Chapter Twelve

TWO DATES—HOLY CRAP!

Tegan texts me a few times as the week goes on. Nothing major, but then that’s what makes them special.

What ya up to?

I think my family likes you more than me.

Are you excited for this weekend?

We’re still on our same workout schedule and when we’re there, we only talk “business”. Basically, that just means he wants to drive me crazy. Which he’s

doing. The one time I brought it up, I asked him what I should wear and he said, “Just be yourself. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. ” What does that even

mean? I can wear my jammies, because that’s what I feel comfortable in.

But I can’t do that. In fact, I’m so desperate, I’m heading to Mom’s office to talk to her. Not to tell her I’m going on a date, obviously, but the fact is, I need her help. Which totally kills me, knowing what she thinks of me. Knowing that even though she will want to make me over, she’ll also still not be happy with the outcome.

It’s only 8: 00 and she’s already perfectly put together.

“Mom? ”

“Yeah. ” She doesn’t look up from her computer. It’s been like this since our talk about the pageant. Short, one word answers. Things are more strained between

us than they have ever been.

My words want to stick in my mouth like a huge wad of gum, but I find a way to speak around it. “I thought maybe we could do the spa day today. Maybe get my

hair and my nails done like you said. I have to meet Em this afternoon, so we’d have to be back, but—”

“Perfect! ” She cuts me off. “Go get changed and I’ll call and make our appointment! ”

An hour later we’re sitting with our feet in a tub of water. They’ve been scrubbed, but oh, here they go, scrubbing them again. Our nails are painted, then I’m

subjected to the same thing to my hands: clip, massage, paint. I hate to admit it kind of feels good. Who doesn’t like to be pampered? At the same time, it feels weird because it’s not me.

“What do you think you want to do with your hair? ” Mom asks, eyes closed and head back while she enjoys the pampering.

“Well—”

“Oh, I know! I’m thinking bangs, layers around your face and some honey colored highlights. You don’t want blond with your dark hair. That screams trashy. ”

Why did she ask me if she didn’t even plan to hear my answer?

What did I get myself into? I’m really not feeling the whole layer thing. I like how my hair is now. All one length, no bangs, and resting on my shoulders. Layers only mean I’m going to have to do something with it every day, but instead of saying that, I agree with her. “Sure. Whatever you think. ”

“You’ll love it, Annabel. It’s amazing what hair and nails can do for you. Even the plainest women have options nowadays. ”

That stings. Is that me? Am I the plain girl she’s talking about? I know the answer to that question. Tegan likes my eyes and so do I. They match hers. I wonder if she’s ever even noticed. “Cool. ”

After our nails are done, it’s onto the hair. I watch as short black strands fall to the ground, both hopeful and irritated at the same time. Why didn’t I speak up if I don’t want my hair layered? But…what if it looks good? I shouldn’t shoot down “options” before I test them out, right?

Mom’s giddy as they dye and cut my hair. Me? I’m not really sure how I feel. I’m faced away from the mirrors on Mom’s suggestion, not seeing makes it worse

on my already overactive nerves.

“All done! ” They turn me around and I freeze. It doesn’t look bad. Actually, it looks kind of good. It just doesn’t look like me.

“What do you think? Isn’t it gorgeous, Annabel? ”

“Yeah…gorgeous. Are you sure? ”

“Of course I’m sure. Aren’t you sure? ”

“Yes, I’m sure. ” But I’m not. I’m not sure at all. I feel strange… different. That’s normal, I think. Anytime you do something different, it must feel like this.

Then I think of Tegan. I know it’s stupid, but what’s he going to think? Am I trying too hard? Is he going to see right through it? Ugh. I hate this! But I don’t have much time to contemplate it. A minute later Mom is dragging me out the door and clothes shopping.

much time to contemplate it. A minute later Mom is dragging me out the door and clothes shopping.

“Mom, dresses really aren’t my thing. ” I try to tell her as she looks through the rack.

“Not all dresses, no. But there are some that work wonders, Annabel. If it’s styled right, it brings out your…assets and hides the…imperfections. ”

My heart drops. I didn’t mean they don’t look good on me. I meant I don’t like them.

“This whole shop is for women like you. I promise, you’ll be so happy when we’re done. ” She touches my cheek. It’s the first time she’s touched me like this in

forever. “You’ll be pretty. ”

I’ll be pretty. Because I’m not now. I try to smile. “Thanks, Mom. You’re the best. ”

And then we finish our mother/daughter day. I think it’s the only one we’ve ever had that she’s enjoyed.

