Chapter Six

1990 – The Northwoods Island City

Jackson and Molly were tucked on the roof, sitting on a blanket. Jackson had been extremely quiet since they had climbed up there. A couple of hours had passed, with Molly trying to make small chitchat just so she would talk to her. They had gone to get some dinner earlier when Molly got hungry. Jackson brooded in the car the entire trip and only spoke to say what she wanted in the drive-through lane. Other than that, Molly had done all the talking, much to Jackson’s aggravation.

Molly had tried to get Jackson to play her recorder or something to take her mind off of what had happened. Jackson didn’t want anything to do with anything at that moment.

“What are you feeling? Talk to me, sweetie. ” Molly stroked Jackson’s back with her fingertips.

Jackson sighed for the millionth time, not wanting to talk to Molly. She was dying to talk to Erin about the accident, wanted to know how she was. Something. She felt numb and wanted the hurt she was feeling to go away. Her fear of Katie Hawkins had kept her away from cabin six.

“Look, I told you hours ago that I wasn’t going to be good company. I really don’t feel like talking. ” To you.

“I know, Jack, but you’ll feel better. ”

Sighing with annoyance, Jackson said, “Hey, you’ve got that cooler in your trunk. What I’d really like is a cold beer. That just might make me feel better. ”

Finally having something to make her girlfriend happy, Molly jumped up to retrieve the small cooler from her car. Jackson watched her climb down the ladder as she looked out over the water. The sun had set and she just wanted the peace that she knew would come from sitting up there. Jackson’s thoughts were filled with the memories of seeing Erin’s lifeless body in the boat—images that would stay with her forever. It was the worst experience she’d ever had in her short life and one she didn’t want to encounter ever again. The only thing setting her mind at ease was that it was she who had saved Erin’s life. All of the lifeguard and CPR training her aunt made her go through had paid off. After many lectures about the liability of the resort, Jackson finally acquiesced to the training and now was so glad she had. Erin was alive. The alternative was something she couldn’t even imagine. Nor did she want to.

Hearing Molly’s footsteps on the ladder brought Jackson back to the present. A cold beer, that is definitely going to hit the spot. When Molly brought up the twelve-pack out of the cooler, Jackson’s eyes lit up.

Molly plopped the wet cardboard box down between them. “The ice had melted and got this all soaked. I just grabbed this to make the climb easier. She pulled out a bottle and gave it to Jackson, who immediately twisted the cap off and downed a significant amount in one swallow.

“Ahh, that’s the stuff right there, ” she said, then belched loudly, to her own amusement.

“Oh gross, Jack. You sound like my dad. ”

Jackson downed her beer in a matter of minutes then reached for another. She opened a second bottle, planning to drink it more slowly than the first. Molly was only halfway done with her first. Jackson took a deep calming breath, feeling better than she had in hours. She took a long look over the water. “It is so beautiful here. ”

Molly scooted closer to her and draped an arm around her. “Yes, it is. ”

“Thanks for bringing the beer. I didn’t think I was gonna want it, but now I’m really glad it’s here. ” She leaned over and lightly kissed Molly’s lips. “I’m sorry for being so moody. ”

Molly’s insides swirled at the tone of Jackson’s voice. She knew the alcohol was mellowing her out and she’d soon be pliable. Molly had never met anyone, especially not a girl, who could kiss like Jackson. She couldn’t wait to taste those lips again.

Erin had been lying in bed for several minutes after waking from her nap. Her eyes adjusted slowly, realizing that night had fallen. Her father had come in a couple hours prior asking if she wanted dinner. Shaking her head, she opted to sleep more instead. The boating accident had really scared her, and as much as she wanted to see Jackson to talk about it, she knew it would just create more problems with her mother.

Flashes of her accident stormed her dreams. She had woken with a start after the last one and decided to stay awake. She watched the movement of the shadows on her bedroom wall. There was a slight breeze moving the tree branches outside of her room. A full moon was shining brightly through the open window. The temperature, like the day, was perfect—not too hot and not too cool. Her bladder dictated her next move and she got up to use the bathroom. When she opened the door, she saw her dad asleep on the couch in front of the television. Thinking that her mother had gone to bed, she continued to the bathroom.

As she approached the door, her mother came out of the bedroom. “Hi, honey. How are you feeling? ”

“A little draggy, but much better. Sleep did wonders for me. ”

Katie touched her hair, gently tucking it behind an ear. “I’m so glad you weren’t hurt today. ”

A small smile made its way to Erin’s mouth. She was waiting for the snakes to appear in her mother’s hair. They never came. “Thanks, Mom. ”

Katie pulled her daughter into a heartfelt hug. “I thought I heard you out here, so I wanted to say goodnight. I love you, honey. I was really scared today; I didn’t mean to embarrass you. ”

A genuine smile reached Erin’s lips. “I love you too, Mom. I think everyone was a little on edge after what happened. ” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, soaking in the comfort her mother was giving. “I think I’m gonna walk out on the pier. The moon is full tonight and I really want to sketch it. ” The two pulled out of their hug. Seeing the disapproval on her mother’s face, she said, “I’m not going to see Jack, Mom; I promise. I just want to sketch and take some of the awful imagery out of my head. ”

Feeling badly, Katie nodded. “I’m sorry. Just be careful, and don’t stay out too late, all right? ”

“Sure, Mom. Wake Dad, though. He’s starting to snore out there. He’s gonna scare the wildlife. ” They shared a smile and Erin bade her mother goodnight.

After using the facilities, Erin brushed her teeth and her hair to rid herself of sleep. She wanted to sketch the moonlight on the water and didn’t want to miss a thing due to tiredness.

She walked into her room and grabbed her pack of supplies and her sketchbook. She watched as her mom ushered her dad off the couch. “G’night, Dad. ”

“Where you off to, Peanut? ” he asked in a sleep-garbled voice.

