Chapter Three

2002 – Chicago

Erin Hughes strode back and forth, the telephone glued to her ear, eyes scanning the ceiling, hand pulling her hair as she paced. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She held the phone away from her head, flipped it off with her middle finger, then squeezed and shook it with both hands. Her face scrunched up while she silently screamed toward the phone. Bringing the receiver back to her ear, the annoying voice continued.

“Jeremy, just stop it! If we have to go over this one more time, I’m going to do something I won’t be responsible for, ” she threatened. “I’ve been through enough, don’t you think? ”

The voice on the other end of the line chimed in, “Look, Erin, I want this more than you do. Just settle, damn it. ”

Grinding her teeth, Erin answered sharply, “Of course you want it more! If you and that…that woman want your freedom, I have a solution. I. Want. My. House. It’s just that simple. I picked it out, I paid for most of it and I furnished it. It’s not my fault you knocked her up. You should’ve kept your pecker in your pants! ” she screamed.

His silence was his response. After a few moments, he spoke softly. “Er…please. We can’t do this anymore. Our marriage wasn’t perfect. You know that. We both made mistakes. I just…”

“You just went to another woman instead of coming to me. ” Though exasperated with the conversation, she continued, “Had you come to me first and told me you weren’t happy, I’d have so much more respect for you right now. But no, you had to cheat first and wait to get caught. If you aren’t willing to give me the one thing I’ve asked for, you can have your lawyer contact mine, and then you’ll have to pay up the ass. ” Erin took a deep breath. “I don’t want you calling me anymore unless you can be reasonable, Jeremy. ”

Erin’s husband seemed to be considering her words, as he took a long time in answering. When she thought he’d hung up, she heard, “Fine. Let’s just do this. ”

“Fine. I’ll call my lawyer. I’ll have mine contact yours so this can be over. ” She sighed, running her fingers through her hair, pulling a few strands behind her ear. “I don’t want to fight anymore. ”

“Sweetheart, I don’t either. ”

“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to be a nice guy anymore. Just promise me that when you get the papers, you’ll sign them. Please, Jeremy? ” She was almost pleading.

“I promise. ”

Wanting to add, just like our vows, you son of a bitch? but not wanting to continue the conversation, Erin just said, “Thank you, I appreciate it. ”

“Take care of yourself, Erin. ”

“I always do. ” With that, she hung up the phone. Sitting on her couch, Erin put her face in her hands and cried at her situation. She was more upset she didn’t even see the affair coming than at the actual dissolution of her marriage.

I know I didn’t love him like I should have. I should have been the one to leave. I was comfortable and it made my folks happy to see me with him, especially Mother. This is my own damn fault. The niggling truths were always in the back of her mind.

Jeremy was a nice man, good-looking, generous, but there had always been something lacking in their relationship. The passion, the flip-flops in her belly, the ache that was supposed to come when she was away from him—she just didn’t feel that way. About him.

Now, at twenty-six-years-old, she would be divorced and, once again, single. Rubbing her eyes with her fists, she sighed and looked around her home. “At least I get to keep you. ”

“Mrrrrow. ” A soft mew came from the study doorway. Erin’s eyes brightened as the small orange tabby walked toward her. She scooped up the cat and held her as she began to purr. “I get to keep you, too, little Grace. ” The rumbling against her chest brought a watery smile to her face. “You’ve always been here for me, haven’t you? ” The cat continued to purr and rub noses with her owner.

Walking out of her study, Erin traversed the hallway, up the stairs and into her studio. There, on the walls, she studied the landscapes and seascapes she had created—some from memory, others from within her mind—absently petting the animal in her arms. They spanned the time from when she was a small girl to her adult self. She was proud of what she’d accomplished in such a short time.

When she was twenty, a friend of hers who knew Kimberly Parks, the owner of an art gallery in town, got her a job there. On a whim, Erin had asked if she could put up some of her own artwork when they were having a slow period. Much to her surprise and delight, her boss agreed, and gave her a small corner of the gallery to display her work. The drawings and paintings sold quickly, with requests for more. One admirer of her work said that Erin “brought a childlike spirit to her outdoor visions that Thomas Kinkade could only dream of doing. ”

Erin clung to those words like a lifeline. It gave her the inspiration to keep going, since her true muse was no longer in her life.

