Chapter Fifteen

LET’S PARTY

I freeze. Is he talking about what I think he’s talking about? My body perks at the thought, but my head is pulling on the reigns for me to slow down. What if his mom comes home? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I’m not ready?

“I’m kidding, Annabel Lee. I can’t believe you’re really thinking about it. ”

I try and pull away from him, hoping to find someplace to hide.

“No, don’t do that. I’m glad you’re thinking about it. It’s obvious I think about it. It’s just not what I meant right now. ”

Laughter dances in his eyes, his lips quirked up in a smile like only Tegan can do. The way he always does, he wipes any tension from the room. I wonder if he

knows how good he is at that. If it comes from all the practice he gets trying to make everything perfect for his family. Playfully, I push at his chest, finding it difficult to keep with my original train of thought, because his chest…nice. “So you’re conceited and perverted! ”

He pulls me closer. “I’m multi-talented. What can I say? ”

“Ugh! You’re a sick, sick person. ” Wiggling, I try to break free of his arms, but he holds me tight.

“You can’t get away from me unless I want you too. ”

I fight him harder, laughter pouring from my mouth and vibrating us both. Tegan’s laughing too, easily pulling me along with him as I try to get away. Then,

we’re going down. My heart lurches a little, scared we’re going to go boom, but he’s only dropping back onto the couch and pulling me with him. This is my favorite side of him… when he’s just happy. Not working, worried about his mom or feeling guilty over his brother’s life. When he doesn’t have to hide because he knows

there’s no pity from me.

“Let me up! ” More laughter. “No, I hate to be tickled. Don’t tickle me. ” His hands are at my sides and I’m squirming, but not as much as I could. He feels good.

This feels good and even though I could pee my pants right now, I want it to last.

“You didn’t say the magic word. ” Tegan’s on top of me, tickling. Through my giggles, I look up, his blond hair is hanging down in his face. I can’t help but take him in. He’s so beautiful. Not perfect like I first thought. There’s the little chip in his tooth, a scar on his face. Gorgeous, yes, but not perfect and that makes me like him all the more.

Suddenly he stills. There’s no more tickling and he’s looking down at me, the way I’m looking up at him. There’s a distinct switch in the air from playful to if-I-don’t-kiss-you-right-now-I-will-combust. He feels it too. I know it by the way he leans toward me.

“You’re kind of addicting, do you know that? I don’t know what it is about you, but you’re different. ”

If you could really die from joy, my poor parents would be planning a funeral. But then, if I croaked, I wouldn’t be kissing him right now. Wouldn’t feel the now familiar press of his lips against mine. The sweep of his tongue as it delves in and out so skillfully. I wouldn’t hear the little groan in the back of his throat like I’m driving him wild. Me. And he’s making me just as crazy.

He kisses the corner of my mouth, my neck, down my throat and then back up to my mouth again. His mom’s words start playing through my head. I see her too

which is a total buzz kill, making me still.

“What’s wrong? ” he says, his lips on my collarbone.

“We should slow down… Your mom. The party…” I wish I could pick a sentence and go with it.

He kisses me again, this one quick. “Fine, ruin my fun. ” Even without the wink, I know he is only teasing me. Tegan stands up, grabs my hand and pulls me up

too. “Come on. Let’s go work out some of this pent up energy in a less fun, but more productive…Nah, just a less fun way. ”

***

We head out to our usual jogging spot, stretch and then take the familiar loop. I can jog the whole thing by now. We take it slow, I’m sure he runs much faster

without me, but it’s still pretty cool that I’ve passed the point where I have to walk some of it. We do it enough that I know each step now, each turn and I welcome the burn in my legs and lungs. Like Tegan has said before, they’re my war wounds, proving to myself that I’m doing what I set out to do. How awesome is that?

And today, I need it. I have a feeling he knows which is why he suggested the run before we go to the party. I’ve never met his friends and I’m scared to death

they’re going to take one look at me and wonder what the heck he’s thinking. Then, I mentally yell at myself for thinking that way because no matter what, there is nothing wrong with me.

We drive back to Tegan’s apartment. I take the shower in his mom’s room while he takes the one in the hallway, which let me tell you, it’s strange showering in

his mom’s bathroom. He assured me he okay’d it, but still. The strangeness has nothing on the fact of knowing we’re both naked in the same house though, only a

wall separating us.

Looks like Tegan isn’t the only pervert.

