CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SIX

The next day Caroline wasted no time in starting to search for a job. As soon as old Mrs Trerhyn opened the post office, she went in to scan the jumbled notice board. Everything was tacked up here from 'Free cats to a good home' to a request from a dying boy in Scotland who wanted to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for having received more post cards than anyone else, but there was nothing that came anywhere near to being what she was looking for.

'Looking for something special, Caroline?' Mrs Trerhyn asked with a curious frown, watching as she methodically went through the notices.

'A job,' she said softly. 'You wouldn't know of anything, would you?'

'Not for you, my dear. Now if it was for that flighty sister of yours ...'

Caroline looked up in surprise. She didn't realise Sharon had that reputation outside her family.

Mrs Trerhyn tottered to her place behind the counter and began sorting the day's post. 'I always told my Willy, God bless his soul, Sharon should have been the one Philip Tregenna jilted, not you.'

A dull wave of colour began to run up Caroline's neck but Mrs Trerhyn went on blithely.

'Sharon would have shed her tears then gone on to someone else instead of letting it change her. But not you, dear. You're deep, that you are. Much too deep for the likes of Philip Tregenna.

'Now if you were to set your sights on David Tremain ...' She rolled her rheumy blue eyes,'... there's the man for you. A real gentleman, he is. Why, I remember when he and that young whelp Jason Caine used to come in here. Two opposite ends of the social scale, they were: Jason with his millions and David without two coins to rub together. But you couldn't tell by looking at them which was which.' Her eyes softened with reminiscence. 'They were true gentlemen, both of them, and two closer friends you'd never find—until Judith Treloar came between them.'

She looked straight into Caroline's face and wagged a bony finger. 'Something funny there, mark my words. She was engaged to Jason, you know, but up and ran off to America with David. I never did believe all the gossip that followed them about David being the father of her child. He was too much of a gentleman to cause her that kind of hurt. Sir James believed it, though. He disowned them and told David he'd never forgive him. He vowed he'd never see a penny of the money he thought he'd married.'

Caroline's heart gave a sudden painful thump. Even here she couldn't escape David. She would have liked to scream at Mrs Trerhyn to stop but she controlled herself. 'Please, Mrs Trerhyn,' she said softly, 'we really shouldn't be discussing David's personal affairs like this. We know nothing about his marriage to Judith.'

She looked slightly taken aback. 'What? Above a bit of a gossip, are you?'

'No. But I know first hand how much gossip can hurt.'

Mrs Trerhyn suddenly had the grace to look ashamed. 'I'd actually forgotten all the spiteful things said about you when Philip left . . . You're right, my dear. Forgive me.'

Caroline nodded unhappily and gave the notice board another cursory inspection.

All the next week she combed the newspapers for situations vacant but found nothing there either. Mrs Trerhyn offered to keep an eye and an ear open and Caroline knew she was burning with curiosity as to why she wanted a job but she couldn't tell her. She couldn't even discuss it with Morwenna for fear she would try to talk her out of it.

She managed to keep out of David's way except at mealtimes when she had no choice. Not a word passed between them since that night on the cliffs. David was different now. Always a quiet man before, he became aloof and taciturn. His expression wasn't cold these days, but the craggy lines seemed to be etched deeper into his skin and his eyes weren't as bright and his mouth rarely curved into a smile even when he was alone with Sharon and his son.

David and Morwenna made no move to return to her house now that Grandy was better. Part of her wished they'd go but another more masochistic part of her was glad they stayed. She could watch him from a distance and dream her useless dreams and wish with utter futility that it all could be different.

Steven settled into the family as if he was born to it and try as she might, it was impossible for Caroline not to become more and more attached to him. He was always close to her side. Every once in a while she'd catch a flash of something in his face and a strange warm feeling would run through her. What it was or why it happened, she couldn't say. But there was something about him she couldn't quite put her finger on.

Maybe it was because David was his father, she told herself cynically, though a fat lot of good that did her. She should be discouraging this closeness not cultivating it. It wouldn't be fair to leave Steven with yet another gaping hole in his life when she found employment and left him. And she would be leaving soon. There had to be a job for her somewhere.

Spring gently turned into summer but depression hung over her like a great black cloud growing darker with each passing day.

Her brothers were finished with school for the summer holidays and how the house was alive and pulsing with their sheer joy of living from morning until night. There were new lambs and calves. The trees were all in bloom and the earth was bursting with all the richness of its bounty but Caroline saw none of it. She went through the motions of living but she was just marking time and she knew it.

