Chapter Fourteen. MY GIRL

Chapter Fourteen

MY GIRL

“Oh…” I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at me. At the ache in my chest and the fact that even though I said I expected this, it’s broken something inside me. “Okay. ”

I turn and try to get into my car which I realize is about the stupidest thing I can do considering it’s the passenger side. I don’t get far anyway because Tegan stops me.

“Hey, where are you going? ”

Is he for real? Like I’m going to sit here while he rattles off a list of why we can’t be together or throws the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line my way. “Home. No need to explain. I understand. ”

“Um, I’m glad you do, because I don’t. ” Tegan turns me around so I’m facing him again.

“You don’t have to do that. I get it. I expected it. I…” You know what? I can’t do this. It’s not right or not fair. “Actually, I’m pissed. You pretend to like me and then one hug in front of your gym buddies and Supermodel and I’m out the door? Whatever. ”

“Huh? ” he looks at me confused. “I’m not breaking it off with you… You think I would do that because you hugged me? ”

He’s not breaking up with me. Best news ever! “I just thought. ”

“That’s not me, Annabel Lee—I don’t just bail on people. I held your hand all over the zoo and the fair. If I was going to break up with you over a hug, I

wouldn’t have done that. ”

My cheeks are hot. Why can’t I stop thinking the worst? “Then what do you mean? ”

He steps closer, his legs on the outside of mine as his hands grab my waist. I should pull away, but I can’t. “I’m not breaking up with you. I’m not mad you

hugged me. Actually, I would have liked to do even more with you, but I can’t do that here…while you’re my client. I need this job too much, or I would. ”

And his mom told him girls are confusing, I’m thinking that about boys. “Then why? ”

Tegan leans forward, pressing his lips to mine too quickly for my taste. “Because. ” Another kiss. “You’re. ” Oh, one more. “My girl. ” Two kisses this time. “And

it doesn’t feel right for you to pay me for us to work out together. Because I want to be able to kiss you when I want and I can’t do that if you’re my client. ”

At least I think that’s what he said. I’m not sure I caught anything after him telling me I’m his girl. “I am? Your girl, I mean? ”

He gives my waist a squeeze and I suck in my stomach. “I thought so, unless you’re only using me for my make-out abilities. ”

“You’re so—“

“Conceited. I know. But you like it. ”

But as much as I like how that sounds, how I want to really be with Tegan, thinking about what he said leaves a hole in my chest. I’m not sure I can do this

without him. “But what about the money? I know you’re saving up to help with college and to help your mom and stuff. ”

Tegan freezes, his eyes hard on me in a way I’ve never seen them. “I don’t want your money. If that’s what you think this is about, then we’re on a different page here. ”

I’m such a jerk. I insult the one person who’s been nothing but nice to me. Not letting myself be afraid of his reaction, I grab his shirt and pull him back to me. It feels good, this whole control thing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just…” He doesn’t give me the easy way out, but stands here waiting to hear what I say. “I don’t know if I can do it without you. ”

Tegan sighs. “Don’t say stuff like that. You don’t need me for anything. This…this is all you. But, I never said you had to do it without me. It’s up to you. You want another trainer, I’ll hook you up. If not, I am a professional, you know. I can do the same stuff with you if you’re not a client that I do now. We can keep jogging together. When we work out here, we’ll do it when I’m off the clock and we’ll work out together. It’s not like we can’t still use the scales and stuff, so basically it will be the same except you will be my girl working out with me instead of my client who pays me and also happens to kiss me. ”

The break inside me starts to heal, the heaviness sprouting wings and flying away. This, I can handle. This, I actually like. “Okay. That makes sense. I don’t want anyone else, though. I want you. ”

Tegan smiles. “That’s a good thing, because I want you too. ” Then his face turns serious for a minute. “This is new for me too. It might not seem like it, but it is.

I’m not used to being with a girl who I really care about. I hope you know that… that I’m not with you because of what you have or don’t have. I’m with you because I like you…the way I feel when I’m with you. ”

For the second time. It’s my lips that find his. “I like you too. ”

***

I have a boyfriend. A hot boyfriend, but also one that’s… pretty incredible too.

I’m still in shock the next day when Em comes over. She has a rare day with no classes and we’ve decided to spend it together. Of course, she doesn’t know I

have other options and I feel like the worst friend in world for not telling her, but I know her. She won’t understand and I’m already in a state of disbelief that I’m scared her pessimism will make me doubt what’s happening.

Which makes me an even worse friend. Who calls their bestie pessimistic? And she would understand and be happy for me, wouldn’t she? I wonder how I would

feel if it were her. If after years of it only being the two of us, how I would feel if she suddenly had a boyfriend and guess what? My crappy friend status is raised a notch because I would be jealous. But I would also be worried about her, which I know is how she’ll feel about me. Right now, I don’t want worry. I just want happy.

