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Gabriel’s office door is shut as I pause in front of it, debating whether I should even say anything. But then I realize it would just seem childish if I didn’t, so I knock lightly, feeling a little awkward as I wait for him to call out. When he does I open it to find him sitting in front of his desk with a stack of paperwork.

“How did your meetings go today?” I ask.

“Good,” he mutters, not even bothering to look at me. “Yep, everything is good.”

Okay then. “Alright, well I can see you’re busy, so I’ll leave you to it. I’m going to meet Alanna for a while.”

Gabriel spins around in his chair and looks up at me, a lingering note of sadness in his eyes. Again I want to beg him to tell me what’s wrong with him, but I can’t. I’ve already asked him several times since I’ve been home, and he needs to tell me on his own.

“Victoria, I….” His words fall short with a deep sigh, and I can tell he doesn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay, Gabriel,” I reassure him. “I’m going. You can do your work in peace. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Okay,” he says softly.

***

When I get to the bar, a Mexican themed place named Cabo, I’m greeted by Alanna and two Pina coladas. She hands me one of them and eagerly takes a sip, motioning to our table.

“We’re over there,” she says. “Ladies night out. I have so missed this.”

“Me too,” I manage to say between sips. I did miss her. It’s weird not having a place together anymore when we’ve been living together for so long. I didn’t even have time to prepare or get used to the idea. I just came back to find my apartment, and my life as I knew it, gone.

I follow Alanna to the table across the room and sit down. There’s upbeat music playing from the speakers above, and I feel myself relax as I look across the table at my happy companion.

“So,” Alanna starts. “You said Gabriel’s acting weird. What’s going on?”

I smile at her eagerness to get to the bottom of the situation. At least she hasn’t changed drastically in my absence. “I don’t know what’s going on,” I say. “Was he acting weird while I was gone?”

“If by acting weird you mean him brooding the whole time and throwing a temper tantrum every time you refused to see him, then yes.” Alanna laughs. “I think he went mad without you around.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t seem like it now.” I frown. “He seems like he can’t get far enough away from me. He spent all night in his office, and I don’t know if he even came to bed.”

Alanna furrows her brows in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” I groan. “He’s treating me like I might break. The sex has been… I don’t know different. And besides that, he’s hardly touching me.”

“Hmm…” Alanna taps her fingers across the table. “Is he stressed at work or something?”

“Could be, I don’t know. We don’t really talk much about his job. He’s trying to start up his business, so I guess he could be stressed about that.”

“Well, maybe that’s it then.” She smiles reassuringly.

“I don’t know. It could be, but I don’t think it is. Something just doesn’t feel right. And I don’t like it.”

“Well you are still having sex though right?” she asks as she scrunches up her face.

“Yes, well we have. But not like before. And I practically had to throw myself at him today.”

“Well,” Alanna says, “I don’t know what’s going through his mind babe, but if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that he loves you. You should have seen him when you went away, he was devastated. You were all he talked about. And if I had to guess, I would just say he is stressed from work or something. You just need to take his mind off of it.”

“And how do I do that?” I ask.

“Just don’t take no for an answer. Do some of that kinky stuff you guys like.” She winks. “I don’t know, be creative. You know him better than I do.”

I mull over her advice, wondering if it could work.

“Thanks, Alanna. I don’t know how you do it, but you always make me feel better.”

“Oh trust me…” She takes another sip of her drink. “When I’m through with you tonight, you will be feeling much better. I hear some margaritas calling our name.”

Chapter Ten

Victoria

The next morning, I glance at the alarm clock and groan. It’s already past nine, which means I missed Gabriel this morning. I make a mental note then and there that I really need to find a real job now. But first, I have something more important to do today.

It’s ten minutes to noon when I arrive at Gabriel’s office. I chat with his secretary Margie for a moment, and she informs me he’s out but will be back shortly. She gives me a conspiratorial wink as I sneak into his office to wait for him.

As I sit in his chair, attempting to be patient, I feel like there’s a giant knot lodged in my throat. Because I can’t stop wondering what will happen if he rejects me today. I really don’t think I can handle that possibility.

