CHAPTER NINE

THE sun-drenched fields were fulll of mares and foals; one of the most beautiful sights in the world.

" Looks like a painting come to life, doesn't it? " Nick said, looking out at the lush pastureland crisscrossed with miles of pristine white fencing.

" How many horses are we going to buy here, Nick? " Charley asked excitedly from the back seat of the Jaguar. " Oh, I love the feel of horse farms, don't you? I love all the green paddocks and the white rails. " Her iridescent eyes were wide with enchantment.

" Beautiful, " Nick said, nodding in agreement with his daughter's sentiments. " Your mother and I have agreed on thirty in all. Not as many as Bellemont used to stable. Quiet, obedient horses for the children. We'll get them some place else. Tom McGovern owns this place. He was once a famous jockey. "

" Yes, I know, " Charley answered, moving closer to the window so she could see out. " The name of the place is Greenfields. Mummy said the French doors on the house are painted Mr. McGovern's old racing colours. Devil's Blue. " As she was speaking a mare and its yearling broke away from their companions to gallop to the white fence, the mare putting her beautiful sculptured head over it, bobbing a greeting. " Isn't she lovely! " Eagerness and enthusiasm tripped off Charley's tongue. " Bright as a jewel. Say, that's another good name for a pony, Jewel. Lucy and I are having a competition to see who can think up the most names. The best names. "

" Here's to the winner! " A smile spread over Nick's handsome mouth.

" I told Tom we'd be arriving at eleven. We're right on the dot, " Suzannah said almost dreamily as she consulted the clock on the dash.

" Fine. " Without thought Nick put out his hand and stroked Suzannah's cheek, a naked little touch of desire, forgetting momentarily that Charley was there, so intense was his pleasure in her mother. Suzannah was wearing narrow-legged pink linen slacks with a little clingy white top that showed her delicate breasts beneath, a simple enough outfit yet she made it look incredibly sexy and chic. She caught the flash in his eyes and she turned away, a rose flush in her cheeks. Between them shimmered a wordless sensuality, fuelled by the consummation of their love.

Tom McGovern himself greeted them in the courtyard. Sixtyish, blue polo shirt, jodhpurs, a worn peaked cap pulled down over his balding head, a stable cat curling around his foot. He raised a hand in a gesture of salute as the Jaguar drew to a halt.

" Mornin', folks. " He lifted a finger to tap his cap. " Morning, little lady, " he said to Charley. " Goodness, haven't you grown since I last saw you. Why she would have been…"

" Around eighteen months old, Tom, " Suzannah smiled. " Say hello, Charlotte. "

Charlotte obliged, giving Tom McGovern the full benefit of her sweet-tempered smile. " It was just lovely driving in, Mr. McGovern, " she confided in her light musical child's voice. " A mare and her yearling came over to greet us. The mare's coat was so bright it was nearly gold. "

" That would be Solar Princess, out of Solar Gold by King Darium. " Tom nodded his head. " Nice breed, that one, and pricey. " He turned hack to Suzannah and winked.

" You remember, Nick, don't you Tom? " Suzannah asked.

" Of course I do. " The two men shook hands. " You're the superstar now, son, " Tom said admiringly. " I've been following your exploits in the papers. Computers, eh? The way of the future. "

" Believe it, Tom. " Nick smiled. " You look well. "

" Life has been good to me. "

" Very good indeed by the look it, " Nick said, turning his dark head to look around the fine estate. " What have you lined up to show us? Charlotte is so excited she can't wait to see the horses. "

" Some downright beauties. " Tom ruffled Charley's glossy head. " One cussed bloke called Diablo. Not for nuthin'. He'd make a great jumper in the right hands. Yours, Suzannah. You've got a natural seat and a special way with a rogue. If you hang on a moment I'll get Paddy and young Neville to parade them around the ring. Suzannah said you'd want around twenty, Nick? "

" We figured that would be enough for the moment, " Nick said.

" I really want to fix you up, " said Tom. " All of these horses, with the exception of Diablo, are just what you need. Course there aren't any guarantees with horses as you well know. Know a guy who spent a million dollars on a yearling six years ago and the damned thing is the worst jumper you've ever seen. Didn't get it from me, though. "

It was an exhilarating time. A time of pure delight. One horse after the other passed through the ring, some walking sedately, others at a springy trot, to be examined and assessed before being led away. Charley had her opinion about each one, not at all backward in expressing it, feet on the rails, raising herself high, with Nick's protective arm behind her.

She's like me as I was as a girl. Living and breathing horses, Suzannah thought, smiling at her daughter's pleasure. How good Nick was with her. Martin never had been a father figure. Nick had moved in right under Charley's heart.

In the end they chose eighteen horses in all, five- and six-year-olds, ex-racehorses, three ex-show horses, one young horse Suzannah tell in love with on sight, a pure black colt. " Can I ride him? " Charley begged.

