Acknowledgments 10 страница

“And you can stay gracious then, too? ” Nina asked.

Brandon laughed. “The cameras zoom right in on me when I lose, ” he said. “They’re just waiting for me to slip up. So yes, I stay gracious then, too. But it’s harder, I’ll give you that. But we are talking about me too much. So, the first time you were on a surfboard. Tell me everything. ”

Nina smiled and told Brandon the story of all of her siblings on the beach that afternoon in ’69. Brandon laughed when she told him about not letting Kit go on her own, but instead pulling her along on Nina’s shoulders on the board. “I realize I barely know her, ” Brandon said. “But I feel like I already know that she hated that. ”

Nina laughed. “Oh, she definitely hated it, ” she said. And then she sipped her wine and caught Brandon’s eye. How nice it is, she thought, to laugh in this way.

After Brandon drove her home that night, he kissed her on the cheek as they sat parked in her driveway.

“I like you, Nina, ” he said. “And I know you’ve got guys coming at you every which way nowadays. But I want to be the real deal. Can I see you again? ”

Nina smiled and nodded.

“All right, ” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow and plan something good. ”

“OK, ” Nina said. “You do that. ”

Despite his fame and his fortune, Brandon did not woo Nina with expensive dinners. He did not ask very many questions about her fancy father. He did not whisk her away to penthouse apartments in foreign lands.

He made her stir-fry at his place in Brentwood. He showed up at her house with flowers. He went to the beach with her and watched her surf.

When she cut her arm on some coral, he pulled a first aid kit out of the back of his Mercedes and bandaged her up. When she said thank you, he kissed her on the temple and said, “I like taking care of you. ”

That April, the cover of Sports Pages was not BranRan in Big Bear or BranRan in Joshua Tree. It was BranRan with his back to the ocean, his racket down by his side, calling out to someone off-camera.

The headline said BRANRAN: TENNIS’S NICE GUY IS LOOKING FOR LOVE. It was the only issue of Sports Pages that sold out that year. Kit thought it was cheesy but she still bought Nina three copies.

By that point, Nina and Brandon had started seeing a lot of each other. And Brandon almost always invited Kit, and soon Jay and Hud, out with them, too.

The five of them all went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark together. They went hiking together. They went on road trips to chase waves. Brandon drove and waited out on the sand for them.

When they all tried to teach him to surf one afternoon at County Line, he kept falling off the board. His strength and training from tennis didn’t seem to help him with his balance in the waves just yet.

“Fall off nine times, get up ten, right? ” Brandon said, after he bit it the first time.

Nina laughed and helped pull him up onto his board and he leaned over to her and kissed her and said, “I guess you’re better at this than me. ”

Nina laughed. “I’ve been doing it longer. ”

“Still, ” he said. “It’s sexy. ”

Kit had overheard him and smiled to herself.

“All right, ” Brandon said after falling off for the fourth time, frustration growing in his voice. “I’ll be in charge of lunch, meet you all back here in an hour. ”

Jay and Hud laughed. Kit convinced him to order them all steak sandwiches. And when they came in from the water that day, he was there, with five steak sandwiches laid out on a towel. Nina’s had no cheese, with a sliced tomato on the side. She kissed him on the cheek but found that she had to stop herself from welling up.

Later that evening, after Nina and Brandon had gone home to his place, they made love in his bedroom, slowly and sweetly. And afterward, as they lay in the dark together, sharing the secrets of their hearts, Brandon told Nina that he wished he loved his brother the way she loved her siblings. “I want you to know that if we do have a future together … if we ever … buy a house together, I know it needs extra bedrooms, for all of them, just in case. I know they are a part of the deal. And I love it about you. ”

Nina smiled and turned to him and kissed him. “I love you, ” she said and she meant it with all of her heart.

If she was totally honest with herself, she thought he was sort of blandly handsome. She found his white-bread style a little bit embarrassing. He didn’t make her laugh very hard and he didn’t blow her mind in bed. She didn’t like how often he would simply refuse to do something that he wasn’t immediately good at. And while she knew it mattered to him that he was famous and talented and rich, none of those things intrigued her.

But when she thought of a life with Brandon, her muscles relaxed and breath came easier. He felt like falling into a warm, soft bed. And she was so tired.