But then I remember the last time I came here to do this, and how passionately he took me then. My breathing calms and when I look down into my hands, I realize that I’m instinctively tapping the riding crop against my palm.

The door swings open, and Gabriel walks in, pausing when he sees me in his chair.

“Victoria, what are you doing here?”

I swallow my nerves and try to muster up a smile. This isn’t exactly the warm welcome I was going for. Even though my confidence is wavering at this point, I decide to follow through with my plan. Because deep down inside of me, I know we can’t keep going on like this. Whatever Gabriel has going on at the moment, I need to know that he still wants me too.

“Just thought I’d pay you a little visit, handsome.” My voice isn’t nearly as seductive as I’m going for. “I brought you a gift,” I say, holding up the crop in my hand.

When he doesn’t move, I saunter over to him, letting him drink me in with his gaze. Despite the frown on his face, his eyes are hooded, and I take that as a good sign. But as soon as I put my hand on his chest, he stiffens. An odd look flashes through his eyes before he places his hand over mine, effectively stopping me.

“I’m sorry, Victoria, but I can’t today. I have some important meetings.” His tone is stiff, dismissive even, and something else that sounds vaguely like anger.

Still, I refuse to take no for an answer. I slowly pull up my skirt to reveal my new garter and lace panties, hoping I can tempt him that way. “We can be quick.”

“Victoria,” he admonishes me, his voice harsh, “please don’t embarrass yourself. I said I can’t.”

What. The. Fuck.

My heart lurches in my chest, and I can’t contain the horrified look on my face as his rejection sears through me. He’s never said anything like that to me before. And beyond all reason, I can’t see the point in talking this out right now. I feel my legs, along with my wounded pride, running for the door. Just as I’m about to make my escape, his hand wraps around my arm.

“Victoria,” he rasps. “Wait.”

His voice is laced with regret, but I don’t know why. In the back of my mind, I wonder if he’s just afraid of causing an embarrassing scene in his office. The thought is enough to send me over the edge. Before I can get control of myself, I turn around and slap him.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” I hiss.

I can’t believe how feral I sound. And apparently he can’t either because he’s actually gaping at me.

I run out the door and directly into the crowded elevator that’s just about to close. It takes everything inside of me to wait until I make it onto the street before I burst into full blown tears, but I do. As I shuffle down the sidewalk with everyone staring at me like a lunatic, my cell phone starts ringing in my purse. I know it’s Gabriel, but I have no desire to talk to him right now, so I put it on silent and hail a cab.

As soon as I get back to the apartment, I’m at a loss as to what I should do. I can’t believe I actually slapped him. But part of me, the immature little girl inside, still thinks he deserves it, and therefore, refuses to feel guilty.

The way he acted towards me today was so cold, it felt like we’ve reverted back to the very beginning. Somehow the dynamic between us has changed, and my sweet Gabriel is slipping away from me. The thought is crippling, and I don’t know what else to do.

When I finally pull out my phone, I see I have ten missed calls from Gabriel. And one text.

I’m sorry Victoria,

Please don’t be angry.

The words that I really need to hear aren’t there. I hesitate for a moment before coming to a decision. It just isn’t enough. That isn’t an explanation, and I can’t sit here, in his apartment, feeling totally out of place. It serves as a brutal reminder of why I never wanted a relationship to begin with. Because, inevitably, I always end up hurt. And I hate the fact that I have nowhere to go, feeling so displaced.

I head for the closet and stuff as many of my clothes as I can into an overnight bag. I don’t want to take everything. At least not yet. Because that would mean admitting it’s over. As I head back down in the elevator, I try calling both Alanna and Trevor. Neither of them answers. I feel frustrated and alone as I hail a taxi to the nearest hotel.

I book in for the night, unsure of what I’m going to do tomorrow. When I open the door with my key, I remember how much I hate hotel rooms. They’re the place I spent a great deal of my years on the run, and they never felt like home. Granted, they weren’t nearly as nice as this place, but that really makes no difference.