***

On my way to the gym to meet Tegan, I change. I already feel like my insides are going to explode from nerves that I have to at least be comfortable in my

clothes. I can’t do much about the hair, but the clothes are going.

Off goes the skirt for a pair of khaki capris. I cover up the tank top with a button up shirt that reaches my elbows. I feel like I’m jacked up on some kind of upper drug I’ve never taken. Make sense? Okay, I know it doesn’t, but I can’t explain it any other way. I’m twitchy, on edge as excitement and nerves fight to see which one will take me over.

The second I kill the engine in my BMW and look up, I feel like I’m going to puke. Tegan stands there waiting for me and he’s gorgeous. More gorgeous than

any other time I’ve seen him, if that’s possible. Like always, he’s wearing shorts. These are black, hanging mid-knee like they always do. White socks, black and white Nikes, a white t-shirt with button up shirt over his too, though I’m sure his is more for hotness reasons rather than fear of arm flab.

His slightly wavy hair is wet, like he got out of the shower right before coming. In his hand is a smoothie cup, which makes me want to laugh, but I can’t because I can’t get over how good he looks. His eyes are on me, and those masculine plump lips are stretched into a smile. The jerk. He knows I’m looking and I immediately cast my eyes down. My foot itches to push down on the accelerator, to run while my heart is fully intact, before I fall too much, but I don’t. I’m tired of missing out and if he wants me here, even just for this one date, I’m staying. I deserve this.

I get out of the car and step onto the sidewalk in front of him. The pulse in my ears drowns out the traffic speeding down the street. Yeah, I’m so gone. “Hey. ”

He doesn’t reply for a minute, reaching out and fingering my hair. The strands slip through his fingers and brush my cheek. It’s almost like he’s touching me and I shiver. “What did you do, Annabel Lee? ”

Embarrassment weakens my determination from a few seconds ago. I wring my hands together. “Color my hair? You know it’s when—” Tegan cuts off my

attempt at sarcasm.

“I know what you did, smart-aleck. It looks nice, it’s just. I don’t know, different. I’m not complaining. You look pretty, I just want to be sure you did this because it’s something you want, not because of our date or something. ”

“You’re such a flirt. Quit calling me pretty, ” is what comes out of my mouth when what I really want to say is, can you please repeat that? Like ten times. Thanks.

“You do that a lot, deflect compliments like that. I mean, if you wanted to call me pretty, I’d be glad to hear it. Okay, maybe not pretty, but sexy. You want to call me sexy, don’t you? Admit it. ” He’s got that mischievous smile on his face and I’m at a loss for words. He always finds a way to steal them from me. Which I think is the point. I try and deflect compliments and I think he’s trying to deflect my nerves. I melt a little more inside.

“Seriously though. It’s pretty, but I liked it before too. ”

Thump. Thump. Thump. It’s hard to think over the sound of my heart. “Thanks. It was my mom’s idea. She likes playing makeover Barbie with me. I finally let

her. ”

“Hmm. ” He crosses his arms. “Next time, tell her you’re fine the way you are. ” Then he grabs my hand, twining our fingers together in a way that shoots sparks

up my arm and down my chest. “Come on, we’re burning daylight. I’m ready to have some fun. I need it today. ”

It makes me think something happened, but I don’t ask. If he wants to tell me, he will.

Once he closes the passenger door for me, I do a little giddy dance inside. There’s nothing wrong with being an independent woman, but there’s also nothing

wrong with a guy going the extra mile. Not that I have a lot of experience in the situation, but I digress. Once he closes my door and gets in, Tegan turns to me. “So, I was thinking the fair because…well, because I’m obsessed with rides, but then my know-it-all mom brought up the fact that I don’t know if you do rides or not. I told her all I had to do is challenge you and you’d do it, but then I figured that might not be the best thing for our first date. ”

I love this side of him so much. Love how he’s so much more relaxed around me lately. And somehow, I’m the same around him. “Hey! What is that supposed to

mean? ”

“Nothing bad. Just that you’re determined. If you think someone doesn’t believe you can do something, you’re going to. ”

“And how do you know that? ”

He raises his eyebrows. “Because I’m good? ”

And cocky. “Try again. ”

“Because that’s how I get you to do what I want at the gym. ”

“Whatever. ”

“We’re getting off track here. My second thought was the zoo because, well… nobody goes to the zoo anymore. ”

The unease in my belly has started to lift and I’m falling deeper into the comfort that Tegan brings. Plus, could he have picked cooler things to do for our date?

