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“Will you sign this napkin? ” Kyle Manheim asked, the second he could get close enough. He handed Mick a pen he’d scrounged up from some girl’s purse.

Mick rolled his eyes and scribbled across the cocktail napkin and handed it back. A line had started to form. Mick shook his head. “No, no, that’s it, no more autographs. ” Everyone groaned, acting as if they had been denied a basic human right, but still, they began to wander off.

“All right, get up, you two, ” Mick said, offering an arm to each of his sons. This, too, mystified Kit as she watched, that he could offer a boost now, having offered so little for so long.

Hud and Jay each took the arm he offered and pulled themselves onto their feet.

Hud took a quick catalog of his injuries: He was pretty sure his nose was broken and could feel he had a black eye, a nicked eyebrow, and a sliced lip. His ribs were bruised, his legs were sore, his abdomen tender. When he tried to breathe deeply, he almost collapsed.

Jay had a gash on his chin, a bruised tailbone, and a shattered ego.

Ashley moved closer to Hud, as if to try to take care of him. But as she took a step in his direction, she saw him flinch. And she understood that her presence, at least right now, could only make things worse.

She turned from him and Hud breathed her name. But she kept walking, pushing through the onlookers.

She wanted a place to cry alone. As she made her way into the kitchen, she considered going out to her car. But it would take forever for the valets to extract it from the maze of vehicles they had parked on the front lawn. Instead, she cut in line to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet lid, and bawled her eyes out.

• • •

“What are you doing here? ” Jay asked his father. His chin stung as the air hit the fresh cut and he wondered just how bad Hud was feeling.

“I got an invitation, ” Mick said.

“There are no invitations, ” Hud said. “And even if there were …” He didn’t finish the sentence. He couldn’t. He didn’t know the man in front of him well enough to insult him to his face.

“Well, I got one, ” Mick said. “But who cares about that? Why are you two beating the life out of each other? ”

“It’s not …” It’s not any of your business. “It’s a …” Jay found himself at a staggering loss for words. He looked over at his brother.

Hud looked back at him—bloodied and purple and hunched over, trying hard not to breathe too deeply—but clearly just as confused. And in Hud’s confusion, Jay found solace. He was not crazy. This was, in fact, beyond comprehension.

“You can’t just walk in here and start asking questions like that, ” Kit said. Mick, Jay, and Hud all turned at the sound of her voice. Her stance was wide, her shoulders were squared, her face showed neither awe nor shock.

“Who are you? ” Mick said, but then the moment it came out of his mouth he knew the answer. “I mean, I—”

“I’m your daughter, ” Kit said with a tone of amusement. It did not surprise her, his not knowing. But she found herself desperate to hide how much it still stung.

“I know that, Katherine, ” he said. “I’m sorry. You grew up even more beautiful than I envisioned. ” He smiled at her in a way that she assumed was supposed to convey some sort of charming embarrassment. And in that smile, Kit saw the magnetism her father wielded. Even when he failed, he won, didn’t he?

“We call her Kit, ” Jay said.

“Her name is Kit, ” Hud added.

“Kit, ” Mick said, directing his attention back to her and putting his hand on her shoulder. “It suits you. ”

Kit moved away from her father’s hand and laughed. “You have no idea what suits me. ”

“I was the first person to hold you the day you were born, ” Mick said to her gently. “I know you like I know my own soul. ”

Kit found his intensity—his presumed connection with her—unsettling. “I’m the one who has invited you to this party for the past four years, ” she said.

Hud looked at Jay and said, under his breath, “Did you know that? ” Jay shook his head.

“Why are you only here now? ” Kit asked.

Kit had looked forward to writing that invitation every year. She felt powerful doing it, as if she was both brazen and valiant. She was daring him to show up. Daring him to show his face around here. She felt vindicated every time he didn’t.

Every year he ignored that invitation, it renewed her indignation. It was one more good reason to dislike the motherfucker. It was one more reason not to bother worrying if he was OK or if he missed them. It was one more reason she wouldn’t have to show up at his funeral. And it felt good.

But him here, now. This wasn’t how it was all supposed to go.

