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Mick shook his head, but she kept talking. “It’s fine. We had each other. We barely noticed you were gone. ”

Mick could see the pain in his stoic daughter’s face—the way her chin quivered, the way her eyes narrowed. He had worn the same face himself as a child, wondering the same thing, coming to the same conclusion.

Mick shook his head again. “You’re misunderstanding me. ”

“I’m not really sure how that’s possible, Dad, ” Hud said. “You seem clear that you never wanted to be our father until now. ”

“It had nothing to do with want! ” Mick said, his voice beginning to rise. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you! I’m trying to tell you that if I could have been a dad, I would have been your dad. I wanted to be a father to you all. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be a father.

“This is something you have to understand about being a parent—some people just aren’t cut out for it. Some people don’t have what it takes. And I didn’t. But I’m here now. And I’m hoping that we can make something of all this. I just … I simply couldn’t before. But now I think I have what it takes. And I want to be a part of your lives now. I want to … get dinners and, I don’t know, spend holidays together or whatever it is that families do. I want that. ”

Suddenly, Nina started cackling. Laughing like a madwoman, like the women they used to burn at the stake.

“Oh my God, ” Nina said, putting her hands in her hair, shaking her head. “I almost fell for it. I forgot your words mean nothing. That you just say whatever you want, but you’re never prepared to do anything meaningful, at all. ”

“Nina …” Mick said. “Please don’t say that. I’m trying to explain to you why I wasn’t capable of being a father until now. ”

Nina shook her head. “If you were any kind of real parent, you would know that capable has nothing to do with it. ”

Mick frowned at her and sighed.

“Do you think Mom felt capable of raising four children on her own? Holding her head up high when the whole world knew you’d left her, twice? Making all of the money, and doing all of the housework, and helping each of us with our homework? Making every single one of our birthdays special despite having no money and no time? Remembering that Jay likes chocolate cake with buttercream and Kit likes coconut cake and Hud likes yellow cake with chocolate frosting? Always having the perfect number of candles?

“Do you think I felt capable of taking it all over after she fucking drowned? Do you think I felt capable of trying to pay all the bills and still scraping up enough money for coconut at the fucking Malibu Mart? Do you think I felt capable of holding each one of these guys as they woke up in the middle of the night remembering that they had essentially been orphaned? Do you think I wanted to drop out of high school so I could do it all? That I wanted to be twenty-five years old without a high school diploma? ”

Mick flinched as he heard this, and when Nina saw the pinched look on his face, it pissed her off.

“I didn’t feel capable of any of that! But did that matter? Of course not. So I’ve gotten up every single day since Mom died—and even a lot of the days before that—and I have done what needed to be done. Capable is a question I never had the luxury of asking. Because my family needed me. And unlike you, I understand how important that is. ”

“Nina—” Mick tried to interject.

“You think I want to be here selling photos of my ass and living on this fucking cliff? No, I don’t. I want to be in Portugal somewhere living in a shack on the beach, riding waves and eating the catch of the day. But I don’t. I stay here. That’s what it means to be a family. Staying. Not just strolling into a party after midnight expecting a hug. ”

“Nina, you’re right. I’m a weak—”

“Must be nice. To be able to be weak. I wouldn’t know. ”

At this, Kit smiled to herself and quickly rested her chin on her hand in order to hide it.

Nina continued. “You have no idea what it takes to stand by anyone. You certainly don’t know what it takes to stand by a child. Mom did that. And when Mom couldn’t, I tried to finish the job. No, scratch that. I didn’t try to finish the job. I did finish the job. Because look at them. They are all talented and smart and good—and, sure, we’re not perfect. But we have integrity. We know something about loyalty. We are there for each other.

“And all of that is because Mom and I did a great job. You … you have done nothing despite how capable you probably could have been if you gave half a shit. But because you weren’t here, we learned how to go on without you. ”

Nina took a moment and closed her eyes. And then she looked back up at her father. “It’s not my place to speak for the rest of us, Dad, so I’ll just say this for me: There’s no room for you in my life anymore. And I don’t owe it to you to make any space. ”

When Nina stopped speaking, she dried the tears off her cheeks with her hands and then wiped her hands on her sweatpants. She caught her breath and settled her chest. As she stood there, she felt a peace take over, as if by speaking her anger, she had freed it from where it had been living in her body. It was as if her tendons were loosening, leaving behind a new softness within her in places that had long ago hardened.