“Want some ice cream? ” Em asks as we sit at her kitchen table. Her house is just as big as mine, but so much homier. The table is small with only four chairs, but half the time she and her mom eat in the living room together while they watch their favorite shows. I like that. Mom and I don’t share any shows and while my dad is cool, he’s not much of a TV person.

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say yes. I mean, hello, it’s Cherry Garcia, but then I think about those six pounds and how hard it was to get them off. How easy it would be to put them back on, and like Tegan says, each week will be different. There will be some, where I don’t lose, or I only lose one and do I really want to make it worse by cheating now? Nope. “No thanks. I’m not hungry. ”

She shrugs, scoops herself a bowl and plops down in another kitchen chair. “I can’t believe you let your mom do that to your hair. ”

I’m getting used to it now. It’s different, but not too big a deal. “You know how she is, plus, I kind of wanted to try something different. ”

“You wanted to or you knew she wanted you to? ” Em takes a bite of her ice cream.

It’s a little of both actually. I wanted something different. Wanted to try and impress Tegan which now that I think about it, is just lame. Like adding some color to a girl’s hair is going to change her? And the thing is, I don’t really need to change. Not that way at least. Tegan seems to like me the way I am too. But Mom? I know it meant something to her. “What difference does it make? ”

“Umm, I’m not even going to dignify that question with a response. ”

I frown because she’s right. “I love that I can always count on you to tell me like it is, Em. ” Except when I don’t tell you something for that specific reason.

“That’s what I’m here for. You’d do it for me too. ”

Again I’m hit with a slam of guilt. I’m lying to my best friend in the world. I should tell her. My eyes cast toward the table, I open my mouth to do just that, but she cuts me off. “There’s this asshole at the college who won’t leave me alone. Every time I turn around he’s there. It’s driving me crazy. ”

My head snaps up so I can look at her. Em never talks like that. If there’s someone giving her shit, she tells him off, retreats inside herself and that’s that. If anyone brings up Billy Mason or any of the other people at school, it’s always me. “What did he do to you? ” It’s funny, but I always thought college would be different. That there, people wouldn’t give a shit what other’s looked like or if they had a stupid, insignificant birthmark on their face.

“He’s just…” She’s stirring her ice cream, making Cherry Garcia Soup out of it. “He’s always trying to talk to me. Just always there, asking me what I’m listening to on my iPod or if I did the homework. He even tried to eat with me the other day. ”

She gives a look like I’m supposed to agree with her. Tell her what a jerk he is and that she should tell him off. “Well… maybe he’s nice? Maybe he likes you. ”

Emily’s eyes and mouth both widen into large “O’s”. “Please, Bell. You know as well as I do how stuff like that ends. There are hundreds of other girls at the

school and he has the urge to talk to the girl in black with the screwed up face? I’m not stupid. ”

“Your face isn’t screwed up! ” I say even as she rolls her eyes. “I’m serious. It’s not that big a deal and maybe he doesn’t like the other girls or maybe he thinks you’re pretty, or likes black, or you have the same music in common. You never know. Your birthmark doesn’t define you, Em. Maybe he’s just a good guy and sees

that. ”

Like Tegan? I’m not sure if I would be saying this a few weeks ago. Well, maybe I would have, but I’m not sure I would have believed it.

“Like you don’t think you’re defined by your weight? Which isn’t a big deal, by the way. I mean, you’re gorgeous, but do you see it? ”

“I…” It’s something I can’t really answer, because I can pretend all I want that I don’t care about my weight. That it’s not one of the major things I notice when I look in the mirror. That the first time Tegan says the wrong thing I didn’t automatically assume that’s where it came from. But the fact is, I’m not there. I’d like to think I’m closer. Maybe that’s because of Tegan and our work outs, but I’m still not completely there.

It sucks.

“It’s easy to give other people advice, but not always easy to know it yourself, is it? ”

I shake my head. “I still think he might like you though. ”

“And I still think he doesn’t. I’m happy with you and Mom. I don’t need anyone else anyway. ”

And the worst friend in the world award goes to…. Annabel Conway! Because as much as I need Em, I’ve found someone else I need too and I’m scared to death

to tell her.

***

As I’m driving to Tegan’s apartment, my cell phone chirps. I ignore it for a minute because I’m a little lost. He lives in the older side of town with thin streets, cars parked on each side so you have to maneuver between them and you drive down the same street and suddenly it has a different name. I’ve always wondered what the

point in that is? Just call the whole stupid street the same thing. Like I’m not nervous enough about today. The last thing I need is to get lost or to run into a parked car or something.

I look up and see the sign for Hillside Apartment Complex. Just as I’m pulling up, a car pulls away from the curb so I take the spot. It’s a medium-sized complex, what looks like a narrow alley running between the buildings with little single car garages attached. It’s definitely an older building, but looks nice and well kept.

