CHAPTER TWELVE

I was dragged out of sleep by the sound of the shower running. The bedroom was dark. My cell phone read 5: 00 a. m. I fell back asleep and when I woke up it was twenty-five minutes later, and I could hear Ranger moving around the room. I switched the bedside light on and saw that he was already dressed. Usually Ranger wore the same cargo pants and Rangeman logo shirt that the rest of the men wore. He was in a suit today. Black and custom tailored. Black dress shirt. Black striped tie.

“Nice, ” I said. “Sexy in a successful-businessman sort of way. ”

“New corporate client meeting this morning. Don’t think he’d be happy if I came dressed ready for a SWAT ambush. ” He strapped his watch on. “Stay as long as you like. Ella will bring your breakfast up at eight o’clock. If you want it sooner, you can call her. Rafael will pick your car up this morning and leave it in the garage for you. Try not to jump out of any windows today. ”

“Dropped! I dropped out of the window. ”

I rolled out of bed at seven thirty and shuffled off to take a shower. This is an experience second only to being in Ranger’s bed. The tiles are gleaming white, his showerhead is perfect and not encrusted with lime, and he has unlimited hot water. And the best part is that Ella makes sure he’s supplied with Bulgari green shower gel and shampoo. I’ve never gotten a full-on orgasm just from smelling Bulgari green, but I’ve had some decent rushes. The scent evaporates almost immediately on me but mysteriously clings to Ranger. This explains the reason for the rush.

My hair was still damp when I went in search of breakfast. Ella had obviously tiptoed in when I was in the shower because the tray was already on the kitchen counter. Coffee, cream, and croissants with jam. Plus, smoked salmon with a dollop of caviar and crè me fraî che, if I was in need of protein. Some toast points for the salmon. Assorted fresh fruit. No Frosted Flakes.

I planned my day while I ate. I would make a fast stop at my apartment to check on Rex and change clothes. Then I’d give Connie the information about the car and have her feed it to her network of gossips and snoops. There were two open FTAs and there was Grandma and the treasure. I was getting nowhere fast on all this stuff, but as Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try. ” So, I was all about the do today.

It was almost nine o’clock when I left Ranger’s apartment. I took the elevator to the garage and found my car. It had been detailed and the keys on the dash were attached to a Rangeman key fob. I looked into the security camera pointed at me and said, “Thank you. ”

I rolled into my building’s parking lot a half hour later. I took the stairs and found Potts, sound asleep, stretched out in a sleeping bag in front of my apartment door. I carefully inserted my key, opened my door, and stepped over Potts. I closed and locked the door and looked out my peephole. Couldn’t see Potts. That meant he was still asleep on the floor. Yay.

I changed my clothes, pulled my hair up into a ponytail, and gave Rex a piece of croissant from breakfast.

Potts was still asleep when I opened my door to leave. I stepped over him again, closed and locked the door, and sprinted down the hall to the stairs. I got to the stairs and looked back at him. He hadn’t moved. Crap! What if he was dead? I watched him for a minute and saw him move. Okay! Not dead.

Lula was surfing the net on her phone when I walked into the office. Connie was reading a Nora Roberts page-turner.

“What’s new? ” I asked.

“I have a positive ID on the dead hooker for you, ” Connie said. “No surprise. Alice Smuther. AKA Patches. ”

“I did some research last night, ” I said. “She owned a gray Range Rover. ” I handed Connie a slip of paper. “Here’s the plate number. Pass it on to your network of snitches. ”

“You think Shine killed her and took her car? ” Lula said. “That’s not smart to be driving around in someone’s car after you drill two holes in them. ”

“People aren’t always smart, ” I said. “Shine has gotten away with a lot of horrible things. I suspect he feels above the law after all these years. ”

Charlie Shine was the La-Z-Boy dandy. He wore flashy jewelry, drove flashy cars, and enjoyed abusing beautiful young women. He was a ruthless killer who left his calling card of a bullet in the forehead and another in the chest. In his prime, he supplemented his wet work business with a variety of illegal activities, including but not limited to white slavery, gaming, pushing drugs, and extortion. He was frequently charged with crimes but never convicted. Witnesses always recanted or disappeared. Evidence vanished.

“What do you want to do? Do you want to ride around and look for him? ” Lula asked.

