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I ain't havin none of that, tho, an I thowed up The Queen's Indian Defense an that force him to use The Schevenigen Variation, which lead me to utilize The Benoni Counter.

Honest Ivan appear to be somewhat frustrated, an was twistin his fingers an bitin on his lower lip, an then he done tried a desperation move—The Fried Liver Attack—to which I applied Alekhine's Defense an stopped his ass cold.

It look for a wile like it gonna be a stalemate, but Honest Ivan, he went an applied The Hoffman Maneuver an broke out! I look over at Mister Tribble, an he sort of smile at me, an he move his lips an mouth the word

" Now, " an I knowed what he mean.

You see, they was a couple of tricks Big Sam taught me in the jungle that was not in the book an now was the time to use them—namely, The Cookin Pot Variation of The Coconut Gambit, in which I use my queen as bait an sucker that bastid into riskin his knight to take her.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. Honest Ivan must of seen that comin an he snapped up my queen an now my ass is in trouble! Nex I pull somethin called The Grass Hut Ploy, in which I stick my last rook out on a limb to fool him, but he wadn't fooled. Took my rook an my other bishop too, an was ready to finish me off with The Petroff Check, when I pulled out all the stops an set up The Pygmie Threat.

Now the Pygmie Threat was one of Big Sam's specialties, an he had taught it to me real good. It depends a lot on suprise an usin several other pieces as bait, but if a feller falls victim to The Pygmie Threat, he might as well hang up his jockstrap an go on home. I was hopin an prayin it woud work, cause if it didn't, I ain't got no more bright ideas an I'm just about done for already.

Well, Honest Ivan, he grunt a couple of times an pick up his knight to move it to square eight, which meant that he would be suckered in by The Pygmie Threat an in two more moves I would have him in check an he would be powerless to do anythin about it!

But Honest Ivan must of smelt somethin fishy, cause he moved that piece from square five to square eight an back again nine or ten times, never takin his han off it, which would have meant the move was final.

The crowd was so quiet you coulda heard a pin drop, an I am so nervous an excited I am bout to bust. I look over an Mister Tribble is rollin his eyes up in the air like he's prayin an a feller what come with Honest Ivan is scowlin an lookin sour. Honest Ivan move the piece back to square eight two or three more times, but always he put it back on square five. Finally, it look like he gonna do somethin else, but then he lif up the piece one more time an have it hoverin above square eight an I be holdin my breath an the room is quiet as a tomb. Honest Ivan still be hoverin with the piece an my heart is beatin like a drum, an all of a sudden he look straight at me—an I don't know what happened, I guess I was so excited an all—but suddenly I cut a humongus baked-bean fart that sound like somebody is rippin a bedsheet in haf!

Honest Ivan get a look of suprise on his face, an then he suddenly drop his chess piece an thowed up his hans an say, " Uggh! " an start fannin the air an coughin an holdin his nose. Folks standin aroun us begun to move back an was mumblin an takin out they handkerchiefs an all, an I am so red in the face I look like a tomato.

But when it all settle down again, I look at the chessboard an damn if Honest Ivan ain't lef his piece right on square eight. So I reached out an snap it up with my knight, an then I grapped two of his pawns an his queen an finally his king—checkmate! I done won the match an the five thousan dollars! The Pygmie Threat done come thru again.

All the wile, Honest Ivan be makin loud gestures an protestin an all an him an the feller that come with him immediately file a formal complaint against me.

The guy in charge of the tournament be thumbin thru his rule book till he come to where it say, " No player shall knowingly engage in conduct that is distractive to another player while a game is in progress. "

Mister Tribble step up an say, " Well, I don't think you can prove that my man did what he did knowingly. It was a sort of involuntary thing. "

Then the tournament director thumb thru his book some more, an come to where it say, " No player shall behave in a manner that is rude or offensive to his opponent. "

" Listen, " Mister Tribble say, " haven't you ever had the need to break wind? Forrest didn't mean anything by it. He's been sitting there a long time. "

" I don't know, " the tournament director say, " on the face of it, I think I'm going to have to disqualify him. "

" Well can't you give him another chance at least? " Mister Tribble axed. The tournament director scratched his chin for a minute. " Well, perhaps, " he say, " but he is gonna have to contain hissef because we cannot tolerate this sort of thing here, you know? "

An so it was beginnin to look like I might be allowed to finish the game, but all of a sudden they is a big commotion at one end of the room, an ladies are screaming an shrieking an all an then I look up an here come ole Sue, swingin towards me on a chandelier.