“Just to the pier to do some drawing. I won’t be out late. ” She walked over and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “See you in the morning. ”

“Night, Peanut. ”

Erin left the cabin and walked to the pier. Grabbing one of the chairs, she positioned herself directly in front of the full moon, marveling at its glory. It was huge, larger than she could remember seeing a moon. She grabbed her sketchbook and a pencil and began to draw.

Jackson was already on her fifth beer when Molly finished her second beer. She was feeling a little wasted and knew Jackson was way beyond that. Since she’d consumed the fourth bottle, she had been kissing Molly passionately. Molly had pulled back from the force of her mouth the last time. Jackson’s passion was consuming, overwhelming her.

Trying to dilute some of Jackson’s intensity, Molly suggested, “Jack, what do you say we go skinny-dipping? No one’s out here. The water will feel great against our bodies, don’t you think? ” She waggled her eyebrows at an intoxicated Jackson.

“Naked, water, and you? Hell, yeah. Let’s go! ” Jackson jumped up and climbed down the ladder, swinging her body into the loft. Molly was on her heels and soon in the loft with her. Jackson pulled her close and kissed her again. “I can’t wait to feel you naked against me, ” she panted.

“Me too, ” Molly replied.

They climbed down the second ladder and started removing their clothes. Jackson watched as Molly slowly removed her sleeveless top, reached around and unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor. Jackson drank in the sight of the bare breasts. Molly pushed off the rest of her clothing, presenting herself to Jackson’s appreciative eyes.

Jackson unceremoniously took her clothes off in half a second. Her tall, lean frame was illuminated by the moonlight. Extending her hand to Jackson, Molly walked closer to the naked loveliness that was her girlfriend. “God, you are gorgeous, Jack, ” she said. “Come on, let’s get in the water. ”

Jackson took her hand and they walked to the edge of the boat docks. She knew the water was very shallow so she stepped in. Molly followed, gasping as the cool water touched her skin.

“Come on, this feels fantastic. ” Jackson trotted out into the water and when it was deep enough, she dove under. She swam a few strokes then broke the plane of the water. Molly swam after her, giggling all the while. They splashed and laughed and were soon chasing each other. Jackson knew she probably shouldn’t be swimming while buzzed, but at that moment, she didn’t care. At the moment, she wasn’t feeling badly about the accident. Right now was about Molly, and her nakedness, and wanting to feel it against her.

She ducked under the water and sprouted up in front of a surprised Molly. “Boo! ”

Molly shrieked and splashed Jackson for scaring her. Jackson grabbed her splashing hand and brought it behind her neck. “Come here. ”

Jackson kissed Molly, earning her a deep groan. She brought her arms around Molly and when their bodies met, she knew nothing but the sensations flowing through her core.

Erin’s pencil was flying across the page. Her hands had found an incredible rhythm and her moon on the water had begun to take amazing shape. She’d been sitting out there for over an hour, but the breeze and her surroundings kept her glued to her seat. She closed her eyes and just breathed in the clean fresh air.

She watched as a few boats went under the bridge and on to their destinations. The crickets were chirping, and she’d even heard a bullfrog. Off in the distance she heard a fish jump out of the water with a big splash. Wishing her dad were next to her with his fishing pole, she smiled and continued with her nearly complete drawing.

She heard another splash, this time closer. Erin looked to her right to see if she could see the fish. She focused around the boathouse, the direction from which she’d heard the splashing. She was right about the direction of the sound, though it wasn’t a fish. It was a very loud and a very naked woman running through the water. As she watched, the first woman was joined by another. Oh, my, they’re skinny-dipping. She smiled, a little flushed, and tried not to watch. The smile soon left her face when she heard Jackson’s voice. Her head shot up, stomach in knots, and it didn’t take her long to figure out whom she was with. She ducked beside the chair next to her, trying not to be seen.

She watched as Jackson and Molly frolicked happily through the lake. I can’t believe they’re naked! She watched Jackson dive under the water. Molly was closer to the dock, but her back was turned. Jackson popped up in front of Molly with a playful “Boo! ” She heard Molly scream and saw her begin to splash Jackson. As the next action played out, her mind rolled it in slow motion. Jackson grabbed Molly’s splashing hand and placed it behind her neck and brought Molly’s mouth to hers in a passionate kiss. Not believing her eyes, Erin rubbed them with curled fists. Blinking rapidly, she couldn’t mistake the sounds of desire coming from the two naked girls. A wave of emotion struck her, confusion.

Jack’s a… a lesbian? Like Jackie?

Erin didn’t know what to think. Some of the pieces of Jack’s omissions were starting to fall into place. Anger at the lack of truth from her best friend was resonating through her. Why didn’t she tell me? I’m her best friend. We’re supposed to tell each other everything!

She watched as Jackson took possession of Molly’s mouth, cradling her face with her hands, bringing her impossibly closer. A shot of arousal flared through her body along with a jolt of jealous anger. She debated whether to leave while they were locked in their kiss, or just wait it out.

Patience won out as she tried not to watch the scene unfold. Jackson pulled away from Molly and motioned to the boathouse. With a nod, Molly followed Jackson. As they were headed to the boathouse, Erin decided to also take her leave. When she got up off the pier floor, her foot knocked into the chair, creating a slight scuffing sound. She quickly collected her things and, as quietly as she could, ran off the pier.

Hearing the scuff of the chair against the dock, Molly turned and watched Erin fleeing the pier. She smiled victoriously, knowing that Erin must have seen an eyeful.

Jackson was feeling no pain. Things were starting to blur a little, but that was fine with her. The more she wasn’t reminded of things, the better. Sharing wet, passionate kisses with Molly had driven all rational thought from her mind. She just wanted to feel the glorious oblivion that came with orgasm.