“Well, we’re in trouble because I can’t choose. I love the fair and I haven’t been to the zoo in years. Both would be good. ”

“Well, it’s, ” he picks up his cell and glances at it. “Wow, just now three. You were early. ”

“Not as early as you. ”

For the first time, I get a bashful look from him before his eyes return to the road. “Okay, so we can do both? What do you think? Hit the zoo. Leave about six, get to the fair about six thirty. What time do you have to be home? ”

“Midnight. ” Mom thinks I’m out to dinner and a movie with Em tonight. She never calls Em’s house and Em always uses my cell to call me so I there’s no way

I’ll get caught by either of them. Man, what a liar I am turning out to be.

“That works then. You game, Annabel Lee? ”

“Sounds perfect! ” Perfect? What the frig? Maybe I should just throw myself at him while I’m at it? Luckily Tegan doesn’t comment on it, giving me the chance to

A) Change the subject and B) Ask him something I’ve wanted to for a while now.

“So…what’s with the name? Rocky I get, but Annabel Lee? ”

“Don’t tell me… No, it can’t be true. ”

My heart does the nervous, skip-a-beat-thing. Is this something I’m supposed to know? I have a feeling I just missed an obvious answer on the ‘cool teen test’.

“Just tell me. ”

“It’s Poe. You know, the poet? Don’t tell me you’ve never read Annabel Lee? ”

Aww, he’s kind of nerdy and I didn’t know it. It makes me like him all the more, not that I need a reason to.

Tegan rubs a hand over his head and cocks his head to look at me from the side. No. I definitely don’t need another reason to like this boy. His looks are reason enough. “No. Of course I know who Poe is, but never read the poem. My best friend Emily is obsessed with him. I’m sure she knows it. ”

“Emily has good taste. ”

Jealousy creeps up on me like a monster in a scary movie. “I have good taste, too. ” Once the words are out, I realize I sound like such a spoiled brat looking for attention. What does he do to me?

Tegan reaches over and squeezes my leg. Yes! He squeezes my leg and I’m too distracted by the pulsing energy zipping from him to me to even wonder if I feel

flabby. It’s an innocent touch, but my hormones, they don’t want to see it that way. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I feel faint.

“Well obviously. You’re out with me, right? ” Before I can tell him how conceited he is, he speaks again. “Kidding. But yeah, I don’t doubt your taste. ”

“Um, thanks…” His car suddenly feels hot. Like stifling hot. I hit the button to let the window down a little bit, hoping the fresh air can do something to cool me off, because if not, I just might combust from this Near Tegan Experience.

“I loved English in high school. Did I ever tell you that? ” He says as he drives off.

“No. ” I want to hear about it now. I want to know everything.

“Yep. Used to be what I wanted to go to college for. You know…before. ”

My heart kind of breaks for him. I don’t get it. If he loves English, it’s what he should do.

We talk a little more on the way to the zoo. Not about anything important: the gym, college. He’s staying local and will only be forty-five minutes away in the fall.

I don’t say anything, but I’m planning on attending Berkley as well and not because of him either.

When we get to the zoo, I pull out money to pay for myself.

“What are you doing? ” Tegan asks.

“You shouldn’t have to pay. ” Add this to the list of stupid things I’ve said. Yes, I know the guy usually pays on a date and I’m not one of those girls who gets her panties in a wad if the guy wants to be a gentleman, but I also didn’t want to make any assumptions. As far as I know, this is a friend thing. Maybe Tegan’s in the market for a new BFF or something and I don’t want to look like the love-struck girl who assumes we’re on a date/date.

He hands the attendant the money and gets our tickets before replying. Once we’re away from her prying ears he says. “I don’t know what kind of dates you’ve

been on, but they must have been douches if they made you pay. I’m taking you out, Annabel Lee. ”

When Tegan threads his fingers through mine, I do a giddy jig inside which breaks into a full on Disney movie song and dance segment, complete with talking

birds and little mice friends. And I know it’s dumb. I know I’ll probably get hurt. There’s a huge possibility this won’t end well, but I don’t care. It feels too good. He feels too good and from now on, that’s all I’m going to concentrate on.

“So, what do you want to look at first? Lions, Tigers, Elephants? We have the whole zoo at our fingertips. ”

But it doesn’t feel like just the zoo. This very second, for the first time, it feels like I have the world at my fingertips and I’m going to reach out and grab it. Even if it’s only temporary. Or if he only seems to like me because his family does, I’m taking it.

***

We start out at the monkeys. I’ve never been particularly fond of monkeys or anything, but it’s what we happen upon first. From there we go to apes, birds,

snakes. Our hands are never apart as we walk around, taking in the animals in their manmade habitats. And it’s fun. Tegan laughs when the monkeys wrestle around

with each other, joking about me giving them fighting lessons. His laughter is contagious and I can’t help but catch it. Not that I want to help it.