“I want to see if we can … be a part of one another’s lives, ” he said. “I’ve missed you all so much. ” He looked directly at Kit as he spoke, and his eyes misted, and his mouth turned down. For a split second, Kit’s chest ached, imagining a world of pain that her father might have lived in without them. Did it hurt him? To be away? Did he think of them? Did he feel their absence every day? Had he picked up the phone a hundred times but never dialed?

But then Kit remembered that her father had taken a stab at acting back in the late sixties. He’d been nominated for a Golden Globe—that’s how good he was.

“No, ” Kit said shaking her head. “Listen, I’m sorry, ” she said, sincerely. “I know that I invited you. It was my mistake. I think that you should go. ”

Mick frowned but remained undeterred. “How about this? ” he said. “Let’s all go someplace quiet and talk. ”

He could see that Kit was about to reject this plan and he put his hands up in surrender. “And then I’ll go. But despite everything we’ve been through, you are my children. So, please, let’s just talk for a moment. Maybe down by the beach, away from the party. That’s all I’m asking. You all have a few minutes for your old man, don’t you? ”

Kit looked to Jay, Jay looked to Hud, Hud looked at Kit.

And then the three of them took the stairs down to the beach with their father.

Casey was telling Nina the story of the time she got stuck on a Ferris wheel with her first boyfriend when Nina heard people in the hallway saying Mick Riva had broken up a fight in the backyard.

“Did you hear that? ” Nina said to Casey.

“Hear what? ” Casey asked.

“It sounded like someone said Dad broke up a fight outside. ”

Nina got up and walked to the window and Casey followed.

Casey had never experienced that: the use of “Dad” as opposed to “my dad. ” There had been only herself growing up, no one to compare notes with, share parents with. And then here Nina was, sharing the word with her.

Nina stood at the window and looked down at her yard.

The pool was half-empty—all of the people who’d been splashing in it had transferred much of the water onto her yard. There were plastic cups all over the place. Huge areas of her lawn were covered in broken porcelain. Blue and white chargers and dinner plates and teacups and saucers were all in pieces around her palm trees. Nina thought it was sort of fitting that her wedding china had been destroyed.

“I never liked that china, ” she told Casey. “Brandon’s mother insisted that I had to pick out something floral but I think having fine china is sort of silly. And anyway, I wanted the bird pattern. ”

“Why didn’t you get the birds, then? ” Casey asked.

Nina looked at her and frowned. “I …” she began to say, but then changed the subject. “Do you smoke? ” she said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her nightstand drawer. She offered one to Casey.

“Oh, no but, uh … OK, ” Casey said. She took the unlit cigarette from Nina’s hand and put it to her mouth.

Nina lit it and then lit her own.

Casey took a drag and coughed. “You were saying …” she said once she caught her breath. “About the birds. Why didn’t you get them? ”

Nina looked at Casey and then out the window, considering the question. The crowd was starting to shift, and as it did, Nina saw something startling. Her brothers, her sister, and her father, all together, walking down the stairs to the beach.

“Because I’m a doormat, ” Nina said. “I’m a human doormat. ” She put her cigarette out. “Fuck it. You stay here. I’m gonna go talk to Mick Riva. ”

3: 00 A. M.

Ted Travis was hell-bent on self-destruction.

He was the biggest, highest-paid star on network TV but none of that had mattered to him since his wife died last year. He felt like he was falling apart inside—sobbing alone in his huge house, hiring hookers, shoplifting, upgrading from the occasional coke binge to a full-blown speed addiction—but all of the chaos of his soul wasn’t showing on the outside.

When he looked in the mirror, he could see he was just getting handsomer and handsomer. Turns out, he looked even better with gray hair than he had with brown. Sometimes, when he looked at his own reflection, he could hear the ghost of Willa’s voice in his head, laughing, telling him he had no right to age so well without her. Drinking quieted it.

At Nina’s party, Ted had already downed half a bottle of whiskey, lost four grand on a bet to that girl from Flashdance, and then fallen asleep fully clothed in the shallow end of the pool. Someone had cannonballed into the water and woken him up. He climbed out.

But then: her.

A forty-three-year-old script supervisor named Victoria Brooks.

He came across her in the living room when his clothes had just stopped dripping. She was tall and lean and didn’t have a single curve on her body. She had bleached blond hair and dark eyebrows and a face that was positively breathtaking in profile.