The two naked women collected their discarded clothing and retreated to the loft. Jackson laid down the blanket and Molly was soon sprawled across it. Jackson instantly laid her naked body on top and positioned one of Molly’s legs between her own. Groaning at the contact, Jackson began to grind against Molly’s thigh. She looked down at the body that was giving her pleasure. Molly’s eyes were shut as she pressed her body against Jackson’s. Jackson closed her eyes and moved back and forth against Molly. When she opened her eyes, she didn’t see Molly, only Erin. Her addled mind was in overdrive. Erin was giving her this pleasure; Erin was receiving the same from her. Her movements became quicker, stronger. Jackson could feel the beginnings of her orgasm. Putting her elbows on either side of Molly’s head she began to thrust in earnest.

“God, you feel good. ” She thrust again and again until she felt the warmth begin to spread through her body. “Oh, Hawk, yes, yes…” Jackson’s hips moved at a blinding speed as her climax washed over her. As her body slowed, she tried to calm her racing heart. She lifted her head to look into baby blue eyes, only to find angry brown ones staring back at her. Trying to catch her breath, Jackson rasped, “What’s wrong? ”

“Get off, ” Molly spat, pushing Jackson’s limp body off of hers.

“Molly, honey, what’s wrong? ”

“Oh, now you remember my name? ” Molly stood and started to put her clothing on.

“What are you talking about? ” Jackson demanded, sitting up.

“What I’m talking about is that I don’t appreciate hearing your little friend’s name coming out of your mouth when I’m the one having sex with you! ”

Jackson frantically tried to remember saying Erin’s name, but had no idea if she had or hadn’t. She didn’t know what to say. “I—”

“You’re a piece of work, Jackson Thomas, ” she said angrily, putting on the rest of her clothes.

“Molly, I’m sorry! ” she blurted. “I had no idea. ”

Exasperated, Molly ran her fingers through her hair. “That’s your problem, Jack, you are just clueless! It’s so obvious that you’re in love with her. Even I could see it, and I’ve only been around you two for a day! ”

“I…” she began. I am in love with her. Aw, crap. Jack’s head slumped in realization.

“Go to hell, Jack. ” Molly stormed down the ladder, leaving her erstwhile lover alone to stew in her drunken nakedness.

Lying back on the blanket, Jackson threw her arm over her eyes, grumbling a litany of curses to the wind.

Back inside her room, Erin let the tears fall. Her cheeks were soaking wet by the time she landed on her bed. The image of a naked Jackson kissing Molly was haunting her. She couldn’t understand why Jackson hadn’t told her about that aspect of her life. She flipped onto her stomach and the sobbing continued into her pillow. She lied to me.

That thought made her question almost every facet of their relationship. They had been friends since 1985, but even though Erin had shared every miniscule thing of her life with Jackson, Jackson hadn’t done the same. Was she writing me letters because she felt she had to? Does she hang out with me because she thinks she has to? Am I no more than just a guest to her? Even Jackie introduced me to Sandra as Jackson’s favorite guest and not her friend. But Jack told me I was her best friend. God, I really am just the kid Molly said I was.

The thought of Molly and Jackson making fun of her made her stomach ache. She remembered Jackson telling her that she hung out with Molly all summer, which was why she hadn’t written.

Bull. She just didn’t want to tell me that she and Molly were girlfriends. Jack even changed her eye color because Molly didn’t like her eyes! Yuck. What does she even see in Molly?

Erin’s mind was racing over every detail of the day. Jackson always seemed to make her question her decisions, just like a little kid. She’d asked if she was sure she wanted to water ski, she’d said she didn’t have to drink if she didn’t want to. In the same breath, Jackson had defended her whenever Molly was rude to her. God, what do I think? Okay, Jack is a lesbian. I think I could be okay with that. She and Molly are obviously girlfriends. Uggh, damn it, Jack, why didn’t you just tell me?

Deciding she needed an outlet for her feelings, she took out her sketchbook and began to draw in earnest. Objects and figures matching the imagery in her head began to take shape on the page. Time ticked on and after some intense drawing and shading, Erin’s picture was finished. She stared at her creation and marveled at its accuracy. With a final scribble at the bottom, she rolled up the drawing and fished in her pack for a rubber band to secure it.

With a glance at the clock, she was surprised how far into the early morning it was. Sleep did not come to her at all. The sun would be out in an hour, so she would wait to watch the sun come up and pray this day would go better than the day before. The niggling question was how was she going to handle seeing Jackson again after last night? Jackson had no idea that Erin saw her with Molly. Erin wondered if she could possibly pretend that nothing had happened, that everything was great and normal. She wasn’t confident she could pull it off, but she had over three weeks left at Island City, so she had to make the best of the time.

Erin lay in bed until the daylight began to lighten her room. She got up and quietly left the cabin to watch the sunrise from the dock. The colors that came were incredible. She watched as life began its new day around her. It filled her with awe. The awe expanded when she saw a hawk circle in the sky above her. A sad smile formed on her lips. She wished she could see this every day, but sadly, after last night, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to be there any longer.

Sitting on the pier, she heard some cars pulling into the pebbled drive of the resort. She turned in her seat and saw two cars pull up and watched as a man got out and walked toward her cabin. Her mother answered the door and spoke with the gentleman briefly before shaking his hand. He gave her some papers then left in the second automobile.