• • •

That fall, Nina and Brandon got engaged. They were married in the spring of 1982. Nina wore a crown of flowers in her hair, her bare feet buried in the cool evening sand. Brandon wore a white linen suit, picked out by Hud.

Nina felt the hole where her mother should have been. All three of her siblings walked her down the aisle.

• • •

Brandon looked at homes with a real estate agent every day for six weeks before finding the perfect one. 28150 Cliffside Drive was big and airy like he wanted, with a tennis court that overlooked the ocean. It had just enough bedrooms upstairs and a pool that he imagined teaching his children to swim in.

“I’ve found exactly the place, ” he said to Nina that night at dinner in the city. He’d been taking her out to restaurants in a lot of areas of Los Angeles she had never thought to explore. This time they were in West Hollywood, eating at Dan Tana’s. There had been a photo of her father on the wall and she’d chosen to ignore it.

“Tell me all about it, ” Nina said. “Is it on the water? ”

“Better, ” Brandon said. And Nina could think of nothing better than to be right on the water but she listened anyway. “It’s on the edge of Point Dume. You’ll be able to surf Little Dume every day. You can walk down there from the backyard. Westward Beach is just a stone’s throw away. It’s literally on the edge of the cliff. It’s on the edge of the world, honey. ”

“Oh, OK, ” Nina said, eating an undressed salad. “Sounds cool. I’m excited to look at it. I can do it tomorrow if you think it will go fast. ”

“No need, ” Brandon said. “I put in an offer. It’s ours. It’s all taken care of. ”

“Oh, ” Nina said, breathing in deeply and hiding her annoyance by sipping her red wine. She would much rather have renovated her current place. Or bought something near it. She thought he knew that. But maybe she hadn’t really explained herself well. “Great. I’m sure it’s great. I’m sure it’s perfect. ”

The next morning, Brandon took her to the new house and showed her around. “This is where the couch will go. And I’m thinking my Warhol will go here …”

He kept talking and talking and talking but Nina wasn’t listening. This house was gorgeous but it was too much. Too big and too beige and too industrial and … there was no soul in here.

“What do you think? ” he said. “Is it not perfect? ”

What could she do about it? It was already done. “It’s perfect, ” she said. “Thank you. ”

He pulled her into him, put his arms around her. He put his chin to her neck, buried his face by her ear. His body was always so solid. Every time he held her like that, she felt so much less alone.

“Pretty great party house, right? ” he asked her. “You all can throw your end-of-summer party here every year for decades to come, I bet. ”

Nina smiled and pulled away from him ever so slightly. “You already thought of that? ” she asked.

“Thought of it? I said to the realtor, ‘It has to be walking distance to a great break, great for parties, and at least five bedrooms. Those were my stipulations. I wanted you to have the chance to surf every day, have room for Jay, Hud, and Kit, and be able to throw the Riva party every year. ”

Nina laughed. She looked at the home again. “It is great for a party. ”

“Stick with me, kid, ” he said, smiling at her. “I’m always going to make sure you have everything you ever wanted. ”

There wasn’t much she wanted. But it enchanted her nonetheless. “I love you, ” she told him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up the stairs.

“I love you, too, ” he said, allowing himself to be pulled. “With all of my heart, forever. ”

When they made their way to the empty master bedroom of the home that was not yet technically theirs, Nina pulled Brandon down onto the plush carpet and made love to him. Sweet, and slow, never rushed, never wild, only tender and wholehearted.

And it was that very spot where Nina fell to her knees a year later when Brandon walked out.

• • •

He’d just come home from winning Wimbledon. They had a vacation to Bora-Bora planned with Jay, Hud, and Kit next week. She was reading a travel guide.

She heard him walk in the front door and heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. But when Brandon walked into their bedroom, he wasn’t smiling.

“I’m sorry, Nina, ” he said. “But I’m leaving. ”

“What are you talking about? ” she said, laughing. She put down the book and stood up, wearing a T-shirt and a pair of his old boxer shorts. “Leaving for where? You just got here. ”

“I’ve met someone else, ” he said as he went into the closet and stuffed some shirts into a duffel bag.

Nina stared at him, her jaw slack. He walked out the door, now rushing down the stairs. Nina followed him.