“Ted, ” he said, putting out his hand as he walked up to her.

Vickie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I know who you are. ”

“And you are? ”

“Vickie. ”

“Beautiful name. Let me get you a drink, ” Ted said as he gave her his TV smile.

Vickie blew her cigarette away from both of them, her left hand pinning a highball of vodka and soda against her right arm. “I have one, thanks. ”

“What do I have to do to get a smile out of you? ” he asked her.

Vickie rolled her eyes again. “Sober up, maybe. You’ve embarrassed yourself about ten times already tonight. ”

Ted laughed. “You’re right about that. I keep trying to find a way to enjoy myself. But it’s pointless. I’m too goddamn sad all the time. ”

Vickie finally looked Ted in the eye.

She was sad, too. God, she was sad. Her husband had died in a boating accident seven years ago and she had resigned herself to loneliness since then. She was not willing to love again, if this was how it felt.

“One drink, ” Vickie said, surprising herself.

Ted smiled. He got her a fresh vodka soda, straightened his damp clothes, and went back to her.

“I want to take you out, ” he said. “So what should I do to convince you? Are you a grand gesture sort of lady? ”

Vickie sighed. “I guess so? But I’m not going on a date with you. ”

Ted smiled exactly the way he did on Cool Nights. He was just going through the motions but he was good at pretending. That’s why they paid him so much money to do it.

“C’mon, I might just charm you. Watch this. ” He started looking around for the easiest way to make a scene. He settled on swinging from the chandelier.

Ted handed Vickie his drink and started climbing onto the mantel. He pointed at a surfer by the coffee table. “Hey, man, pass me the chandelier, would you? ”

The guy, content to play along, stood on top of the coffee table and grabbed the base of the chandelier, slowly moving it toward Ted. Ted grabbed a handful of the crystals on the bottom.

“Vickie, let me take you to dinner! ” he said. And then he swung himself across the room, hanging on for dear life. He hit the opposite wall and then let go, crashing onto the sofa with the howl of an injured animal.

Vickie found herself running to him.

“Are you OK? ” she said. “Come on, get up. ” She put her arms around Ted to help him.

The warmth of her hands made him feel, for one half second, no longer alone. Instead of standing up with her, he pulled her down to him. “Can I kiss you? ” he said and when she smiled, he did it. She felt his soft lips on hers and she did not balk. A thrill ran through her like a bolt.

She pulled back, speechless. And then, drunk and confused and momentarily desperate for the very thing she thought she’d never want again, she kissed him once more. It may have looked absurd from the outside, but it felt sort of magical to the two of them. The surprise of sincere desire.

The people around them cheered as another idiot decided to try to swing from the chandelier.

But Ted was already planning his next escapade. “Have you ever stolen something, Vickie? ” he asked, as his eyebrows went up and a smile crept over his face.

Ashley wiped her eyes, pulled herself together, and walked out of the bathroom. She stepped over broken glass and crushed pita, hummus smeared across the tiles of the floor. She went out to the front stoop and gave her ticket to the valet.

For some reason, she felt strongly that the baby was a boy. And she liked the name Benjamin. If it did turn out to be a girl, maybe something like Lauren.

The rest of it … who knew? Jay would forgive Hud or he wouldn’t. Hud would come back to her, or he wouldn’t. They would be a family or they wouldn’t. This would all work out or it wouldn’t. But there would be a Benjamin or a Lauren. She and her Benjamin or her Lauren … they’d be OK.

The valet brought Ashley her car and she got in and drove away.

As she pulled out onto PCH, “Hungry Heart” started playing through her speakers and Ashley felt just the tiniest bit of hope. Your whole world can be falling apart, she thought, but then Springsteen will start playing on the radio.

• • •

Ricky Esposito was back hanging out near the food, eating plain crackers since the cheese plate was gone. He was trying to decide if he should just leave. He’d struck out with the girl of his dreams and he wasn’t yet in the mood to set his sights on another.

Vanessa de la Cruz walked into the kitchen.

“Oh, I’m starved, ” she said, grabbing a cracker. “Who took all the cheese? ” Her hair was a mess, her eye makeup was smudged. Ricky had seen her around with Kit before. There was something so quirky about her.

“Fun night? ” Ricky asked.