Mick watched his daughter’s face begin to calm. And he wanted so badly to move to her and hold her, to hug her, like he had when she was six years old, when they were just a few miles down this very beach running with that kite. But he knew better than to make a single step toward her.

“Do you all feel this way? ” Mick asked the rest of his children.

Nina looked away from her father, toward the ocean, and wiped her eyes again.

Kit looked at the sand as she nodded. Hud, bruised inside and out, looked at his father. “I think it’s just …”

“It’s too late, Dad, ” Jay said.

It hurt Jay to say it. He felt bad for his father. He felt bad for his siblings. But more than anything, it made Jay so sad to be offered a father now when he had needed one so badly before. The man in front of him had never been the man he’d yearned for. The man he’d yearned for had never existed. And that was a pain unto itself.

Mick pursed his lips and nodded, absorbing it all. He looked at his children. His firstborn, who had raised her siblings and gone on to make a career for herself. His older son, who was now renowned in a field beyond Mick’s own grasp. His third born, who had found a way to succeed in this world despite his rocky beginning. His fourth born, who appeared to have inherited the things he liked about himself the most without any contact with him at all. And even this young girl, the one who may or may not be his, who appeared to have faced so much of what he, himself, had faced at her age, but with so much more grace than he ever had.

“OK, ” Mick said. “I get it. ”

He needed his children now that he was alone. Now that he was afraid he wasn’t going to matter very soon. Now that he had a house that echoed.

But they didn’t need him.

“I never meant for you to grow up feeling alone, feeling … like you had no one to rely on, ” he said, momentarily covering his eyes with the pads of his fingers. “I can’t imagine you’d believe me but I swear that was the very last thing I wanted. ”

At this, Mick’s voice started to crack. “My dad stepped out on my mom a lot, ” he said. “He left for long stretches of time. And my mom … she would forget about me for days. They both would. ”

Nina looked away from her father and watched a family of dolphins swim past them all, diving in and out of the water in tandem. She loved how they always moved in a pack, in one direction. They never cared what was happening on the shore, they just kept going. Dolphins had been swimming along the shore in Malibu well before she was born and they would be swimming along the shore here in Malibu well after she left, and she took comfort in that.

“Then they both died when I was your age, Casey, ” Mick said. “At the same time. Just like … Just like you. Just like you all, really. My mother … She got mad at my father one afternoon shortly after he took up with a waitress at the deli. She set the linens on fire. I wasn’t there. So I don’t know exactly what happened. But I’ve always thought it was probably just to upset my old man. But then … then it grew out of control too quickly.

“I was eighteen. I came home from school and our apartment was gone, burned to the stilts. They were both dead. ”

Mick looked up at the sky, then back at his children. “In an instant, I was on my own. I didn’t graduate high school either, ” he said, looking at Nina.

Nina looked her father in the eye and her face tightened. She felt for him. But it made her even more angry, that he had allowed her to lose what he himself had lost. He had—all along—known the cost of it and had done nothing to stop it from happening to her, too.

“I don’t think I ever really knew how it felt to be loved until I met your mother. I was born to people who never cared, people who couldn’t even be bothered to not set the house on fire.

“Anyway, I’m whining about it like I’ve got some sob story. That’s not my point. My point is that … I know how it feels to wonder. If anyone loves you, if you matter at all. And I should never have done that to you. I set out to make sure you never felt that way, ” he said, a lump forming in his throat. “But … I don’t know … somehow it still happened.

“When I found out your mother died, I just wanted it to go away. I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to still imagine her with you. I did not want to face that I had failed you and that the world had taken the only good parent you had. So I just … ignored it. I pretended it wasn’t true. And then I got the notice that you’d filed for guardianship, and I … I felt like the decision had been made for me. ”

“You never even acknowledged it, ” Nina said.