“I don’t understand, ” she said quietly. “What do you mean you’ve met someone else? ”

Brandon did not turn around to answer her, he just kept walking away.

“Brandon! ” Nina said finally as they got to the driveway. “Look at me, please. ”

“We’ll talk about this more at another time, ” Brandon said as he got in his car. And then he drove off.

Nina stood there watching his car turn onto the road. She started gasping for air, stunned at what had just happened, what she’d just seen with her own eyes. “What? ” she kept saying over and over, in between panicked breaths. “What? ”

She sat down on the front stoop of her home to gather herself. Only then did it really sink in that her husband was leaving her for another woman.

She began to cry without even realizing it, wiping her cheeks but unable to keep up with the tears. Her eyes grew red and swollen. She could not move from her place on the stoop, heavy and dead, like an anchor tied to nothing.

She cried until the sun started to set, until the birds settled into their trees. She’d have to tell her siblings he was gone. She felt embarrassed, thinking of how excited she’d been to take them to Bora-Bora. She grew cold, sitting outside in Brandon’s underwear.

And then she stood up and dried her eyes. And she thought of June. She’d lived this all before, of course. Watching her mother go through it.

Family histories repeat, Nina thought. For a moment, she wondered if it was pointless to try to escape it.

Maybe our parents’ lives are imprinted within us, maybe the only fate there is is the temptation of reliving their mistakes. Maybe, try as we might, we will never be able to outrun the blood that runs through our veins.

Or.

Or maybe we are free the moment we’re born. Maybe everything we’ve ever done is by our own hands.

Nina wasn’t sure.

She just knew that, somehow, after everything that had happened in her life, she had ended up all alone on the front stoop, left behind by a man she had dared to trust.

Part Two

7: 00 P. M. TO 7: 00 A. M.

7: 00 P. M.

The clock struck seven and Kit’s best friend, Vanessa de la Cruz, pulled up to Nina’s house, the first to arrive. She was immediately approached by one of the team of valets and stepped out of her car.

Vanessa was wearing a sky blue T-shirt, belted at the waist, with white shorts and white pumps. She had teased her hair at the crown and rimmed her eyes in black eyeliner. She had stolen her entire outfit idea from Heather Locklear, who’d been wearing the same thing on the cover of Los Angeles magazine last month.

This had seemed like a good idea, until right this very second, when it occurred to Vanessa that Heather Locklear might show up at the party. And then what was she going to do?

The valet put his hand out for Vanessa’s keys.

“I mean … I can park it myself, ” she said. “If that’s easier? ”

“It’s my job, ” he said, gently taking the keys from her.

Vanessa watched her AMC Eagle drive away from her. It was still strange to her that the Rivas were rich kids now. She remembered hanging out with Kit at the Rivas’ house with all the lights turned off to save power. Now, Vanessa wasn’t even sure if her shoes were nice enough. Not that any of them, especially Kit, would have ever noticed or cared.

Vanessa stepped to the front door and put her hand up to knock. Anxiety was settling in. Every year at this party, she hung back and made jokes in the corner with Kit. But this year, she wanted to get Hud’s attention. Maybe this was the night he finally noticed her in that way.

She rapped her knuckles on the door and rang the doorbell.

The door opened and there he was. Vanessa was absolutely positive he was only getting better looking with every passing day and it crushed her.

“Oh, hey, Vanessa, ” Hud said, opening the door wider, a smile on his face. “Kit! ” he called out to the rest of the house. “Vanessa’s here! ”

Kit came around the corner. “Hey! ”

Vanessa’s eyes went wide at the sight of Kit’s outfit. She’d never seen her friend show so much skin outside of the beach. “Wow, ” Vanessa said. “You look great. ”

Hud patted Kit on the back and then walked toward the kitchen. Vanessa watched him go, her pulse slowing down with each step he took away from her.

“I do? ” Kit said, looking down at her own torso. “Are you sure? ”

Vanessa returned her gaze to Kit and laughed. “Yeah, you look hot. ”

“OK, good, ” Kit said. “You do, too. ”

“Thanks, ” Vanessa said, fluffing her hair as she peeked around for another moment, to see if maybe Hud was coming back.

The night was young.

The doorbell had started ringing every twenty seconds. Nina could hear Kit greeting people downstairs.