Soon, we’re sitting in Tegan’s little car on our way to the party. I’m wearing black capris, and a red button-up, summery shirt. The tag said it’s slimming, I’m not sure. Tegan’s gorgeous as always in his signature shorts, not too baggy, but enough that you can see the edge of his boxer-briefs when he doesn’t have a shirt on. I know, because he came out of the bathroom without one. How lucky am I? I’d watched as he pulled a t-shirt over his head, and another short sleeve, button up, over it, left open.

“It might be a little wild there, but not bad wild. They’re cool people. You’ll have fun. ”

“Cool. ” I’m annoyed that I’m so nervous, but happy I’m going regardless. That counts for something, right?

“Are you sure you wanna go? We can hit up a movie or something. Head back to my house, whatever. I don’t want you to go if you don’t want to. ” His eyes are

on the road, but mine are on him.

“No. I want to. I do. I’m just being a dork. ”

“You are kind of dorky. ” Tegan laughs.

“And you like me so what does that say about you? ”

“That I’m lucky. ” I don’t reply to that. We’re parking in front of a big house out in the boonies. I guess the guy’s aunt and uncle own it and they’re out of town.

He doesn’t turn off the engine. “Seriously, though. Do you want to do something else? We can hang out with your friend, Emily if you want. I’m up for anything. It just feels good to be doing something. ”

Everything he says or does makes me like him more. He said he’s lucky? I think I’m the lucky one. Or actually, maybe both of us. “I do want to go, Tegan. I just

get nervous. I haven’t really done the whole party thing. The people at my school are jerks, so this is all just new to me. I don’t want to back out though. I want to have fun and meet your friends. ”

He sighs. “You know, one of these days, you’re going to have to tell me what happened. Who hurt you, but for now, I’m stoked because I really want to have

some fun with you tonight. I haven’t gone to a party or anything in a long time. ”

And he’s right, I do, but not now.

***

The house is swimming with people. Tegan and I have a hard time weaving through the crowd, but he doesn’t let go of my hand once. A few people say hi to him

as he leads us through the sea. “We’re headed downstairs! ” He has to yell over the crowd and music so I can hear him. “Rick and Bo said they’d be down there

playing pool. ”

Instead of trying to fight the noise, I nod my reply. Tegan presses a quick kiss to my lips and starts to walk again. Will I ever get used to that? I’m really not sure I want to lose the excitement. We find the stairs that leads us down to a game room, complete with a pool table, air hockey, big screen TV, and a wrap-around couch.

There are a couple guys playing air hockey. At a pool table, two girls and two guys are playing doubles.

They all look like Tegan. Well, not as good looking as he is, but they dress like him and you can tell they’re the type who were popular in school. The girls?

They’re all wearing skirts, tight shirts and look way, way different from me.

“Holy shit! Tegan’s here. We didn’t think your workaholic ass would actually show up! ” One of the guys yells, beer in his hand. Everyone turns to look at us. I

try to smile, hoping I don’t look as nervous as I feel. Tegan’s squeeze on my hand helps.

“Whatever, douchebag. Just because some of us work and have plans doesn’t mean you need to talk crap. ” They’re laughing. Tegan lets go of my hand long

enough to bump knuckles with a few of the guys and then he’s holding me again.

“Hey! I work. I just have a life too which up until tonight, you haven’t had for a while. ” The guy looks at me. “Hey, you must be Annabel. I’m Bo. ”

I’m not even embarrassed to admit, I’m doing a little squeal inside. It’s cool that Tegan has told these people about me and it soothes my nerves a bit. “Nice to meet you. ”

Another guy comes over, wearing a baseball hat. “What’s up, Teag. ”

“What’s up. This is my girlfriend, Annabel. Annabel Lee, this is Rick. The girl behind him is his girlfriend, April and, ” he points to the other girl at their pool table, “that’s Sandra. ” April smiles and gives me a wave. She has red hair and kind eyes. Sandra’s blonde and says hi too.

“Good job getting Tegan out of the house. He’s been a hermit lately, ” Sandra says.

Their words surprise me. I know his mom said he focuses on work a lot and I know that’s because he helps her and is saving for school, but hermit seems pretty

heavy. “Thanks, but he’s usually the one dragging me around. ” They seem nice, smiling at me as I speak. Pretty soon Bo’s dragging them all back to the table to finish the game and I’m standing against the wall with Tegan watching them.