Steven was learning to ride a pony this bright sunny morning at the beginning of July and her brothers called her to join them. 'Come and watch, Caro,' they shouted, their voices ringing on the warm, flower-laden breeze.

She waved to them from her bedroom window. The flimsy excuses she gave to avoid such family gatherings as this were becoming transparent even to her so she didn't bother to think them up any more. She simply pretended she was too busy.

For some reason her heart squeezed painfully when she saw them all standing at the paddock watching Steven. Her father was next to Morwenna with his arm lightly resting across her shoulders. Sharon was sitting on the fence close to David but angled so that she was facing John Polgearon. When Caroline saw her bat her eyes at John and smile provocatively, rage rose in her throat. Sharon was too old for games like this. She didn't have to try to make David jealous. He wasn't the kind to respond to such tactics. He was already eating out of her hand. What more did she want? Blood? And it was wrong for her to lead John on. He'd become a good friend ever since Grandy's stroke and he deserved better treatment than that. Rob and Tim were perched on the fence, shouting encouragement and hooting while Mike led Steven round and round on the gentle pony. Grandy stood there, tall and still, his cane hooked over his arm, watching with a crooked smile.

Caroline's mouth curved gently. Grandy was so much better now. He rarely needed his cane any more but he still carried it with him whenever he was going to be outside for any length of time. She knew she would be out of place if she joined them. She didn't belong any more. She wondered if she ever did.

'Caroline? May I come in?' Morwenna's musical voice sounded behind her before she tapped lightly on the open bedroom door.

'Oh. Yes, of course.' She turned from the window and straightened the curtains self-consciously, chagrined to have been caught looking.

'We were wondering why you won't come to watch Steven,' she said softly without censure. 'He's very proud of his accomplishments.'

Caroline shrugged. 'I wanted to finish up a few things first.'

Morwenna looked at the piles of clothing that were sorted out and neatly folded on the bed. 'I'd like to think you were cleaning out your drawers but it looks more like you're getting ready to pack. Are you going somewhere?'

Stiffening, Caroline lifted her chin in a defensive gesture. 'That's right.'

'Oh, Caro.' A sad smile mingled with pity ran across her face. 'I used to be able to read you like a book but now you won't let me in. What's happened? Why are you thinking of leaving home?'

'No special reason. I've finally grown up, that's all.' She lifted her shoulders and shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, giving her a breezy smile that didn't fool her for a minute. 'It's about time, don't you think?'

'Growing up doesn't mean you have to withdraw from your family. You never spend any time with them any more, except for Steven. It's as though you're hiding away up here.' Her face creased into troubled lines. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

'There's nothing to talk about. Honestly.' Her smile faltered and became wooden. 'I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've decided I need a change. If I can't find anything in the village, I may go to Penzance to find a job.'

Morwenna's eyes widened. 'But Caroline! You know you love the farm. You'd be lost doing anything else.'

'How do I know that? I've never tried anything else. Maybe I'll love it.'

Consternation was written all over her as she weakly subsided on to a straight-backed chair near the bed. 'Why, Caro? Why now?'

'It's time.' She pushed aside some of her clothes and sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her shoes. 'Remember after Philip jilted me? You said there's a time for everything? "To every thing there is a season ..." ' she began to quote. 'Well, I've thought about it and,' she looked up and held her gaze steadily, 'you were right. When I loved Philip, it wasn't time for me to love. I never faced it before. All I did was hide behind my family for the past year and pretend it never happened. Now I've seen it for what it was. Philip didn't love me and I didn't really love him. I'm finally putting it behind me. Now it's time for me to go on.'

'I see.' Morwenna looked at her long and hard, knowing there was more to it but unable to see past the defensive barrier Caroline kept between them. 'Well then, if there's no changing your mind, will you do me one last favour before you go?'

She tilted her head. 'If I can.'

'Wait until after the wedding,' she said softly, her eyes full of tenderness, a broad smile tugging at her lips before helplessly spreading across her face.

But Caroline missed it. She sat staring straight ahead in stunned silence. Shock struck at her, and wild panic. She held her breath.

So, David finally did it! He'd asked Sharon to marry him. Her whole body stiffened as ice shuddered down her spine. She sat up straight and her mind began to spin and whirl and dip and plunge. Why hadn't she left sooner? This was just the thing she wanted to avoid. How could she offer David and Sharon congratulations and pretend to be happy for them?

A long shivering ran through her. Gripping her hands together, she stared blindly ahead, seeing them together in each other's arms, smiling at each other in all their wedding finery. Her breath became short and ragged and painful. Her heart roared. Her pale, bloodless face dampened with a sick flush.