“Every day I didn’t call just made it that much more shameful I hadn’t called. But … that was about me. Not about you. And what I’m getting at here is that I used to think the way my parents treated me was because I wasn’t worth loving or I wasn’t … good enough. But …” Mick closed his eyes and shook his head. “What I did—the way I failed you, I guess—it wasn’t because you didn’t deserve to be taken care of. It was because of me. My parents weren’t ever able to tell me that, and so I’ve never been sure. But I’m here right now and I can make sure you know: You deserved better. You deserved the world. ”

Mick’s eyes welled up and he looked each of them in the eye, even Casey. “Every minute of your lives you were loved, ” he said as his chin started to quake. He put his hands together in a prayer motion and put them to his chest and said, “If I exist on this earth, someone loves you. I’m just … I’m a very selfish man but I promise you all—I love you. I love you so much. ”

The sky was just beginning to lighten. Nina was so tired.

“I think the problem, Dad, ” she said, with an unexpected warmth in her voice, “is that your love doesn’t mean very much. ”

Mick closed his eyes. And he nodded. And he said, “I know, honey. I know. And I’m sorry. ”

Sergeant Purdy put handcuffs on Tarine as she screamed at him.

“Are you kidding me? ” she shouted.

“You accosted a police officer, ” he said, and then he pulled her hands behind her back. The movement turned her elbows out and threw her off balance. Tarine tripped on the step in front of her and fell down. He unceremoniously pulled her up, and as he did, he dragged her body toward him, tight against his torso. He smiled.

Vanessa snapped. Without thinking, she pushed him. “Don’t touch her again! ” she said.

The cop behind Purdy grabbed Vanessa by both of her arms and cuffed her, pulling her arms tight behind her.

Greg came back around the corner at the same time Ricky came into the living room, wondering what all of the commotion was about.

“What the hell is going on? ” Greg yelled. “Let her go! ”

Instinctually, Ricky lunged forward and pushed both cops off the women. Purdy fell back, the other cop barely moved. “You get off of them! ” Ricky said. “I don’t care what badge you’re wearing! ”

Purdy looked at Ricky, and Ricky instantly understood this was going to cost him. But he stood tall as both cops moved toward him, and remained stoic as they pulled his arms behind his back and cuffed him.

He winced at the tightness of the restraints themselves, but as he did, Tarine caught his eye and mouthed Thank you. Vanessa smiled at him. Greg gave Ricky a nod, and the remaining crowd cheered.

Tarine, Vanessa, and Ricky were all going to jail. But at least they’d put up a fight.

Then the police raided the house.

They got the two actors hallucinating from LSD on the tennis courts (Tuesday Hendricks and Rafael Lopez, possession), the one supplying coke (Bobby Housman, possession with intent to distribute), the two throwing serving trays like oversized ninja stars (Vaughn Donovan and Bridger Miller, vandalism), the naked woman blowing a drummer in the middle of the lawn (Wendy Palmer, indecent exposure, lewd conduct), the ones with pockets full of what were clearly Nina’s and Brandon’s belongings (Ted Travis and Vickie Brooks, grand larceny), and the one holding a gun (Seth Whittles, possession of a loaded firearm without a license).

There were so many of them that the cops had to call in a police van. They loaded each of them in as they cleared out the rest of the house. Bridger stared daggers at Tuesday the second he saw her. Tuesday refused to look at him, focused entirely on Rafael. Ted and Vickie tried to hold hands in handcuffs. Bobby nodded at Wendy. Wendy smiled kindly at Seth. Vaughn was trying not to vomit.

Ricky was seated next to Vanessa, pushed together tight, almost no room between them.

“Weird night, ” he said to her.

“Yeah, ” she said. “Weird night. But thank you, for, you know, standing up to that cop for me. ”

“Oh, yeah, ” Ricky said. “Sure. I mean, anytime. ”

Vanessa smiled and leaned over and kissed Ricky on the lips. “Maybe we could hang out sometime, ” she said.

Ricky nodded. “How about tomorrow night, assuming we’re not both in jail? ”

“Excellent, ” Vanessa said.

The two of them sat there, handcuffed next to each other, smiles creeping across their faces. And in this way, the very end of the night contained its own kind of beginnings.

Tarine was the last one escorted to the van.

“I’m going to come get you, ” Greg called to her. “I’ll be right behind the van. ”

“Please! ” she yelled, as the doors were shut. “These people are crazy. ”

On the way to the precinct, the cops came across a crashed black Jaguar on the side of the road. The hood was crunched around a tree, the engine smoking.

