CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FOUR

When they reached home Caroline blocked it all out of her mind. There were sure to be more pressing problems waiting for her. Expecting to find her family in utter chaos, she was surprised to see them at the kitchen table quietly finishing up their evening meal.

Her brothers sat in their places slightly subdued and nervously glancing at Morwenna as if she were some kind of stern fairy godmother who loved them but would put up with no nonsense.

Morwenna sat in Caroline's place at the foot of the table speaking brightly to their father as if there wasn't a thing wrong with him. 'I've forgotten, Alec. Do you take sugar in your coffee?' she asked.

When he kept staring emptily ahead without answering, she shrugged in an offhand way.

'I don't use it myself,' she went on. 'Bad for the figure at our age. I suppose you feel the same?' She knew as well as anyone that he preferred two spoonsful but she deftly moved the sugar bowl out of his reach. If he wanted it, he'd have to ask or help himself.

Sharon opened her mouth but at an almost imperceptible flick of Morwenna's wrist, she stopped and sat back without saying anything.

'Ah, Caro. David.' Morwenna smiled at them and gracefully rose from her chair. 'You're back just in time. I've left your plates warming in the oven but you look as if you could do with a good cup of tea first.'

'Coffee,' David said abruptly.

That brought Morwenna's head up with a jerk. She never heard him speak harshly before. Her eyes immediately went from his to Caroline's strained face before narrowing thoughtfully. 'Coffee, then,' she smiled.

'Oh, David!' Sharon launched herself into his arms, clinging tightly.

Watching his arms instinctively close around her, a cold hand twisted Caroline's stomach, bringing with it a sudden flood of guilt. Her mouth began to throb with the memory of his kiss and she unthinkingly put up her hand as if to cover an imprint he'd left behind. Why hadn't she given a thought to Sharon? For a week now Sharon had been sending out all kinds of Blatant signals that she found David fascinating and attractive and hoped eventually to make him hers.

Caroline turned at once, afraid that everything she felt was written all over her face. She started to leave the kitchen when Tim rushed up to her, wrapping his arms around her thighs. She couldn't very well push him away. Her own problems would have to wait. Gently releasing his hold, she went down on her knees beside him, letting him press his face into her neck. 'It's all right, Tim,' she soothed, knowing he didn't really understand any of this. 'Grandy's going to be all right.'

'David rang and told us that but Robbie said he was going to die! Just like Mum did! Just like Steven's Mum, too!' His eyes filled with tears and he sobbed into her neck.

'Oh he did, did he?' She threw Rob an impatient look.

He sat at the table next to Michael, red faced and belligerent. 'Well, he might. How do you know he won't?'

Tim drew away from her to look into her face with tear-drenched eyes, wanting to be reassured but too full of doubts to really trust her.

'No one can say for sure when someone is or isn't going to die,' she said truthfully, wanting to shake Rob until his teeth rattled. Tim was no stranger to death but he didn't need his brother hurling it at him again so cruelly like this. 'When we left Grandy, he was sleeping peacefully. The doctor told us,' her voice began to quiver, 'the stroke he had was slight. With medication and therapy there's no reason for him not to be fine again in a few months.'

Tim searched her face. 'If that's the truth, then why are your eyes all red? You've been crying too.'

'Of course she has,' David said quietly, untangling himself from Sharon and coming down on his haunches beside them. Drawing Steven to one side and Tim away from Caroline to the other, curled an arm around each of them and smiled reassuringly. 'She was just as scared as you were until the doctor came and told us Grandy was going to be all right. Then she fell apart.' He gave Tim a conspiratorial smile and winked as if he was imparting some strictly male wisdom. 'Women! How can we ever understand them? We cry when we think something's wrong— not when we find out it's all right.'

At once Tim relaxed against him and even managed a watery grin before scrubbing away his tears. 'Yeah, women!' he said scathingly. 'Grandy always says he can't understand Caro because she's half a bubble off plumb.'

David's jaw quivered and he tried to keep his grin contained but he couldn't quite manage it. He threw his head back and practically roared with helpless laughter. Caroline coloured hotly. She hadn't heard that one before. The rest of her brothers joined in and even Morwenna had to smile. Her father stared ahead unblinkingly and Sharon just stood and watched David with a dreamy look on her face.

'What's plumb, Daddy?' Steven's little voice floated up to him.

He kept chuckling. 'It's a weight suspended from the end of a line. It's used to determine whether something's straight.'

Steven frowned, not getting the connection.

'You know that level I have in my tool box? The one with the bubble that floats in the little glass tube?' he explained patiently— to Caroline's annoyance. Why didn't he just forget it?

Steven nodded.

'Well, when you measure something and it's not quite level, the bubble isn't in the centre. It's said to be off plumb.' He flashed Caroline a devilish grin, hugely enjoying himself at her expense. 'Half a bubble off plumb means she's not quite right.'

Steven looked from him to her, not smiling at all. Then he gravely reached out and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'I think your bubbles are all in the right places,' he said gently.

She felt an inexplicable tightness gather in her throat but she flashed a smug look to all of them and hugged her champion tightly. 'Thank you, kind sir. How very gallant of you to say so.'

