Willa and Louie 10 страница

" The doctor was very good with her you know, " Susi continued. " She was sure she'd get over it. "

" I don't think she is. "

Her mother's voice rose. " What do you mean by that? That we should just accept it? Give up? "

" Look what happened to Cathy Colling. "

Her mother made a snorting noise. " Louie's not like her. She's a poor little thing. Anyway, you gave them that free holiday she might come right too. "

Free holiday? What?

" The trip won't change anything, Suse. "

" Oh don't say that, it's not true. Anyway, it was very generous of you. "

Her father sounded exasperated. " Look, I'm just saying Louie might be the same. You can't just bury your head in the sand. "

" Well, I'm not giving up yet. She needs our support and help. That's why this formal is so important. It just might be the turning point. " She heard Susi sigh. " I wonder whether Carol and Don's boy is going. Stephen. He's a lovely boy I might give Carol a ring tomorrow... "

Louie sped down the hall to her bedroom. This was disaster. Stephen Dingwall was lovely all right—a lovely druggie who supplied half the school and kept axolotyls in his bedroom. And what was that about Cathy Colling? Tony had been in touch with her family? Giving them free trips? That must be why Willa had looked at her so strangely when she asked about Cathy. Oh god, thought Louie, poor Willa. Both me and Cathy bundled off on a holiday to get away from her evil influence. She must hate my parents.

The next morning Louie told Mo she'd like to go to the formal after all, with Jeremy, if he was still free. Everyone was delighted. Susi told her to go downtown and pick out a dress of her choice, Vika and Julie went with her and they spent all evening trying on a multitude of garments. She chose a simple black dress with long elegant sleeves, and tried not to remember Willa telling her how great she looked in her mother's " little black dress. "

They had to walk past Burger Giant twice. The first time Louie never turned her head, but the second time she couldn't resist it. Kelly was serving, and behind her Louie just caught a flash of red hair.

Jeremy rang her the next night. He was nervous and nice; he even managed to stutter out how pleased he was that she was going with him. Louie thought he would do fine; and after the formal she was definitely giving him the flick.

Three nights that week Louie worked at Burger Giant. After much angling, she still couldn't get out of Kelly whether or not Willa was going to the formal. Eventually Simone told her that Willa was going to Kevin's party on Saturday night, along with everyone else not on shift.

" Are you coming? " asked Simone.

Lome shrugged. " Haven't been invited. Anyway, I've got the formal. "

" But this'll be really late, like after eleven, " said Kelly. " It's an open party. Go on, it'll be a blast. "

Louie smiled. " Maybe. "

" Louie, " came a voice from behind. " You've got to come, it's the party of the century. " Kevin leaned against the chip warmer and smiled. " Bring your mates. The more the merrier. "

Louie flicked close the flaps of a double cheese burger and handed it on to Kelly. " I don't think so, Kevin. "

The days leading up to the formal were a complete waste of time. Nobody learned a thing at school, and every available second was devoted to discussion of Saturday night. Vika was having a party afterwards, Louie—incredibly—was offered the car to take them all, Mo had an argument with Dion who refused to wear a suit. Briefly Louie thought how awful the hype must be for Willa and others who weren't going.

But in fact, Louie was in for a surprise. When she, Jeremy, Mo, Dion, Jay, Vika, Julie and Geoff arrived at the school hall there, immediately ahead of them being introduced to the principal, was Willa. She was with Marcus, the fencing guy Louie had met once, and he was wearing a white tux.

Willa looked absolutely stunning. Louie felt her breath disappear at the sight. She was in a long green velvet dress, and had wrapped her hair in a black and green velvet band, so the red poured out the back in ringlets like flame.

" It will flame out, like shining from shook foil, " quoted Louie, overcome.

" Pardon? " said Jeremy, and when she didn't reply he shook hands politely with the principal and her husband.

Mo was instantly by Louie's side. " Are you all right? " she asked her.