" No, darling you can not, " Suzannah said firmly. " A horse like this is much too big and strong for you. One day certainly. Until then Lady will do very nicely. "

Charley sang in the car on the way back to Bellemont, her high spirits so infectious Suzannah and Nick found themselves joining in Charley's choice of Christmas carols. She was just finishing off " 0 Christmas Tree" when she asked, " Who put up the first Christmas tree, anyway? Was it Saint Nicholas? "

" As a matter of fact it was Martin Luther, " Nick told her. " Do you know who he was? "

" I bet he was an American, " Charley said. " They have great ideas. "

Nick shook his head laughing. " They sure do, but the gentleman I'm talking about was a great preacher who was born in Germany over five hundred years ago. Not only was he the leader of a religious movement called the Reformation, which split Roman Catholics and Protestants, with his translation of the Bible into German, but he almost single-handedly created the modern German language. He is said to be the most influential German who has ever lived. "

" And he thought up something lovely and simple like the Christmas tree? " Charley said, in admiration. " He must have been a really nice man. "

" And a musician like you. The story goes one starry night when he was returning to home he looked up to the heavens and saw a brilliant formation of diamonds in the sky. It took the shape of a pyramid-shaped tree. When he got home he tried to recreate what he saw for his family and came up with the idea of a tree decorated with candles. "

" Goodness, wasn't that clever, " said Charley.

Nick nodded. " The idea of the Christmas tree didn't really catch on in England until hundreds of years later when Queen Victoria's husband, Prince Albert, had a Christmas tree erected every year to remind him of his German homeland. After that the ritual of the Christmas tree spread like wildfire to America and all parts of the Western World. "

" You tell wonderful stories, Nick, " Charley said, impressed.

" You're wonderful to tell them to. I have another surprise coming up for you. "

" You do? " Charley's delicate eyebrows shot up.

" You have to be patient. " He caught her smiling eyes in the rear vision.

They arrived at Nick's " surprise" as they were approaching the outskirts of Ashbury. Past avocado and macadamia nut plantations, lush farms, the big acreage properties of the well-to-do with their rambling homesteads, extensive gardens and horse paddocks. Finally the Jaguar turned into a siding moving smoothly down a red earth track baked terra cotta by the summer sun, until it pulled up outside a white-painted bungalow hung with green shutters. The timber banisters of the verandah were smothered with the brightest blue morning glories, like a fantastic curtain, and violet and emerald butterflies danced across its dazzling surface. The house was deserted. Mosses and ferns clung to every rung of the short flight of steps, the rampant vine interweaving with the lacy branches of an overhead tree. There was such a silence, a stillness about it, it might have been a house in a fairytale.

" There's no one home, " Charley announced in a hushed voice. " But I think there's someone watching us. "

Suzannah shivered, seeing a figure up there on the verandah waving. " Don't be silly, darling. Are we going in, Nick? " She turned her face and her body towards him, her emotions breaking through at the story of their lives.

" Let's! " Charley, all innocence, was already moving to open the door. " This is where you lived, Nick, isn't it? I can tell. I love it that you brought me. "

" Stop her, Nick, " Suzannah urged, her fingers pressed to her lips.

" What's the matter, darling? " Nick asked in a startlingly tender voice.

" Too many memories. " She put her face into her hands.

But Charley was already darting through the broken hinged white timber gate.

" It's all right. We'll be together, " Nick reassured her, sliding out of the car and coming around to her. " Charlotte, wait for us, " he called.

Trembling a little, Suzannah took Nick's hand. " Back to the beginning, " she said. " Back to where it all began. "

" We're powerless to lose the past, Suzannah, " he said quietly. " Come with me now. There's nothing to fear. There's no one here now but gentle ghosts. "

Charley was standing perfectly still like a child in the middle of a magic circle, looking around her, breathing in the scent of a thicket of blossoming old rosebushes that had survived neglect and the passage of time. A luminous gold-green light bathed her small figure and painted the creamy beauty of her young skin. " Isn't it sweet? " she said. " Sweet and mysterious like an illustration in a storybook. And so small! How did you fit in there, Nick? " She stared back at his powerful, lean height.

" I just did. " He smiled, coming up to her, ruffling her hair. " Not everyone grows up in a mansion like Bellemont. "

" Do you suppose we can go inside? " she asked. Her hair had escaped its loose pigtail and long curls fell on either side of her cheeks.

" It would be shut, wouldn't it, Nick? " Suzannah found herself leaning against him and unconsciously he slid a supporting arm around her waist, a gesture full of meaning that Charley took note of.

" Don't you want to go in, Mummy? " she asked, profoundly startled the way her mother was clinging to Nick as though she'd be content to stay there forever. Startled but utterly pleased.