We look at elephants and I almost freak out when we see the llamas. They drool like crazy and I swear I start to gag. With more of that infectious laughter, Tegan pulls me away. I cover my eyes with my hands. “Ugh! That is the grossest thing I’ve ever seen. I have such a weak gag reflex. ”

“You’re such a wuss. ” His hand pulls from mine and before I can miss it, he wraps an arm around me, pulling me to his chest so I can bury my face in it. And I

do. Boy do I ever.

“I’ll save you from attack of the killer drool. Come on, stay close and it won’t get you. ”

His voice is deeper, huskier and I stumble a little, our feet tangling. Instead of embarrassment that I almost trip us, I giggle.

“Shh, this is no time for laughing. We’re in serious trouble here. Just keep close and I’ll get us out of this. ”

“Are you sure you can handle it? ” I tease him, getting into the game he’s playing because it gets me closer to him. When I’m like this, he’s all I feel: warmth and long muscles. He’s all I smell: soap and ocean. I’m not his client or the outcast at school. I’m just a girl with a boy.

“Of course I can. I handle everything. Like I said, you might want to stay close though. You never know when drool wielding llamas will jump out at you. I’ll

protect you. ”

We’re walking and I don’t care where we’re going. My eyes are no longer in his chest, so I can see, but I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been to any boy. “I

thought I was the one with the nice hook though? ”

“Baby…you ain’t seen moves until you’ve seen mine. ” The words are spoken with that signature playfulness Tegan uses. It’s so easy for boys to say things like

that, nonchalantly like it doesn’t mean anything. But for me, the word baby nuzzles its way into all the most important parts of me. For me it means everything.

“I…I think we’re safe now. ” Slowly, I pull away. I want to kick my own butt for the separation, but widen it at the same time. Man, Tegan is right. I’m a girl, but I still confuse myself.

“There you go, ruining my fun. I was planning on kicking some serious llama ass, you know. ”

I don’t reply, keeping my eyes forward until we reach the panda bears.

“Oh! Let’s stop here. I want to look. ”

“Of course you do. Pandas are such a girl thing. ”

My eyes roll. “And that’s such a boy thing to say. ”

We’re the only ones at the Panda exhibit. It’s tucked into a little corner making it feel like there’s no one in the world but me, Tegan and the two bears I see behind the glass. The white on their fur is all dirty, but they’re still pretty.

“Sounds stupid, but they look so sweet. It’s like I could go in there and cuddle up with one. ”

“Dangerous. You thought drool was deadly. ”

“They don’t look it though. I mean, I know they are, but… let’s just say I get why people sleep with teddy bears at night. It’s like that’s what they’re meant for. ” I hear the wind rustle through the trees around us. It’s almost like our day at the park and then I feel him, Tegan’s right behind me, his front against my back. The soap and ocean is all I know right now. This boy totally turns me into one of those swooning, love obsessed girls I used to make fun of. Right now, I’m swooning on the inside.

“Look. ” He’s closer. Touching me, his breath a whisper in my hair, against my ear.

“Where? ” My heart is going crazy. My voice all husky like I’m some seductress or something. It’s kind of cool, and I’m not even doing it on purpose. I couldn’t

control my voice if I wanted to right now.

Tegan points and I try with everything in me to follow his finger, but all I can focus on is him. Surrounding me. Blanketing me.

“Over there. See in the back corner. It’s a baby. If the mama wasn’t in there, you could cuddle with that one. ”

Really, I just want to cuddle with him. He’s going straight to my head. I suck in a breath. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I don’t know what to do or say

right now. Do I move? Let him stand here all night if he wants to? I turn around. It’s even harder this way because his face is so close. So very close I can see a small chip in one of his teeth. Minty toothpaste mingles with his scent.

I bite my lips when he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. He’s smiling. I’m dying of shock over here and he’s smiling, but yeah, it’s a nice smile. Knowing or not, I can’t help but admire it.

Tegan leans closer to me. “Annabel Lee…”

“What? ” Even to me, my voice sounds far off.

Closer…he’s closer. He’s going to kiss me. I’m caught between wanting to scream hallelujah and having a heart attack.

“What are we going to do with you? ” I have no idea what his words mean, but I know what I want him to do with me. I want his lips on mine.

“I…I don’t know. ”

And then his hand drops.

He steps away.

I want nothing more than to pull him back to me.

“We should keep going. Not much more time before we have to leave. ”

I can’t help but feel rejected.

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