" No. "

" I didn't think she was coming. "

Louie closed her eyes for a moment. " Neither did I. "

" Oh, Louie. "

" It's okay. I can handle it. I just don't want to have to speak to her. "

Mo was wonderful. She was on one side of Louie all night, Jeremy on the other, but still Willa seemed to be everywhere. The dark green with the white tux looked so striking, and a number of people admired them. Louie tried not to watch, but there they were, laughing with Ms. Rosen, talking to people Louie didn't even know, dancing, helping themselves to supper.

Louie danced and talked with Jeremy, trying to distract herself, but she knew she was talking nonsense. Jeremy didn't seem real. He was every bit as nice as Mo had promised, which made it worse. She didn't want to be using this guy to get through the night, knowing she would never want to see him again, but every time she looked at him that's what she saw—someone temporary, almost cardboard, someone she could move around the hall as a sort of shield against Willa and Marcus.

Almost every minute Louie knew exactly where they were in the hall. Then, at one point Louie stopped dancing with Jeremy, stopped and stood in the middle of the hall gazing frantically around. Marcus was talking with one of the band, but Willa was nowhere.

" What's up? You lost something? " asked Jeremy, puzzled.

" Ahh—mmm, " stammered Louie.

" Do you want to sit down? " He took her hand and led her towards some seats. At that moment Willa came through the door from the foyer and scanned the room looking for Marcus. Her eyes met Louie's and Louie thought she'd never felt so desperate before in her life. She gazed at Willa, begging her to do something, come over and take her away from all this, but Willa frowned and looked the other way. Jeremy was trying to steer Louie into a spare seat he'd found, and she followed him, her vision blurring with tears. God, I can't cry now!

While Jeremy was getting her a juice, and Mo was trying to distract her with some story about Dena Masons boyfriend Greg being thrown out, Louie followed Willa's every move. The band started up a slow number and Louie watched as Marcus asked Willa to dance. Say no, please say no.

They moved onto the dance floor. Marcus had his arm around Willa's waist, he held her close, his face against her hair, talking. One hand held hers, the other rested on the base of Willa's back and began to slide back and forth very slowly. Louie fixed her eyes on it, feeling every touch through her whole body. She didn't even hear Jeremy ask her to dance.

" Come on, Lou, we'd better go. " It was Mo. " Lou, " her voice was stern.

Louie looked up. Mo was standing in front of her, but all Louie could see was Marcus's hand on Willa's back.

" Let's go. "

Jeremy was standing too, looking at her oddly.

Mo took her arm and pulled her quickly through the foyer to the toilets.

" You've got to get out of here, Lou. You're going to lose it. "

Louie felt the tears begin.

" No, don't cry! Don't, please. " Mo grabbed a tissue out of her sleeve and dabbed at Louie's face, then enfolded her in a hug. " It'll be all right. Let's just get away from here, eh? "

A couple of other girls were looking on, interested. One of them gave Louie a particularly sympathetic look and said, " Hey, listen, guys just aren't worth it, you know? "

Louie nodded dumbly at her, then looked at Mo and they both burst out laughing. Once Louie had started she couldn't stop the mixture of laughter and tears, and the two other girls lifted an eyebrow at each other and walked out. Louie and Mo collapsed into further hysterics. It was a long time before Louie could control herself enough to actually blow her nose, then Mo helped fix her make-up, they found their coats and bags and headed back out to the others.

" I don't want to go to Vika's party, " Louie confessed to Mo.

" That's okay. But can you drop us off there? "

" Sure. " Louie paused as they reached the foyer. The dance was finishing and people were already pouring out of the hall. " But what about Jeremy? "

Mo paused with her and scanned the crowd. " Hmm, " she said after a moment. " That problem might solve itself. " She indicated to their left. Jeremy was leaning against a wall talking animatedly with Dena Mason, who was beaming back to him at about a thousand volts.