I collapse onto the bed and flip through the TV channels, not really seeing anything on the screen. It’s just a way to distract my mind from the painful silence around me. Eventually, I curl up on the bed and close my eyes, allowing myself to succumb to the emotional exhaustion.

When I wake again, I reach for my cell phone, anxiety blooming in my chest. It’s 8:00 pm and Gabriel will be home by now. But when I flip open the phone, the only texts I find are from Trevor and Alanna. My heart sinks as my mind confirms this is what I’d been expecting all along.

I call Alanna back, giving her a brief rundown of the day’s events, and she agrees to take me out to get my mind off everything. I hang up with a satisfied smile on my face, knowing exactly where I want to go.

Alanna arrives an hour later, and she’s brought Trevor with her. They both glance at my sexy black dress and then at each other before ushering me out the door. When we get to the Club, Alanna just throws her head back in laughter.

“Oh Victoria, you are such a saucy little minx, aren’t you! I know exactly what you’re doing now… and I have to say it’s brilliant!”

I smile weakly at her. My intentions are completely transparent because I used Gabriel’s name to get in. They will have to call him and confirm it, alerting him that I’m here. But I don’t care. The immature child in me wants him to be jealous. To feel something… anything.

One hour and three shots later, I’m tearing it up on the dancefloor when he arrives. He watches from the front bar, looking sexy as hell in dark wash jeans and a black tee shirt. The people around him have parted like the red sea, but he doesn’t take notice. He’s looking down at me, and I can’t really read his expression. It faintly resembles… disappointment. I realize I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on his face before, and it tears me apart. Before I can wrap my head around it, he turns to leave… without saying one word.

Without a second thought, I run after him, confusion and horror warring inside of me.

“Gabriel!”

He stops and slowly turns around to face me, making sure to keep his distance.

“Victoria, I think…” His voice cracks and his eyes are dark and sad again. “I’m leaving for a business trip tonight. I will be gone for a few days. I would like you to return to the apartment, I don’t like you staying in a hotel. When I get back, then we can discuss all of this.”

“Tonight?” I croak. “That doesn’t even make any sense. It’s already nearly ten, where could you possibly be going? And you never said anything, until now?”

“Victoria, it’s for the best,” he mutters. “I think we could both use a break before either one of us says something else we’ll regret.”

I try my best to steel myself as I stare up into his eyes, preparing for the inevitable heartbreak. “Gabriel, if you don’t want me anymore, just say it. No point dragging it out. You don’t have to feel responsible for me, I can stand on my own two feet. I can get all my stuff and be out of your hair by tomorrow.”

He cuts me off by pulling me close and giving me a chaste kiss on my lips. His hand brushes against my cheek as he steps back, and I instinctively lean into it.

“Victoria, I love you,” he says. “I never said I don’t want you, but I just… need some time right now.”

“Time for what?” I demand. “Why are you doing this to me? Is it because you feel differently about me now? Are you not attracted to me, what is it? Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

I’m getting hysterical, I know it, but I don’t care. Gabriel doesn’t answer any of my questions. He doesn’t give me any false hope as he turns and leaves without another word.

Chapter Eleven

Victoria

Time passes slowly in his absence. It hurts to breathe, to even move, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive this. Just when I thought I could finally be free, everything is being torn away from me again. I feel like the universe is playing some sick joke on me, and I want to scream. To break something, anything. But I don’t.

He doesn’t call. And I’m back in the apartment, but I don’t know why. Everything inside of me is telling me to go, but I need answers first. So here I sit, watching the rain fall from the sky, blanketing New York in its own sadness.

And then Gabriel walks through the door. He’s a sight for sore eyes in his black pants and blue dress shirt. It occurs to me that he must have bought another one, and idly, I hope it’s because I told him I liked the color.

He sets down his bags and stands in front of the door, watching me warily. I curl into the couch, unsure of what to say or do. It’s clear we are at an impasse.

“Victoria,” he says, taking a few steps closer. “I’m glad you’re here. I missed you.”

My heart aches at those words, and I want to fling myself into his arms, but I know I can’t. There are still things that need to be said, so I settle for the only words I can manage.

“I missed you too,” I whisper.