Jus as the chandelier got overhead Sue let go an dropped right on top of the chessboard, scatterin all the pieces in a dozen directions. Honest Ivan fell over backwards across a chair an on the way down ripped haf the dress off a fat lady that looked like a advertisement for a jewelry store. She commenced to flailin an hollerin an smacked the tournament director in the nose an Sue was jumpin up an down an chatterin an everbody is in a panic, stompin an stumblin an shoutin to call the police.

Mister Tribble grapped me by the arm an say, " Let's get out of here, Forrest—you have already seen enough of the police in this town. "

This I coud not deny.

* * *

       Well, we get on back to the hotel, an Mister Tribble say we got to have another conference.



       " Forrest, " he say, " I just do not believe this is going to work out anymore. You can play chess like a dream, but things have gotten too complicated otherwise. All that stuff that went on this afternoon was, well, to put it mildly, it was bizarre. "

       I am noddin an ole Sue is lookin pretty sorrowful too.

       " So, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. You're a good boy, Forrest, and I can't leave you stranded out here in California, so I am going to arrange for you and Sue to get back to Alabama or wherever it is you came from. I know you need a little grubstake to start your shrimp business, and your share of the winnings, after I deduct expenses, comes to a little under five thousand dollars. "

       Mister Tribble hand me a envelope an when I look inside it, there is a bunch of hundrit dollar bills. " I wish you all the best in your venture, " he say. Mister Tribble phone for a taxicab an got us to the railroad station. He has also arranged for Sue to ride in the baggage car in a crate, and says I can go back there an visit with him an take him food an water when I want. They brung out the crate an Sue got on inside it an they took him off.

       " Well, good luck, Forrest, " Mister Tribble say, an he shake my han. " Here's my card—so stay in touch and let me know how it's going, okay? "

       I took the card an shook his han again an was sorry to be leavin cause Mister Tribble was a very nice man, an I had let him down. I was settin in my seat on the train, lookin out the winder, an Mister Tribble was still standin on the platform. Jus as the train pulled out, he raised up his han at me an waved goodbye.

       So off I went again, an for a long time that night my head was full of dreams—of going back home again, of my mama, of po ole Bubba an of the srimp bidness an, of course, of Jenny Curran too. More than anythin in the world, I wished I were not such a loony tune.



24

       WELL, FINALLY, I DONE COME HOME AGAIN.

       The train got into the Mobile station bout three o'clock in the mornin an they took off ole Sue in his crate an lef us standin on the platform. Ain't nobody else aroun cept some feller sweepin the floor an a guy snoozin on a bench in the depot, so Sue an me walked on downtown an finally foun a place to sleep in a abandoned buildin.

       Nex mornin, I got Sue some bananas down by the wharf an found a little lunch counter where I bought a great big breakfast with grits an eggs an bacon an pancakes an all, an then I figgered I had to do somethin to get us squared away, so I begun to walk out to where the Little Sisters of the Poor home was located. On the way, we passed by where our ole house used to be, an it wadn't nothin lef but a field of weeds an some burnt up wood. It was a very strange feelin, seein that, an so we kep on goin.

       When I got to the po house, I tole Sue to wait in the yard so as not to startle them sisters none, an I went in an axed about my mama.

       The head sister, she was real nice, an she say she don't know where Mama is, cept she went off with the protestant, but that I might try axin aroun in the park cause mama use to go an set there in the afternoons with some other ladies. So I got Sue an we gone on over there.

       They was some ladies settin on the benches an I went up an tole one of them who I was, an she looked at ole Sue, an say, " I reckon I might of guess it. "

       But then she say she has heard that Mama was workin as a pants presser in a dry cleanin store on the other side of town, an so me an Sue went over there an sho enough, there is po ole Mama, sweatin over a pair of pants in the laundry.

