CHAPTER TEN

Connie looked up when we walked in. “Oh boy, ” she said, eyeing Lula’s hair.

“We had an incident, ” Lula said. “Are there any of those donuts left? I lost mine. ”

Connie moved the donut box to the edge of her desk. “Help yourself. ”

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna take the box and go home, ” Lula said. “I’ve had an upsetting day. ”

Lula left and I slouched in the chair in front of Connie’s desk. “This was bad, ” I said. “We blew up the Margo. I guess technically Lou Salgusta blew it up. ”

“When you say you blew it up… exactly what does that mean? ”

“Explosion. Smoke. Fire. Big crater where the Margo used to be. ”

“Wow. And Salgusta? ”

“Don’t know. I’m hoping for the worst. ”

“Was anyone hurt? ”

“No. Not seriously. A bunch of people got a contact high from the weed burning and one of the customers slipped going down the stairs and cracked his head. ”

Connie’s attention shifted to the door. “Uh oh, ” she said. “Morelli’s here, and he doesn’t look happy. ”

I’d been dreading this. The Margo fiasco wasn’t going to help smooth things over with us. If anything, it was going to reinforce his position that I was a nut case. Morelli started out as a wild kid and turned into a more or less sane adult. I started out as a more or less normal kid and lately I’ve become a walking disaster.

I gave up a sigh and turned in my seat. “Hey, ” I said to Morelli.

He crooked his finger at me. “I’d like to see you outside. ”

I did an eye-roll at Connie and joined Morelli on the sidewalk. If you dressed Morelli up in a suit, he looked like a gangster. If he was undercover and required to wear khakis, he looked ridiculous. Today he was wearing his usual outfit of black running shoes, dark jeans, a blue button-down shirt, and a black blazer. Today he was hot cop. He was lean and muscled, with black wavy hair, a constant five o’clock shadow, and testosterone to spare. His father was an abusive, womanizing drunk. His grandmother is batshit crazy. Morelli is none of those things. Morelli is a good cop, and until recently he’d been a good boyfriend.

“I just came from what’s left of the Margo, ” Morelli said. “I was told I missed you by a couple minutes. ”

I leaned into him a little. “You smell smoky, ” I said.

“I smell like burnt weed. Do you want to explain this to me? ”

I shook my head. “No. ”

“Do it anyway, ” Morelli said.

“I was pretty sure that Charlie Shine’s car was parked by the Margo, so…”

Morelli went to his eyes-narrowed cop face. Never a good sign.

“If you want me to keep going, you’re going to have to get rid of the scary cop face, ” I said.

“Not gonna happen, ” Morelli said. “Keep going anyway. ”

I went to my own eyes-narrowed, don’t-mess-with-me face. “Fine, ” I said. “Whatever. Lula and I went to the Margo to check things out. We opened the basement door and heard someone singing the Hi Ho Hi Ho song. ”

“What’s the Hi Ho Hi Ho song? ”

“The Seven Dwarfs song. ”

I sang the song for him and he cracked a smile. When Morelli smiled it was like puppies and fresh-baked, warm chocolate chip cookies. His brown eyes got soft and dark, and I wanted to snuggle into him. The snuggle was usually followed by the desire to undress him. All things considered, this wasn’t appropriate at the present time and place, so I kept my distance and told myself to get a grip.

“We went down to investigate, and it turned out it was Lou Salgusta singing, ” I said. “He got carried away when he saw Lula and me and accidentally set about six bales of weed on fire. The bales were next to some crates labeled EXPLOSIVES, and that was the end of the Margo. ”

“You’re lucky it wasn’t the end of you. ”

“We were already on our way out when the first explosion went off. Are you assigned to investigate the fire? ”

“I’m investigating a homicide that took place at the Margo last week. I wanted to make sure the two incidents were unrelated. ”

“And? ”

“Now that I’ve spoken to you, I don’t see a connection, ” Morelli said.

“Always happy to help the police. ”

“If you wanted to help the police, you’d give up this crazy treasure hunt and give the keys to Benny. ”

“If the police want to help me, they’d get Salgusta off the streets. Keys, or no keys, he’s convinced Grandma has information that he needs to access the treasure. ”

“And? ”

“And she doesn’t have that information. It wasn’t passed on to her. ”

“Any more bad news? ”

“I’m all out of Frosted Flakes. ”

“Tragic, ” Morelli said.