He takes a few more steps, and I hold my breath as he sits down on the couch beside me. His blue eyes are roving over me, sad and lost and filled with pain. I want to comfort him if only I knew how.

His hand comes up to my cheek, his fingers dancing along my skin as I tremble beneath him. The touch is so small, and yet it means so much to me. When his lips find mine, I can’t control myself any longer. I climb into his lap, thrusting my fingers through his hair as I clutch his head. I kiss him as if my very life depends on it. Until all of the air has been sucked from both of our lungs and he pulls away.

“Baby,” he says, his voice husky with desire. “We need to talk first. Please.”

I sink back into the couch, my stomach tying itself in knots.

“Okay. Then talk.”

He looks at me with an uplifted eyebrow, a slow smile creeping across his face. “You want me to start then?”

“Well, I don’t know where to start since you’re the one with the problem.” I don’t mean for the words to come out so sharply, but I know this is it. Everything hangs in the balance right now.

His gaze searches mine as he sits back and takes my hand in his. “Victoria, to answer your questions,” he begins, “I absolutely want to be with you, I love you more than anything on this planet, and I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. I always will.”

My heart starts to beat again for the first time in days, and I clutch him a little tighter, afraid to let go. “So what’s been going on with you then?” I ask. “Is it work?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Work is fine. I just…” he pauses for a moment looking at me nervously. “After what happened, and while you were gone, I had a lot of time to think. And I realized the enormity of everything you’ve been through. I didn’t before, as you said I had underestimated Eleanore. You didn’t think I would understand, and you were right.”

“It’s okay Gabriel,” I reassure him. “It’s all in the past. We don’t have to worry about any of that now.”

“No, we do,” he says firmly. “You opened up to me, you trusted me. You told me about all of the abuse you endured, and I…. I was a selfish man Victoria. I didn’t really think about it, I just kept going with the way things were. Doing things to you that I shouldn’t have. I realize now that I’ve contributed to your pain, I’ve hurt you, and it’s not okay. It feels wrong to me now.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask. “You’ve never hurt me.”

His eyes fill with anguish as he stares at the floor, his shame written clearly across his face. “Yes, I have, Victoria. The things you like me to do to you. It isn’t right. I just think we should have a normal relationship now.”

“Are you talking about the sex?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes.”

“Gabriel, that’s ridiculous. You’ve never hurt me. It isn’t the same thing as what that man did to me, it’s not even in the same fucking realm.”

“No,” he growls. “Victoria, I took advantage of you. And the whole time you were gone, refusing to see me, I kept thinking that was why. Because I was just another asshole that let you down. You think it’s alright, but it’s not. How can it be?”

“It is right, Gabriel. That had nothing to do with why I couldn’t see you. This thing between us, it’s the only way I want now. And I know that you want it too. I don’t understand why you’re doing this. You said you wouldn’t be weird about it, and that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Gabriel stands up and stalks across the room, pacing back and forth in front of the breakfast bar. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he rasps. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

I stand up and follow him, wrapping my arms around his hard body. He turns into me and I press my cheek to his warm chest, inhaling the comforting scent that is uniquely Gabriel.

“Did you ever feel like this before?” I ask carefully. “When you were doing the same thing to countless other women?”

“No,” he says quietly.

“Well, why not? Why do you feel like that now?”

“Because.” He squeezes me in his arms. “I didn’t love them. I didn’t feel bad about doing it to them because they were all using me too. But it’s different with you…”

“But it wasn’t different before I told you what happened to me,” I interrupt. “And now all of the sudden it is?”

“I don’t know,’ Gabriel mutters, confusion settling in his eyes.

“You like dominating me,” I say. “You told me in the beginning that was part of who you are.”

“Of course I like it,” he groans. “But that doesn’t make it right.”

“Don’t you get it?” I plead. “I like what you do to me. More than that… I love it. In a world where it feels like there is uncertainty around every corner, the only place I feel safe, the only place I have ever felt safe, is when I’m in your arms, Gabriel. When I’m vulnerable to you. You’ve taught me how to trust again.”

