So, in the end, who is smarter? The university professor who cannot swim or the simple man who can swim?
| " HighintheSky"
| This story uses the present tense which makes it seem like a " live" story, as if we are watching a movie or TV program. See if you can guess the surprise ending this time!
| (1) The scene is a newspaper office. (2) The editor says to one of his reporters: " There's a fire (3) raging out of control west of town and I want you to get out there fast. And (4) above all, get some good (5) shots. If that means you have to(6) hire an airplane, just do it. Don't worry about (7) the expense. " So, the reporter calls the airport and orders a plane. He (8) rushes out to the airport, (9) spots a small aircraft with a young pilot in it, pulls open the door, jumps in and says to the pilot: " Let's go, (10) take off".
As directed, the pilot takes off, gets up to (11) altitude, and the reporter then tells him: " See that fire raging to the west? I want you to fly over that and get down as close as you can".
(12) Incredulous, the pilot says: " You want me to fly over that fire? "
" Sure, the reporter says, " I am a photojournalist and that's why I am here - to take (13) dramatic shots of the fire! "
The pilot looks over with a (14) quizzical look on his face and says: " You're not (15) the flight instructor? "
| (1) the situation, just like the opening scene of a movie (2) the person who makes decisions in a newspaper (3) " rage" = great anger, so a raging fire is burning wildly, as if it is very angry (4) the most important thing (5) photos (we " shoot" photographs) (6) pay money to rent a plane for a short time (7) the cost (8) hurries (9) sees (10) when an airplane leaves, it goes up into the air (11) high in the sky (12) unable to believe something (13) exciting photos (as in a " drama" ) (14) confused - he does not understand (15) someone who teaches people how to fly airplanes
| Explanation: The reporter must have gotten in the wrong airplane! The pilot is just a student. He knew how to take off but does he know how to land the airplane (bring it back down) without a teacher? (*o*)
|
| " TheLastChicken"
| This joke is about a man who has a clever, but not very honest, idea. See how this gets him into trouble in the end. Enjoy!
| (1) A butcher, who (2) had had a (3) particularly good day, proudly (4) flipped his last chicken on (5) a scale and weighed it. " That will be (6) Ј6. 35, " he told the customer.
" That's a good price, but it really is a little too small, " said the woman. " Don't you have anything larger? "
(7) Hesitating, but thinking fast, the butcher returned the chicken to the (8) refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. " This one, " he said (9) faintly, " will be Ј6. 65. "
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. (10) " I know what, " she said, " I'll take both of them! "
| (1) a man who cuts meat and sells it (2) this is the " past perfect tense" - he had a good day BEFORE this story happened (3) quite good (4) threw up onto the counter (5) a small tool that shows how heavy something is (6) you should read this as " six pounds, thirty-five pence" (7) he stopped for a very short time (8) a place to keep food cold (9) softly (10) " I know what I want to do"
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| Easy Joke Nine
" Perfect Hearing"
| This joke is about three elderly (older) men who think they can hear perfectly. Whatdoyouthink?
| Three (1) retirees, each with (2) a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One (3) remarked to the other, (4) " Windy, isn't it? "
" No, " the second man replied, " it's Thursday. "
And the third man (5) chimed in, " So am I. Let's have a beer. "
| (1) elderly people who have finished working (they have " retired" ) (2) they can not hear as well as they could when they were younger (3) he said something about what he saw (4) there is a lot of wind (5) he said happily
| Explanation: The second man thought " Windy" was Wednesday (so he replied " No, it's Thursday" ) then the third man thought " Thursday" was " thirsty" (so he thought of drinking some beer! ). I guess their hearing is not as good as they think!
|
| Easy Joke Seven
" The Court's Decision"
| This joke is about a couple getting divorced (ending their marriage) in a court of law. In most divorce cases, the husband ends up paying money called " alimony" to his wife, to help support her when she is alone. In this story, does the Judge explain his decision well enough? (*o*)
| “Mr. Clark, I have (1) reviewed this (2) case very carefully, ” the divorce court Judge said, “And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week”.