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. ”

“Your intentions are good but misdirected, ” he said. “You aren’t helping. You’re meddling. You’re making things more difficult for the professionals. ”

“That’s absolutely not true. I’m not meddling in police affairs. I’m pursuing my own investigation, and there is still an outstanding bond on Shine. ”

“Okay, let me put it another way. You’re making things more difficult for me. I’m at my desk in the middle of paperwork and I get a call from dispatch that the Margo blew up and you were seen jumping out of a window. ”

“It was more of a short drop, ” I said. “Still it’s nice to know you were worried about me. ”

“Worried doesn’t cover it, ” Morelli said. “Mostly, I was really pissed off that I was so freaking worried. ”

His phone buzzed and he went into cop mode. “I have to go. Gang shooting in the projects. This is going to be a long day. ”

“Do you want me to walk Bob? ”

“No. ” He took a moment to stare down at his shoe. “Yes, ” he said. “Thanks. I won’t get home anytime soon. And besides, he misses you. ”

“I miss him, too, ” I said.

Morelli looked like he was going in for a kiss. He stopped himself midway and gave his head a shake like he thought he was an idiot. I understood this completely because I thought we were both idiots.

I watched him drive away and I returned to the office.

“I sent you a picture of the white Kia parked by the Margo, ” I said to Connie. “The manager said he hadn’t seen Shine, but it would be easy for Shine to walk through the lobby to the cellar door and not be noticed. ”

“And the tunnel entrance would be in the cellar, ” Connie said.

“Probably in the area where Salgusta was working. Unfortunately, that lead is now a dead end. Were you able to run the Kia plate? ”

“It’s a rental. Rented to Lester March. Bogus address and driver’s license with Shine’s picture on it. ”

“I don’t suppose you have anything else for me? ”

“No, but I’ll keep digging, ” Connie said.

I left the office and drove past Rodney Trotter’s house. His van wasn’t parked at the curb, so I kept going. He was undoubtedly trolling neighborhoods, looking for women who wanted bigger butts, keeping an eye out for roadkill he could take home and stuff.

I gave up on Trotter and went to Morelli’s house. It was within minutes of my parents’ house, in a very similar neighborhood. The layout of the house was almost identical to my parents’ house. He’d inherited the house from his Aunt Ruth, and he was gradually making it his own, modernizing the kitchen and swapping out Ruth’s dining room furniture with a billiards table.

I opened the front door and Bob galloped the length of the house and slammed into me. He was a big, shaggy, orange-haired beast with soft brown eyes that were a half-shade lighter than Morelli’s. I gave him a hug and told him he was a good boy.

“So here I am, back again, ” I said to him. “Right now, it’s just to take you for a walk, but then we’ll see how it goes. ”

I checked out the living room. It was way too neat. No pizza boxes or empty soda cans on the coffee table. No shoes that had obviously been kicked off under the coffee table.

“What’s with this neat house thing? ” I asked Bob. “And look at you. Have you been to a groomer? You’re all fluffy and you don’t smell like a dog. ”

I marched into the kitchen. No dirty dishes in the sink. No coffee cup rings on the counter. Not that Morelli was a complete slob, but he wasn’t Felix from The Odd Couple, either. I looked in his fridge. No fresh lasagna from his mom, so she hadn’t stopped in to clean his house. And then I saw it. A bottle of Chardonnay. There was only one explanation. The son of a bitch had a new girlfriend. And she was a Chardonnay drinker. Ick! Gross.

“And he’s got you all spiffed up for her, ” I said to Bob. “That’s so disgusting. ”

I was being indignant in front of Bob, but the truth is my stomach was in a knot and I had an ache in my chest. Morelli and I split up and I knew there was no reason why he shouldn’t see other women. That didn’t make it any less painful. Especially when I’d just gotten all gooey over his smile.

I hooked Bob up to his leash and walked him up and down a bunch of streets. I brought him back to Morelli’s house, gave him some dog kibble and fresh water, and left. Good deed well done.

I drove home on autopilot, surprised when I ended up in my parking lot. I took the elevator to the second floor, the doors opened, and I saw George Potts, aka the Pooper, sitting on the floor in front of my apartment. I closed my eyes for a moment and wondered if life could get any worse. Of course, it could get worse, I told myself. You could get run over by a truck, or catch the plague, or get head lice.

Potts jumped up when he saw me in the hall. “Surprise, ” he said. “Are you surprised? I saw your picture on social. The one with you jumping out of the window of the burning hotel. It went viral. You’re famous. Anyway, I got worried about you, so I thought I’d come be like, you know, a bodyguard. ”

“I didn’t jump. I dropped, ” I said. “And it’s nice that you were worried about me, but I’m really in no danger. ”

“That’s not what social is saying. ” He leaned forward and sniffed. “You smell smoky… like weed. ”

I unlocked my door and stepped inside. “Thanks for stopping by, ” I said. “Don’t forget you have a court date coming up. ”

Potts opened his mouth to say something, and I closed and locked the door before he uttered a word.

I waited a minute and looked out my security peephole. He was still there, staring at my door as if it would open at any minute and he’d be invited in. Don’t encourage him, I told myself. Eventually he’ll go away.