“Jack. ”

It was the merest whisper as she looked at the memories that hung on the walls. Because of Jackson, Erin had kept working on her craft until she had found her niche. One aspect of her work was never made public, nor shared with Jeremy or anyone other than her subject. The Serenity Collection, as she called it, was her private and most heartfelt work. They were black-and-white pencil or charcoal drawings, but they captured more colorful memories than any of her other works.

Maybe one day she’d offer that grouping of collected works for sale, but for now, she had them in her closet, stored in several boxes, away from eyes that weren’t worthy. It had been a few years since she’d even looked at them.

Sometimes curiosity overwhelmed her to the point of picking up the phone. Then words from her memory would come back to haunt her and she’d put the receiver down. “Please don’t call or write to me anymore, Jack. It’ll be too hard. ”

Jackson had respected her request for almost seven years and hadn’t called her. They hadn’t corresponded at all, either. Not even a birthday card. The emptiness she felt without Jackson in her life had led her to Jeremy. He had been at one of her shows and couldn’t stop gushing about her talent. One meeting turned into several, then six months down the road, with her mother’s enthusiastic approval, they were married. At twenty-one, Erin had a husband, a successful career, a beautiful home, and every amenity she could want. The only thing lacking was the joy she used to feel. The smile on her face was for show only; rarely did it reach her eyes. She’d learned to play a part so well that no one ever realized it was just an act.

She slowly slid open the closet door that enclosed her treasures. Putting the little cat down, Erin pushed aside rows of hanging clothes and reached toward the storage cubbyhole that held her boxes. The first one she grabbed contained her most favorite drawings.

As she opened the box, her heart began to hammer in her chest. Wisps of dark-shaded, windblown hair appeared as she slowly pulled out the first drawing. The profile appeared and Erin’s eyes filled with new tears as it was removed completely from the box.

“Oh, Jack. ”

The picture was a profile of Jackson with her eyes closed as she played her recorder. Erin remembered that day so vividly: the blue sky, the calm waters, and the serenity she felt when she was with her best friend. She trailed her fingertip over the image on the canvas, her heart breaking all over again. Putting the drawing down, she slumped against the wall, reached inside her button-down shirt, and rubbed the pigmented skin above her left breast. “I’m so sorry. ”

Erin stayed in that position for almost an hour. Grace crawled into her lap and contentedly fell asleep. Erin’s memories plagued her already tortured soul as she idly stroked the cat’s fur. With Jeremy soon to be out of her life, she would have no one. Well, no one but Kim. … Uggh, the gallery!

“Come on, Gracie. I’ve gotta get this stuff together or Kim will have my hide. ”

Erin got up and started to collect some of her works for an upcoming show. Since Kim had opened the door to opportunity when she’d needed it, Erin continued to use her gallery as her hub. Kim was very grateful to her young proté gé.

In a mutually beneficial relationship, Erin knew that The Parks Gallery had done well with her works; people called from all over asking where they could find more of her paintings. Hence, her upcoming show. Commissions also came all the time and Erin fulfilled what she could. Sometimes the images came clearly and other times she had to turn down requests. If her heart couldn’t see it, the creativity just wouldn’t come.

2002 – The Island City

Jackson Thomas reviewed her lesson plans for the next week and tucked the paperwork inside her brown leather briefcase. Relaxing in her recliner, she closed her eyes and smiled in the knowledge that summer vacation would begin in a few weeks. She could then use that time to catch up on things at the resort that had been niggling her.

It had been five years since she’d gotten her teaching certification. Once she’d figured out what she wanted to do when she grew up, it had been easy. She taught music to gifted middle school children during the school year and helped her Aunt Jackie run the Island City Resort. There was always something to do there. Cabins needed upgrading, boats needed winterizing, the landscape needed tending, but all in all it was a wonderful place to be. All too soon it’ll just be me.

Hearing the small bell ring, Jackson blinked her eyes and hurried to her aunt’s bedroom to see what she needed. The ailing woman was in bed, covers tucked tightly around her and an oxygen mask over her mouth. Jackson put on her happy face.

“Hey, Jackie. What can I get you? ” she asked, running her fingers through the thinning hair of her aunt. “Do you need something to drink? ”

With a small nod, Jackie rasped through the mask, “Yes, please. My throat is dry. ”

Jackson removed the mask, grabbed the glass from the bedside table, and held the straw to parched lips to allow her aunt a few good gulps of water before putting the mask back in place. It broke Jackson’s heart to see her aunt hooked up to so many devices. Machines directed medicine into the frail body through intravenous tubes. Jackie’s hands were bruised from the needles being inserted and removed.