Vanessa nodded. “Greatest night of my fucking life, ” she said.

Ricky laughed.

“I’m serious, ” Vanessa said, eating a cracker. “I spent so much time thinking I was in love with one guy. One guy! And I just decided to get over it and it was like the whole world opened up. I made out with five dudes tonight. Five. They will tell legends about me one day. ”

Ricky laughed again.

“None were a love match, unfortunately, ” she said. “But, you know, I have to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. ”

Ricky laughed once more—she was funny. “No, I guess not. ”

Vanessa looked at him, actually looked at him, for the first time since they’d started talking. “You’re the one! Kit’s guy! ” Vanessa said suddenly. “Did she kiss you? ”

Ricky nodded. “But I don’t think she saw fireworks. ”

Vanessa bent her head to the side, surprised and disappointed. “Really? She seemed into you. ”

Ricky smiled and shook his head. “She’s definitely not into me. ”

Vanessa considered him. “She should be. You’re cute. ”

“Oh, well, thank you, ” Ricky said, unconvinced.

“No, I’m serious. I didn’t see it before, because you dress like a middle schooler. ”

“Thank you? ”

“I just mean, you know, you could dress cooler. ”

Ricky looked at his T-shirt and khakis. “I guess so. ”

“You’re sure Kit’s not into you? ”

“I’m positive. She said all we will ever be is friends. ”

Vanessa cocked her head to the side again. “I’m sorry. Those Rivas will break your heart. ”

Ricky took a sip of the beer he’d been nursing. “I’ll be all right. ”

Vanessa nodded. “I can tell you from experience that you definitely will. ”

“Good God, Nina actually lives on the edge of a cliff, ” Mick said, as he moved down the stairs.

“Yeah, ” Jay said. “It’s a pretty great location. Sick waves. ”

“Sick waves? ” Mick asked. “Oh, right. Yeah. I bet. ”

Mick didn’t surf. He didn’t get the appeal. It seemed like an odd way to spend your life, riding a piece of wood in the ocean. It certainly didn’t seem like a thing to bank your fortune on the way it seemed his children had. Had none of them considered that talent like Mick’s might be hereditary? Surely one of them must have a voice. He would have been happy to help them break into the industry.

In one phone call, he could set them up with a career most people would kill for, could set them up for life. He could give his children things that most people only dream of.

He had not been perfect as a father, that much was obvious. But if the goal for any generation is to do better than the one before them, then Mick had succeeded. He had given his children more than he had ever been given. He reminded himself of this as his feet hit the sand. He was not so bad.

He moved out of the way, letting Kit and Hud and Jay all join him on the shoreline. He kicked off his shoes, pulled off his socks, cuffed his pants. It had been a long time since he had been on the beach at night. Being on the beach at night was for young romantics and troublemakers.

Mick felt perfectly fine no longer being young. He liked the gravitas of age, liked the respect it afforded him. And if getting on in years was supposed to make you afraid of dying, he wasn’t doing it right. The prospect of death didn’t bother him at all. He had no plans to bribe the Grim Reaper.

In fact, in some perverse sort of way, Mick was quite looking forward to the aftermath of his passing. He knew the nation would mourn him. He would be called a legend. Decades later people would still know his name. He had achieved that rare level of fame that allows a person to transcend mortality.

What Mick was afraid of was becoming irrelevant. He found himself paralyzed by the thought that the world might pass him by while he was still in it.

“All right, Mick, we’re here. What do you want to say? ” Kit said. She glanced at her brothers, who would not look at each other. Kit wanted to know why Jay had beaten the shit out of Hud, but at the moment, there were more important things.

“You can call me Dad, you know, ” Mick said to her.

“I can’t, actually, but let’s move on, ” Kit said.

Hud, in grave pain and wishing he had access to Percocet and maybe a couple of stitches, found himself unsure what to say—or whether he was even physically capable of saying it. And so, he kept quiet.

“I know we haven’t been close, ” Mick started. “But I’d like for us all to get to know each other a little bit. ”

Kit rolled her eyes, but Jay was listening. He sat down on the cold sand of the beach and crossed his legs. Mick put his hands down on the sand and sat, too. Hud didn’t think he could sit without his ribs causing agonizing pain. Kit just refused.

