THE PICNIC LUNCH.

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Mr. and Mrs. Wiggins are taking their son Timothy and Grandma and Grandpa out in the car for a picnic lunch.

MRS. WIGGINS: It’s half-past twelve, James, and time we found somewhere to eat.

TIMOTHY: Oh, good! I am hungry.

GRANDMA: I could certainly do with a cup of tea.

MR. WIGGINS: Well, all keep your eyes open, and we’ll see who can find the best place.

MRS. WIGGINS: James, look! There’s a friend on the left that will do nicely. Quick, stop the car by that gate.

(The car stops)

TIMOTHY: Oh, look, there are cows in the field.

GRANDMA: Cows! I’m not going to eat in a field with cows breathing down my neck.

GRANDPA: I expect there are a few bulls among them. And Nellie’s got her red dress on; anything red makes them absolutely wild.

MRS. WIGGINS: Yes, you’re right. That cow by the gate has a most unfriendly look on its face. Drive on, James.

(The car moves on)

TIMOTHY: But I’m hungry!

GRANDMA: It’s time I had my cap of tea.

MR. WIGGINS: Don’t worry, there are plenty of good places along the road.

GRANDPA: We’re passing one of them now.

MRS. WIGGINS: James, stop quickly! Here’s a nice stretch of grass.

(The car stops)

GRANDMA: No, no, this is no good. There’s no shade at all. I can’t have the sun beating down on me. We must look for a shady place.

MRS. WIGGINS: All right, drive on James. We all want Grandma to enjoy her cup of tea.

GRANDPA: Even if it’s bedtime before she has it.

(The car moves on. A quarter of an hour later the car stops again)

MR. WIGGINS: Well, how does this suit you, Grandma? There are woods on each side.

GRANDPA: No fear of getting sunburnt here.

MRS. WIGGINS: It’s far too dark, James. Almost frightening. We might as well have lunch in our coal cellar. Drive on till we are clear of these trees.

(The car moves on)

GRANDPA: Now, let’s see. We’re looking for somewhere with no cows, no sun and no trees. Not to easy.

GRANDMA: When am I going to get my cup of tea? I wish I hadn’t come.

MRS. WIGGINS: Now, don’t worry, grandma. We’re coming to the end of the wood now. James, slow down. I can see just the right spot. Over there by the river.

(The car stops)

GRANDPA: No, Nellie, not there. That ground’s damp. You can tell by the greenness of the grass. Being up to the knees in water when I eat my lunch is not my idea of a good picnic.

(The car moves on)

TIMOTHY: But I want my dinner. I’m hungry!

GRANDPA: You’ll have to wait, my boy. Anything damp and my rheumatism come back.

GRANDMA: You and your rheumatism! It’s nearly half-past one. One o’clock is the proper time for lunch; and then a nice cup o’tea after it.

MRS. WIGGINS: Now, just sit back and enjoy yourself, Grandma. Look at the nice scenery.

GRANDPA: A brick wall on one side, and a factory on the other.

TIMOTHY: I want my dinner. I’m hungry.

GRANDMA: Can’t you stop the boy talking, Nellie? He’s done nothing but complain ever since we started.

MRS. WIGGINS: James, James, stop! This field here. The very place we’ve been looking for.

GRANDMA: With a lovely big tree to keep the sun off.

GRANDPA: And it looks dry enough. Any dampness and my rheumatism will be back.

TIMOTHY: At last! At last!

(The car stops)

MR. WIGGINS: I’ll go and unstrap the picnic basket. It’s in the back of the car.

GRANDMA: Now for a cup o’tea.

TIMOTHY: I say, look at all these flies coming towards us.

GRANDMA: They’re all over the car.

MRS. WIGGINS: Where have they come from?

GRANDMA: I hope they don’t bite.

TIMOTHY: Ow! Ow! They do!

GRANDMA: Oh, dear! We’ll get bitten to death. I wish we weren’t going to eat our lunch here.

MR. WIGGINS: (returning from the back of the car): Don’t worry. We’re not!!!

MRS. WIGGINS

GRANDMA

GRANDPA We’re not? Not going to eat our lunch here???

TIMOTHY

MR. WIGGINS: No! We’ve forgotten to bring the picnic basket.

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