“Thank you, ” Jackie whispered.

As Jackson sat on the bed, there was a light knock on the door. Jackie’s night nurse, Cindy, had arrived for her shift.

“How’s my girl doing today? ” she asked brightly, bringing a smile to the faces of both women.

Jackie gave Cindy an “okay” sign with her bruised hand. A string of harsh coughs erupted from her body. Jackson jumped off the bed so Cindy could raise it to try and ease her patient’s coughing. After a few unbearable moments, the coughing subsided and Jackie was breathing more comfortably.

Cindy and Jackson exchanged a worried look, then returned their gazes to the woman in bed. Jackson gently held Jackie’s hand and started humming to her. The familiar tunes were a comfort to both women. Songs Jackie had taught her niece were ones she and her sister had known when they were kids. Jackson’s fingers idly combed through the hair on her aunt’s head until she drifted off to sleep. Feeling the grip on her hand relax, Jackson knew she’d finally fallen into a deep sleep.

Caring for the woman who’d raised her had been an easy decision for Jackson. She wanted Jackie at home instead of in a hospital, knowing quite well her aunt would not want to make her final departure from this world from any other place. The Island City had been her home almost her entire life. When her parents left the resort to her in their will, Jackie had been more than willing to keep the place going. Jackie had raised her to love and respect nature, and in doing so, she’d learned to love the resort just as much. No one but her would be running the Island City until she found someone to run it with her. Or perhaps, like Willy Wonka, she could find a child, so she too could raise them to respect and love this place as much as she did. Unfortunately, I don’t think osmosis can produce a child for my future. And I certainly don’t wanna start casing my own school.

With Jackie asleep, Cindy ushered Jackson out of the bedroom and closed the door. A worry line etched her face. “The pneumonia has gotten worse really quickly, Jack. I want to be honest with you and not sugarcoat it. ”

Jackson nodded. Knowing where Cindy was headed, she braced herself. “How much time do we have? ”

“Unless a miracle happens, I don’t think she has more than a couple of weeks. ” She hesitated. “If that. ”

The news, as dire as it was, wasn’t surprising to Jackson. Until six months ago, she’d thought her aunt was the picture of health. Then she’d seen Jackie’s physical condition plummet after the chemotherapy treatments. The colorectal cancer she was fighting wasn’t even going to be the disease that killed her. As a side effect of her treatments, Jackie’s immune system had shut down and she developed pneumonia. Now she was as weak as a newborn kitten and Jackson was unable to fix her. Both Cindy and Janet, the day nurse, loved Jackie from day one. They would have done anything for her, but all they could do was pray that the medicines would cure the pneumonia so the rest of her body would have the chance to rebuild its strength.

“So what do we do next? ” Jackson asked.

“Just keep her as comfortable as possible. Janet and I will do our part, as will her doctor. It’s up to her and God now. ”

Jackson didn’t want to debate with Cindy about God. She hadn’t known Him to play fair with the people in her life, but didn’t want to upset anyone else. “I’m heading outside for a bit to make sure our guests have everything they need. When she wakes up, let me know, okay? ”

“Okay, Jack. ” Cindy put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re doing the best you can for her. Never doubt that. ”

“Thanks, Cindy. ”

Jackson left the main cabin with one destination in mind. She climbed the ladder leading to the roof of the boathouse. When she reached the top, she let the tears come. She couldn’t begin to count the number of times she had cried up there. Anytime she was riddled with sadness, she would go up there and unleash it into the wind. She sat with her denim-clad legs hanging over the side. Far below, she could see schools of fish swimming in the water. Closing her eyes, the tears came in earnest.

“I think this is it. I don’t think she can beat this anymore. ” Her tears fell into the water below. “I hate doing this alone! ” she cried.

Jackson had had a few girlfriends through the years, but none held her heart the way Erin had. She had even considered settling on one girl, Marcie, but knew it wouldn’t be fair to herself, or to Marcie. It was the closest Jackson had come to wanting more than just a physical relationship with someone. But when her eyes opened in the mornings and met the brown eyes of her lover, her heart just couldn’t do it. She bade Marcie farewell and had been alone since. That was over a year ago. Once Jackie became ill, she had no time to give to a girlfriend anyway.