“Go ahead, ” Jay said.

“Shouldn’t someone find Nina? ” Hud asked.

Mick guessed that Nina would be the hardest to win over. He figured it would be easier to divide and conquer, so he plunged ahead. “Listen to me, kids, ” he said. “I know I wasn’t as available as I should have been but—”

“You weren’t available at all, ” Kit reminded him.

Mick nodded. “You are right. I wasn’t there for you during things that no child should have to live through. ” This was the first time Mick had acknowledged the loss of their mother, and both Hud and Kit found it hard to look him directly in the eye as he said it. The two of them still held pockets of grief in their bodies that bubbled up at inopportune moments. Kit, particularly, grieved the way some people drink, which is to say: rarely but always alone and to excess. So she could not keep Mick’s gaze at that very moment because she did not want to cry.

But Hud found the easiest way through pain is, in fact, through it. And he let the tears fall when they came. When he thought of his mother and the despair he’d felt in those months after she was gone, those months where they waited for their father to attempt any kind of rescue … Hud could do nothing but feel it. And so he turned away for the exact opposite reason his sister did. He turned away so no one would see him tear up. And then he wiped his eyes and turned back.

Jay wasn’t looking away at all. He was listening, intently, hoping his father had something to say that might make anything better. Anything at all.

“I’ve made mistakes, ” Mick said. “And I can … I can try to explain them, and I can tell you my own problems, about the screwed-up way I was raised. But none of that matters. What matters is that I’m here now. I’d like to be a proper family. I want to make things right. ”

Mick had envisioned the possibility that upon his saying this, one of them might run into his arms and hug him tight. He had an image in his head that this would be the beginning of Sunday dinners together when he was in town, or maybe celebrating Christmas at his place in Holmby Hills.

But none of his children appeared to have budged very much yet. And so he pushed forward. “I’d like us to start over. I want to try again. ”

Hud was struck by Mick’s word choice. Try.

“Can I ask a serious question? ” Kit asked. “I’m not trying to cause trouble. I just genuinely don’t understand something. ”

“OK, ” Mick said. He had stood up and was now resting against the rocks of the cliff.

“Are you in AA? Is this part of your twelve steps or something? ” she asked. She could not quite imagine what had prompted all of this. But it might make sense to her if it was in service of something else. If he was here to make himself feel better, to tie up loose ends or something. That she could understand. “I mean, why now? You know? Why not yesterday or last year or six months ago or how about when our mother fucking died? ”

“Kit, ” Hud said. “Don’t talk like that. ”

“But our mother did die, ” Kit said. “And he left us to fend for ourselves. ”

“Kit! ” Jay said. “You asked him a question—let him answer it. ”

Mick shook his head. “No, ” he said. “I’m not in any kind of program that requires me to make amends. ”

“Then what are you after? ” Kit asked.

“I’m not after anything, ” Mick said, defensively. “Why is that so hard to believe? Why don’t my own children understand that I just want us to be a part of each other’s lives? ”

Jay spoke up. “That’s not what we’re saying, Da—”

Hud cut him off. “Kit’s just asking what’s changed. Actually I want to know, too. So I guess we’re asking, ” he said, his voice becoming softer and yet more focused, “what’s changed? ”

Before Mick could answer, Nina’s feet hit the sand.

She hadn’t heard Mick’s apology or his appeals. But she could guess what they entailed. She’d overheard the same things as a child. His talk of having lost his way and owning up to his mistakes and asking for another chance. She didn’t need to see the live show—she’d seen in it previews.

“I’ll tell you what’s changed for him. Nothing, ” Nina said.

They all turned toward her. None of them were surprised to see her. They all had more or less hoped she’d find them here. But they were a little taken aback by her sweatpants and her general demeanor. What Nina was this?

“Nothing has changed, right, Dad? ” Nina said, looking right at him.

“Hi, Nina-baby, ” Mick said, walking to her.

This was his first time seeing her up close as an adult. And he was overcome by the affection he felt for her face.

He saw himself in it—in the lips and the cheekbones and the tanned skin. But he saw June in it, too. He could see her in Nina’s eyes and her brows and nose.