The game ends quickly afterward. They ask us if we want to play and both Tegan and I say no, so they start a second game. “Want to share a beer with me? ” he

asks. I’m not much of a beer girl so I tell him no. He comes back with one for himself and a bottle of water for me. A few people come by and talk to Tegan here and there. He introduces me each time and I’m surprised I haven’t gotten any double takes. No strange looks. Nothing.

Tegan finishes his beer and sets it on a table, leaning against the wall, he pulls me against him. My arms find their way around his neck, as he’s holding my waist, brushing his fingers back and forth.

“Not so bad, huh, ” he whispers against my ear.

Truthfully, I say, “Not at all. ”

“I knew you’d have fun. My friends are all pretty kickback. ”

“I thought you said they’re wild. ”

“It’s different. They like to have fun and in a few hours, they’ll be a little crazier than they are now, but they’re cool too. Kickback, just like to have fun and hang out. And they like you. I can tell. ” He kisses by my ear, teasing his way down my jaw line. “I’m not the only one with good taste. ”

I laugh him off, but inside I’m glowing. He’s always saying stuff like this to me and I never say it back. Never say it first. I’m not sure why. “I’m the one with good taste. I kind of like you, you know? ”

“Only kind of? ” He holds me tightly against him.

“Maybe a little more than kind of. ”

“I knew it! ” Tegan’s lips slide toward mine, but before they hit their destination, we’re interrupted.

“Tegan! Get your love-struck ass over here and play a game with us. The girls are done and Mike wants to play so we need someone else for doubles. ”

“I’m busy, ” Tegan tells Rick.

I remember how excited his friends were to see him. How they say he hasn’t hung out much lately. “You should go play. I don’t mind watching. ”

He gets a little light in his eyes and I know he wants to go play, but was nervous about leaving me. “You sure? ”

“Absolutely. Unlike someone, I’m not a hermit. ”

He gives me a quick peck.

I watch him head over to the pool table. It isn’t but a few seconds later that I hear, “Come sit with us, Annabel. ” It’s April. She and Sandra are sitting on the couch alone. Without the hesitance I would expect, I walk over and sit by them. The boys are laughing at the table, making fun of each other and playfully pushing when one of them make a shot. It’s so funny how at ease guys can be together. It’s so different from girls, I think. They can be friends with anyone and it’s normally not like that with us. Which sucks. Luckily, I don’t seem to have to worry about that tonight.

“How long have you guys been together? ” Sandra asks, examining her fingernails. It’s weird because it doesn’t feel like she’s ignoring me or not interested in

what I’m saying, where with someone else, the gesture might come off that way.

“Um… a couple weeks? Not too long. ”

April turns to face me. “Oh, I love how you met stories. Where did you guys meet? ”

Oh joy! This is where I get to explain that Tegan is helping me lose weight. So not the romantic story I’m sure she’s expecting…but then, it does kind of feel that way to me. I never would have expected it, but I like our story. “We met at the gym he works at. I am—was a client of his…”

“Oh, Tegan’s getting hot and heavy at work. I never would have thought it possible. Now we know why he’s such a workaholic, he’s there to see you! ” April

teases and I can’t help but like her train of thought.

“No, remember we haven’t been together very long. ”

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to think it’s because of you. He’s so determined. So much different than he was a few years ago. ”

I realize they all mean before the accident. Briefly, I wonder what he was like back then. Would I have still liked him? Would he have still liked me? “It’s funny because you guys keep talking about him working all the time. His mom mentioned it too, but I don’t see it. I mean, he’s taken time off and we went to watch his

brother play basketball and we’ve gone out a few times. We jog a lot too. He seems too full of life to be that way. ”

Sandra stops playing with her nails and looks at me. “He likes to have a good time. He always has been like that: fun, funny, outgoing and he still is, he just feels so much responsibility I think. He’s been such a homebody since the accident. ”

I say, “Yeah, he’s a good guy. ” My eyes find their way to him, watching him concentrate on a shot. “He cares about everyone. Wants to do what he can for

everyone in his life. ” His hair falls down in his face and he shakes it out of the way, eye on the ball, then briefly looks up and winks at me.

It’s almost like a touch, my skin pebbling as though his fingers are ghosting against it.

“Oh, girlfriend. You have it bad. I mean, who wouldn’t and it’s obvious he’s in love with you too. ”

I’m not sure if it’s April or Sandra who talks because I can’t pull my eyes away from the totally hot guy who is my boyfriend. Somehow I should set them straight.

We’re not in love, it hasn’t been very long, but the words lodge in my throat.