" Why don't we see? " Nick led the way up onto the verandah, while Charley ran off along the side, rapping on one set of doors, then the other. " So many visions of you are swirling around in my head. " Nick brushed the top of Suzannah's head with his lips. " This beautiful little girl with all the pretty dresses and the hair ribbons, so full of charm, so polite, so good at her lessons she could make my parents smile as they looked at her. "

" If only I'd been older, wiser, to appreciate them better, " Suzannah said, the dark wing of her hair falling forward on her cheek. " They were exceptional people. I'll remember them all my life. "

" Nick, we can get in here, " Charley's excited voice suddenly shouted.

" Just hold on, " he called in a firm and, it had to be noted, parental tone. " Better see what she's up to. " Slowly he released Suzannah. " There's no need for you to come in if you don't want to. "

" I'll be a strong, brave girl. " She lifted her head and followed him.

" This is delicious! " Charley was clapping her hands together, her extraordinary eyes sparkling. " When I get home I'm going to write a story about it. Perhaps I'll be a famous author? "

" You've got enough imagination, " Suzannah told her, watching Nick put pressure on a French door so it suddenly flew in.

All was enveloped in silence.

Suzannah had been in the small living room so many times she remembered exactly where every piece of furniture had been. The position of the upright piano beside the wall. The painting above it, a light-filled romantic landscape. Nothing dreadful happened. No overwhelming sense of sadness. She remembered where Nick's father used to sit in his special chair, his fine handsome face drawn with pain but never a word of complaint. Often he used to sit in on her piano lesson, remarking on the speed of her progress and his wife's wonderful ability to impart the wealth of knowledge and technique she had acquired through a lifetime of making music. She remembered Nick, sitting on an old rocker out on the verandah waiting for her to finish so they could go down to the river. Amazingly the old rocking chair remained and a few other pieces of wicker furniture moved in from the verandah-an old settee and two armchairs.

Charley went like an arrow to sit in the rocker, not even hearing her mother's objection. " Darling, it might be dusty. "

" Leave her, Suzy, " Nick said, memories of his parents weighing on his heart. " She looks just right in it. "

Charley looked up to smile at them, her eyes wide and bright. " This only needs a paint. "

" It does, too, " Nick said. " Could we take it with us? "

" Why? "

" Because I think I need it. "

Suzannah couldn't speak for fear her voice would break but Nick answered. " I suppose we could, as it belongs to us. But I think I'll send someone to fetch it. Someone who can restore it. "

" Oh, Nick, you're so good to us. What else is there? " Charley said, jumping up.

" Oh the usual thing, " Nick said, beginning to make off for a quick inspection of the bungalow before Charley got started looking around. " Bedrooms of course, " he called. ``Kitchen, bathroom, a little sewing room, my mother's sitting room, the back porch. "

" Can I go and explore? " Charley asked, as the empty rooms held wonder upon wonder.

" Go right ahead, " Nick returned, casting a quick glance at the silent Suzannah, seeming to include her in his next words. " There's nothing to hurt you. "

" I just might get the tiniest bit dirty, " Charley said gleefully. " One time when I was small I got stuck in the attic at Bellemont and Mummy couldn't find me for hours. "

" Don't remind me. " Suzannah shivered at the memory. She and her father had been out of their minds with anxiety. Her father, in fact, had begun to raise the subject of kidnapping. Even Martin had shown a deep concern for the missing child. One of the rare times.

" She is intrigued. " Nick turned to give Suzannah his incomparable smile as Charley skipped off. " You'd think it was Aladdin's cave. "

" She's lovely. Little girl innocent, " Suzannah sighed. " I was like that once. "

" I swear to God you were extraordinary. " Nick walked towards her, pulling her into his arms. " You still are. " He felt the same powerful emotional current running between them.

" When did it all start to go wrong? " The words pulsed out.

His heart bucked like a colt's as she laid her head gently against his chest as she had done so often in the past. He savoured it, not bothering to hide his intensity. She was back in his arms where she belonged.

" When your father began to hate me, " he said. " Fear me, more probably. It had nothing to do with my being 'foreign'. The fact my parents were immigrants who had lost all their material possessions in life, their once high standing, it had to do with war. You're right, Suzannah, you were always the prize. "

She nodded mutely, then sighed. " He was sorry at the end. "

" I know, " he said quietly. " But it will take me a long time to heal. In trying to maintain his control your father very nearly destroyed us all. You and Martin made an unhappy marriage that was doomed to fail. I threw myself desperately into my work, determined to become a big success. Meanwhile some of the best years of our lives ground past. My parents never lived to see their grandchild. "

Suzannah tilted her head, shifting her gaze. " Who says they can't see her now? " she questioned. " I remember they really, really, believed in God. "

Surely that was true. " I don't know what to helieve any more, " Nick said ruefully. " All I know is the bond between us could last a thousand years. " He lowered his dark head to drop a brief, half-tormented kiss on her upturned mouth. The pain, the pity, the disillusionment, the loss of his daughter's tender years.