They arrested the very drunk but completely unscathed Brandon Randall (driving while intoxicated).

Thirteen arrests, hundreds of people kicked out of the house, and the Rivas nowhere to be found.

By the time the clock struck 5: 00 A. M., the party of the decade was over.

5: 00 A. M.

The six of them sat on the beach in silence for a while, no one quite ready to move.

They had the answers to the questions Nina, Jay, Hud, Kit, and even Mick had held in the backs of their minds for the past two decades. Would he ever come back? Could he belong to them once more?

Yes. But no.

And so they all sat quietly as the world shifted and settled within each of them.

After what felt like hours, Nina stood up and wiped the sand off her legs. The Santa Ana winds were gearing up, she could feel it against her shoulders. “It’s getting cold, ” she said.

The six of them put the surfboards back in the shed and started climbing back up the cliff.

• • •

Jay was reeling from almost everything that had happened over the past twelve hours. He was having trouble processing what had taken place, and he knew it would be some time until he truly understood it all. But there was one thing that felt clear to him now: He did not want to be anything like his father.

There had been so many times over the past years that Jay had hoped his father’s glory or prestige might have rubbed off on him. But now he could see plainly, he did not want to indulge that about himself the way his father had.

In fact, despite everything, he had to admit if there was a man in his life to look up to, it had always been Hud. As difficult as that felt to swallow at that given moment, it was still undeniably true.

As Hud struggled up the stairs, Jay came up behind. He put his arm out to help and said, in a voice that was not a whisper, but was not heard by anyone else, “I need you to be sorry. ”

“I am, ” Hud told him.

“No, you have to be so sorry that I know you’ll never lie to me again, so that I know I can still trust you forever. Like nothing has changed. ”

Hud looked at his brother and allowed his sorrow to surface. Jay could see the pain in his brother’s face and body, and he knew Hud well enough to know that it wasn’t the broken ribs. “I am that sorry, ” Hud said.

“OK, ” Jay said. “We’re OK. ” And with that, Jay took the full weight of his brother’s body onto his shoulder and helped Hud up the cliff.

• • •

All this talk of their father made Hud think of their mother. And he thought of the story she used to tell him, how he had been handed to her, and she had held him as he cried, and loved him right then and there.

She had chosen to love him and it had changed his life.

Hud would love his child the way his mother had loved him: actively, every day, and without ambiguity.

And maybe twenty-five years from now, all of them plus a whole new generation of Rivas would be right here on this very beach. And maybe there would be another reckoning. Perhaps his children would tell him he’d been too permissive or he’d been too strict, he’d put too much emphasis on x when it should have been y.

He smiled to think of it, the ways in which he would mess this whole thing up. It was inevitable, wasn’t it? The small mistakes and heartbreaks of guiding a life? His mother had screwed up almost as much as she’d succeeded.

But the one thing he knew in his bones was that he would not leave.

His child—his children, if he was lucky—would know, from the day they were born, that he was not going anywhere.

• • •

Kit, despite herself, did feel something for her father. She did not like him, per se. But she was happy to have learned that he had a soul, however imperfect. Somehow, knowing her father wasn’t all bad made her like herself more, made her less afraid of who she might be down in the unmined depths of her heart.

As they made their way up the stairs, Kit pushed ahead of everyone as only little sisters can and then stopped when she got to Casey.

She slowed down, and as she passed her she said, “Excuse me. ”

Later on, Kit would look back on that moment—that time they were all walking, mostly in silence, back up the stairs with their father—as the moment their family rearranged, made room for Casey to stay, made room for Nina to go.

Kit tapped Nina on the shoulder. “Hey, ” she whispered.

“Hi, ” Nina said.

“What’s the place in Portugal? ” Kit asked.

“Huh? ” Nina said.