I stripped, threw my smoky clothes in the laundry basket, and took a shower. I dried my hair, got dressed in new clothes, and went to my front door. I looked out the peephole and I didn’t see Potts. Hooray. I put my ear to the door and listened. Someone was humming. Dear God, Potts was still there, sitting with his back to the door, in my peephole blind spot.

I made myself a peanut butter and potato chip sandwich for dinner. Rex came out of his soup can den to get a potato chip and I told him not to worry about Potts.

“I’m almost positive he’s harmless, ” I said to Rex.

I called Lula and made arrangements to pick her up at her house at seven thirty.

“That’s a good time, ” Lula said. “Some of the ladies start work early to service the geriatric losers who need to be home in bed by nine o’clock. ”

I checked my email and spent some time rereading the file I had on Charlie Shine, hoping I’d missed something that resembled a clue. At seven o’clock I stopped reading, grabbed my messenger bag and a sweatshirt, and went to the door. I made a fast promise to God that I’d go to church if I opened the door and Potts wasn’t there. I looked out my peephole and saw Potts. He was marching back and forth in front of my door.

“You can kiss that promise good-bye, ” I said to God.

I opened my door and Potts stopped marching.

“Now what? ” he asked.

“Now I go to work and you go home. ”

“No way, ” he said. “I’m sticking to you like glue. I’ve made up my mind. You saved my life by putting up my bond and now I have to save yours. ”

“I didn’t save your life, ” I said. “You would have managed. ”

“No, no, no. I would have died. I had a premonition. Did I tell you I get premonitions? It’s a curse. They’re always terrible. ”

“Do they come true? ”

“I don’t know, they’re usually about people in Slovenia. ”

“Do you have relatives there? Do you know anyone there? ”

“No. That’s why it’s so odd. Sometimes my premonitions are local and then I just avoid the situation. Like once I had a premonition that I was going to get run over by a clown on a motorcycle, so I stayed home, and it didn’t happen. ”

“Smart. ”

“Yeah. So, where are we going? Are we going out after some real bad guy? Like a murderer? ”

I locked my door and headed for the stairs. “Just doing some research. ”

“I’m good at research. I’m like a Google pro. ”

My plan was to take the stairs fast, sprint across the lot to my car, get in, and lock the doors before he could reach me. I was halfway down the stairs when he suddenly catapulted past me and rolled head over teakettles to the bottom.

He was flat out, on his back with his eyes open and unblinking.

“Holy crap, ” I said. “Are you okay? ”

“I think I’m okay, ” he said. “I need a minute. Do you see any bones sticking out like they’re broken? Do you see any blood? ”

“No. ”

“I can wiggle my toes in my shoes, so I’m not paralyzed. And look, I can move my fingers. ”

“Those are all good signs, ” I said. “I have to go now. I’m meeting someone. ”

“What about my head? ” he asked. “Did I hit my head? ”

“Yeah, lots of times. All the way down. ”

“I could have a concussion. ”

He stood and swayed back and forth. “Am I swaying? ” he asked.

“Yes. ”

“That’s good because I’m trying to sway. ”

I looked around. “Do you have a car here? ”

“No. I had my friend Morgan drop me off. I thought I’d be going in your car, being that I’m protecting you. ”

“Wrong. ”

“Here, look at this. I’m walking. And I’m talking. I was afraid I might black out. I did that once at the dentist office. And while I was out, I peed my pants. ”

“You aren’t going to do that now, are you? ”

“I don’t think so, but I might be a little dizzy. I’ll feel better when I get to your car and I can sit down. ”

I was doomed. I was never going to be rid of him. This is what happens when you try to be nice. You find out your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend and you get stuck with George Potts.

“Get into the backseat, ” I said. “I’ll drive you home. ”

“You can’t do that. I’m supposed to be with you. I took an oath. ”

I looked at him in my rearview mirror. “An oath? ”

“Yes. An oath to protect you. It was a blood oath, too. I stuck my finger with a pin and swore to protect you. ” He shivered. “Bad things happen to you if you break an oath. ”

“I really don’t need protecting, ” I said.

“Of course, you need protecting. Social media says you’re a hot mess. Who are you meeting? I know it isn’t a date because you said you were going to work. It might be awkward to bring me along on a date, but I could be useful on a work assignment. I have excellent powers of observation. And besides, I won’t get out of your car if you take me home. I’ll kick and scream until I have an asthma attack. Did I mention I sometimes have asthma attacks? ”

No surprise there. Why leave out asthma from his many ailments.

“Okay. Fine. Have it your way. I’ll take you with me, but you have to not move from the backseat, and no talking. ”

“No problem. My lips are sealed. Look what I’m doing. I’m zipping my lips. Zip! Did you see that? Did you see me zip my lips? ”

I told myself to relax my grip on the wheel and stay calm. Lula and I would cruise Stark Street, talk to a couple of women about Shine, and go home. Easy peasy.

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