He takes a deep breath, pulling me closer. “But…”

“No, Gabriel. You can’t change things now,” I say adamantly. “You can just love me for who I am. Just as I love you for who you are.”

“I don’t want you to wake up one day and realize that I’m a bad man, Victoria. That I’ve done bad things to you. I never want you to feel that way again.”

I reach up on my toes, kissing his neck softly as I run my fingers through his hair. “You’ve never hurt me, Gabriel. And I’m not delusional about what we have. I need you to trust me to know what I need from you, the same thing I’ve always needed from you. The man I fell in love with, that’s the man I want.”

He sighs as he pulls me into him, showering my face with gentle kisses while his hands skate beneath my shirt, heating my skin everywhere he touches.

“I want to bury myself in you, baby,” he says, his voice pained.

I moan my assent as his hand finds my nipple, toying with it beneath the lace of my bra. Gabriel grunts as he swings my legs up around his hips and carries me back to his bedroom.

We tear off each other’s clothes and spend the next three hours making love. And just like that, my world is right again.

Chapter Twelve

Victoria

The next morning I wake to find the space next to me empty again. I’m just about to groan with frustration when Gabriel peeks his head around the door.

“Good morning baby,” he says mischievously.

“What are you up to?” I mutter. “Come back to bed.”

“What do you mean?” he laughs, walking towards me slowly. “Can’t a guy just say good morning to his beautiful girlfriend?”

My face softens at his words. “Don’t try to schmooze me, Maddox, I know you’re up to something. Now spill the beans.”

“I’m not up to anything.” He grins. “I’m just happy. I shouldn’t have let everything get to me the way it did.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” I admonish. “And you should have just talked to me, instead of going all weird on me.”

“Duly noted,” he says, leaning in for a kiss. “I’m still learning how to navigate all of this relationship stuff.”

Out the corner of my eye, I glance at the clock to see how much time we have, trying not to be too obvious but failing miserably. I grin at Gabriel as he pulls away, his expression mirroring my own.

“I took the day off.” He brushes his fingers along my collarbone, sending shivers throughout my body.

“Really? You mean I get you all to myself for the whole day?”

“Almost,” he says. “You’ll have to share me for a while tonight.”

“What do you mean?” I pout.

“We have a cocktail thing,” he says.

I blink my eyes a couple times, waiting for further explanation, but he doesn’t give it. I know by the smile on his face, it’s worthless to try to pursue the issue further. And at that moment, I don’t really care, because I have something else on my mind. I get up and saunter out of the bedroom naked without a glance back.

“Where are you going?” Gabriel calls out.

“Guess you’ll find out,” I call back over my shoulder as I round the entrance to the sex room.

I kneel on the floor and wait several minutes before Gabriel finally appears. I’m nervous, but I want to try this again. I want to give us what we both need. When he stands in silence in front of me for several minutes, I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I’m not sure how he’s going to react this time.

He walks across the room and takes a seat in the highback chair, looking very much like a King. He leans back and spreads his legs before looking at me expectantly.

“Crawl to me,” he says in a soft, seductive tone.

My nipples tighten and my core clenches as I crawl to him on all fours, never taking my eyes from his. There’s no mistaking the desire as his molten blue irises rake over me, his nostrils flaring when I kneel before him.

“Take out my cock,” he rasps.

I unzip his jeans, rubbing my palm along the thin cotton barrier to his engorged member. His eyes grow hooded as he watches me tease and test him, the heat of his arousal searing into my hand. His fingers tangle through my hair, giving it a tug while he scowls at me.

“Take out my cock, Victoria.”

Instead of feeling admonished, I grin at the dominance that I’ve been craving. Gabriel smirks at me as I free his impressive cock, stroking it in my hand.

“Good girl,” he hisses. “That’s good. Now suck it.”

I swirl my tongue around the fat head, sucking the pre-come onto my tongue and savoring his taste. Gabriel groans and grabs my head, rocking his hips forward to greet my mouth.

I grasp his thighs and hold on as he lets all of the tension that’s been boiling inside of him release itself. His thickness fills my mouth with every thrust, giving me the roughness that I need as he loses himself in the motions.

