Northanger Abbey 16 страница

⇐ ПредыдущаяСтр 17 из 19Следующая ⇒

such as I believe them to have been. He has his vanities

as well as Miss Thorpe, and the chief difference is, that,

having a stronger head, they have not yet injured himself.

If the effect of his behaviour does not justify him with you,

we had better not seek after the cause. "

" Then you do not suppose he ever really cared about her? "

" I am persuaded that he never did. "

" And only made believe to do so for mischief`s sake? "

Henry bowed his assent.

" Well, then, I must say that I do not like him at all.

Though it has turned out so well for us, I do not like him

at all. As it happens, there is no great harm done,

because I do not think Isabella has any heart to lose.

But, suppose he had made her very much in love with him? "

" But we must first suppose Isabella to have had a heart

to lose--consequently to have been a very different creature;

and, in that case, she would have met with very different treatment. "

" It is very right that you should stand by your brother. "

" And if you would stand by yours, you would not be

much distressed by the disappointment of Miss Thorpe.

But your mind is warped by an innate principle of

general integrity, and therefore not accessible to the cool

reasonings of family partiality, or a desire of revenge. "

Catherine was complimented out of further bitterness.

Frederick could not be unpardonably guilty, while Henry

made himself so agreeable. She resolved on not answering

Isabella`s letter, and tried to think no more of it.

CHAPTER 28

Soon after this, the general found himself obliged

to go to London for a week; and he left Northanger

earnestly regretting that any necessity should rob him

even for an hour of Miss Morland`s company, and anxiously

recommending the study of her comfort and amusement

to his children as their chief object in his absence.

His departure gave Catherine the first experimental conviction

that a loss may be sometimes a gain. The happiness with

which their time now passed, every employment voluntary,

every laugh indulged, every meal a scene of ease and

good humour, walking where they liked and when they liked,

their hours, pleasures, and fatigues at their own command,

made her thoroughly sensible of the restraint which the

general`s presence had imposed, and most thankfully feel

their present release from it. Such ease and such delights

made her love the place and the people more and more

every day; and had it not been for a dread of its soon

becoming expedient to leave the one, and an apprehension

of not being equally beloved by the other, she would at

each moment of each day have been perfectly happy; but she

was now in the fourth week of her visit; before the general

came home, the fourth week would be turned, and perhaps

it might seem an intrusion if she stayed much longer.

This was a painful consideration whenever it occurred;

and eager to get rid of such a weight on her mind,

she very soon resolved to speak to Eleanor about it

at once, propose going away, and be guided in her conduct

by the manner in which her proposal might be taken.

Aware that if she gave herself much time, she might

feel it difficult to bring forward so unpleasant

a subject, she took the first opportunity of being

suddenly alone with Eleanor, and of Eleanor`s being

in the middle of a speech about something very different,

to start forth her obligation of going away very soon.

Eleanor looked and declared herself much concerned.

She had " hoped for the pleasure of her company for a much

longer time--had been misled (perhaps by her wishes)

to suppose that a much longer visit had been promised--and

could not but think that if Mr. and Mrs. Morland were

aware of the pleasure it was to her to have her there,

they would be too generous to hasten her return. "

Catherine explained: " Oh! As to that, Papa and Mamma were

in no hurry at all. As long as she was happy, they would

always be satisfied. "

" Then why, might she ask, in such a hurry herself

to leave them? "

" Oh! Because she had been there so long. "

" Nay, if you can use such a word, I can urge you

no farther. If you think it long--"

" Oh! No, I do not indeed. For my own pleasure, I could

stay with you as long again. " And it was directly settled that,

till she had, her leaving them was not even to be thought of.

In having this cause of uneasiness so pleasantly removed,

the force of the other was likewise weakened. The kindness,

the earnestness of Eleanor`s manner in pressing her to stay,

and Henry`s gratified look on being told that her stay

was determined, were such sweet proofs of her importance

with them, as left her only just so much solicitude

as the human mind can never do comfortably without.

She did--almost always--believe that Henry loved her,

and quite always that his father and sister loved and

even wished her to belong to them; and believing so far,

her doubts and anxieties were merely sportive irritations.