She could see the sky darkening through the windows, the stars beginning to brighten against the dusk.

“Please, Nina, ” Brandon said. “I got caught up in something. I got lost in my own … need to be … I don’t know. I had shit I was going through and I handled it in the worst way possible. But … God, I’m so horrified by how I’ve acted the past few months. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, honestly. I’ve never just colossally fucked up like this before. But I’ll do anything to make it right. Anything. I love you. Please, Nina, ” he said as he stood in their bedroom. “Give me another chance. You know I’m not a bad guy. You know that. You know me. You know if I did something this stupid, it’s because I was going crazy, I wasn’t myself. ”

Brandon got down on his knees and started kissing Nina’s knuckles. Her hands were cold and he was warm. “I have missed your face, ” he said, looking up at her, his eyes growing glassy, his voice scratchy. “And the smell of your hair. I missed brushing my teeth next to you every morning and night. The way you look the most like yourself in your pajamas next to me at the sink. The way you smile with your whole face sometimes, ” he said. “I cannot live without you. ”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, ” Nina said.

“Say you’ll give me another chance. ”

Nina found herself looking at the floor and the ceiling, the bedspread and the closet doors. Anywhere but his face. At anything but his eyes.

“Come with me, ” Brandon said, taking her hand. “You deserve to know I’m serious. ” He began pulling her out of the bedroom into the hallway.

“Brandon, what are you doing? ” Nina asked, running with him so as not to be dragged.

He led her down the stairs, where people were starting to gather in the entryway and living room. Nina caught eyes with Tuesday Hendricks just as she walked in the door.

“Brandon, ” Nina whispered. “You’re embarrassing me. ”

“Everyone! ” Brandon called out, his voice booming over the music that had just started playing. “I have an announcement to make. ”

Heads started to turn in their direction, including Hud’s. He had been pointing out the nearest bathroom to an Olympic volleyball player. Nina didn’t see Jay or Kit but she could feel everyone’s eyes on her.

“If any one of you have read the papers, you might know that I’ve fucked up recently. That I forgot how lucky I was. That I haven’t been such a nice guy. ”

“You’ve been a moron, man! ” someone called out from the crowd. Everyone laughed and Nina wanted to evaporate into the air.

Brandon turned to her. “But I’m here to tell you, Nina, in front of everyone here tonight. That I love you. And I need you. That you are the most beautiful, kindest, most amazing woman on the planet. I am here to declare publicly, I am nothing without you. ”

Nina grinned reluctantly, unsure where to look or what to say.

He got down on one knee. “Nina Riva, will you take me back? ”

Somebody whistled. Nina couldn’t tell who it was but she thought it might have been her neighbor Carlos Estevez. The rest of the crowd starting clapping. Someone started chanting, “Take Him Back! ”

Nina could feel the room shrinking, as if it could collapse on her.

“Take! Him! Back! Take! Him! Back! ”

Suddenly, her voice was so small, she almost wasn’t sure it was hers. “OK, ” Nina said, nodding, hoping everyone would stop looking. “OK. ”

Brandon swooped her up into his arms and kissed her. Everyone cheered.

Kit made her way to the commotion from the kitchen and saw Brandon there, a smile on his face, holding Nina in his arms. He looked so victorious.

Kit looked to Jay, who had come in by the stereo, and then to Hud, who was still by the door. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened. Kit’s expression turned sour.

Nina glanced toward Kit at that very moment, saw how it all looked through Kit’s eyes. She averted her gaze.

8: 00 P. M.

Tuesday Hendricks was wearing baggy black linen pants with black suspenders, a white T-shirt, and a gray bowler hat over her long brown hair. She was fresh faced and slightly pale. The only makeup she had on was a hint of mascara.

She walked into the backyard with her hands in her oversized pockets. Within those pockets, Tuesday had four joints, two blunts, and a spliff.

She pulled out the spliff once she got to the open air and then lit it. She breathed in, she held the smoke in her lungs, and then she let it go.

She smiled at the people staring at her and then nodded, acknowledging them in the hope they would go back to their conversation.