" Oh, Louie. " Jeremy smiled nervously when they appeared. " I wasn't sure where you'd got to. You know Dena, don't you? "

Louie and Mo nodded and Dena smiled sneakily.

" We used to be in the same cross-country team, " Jeremy continued. " Um, Dena says there's a party at her place now. Do you think...? "

" You're very welcome to come, " Dena invited them smoothly.

" Thanks, " said Louie. " But you know, Jeremy, I'm feeling a bit tired. I'd rather just head home now, though if you want to go on to Dena's, that's fine. Honestly. "

Jeremy looked extremely awkward. " Well... umm... "

" I mean it, " Louie assured him. " I'll give you a lift if you like. "

" I can give you a lift, " offered Dena. " There's plenty of room in my car. "

Jeremy looked from one to the other and decided not to angst. " Okay, " he shrugged, accepting Dena's offer. " If that's okay with you, Louie, it'd be sweet. "

As they left Louie saw two things. One was Jeremy heading towards the official photo corner with Dena Mason; the other was Willa huddling under Marcus's black greatcoat as they hurried across the carpark in the rain.

Willa

Music was already blaring from the old villa on the hill. The front door stood open to the ram, as did the windows, and people were standing under the shelter of the wide verandah, talking, drinking, dancing. Yellow light spilled onto their faces and Willa thought they looked ghoulish.

Inside it was all faces, bodies, cigarettes, glasses, bottles. The music thumped into Willa's ears and she could feel the heavy vibration through the floor, the tinny ringing of the walls. She spotted Kelly and Kevin and they waved. Kevin looked bleary-eyed already.

Marcus found them a spot on some floor cushions and Willa reluctantly joined him. This was the bit she had been dreading most, especially since it was the bit Marcus had looked forward to most. He handed her a can of beer.

" Here's to your one and only school formal, " he toasted, then tore off the tab with a pluss.

Willa took her time drinking the bitter liquid, thinking if she kept the can at her mouth, Marcus wouldn't be able to kiss her. Then she lit a cigarette on the same premise. Kevin paraded past them with Kelly blissfully in tow.

He yelled something at Willa over the music. She couldn't understand it. The third time he repeated it right into her face.

" Ya happy? " he screamed. His breath was hot and foul-smelling. Willa nodded to get rid of him. He winked and gave Marcus the thumbs up.

Willa tried to get Marcus to join others dancing in a separate room, but he wouldn't go. She suggested it would be quieter outside on the verandah, but he didn't want to lose their seats. In the end she gave up and let him kiss her. It wouldn't be too bad, and if she let him do it for a while she could go home.

What she hadn't counted on was the effect of another person's mouth on hers. As soon as their lips touched, Willa thought of Louie. Her head was filled with how different Marcus felt; how rough his face, how dry his lips, how big his tongue wallowing in her mouth. For a moment she had to fight off nausea, then she screwed up her eyes and concentrated on getting through it. It was quarter to one; Willa reckoned by one-thirty she could ask Marcus to take her home.

Whenever she couldn't bear it any longer, she pulled away, smiled at Marcus and took a breather. She smoked several cigarettes and opened but didn't drink about four cans of beer. If she saw Kelly or Simone she desperately tried to engage them in conversation but sooner or later Marcus would draw her close again, and plant his mouth on hers.

She guessed it was about one o'clock when it happened. Willa was just thinking she could go to the loo for a while and crib a few minutes, when she heard a disturbance. Pulling away from Marcus, she opened her eyes and saw Louie standing in the door opposite, dripping with ram.

Kevin was beside her, smiling and pointing at Willa but Louie didn't seem to be listening. Her eyes were fixed on Willa, her face a death mask.

Willa froze, staring back at her. Louie was still in her black dress, covered by a shabby duffel coat she'd got somewhere, which was heavy and sodden with rain. That and her wild expression made her look strange, a bit crazy. Louie's eyes moved slowly to Marcus. Then her face went ugly and distorted and she stormed across the room yelling something, pushing a woman out of her way. Marcus and Willa stood up together and Willa opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. It was too late. Louie reached them, screamed at Marcus, grabbed him, shoved him, and he fell over.