David became unusually still, looking at his son artlessly wrapped in her arms. Then his eyes met hers and something moved in them.

'All right, all of you, the joke's over,' Morwenna said briskly, shattering the moment. 'Time to get busy. Rob, will you help Sharon sort out the bedrooms? We need two extra. One for David and one for me. Steven can bunk with Tim . . .' she quirked a dark eyebrow at Tim,'. . . that is, if there are no shenanigans at bedtime. Mike, take Tim and Steven with you to make sure the cows are in for the night—or out—or whatever it is you do with them.' Her no-nonsense voice had them all scattering at once. 'Caroline, you and David come and sit down. I'll have your meal on the table in no time.' Her eyes flicked to their father, surreptitiously reaching for the sugar bowl. A smile ran across her lips but she pretended not to see. 'I realise you had to be brief on the telephone, David. Now you can fill Alec and me in on all the details . . .'

Everything seemed to be working out fine, Caroline reflected later that night as she lay in her room under the eaves, staring at the ceiling in the dark. Morwenna had everything tinder control Her father was being looked after. The boys were all settled and knew what was expected of them. David was capable of handling the farmwork with her brothers' sporadic help. Tomorrow she and Sharon would start daily visits to the hospital to see Grandy. So why was she feeling so tearful and strangely bereft?

Everything was falling into place with no effort on Morwenna's part, that was why. It should have eased her mind. Instead, it only made her more aware of her own inadequacies. In the past year nothing ran this smoothly for her.

David was the fly in the ointment, she thought resentfully. He kept insinuating himself into everything. No matter how much she tried to banish him from her thoughts, he wouldn't leave.

She punched her pillow and turned on her side, resolutely closing her eyes, trying to quiet her troubled conscience. 'I won't think about him,' she whispered, her throbbing body aware that he was only a few feet down the hall from her. It was ridiculous. He meant nothing to her. He belonged to Sharon. If only she'd never said hello ...

Everything that happened on their way home this evening kept weaving its way through her mind with frightening intensity. It wasn't the first time she'd ever been kissed so why was she making such a big deal of it? But there it was: the blueness of his eyes, the pleasurably rough texture of his skin, the thick silkiness of his hair sliding through her fingers, the muscled hardness of his body warmly pressing against the entire length of hers, the infinite gentleness of his mouth. She despised herself for remembering it all so vividly.

Sharon would be devastated if she knew. David belonged to Sharon, she argued with herself. Sharon was closer in age as well as interests. Ten years stood between Caroline and David. Ten years of age and wisdom and experience. It was too much of a difference. She could never hope to bridge the gap. Sharon, maybe, but not Caroline.

She was plain. He was handsome. She fell apart in emergencies. He remained quietly in control. She had never travelled out of Cornwall. He had been as far away as America. She knew nothing at all about life or love or happiness. He knew everything about all of them. He had lived, loved, married. He even had a son.

She tossed and turned, kicked off the sheet, pulled it up again, smoothed her white cotton nightgown with shaking fingers, scrubbed her hands across her face. Oh, what was the matter with her? She turned on her back and grimaced in the dark.

Grandy would soon be better and when he came home, David would go back to Morwenna's, she told herself. She'd be left in peace. She turned on her other side and gripped her pillow with a clenched fist. No she wouldn't. He'd end up marrying Sharon and she'd spend all her time imagining them together.

She could see his tall powerful body curled into Sharon's warm curves, his hands ruffling her black wisps of hair, his arms enfolding her in that charmed circle . . .

She sat up with a jerk. No! She buried her face in her hands, willing away this insanity. She wouldn't be jealous. Sharon was welcome to him. She didn't want him, she thought desperately. She didn't want any man. She wouldn't love again. Love meant emptiness and loss and betrayal. She wouldn't let it happen again, David was nothing! Sharon would be good to him. Let her try her luck with men. Caroline was through. She had her father and her brothers. They were enough. They had to be enough.

And then she remembered David's gently mocking voice. '... oh no, not Caroline, she doesn't need anybody ... that might mean leaving herself wide open to hurt again ... damn you ... do you think I'd ever hurt you?'

I don't know, she thought. I don't want to find out. If only she hadn't said hello.

Caroline was late for breakfast the next morning. They were just finishing when she came in with mumbled apologies. No one commented on her puffy eyes or wan appearance. They all knew how attached she was to Grandy and how worried she had been. It was only natural she'd have a hard time getting to sleep last night.

Her heart missed a beat when she looked at David but she turned her head sharply and studiously avoided looking at him sitting at the opposite end of the table. His features were taut and a muscle jerked in his cheek. She had a feeling he was as aware of her as she was of him.

Morwenna's eyes became thoughtful but nothing was said.

Later in the morning when the housework was done and she and Morwenna were alone in the kitchen preparing lunch, Caroline thanked her for seeing to her father earlier.

'I usually get up a few minutes early to shave him,' she said softly. 'I don't know how I could oversleep like that.'

Morwenna stopped peeling potatoes and looked up, astounded. 'You shave him!' she choked, her hands curling around the edge of the sink.