Erin walked back to the waterfront cabin and stepped inside. She glanced with confusion at her mother’s bags, packed and sitting by the door. “Mom, what’s going on? ”

Surprised by her daughter’s arrival, she equivocated. “Where did you come from? ” Her voice took on an edge. “You haven’t been out all night, have you? ”

Rolling her eyes, Erin answered, “No, Mom. I couldn’t sleep and I watched the sunrise from the pier. I got in hours ago. I was awake from my big nap yesterday so I spent the time drawing. ” She gestured at the assembled luggage and repeated, “So, what’s going on? ”

“I’m leaving. ”

Eyes wide, Erin responded, “Why? Where’s Dad? ”

“He’s still in bed. ” She had hoped to be gone before either Erin or her husband was up, so she had to improvise her explanation. “Your father and I had a strong discussion about some things yesterday. I wanted us to leave after the accident. I don’t think this place is the best for us anymore. Your father didn’t want to leave since he enjoys fishing up here so much, and I knew not to ask you since I know all too well how you feel about this place. Your father will bring you home. ” She paused. “I rented a car from a man who runs a dealership in town; that’s who that man was. I’m driving home today. ”

God, could this be so easy? “Well, honestly, Mom, I’m not feeling that great, with the accident and all, ” she lied. “It…it wouldn’t be a bad thing for me to go back with you, would it? I mean, I can stay if you want, um…”

Katie’s eyes lit up like a brush fire across a mountaintop. She didn’t believe what she was hearing, so she confirmed it. “You want to leave? I thought you loved it here. ”

Head down, Erin responded, “I do…but, um…yesterday was a really bad day, Mom. I don’t know if I want to be here right now. ” That was a half-truth, but she knew her mother would be over the moon with her decision.

“Well, let’s get you packed and we can be out of here before traffic starts to be an issue. ” It wasn’t even seven o’clock yet.

Erin quickly got her things together. She wrote a brief letter to her dad explaining she wasn’t feeling well and opted to go home with her mother. She wished him well and signed off. She laid it on top of the moonlight picture she had drawn on the pier the night before.

They packed the car and were just about to leave when Erin remembered her rolled drawing from last night. Looking to her mother, she asked, “Mom, I drew something for Jack, but I don’t want to wake her to say goodbye. I’m just gonna run to the boathouse and leave it for her there. I know she’ll get it. Okay? ”

Ecstatic that her daughter was going to leave with her, at that moment she would’ve let her do anything. “Just hurry up, if we leave now we can be home by early afternoon. ”

“Thanks, Mom. ” Erin reached into her backpack and pulled out the rolled up drawing to take to Jack. Running to the boathouse, her heart was hammering. After last night, this place made her feel a little queasy. It could’ve been from her lack of sleep, but she wasn’t too sure. She climbed up the ladder and saw the blanket laid out, empty beer bottles littered around. Not wanting to imagine any more than she already had, she laid the drawing on top of the blanket. With one final look through the window at the water, she descended the ladder and hurried to meet her mother.

Exhaustion hit her as soon as she took a seat inside the rental car. Her mother pulled out of the drive and made their way to the highway, heading for home. With the motion of the car, Erin felt her eyelids close. “Mom, I’m sorry, but I think I’m gonna pass out. I didn’t sleep last night. ”

Smiling and giving her a brief glance, Katie touched her daughter’s knee. “Go ahead and rest, honey. We’ve got six hours ahead of us; you may as well sleep through as much of it as you can. ”

Not wanting to really spend the time talking to her mother anyway, she agreed wholeheartedly. “Thanks, ” she said softly, fading into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Joe woke up to silence. Getting out of bed, he made his way into an empty family room. Opening Erin’s door, he saw that her bed was made and her ever-present backpack missing. She must have gone out to draw.

He went to the bathroom to clean up and start his day. In the kitchen he found that Katie had left some bagels and cream cheese for him in the refrigerator. She must have gone into town. He grabbed the carton of orange juice and sneaked several sips out of the container then put it back on the shelf.

Grabbing the bagels and spread, he took them to the kitchen table where he found a drawing Erin had made of a large moon on the water. There was a note attached. He smiled softly until he read the note.

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry you and Mom had a fight. She didn’t tell me what it was about. She just said she wanted to leave. She rented a car this morning and after my scare yesterday, I really didn’t want to stay here either. I’m not feeling too great, so I think it will be best if I go back home. Mom said it was okay, so I decided to leave with her.

Have fun with your fishing buddies, I hope you catch “the big one. ” I’ll call you when I get home. See you in a few weeks.

I love you,

Peanut

PS - Please tell Jack I left something for her in the boathouse.

“Damn you, Katie. ” Joe crumpled up his daughter’s note and stalked into his room to get dressed.

Jackson awoke to pounding. She soon realized the pounding was inside her skull. Opening her eyes cautiously, she immediately slammed her lids shut against the brightness of the morning sun. As she slowly returned to full consciousness, the memories of the previous day hit her like a Mack truck: the almost drowning, the confrontation with Erin’s mom, the drunken skinny-dipping with Molly. Then she visualized the sexual act that had brought on Molly’s anger and quick departure.

“Uggh, ” she moaned aloud, thinking of the situation with Molly.

She remembered what Molly had said right before telling her to go to hell and storming out. It’s so obvious that you’re in love with her. Even I could see it and I’ve only been around you two for a day!

“Oh, God, ” she grunted, throwing both arms over her head. “Hawk, ” she whispered. “How do I tell you that I’m in love with you? ”

Jackson slowly got up, showered, muttered some indecipherable words to Jackie and left her house in search of Erin. She walked down to the pier hoping she would be there drawing or something. Not finding her, she thought she’d take the chance she’d be in the cabin. Walking up to the door, she braced herself for another confrontation with Katie Hawkins.

“Here goes…” she whispered, and then knocked lightly on the cabin door.

After a few moments, Joe answered. Smiling brightly, he said, “Hey, Jackson. Good morning to you. ”

“Good morning to you, too, sir. ”

Joe stopped her with his hand. “Jackson, how many times do I need to tell you: call me Joe. I appreciate the ‘sir’ and everything, but I’m just Joe, okay? ”

His smile was so much like Erin’s, her heart melted. “All right, Joe. Please call me Jack, then. I insist. ” She chuckled along with him.