'Caroline!' Morwenna's dreamy look was completely erased. Real concern took its place. 'What is it?'

She struggled to find her voice and make it sound normal. How could she let herself behave like this in front of anyone? She knew it was coming. She should have been prepared. 'I'm sorry, Morwenna,' she choked, turning her face away before she betrayed too much. She had to get out of here but she couldn't move. The walls of her room, the sunlight, the breeze coming in the open window, the distant lowing of cattle and the murmur of the sea merged together in a great blinding swirl before her.

Morwenna took her cold clammy hands and forcibly squeezed them, chafing the skin almost frantically. 'I never expected this kind of reaction from you. I thought you'd be happy for me. You know I've loved your father for a long time.'

The blinding red mist began to clear from her eyes. She saw Morwenna standing in front of her but it was as if from a great distance and through a darkened tunnel. 'You love my father?' she repeated stupidly. Her lips moved stiffly. It made no sense to her.

'He asked me to marry him last night,' she said. 'We didn't mention it to the others yet. I wanted you to be the first to know.'

Caroline's shoulders sagged. She swallowed noisily and felt as if something was running out of her. The tight constriction around her heart lessened and she looked at Morwenna as if she'd never seen her before. Her eyes were almost pleading. 'My father asked you to marry him?' she whispered. 'That's the wedding you're talking about?'

'Why, yes. Whose did you think I meant?'

Caroline's face flushed deeply. The breath she had been holding suddenly left her in a noisy rush. Shudders ran over her skin and a brilliant relieved smile broke like sunshine across her face. 'Oh, Morwenna!' She shot to her feet and hugged her tightly, helplessly, almost giddy with relief. David wasn't marrying Sharon yet. There was still time for her to get away. 'Oh, I'm so happy for you. And even happier for Daddy. You'll be so good for him.'

Morwenna smiled back through a frown. 'Are you sure?'

'Oh, yes!' she laughed. 'I knew there was something between you. I just didn't realise— oh, I'm so glad!'

'Thank you, Caro,' she said softly, still not convinced that she was all right. 'I know I'm not the biggest prize in the world but I hope to make your father happy.' ,

'Of course you will. When do you plan to tell the others?'

She blushed delicately. 'Well, since they're all together right now ... How about it? Will you come with me? Lend us your moral support?'

Caroline couldn't refuse. 'Of course.' She smiled widely, linking her arm through hers.

'And will you be my bridesmaid?'

'If you want me.'

'You're my best friend—though now I'll be your wicked stepmother. I wouldn't dream of having anyone else.'

Caroline laughed delightedly, a full rich sound that rang around the room. 'Wicked stepmother. I like that.'

When they reached the paddock, Steven was sitting awkwardly in his saddle but his smile stretched from ear to ear.

'Look, Caro! I'm riding!' he shouted, gripping the saddle horn with both hands.

'That's wonderful, darling.' She grinned at him. Going up to her father, she slid her arm around his waist. 'And it's wonderful about you as well, Dad.'

He looked sheepishly at her before wrapping an arm about her and gathering Morwenna to his other side. 'You don't think I'm an old fool?'

'You'd only be a fool if you let her get away from you.'

'Ah-h-h.' There was a wealth of satisfaction in the word as he gently kissed the top of Caroline's head. 'Thank you, my dear. You don't think the others will see it as a betrayal of your mother?'

'Not at all,' she said seriously, trying to erase the slight frown on his brow. 'They love you too much to think that. It's time for you to be happy again—and Morwenna's so right for you, for all of us.'

He nodded and squeezed her gently before turning to smile at Morwenna. Clearing his throat, he looked to the rest of his family. 'There's something I'd like you all to know,' he said in a curiously nervous voice that caught their attention immediately. 'Last night I asked Morwenna to marry me.'

For a moment there was total silence then suddenly they all began crowding around and talking at once.

'Great!' Tim shouted, hopping up and down. His little face was beaming.

'Super!' Rob bellowed. He looked at Morwenna and grinned. 'I knew Daddy never had a chance once you decided he needed you.'

'Oh, how wonderful!' Sharon clapped her hands and swung on the fence, letting a fatuously grinning John lift her down.

A warm knowing smile crossed David's face when he looked at them but he didn't say anything.

Grandy scowled because it was expected of him but he couldn't quite contain a broad grin. 'And what did Morwenna say when you asked her?' he asked, as if there was any doubt.