       When she seen me, Mama drop everthin an thowed hersef into my arms. She is cryin an twistin her hans an snifflin just like I remembered. Good ole Mama.

       " Oh, Forrest, " she say. " You have come home at last. There wadn't a day gone by I didn't think bout you, an I done cried mysef to sleep ever night since you been gone. " That didn't suprise me none tho, an I axed her bout the protestant.

       " That low-down polecat, " Mama say. " I should of knowed better than to run off with a protestant. Wadn't a month went by before he chucked me for a sixteen-year-ole girl—an him bein nearly sixty. Let me tell you, Forrest, protestants ain't got no morals. "

       Just then a loud voice come from inside the dry cleanin stow, say, " Gladys, have you done lef the steam press on somebody's pants? "

       " Oh my God! " Mama shout, an run back inside. All of a sudden a big column of black smoke blowed out thru the winder an people inside is bawlin an hollerin an cussin an nex thing I knowed, Mama is bein hauled out of the stow by a big old ugly bald-headed guy that is shoutin an manhandlin her.

       " Git out! Git out! " he holler. " This is the last straw! You done burnt up your last pair of pants! "

       Mama be cryin an weepin an I stepped up to the feller an say, " I think you better be takin your hans off my mama. "

       " Who the hell is you? " he axed.

       " Forrest Gump, " I says back, an he say, " Well you git your ass outta here too, an take your mama with you, cause she don't work here no more! "

       " You best not be talkin that way aroun my mama, " I says, an he say back, " Yeah? What you gonna do about it? "

       So I showed him.

       First, I grapped him an picked him up in the air. Then I carried him into where they was washin all these clothes in a big ole oversize laundry machine they use for quilts and rugs, an I open the top an stuff him in an close the lid shut an turned the dial to " Spin. " Last I seen of him, his ass were headed for the " Rinse" cycle.

       Mama is bawlin an dawbin at her eyes with a handkerchief an say, " Oh, Forrest, now I done lost my job! "

       " Don't worry none, Mama, " I tole her, " everthin gonna be okay, cause I have got a plan. "

       " How you gonna have a plan, Forrest? " she say. " You is a idiot. How is a po idiot gonna have a plan? "

       " Jus wait an see, " I says. Anyhow, I am glad to have got off on the right foot my first day home.

       * * *

       We got outta there, an started walkin towards the roomin house where Mama stayin. I had done introduced her to Sue an she say she was pleased that at least I have got some kinda friend—even if he is a ape.

       Anyhow, Mama an me ate supper at the roomin house an she got Sue a orange from the kitchen, an afterwards, me an Sue went down to the bus station an got the bus to Bayou La Batre, where Bubba's folks lived.

       Sure as rain, last thing I saw of Mama she was standin on the porch of the roomin house wipin her eyes an sobbin as we lef. But I had give her haf the five thousan dollars to sort of tide her over an pay her rent an all till I could get mysef established, so I didn't feel so bad.

       Anyhow, when the bus get to Bayou La Batre we didn't have no trouble findin Bubba's place. It's about eight o'clock at night an I knocked on the door an after a wile an ole feller appears an axed what I want. I tole him who I was an that I knowed Bubba from playin football an from the Army, an he got kinda nervous but he invited me inside. I had tole ole Sue to stay out in the yard an kinda keep outta sight since they probly hasn't seen nothin look like him down here.

       Anyhow, it was Bubba's daddy, an he got me a glass of iced tea an started axin me a lot of questions.

       Wanted to know bout Bubba, bout how he got kilt an all, an I tole him the best I could.

       Finally, he say, " There's somethin I been wonderin all these years, Forrest—what do you think Bubba died for? "

       " Cause he got shot, " I says, but he say, " No, that ain't what I mean. What I mean is, why? Why was we over there? "

       I thought for a minute, an say, " Well, we was tryin to do the right thing, I guess. We was jus doin what we was tole. "

       An he say, " Well, do you think it was worth it? What we did? All them boys gettin kilt that way? "

       An I says, " Look, I am jus a idiot, see. But if you want my real opinion, I think it was a bunch of shit. "

       Bubba's daddy nod his head. " That's what I figgered, " he say.