Henry was not able to obey his father`s injunction of

remaining wholly at Northanger in attendance on the ladies,

during his absence in London, the engagements of his curate

at Woodston obliging him to leave them on Saturday for a

couple of nights. His loss was not now what it had been

while the general was at home; it lessened their gaiety,

but did not ruin their comfort; and the two girls agreeing

in occupation, and improving in intimacy, found themselves

so well sufficient for the time to themselves, that it was

eleven o`clock, rather a late hour at the abbey, before they

quitted the supper-room on the day of Henry`s departure.

They had just reached the head of the stairs when it seemed,

as far as the thickness of the walls would allow them

to judge, that a carriage was driving up to the door,

and the next moment confirmed the idea by the loud noise

of the house-bell. After the first perturbation of surprise

had passed away, in a " Good heaven! What can be the matter? "

it was quickly decided by Eleanor to be her eldest brother,

whose arrival was often as sudden, if not quite so unseasonable,

and accordingly she hurried down to welcome him.

Catherine walked on to her chamber, making up her

mind as well as she could, to a further acquaintance with

Captain Tilney, and comforting herself under the unpleasant

impression his conduct had given her, and the persuasion

of his being by far too fine a gentleman to approve of her,

that at least they should not meet under such circumstances

as would make their meeting materially painful.

She trusted he would never speak of Miss Thorpe;

and indeed, as he must by this time be ashamed of the

part he had acted, there could be no danger of it;

and as long as all mention of Bath scenes were avoided,

she thought she could behave to him very civilly.

In such considerations time passed away, and it was certainly

in his favour that Eleanor should be so glad to see him,

and have so much to say, for half an hour was almost

gone since his arrival, and Eleanor did not come up.

At that moment Catherine thought she heard her

step in the gallery, and listened for its continuance;

but all was silent. Scarcely, however, had she convicted

her fancy of error, when the noise of something moving

close to her door made her start; it seemed as if someone

was touching the very doorway--and in another moment

a slight motion of the lock proved that some hand must

be on it. She trembled a little at the idea of anyone`s

approaching so cautiously; but resolving not to be again

overcome by trivial appearances of alarm, or misled

by a raised imagination, she stepped quietly forward,

and opened the door. Eleanor, and only Eleanor, stood there.

Catherine`s spirits, however, were tranquillized but for

an instant, for Eleanor`s cheeks were pale, and her manner

greatly agitated. Though evidently intending to come in,

it seemed an effort to enter the room, and a still

greater to speak when there. Catherine, supposing some

uneasiness on Captain Tilney`s account, could only

express her concern by silent attention, obliged her

to be seated, rubbed her temples with lavender-water,

and hung over her with affectionate solicitude.

" My dear Catherine, you must not--you must not indeed--"

were Eleanor`s first connected words. " I am quite well.

This kindness distracts me--I cannot bear it--I come

to you on such an errand! "

" Errand! To me! "

" How shall I tell you! Oh! How shall I tell you! "

A new idea now darted into Catherine`s mind,

and turning as pale as her friend, she exclaimed,

" `Tis a messenger from Woodston! "

" You are mistaken, indeed, " returned Eleanor, looking at

her most compassionately; " it is no one from Woodston.

It is my father himself. " Her voice faltered, and her eyes

were turned to the ground as she mentioned his name.

His unlooked-for return was enough in itself to make

Catherine`s heart sink, and for a few moments she

hardly supposed there were anything worse to be told.

She said nothing; and Eleanor, endeavouring to collect

herself and speak with firmness, but with eyes still

cast down, soon went on. " You are too good, I am sure,

to think the worse of me for the part I am obliged

to perform. I am indeed a most unwilling messenger.

After what has so lately passed, so lately been

settled between us--how joyfully, how thankfully on my

side! --as to your continuing here as I hoped for many,

many weeks longer, how can I tell you that your kindness

is not to be accepted--and that the happiness your

company has hitherto given us is to be repaid by-- But

I must not trust myself with words. My dear Catherine,

we are to part. My father has recollected an engagement

that takes our whole family away on Monday. We are going

to Lord Longtown`s, near Hereford, for a fortnight.

Explanation and apology are equally impossible. I cannot

attempt either. "

" My dear Eleanor, " cried Catherine, suppressing her

feelings as well as she could, " do not be so distressed.