Willa heard herself yell out Louie's name and then there was a general commotion. Someone tried to grab Louie, Marcus was jumping up off the floor, Kevin was smirking stupidly in the background. Willa met Louie's eyes, streaming with ram and tears. " I can't believe you'd do this, " Louie said, then shook herself free and ploughed back through the crowd.

Willa turned to Marcus who appeared to be more mystified than hurt, and opened her mouth to explain. But there was nothing she could say to Marcus, not now. There was just a huge dragging sensation in her stomach as if it was ripping apart.

She dropped her cigarette in an empty can and said simply, " I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, " and she stumbled through the people and out the verandah after Louie. Somebody yelled, " Where the hell's she going? " then a door slammed on the pumping music.

It was pouring with rain. It splashed into Willa's hair and face and she knew she was already shivering, although she didn't think of the cold. She looked up and down the steep winding road and saw no sign of Louie. She didn't even know whether she'd driven there or was on foot. Willa began running down the hill anyway. If she had to she could run all the way to the Metal Petal, and to hell with Susi and Tony Angelo. She ripped off her high shoes and ran in bare feet down the road. The loose metal cut into her feet, but the pain felt good and she ran faster, ram pelting into her velvet dress.

There was a gully on one side of the hill, houses banked up on the other. Below, the lights of the city jittered to Willa's running. The road wound like a dark wet snake up, down and back on itself and felt to Willa like a journey in her head through the past few tortuous months.

Around a sharp bend she saw a cloud of white mist rising up from the gully. She was almost out of breath and pulled up to a stop. Then she saw it—the lights of a car, flaring up from the bush. The cloud wasn't mist, it was exhaust, exhaust from the still running engine of a white Mercedes.

Willa plunged down the bank, ripping her dress on branches and grabbing gorse that tore her hands. The car was standing on end like the prow of a sleek white boat thrown up by the land. Things moved in milliseconds. Willa remembered snatching at doors that wouldn't open. She could see a shape inside. She was banging both hands on the roof in frustration, then she was banging on a front door and a woman in a floral dressing gown was looking at her. She saw men, torches and Louie, being pulled, so slowly, out the broken windscreen and all around them white steam lit up by the torches as if they were standing on a cloud watching Louie going to heaven. She was sticking her fingers down Louie's throat and wiping blood from her face, black sticky blood. She was gently removing a sliver of glass sticking out of Louie's cheek. The glass pulsed red, so did the bushes and someone said, " Thank God, they're here. "

Then she was at the hospital, and people were talking to her. The words bounced off her randomly though she tried to catch them one by one. Nurses were trying to take her away and she fought. She looked down at Louie on a bed. Louie looked back at her and tried to speak. She was alive.

Willa was sitting in a small room with people she didn't know, when a priest walked in. He had soft brown hair and dark eyes and sat down beside her.

" You must be Willa, " he said, touching her shoulder.

" Yes. "

" I'm Father Campion, Louie's parish priest. You know she's going to be okay, don't you? "

Willa stared at him.

" She's out of X-ray and they had to fix a few broken bones, but there's nothing internal. "

Nothing internal.

" Nothing wrong internally, I should say. " And he smiled. " She told me about you. Described you perfectly. "

" Can I see her? "

He nodded. " The doctor said she was asking for you. Willa, " he said, as they stood up, " her parents are there too. "

Willa frowned and walked with the priest along the quiet corridor to the room they'd put Louie in. She could hear his footsteps but her own feet didn't seem to touch the floor. She looked down and noted absently that her feet were bare and swollen, covered in cuts.

They turned through the door of a small room and Willa saw Tony and Susi first. Tony stepped across the room and enveloped her in a hug.