“I know, right? He’s totally into her. So different than he was with Pammie. ”

That catches my attention. My eyes shift to the girls again. “Who’s Pammie? ”

It’s April who replies. “This other girl who hangs out sometimes. They hooked up a few times, nothing serious, but he broke it off. She’s still got it bad for him, but that’s Pammie. She likes to be the one who does the dumping rather than the other way around and he was never serious about her, so don’t worry. ”

Actually, I didn’t even think of it to worry until she told me not to worry. Funny how that works. Tegan doesn’t give me much time to think about it because he

walks up to us. “You win? ” I ask.

He’s standing right in front of me, my eyes level with his…well, his crotch. And again his pervertedness is rubbing off on me because I kind of want to stare.

“Do you have to ask? ”

“Of course not. I should have known, big head. ”

“That’s what I love about you, Annabel Lee. You’re always so sweet to me. ” I start to choke on…well, air I guess. Or shock. Can you choke on shock?

“She looks like she’s about to pass out. ” Sandra starts fanning me. I like these girls. I like them a lot. Which makes me think about Em and wish she were here

with me. Wish she could meet them too. I never would have thought it coming here, but this night has been perfect.

“Dude, I forgot to tell you, I saw your dad the other day. ” Bo says as he walks up and Tegan freezes. Bo doesn’t seem to notice because he continues. “He had

some chick with him. I swear she couldn’t have been older than twenty-two. Your dad’s got game! ”

Now it’s Tegan who looks like he’s going to pass out. I’ve seen him upset, but never, ever anything like the lost, angry look clouding his eyes right now.

“Yeah…good for him. ” He’s trying to play it off with a shrug, but I see the dents in his armor, I just don’t know what to do about it.

“How’s he doing anyway? Tim? ” This time it’s Rick who asks.

I’m not sure if Tim is a safer subject or not—not when knowing his dad left because he couldn’t take Tim’s injury.

“I’m gonna go grab a drink, I’ll be back. ” I reach for Tegan’s hand, but he kind of shakes it off and then he disappears into the crowd. Everyone around me keeps talking so I assume they didn’t notice, but I do and it doesn’t feel good. I get it, he’s angry, but why can’t I be there for him the way he is for me?

We talk for about fifteen more minutes, but I can’t stop thinking about Tegan. The girls and I exchange phone numbers and I’m excited to have met new friends.

Friends I will introduce to Emily. It hurts too much to keep her out of this part of my life, but I can’t enjoy it now. My mind is with him.

“I’m going to find Tegan. ” They tell me goodbye and walk away.

Soon I’m sifting through people again on my way to the kitchen. As soon as I round the corner, he’s there. Not looking at me and not alone. “It was good seeing

you, Pammie. But I gotta get back. My girl’s waiting for me downstairs. ” The only reason I can hear him is because we’re in a hallway, him at one end and me at the other. It’s empty and though there’s music, he’s speaking loudly for her to hear and enabling me to hear too. But I don’t really give a crap about why or how I can hear him. What I do care about is, Pammie is hot. Like hot enough that she takes my breath away.

Skinny. Super skinny, short skirt I’d get kicked out of school for wearing, pierced belly button. How do I know, you might ask? Oh, because her shirt is practically non-existent. Nice. She has black hair like me. Only hers is long and glamorous and I want to chop it off.

But then…he’d said his girl is downstairs. His girl being me. There’s a Pepsi in one of his hands and a bottle of water in the other. For me. It all should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. How can I ever compete with her? Maybe I don’t have to…

“Yeah, I saw you with her. I thought you didn’t want a relationship? I thought you had too much on your plate to be with anyone? ”

“I do have a lot I’m dealing with and I didn’t want a relationship, but things change. Not that it’s any of your business. ”

“So things changed because of her? You can do so much better, Tegan. We look much better together. ”

I feel as though someone has socked me in the gut. I can hardly breathe.

“No thanks and on that note, I’m out. And don’t ever say anything about her again. ” Tegan tries to walk around her, but she stops him, a hand on the same chest I touched earlier.

“Wait…I…” And then she leans forward and kisses him. Her lips. My boyfriend. It’s only a couple seconds. Everything in me breaks. I want to run. I should run.

It hurts too bad to see this, because she’s right. They do look good together. But you know what? I don’t care. And as much as the instinct to run rears inside me. I don’t. Not away at least. I run toward them, because this boy is mine and I’m not going down without a fight.

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