“Tues, hey. ” Tuesday turned around to see Rafael Lopez, her most recent costar, joining her and handing her a beer. She had not come with Rafael, had not been seeking him out. But she did not mind him. So far, during their current movie shoot, he’d kept his tongue in his mouth when they had makeout scenes and he never made her wait around for him when they were called to set. Plus, if he was standing next to her, perhaps people would be less inclined to interrupt.

She was not here to socialize. She was only here to show her face. To let everyone know she wasn’t running away after her public scandal, hiding from what she’d done. She wasn’t embarrassed. Bridger should be embarrassed. But the man had no shame.

“I thought you weren’t coming, ” Rafael said.

“I didn’t want to be the woman who couldn’t hack showing up. ”

Rafael put his hand out, asking for the spliff. Tuesday handed it over. Tuesday was known for having the best weed. But she was known for this only within Hollywood. To the public at large she was supposed to be innocent and adorable and, ugh, peppy.

Well, that’s what people had thought of her until she met Bridger. Now she was the girl who left him at the altar.

“It was exactly a year ago that you two met, right? ” Rafael asked.

Tuesday nodded. “This very party. On this very night. One year ago. ”

Rafael took a hit. Tuesday watched a pop star and an MTV Veejay hang out by the barbecue and pretend they weren’t going to screw later. But everyone already knew they were screwing. Tuesday laughed as it occurred to her. This whole town was just people who weren’t screwing pretending they were and people who were screwing pretending they weren’t.

“This is basically the anniversary of my very own hell, ” she added.

Rafael frowned at her. “The whole world thinks that guy is a saint. ”

“The whole world thinks I’m the daughter of a doomed astronaut who builds a time machine in order to visit him before he leaves for the moon. ”

Rafael laughed. “That’s your fault. Next time don’t be so convincing you win an Oscar at sixteen. ”

“Seventeen, ” Tuesday said.

Rafael raised his eyebrow at her. Tuesday watched the party begin to fill up. She smiled at people. She smoked her spliff. She checked her watch. She had told herself she’d stay for an hour. Just so everyone knew she wasn’t afraid to see Bridger’s face.

Twenty more minutes. And then she could go.

But then she heard a commotion behind her. And she heard Bridger’s booming action-movie voice. That voice was fake. His real voice was higher pitched and nasal. Tuesday knew this because when he spoke in his sleep, the real voice came out. But even with her, even when it had just been the two of them eating takeout on the couch, he’d always used the fake voice.

“Hey, man, how’s it hanging? ” Bridger said to someone in the doorway.

Tuesday could feel him mere feet away now. She turned to Rafael, not wanting to look behind her. “He’s coming up behind me, isn’t he? ” Her pulse started racing. Here was the problem: What she didn’t want everyone to think about her was actually true. She was afraid to see his face.

She didn’t think she could stand looking at him pretend to be hurt by her. She couldn’t bear one more minute of his brilliant poor-me routine. He had crafted such a perfect performance as a victim that it unnerved the shit out of her.

Yes, she’d left him on the day of their wedding. And yes, she could have handled it better. And yes, she had owed him a heartfelt apology.

Which she had given him, in the bridal suite, in her wedding dress, ten minutes before they were both due to go out there.

She had said, “I think we are doing this for the wrong reasons. ”

And he’d said, “We don’t have to be madly in love or anything. But we complement each other. Everyone loves us. And I do love you. I think you’re the greatest actress of our generation. ”

“Bridge, ” Tuesday had said. “I want to marry the love of my life. I want to wait for someone that feels like my soulmate. ”

And Bridger had said, “C’mon. You of all people know the difference between real life and movies. ”

Tuesday had let go of his hands and begun to take off her wedding dress. “I just can’t do this. I’m sorry. I can’t marry you. I thought I could. I thought I wanted the magazine cover but … I can’t do it. ”

“Tuesday, put your dress back on, the show starts in ten minutes. ”

Tuesday had shaken her head. “I’m not doing it. And I’m sorry. ”

She got her assistant to signal her parents, who were waiting for her in the first row. The three of them ran to her car and drove away.

Bridger went out to the chapel and pretended he expected Tuesday any minute. He started crying at the altar. And then sold the story to Now This.

That was four months ago. Tuesday had not seen him since.

And, just as she heard him coming closer, she decided she did not want to see him tonight either.