" Willa, thank god. Thank god you found her. I'm so sorry, " he said and his voice went croaky. " I'm so sorry about everything. " He gripped her harder for a long moment then released her. " She would have suffocated if you hadn't got her tongue out of her throat. I can't believe it, she could have been dead. "

Susi had tears rolling down her face. She looked so miserable that Willa went to her and wrapped her arms around the woman who just cried and cried. Over her shoulder Willa saw Louie, lying peacefully, a plastered leg in traction and bandages round her shoulder and one arm. Susi let go and Willa walked over to the bedside.

" They've given her something to make her sleep, " said Tony. " She was asking for you, but... "

Willa leaned down and touched Louies hair, the black curls that sprang back into her hand, teasing. One eye was bruised and swollen, puffed up as if some red and purple creature was growing underneath it, and there was a row of neat black stitches like a zip down one cheek. Willa examined the nick in her other cheek where she'd removed the tiny spear of glass, and marvelled at the tracery of veins in her throat, her pale shell-like ear and the tiny moving pulse below it. She was alive.

Willa sat there for a long time, thinking. How she'd nearly lost Louie. How hard she'd been on her. She remembered the priest and wondered how much Louie had said to him. And who else? If only Louie'd been able to talk to her.

She cried then, dropped her head onto the bedclothes and felt the hot, wet tears soak into the sheet. There were arms around her shoulders, and someone rubbed her back, but Willa could only think of all the tears she'd cried, Louie had cried. Eventually, she raised her head again and wiped her face with a velvet sleeve.

" It was too hard, " she whispered. Tony Angelo had tears in his eyes, too. " Too hard. "

Willa and Louie

It rained for two weeks. The drops bounced off the ground on the road outside Kevins flat, and bounced off the beer cans still lying in the front yard. Rivulets gathered and flowed off the gravel road and down the bank where Louie had crashed the car, forming a muddy pool in the dent left in the bush. In town it drained into the softening earth and fed the roots of trees that were beginning to sprout red tips on their branches and it collected in the grey-green cones of tulips and daffodils that were budging through the soil.

The ram worked its way through the iron roof of Burger Giant, ran down a wall stud and filled up the powerboard until it short-circuited, plunging the shop into darkness. Deirdre took it upon herself to shut the doors, turn the main and tell the electrician to wait till morning. It dripped all night onto Kevins desk.

At the Duke, Jolene put buckets and pots under the leaks in her bedroom and the kitchen. The water ran over the edge of the spouting just above the lounge bar door and the customers complained so much that she sent Sid onto the roof in the pouring ram to fix it. Willa cooked flat out in the kitchen to keep up with the demand for hot meals and Judas flopped in corners yawning and sighing at the boredom of it all.

From the Metal Petal Susi enquired about the cost of installing a free-standing designer fireplace and ordered long woollen curtains for the living room. Periodically she leaned in the doorway of Louie's empty bedroom and stood there thinking.

And at the hospital, Louie hobbled across the ward on her crutches, cracked a joke with the nurse and followed her father down the lift, across the foyer and out the main entrance doors. At the feel of the rain on her shoulders Louie smiled, lifted her head and closed her eyes, letting it patter over her face. Then she swung forward into the rocking gait that was becoming so familiar, and headed for the taxi.

That first day Louie spent re-orienting herself, resting, and discovering that crutches slip on polished wood floors. She listened hard to the speech her mother so painfully delivered and looked dutifully at the school work she had to catch up on. She even ate the whole helping of roast chicken and salad her mother gave her for lunch, although she'd lost so much weight in hospital, it was hard to ht it in. When Willa finally arrived, the rain had stopped and the world seemed washed clean. The sun shone in a clear blue sky, the hills tingled with green, birds darted amongst the trees. The flax outside Louie's door was shiny and sharp-edged in the sun and she watched a tui dip into a pottle of honey water.

They had spent plenty of time talking at the hospital since Louie's accident, but they hadn't been properly alone together since the night Susi had discovered them. Willa was more shy than Louie.