She lay back on her side and rested her head in her hand. Unconsciously, her free hand found its way under her V-neck sweater to caress the pigmented skin above her right breast. “Hawk, I miss you so much. ” The thought of Erin brought on a new wave of tears from the broken heart that had never healed. Jackson knew things would be better if Erin were with her.

She remained on the roof of the boathouse for more than an hour. The sun began to set on the water and it always took her breath away to watch. When the last of the color dipped into the horizon, she made her way down the ladder to check on her guests. After making sure everyone had enough linens and shooing the kids out of the fish house, she went back to the main cabin.

Cindy was sitting in a rocking chair in the family room. She smiled when she heard Jackson return. “Hey, did you have a nice walk? ”

“As good as can be expected. ” They shared a sad smile. “Did she wake up? ”

Nodding, Cindy said, “Only for a few minutes then she fell back asleep. She should wake up soon, though. ”

Jackson nodded at the update and sat on the couch. Releasing a long breath, she raked her fingers through her hair. She leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes.

“Jack? ”

Opening them slowly, Jackson looked at Cindy. “Hmm? ”

“Who’s Erin? ” Watching the color drain from Jackson’s face startled her into a near panic. “Jack! Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. ”

Mustering some saliva into her dry mouth, she swallowed before speaking. “How do you know about Erin? ” Barely managing to get the words out, Jackson’s eyes closed again, this time in pain.

“Jackie mentioned her when she woke up. Something about needing you to call her, ” she explained, not understanding what was going on.

Jackson opened her eyes and shot up off the couch. “I can’t! ” Her eyes were wide, like a scared child’s. “Why would Jackie need me to call her? ” She began to pace like a caged animal.

Cindy watched in surprise as the normally stoic woman came apart at the seams.

“She told me not to call her, Jackie knows that! ” She crumbled onto the couch and put her head in her hands, grasping her hair tightly. “I can’t. ” The words were strangled.

The tiny ring of a bell caused both women to hurry to Jackie’s room.

Jackson gave her aunt some water and put the glass on the side table. Jackie, seeing her niece’s red eyes, knew she’d been crying and reached up to touch her hand. The younger woman looked down at beseeching eyes and knelt on the floor.

“What is it, Jackie? Are you in pain? ”

Swallowing excess saliva in her mouth, Jackie looked to Cindy. “Could you leave us for a little? ” She breathed a few times. “I want to talk to Jack. ”

Understanding their need for privacy, Cindy nodded and closed the door as she left.

“Jackson…what’s on your mind? ” She paused. “And don’t tell me nothing or I’ll get out of this bed and knock some sense into you. ”

Chuckling at her aunt’s “threat”, Jackson knew they needed to talk about the Erin situation. “You know I can’t call Erin, Jackie. Why did you tell Cindy to tell me that? ”

Rolling her eyes at the stubbornness of her niece, Jackie said, “I…I’d like to see her. ”

Jackson wasn’t sure what to say to that. “Jackie…I…I don’t know if I can after all this time. It’s been seven years…”

“Seven years you’ll never get back. ”

Understanding reached the mismatched eyes. “I know. ”

“Honey, I’ve watched you live your life since Erin left. ” She paused to catch her breath. “I’ve seen you go through the motions, but not once have I seen the happiness in your eyes that I used to. I know what her mother did to you guys was wrong, but sometimes you have to fight to get the girl. ”

“But…”

“Don’t make the same mistake I did. ”

Jackson didn’t understand her aunt at first, but when she reached into the recesses of her memory, a tall woman with red hair came into view. A woman she had known for only a short time. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks. “Sandra? ”

Jackie nodded slowly. “Don’t let the love of your life walk away from you. If I could go back… and change that error in my judgment…I would do it in a second. I should’ve fought harder. ”

“I always wondered why you broke up. You never told me. ” Jackson’s voice was rough with emotion.

“You were… what, sixteen, and going through so much that summer dealing with your own sexuality. I didn’t think it was right to dump all of that on you. But it was really hard for me. ”

“But…you’ve always seemed so happy. ” She had never realized her aunt was missing someone so precious to her.