“The place in Portugal. Where you said you wanted to go and eat the catch of the day. ”

“Oh, ” Nina said. “I don’t know. I was just talking. ”

“No, you weren’t, ” Kit said. “I know you. ”

“It doesn’t matter. ”

“It was the most honest you’ve ever been, ” Kit said. “It matters more than anything. ”

Nina turned, and looked at her sister. “It’s Madeira. I’ve always wanted to live in Madeira in a tiny house on the water, the kind of place where you only go into town once a week to buy food. I’d love to be somewhere where no one knows who I am or who my dad is and no one has my posters on their wall and I can eat anything I want to. And I can cut all my hair off if I feel like it and maybe be a gardener or a landscaper. Something outside. Where no one knows I was married to Brandon. And when the waves are good, I’m always in the water. ”

Kit saw it in perfect Technicolor. The thing they could all do for Nina.

• • •

Mick knew that if he really loved his kids, he would leave them alone. That seemed easy, that seemed doable. He thought of it as his own redemption.

And so, as he made his way up the steps, he decided he’d hug each of them, give them his direct phone number, tell them he would be there if they wanted to go get lunch, and then get in his Jag and drive away.

He turned to Casey, just as his feet hit the grass, and he said, “I’ll take a paternity test. If you want. Just let me know. ”

Casey, still finding this night beyond belief and sad and a tiny bit thrilling, smiled at him. Then, just in case he was her father, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

• • •

As the family came up to the lawn, the remaining cops shined their lights on the faces of Mick and his five children. And it was then that, for one of the first times in their lives, they saw why it’s good to have Mick Riva as your father.

They all went inside and, after ten minutes of smiles and handshakes and autographs and polite laughing at inane stories, the cops resolved to be on their way.

“We had some arrests, ” Sergeant Purdy said. “Nobody you’d miss, I can’t imagine. Vandals, really. ”

Nina wasn’t sure what to say to that and she wondered who the cops had arrested. “Thank you, Officers, ” she said. She showed them to the front door.

Then she turned and looked at her family. Her brothers had blood crusted on their faces, her sister had a hickey—what? —and there were two more bodies than there’d been at the beginning of this whole thing.

“All right, ” Mick said. “I believe this is my cue to leave. ”

He entertained the fantasy that someone might try to stop him. He wasn’t too surprised when no one did.

He hugged his sons first, and then his possible daughter, and then the one with the big mouth, and then as he got to the front door, the one who had saved the family he had started.

“Thank you, ” Mick whispered in her ear as he pulled Nina to him. “For the person you’ve been your entire life. And all that you’ve done. ”

And then, before Nina could even realize she was crying, he was gone.

Nina sat down on the steps facing the door and her brothers and sister sat down next to her.

“You OK? ” Hud asked.

Nina looked up at him, so many feelings dancing around inside her, out of the grasp of words. “I mean …” she said and then gave up.

“Right, ” he said.

“Me, too, ” Kit added.

“Yeah, ” Jay said.

Casey stood by the door.

Hud looked at her there, alone and unsure, on the threshold. “Come on, sit down. I don’t care who your dad is. You’re one of us. ”

Kit scooted over to make room. And when Casey sat down next to Nina, Jay squeezed her shoulder. Nina patted her knee.

She needed someone to love her. And they could do that. That would be very easy for them to do.

June was gone. Yet here she was, living on through her children.

6: 00 A. M.

It took exactly fifty-two minutes for them to convince Nina to leave. The five of them were all standing around the island in the kitchen, eating from the cracker tray.

Kit pitched the initial idea. “What if you just left and went to Portugal right now? ”

Hud was silent. Casey wasn’t sure what to say. And Nina dismissed it over and over again.

Until Jay started echoing Kit.

“It’s not actually that crazy, Nina, ” he said. “You don’t want to live here. Especially now. You don’t want to be with Brandon. You don’t want all the attention. You don’t want any of this and you also don’t want to have to explain yourself to everyone. So leave. Don’t tell anybody. Just go. ”

“You’re saying I leave my things, my bank account, my house. And no one will have any idea where I am? ” Nina said.

“I mean, that’s not exactly what we are saying, ” Hud said.

“Brandon will know where I am, won’t he? So he’ll still be a problem. People still know who Dad is. Everyone is going to know I got cheated on. Everyone’s gonna know my husband left me for Carrie fucking Soto. ”

“Can I just say …” Casey stepped in. “That she seems like, as my mother used to say when she was really mad, a real asshole? ”

“Yes, you can, ” Nina said. “Yes, you can say that. ”

Kit saw then that there was a version of Nina—the nice girl who always said the nice thing—who was gone. And there was a slightly new Nina—who agreed when someone said the woman that fucked her husband was an asshole. And Kit thought, for both the old Nina and this new Nina, she wanted Portugal.