       Anyhow, I tole him why I had come there. Tole him bout me an Bubba's plan to open up a little srimp bidness, an how I had met the ole gook when I was in the hospital an he showed me how to grow srimp, an he was gettin real interested an axin a lot of questions, when all of a sudden they is a tremendous squawkin set up out in the yard.

       " Somethin's after my chickens! " Bubba's daddy shout, an he went an got a gun from behin the door an go out on the porch.



       " They is somethin I got to tell you, " I says, an I tole him bout Sue bein there, cept we don't see hide nor hair of him.

       Bubba's daddy go back in the house an get a flashlight an shine it aroun in the yard. He shine it under a big tree an down at the bottom is a goat—big ole billy goat, standin there pawin the groun. He shine it up in the tree an there is po Sue, settin on a limb, scared haf to death.

       " That goat'll do it ever time, " say Bubba's daddy. " Git on away from there! " he shout, an he thow a stick at the goat. After the goat was gone, Sue come down from the tree an we let him inside the house.

       " What is that thing? " Bubba's daddy axed.

       " He is a orangutang, " I says.

       " Looks kinda like a gorilla, don't he? "

       " A little bit, " I says, " but he ain't. "

       Anyway, Bubba's daddy say we can sleep there that night, an in the mornin, he will go aroun with us an see if we can find some place to start the srimp bidness. They was a nice breeze blowin off the bayou an you coud hear frawgs an crickets an even the soun of a fish jumpin ever once in a wile. It was a nice, peaceful place, an I made up my mind then an there that I was not gonna get into no trouble here.

       * * *

       Nex mornin brite an early we get up an Bubba's daddy done fixed a big breakfast with homemade sausage an fresh yard eggs an biscuits an molasses, an then he take me an Sue in a little boat an pole us down the Bayou.

       It is calm an they is a bit of mist on the water. Ever once in a wile a big ole bird would take off outta the marsh.

       " Now, " say Bubba's daddy, " here is where the salt tide comes in, " an he point to a slew that runs up in the marsh. " There's some pretty big ponds up in there, an if I was gonna do what you plannin to do, that's where I'd do it. "

       He pole us up into the slew. " Now you see there, " he say, " that is a little piece of high groun an you can jus see the roof of a little shack in there.

       " It used to be lived in by ole Tom LeFarge, but he been dead four or five years now. Ain't nobody own it. You wanted, you could fix it up a little an stay there. Last time I looked, he had a couple of ole rowboats pulled up on the bank. Probly ain't worth a damn, but you caulk em up, they'd probly float. "

       He pole us in further, an say, " Ole Tom used to have some duckboards runnin thru the marsh down to the ponds. Used to fish an shoot ducks in there. You could probly fix em up. It'd be a way of gettin aroun in there. "

       Well, let me tell you, it looked ideal. Bubba's daddy say they get seed srimp up in them slews an bayous all the time, an it wouldn't be no trouble to net a bunch of em to start off the bidness with. Another thing he say is that in his experience, a srimp will eat cottonseed meal, which is good on account of it is cheap.

       The main thing we got to do is block off them ponds with mesh nets an get the little cabin fixed up to live in an get some supplies like peanut butter an jelly an bread an all that kind of shit. Then we be ready to start growin our srimp.

       So we got started that very day. Bubba's daddy took me back to the house an we gone into town an begun buyin supplies. He say we can use his boat till we get ours fixed up, an that night me an Sue stayed in the little fishin shack for the first time. It rained some an the roof leaked like crazy, but I didn't mind. Nex mornin I jus went out an fixed it up.

       It took almost a month to get things goin—makin the shack nice an fixin up the rowboats an the duckboards in the marsh an layin the mesh nets aroun one of them ponds. Finally the day come when we is ready to put in some srimp. I have bought a srimp net an me an Sue went on out in the rowboat an dragged it aroun for most of the day. By that night, we had probly fifty pounds of srimp in the bait well an we rowed up an dumped em into the pond. They be crackin an swimmin aroun an dancin on top of the water. My, my, it was a lovely site.