At that very moment Charley returned and saw them locked together, her iridescent eyes spilling a clear message of anxiety. " You love Mummy, don't you, Nick? " she said, after a time.

He didn't hesitate to speak the truth. " Yes, Charlotte, I do. I hope with all my heart that's all right with you? "

Charley stood staring, trying to sort out her thoughts; deal with her memories of a father who had never given her the love she needed. " Are you going to try to love me? "

" Oh, darling! " Suzannah gave a little sob that passed for a laugh while Nick went to his daughter, going down on his haunches so he could look directly into her eyes. " Charlotte, " he said in a deep, emotion-charged voice. " There's not one other little girl in the entire world I would want more for a daughter than you. None in the world. "

Although Charley rallied noticeably, seeing the tears tracking down her mother's face, her voice quavered. " You really mean that, don't you, Nick? "

" Come on, " he said, drawing her into his arms and hugging her tightly. " Let me show you, my little love. "

Tired out by all the excitement, Charley ate an early supper then went uncomplainingly to bed, closing her eyes as soon as her head touched the pillow. So many lovely things to dream about. So many wonderful things to do when she woke up in the morning. She felt so happy her small body couldn't contain it. Although it had never been fully explored, Charley, a highly intelligent, sensitive child, had suffered keenly from Martin's indifference. Now it was time to be exuberant with joy. She and Mummy were as close as mother and daughter could get. Now there was Nick, wonderful Nick, to love her. Charley went off to sleep on cloud nine.

There were so many faxes left for Nick that he read them through right away. He had been talking of staying on for a day or two but his pressing commitments would drag him back. They ate their evening meal in the beautiful cool of the plant-filled conservatory, a place the Sheffield family had long used as an informal dining room, then afterwards while Suzannah cleared away, Nick returned to the study to make endless phone calls and deal with the faxes more closely.

He was still at it well after nine so Suzannah decided to shampoo her hair and take her shower for the night. It had been a long, emotional day, half exhilarating, half draining. If Nick was returning to Sydney in the morning he would be up and away early. For that matter, she and Hans had an early appointment with a young man of some experience who wanted to work in the winery.

She took her time under the shower then afterwards, wrapped in a big pink bath towel, stood before the mirror drying her hair, watching it take on a high gleam as she began to brush it into its thick pageboy style. Her hair was fine but heavy, well behaved. It fell quickly into place. Charley's was developing a pronounced deep wave with the special interest of that giveaway widow's peak. It was rapidly filling in from the light, fine suggestion of her early years. Valerie had commented on it. Valerie who was going to speak quietly to her family. For all the lifetime of closeness and friendship there was bound to be at least one of them who would condemn her for what she had done. She understood and anticipated it. One paid for one's sins.

When she was finally ready to leave her bedroom, dressed in a magnolia satin nightgown, its matching robe tied tightly around her waist, it was to find Nick had finished work in the study. The light was off so she went in search of him, finding him standing out on the upstairs balcony,, his two arms outstretched against the balustrade, his striking dark head lifted to the timeless beauty of the stars. The Southern Cross was directly over the house, the Milky Way, a sparkling scintillating net of dreams. It was a beautiful scene and he appeared to be absorbed in it. She thought he probably hadn't even heard her. She was wearing soft bedroom mules and her footsteps on the carpet hadn't made a sound. But just as she went to speak, he called to her without turning. " Come here to me. I need you in my arms. I need you now. "

He turned his tall lean body slightly as she flowed towards him, putting out an arm to gather her in. " You smell wonderful! " He buried his face in her gleaming scented hair.

" You have to go back in the morning? " she asked, her body going from calm to needy longing for his.

" Nothing else for it. " He rested his chin on the top of her head. " I'm needed. Now and again Konrads turns into a one-man band. "

" What time? " She relaxed her body into his. How she drew on his strength. His energy!

" I'll get away around six. No need for you to get up. You'll have to say my goodbyes to Charlotte. We have to resolve this situation swiftly, Suzannah, difficult as it is. We must tell her. Small she may be but she has a right to know, otherwise she'll feel cheated by the people who are closest to her in all the world. That's you and me, Suzannah. Charlotte's parents. "

Suzannah waited a moment, then looked up. " You never did tell me what you said to Adrienne? "

He framed her face with his hands. " I let her see that spreading scandal can work two ways. In her public relations business one needs to stay on good terms with valuable connections. Adrienne is a success in her own right but her business might quickly fold if I started to spread the word she was a dangerous woman to cross. "

" But would you do it? " Suzannah asked, doubtfully. " I've never seen you do a vindictive thing. "

He gave a low laugh like a growl. " I can be as ruthless as the next one, Suzannah, if the people I love are threatened. I think you'll find when you next speak to Valerie White, Adrienne never sent any letter. "

" Oh, I hope not, " she murmured. " It would be dreadfully unfair. Valerie has suffered enough. "

" I'm hoping to put an end to it. Let's sit down. " He drew her back towards a long rattan sofa, plushly upholstered in white cotton. " We have to plan our next moves. " Nick settled into one end but as Suzannah began to curl up beside him, tucking her feet under her, he quickly manoeuvred her slender body so she half lay across him, her head in his lap. " That's better, " he sighed.