“Will you just listen to me? ” Kit said. “It’s actually pretty simple. ”

“OK, ” Nina said, exasperated. “Go ahead. ”

“We don’t want people tracking you down. We want them to leave you alone. So we make it really ambiguous. You leave now. The party got out of control. I’m sure it will be in the papers. And people will think you ran off with someone or something. ”

“Or that I died. ”

“I mean, maybe, ” Hud said, conceding the unlikely possibility.

“So, fine, ” Kit said. “People say you died. Who cares? That just means they will leave you alone. We know you’re not dead. We’ll tell Mick you’re not dead. I can tell Tarine or whoever you want. We’ll tell anyone that will keep the secret. But then you take some cash, you drive to the airport, and you get a one-way ticket to Portugal. Get yourself a small house. Or whatever. See if you like it. If you don’t, then you’ll come home. And if you do, then stay as long as you want. And we will come visit you. All the time. And no one would even question it because the surfing is great there. Hud and Jay would probably go all the time anyway for surf shoots and shit. I’ll tag along. We will see you all the time. We will come stay with you for weeks sometimes. We’ll always be in your hair. ”

“I can’t leave, ” Nina said. “I can’t leave you all. You …” Need me.

“No, ” Kit said. “Not anymore. We love you and we want you around. But, Nina, you don’t need to take care of us anymore. ”

“She’s right, ” Hud said. “Kit’s right. ”

And that is when Nina started to wonder if this wasn’t such a crazy idea. She started to wonder if she could just go. It felt daring to even imagine.

“Kit’s right. You should go, Nina, ” Jay said. “It’s totally not like you to do it. And that’s exactly why you have to. ”

Nina was listening to him. He could tell.

“You’ve spent your whole life making up for Mom and Dad. We don’t talk about it very much but … Mom didn’t make it easy either. But I have always known that it didn’t matter how drunk Mom got or whether Dad came home because you would always be there. ”

“I’ve known that, too, ” Hud said.

“I’ve known it my entire life, ” Kit said. “I know it now. And I’ll know it even if you live on a beach in Madeira. ”

Casey stepped in. “I barely know you and you’ve made me feel that way. It seems like it’s just the way you are. ”

Kit looked at Casey and could see that Casey cared about her family, cared about Nina already. Kit wondered what it would be like to be someone’s older sister, to pass along the stuff you’ve figured out. She could do that. She wanted to do that.

“What if they find my car at the airport at some point and track me down? ” Nina asked.

Kit started smiling. They’d moved on to logistics.

“My truck, ” Casey said. “It’s parked down the road, way past the bluffs. I was … I was intimidated by the valets. And … all the fancy cars. ” Casey walked over to her purse and pulled out her keys. “It’s a red pickup with three quarters of a tank of gas. Registered in my dad’s name. Should get you to whatever airport you want to leave from. ”

“And then, you know, go. Fly to Portugal and do something for you. For once. Just for a little while, ” Kit said.

It was the “little while” that got her. She could go for a little while. There would be no harm in a little while.

“What about the restaurant? ” Nina asked. “Who is going to make sure everything runs—”

“We’ll sell the restaurant, ” Kit said. “I’m sorry but we need to sell it and take the money. Mom hated that place. She never wanted it for us. Let Ramon take it over—he actually cares about it. We should let it go. We don’t have to live life the exact same way Mom did or Grandma did. It’s ours to do with what we want and I say you go to Portugal and let us sell the damn thing, please. ”

Nina looked at Hud. Hud looked at Jay. “Yeah, ” Jay said. “Kit’s right. Mom wouldn’t want you to stay here so you could run the restaurant. Mom would have hated that. ”

That was true, wasn’t it? And yet here Nina was, holding on to it simply because her mother had carried it before her.

Nina suddenly had a picture in her head. It was as if June had given her a box—as if every parent gives their children a box—full of the things they carried.

June had given her children this box packed to the brim with her own experiences, her own treasures and heartbreaks. Her own guilts and pleasures, triumphs and losses, values and biases, duties and sorrows.

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