A second engagement must give way to a first. I am very,

very sorry we are to part--so soon, and so suddenly too;

but I am not offended, indeed I am not. I can finish my

visit here, you know, at any time; or I hope you will come

to me. Can you, when you return from this lord`s, come

to Fullerton? "

" It will not be in my power, Catherine. "

" Come when you can, then. "

Eleanor made no answer; and Catherine`s thoughts

recurring to something more directly interesting,

she added, thinkng aloud, " Monday--so soon as Monday;

and you all go. Well, I am certain of-- I shall be able

to take leave, however. I need not go till just before

you do, you know. Do not be distressed, Eleanor, I can

go on Monday very well. My father and mother`s having

no notice of it is of very little consequence.

The general will send a servant with me, I dare say,

half the way--and then I shall soon be at Salisbury,

and then I am only nine miles from home. "

" Ah, Catherine! Were it settled so, it would be

somewhat less intolerable, though in such common attentions

you would have received but half what you ought.

But--how can I tell you? --tomorrow morning is fixed for your

leaving us, and not even the hour is left to your choice;

the very carriage is ordered, and will be here at seven

o`clock, and no servant will be offered you. "

Catherine sat down, breathless and speechless.

" I could hardly believe my senses, when I heard it;

and no displeasure, no resentment that you can feel at

this moment, however justly great, can be more than I

myself--but I must not talk of what I felt. Oh! That I

could suggest anything in extenuation! Good God! What

will your father and mother say! After courting you from

the protection of real friends to this--almost double

distance from your home, to have you driven out of the house,

without the considerations even of decent civility! Dear,

dear Catherine, in being the bearer of such a message,

I seem guilty myself of all its insult; yet, I trust you

will acquit me, for you must have been long enough in this

house to see that I am but a nominal mistress of it,

that my real power is nothing. "

" Have I offended the general? " said Catherine

in a faltering voice.

" Alas! For my feelings as a daughter, all that I know,

all that I answer for, is that you can have given him

no just cause of offence. He certainly is greatly,

very greatly discomposed; I have seldom seen him more so.

His temper is not happy, and something has now occurred

to ruffle it in an uncommon degree; some disappointment,

some vexation, which just at this moment seems important,

but which I can hardly suppose you to have any concern in,

for how is it possible? "

It was with pain that Catherine could speak at all;

and it was only for Eleanor`s sake that she attempted it.

" I am sure, " said she, " I am very sorry if I have offended him.

It was the last thing I would willingly have done.

But do not be unhappy, Eleanor. An engagement, you know,

must be kept. I am only sorry it was not recollected sooner,

that I might have written home. But it is of very

little consequence. "

" I hope, I earnestly hope, that to your real safety it

will be of none; but to everything else it is of the greatest

consequence: to comfort, appearance, propriety, to your family,

to the world. Were your friends, the Allens, still in Bath,

you might go to them with comparative ease; a few hours

would take you there; but a journey of seventy miles,

to be taken post by you, at your age, alone, unattended! "

" Oh, the journey is nothing. Do not think about that.

And if we are to part, a few hours sooner or later,

you know, makes no difference. I can be ready by seven.

Let me be called in time. " Eleanor saw that she wished

to be alone; and believing it better for each that they

should avoid any further conversation, now left her with,

" I shall see you in the morning. "

Catherine`s swelling heart needed relief.

In Eleanor`s presence friendship and pride had equally

restrained her tears, but no sooner was she gone than

they burst forth in torrents. Turned from the house,

and in such a way! Without any reason that could justify,

any apology that could atone for the abruptness,

the rudeness, nay, the insolence of it. Henry at a

distance--not able even to bid him farewell. Every hope,

every expectation from him suspended, at least, and who could

say how long? Who could say when they might meet again?

And all this by such a man as General Tilney, so polite,

so well bred, and heretofore so particularly fond of her! It

was as incomprehensible as it was mortifying and grievous.

From what it could arise, and where it would end,

were considerations of equal perplexity and alarm.

The manner in which it was done so grossly uncivil,

hurrying her away without any reference to her own convenience,

or allowing her even the appearance of choice as to the time

or mode of her travelling; of two days, the earliest fixed on,

and of that almost the earliest hour, as if resolved

to have her gone before he was stirring in the morning,

that he might not be obliged even to see her. What could

all this mean but an intentional affront? By some means

or other she must have had the misfortune to offend him.