“Fair enough. ”

“I was wondering if Erin was here. I didn’t see her on the docks this morning. ”

His face fell. “She must not have told you. ”

“Told me? Told me what? ” Jackson’s heart started to pound.

“She and her mother rented a car and drove home today. The boating scare really shook her up. She and her mother left before the birds got up. ”

“Oh, I see, ” she barely got out, her stomach in knots. Not knowing what else to say, she started to leave. “Okay, um, I’ll see you around then. ”

“Hey, Jack? ” he said, making her turn around. “I almost forgot to tell you, Erin said she left you something in the boathouse. ”

Her eyes lit up instantly. “She did? ”

“I have no idea what it is, but she said it was up there for you. ”

Smiling a little wider, Jackson replied, “Thanks, Joe. See ya ’round. ”

“‘Bye. ”

Jackson ran to the boathouse. She could smell the stale beer from the ground floor and it made her stomach churn. She quickly climbed the stairs and jumped into the loft. Looking past the scattered beer bottles, she spotted a rolled up sketchbook page resting on the blanket.

She reached down and picked it up with shaky fingers, slowly rolling down the rubber band. When she unrolled the page, her heart sank. It was a vivid picture of Jackson holding Molly’s face in a passionate kiss. There was no mistaking who these two people were. Tears welling in her eyes, she scanned down to the bottom of the drawing to the single word in bold.

WHY?

That one word asked a million questions Jackson was nowhere near ready to answer. Her heart was pounding so fast she thought she was going to have a heart attack. She had tried to keep this a secret, only to have her best friend catch her in the act. Anger at herself for not simply telling Erin about her newfound sexuality, bubbled to the surface. Anger at Molly’s games when Erin was around flamed through her.

Jackson was filled with so much anger she opened her mouth and screamed hoarsely, “Fuck! ” The birds in the surrounding trees scattered at the sound. With wracking sobs, Jackson crumpled onto the blanket and cried until exhaustion took her to sleep.

When Jackson woke, it was mid-afternoon. Her eyes were swollen from crying and her head felt heavy. The emotional turmoil around her was deafening. She wanted to run away from it all, find a place where it didn’t hurt so much. God, I’m so sorry, Hawk. So, so sorry.

Completely on autopilot, she climbed down from the loft and into the boathouse. Jackson’s brain was so muddled she had no idea what she was doing. She aimlessly found her house and entered.

Seeing the lost and damaged look in her niece’s eyes, Jackie immediately went to her. “Honey, what is it? You look like… I don’t know what you look like, but it’s not good. What happened? ”

Jackson met the blue eyes of her aunt and instantly fell into her arms. “She’s gone… it’s my fault… now she’s gone…” Her weeping came in huge wracking sobs.

Not understanding, Jackie held her niece tightly until she could figure out what she was talking about. Jackie moved them over to the couch so Jackson could lay her head in her lap. Sandra poked her head in from the kitchen to find out what was going on. Jackie shook her head and with her eyes said, I don’t know yet. Ask me later.

Jackie continued to rock Jackson on the couch as she cried out her heart’s pain. Jackie repeatedly thanked everything holy that she didn’t have to be a teenager again. There was just way too much that went on for them to handle things gracefully—new responsibility, major peer pressure, hormones raging… Throw in discovering one was a lesbian and it was a nice breakdown sandwich.

The sobs finally began to slow into whimpers, which eventually stopped altogether. Jackson’s breathing slowed and her heart returned to a normal cadence. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to tell Jackie. Though, she figured wryly, collapsing on her aunt’s lap might warrant a brief explanation. She held Jackie’s knee as her head rested on her thigh.

Jackie let her stay on her lap, knowing whatever happened must have been bad to stir this kind of emotion in Jackson.

“Is being gay always this hard, Jackie? ” she whispered.

“What do you mean, honey? ” Jackie asked gently.

“When people find out, do they always leave you? ” Her body began to shake and the whimpering cries began again.

“Oh, Jack, no, not always. Sometimes, but not always. ” She ran her fingers through Jackson’s sweat-dampened hair, trying to soothe her niece’s distress. “Is that what happened? Does Erin know you’re gay? ” A small nod of her head answered the question. She tilted her head back and leaned it against the couch cushion, breathing out a slow breath. Damn.

“She left today, went home. ”

Head moving upright, Jackie was confused. “What do you mean she left? I saw Joe down on the docks today. ”

Jackson shrugged. “Joe stayed here, but Hawk left with her mom and they went home. ” She sighed and slowly sat up with her aunt’s assistance. She hung her head and put her face in her hands. Scrubbing her face, Jackson took a deep breath while her aunt rubbed her back. “I really gotta figure some stuff out. ” She leaned back and gave her aunt a kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for listening. ”

Jackson got up and walked slowly to her room, closing the door behind her. Sandra heard her leave and entered the living room. “What’s going on? ” she whispered.

“Erin found out about Jack. Evidently something happened, I have no idea what, but Erin left with her mother today. ”

Sandra’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Really? ” She shook her head. “I thought she’d be okay with Jack being gay, I really did. She seemed the type of friend to stay with Jack no matter what. ”

“I agree. I think there’s more to it than that. I’m sure little Miss Molly had something to do with it. ”

“Bitch, ” Sandra whispered. “What does Jack see in her? ”

Shrugging her shoulders, Jackie said, “You know how it is when you’re that age. You find that one other person who’s just like you and somehow you connect. I don’t see them lasting long. ” She winked at Sandra. “At least I hope not. ”

“Amen, sister. ” She kissed her temple. “You’re such a good mom to her, you know that? ”

Jackie smiled warmly. “Thank you, that’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. I know my sister would’ve loved to seen her little girl grow up. I don’t know how she would’ve dealt with the gay thing, but who knows. I’m just glad I’m here for Jack. I love her like she was my own. ”

“And it shows. ” The two women shared another small kiss. “It really does. ”

Jackson went to her bed and laid down, hands behind her head in deep thought. Okay, I have to figure out a way to make this right. I owe Hawk an explanation. She wouldn’t even stay long enough to say goodbye. I can’t really blame her, though.

