I'll Never Tell

A little song about the love of Ron And Hermione...

By Cassie and Heidi

AAAA

I'll Never Tell

A filk by Heidi Tandi & Cassandra Claire to the tune of I'll Never Tell from BUFFY Once More With Feeling

RON (Speaking)
Well, I can do an Alohamora, I've almost got that...

HERMIONE (music)
This is the man that I've known since our first schoolday
Isn't he fine?
My claims to fame were in class and library
Top marks mine!
But I've got all my N.E.W.T.s
And I admit, he's sort of cute
The only trouble is - -
I'll never tell.

RON
She is the one
With smarts and such fun
No time will she waste
Excellent teeth and her hair in a band's - -
Embrace! Tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - -
No. I'll never tell.

HERMIONE AND RON
Cause there's nothing to tell.

RON
She's bossy, she's swotty

HERMIONE
His face is really spotty

RON
She's hanging out with Malfoy, who I so despise

HERMIONE
I'm gone - he doesn't miss me

RON
She'd rather read than kiss me

HERMIONE
He doesn't listen when I say I don't care about size

HERMIONE AND RON
The vibe gets kind of scary

RON
Like, she thinks I'm ordinary

HERMIONE
Like, it's all just temporary

RON
Like, her toes are kind of hairy

HERMIONE AND RON
But it's all very well
Cause, God knows, I'll never tell!

HERMIONE
When things get scary
He just hides behind his Harry
Now look he's getting wary
'Cause he knows that I know.

RON
To clever by half,
Never makes me laugh
She nev - -

HERMIONE
He acts like such an ass

RON
This is my verse, hello?
She - -

HERMIONE (Spoken)
Hey, look at me! I'm making confetti!

HERMIONE AND RON
You know

RON
You're really helpful

HERMIONE
And Pig's delightful

RON
You're the cutest in our class
With your eyes as clear as glass
And your firm, yet supple - -
Tight embrace!

HERMIONE
He's swell

RON
She's sweller

HERMIONE
He'll always be my feller

RON
That's why I'll never tell her that I petrified

HERMIONE
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
And I know someday I'll want to run to Harry's side

HERMIONE AND RON
I've lied
I've said it's easy
I've tried

HERMIONE
I even tried a love spell

RON
Is she really looking right past me?

HERMIONE
Why is Harry all that I can see?

RON
Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful?

HERMIONE
Will I always feel uneasy with those One Big Happy Weasleys?

RON
Is she crazy?
I'm a cheater!

HERMIONE
Will I marry a Death Eater?

HERMIONE AND RON
We can really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!
So, thank God, I'll never tell!
I swear, that I'll never tell

RON
My lips are sealed

HERMIONE
No Veritas-

RON
Nothing to see
Move it along

HERMIONE AND RON
I'll never
Tell!

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