" Things could become unpleasant, Nick, " she warned him, looking up into his face. " We would have to be prepared for it. "

" Where are you expecting the main unpleasantness to come from? " he asked.

" Oh…" She put up her hands and he caught them, carrying them to his mouth. " Martin's family. Valerie is a remarkable woman but the others mightn't have her wisdom and understanding. Losing a husband and son, Valerie knows all about suffering. She knows what is and what isn't truly important in life. "

" So there'll be talk? " Nick sounded like a man no one would mess with. " Wrongs don't make a right. Charlotte must know who her real father is. We're going to give her all the love and support that she needs. People with eyes in their head must have started to take note she has a look of me even if they don't remember my mother. The whole town remembers what went on at the time.

" Of course it will cause a lot of talk. Another nine-day wonder. I'm counting on people's acceptance. I'm counting on their affection for you and for Charlotte. As for me, the contribution I'm going to make to the district should help. "

" How I wish it could be as easy as that! "

" It must be so, Suzannah. We're going to make it so, " Nick said urgently, his hand sweeping from the curve of her chin, down the line of her throat, across her satin-clad shoulder to claim her breast. " I only want to do what is good and right. I don't want the bad times any more. Do you have a problem with that? "

She felt compelled to voice it. " I have a problem with that part of you that blames me for much of what happened. I know now I should have defied my father, I should have made your mother listen to me. I should have made her tell me where you had gone. I should have overcome my fears. I had betrayed you so terribly you wouldn't want to see me. "

" We have to leave all that behind, Suzannah, " he said, feeling her heart racing under his caressing hand.

" Can we? "

" You're the fever in my blood, " he told her, his eyes as black as midnight.

" I wonder if you don't actually hate me in some little way? " she persisted, trying to get it all straight.

" Hate is the road to ruin. " He gave a dark half laugh, slipping his hand under the warm satin, finding her naked flesh.

His touch was exquisite, now rimming the blossoming nipple, teasing it to a tight bud. She didn't resist as he slipped the robe from her shoulders. " You missed the night Charley was born, " she said, sounding young and terribly vulnerable. " I could only think to bite my tongue not to call out for you. I remember the awful pain, then finally, long after, a very small bundle being placed on my breast. I adored her from that moment. I looked around everywhere for you but you weren't there. "

" Don't. " He felt the anguish. Knew the pain.

" You weren't there, either, when she said her first words. You weren't there to catch her when she took her first steps, arms outstretched. You weren't there for her first day at school. My fault. "

" What on earth are you trying to do to me? " He had trouble not inflicting torturous rapture on her body. As it was he lifted her to him, a steely hand at her back.

" I want to know if you hate me for that? " she challenged, making no attempt to break free. " Don't tell me any comforting lies, either. "

" Well then I hate you, " he said in a harsh voice. " Love you. Love you like no one else in the world. You know you hurt me terribly but do you think I'm so cruel I can't weep tears for you? Stop this insane selfrecrimination, Suzannah. Stop it right now before I snap. I'm your husband in my own eyes. Soon in the eyes of the world. Every big decision brings a new set of problems. The whole idea is to find a solution. "

" And one of your solutions is making love? "

He gave an angry laugh. " The way I see it your body was made for me. Are you going to tell me any different? "

" No. " As always her love for him swept her away. No one had Nick's intensity. He gathered her up almost violently, coming to his feet, holding her high, the outline of his tall figure flaring in the light from the bedroom like the areola around the sun.

She turned up a rapt face to him, bones melting, heart swelling, blood turned to honey. " We're going to have a future, " she repeated. " A wonderful future. "

" Tell me you're mine. " He turned a deliberate half circle so the light fell directly on her face like a spotlight.

" I love you, " she said in a worshipping voice, feeling their shared desire like a pulsing electric current. " All the happiness in life depends on you. "

That admission brought his mouth down on hers in a kiss that dizzied her with intense pleasure. The glory of being wanted! The glory of returning such glowing desire.

Nick moved then, full of an absolute elation, carrying her swiftly into the bedroom, placing her like a flower to bloom across his bed.

His vision was whole for him now. Suzannah, himself and their child. A universe of three.

Some days later, with Nick back in Sydney, Suzannah and Charley took their Christmas lists into town. They'd had long discussions over which gifts would best please, now they were out to purchase them. They visited shop after shop, Charley in high good humour, Suzannah catching her first true sense of Christmas. By midday they were laden down with parcels and had to return to the car to leave them before they went on to lunch at Suzannah's favourite small restaurant, which welcomed children.