He missed June. He missed her so much. He missed her roast chicken and the way she had always smiled when he walked in the door. He missed the smell of her. The way she loved to love the people around her. Her death had shocked him. He’d always imagined that he could one day come home to her. If she was still alive, he’d be with her right now. He’d have come to her tonight, maybe even sooner.

To look at Nina, as Mick did now, was to have proof that June had lived.

He moved closer to Nina, ready to hug her. But she put her hands up, stopping him. “You’re fine where you are, ” she said.

“Nina, ” Mick said, aggrieved.

Nina ignored him. “Guys, if you want to know why he’s here, it’s really simple, ” she said to her siblings. Then she redirected her attention to her father. “You’re here because you want to be, right? ” she asked him. “Because you woke up this morning and you got a wild hair up your ass to try to be a decent guy. ”

Mick flinched. “That is absolutely not—”

“Hold up, ” she said. “I’m not done. ” She continued, her voice strong and rising. “It’s awfully convenient that you’re suddenly interested in us once we’re all adults, once we no longer need anything from you. ”

“I told you that’s not—”

“I said I wasn’t done. ”

“Nina, I am your—”

“You are fucking nothing. ”

Kit’s mouth dropped and Jay’s and Hud’s eyes went wide. The three of them watched their father’s face as he moved through stages of shock. The air carried only the sounds of the crashing waves in front of them and the light cacophony of the party above.

Nina spoke again. “You are a big somebody to the world, Dad. We all know that. We live with it every goddamn day. But let’s be clear about one thing, you are not anybody’s father. ”

Kit looked at Nina, trying to catch her eye. But Nina would not break her gaze. She stared only at Mick.

It would not be her that bent and broke anymore.

Casey left the bedroom and started walking down the stairs. She was restless and didn’t know what to do with herself.

She walked past a couple making out so aggressively that she couldn’t be sure they weren’t having sex. But she was almost positive both of them were anchors on the nightly news and she resolved to never watch Channel 4 again.

When she got to the living room, she saw a group of people swinging from the chandelier like they were swashbucklers. Just as two people grabbed on and let it fly, the entire thing came off the ceiling, plaster and crystal covering the floor and the table and the heads of everyone underneath it.

There was a hole where the chandelier had been, exposing the inner frame of the house.

Casey reversed course. As she started to move through the dining room on her way to the kitchen, she noticed a vase had been shattered and two paintings had fallen off the wall.

When she finally made her way into the kitchen, she saw the floor was covered in tiny shards of chips and crackers that had been crushed under dancing feet. Empty wine bottles were rolling around on the ground. Two grown men sat on the island countertop, washing their feet in the sink.

“My editor says he thinks my manuscript could be the defining novel of the MTV Generation, ” one of them said.

As the two of them hopped off the counter and left the room, Casey got to work. She stood next to the stove, stacking empty trays, using a sponge to wipe up crumbs. Her mother had always tidied the house when she felt out of sorts. She remembered that her father had known to ask her mother what was wrong when he found her cleaning the drum of the washing machine.

The world may have taken her parents but—as cruel as it was—at least it had left her the memory of them. It did not rob her of the ability to remember Memorial Day 1980 at Dodger Stadium, when her father spilled mustard on his shirt and then laughed and squirted some on hers so he wouldn’t be the only one. It had not stolen the scent of Wind Song that her mother used to wear or how their home always smelled like Pine-Sol. It could not take away her father’s many pairs of reading glasses, left all over the house, collecting, disappearing, and reproducing.

Casey knew that, in a few years, the memories would begin to fade. She might forget whether her father had spilled mustard or ketchup. She might lose the ability to recall the exact smell of Wind Song. She might even forget about the reading glasses altogether after a while, as much as it pained her to admit it.

She knew that she could not sustain her life fueled only by the memories of those she once loved. Loss would not propel her forward. She had to go out and live. She had to find new people.

She tried to imagine her parents doing what she was doing right now, crashing a famous party in Malibu. She could not even picture it. But she understood that while the circumstances were almost unrecognizable, she did still have the instincts they’d given her. After all, when they could not have a child, they went out in search of one. They had taught her that family is found, that whether it be blood or circumstance or choice, what binds us does not matter. All that matters is that we are bound.

And that was why Casey was there. In search of family, just as her parents once had been.

Casey slowly put down the sponge, turned from the counter, and walked outside.



  

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