“Raf, God help me, I can’t do it, ” she said and she started running again, this time toward the tennis courts. But when she got to the gate, she noticed she wasn’t alone. Rafael had run with her.

“Quick! ” he said, pulling the gate open. “Before the fucker sees us! ”

Tuesday slipped in and Rafael followed her and then he locked the gate behind them. The two of them laughing.

Suddenly, they were alone, on Brandon Randall’s tennis court, beachside in Malibu, a thousand stars in the sky.

Tuesday emptied her pockets, showing Rafael the weed she’d brought. He nodded and emptied his own. Quaaludes and LSD.

“I think we’re supposed to ‘Just Say No, ’” Tuesday said with a smirk.

“Say whatever you want, ” Rafael said. “But then let’s get fucked up. ”

Suddenly, Tuesday’s night didn’t seem quite so bad after all.

The party was alive.

No one was counting but there were twenty-seven people in the formal living room, including Hud. There were twenty people milling around the kitchen, including Kit, and thirty-two people in the backyard, including Jay. There were couples and small groups migrating toward the family room, the dining room, the study.

There were seven people in the five bathrooms of the house. Two were peeing, three were snorting lines, two were making out.

Jay had been pretending to have a good time by the pool, talking to a few of his surf buddies from up in Ventura County. And then he pretended to have a good time in the living room, talking to a couple soap actresses, and then he pretended to have a good time absolutely everywhere else at the party, talking to anyone he could find. But, in fact, he was doing two specific things: watching the door and checking his watch.

When would Lara arrive?

Jay watched yet another group of people that did not contain Lara enter the house. He got frustrated and decided to go upstairs and take a piss.

So he did not see Ashley come in the front door. He did not see her look around—clearly with the intent of finding Hud. He did not see her spot Hud in the very back of the house talking to Wyatt Stone and the rest of the band members of the Breeze.

And so, Ashley slipped into the party without being noticed by anyone except the man she came for.

Hud looked up from the guys he was talking to and instantly smiled, delighted by the very sight of her despite the complications. “You came, ” he said, as she made her way to him.

She was wearing a fuchsia tube dress and an oversized blazer with the sleeves rolled up. She had her blond hair in a deep side part, one side held back with a comb barrette. Her long earrings sparkled as the light hit them.

“I came, ” she said and then she hugged him, very lightly.

“What made you change your mind? ” he asked.

“It felt silly, ” she said, a smile peeking out. “To hide a good thing. ”

Hud felt his chest tighten. He had to tell her how he’d screwed it all up. He would tell her in a moment.

Just not right then.

• • •

Nina was standing in the living room next to Brandon as they spoke to Bridger Miller.

“So even though it looks like I was scaling a thirty-foot building with my bare hands, ” Bridger said, “I was actually just climbing about seven feet. ” He pointed at them both. “But it was cool, right? ”

“It was completely awesome, ” Brandon said.

Despite the fact that she wasn’t particularly charmed by Bridger, Nina had to admit she’d seen Race Against Time and the scene was, actually, pretty awesome.

As Bridger asked Brandon something about next year’s Olympics, Nina turned her attention toward the front door. There were people funneling into the house, the door now propped open with a rock someone must have found near the doorstep.

She watched as people greeted one another with big smiles and outstretched arms. A Greek chorus of “You’re here! ” “You came! ” and “How the hell are ya? ”

Nina noticed a young girl in a purple jersey dress come in. She looked a little lost. Nina wondered who she knew, how she had heard of the party. The girl made her way awkwardly into the living room as a man came up to Brandon and Nina and said, “I thought you two were divorced. ”

Nina wondered what it was with some people, that they thought it was appropriate to say every single thought out loud.

Brandon said to the man, “Don’t always believe what you hear, ” and then winked at him.

Chris Travertine, Nina’s agent, walked in the door and spotted her next to Brandon. He was wearing a double-breasted blue suit with a T-shirt underneath, his jacket sleeves pushed up ever so slightly to reveal his gold Rolex. He smiled at Nina and came right to her. Kissed her on the cheek.

“Are you two back together? ” he whispered in her ear. “Not a bad move. ”

Nina grinned as best she could. “Glad you could make it. ”

Chris put his hand on her waist. He leaned to her ear once more and said, “I will always show up for you, babe. Always. Did you get my message? ”

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