Eleanor had wished to spare her from so painful a notion,

but Catherine could not believe it possible that any injury

or any misfortune could provoke such ill will against

a person not connected, or, at least, not supposed to be

connected with it.

Heavily passed the night. Sleep, or repose that

deserved the name of sleep, was out of the question.

That room, in which her disturbed imagination had tormented

her on her first arrival, was again the scene of agitated

spirits and unquiet slumbers. Yet how different now the

source of her inquietude from what it had been then--how

mournfully superior in reality and substance! Her anxiety

had foundation in fact, her fears in probability;

and with a mind so occupied in the contemplation of

actual and natural evil, the solitude of her situation,

the darkness of her chamber, the antiquity of the building,

were felt and considered without the smallest emotion;

and though the wind was high, and often produced strange

and sudden noises throughout the house, she heard it

all as she lay awake, hour after hour, without curiosity

or terror.

Soon after six Eleanor entered her room, eager to show

attention or give assistance where it was possible; but very

little remained to be done. Catherine had not loitered;

she was almost dressed, and her packing almost finished.

The possibility of some conciliatory message from

the general occurred to her as his daughter appeared.

What so natural, as that anger should pass away and

repentance succeed it? And she only wanted to know how far,

after what had passed, an apology might properly be received

by her. But the knowledge would have been useless here;

it was not called for; neither clemency nor dignity

was put to the trial--Eleanor brought no message.

Very little passed between them on meeting; each found

her greatest safety in silence, and few and trivial were

the sentences exchanged while they remained upstairs,

Catherine in busy agitation completing her dress,

and Eleanor with more goodwill than experience intent upon

filling the trunk. When everything was done they left

the room, Catherine lingering only half a minute behind

her friend to throw a parting glance on every well-known,

cherished object, and went down to the breakfast-parlour,

where breakfast was prepared. She tried to eat, as well

to save herself from the pain of being urged as to make

her friend comfortable; but she had no appetite, and could

not swallow many mouthfuls. The contrast between this

and her last breakfast in that room gave her fresh misery,

and strengthened her distaste for everything before her.

It was not four and twenty hours ago since they had

met there to the same repast, but in circumstances

how different! With what cheerful ease, what happy,

though false, security, had she then looked around her,

enjoying everything present, and fearing little in future,

beyond Henry`s going to Woodston for a day! Happy,

happy breakfast! For Henry had been there; Henry had sat

by her and helped her. These reflections were long

indulged undisturbed by any address from her companion,

who sat as deep in thought as herself; and the appearance

of the carriage was the first thing to startle and recall

them to the present moment. Catherine`s colour rose at the

sight of it; and the indignity with which she was treated,

striking at that instant on her mind with peculiar force,

made her for a short time sensible only of resentment.

Eleanor seemed now impelled into resolution and speech.

" You must write to me, Catherine, " she cried;

" you must let me hear from you as soon as possible.

Till I know you to be safe at home, I shall not have

an hour`s comfort. For one letter, at all risks,

all hazards, I must entreat. Let me have the satisfaction

of knowing that you are safe at Fullerton, and have found

your family well, and then, till I can ask for your

correspondence as I ought to do, I will not expect more.

Direct to me at Lord Longtown`s, and, I must ask it,

under cover to Alice. "

" No, Eleanor, if you are not allowed to receive

a letter from me, I am sure I had better not write.

There can be no doubt of my getting home safe. "

Eleanor only replied, " I cannot wonder at your feelings.

I will not importune you. I will trust to your own kindness

of heart when I am at a distance from you. " But this,

with the look of sorrow accompanying it, was enough to melt

Catherine`s pride in a moment, and she instantly said,

" Oh, Eleanor, I will write to you indeed. "

There was yet another point which Miss Tilney was anxious

to settle, though somewhat embarrassed in speaking of.

It had occurred to her that after so long an absence from home,

Catherine might not be provided with money enough for the

expenses of her journey, and, upon suggesting it to her

with most affectionate offers of accommodation, it proved

to be exactly the case. Catherine had never thought on

the subject till that moment, but, upon examining her purse,

was convinced that but for this kindness of her friend,

she might have been turned from the house without even

the means of getting home; and the distress in which she

must have been thereby involved filling the minds of both,

scarcely another word was said by either during the time

of their remaining together. Short, however, was that time.