'Why, yes.' Her face fell. 'Didn't you do it for him this morning? I noticed how smooth his face looked.'

'Caroline!'

She hunched her shoulders.

'I don't believe it! You actually shave your father?' Her mouth fell open in shock.

'Ever since—Philip,' she stopped and gripped her arms together almost hugging her waist. 'He was letting himself go, Morwenna. And it was all my fault. Naturally I had to take care of him.'

'Oh, naturally,' she said scathingly.

Caroline looked at her in helpless confusion. 'You should have seen him,' she defended herself. 'He looked so scruffy. His beard was coming all patchy and shaggy-like.'

'Believe me, if it itched enough, he'd have shaved it off himself! Honestly, Caroline, I don't know where your head is sometimes. Shaving your father! And I suppose all this time you've been force-feeding him too? As if he were a baby?'

'Well—the way he is—it's all my fault.'

'Oh come on. It's nobody's fault. You've been carrying that burden of guilt long enough. It's time to put it behind you. I didn't shave your father this morning. I'm sure he wouldn't have thanked me if I'd tried. I'd probably have cut his face all up and made him bleed to death. As far as I know, he did it himself when you didn't show up to do it for him.'

Caroline's eyes widened.

'No wonder he never tried to bounce back! He didn't have to!' Morwenna's eyes flashed fire. 'Whatever happened between him and Philip Tregenna is best left in the past where it belongs. If your father had been able to put it behind him before now, he would have gone on and got better. But you never let him!' Her voice softened but she was angry too. 'You've got to stop doing everything for him, Caro. He's capable of caring for himself. If he gets hungry enough or thirsty enough, he'll get himself something to eat or drink. He's not a cripple but you're turning him into one.'

Caroline put a shaking hand to her mouth. 'I was only trying to help.'

'I know,' Morwenna said softly, suddenly contrite and full of sympathy. 'But sometimes you can try too hard and be too kind. Trust me, Caro. Your father's had some kind of shock so it'll take another one to bring him out of it. Maybe now's the time. Maybe this stroke of Grandy's is just the thing to turn everything around. All I ask is that you let me try to help him. Will you?'

She looked sceptical. 'What can you do?'

'I watched him last night and I have a plan. Just trust me,' she said again, 'and say nothing. No matter what. Understand?'

Caroline nodded uneasily, not really understanding at all.

At lunchtime, Morwenna sat in Caroline's place next to her father and watched Alec shuffle in and subside on to his chair with his vacant, preoccupied air. She spooned some fluffy mashed potatoes on to her plate then held out the bowl to him. 'Potatoes, Alec?' she asked quietly.

He stared ahead unseeingly.

Morwenna waited a minute then looked pointedly at his flat stomach. 'Well, you are getting a paunch, aren't you? At your age and with so little exercise it's inevitable. But total starvation to get rid of it is a bit drastic, don't you think? You didn't have any breakfast this morning. Surely you must be hungry?'

A dull red began to creep up his neck but he said nothing, staring emptily ahead as if he hadn't heard.

'Suit yourself,' she sighed, bypassing him and handing the bowl to Sharon with a bright smile.

Sharon's lips twitched and David grinned outright. An eloquent look passed between the two of them but they said nothing. Evidently Morwenna had already enlisted their help as well.

'Fried chicken, Alec?' she tried again.

At no response, the plate went to Sharon. His eyes flickered but still, he said nothing.

A green salad was next, followed by a big plate of spring vegetables.

They all sat quietly eating and it was all Caroline could do to keep herself from saying something. Her father looked so hungry. Morwenna knew this was one of his favourite meals. How could she be so cruel? But Caroline had promised, so she said nothing.

When they finished, Sharon began clearing the table. 'Coffee, Daddy?' she asked, her hand hovering near the coffee pot, wanting to pour some.

His eyes suddenly came alive, losing their dull glazed expression. A look almost of triumph flashed to Morwenna but still he said nothing and his face didn't alter its lines of hopeless apathy. Only his eyes were alive.

When he didn't answer her, Sharon shrugged and took it to the sink and began pouring it down the drain.

Something like a sob broke the silence. He got to his feet and shuffled out, his gait more unsteady than usual.

Caroline's throat closed with tears. Ordinarily she had a great respect for Morwenna's wisdom but this time she didn't know what she was doing. 'You can't starve him, Morwenna!'

'Trust me,' she answered, turning away to hide a slightly worried frown. 'I knew he was a proud man. I just didn't realise he'd be this stubborn.'

'Where do you think Caroline gets it from?' David muttered, wadding up his napkin and pushing back his chair.

Bristling, Caroline opened her mouth to defend herself but out of the corner of her eye she saw Steven unobtrusively folding something in his napkin and stuffing it in his shirt.

He slid off his chair and followed her father out without a word.

As far as she knew, no one else noticed what he had done and not wanting to draw any attention to him, she dropped her eyes to her lap and kept silent.

A little later, before she left for the hospital with Sharon, she noticed her father sitting in the garden with Steven on the grass at his feet. She couldn't be sure but she thought she saw him wipe his mouth with the back of his hand and they both seemed to share the wary smiles of two conspirators.

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