       Nex mornin we got us five hundrit pounds of cottonseed meal an thowed a hundrit pounds of it in the pond for the srimp to eat an the nex afternoon we set about nettin-in another pond. We done that all summer an all fall an all winter an all spring an by that time we has got four ponds operatin an everthin is lookin rosy. At night I would set out on the porch of the shack an play my harmonica an on Saturday night I would go into town an buy a six-pack of beer an me an Sue would get drunk. I finally feel like I belong someplace, an am doin a honest day's work, an I figger that when we get the first srimp harvested an sold, maybe then it will be all right to try to find Jenny again, an see if she is still mad at me.



25

       IT WAS A VERY NICE DAY IN JUNE WHEN WE FIGGERED IT WAS time to start our first srimp harvest. Me an Sue got up with the sun an went down to the pond an dragged a net acrost it till it got stuck on somethin. Sue tried to pull it loose first, then I tried, then we tried together till we finally figgered out the net wadn't stuck—it was jus so full of srimp we couldn't move it!

       By that evenin we had pulled in about three hundrit pouns of srimp, an we spent the night sortin em out in various sizes. Nex mornin we put the srimp in baskets an took em down to our little rowboat. They weighed so much we damn near tumped over on the way up to Bayou La Batre.

       They was a seafood packin house there an Sue an me hauled the srimp from the dock to the weighin room.

       After everthin is toted up, we got ourselfs a check for eight hundrit, sixty-five dollars! It is about the first honest money I ever made since I played harmonica for The Cracked Eggs.

       Ever day for nearly two weeks Sue an me harvested srimp an brought em in to the packin house. When it was finally over, we had made a total of nine thousand, seven hundrit dollars an twenty-six cents. The srimp bidness was a success!

       Well, let me tell you—it were a happy occasion. We took up a bushel basket of srimp to Bubba's daddy an he was real happy an say he is proud of us an that he wished Bubba were there too. Then me an Sue caught the bus up to Mobile to celebrate. First thing I done was gone to see my mama at the roomin house, an when I tole her about the money an all, sure enough, she be cloudin up again. " Oh, Forrest, " she say, " I am so proud of you—doin so good an all for bein retarded. "

       Anyhow, I tole Mama about my plan, which was that nex year we was gonna have three times as many srimp ponds, an that we needed somebody to watch over the money an look after our expenses an all, an I axed if she would do that.

       " You mean I gotta move all the way down to Bayou La Batre? " Mama say. " Ain't nothin goin on down there.

       What am I gonna do with mysef? "

       " Count money, " I says.

       After that, me an Sue went downtown an got ourselfs a big meal. I gone down to the docks an bought Sue a big bunch of bananas, an then went an got mysef the biggest steak dinner I could find, with mashed potatoes an green peas an everthin. Then I decided to go drink me a beer someplace an jus as I am walkin by this dark ole saloon near the waterfront, I hear all this loud cussin an shoutin an even after all these years, I knowed that voice.

       I stuck my head in the door, an sure enough, it were ole Curtis from the University!

       Curtis were very happy to see me, callin me a asshole an a cocksucker an a motherfucker an everthin else nice he could think of. As it turns out, Curtis had gone on to play pro football with the Washington Redskins after he lef the University, an then he done got put on waivers after bitin the team owner's wife on the ass at a party.

       He played for a couple of other teams for a few years, but after that he got hissef a job on the docks as a longshoreman which, he say, was suitable for the amount of education he got at the University.

       Anyway, Curtis bought me a couple of beers an we talked about ole times. The Snake, he say, had played quarterback for the Green Bay Packers till he got caught drinkin a entire quart of Polish vodka durin halftime in the Minnesota Vikings game. Then Snake went an played for the New Yawk Giants till he called a Statue-of-Liberty play in the third quarter of the Rams game. The Giants' coach say ain't nobody used a Statue-of-Liberty play in pro ball since nineteen hundrit thirty-one, an that Snake ain't got no bidness callin one now. But actually, Curtis say, it wadn't no Statue-of-Liberty play at all. The truth, accordin to Curtis, was that Snake was so spaced out on dope that when he faded back for a pass he done completely forgot to thow the ball, an the lef end jus happen to see what is goin on, an run aroun behin him an take the ball away. Anyhow, Curtis say the Snake is now assistant coach for a tinymight team someplace in Georgia.