His entire body tenses, and I suck harder, wrapping my palm around the base and working him into a frenzy. He comes with an agonized growl, pouring his release down my throat as he strokes my hair affectionately.

His head falls back against the chair and he grins down at me, wrapping his fingers around mine.

“Come up here, baby,” he says.

I climb onto his lap and he spreads my legs so that I’m straddling him. His thumb casually strokes my clit while he wraps the other hand around the base of my neck, kissing and nipping at my lips. He swallows my cries, and in a matter of moments, I’m exploding around his fingers. The orgasm is blinding and intense, and it takes me several minutes of Gabriel’s comforting touch to come back down.

When I do, I realize that he’s moved me to the bed. Somehow in the course of the last few minutes, he’s managed to start binding my ankles and wrists.

I release a shaky breath as he strokes my cheek affectionately.

“You ready for round two?” he asks.

“Yes,” I say resolutely.

“Good.” He grins. “Because I’m going to fuck you all day long.”

Chapter Thirteen

Victoria

True to Gabriel’s promise, he fucked me all day long. We only paused for some necessary sustenance and a power nap. I’m incredibly sore, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Everything is just as it should be. Finally.

“C’mon.” Gabriel smacks me on the ass with a grin. “Time to get up. I’ll help you shower.”

“I doubt we’d get much showering done.” I yawn.

“We have to,” he says, dragging the pad of his thumb across my lips. “Our guest will be here soon.”

“Guest?” I wrinkle my brows in confusion.

For some reason, I just assumed we’d be going out somewhere.

“Yep,” Gabriel replies, not giving anything away. “You have twenty minutes, so unless you want to meet him naked, I suggest you get dressed.”

I drag myself from the bed with a groan, and as promised, Gabriel helps me shower. He’s all business, though, and just as soon as we are dressed he tugs me to the kitchen and deposits me at the breakfast bar.

He gathers some glasses from the cupboards and starts pouring drinks while I watch him in fascination. When the doorbell rings, he gives me a nervous smile before opening it.

A man in his late fifties steps inside, greeting Gabriel warmly. At first I think he must be one of his business associates, but the longer I look at him, I know that can’t possibly be the case.

Though he’s wearing a suit, it’s a bit more on the eclectic side with red suspenders and a bowtie. He completes the look with thick black framed glasses and a walking cane though I’m not sure if it’s for decoration or actual use.

He swings his gaze in my direction and quirks an eyebrow as though he’s deciding something for himself before Gabriel introduces us.

“Arthur, this is Victoria. Victoria, Arthur Huckabee.”

The name sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it, so I give him a nervous smile and hold out my hand.

“Nice to meet you, Arthur.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” He bows dramatically, kissing the back of my hand before taking a seat beside me.

Gabriel seems to relax once he’s seated, holding up the two bottles of wine he’s pulled from the fridge.

“Pick your poison, Arthur.”

“As if you even have to ask.” Arthur laughs heartily. “I’ll take some red, my dear boy. The color of passion.”

Gabriel grins at the expression on my face, which I’m sure is one of confusion. I still don’t know who this man is or what he’s doing here, but I actually kind of like him already. He’s quirky and a little over the top, but all of the best people usually are.

Arthur swirls the wine in his glass like a true connoisseur, smelling and tasting its true essence as he sips. “Let’s get down to business then,” he says as he smacks his lips together. “And then I can decide whether I like the wine or not. Nothing brings out the taste like a beautiful piece of art.”

Gabriel nods and gives me a sheepish grin before he pulls a large folder from one of the kitchen drawers, sliding it in front of Arthur. When he opens it up, I feel all of the blood drain from my face.

Inside is something so intimate, so personal, my cheeks are burning with embarrassment.

“Ah yes.” Arthur pushes his glasses further up his nose. “Gabriel told me you had an affinity for black and white.”

I swallow a big gulp of wine as I watch his eyes rake over every detail of a photo I took in Central Park. A small girl sitting on the sidelines of a playground, watching all of the other children play without her. It’s just one of the many that Gabriel’s had blown up and printed off for Arthur to see tonight. All without my knowledge, of course.

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