“No. I want to see if Trotter is home. I have a responsibility to Vinnie to bring him in, and I need the capture money. We can keep our eyes open for the gray Range Rover on our way across town. ”

“I guess I’m game for that, ” Lula said. “Maybe we can lure Trotter into your car with the promise of roadkill. We can tell him we saw a nice bloated dead possum on the side of the road, and he can have it if he comes with us. In case that doesn’t work, we should take the giant can of bear Mace we got in the back room. ”

I hiked my messenger bag higher on my shoulder and headed for the door. “I’m hoping he’ll be more reasonable before lunch. ”

“What about breakfast? You think he doesn’t drink breakfast? ”

“Maybe, but I have a new attitude. I’m going to be the ball-breaker I want to be. ”

“Who said that? ” Lula asked. “Was that AC/DC? They had a lot of songs about balls. ”

“I don’t know. It just popped into my head. ”

“I noticed you got a bunch of those things popping into your head lately. Motivational sayings. We should choose one and make business cards. Like how about Stephanie and Lula, Apprehension Agents. We do epic shit. ”

I liked it. Might not be accurate but it was something to work toward.

Lula followed me out and pulled up when she saw my car. “Hold on. Your car is clean. It’s all shiny and the inside looks clean, too. There’s something wrong here. Your car is never clean. It wasn’t clean when I drove it home. ”

I got behind the wheel. “It’s clean sometimes. ”

“It wasn’t even clean when you bought it. ”

She buckled in, leaned close to me, and sniffed. “Ah hah! I know that smell. That smell is delicious. You smell like Ranger. Holy cow, you spent the night with Ranger, didn’t you? And that’s why one of his muscle men picked your car up this morning. And they got it detailed! Girlfriend, you must have done something special for that man last night. ”

I pulled out into traffic. “I called him to give me a ride home from the crime scene. ”

“See, now that’s an invitation. ”

“It wasn’t an invitation. I needed a ride. ”

“You could have called Morelli. ”

“We aren’t a couple anymore. ”

“Yeah, but you’re friends. And you know you’re going to be a couple again. You break up and get back together all the time. You been doing it since you were five years old. ”

“This is different. He has a girlfriend. ”

“Already? That’s just wrong. ”

“Exactly! ”

“Everybody knows there’s a period of time to be observed, ” Lula said. “It’s common courtesy. How do you know about this? ”

“He had to work late, so I offered to walk Bob. ”

“Now that was real nice of you. No reason Bob should suffer because you and Morelli aren’t getting along. ”

“Anyway, I let myself in and I immediately knew something was going on because the house was clean. ”

“Like how clean? ”

“Really clean. ”

“Maybe his mama came and cleaned up. ”

“That was my first thought, but when I went into the kitchen and looked in the fridge there was no Mama Morelli food there. No lasagna. No vodka rigatoni. No ricotta cake. And here’s the clincher. ” I paused for effect. “He had Chardonnay chilling in his fridge. ”

“What? Are you shitting me? Chardonnay? Morelli isn’t no Chardonnay drinker. ”

“I think it must have been in there for his girlfriend. ”

“The bitch. I bet she’s a blonde, too. ”

“Yes! And thin. ”

“Chardonnay drinkers are always skinny blondes, ” Lula said. “With fake boobs. Not that I would want to talk bad about someone wanting to enhance their body. Just sayin’. ”

“You drink Chardonnay. ”

“Yeah, but I don’t like it. I just like the way it sounds… I’ll have a Chardonnay. Someday I might get a dog. It would be one of those Chihuahua dogs and I’d name her Chardonnay. ”

Here it is. You think you know someone and then next thing they tell you is that they want a Chihuahua named Chardonnay.

“Wait a minute, ” Lula said. “This isn’t the way to Trotter’s house. ”

“I’m taking the scenic route, ” I said.

“This isn’t the scenic route, ” Lula said. “There’s nothing scenic about Trenton. You’re heading for the Mole Hole. I thought we weren’t treasure hunting this morning. ”

“I can’t help myself. I’m just going to do a drive-by. See if the gray Range Rover is parked in the lot. ”

I drove past the train station and turned onto the Mole Hole street. No gray Range Rover in the lot, but there was a black Mercedes sports car there.

“Gabriela, ” I said.

“Maybe she got a job on the pole, ” Lula said. “Pick up some spare change. ”

“Maybe she’s down in the tunnel, ” I said.

“No way are you getting me back in that tunnel. Don’t even think about it. ”

“No problem, ” I said, cruising past the Mole Hole. “I don’t want to go back into it, either. At least not from the Mole Hole side. I want to take a look at the Margo. ”

“I saw it on the news this morning and there isn’t much left. ”

The street was open to traffic but the sidewalk in front of the hotel was cordoned off with crime scene tape. A squad car and two sedans were angled against the curb. One of the sedans was an unmarked Trenton PD car. The other sedan had the fire marshal sticker on it. I didn’t see anyone by the cars, so I assumed they were prowling through the rubble. I thought there was also a good chance that Gabriela was on the scene, following the tunnel from the Mole Hole to the Margo. She was pursuing something that was clearly important to her. I didn’t know why or what.