“I know! ” she sat up. “I’ll call her and tell her…” She blew out an exasperated breath. “What could I possibly say to her to make this all better? ” She lay back down with a thud. Oh, I know. ‘Hi, Hawk, it’s your lesbo friend, Jack. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I like chicks but I do, and you’re at the top of my list…’ Yeah, that’ll work. Not! Rolling her eyes at her own idiocy, Jackson cleared her mind to concentrate.

When nothing came to her, she got up, grabbed her oboe case, and went to the boathouse. Maybe playing some music will help. Climbing up the ladder, she stopped in the loft and looked around at the mess. Shaking her head, she went up the second ladder only to find more bottles up there. “Jesus! ”

She picked up all the garbage and put it in what was left of the cardboard box the beer came in. Taking it down the stairs, she walked to the big dumpster and trashed the beer carton. She climbed back to the loft and reached for her oboe, but stopped, trying hard not to look at Erin’s drawing of Molly and herself. Feeling anger swell in her belly, she picked up the drawing and ripped it into shreds. Taking the torn paper and stuffing it in her shorts pocket, she grabbed her oboe and went to the roof.

She assembled her instrument, hung her legs over the side, and began to play. The tune started out slow and sad, like her mood. She began to think about Erin and all they’d shared since they’d become friends. Before she knew it, she was playing the song she’d written for her, ‘Hawks in Flight. ’ Eyes closed, the melody washed over her like a warm blanket. Serenity almost followed. Almost.

Her thoughts began to swirl in earnest and built in intensity. She was imagining her life without Erin in it and she couldn’t do it. Erin was such a large part of her life she knew she had to figure out a way to apologize and hopefully get Erin to trust her again. That would be the hardest part. Once trust was lost, it was nearly impossible to gain it back. She would just have to show Erin how far she was willing to go to get her back in her life.

“That’s it. ” She stopped playing. “I’ll show her how much she means to me. I don’t care what her mother thinks. She’s my best friend and I’m going to get her back. ”

Jackson’s mind was plotting her next move. She knew her plan was extreme, but she was desperate. Jackie was going to be less than pleased with her once she realized what she was doing, but Jackson knew she had to do something drastic. She grabbed her wallet and shoved it into her pants pocket. She finished her note to Jackie and quietly walked to the kitchen table, then left it for her to read in the morning. Taking the keys off the coffee table, Jackson tucked her directions from the motor club into her pocket and left the house as quiet as a mouse.

Walking to her car, she realized Jackie was going to have a fit and would probably take her car away. At this point, she didn’t care. She would find Erin, tell her everything, and hope she would understand. Inside the small gray Honda, Jackson closed her door and put on her seatbelt. Looking at her gas gauge, she knew she’d have to stop to fuel up before making serious mileage into Illinois. She turned over the engine, put the car into reverse, backed up slowly, turned the wheel toward the exit, found first gear, and left the resort.

Once she reached the small two-lane highway, she put in an Indigo Girls CD and sped down to the local Amoco. She filled up the tank, grabbed a couple of sodas for the road, and she was off. She drove down Highway 51 at eighty-seven miles an hour, hoping to God she wouldn’t get a speeding ticket. Changing the CD to Melissa Etheridge, she laughed at the absurdity of music listened to by a newly identified lesbian. Could I get any more stereotypical? Laughing to herself, she belted out the songs as they played through her speakers.

She’d downed her first soda shortly into her third hour on the road and knew she’d have to stop to relieve herself before too long. Knowing she should be dead on her feet at four in the morning, she was strangely wide-awake. She let the music keep her going as she changed lanes on the highway. She’d been on I-90 for over a hundred miles and knew she’d be at Erin’s within the hour.

As she got closer to Erin’s house, she accepted the realization that she hadn’t thought about how to get past Katie Hawkins to talk to Erin once she arrived. I’ll just have to get creative. I’m not turning back now. God, I hope this wasn’t a mistake.

Paldeer, Illinois – 5: 02 a. m.

“One ninety-eight…two hundred…two twelve…two thirty-six…two fifty-two! There you are, ” Jackson spoke to herself, finding Erin’s pale yellow ranch house. Pulling the car up to the curb of the house beside Erin’s, she released her brake, put the car in gear, and turned off the engine. She looked slowly around the nice neighborhood. It was extremely quiet and the sun had yet to make an entrance into the day. She grabbed her keys and quietly opened and closed the car door. Walking around to the side of Erin’s house, she was grateful for the bright moon. Full last night, but its rays continued to light her way.

Jackson walked around the house, looking in every window to find Erin’s bedroom. A sharp noise to her right made her flip around to face a man hauling his garbage to the curb.

He noticed her walking around the Hawkins’ home and, deciding she wasn’t going to be much of a threat, approached. “Hey! What are you doing out here? ” he asked loudly.

Heart racing, Jackson was trying to think of a reason she’d be snooping outside Erin’s house at five in the morning.

“Hi, I’m sorry to scare you, ” she whispered. “I’m a good friend of Erin’s, you know, next door? ”

“Okay, ” he said, still wary.

“I live in Wisconsin and I don’t get to see her much, but, um… her birthday is today and I wanted to surprise her by taking her out to breakfast. ” Way to go, Jack!