Alec laughed self-consciously. 'She said she's already seen me at my worst.' His face softened when he looked down into her lambent eyes. 'She's willing to take a chance on me.'

'Chance,' Grandy snorted. 'That has nothing to do with it. I saw her looking at your tea leaves last night. She's the most dangerous kind of woman there is. She'll always know what you're thinking. I told you to drink coffee.' His smile took the sting out of his words and Morwenna laughed delightedly when he stepped forward to kiss her.

Michael, who was leading Steven's pony, let out a loud whoop of delight without thinking. It startled both Steven and the horse and he reared back, tumbling Steven to the ground.

Before anyone else could move, Caroline vaulted over the fence and was the first to reach him. 'Are you all right?'

His little arms circled her neck, nearly choking her, and he pressed his face into her shirt front dampening it With his tears.

'It's all right to be afraid,' she soothed, 'but are you hurt?'

He shook his head but wouldn't release his choking hold.

After a minute his trembling body was prised loose and he was held high in his father's arms. 'You'll be all right, Steve. It wasn't a bad fall. You know what you have to do, don't you?' David said softly.

Steven leaned back looking straight into his eyes without wavering then he looked to Caroline. Biting his lips, he buried his face into David's neck, shuddering helplessly. 'I can't.'

'Steven,' he murmured gently, stroking his back, 'If you don't get right back on, you'll probably never ride a horse again. You'll be too afraid. You don't want that, do you?'

'That's right,' Mike added, coming up behind them with the pony. 'It was my fault the horse threw you. I startled him and he reared back. You didn't fall off because you did something wrong. How about it? Won't you try again? You were having so much fun.'

Steven took a deep shuddering breath before sliding out of David's arms. The saddle looked an awfully long way up but, squeezing his eyes shut, he reached for it and awkwardly lifted his leg and swung himself up.

'Like a pro,' Mike soothed.

For a minute he nearly lost his seat as the pony sensed his fear and began to shuffle nervously.

Caroline instinctively started forward but David's hands shot out, forcibly holding her back.

'No. Don't touch him. Let him do it.'

It was the right thing to say and Caroline knew it but her oversensitive emotions where David was concerned had her twisting it out of proportion. Of course, she was babying Steven and he couldn't have that, could he? She turned, her eyes locking with his for a screaming instant before she finally looked again at Steven. Trying to shrug her arm out of David's grasp, he merely tightened his grip and pulled her out of the way, moulding her back against his long frame.

'Watch,' he said from somewhere behind her ear.

Steven's face was white with anxiety as he tried to regain his balance. 'I'm not scared,' he said to nobody in particular.

In a bold gesture, David said quite softly: 'Hand him the reins, Mike. Steven, see if you can guide the pony to us.'

Us. The word shivered through Caroline. There was no us even though she and David were standing so close together she could feel every hard warm muscle in his body pressed against her back. They might have been the only two people there, she thought with a quivering ache. Everything was so intensely quiet and still.

David's voice was firm with all the confidence in the world in his son's ability to handle himself, but his grip on Caroline's arms was bone crushing.

She could feel the fine trembling in him and hear the irregular thudding of his heartbeat. Without thinking, her arms crossed in front of her and her hands covered his on her shoulders, squeezing hard to let him know she felt the same. This might have been their son they were watching with such exclusive concentration. For a moment the thought ran through her and made her weak.

Almost in slow motion, Steven brought the pony forward without any mishap. David shuddered against Caroline for one more long second then stepped away and lifted him out of the saddle.

'You did it!' he congratulated him, swinging him high in his arms.

'Well, young man, you stole my thunder,' Alec said with a laugh. 'But you've all the makings of a good rider. Anyone can see that.'

The excited babble of laughter and congratulations and best wishes once again washed over them as they all started for the house. Only Caroline was left standing alone in the paddock, her shaking hands absently stroking the pony's nose when he nuzzled her pocket for an apple.

A rush of loneliness shivered through her and an overwhelming sense of loss now that David had gone. Get used to it, she told herself. This is the way it will be when you finally leave. Her throat constricted when her eyes involuntarily ^swept over the house and yard and barn. But all she really saw was David. This was her home. Everything she ever wanted was here. David was here. How could she think of leaving? Yet how could she stay? With Morwenna taking her mother's place, nothing would be the same. And it would change even more when David and Sharon ...

She swallowed convulsively and felt a harsh sob rising uncontrollably in her throat. Why couldn't she think of anything else? Why did everything always have to come back to David? God, she was beginning to hate the sound of his name.

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