" Christmas has to be the most wonderful time of the year! " Charley said blissfully, glancing around the riverside restaurant with its sparkling Christmas tree in the foyer, tiny silver Christmas trees decorating the tables and sumptuous red, green and gold swags around the walls. " The room is full of people. We know most of them. " She put up a hand to wave at one of her school friends sitting with her mother and grandmother at a nearby table.

Suzannah, too, turned to smile and the others waved back. " I expect they've all been doing their Christmas shopping like us. Now, my pet, what are you going to have? "

" A lemonade to start. " Charley bowed her head over the menu. " Then maybe chicken and chips. I like it in the basket. Then if I've got any room left, could I please have some mud cake? "

" We'll see. " Suzannah started to smile. It wasn't much good plying Charley with food. She wasn't a big eater. She usually had trouble finishing her main course.

That day, however, she ate with gusto, keeping up a flow of conversation that warmed Suzannah's heart. Charley was a vivid child and, for one so young, she had a wide range of interests. She might as well have been having lunch with an entertaining young adult. Before Nick had gone back to Sydney they had agreed to tell Charley the whole truth surrounding her birth. They would pick the right time and the setting. They would explain it to her as delicately and gently as they knew how, knowing full well there would be a degree of upset in the news… but above all an affirmation of their love for her. Her father had returned to claim her. He would never have left her, only he didn't know. Charley was possessed of intelligence and understanding. They had to rely on it.

They weren't home ten minutes before a car pulled into the driveway, stopping near the front steps.

" It's Aunty Nicole. " Charley, standing in the middle of the hallway, called out to her mother. " She's by herself. What a shame! "

That brought Suzannahh hurrying down the staircase, her hand tight on the banister. Had Valerie told her story? The answer most likely was yes. It was quite possible Nicole had come to have it out with her. But never in front of Charley.

Nicole swept into the entrance hall, looking like a woman under a great deal of pressure. " Hello, Charley, " she said without her usual gentle touch on the child's arm or her shoulder. " Suzannah, may I have a word with you? "

" Of course. " Suzannah's nerves tightened. " Are you alone? You didn't bring the children? "

" Well, I asked them to remain in the car. " Nicole's eyes were overbright, almost glazed, and her cheeks were flushed. " We have lots to do. This will only take a few moments. "

" Oh good! I'll go out and speak to them, " Charley called, running happily from the house.

Interpreting Suzannah's anxious expression, Nicole said bitterly, " Don't worry, they don't know. Not yet! "

Suzannah put out a hand indicating they should go into the drawing room. " I take it Valerie has spoken to you? "

" I had the sensation the floor was going to come up and hit me, " Nicole said, anger and shock thick in her throat. " Suzannah, how could you? You've always been up there so high in my mind. You're so beautiful, so good, my kids love you, now this! You're going to humiliate us all. "

Suzannah brushed that aside. " There's plenty of humiliation in life, Nicole, " Suzannah said. " I'm profoundly sorry to have to hurt the family, but it's time I told the truth. Charley has to know. Nick wants his chance to be a father. He loves Charley already. And she loves him. It's as if at some level she knows. "

" And what about my kids? " Nicole demanded, slumping into an armchair. " Don't you think they're going to be shocked out of their minds? Charley is their cousin. They've grown up with that. Now she isn't. I'm not her aunt. Neither is Kate. Wait until she finds out! Mum has lost a grandchild. I'm just so sick and shocked. "

Suzannah nodded in understanding. " Forgive me, Nicole. That's all I can ask. It's all my fault. I accept the full blame. It's not what I wanted, believe me. "

" You didn't want Martin. " Nicole's eyes misted over.

" I tried to be a good wife to him, Nicole. Don't try to take that away from me, " Suzannah said quietly. " I meant to make my marriage work. "

Nicole was silent, forced to acknowledge it. She sat on the very edge of her chair. " And what about the town? "

Suzannah clicked her tongue. " Stop worrying about the town, Nicole. Nick and I are an old story. The town will talk for a while but they'll adjust. It's the family I'm concerned about. The effect on Charley when we tell her. "

" God! " Nicole was trying to think through layers and layers of consequences. " I know it's tough, Suzy. I even know Martin and your father did a bad thing. But hell! I love Charley. "

" Why not! She loves you. " Suzannah reached out and grasped Nicole's hand.

" Don't let this ruin everything, Nicole. We're all the same people. We all care about one another. I've always called you family and you're still family. Don't cut Charley off. She's only a little girl with her whole life in front of her. Don't ruin her relationship with the children. When you speak to them I want you to be very kind. Kind and forgiving. "

" Hell, why am I so mean? " Nicole gasped. " It's just that I can't take it in, when Mum knew. "

" Martin always spoke to his mother. He always confided in her, " Suzannah explained.