" I feel like we're back to square one, " she said.

" Weird, eh. "

" I'm scared to touch you in case it hurts. "

Louie didn't answer for a while. She stared into the distance and then said, " A coward dies an inch a day, a hero is quick dead. " She smiled at Willa. " It's a poem. "

" Really. "

" I read it in hospital. "

" You certainly tried your best to be a hero, then. "

" You were the hero. " They looked at each other for a moment. Louie picked the carpet. " I was cowardly, Willa. I know that. "

" Don't. "

Willa noticed the dark circles under Louie's eyes when she looked down. She was so thin it scared Willa, but she knew better than to start in about the eating now. Give her time, she thought, time to like herself again.

" I memorised something else, listen, " said Louie. " What need have you of the black tents of your tribe, who has the red pavilion of my heart? "

" It's beautiful. "

" Tribal. That's what's been happening. I have to give up the black tents. "

They sat for a while, silent. The tui ducked, listened, piped a green song into the air and flew off.

" Dare truth or promise, " said Willa.

Louie grinned. " Dare. "

" Come out to dinner with me. "

" Dinner? "

" You, me and a restaurant. " Willa paused. " A date. "

Louie twiddled the bare toes that stuck out the end of her plaster, smiling to herself. Then she turned to Willa. " You're on. "

They chose a small Greek restaurant above the city with open fires and small candlelit tables. " Tré s romantique, " said Louie, stomping across the floor on her crutches, nervous, obnoxious. Willa handed a bottle of wine to the waiter.

" You're not allowed to drink, you're underage, " said Louie.

" Your father gave it to me. "

" What? "

Willa laughed. " Tony gave it to me as we got into the taxi. Try not to think about it. "

" Good grief. Any other secrets you have with my parents? "

Willa sat down and wondered what to say. It wasn't really the right time, but...

" Well, your mum had a word with me, " said Willa.

" Worser and worser. What did she say? "

Willa looked at Louie straight. " Stuff about giving you time, exams, other interests... you know. "

" Oh god. "

" It was okay. She also said I was free to—how did she put it? —'form whatever relationship we decide upon together. '"

Louie spluttered and her neck flushed. " I think she practised that one. I got exactly the same phrase. Along with the sex one. "

" The sex? " Willa's voice rose and they both cringed, glanced at other diners.

" She doesn't want to know about it, basically, " whispered Louie.

" Thank god! "

They sat still for a bit, embarrassed, until the waiter brought the wine. " At least this'll be good, " said Louie.

It was. They drank the wine and ate the food—Louie pretending she didn't notice Willa watching her plate carefully—and talked about all the safe things: school, Mo, Julie, Vika, netball, music, Burger Giant, what to do when you get an itch under plaster. Louie played to the gallery, asking the waiter for a kebab skewer to scratch her leg with. He, no stranger to dinner comedy, presented her with a flaming skewer to the delight of the kitchen staff and other diners. The by play continued over a doggy bag for Judas, which was promised in return for a dance. Louie took up the challenge and said she would pose on the dance floor like a Greek statue, since she was plastered in both senses of the word, and the waiter danced around her to general applause.

She wasn't drunk, as Willa knew. She just had to wind down. Willa waited, amused, enjoying the entertainment, enjoying Louie's glances to make sure Willa was watching. Over coffee Louie relaxed, drew herself into the scope of their one table. They talked a little about Cathy.

" Trust Dad to think a free trip would fix everything, " snorted Louie.

" That wasn't all he did. Cathy said he talked her parents into letting her go to a therapist. Mind you, I think she's getting obsessed with her therapist now. "

" Poor Cathy. " Louie paused. " Was she always like that? "

" Like what? "

" You know—all pensive thought and aspect pale, melancholy sweet and frail. Sorry, " she added, awkward.

Willa shrugged. " It's okay. I just still can't believe you can do that. Find words for things. "

" Only some things. "

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