“That's very fair, (3) Your Honor, ” the husband said. “And (4) every now and then I'll try to send her a few(5) bucks myself. "
| (1) looked carefully or " looked over" (2) a problem discussed in a court of law (3) a polite title (name) for a Judge (4) sometimes (not very often) (5) dollars
| Explanation: When the Judge used the verb " give", he meant his decision would give the woman $775. It is normally the husband's duty (his requirement) to pay the alimony. But this man, when he heard the word " give", thought the Judge would pay it. Now THAT wouldbe a veryniceJudge! (^_^)
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| Easy Joke Six
" A Good Dancer"
| This joke uses misdirection to make us laugh at the end. Enjoy!
| Sammy (1) took Sally out dancing. Sammy was (2) having a good time when Sally (3) suddenly said to him, “You could be a good dancer (4) except for two things. ”
Sammy eagerly asked, “What are the two things? ”
Sally (5) calmly replied, “Your feet! ”
| (1) He brought her to someplace to have fun (2) having fun (3) very quickly, it was not expected (4) other than, besides those two things (5) peacefully
| Explanation: Sammy was hoping for two ideas from Sally, two pieces of advice that could help him become a good dancer. If only he had different feet, maybe he could be a good dancer. But he cannot get new feet so, in Sally's opinion, he will never be a good dancer. (ItseemsSammyis a lotlikeme! )
|
| Easy Joke Four
" What do you think, Doc? "
| This joke uses an expression (" a second opinion" ) often used when we have a serious health problem. If we are not sure of our doctor's advice, we can get " a second opinion" from another doctor. This is very common when the decision is very important but in this joke, the decision is not so important so the doctor's final answer is quite a surprise. Enjoy!
| The doctor said to his (1) patient: 'Your health is getting (2) worse because you are so(3) overweight. You are really very fat and need to lose (4) at least 20 kilograms. '
The patient replied to the doctor: 'I want to get (5) a second opinion. '
'Okay', the doctor (6) spoke again, 'you are very (7) ugly too! '
| (1) a sick person who goes to see a doctor (2) " more bad" (we say " good - better - best" and " bad - worse - worst) (3) too heavy or too fat (4) the lowest number, maybe he needs to lose MORE than 20 kilos! (5) he wants to go see another doctor (6) past of " speak" (7) not good looking
| The doctor is using the the first meaning of " opinion", which is just his personal idea, not the opinion of a professional doctor! (^_*)
|
| Medium Joke One
" Pink Clouds"
| This kind of joke, about people dying and going to heaven, is common in English. Nobody knows what heaven is really like, so we can make up any story. This is a strange idea of heaven, but with a funny ending. Enjoy!
| Three men died and went to (1) heaven. They had a nice time there, (2) bobbing around on the clouds, but they eventually (3) got bored of each other and went off (4) on their own for (5) a bit. When they joined up again, the first man brought with him an old, ugly and smelly woman, with a horrible, (6) cackly laugh. The others asked, " What happened? " He replied, " I (7) stepped on a pink cloud. " They (8) went their separate ways again. The next time they met up, the second man (9) was accompanied by a (10) foul, (11) fearsomewoman, who (12) stank so badly they all (13) gagged. The others asked, " What happened? " The second man replied, " I stepped on a pink cloud. " They went their ways again, and the next time they met up, the third man brought with him a beautiful young woman, so (14) radiant they all stared. She was like a goddess! The others asked, " What happened? " This time, the woman replied, " I stepped on a pink cloud. "
| (1) where good people go when they die (2) moving up and down, as in water (3) they became not interested (they " lost" interest) (4) alone, each man by himself (5) for a short time (6) a loud, broken laugh in a high voice (7) walked on (8) went by themselves (9) was with her (10) dirty and smelly (11) big, angry and dangerous! (12) smelled VERY bad (13) they choked (they could not breathe) (14) very bright, like a star
| |
| Medium Joke Five
" How Smart Are You? "
| This joke shows two possible ways of being " smart" or " intelligent". It compares what you KNOW to what you CAN DO. Enjoy!
| A man once had an old boat, which he used (1) to ferry people across the river. One day, he was taking a university professor to the other side.
“What is the (2) seven times seven? ” asked the professor.
“I don’t know, ” answered the man.
“Well, how do you (3) spell elephant? ” asked the professor.
“I (4) have no idea, ” replied the man.
“Didn’t you study anything at school? ” (5) demanded the professor, surprised.
“No, ” said the man.
“Then you have (6) wasted half your life, ” said the professor.
The man was silent for a little while. Then he said, “Can you swim? ”
“No, ” said the professor.
“Then you have wasted ALL of your life. Weare (7) sinking. ”
| (1) to go across a river and come back again
(2) 7 X 7 = 49
(3) to spell a word means " what letters do you use to write it" (" elephant" is spelled e - l - e - p - h - a - n - t)
(4) I don't know
(5) to ask strongly
(6) to not use well
(7) going under water
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So, in the end, who is smarter? The university professor who cannot swim or the simple man who can swim?
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