" God, aren't I a fool. And blind. I always thought Charley was the image of you. Maybe she hasn't got your eyes but everything else. Now I can see the resemblance to Nick. How long has he known? "

" Since he first laid eyes on her, " Suzannah said, simply.

" How did he deal with it? " Nicole asked.

" Much better that I dared hope. The guilt has been terrible, Nicole. I've suffered. I suppose the suffering will never stop. "

Nicole cringed. " It has to if we can all escape the shame. "

Suzannah rejected that. " No shame, Nicole. That's a word I won't have any part of. I'm very proud of Charley. And of Nick. What happened, happened. "

" Turning Martin into an alcoholic, " Nicole offered bleakly.

Suzannah shook her head, knowing it was true. " Martin had his own problems, Nicole. You think back about that. He wouldn't allow himself to be happy. I want another chance. "

" So you're going to marry Nick. " It was acceptance, not a question.

Suzannah nodded. " In time. Next year. If he hadn't been driven away, if I hadn't given in to so much pressure, we would have been married long ago. "

Nicole got up slowly from her chair. " I guess so. I always thought you were meant for each other. Just give me a little time with this, Suzy. Why isn't life ever simple? " she turned to ask.

" Because human beings aren't simple. " Tears sprang to Suzannah's eyes from her own wounded place. " Just remember you're all very important to me. You've played a big part in my life. I don't want that to stop. "

Inside the car Charley tried desperately to control her shock and confusion, the anger that made her want for the first time in her life to fight with her cousins. Only they weren't her cousins any longer. Pride kept the tears from her eyes.

" And don't you tell Mummy, either, " Lucy warned. " We weren't supposed to hear. "

" No. Mummy would be terribly angry, " Laura said. " She and Nanna were talking in private. They didn't realise we were outside the door. I feel ashamed now. We stood there listening.

" Oh Charley, " Laura wailed. " Now you're not our cousin we mightn't be able to play with you. "

" I don't want to play with you. " Lucy, childlike, lashed out from the depths of her own upset. Charley had always been her cousin. Now she was some other person. Not even Uncle Martin's child. She felt too dizzy to go shopping. She felt hurt and angry.

In spite of their fraught feelings all three children managed to act normal when Nicole came out. Charley slipped quickly out of the car and ran past Nicole, offering a polite goodbye, without stopping. What should she do? Where should she go? She had to think all this out for herself. It was impossible to be angry with her mother. She loved her mother so much. She was amazed to hear from Lucy that Nick was her father. Nick! No wonder he had said he would pick her for a daughter in all the world. She was his daughter. It was amazing. His mother had been her grandmother. Not Nanna White. So many thoughts pressed down on her head. Why hadn't they told her? Did they think because she was a little kid she didn't need to know? No, that couldn't be right. She and Mummy had lots of long conversations about lots of grown-up things. Why was it such a terrible secret? Were they ashamed of her? That wasn't right, either. It had something to do with Mummy being married to the man she had called " Daddy". The daddy who couldn't bring himself to love her.

Charley felt overwhelmed. In a mess. She remembered how she always felt good when she worked out solutions in maths. She would go off and find a safe place where she could work this whole thing out by herself.

It was getting on towards dusk before Suzannah returned to the house, carrying a basketful of luscious table grapes Kurt Schroeder had picked for her.

" Charley, " she called out. " I'm back. " She thought Charley would come running. She had left Charley in her room watching a new video that would run for over an hour. Plenty of staff were working in close proximity to the house so she was quite safe.

After a few moments she realised Charley wasn't coming. Probably she hadn't heard her. Suzannah left the basket of grapes in the kitchen then walked up the stairs to Charley's room, surprised no sound of the video was coming from it. Surely the movie wasn't over? She had checked on the running time.

When she found the room empty Suzannah's face blanched. She had never really gotten over the fright of the experience in the attic. " Charley, " she called. " Charley. " Her daughter had grown out of playing hideand-seek. She didn't like to make Suzannah anxious.

The house was so large. Too large it now seemed. Suzannah flew around in an increasing panic, calling her daughter's name as she went. Finally convinced Charley wasn't anywhere in the house she ran out into the grounds calling to the staff who were working on, oblivious to any trouble.

Hans was the first one to answer, coming in from the rose garden, stripping off his gloves.

" What is it, Suzannah? " He knew panic when he heard it.

" I can't find Charley anywhere. " Suzannah wrung her hands. " She was in the house watching a video when I left. It's only been an hour. "

" You've searched the house thoroughly? " Hans asked, his thick brows working.

" Yes. She's not there. "

" Right, we search the grounds, the stables. " He turned away immediately to organise the men.

" The stables, oh! " Suzannah felt a ray of hope. " She could be there. " On the other hand Charley would never attempt to ride without permission.

Night fell and Charley still wasn't found. Nick answered his phone at the third ring, his heart rocking as Suzannah, sounding distraught, gave him the news.