I cruised past the Margo, turned at the corner, and drove to Stiller Street. I did a silent groan when I got there. Trotter’s van was parked at the curb. While I really wanted to be all jazz hands and high-fives about breaking balls, the thought of a drunk Trotter and his elephant syringe was making it hard to get fully motivated.

“I say we need to fortify ourselves before we knock on Trotter’s door, ” Lula said. “I guess I’m up for doing some shit, but if we want it to be epic I need a breakfast sandwich. Something with cheese and sausage. Or maybe egg and bacon. Or maybe I could get one of each and combine them and make a super sandwich. ”

“We wouldn’t want the shit we do to not be epic, ” I said.

“Hell no. Ordinary shit is just shit. ”

“And if we’re lucky, when we get back the van will be gone? ”

“I guess that would be a possibility, ” Lula said. “It would be in God’s hands. ”

I drove past Trotter’s house and after a couple of blocks, I glanced at Lula. “Do you know where we’re going to find your sandwich? ”

“No, ” she said. “Does it matter? ”

I turned toward the center of town, stopped for a light, and Charlie Shine and the gray Range Rover drove by on the cross street.

“Did you see that? ” Lula yelled. “It was him. ”

By the time I could make a turn there were two cars between me and Shine.

“He’s up ahead, going into the drive-thru lane at Dreamy Creamery, ” Lula said. “You can catch him at the drive-thru. ”

“What the heck is Dreamy Creamery? ”

“Ice cream. And they got ice cream cakes, too. And shakes. And inside it’s like an old-fashioned soda fountain. ”

I circled around to the front of Dreamy Creamery and idled at the end of the drive-thru.

“Here’s the plan, ” I said. “As soon as he moves forward, the car behind him is going to move up to the window. Then Shine will have the building on one side, a two-foot curb on the other side, the guy behind him, and me in front of him. ”

“He got a sundae, ” Lula said. “I saw the girl hand it to him. It’s ginormous. It’s not even noon yet and he got a big-ass sundae. You got to respect a man for that. ”

“Here he comes, ” I said, pulling into the drive-thru lane and stopping where the building began.

“Now! ” I said to Lula. “We got him. ”

Lula and I jumped out and ran at Shine. Lula was waving her gun and yelling like a crazy woman. I had cuffs and pepper spray.

There was a moment where surprise registered on Shine’s face, and then he hunkered down over the wheel and gunned the engine.

“Holy crap, ” Lula said. “He’s gonna ram you. He’s going for ramming speed. ”

I dove over the curb, Lula flattened herself against the wall of the building, and Shine roared past us. He crashed into my CR-V and pushed it out of the exit lane and into the parking lot. He paused for three seconds, and then he took off down the road. A black Mercedes sports car appeared out of nowhere and followed Shine.

“What the heck! ” I said. “Sonofabitch! ”

“No kidding, ” Lula said. “He’s got a problem with that old Range Rover. The air bag didn’t inflate. I bet nobody paid attention to a recall notice. ”

“He wrecked my car. ”

“Yeah, we didn’t see that one coming. Do you think that was Gabriela following him? ”

“Yes! ”

“She gets around, ” Lula said. “Do you think she’s after our bounty money? ”

“Worse, ” I said. “I think she’s after our fortune and glory. ”

Customers were wandering out of Dreamy Creamery to see the wreck and take selfies.

“You should do something, ” Lula said. “Get a tow truck out here or phone Uber. I need to use the restroom. ”

“You aren’t going to use the restroom. You’re going in to get ice cream. ”

“Yes, but before I do that, I might wash my hands. ”

Rangeman control room called. Undoubtedly notified of the wreck by one of the many sensors surreptitiously placed on my car.

“Your front sensor is reporting a malfunction, ” he said.

“Long story short, my car has a crumpled front end. ”

“Can you drive it? ”

“No. The hood is smashed up against the windshield. ”

“Are you okay? ”

“Okay is relative for me. ”

“Do you need assistance? ”

“Assistance would be wonderful. ”

I retrieved my purse from my car and went inside to get ice cream. A fire truck arrived, followed by a cop car. Lula and I took our ice cream outside and said hello to the guys. The fire truck left, and the cop went inside to get ice cream.

A black Rangeman SUV rolled in and Tank got out.