Jackie reached up and cupped her niece’s cheek. “My little Jack… Sometimes you’re so naï ve. I was happy because I had you. ” A tear ran down her cheek, but Jackson stopped it before it went into her ear. “I couldn’t have loved you any more… even if I were your real mother. ”

Tears flowed freely down the young woman’s face at the declaration. “You are my real mother. I love you. ”

“I love you too, baby. ”

The two women embraced, as far as the technology around them would allow. Jackson couldn’t remember a time she’d felt so great a loss. She’d not known her grandparents enough to mourn them. Jackie told her stories, though, and a slew of photographs were always at the ready, just in case she needed a refresher course.

Jackie was quite worn out from their exchange. “Honey, I need to rest, I’m beat. ”

“Okay. ” Jackson got up to leave.

“Promise me that you’ll make that call. ”

Jackson contemplated the ramifications of making such a promise.

“Please? Do it for me. ”

For seven heart wrenching years, she hadn’t done it for herself, but Jackie was asking it of her. And Jackie would get anything and everything she wanted, no matter what. “I promise. ”

After letting Cindy know Jackie was asleep, Jackson went into her room and closed the door. Flopping wordlessly onto her bed, she reached into the top drawer of her night table and grabbed her address book. She flipped the pages over until she landed on the tab with the letter “H” on it. Just seeing the name brought on a flurry of emotions she had no earthly idea what to do with. She just hoped, for Jackie’s sake, Erin’s family still lived in the same place.

With shaking hands, she picked up the phone and began to dial. When it started to ring, her heart raced.

“Hello? ” the long-remembered voice answered.

“Mrs. Hawkins? ”

“Yes? ”

She swallowed. “This is Jackson Thomas. ”

“Jackson, how are you, dear? ” Dear? You condescending little… “It’s been a long, long time. ”

Not long enough, lady. “Yes, it has. ” Here goes... “Um…I’m calling to see if you can give me Erin’s contact information. ”

“I see. ”

Jackson didn’t miss the change of tone in Erin’s mother’s voice. “My Aunt Jackie is terminally ill and would really like to see her, ” she explained, trying to stop the narrow-minded and bigoted woman’s thought process.

“Oh. ” Jackson heard the change in Katie’s voice. “I’m so sorry. What’s wrong with her? ”

“She has cancer. The chemo knocked out her immune system and she developed pneumonia. Unfortunately, the doctor doesn’t think she has much time left. ”

“Oh no, that’s terrible. I really liked her. ”

Jackson snarled, knowing exactly how the woman felt about her aunt Jackie. God, you haven’t changed a bit.

“I know Joe, God rest his soul, really enjoyed her company when we vacationed up there. ”

“Oh. ” Jackson’s voice dropped in sympathy. She’d always thought the world of Erin’s dad. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Mr. Hawkins had passed away. ” She felt a true sadness at his loss. Erin probably could’ve used an ear or a shoulder to cry on. She knew their relationship had been very important to Erin. Poor Hawk, I wish she had called me.

“Yes, back in ninety-seven. He had cancer, too. We didn’t know how bad cigarettes were for us when we were younger. They made them sound so good for you. Even though he’d quit a long time before, the damage was still inside him, ” she explained. “The Lord will take good care of him, though. Don’t you worry. ”

“Well, again, I’m very sorry. ” She tried not to sound like she wanted off the call as much as she did. “Would you have Erin’s phone number or address that I could contact her…for Jackie? ” she added for good measure.

“Of course. She and her husband, Jeremy, are still in the city. They’re so happy and doing so well that they’re trying for a grandbaby for me. Let me get my book. I always get her number confused. ”

Her husband…? A grandbaby…? Could this get any worse? I’m gonna throw up. Knowing she had missed something Katie had said, Jackson asked, “I’m sorry? ”

“I said, do you have a pen ready? ”

“Yes, go ahead. ” She clicked her pen and wrote the information in her address book.

After some uncomfortable small talk, Jackson thanked Katie for her help and wished her well. Hanging up the phone, Jackson’s head hit her pillow. She closed her eyes, quickly trying to quash the nausea threatening to overwhelm her.

“She’s married and making babies? ” she whispered to herself. As much as it didn’t surprise her, considering what had happened, it still didn’t sit well.

“Aw, crap, if I don’t do this now, I’m never gonna do it. ” She blew out a huge breath, wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans, and picked up the phone. Heart racing, she dialed the Illinois number and waited to hear that sweet voice again.

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