" Did something happen to upset her? " he asked, already seeking out a phone contact.

" No, " Suzannah answered, her conviction fading as she gave the question more thought. " Nicole was here, " she said. " She came to see me but the children didn't know. "

" Children have a way of finding out everything, " Nick said grimly.

" Get onto Harris. "

" I already have. " Suzannah made a valiant attempt to pull herself together. " The whole town has turned out to search. Oh, Nick, come quickly. "

He flew in by helicopter, landing on Bellemont's front lawn where a command post had been hastily set up. The news of Charley's disappearance had raised enormous concerns. Nothing like this ever happened in the district. Everyone knew Nick Konrads was a rich man. Suzannah and the child were living at the house. Was there a connection?

Inside the house Nick found Suzannah trying to comfort her sister-in-law, Nicole, when he thought it should have been the other way round.

" Suzannah? "

She went to him and he drew her into his arms, lovingly, protectively, a rock of strength feeling the trembling that ran right through her body. " Nicole has just told me the children knew, " Suzannah told him. " They'd been listening outside the door when she and her mother were talking. "

" And they told Charlotte? " Nick's black eyes came to rest on Nicole's bent blond head. She looked a small, despairing figure.

" I'm afraid so. " Suzannah shuddered. " But Charley said nothing. Nothing at all. She seemed a little preoccupied that's all. I thong she was thinking about what to say on her Christmas cards. She's like that. I left her watching a video. I was only gone an hour. She took Lady. "

" Without permission? " Nick was surprised

" She must have had a good reason, Nick" Suzannah said. " She must have wanted to get away by herself. "

Nicole came over, tried to explain, but Nick put her aside gently. " Has anyone tried the bungalow? " he asked.

" Your parents' place? " Suzannah's heart did a somersault. " I don't know. I wouldn't think so. It wasn't mentioned. "

" Then I think we should try there, " Nick said. The idea simply sprang out. " Where's your car? "

" Take mine, please, " Nicole pleaded. " It's in the drive. The keys are in it. I'll never forgive myself if something has happened to Charley. Neither will the girls. "

Along the route they could see the search parties in the woods and fields, grateful beyond words for the community support.

The bungalow was in total darkness. Just a shape. The electricity had long since been cut off but when Nick and Suzannah broke into the house, they heard to their great relief and joy Charley's startled cry, then a tremulous " Who's there? " It was better than the voice of angels.

" It's me! " Suzannah shouted, walking into a chair. " It's Mummy, darling. Nick is with me. Oh, Charley, where are you? "

Nick flashed his torch, going ahead. It lit up his daughter's small figure standing near the back door. He moved swiftly towards her, calling, " Sweetheart, sweetheart, " an immense gratitude in his heart. She seemed perfectly all right.

" Charlotte, you've given us all such a terrible fright! " His arms closed around her as he lifted her off the ground.

" I'm so sorry, " she said, laying her dark head on his shoulder. " I'm so sorry, Daddy. "

Later when she was safely home in bed and the search parties had been called off-Nick promised the town would be properly thanked-Charley told them all about it. " I wanted to think it all out by myself. I knew you wouldn't let me take Lady out, Mummy, and I'm sorry, but I needed her to get to my grandparents' house. I knew it was the right place to be. I know now why Daddy showed me. "

" How wonderful you can call me that. " Nick bent tenderly over his child, smoothing back her dark hair.

She smiled up at him, the very picture of angelic childhood innocence. " I dreamed you might become my daddy. Now it's true. I thought so hard I fell asleep on the floor. When I woke up it was really dark. Darker than any place I've ever been and the wind was blowing through all the cracks in the doors. But I wasn't afraid, I thought someone really kind was with me. I wasn't game to try to ride Lady home because there wasn't any moon, so I decided to stay until morning. "

" Oh God! " Suzannah murmured.

" I'm sorry, Mummy. Did you have an awful time? " Charley immediately looked contrite.

" I was very worried, Charley, " Suzannah said. " I rang your father straight away. He arrived in a helicopter. "

" Truly? " Charley's eyes opened wide. " Is it still here? "

" No. " Nick moved off the edge of the bed and stood up to go to Suzannah. " But I can always organise a ride. "

" How do you really feel about the news, Charlotte? " he asked. " You must tell us. Your mother and I fully intended to tell you, when I returned at the weekend. We're both very sorry it turned out differently. Nicole's little girls were terribly upset when they thought you were missing. They love you and they want to see you tomorrow. "

" Dear Lucy, dear Laura. I'm not mad at them any more. They can help us wrap the presents, can't they, Mummy? "

" All except their own. So all's well that ends well, Charley? " Suzannah looked deeply into her daughter's eyes, as Nick's arm slipped around her waist, drawing her to him.

" This is going to be the best Christmas ever! " said Charley.

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