“I’ll take it from here, ” he said. “Wayne will drive you home… or wherever. ”

Lula went back to the office, and I went to my parents’ house to borrow a car.

“Look who’s here, ” Grandma said. “Miss Celebrity! You’re all over the internet. YouTube and everything. The phone hasn’t stopped ringing. ”

“Why me? ” my mother asked. “Mary Jo Krazinski’s daughter works in the bank. A teller. My daughter jumps out of hooker hotel windows. ”

“I didn’t jump, ” I said.

“Of course you jumped, ” Grandma said. “It was a beauty. You came out of that window like you were shot from a cannon. Some bystander got it all. Lula backed out after you. I don’t like to speak bad about anyone, but it wasn’t a pretty sight. It was like Winnie the Pooh getting stuck in the rabbit hole, if Winnie the Pooh was wearing a red thong. ”

“I thought I dropped, ” I said to Grandma.

“Nope, ” she said. “You jumped. ”

She pulled the video up on her cell phone.

“This is horrible, ” I said. “My hair is a mess, and I look fat. ”

“It’s these T-shirts you wear, ” Grandma said. “They’re all washed out and they don’t give you any shape. You need some pretty clothes. ”

“I can’t afford to buy clothes. I have to buy a new car. ”

“You can buy whatever you want when we find the treasure, ” Grandma said.

My mother brought bread and deli ham and provolone cheese to the little kitchen table. I set my messenger bag on the counter and got mustard and mayo from the fridge.

“I’m not moving as fast as I’d like on the treasure hunt, ” I said. “Every time I get a lead, it ends in disaster. ”

“I got a good lead at the grocery this morning, ” Grandma said. “I was in line next to Dottie Clark and she was talking about her son the fireman and how he got called out to the Lucky Lucy Café last night. Seems that it suddenly filled up with smoke and dust and that the smoke set off the fire alarm. She said it was odd that it happened right after you blew up the Margo. ”

“I didn’t blow up the Margo, ” I said. “Lou Salgusta blew up the Margo. ”

My mother sucked in air. “Lou Salgusta was there? ” She made the sign of the cross. “He’s a maniac. He burns his initials onto people’s private places. And then he kills them. ”

Grandma went to the fridge to get pickles. “Maybe he died in the blast. Did they bring in any cadaver dogs? ”

“I don’t know, ” I said. “I haven’t heard anything about a search and recovery effort. ”

Grandma brought bread-and-butter pickles to the table and added them to her sandwich. “I know the boys’ secret escape tunnel ran to the Margo. So maybe the tunnel also went from the Margo to Lucky Lucy. They’re only a couple blocks apart. ”

I paused with my sandwich halfway to my mouth. “You know about the tunnel? ”

“Jimmy told me about it. He said no one used it much anymore and it needed some repair, but it was still an important part of the La-Z-Boy club. I figured it just went between the Mole Hole and the Margo, but maybe it goes to lots of other places. And maybe one of those other places has the safe with the treasure. So, if we can’t figure out the clues, I say we investigate the tunnels. We should just go down there and follow all the different tunnels to see where they end up. ”

My mother looked like she was trying to decide between vodka or Xanax. I understood her dilemma. Her thankless job was to be the voice of reason and maturity in a family of oddballs. My father keeps his head down and wills himself to be invisible, occasionally barking for more hot gravy at the dinner table. My sister Valerie is married to a very sweet man who seems to be incompetent at everything other than keeping her pregnant. And then there’s me and Grandma with Superhero Derangement Syndrome.

“I’m told the tunnels are in bad shape, ” I said to Grandma. “I don’t think we should go in them, but I can get Ranger to map them out for us. ”

The part about Ranger was a fib. I didn’t feel comfortable asking Ranger to map the tunnels. I put it out there because I didn’t want to push my mother off the ledge.

“I guess that would be okay, ” Grandma said.

I finished my sandwich, ate three chocolate chip cookies, and stood to leave. “I’d like to borrow the Buick, ” I said.

The Buick is a ’53 baby blue and white Roadmaster monster that was left to Grandma when her brother passed. It sits unused in the garage because Grandma has a lead foot and lost her license, but can’t bring herself to sell the car.

“Where’s your CR-V? ” my mother asked.

“I had a fender bender, ” I said. “No big deal, but I’d like to use Big Blue while my car gets fixed. ”

“Sure, you can borrow it, ” Grandma said. “And you can drop me at the hair salon. I’m getting my nails done. I’m thinking about going midnight blue. ”

⇐ Предыдущая 9 10 11 12 131415 16 17 18 Следующая ⇒