“Oh! ” The man smiled. “That’s very kind of you. You wouldn’t be Jack, would you? ”

Her eyes widened with fear. Perhaps Katie Hawkins had put out a neighborhood watch on her. Cautious, she replied, “Yes, I am. ”

“Oh, little Erin talks about you all the time! All we ever hear about is her friend Jack who lives in an island city or something. ”

Jackson smiled with relief. “The Island City is our resort. My aunt and I live there. ”

“Well, I think it’s great you’ve come to surprise her. ” He pointed to the house. “But you’re looking at the wrong end for her room. That’s her mother’s room on this side. Erin’s room faces the rear of the house in the basement. Here, I’ll show you. ” He started to usher Jackson to his backyard.

Could this be so easy? Unless this joker is going to kill me with no witnesses around. She tightened the grip on her keys, just in case the latter was true.

“Just be quiet. God knows you don’t want to wake Katie up. ”

Well, well, well, Katie has quite a reputation, doesn’t she? Smiling to herself, she followed the neighbor to his yard. Directing her through the shrubs, he pointed to a large double window in the basement. A small light was shining through the glass.

“I see it. Thank you…? ”

“Richard. Richard Henderson. My boy Ricky is friends with Erin. ” A light bulb went off in her head and a memory flashed before her eyes.

I told my neighbor Ricky that I was going there for vacation again and he called you a cheesehead.

“Ricky? ”

“Yep. Has Erin mentioned him to you? ” He had hopes that one day Erin would date his son.

“Once in a letter. Apparently he called me a cheesehead. ” She smiled. “Tell him that the cheesehead said hello. ”

He shook his head and chuckled with Jackson. “I will. Have fun, and wish Erin a happy birthday for us. ”

“Will do. ” When it’s her birthday, I’ll mention I saw you.

Jackson walked stealthily toward Erin’s window. Crouching down, she looked inside and on her bedside table, saw a small reading lamp on. Erin’s full-sized bed was in the center of the back wall and she was sleeping in the middle of it, a book lying next to her. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock. “Here goes…” With a light tap on the glass, she saw Erin stir but not wake. Tapping a little louder, she roused Erin from sleep.

A sleepy head rose off the pillow and slowly looked around. Looking at the window, she had to stop herself from screaming at the silhouette she saw there.

When Jackson saw Erin look her way, she immediately began to wave to try and dispel her fear.

As Erin’s vision cleared, she wondered if she was dreaming or if Jackson was really outside her window. Getting up out of bed, she walked slowly toward the apparition. Turning on a light, her suspicions were confirmed; it was her friend on the other side of the glass.

Sliding open the window, she breathed in the fresh air coming through the screen. “Jack, what are you doing here? ” she whispered, not sure which emotion she was feeling. Confusion, joy, anger, surprise, she just wasn’t sure.

“I had to see you, ” Jackson whispered. “I couldn’t leave things like that between us without talking to you. ”

“You can’t come in here! My mother will kill you! I’m not kidding, Jack, I don’t know what her deal is with you, but it won’t be a good thing if she finds you here. ” Erin desperately tried to explain the severity of her mother’s ire.

“Then don’t let her find me. Come on, Hawk, I need to try to explain. I know you’re hurt and angry, but I have to try. ” She stared into blue eyes and hoped she was right about her trip. “Please? ”

Erin looked into the pleading eyes that made her heart hammer and knew she was lost. She pressed the latch on her screen and slid it open. She helped Jackson through the small opening and guided her feet to the floor. Closing the window, Erin turned to find a nervous, fidgety Jackson. Unbelievable.

“Can I um…use your bathroom first? I’ve had to pee for over two hours. I just didn’t want to stop. ”

Still in shock, Erin nodded dumbly and pointed to the door connecting her room to the bath.

Erin sat on her bed as Jackson went to relieve herself. She unconsciously started to smooth down her sleep-tousled hair, and to her horror, knew she must have awful morning mouth. Quickly reaching into the drawer of her bedside table, she grabbed a container of breath mints and threw a couple in her mouth for good measure. Hearing the toilet flush, she knew Jackson would be emerging soon. Oh, God…

Oh, God… Jackson looked at her disheveled appearance in the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she realized her breath was less than stellar. Seeing the toothpaste on the vanity counter, she dabbed a small amount on her finger and lightly rubbed it on her teeth and tongue. She rinsed her mouth and spat the paste down the drain. Taking a few swallows of water, she knew this was going to be a very scary conversation and one she hoped would go her way. Grabbing the doorknob with more confidence than she felt, she pulled it open to face Erin.

Sharing a nervous smile between them, Erin motioned for Jackson to sit next to her on the bed. Jackson automatically went to that spot and sat down. Her hands were folded tightly together. She looked over to Erin, who hadn’t looked over at her. She noted her jaw muscles working.

“Before I say anything else, Hawk, I want to apologize for the way you found out about me. It was wrong and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. ”

Erin turned. “Why didn’t you? ” she asked softly.

“I was terrified. I’ve known for so long that I was different from other girls, but only this year did I actually understand what that difference was. God, the girls in my school are so awful. If you don’t have the right shoes with the right skirt with the right shirt and hang with the right people, you are just scum to them. I refuse to be scum for anyone.

“High school is a lot different than grade school. You’re gonna find that out this year. It’s bigger, there’s more kids, and the decisions you make could change your whole life. ” She paused to see that Erin was paying rapt attention. “I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t ready to make decisions about my life this young. It’s really kind of thrown me. My counselors at school all wanted to know where I wanted to go to college, and what I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I wanted to know? ”

“What? ” Erin asked.