The carriage was soon announced to be ready; and Catherine,

instantly rising, a long and affectionate embrace supplied

the place of language in bidding each other adieu;

and, as they entered the hall, unable to leave the house

without some mention of one whose name had not yet been

spoken by either, she paused a moment, and with quivering

lips just made it intelligible that she left " her kind

remembrance for her absent friend. " But with this

approach to his name ended all possibility of restraining

her feelings; and, hiding her face as well as she could

with her handkerchief, she darted across the hall,

jumped into the chaise, and in a moment was driven from the door.

CHAPTER 29

Catherine was too wretched to be fearful. The journey

in itself had no terrors for her; and she began it without

either dreading its length or feeling its solitariness.

Leaning back in one comer of the carriage, in a violent

burst of tears, she was conveyed some miles beyond

the walls of the abbey before she raised her head;

and the highest point of ground within the park was almost

closed from her view before she was capable of turning

her eyes towards it. Unfortunately, the road she now

travelled was the same which only ten days ago she had

so happily passed along in going to and from Woodston;

and, for fourteen miles, every bitter feeling was rendered

more severe by the review of objects on which she had

first looked under impressions so different. Every mile,

as it brought her nearer Woodston, added to her sufferings,

and when within the distance of five, she passed the

turning which led to it, and thought of Henry, so near,

yet so unconscious, her grief and agitation were excessive.

The day which she had spent at that place had

been one of the happiest of her life. It was there,

it was on that day, that the general had made use of such

expressions with regard to Henry and herself, had so spoken

and so looked as to give her the most positive conviction

of his actually wishing their marriage. Yes, only ten

days ago had he elated her by his pointed regard--had he

even confused her by his too significant reference! And

now--what had she done, or what had she omitted to do,

to merit such a change?

The only offence against him of which she could accuse

herself had been such as was scarcely possible to reach

his knowledge. Henry and her own heart only were privy

to the shocking suspicions which she had so idly entertained;

and equally safe did she believe her secret with each.

Designedly, at least, Henry could not have betrayed her.

If, indeed, by any strange mischance his father should have

gained intelligence of what she had dared to think and look for,

of her causeless fancies and injurious examinations,

she could not wonder at any degree of his indignation.

If aware of her having viewed him as a murderer, she could

not wonder at his even turning her from his house.

But a justification so full of torture to herself,

she trusted, would not be in his power.

Anxious as were all her conjectures on this point,

it was not, however, the one on which she dwelt most.

There was a thought yet nearer, a more prevailing,

more impetuous concern. How Henry would think, and feel,

and look, when he returned on the morrow to Northanger

and heard of her being gone, was a question of force and

interest to rise over every other, to be never ceasing,

alternately irritating and soothing; it sometimes suggested

the dread of his calm acquiescence, and at others was answered

by the sweetest confidence in his regret and resentment.

To the general, of course, he would not dare to speak;

but to Eleanor--what might he not say to Eleanor about

her?

In this unceasing recurrence of doubts and inquiries,

on any one article of which her mind was incapable of more

than momentary repose, the hours passed away, and her journey

advanced much faster than she looked for. The pressing

anxieties of thought, which prevented her from noticing

anything before her, when once beyond the neighbourhood

of Woodston, saved her at the same time from watching

her progress; and though no object on the road could engage

a moment`s attention, she found no stage of it tedious.

From this, she was preserved too by another cause,

by feeling no eagerness for her journey`s conclusion;

for to return in such a manner to Fullerton was almost

to destroy the pleasure of a meeting with those she

loved best, even after an absence such as hers--an

eleven weeks` absence. What had she to say that would

not humble herself and pain her family, that would not

increase her own grief by the confession of it, extend an

useless resentment, and perhaps involve the innocent

with the guilty in undistinguishing ill will? She could

never do justice to Henry and Eleanor`s merit; she felt it

too strongly for expression; and should a dislike be taken

⇐ Предыдущая 10 11 12 13 14 15 161718 19 Следующая ⇒