And I’m stalling by dissecting his apartment. Go, me.

Then I remember my cell and pick it up. It’s a text from Tegan.

Hey, A. With a client. Running a few minutes late. Go in. Mom’s there. See u soon.

Um, no. I love his mom, but the only time I’ve seen her is pre-kiss. Things feel different now. I don’t even know if she knows we’re together. It’d just be too

uncomfortable. And with a client? I thought he was off today.

That’s okay. I can wait outside for u. I reply. It’s like five seconds later when my cell beeps again.

Get ur butt in there or I’l send her out for u. She’s excited to see u and don’t be nervous.

Leave it to Tegan to know I’m nervous. This whole night has me on edge.

Pushing all that thought aside I grab my bag from the passenger seat and get out of the car. It feels like I’m always carrying some kind of bag with my workout

stuff nowadays.

It’s easy to find which apartment is his. Taking a deep breath, I knock. It takes a few minutes, but then Tegan’s mom opens the door. She’s wearing a waitress

uniform from one of the steak houses in town.

“Hey, sweetie. Come in. ”

I can’t help but smile. I missed her. Dana is pulling a shoe on her foot as she walks, and not doing a good job of it.

“Busy, busy like always. ” She smiles.

There isn’t a lot of furniture in the apartment. I don’t know if it’s because they can’t afford it or because the sparseness probably makes it much easier for Tim to get around. But still, it’s cozy. A picture of the three of them hangs over the couch.

“Have a seat. I’m on my lunch break. Just needed to grab something to eat and bring Timmy to a friend’s house. What’s on the agenda for you guys tonight? ” I sit

at their dining room table, his mom sitting next to me to finish getting her shoes on. Before I can reply to her, Tim wheels in.

“Ooh, it’s Tegan’s lover. ”

“Timothy! ” Dana says as my cheeks no doubt turn bright red. “Don’t talk like that. You’re going to embarrass the poor girl. ”

“Sorry, Tegan’s girlfriend. About time he brought someone around here. I was starting to think he was gay. ”

“Tim! ” This time, it’s me who screeches his name. Then of course, I feel like a psychopath.

Tim and Dana both burst into laughter.

“Aw, you don’t have to stick up for my brother. You must be just as in looove as he is. ”

There’s a part of me that wants to reply to that, but I’m pretty sure I’ve lost the ability to use my vocal cords. I’m not in love and Tegan isn’t either. That’s just ridiculous.

“And she’s never going to want to come over again now. Leave her be, Timothy. It’s between Tegan and Annabel. ” She winks. I wonder if she got it from Tegan

or he got it from her. “Though it is good to see him like someone enough to have some fun. He needs to have more fun. And lucky for us, we love you too. ”

Nope. Definitely don’t have a voice anymore. Might not have a heartbeat either. The sound of the front door opening saves me.

“Speak of the devil. ” Dana stands up and straightens out her uniform.

“That’s me. ” Tegan closes the door behind him.

Dana smiles. Tegan steps up behind my chair, leans over and kisses me. There’s no tongue, just touch of our lips, but it sears me just the same. “Hey, you, ” he

says.

Wondering if my voice will ever come back, I smile.

“You picked up an extra shift today? ” he’s talking to his mom now.

“Yeah. The extra money doesn’t hurt. ” Tegan shakes his head and his jaw is tense. He hates that his mom has to work so hard. “Did you? ” she asks, but he

ignores it. “That’s not important though. What are you guys up to tonight? ”

“Of course it’s not. Running yourself into the ground isn’t important at all. ” The room is silent. Usually they get along so well. It’s weird to see they’re a normal family just like the rest of us.

“Tegan…”

“We’re going for a jog, then heading out to a party. ”

“Timmy’s staying with a friend and I won’t be home until late. I know you’re eighteen, but I’m still your mama and I’m sure I don’t have to tell you two to be

good, right? No drinking and driving. No other things that will make me a grandma at way too young an age. ”

Oh. My. God. I think I’m about to die. Is his mom giving us a sex talk?

“Annabel and Tegan. Sitting in a tree, ” Tim starts. He’s way too old for that song, but I know he’s giving me a hard time. Especially when Dana sings the

KISSING part with him.

“You’re such a twerp. ” Tegan punches Tim in the arm and they start playing around like they did before the basketball practice.

“That’s enough boys. I have to go. Timmy, come on. Tegan, I’m serious. Be good. ”

Yep, I’m dying. Dying!

“We’ll try. ” Tegan winks at me and I want to evaporate into thin air.

“Bye, baby. ” She leans forward and kisses Tegan on the forehead and then to my surprise she does the same to me. “Be good, sweetie. Sorry if I embarrassed

you. ”

I wave her off and they’re out the door.

As soon as we’re alone, Tegan grabs me and pulls me close. “So…wanna break some rules? ”

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