“I wanted to understand why I didn’t like boys the way I should and why my heart raced when I saw certain girls. They don’t really have that sort of answer in our curriculum or the advisor’s office. So it was a really hard thing to deal with. ”

“But why didn’t you tell me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends. That means we tell each other everything. I’ve told you every stupid thing I’ve ever done since we met, and I don’t feel like you’ve done the same. ”

Nodding her head, Jackson agreed. “No, I haven’t. I wish I could tell you something other than I wasn’t ready, but that’s the truth of it. I knew, for whatever reason, you and Molly wouldn’t get along. And yeah, Molly probably wasn’t the best person to be with, but she was like me and she liked me, so we just clicked, you know? I had a feeling that if you knew about us, it would be harder to deal with than just knowing about me. ” She paused. “Does that make any sense? ”

“It does and I guess I understand, but Jack, you really hurt my feelings. I had so many thoughts going through my head—that you didn’t really think of me as your friend, but as a guest you felt obligated to play with when I came up there with my parents. You made me feel insecure about our friendship. ”

Shaking her head rapidly, Jackson said, “No, Hawk. I never felt like I was obligated to hang with you. ” She put her hand on Erin’s back, happy when Erin allowed the contact. “I chose to be with you because you are my best friend. I just haven’t acted like it lately and for that I am so damn sorry. You have no reason to doubt what we’ve shared, I promise. ”

Letting Jackson’s admission settle, Erin understood a little more of where she was coming from. She knew it couldn’t have been easy for Jackson to realize she was a lesbian. A question formed in her mind that she voiced aloud. “Does Jackie know? That you’re um…gay? ”

“Yeah. I told her right before my last birthday. She kinda knew already, but I told her not to tell Sandra. She probably already knows too, but I wasn’t ready to tell her yet. ”

Another question formed in Erin’s mind. “Jack? ”

“Hmm? ” She looked into blue eyes and felt her heart speed up.

“How did you know which room was mine? I’ve only lived in the basement a short time. ”

Chuckling softly, she answered, “Mr. Henderson told me. ”

“What? ” she cried loudly then covered her mouth repentantly.

They stopped talking and listened for a while to make sure they hadn’t woken Erin’s mother. When they heard nothing, they resumed their conversation.

“I was outside your house and he busted me. I made up a lie about it being your birthday and wanting to take you to breakfast. He was more than happy to help. ”

Erin smiled. “God, I would’ve peed if I were you. ”

“Trust me, I wasn’t that far off, especially with the full bladder I was carrying. ”

“That was really quick thinking on your part, ” Erin complimented.

A soft blush reached Jackson’s cheeks. “Thanks. ”

When silence enveloped the girls, Erin felt the nervous tension return. “Jack? ”

Jackson turned to her. “Yeah? ”

“What do we do now? I mean, where does all of this leave us? ”

“Well, I hope you can forgive me for lying to you and I pray you can learn to trust me again. ”

Erin looked into her eyes and saw the warm, wonderful girl she’d grown to love very much. “I do forgive you. I was just so angry, and when I found out my mom was leaving, I just jumped ship. ”

“Yeah, what’s up with that? Why did your mom leave? ”

“God, it’s a long story and I don’t even know the half of it. ”

“I was upset that you left, but I understood why. That picture said a thousand words, words I really didn’t want to hear you yell at me. ”

Erin blushed, having forgotten about the drawing. “Oh, um…sorry about that. It was the only way I could tell you how I felt without actually, um…telling you. ”

“It’s okay. I think we both did some things we wish we hadn’t last night. ”

“Yeah, we did. ”

They smiled at each other. Jackson didn’t think that it would be prudent to tell Erin everything she’d done wrong.

“Does Jackie know you came here? ” Erin asked.

“Oh, um…not really. I left her a note. ”

“What is it with us and notes? I left one for my dad before we left, ” Erin said with a chuckle.

“I dunno. Must be that pen pal thing we developed at a young age. ”

Nodding, Erin said, “Must be. ”

“I’m probably going to get in a lot of trouble when I get back, but…you are worth the risk. ”

“Thank you for driving so far to show me that. ”

“You’re welcome. ” Jackson noticed the time on the clock was after six. The sun had come up and the day was beginning.

Erin saw the red rimming around Jackson’s eyes and knew she needed to sleep. “Stand up. ” Jackson did as she was told and Erin pulled the bedcovers down. “Get in. ” Jackson’s eyes went wide with surprise. “You need sleep and I need sleep. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t slept much in the last two days and I’m exhausted. ”

“You read my mind, but what about your mom? ”

Erin walked over to her door and turned the lock on the handle. “This is one of the reasons I wanted to have my room down here. She doesn’t have a key to this door and I’m safely tucked in here away from her. ”

“Won’t she come down to check on you or something? ”

“No. She was so excited I came home, I could ask for gold right now and she’d give it to me. I think she’ll give me some space for a while. ” She looked at Jackson with sincere regret. “I’m so sorry she has it out for you. I just wish I knew why. ”

“Me, too, Hawk. Me, too. ”

Erin shut off both lights, leaving only the coming day’s light to illuminate her room. Both girls climbed into the full-size bed and pulled up the covers. They stared at the ceiling, not really sure what to do. Jackson’s sleepiness was suddenly gone as realization set in that she was in bed with Erin. Erin must have sensed the same thing as she continued to stiffly stare at the ceiling.

“Hawk? ”

“Hmm? ”

“Does it make you uncomfortable? You know, knowing that I’m gay? ”

Erin slowly turned to face her bedmate. She reached out and took Jackson’s closest hand in hers. “No, it doesn’t. I promise you I will never act differently around you just because you’re a lesbian. You’re not just a lesbian to me; that’s only a small part of who you are. You’re just… my Jack, and I love you. ”

My Jack. The words were floating like a fluffy cloud through Jackson’s mind. They warmed and soothed her more than she would have thought possible. “Thank you, Hawk. That means the world to me. ” Tears formed in Jackson’s eyes and she didn’t fight them.

Erin saw them glisten and held tightly to her hand with one hand and brushed the tears away with the other. Erin soon fell asleep on her side, holding Jackson’s hand on her pillow.

When Jackson looked over and saw Erin asleep, she leaned over to kiss their entwined fingers and whispered, “I love you, too, Hawk. More than you’ll ever know. ”

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