       After a couple of beers, I got a idea, an tole Curtis about it.

       " How'd you like to come work for me? " I axed.

       Curtis be cussin an hollerin but after a minute or two I figger out he is tryin to axe me what I want him to do, so I tole him about the srimp bidness an that we was gonna expand our operation. He cuss an holler some more, but the gist of what he is sayin is " yes. "

       * * *

       So all thru that summer an fall an the next spring we be workin hard, me an Sue an Mama an Curtis—an I even had a job for Bubba's daddy. That year we made nearly thirty thousan dollars an are gettin bigger all the time. Things couldn't of been goin better—Mama ain't bawlin hardly at all, an one day we even seen Curtis smile once—altho he stopped an started cussin again soon as he saw us watchin. For me, tho, it ain't quite as happy as it might be, cause I am thinkin a lot about Jenny an what has become of her.

       One day, I jus decided to do somethin bout it. It was a Sunday, an I got dressed up an caught the bus up to Mobile an went over to Jenny's mama's house. She was settin inside, watchin tv, when I knocked on the door.

       When I tole her who I was, she say, " Forrest Gump! I jus can't believe it. C'mon in! "

       Well, we set there a wile an she axed bout Mama an what I'd been doin an everthin, an finally I axed about Jenny.

       " Oh, I really don't hear from her much these days, " Mrs. Curran say. " I think they livin someplace in North Carolina. "

       " She got a roomate or somethin? " I axed.

       " Oh, didn't you know, Forrest? " she say. " Jenny got married. "

       " Married? " I say.

       " It was a couple of years ago. She'd been livin in Indiana. Then she went to Washington an nex thing I knew, I got a postcard sayin she was married, an they was movin to North Carolina or someplace. You want me to tell her anythin if I hear from her? "

       " No'm, " I says, " not really. Maybe jus tell her I wish her good luck an all. "

       " I sure will, " Mrs. Curran say, " an I'm so glad you came by. "

       * * *

       I dunno, I reckon I ought to of been ready for that news, but I wadn't.

       I could feel my heart poundin, an my hans got cold an damp an all I coud think of was goin someplace an curlin up into a ball the way I had that time after Bubba got kilt, an so that's what I did. I foun some shrubs in back of somebody's yard an I crawled under there an jus got mysef into a ball. I think I even commenced to suck my thumb, which I ain't done in a long wile since my mama always said it was a sure sign that somebody's a idiot, unless they are a baby. Anyhow, I don't know how long I stayed there. It was most of a day an a haf I guess.

       I didn't feel no blame for Jenny, she done what she had to. After all, I am a idiot, an wile a lot of people say they is married to idiots, they couldn't never imagine what would be in store if they ever married a real one.



       Mostly, I guess, I am jus feelin sorry for mysef, because somehow I had actually got to where I believed that Jenny an me would be together someday. An so when I learnt from her mama that she is married, it was like a part of me has died an will never be again, for gettin married is not like runnin away. Gettin married is a very serious deal. Sometime durin the night I cried, but it did not hep much.

       It was later that afternoon when I crawled out of the shrubs an gone on back to Bayou La Batre. I didn't tell nobody what had happened, cause I figgered it wouldn't of done no good. They was some work I needed to do aroun the ponds, mendin nets an such, an I went on out by mysef an done it. By the time I get finished it is dark, an I done made a decision—I am gonna thow mysef into the srimp bidness an work my ass off. It is all I can do.

       * * *

       An so I did.

       That year we made seventy-five thousan dollars before expenses an the bidness is gettin so big I got to hire more people to hep me run it. One person I get is ole Snake, the quarterback from the University. He is not too happy with his present job with the tinymight football team an so I put him to work with Curtis in charge of dredgin an spillway duties. Then I find out that Coach Fellers from the highschool is done retired an so I give him a job, along with his two goons who has also retired, workin on boats an docks.

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