Chapter 15

The next morning, I land in the office with an almighty crash – quite literally. I’m sprawled across the wooden floor, surrounded by boxes, with Tom’s running towards me, horror plastered all over his baby face.

‘Oh God. Are you okay? ’ He reaches down to help me up, brushing down my black, fitted skirt before beginning on my sleeveless blouse. ‘I’m so sorry. I was just moving them into storage. ’ He flaps around me like a mother hen, babbling about health and safety and accident books.

‘Tom, I’m fine. Now, get your hands off my tits! ’

He quickly withdraws his flapping hands from my breasts, giggling. ‘Oh, and what lovely breasts they are, Red Riding Hood! ’

‘If you weren’t gay, I would have slapped you by now. ’ I warn him.

‘Ah, but I am gay. ’ he says proudly as he starts shifting boxes around.

‘What’s in the boxes? ’

‘Samples, Sally took delivery of them. You would’ve thought she’d have put them in the cupboard. The girl’s useless. ’ Tom moans. I scan the office and see Sally fighting with the photocopier. She really is in a world of her own.

‘Morning, ’ I hear Victoria before I see her. ‘Tom, I’m never going out with you again. ’ she hisses at him, perching herself on her chair.

I look to each of them in turn, waiting for an explanation, but it’s not forthcoming from either of them. ‘What’s going on? ’ I ask. Tom shrugs guiltily as Victoria takes a long breath, ready to launch into an inch by inch account of her grievance.

‘He dumped me again! ’ She narrows her eyes on Tom accusingly. I drop my bag by my desk and watch as Victoria fires all sorts of accusations at a very guilty looking Tom. ‘Don’t ask me to come out with you ever again, ’ she spits, pointing her pen at him. ‘Friday, you cleared off with the scientist, and last night you didn’t even have the decency to go home with the same man! ’

‘Tom! ’ I gasp sarcastically. ‘I thought the scientist was your soul mate? ’

‘He still might be, ’ Tom defends himself in a high pitched voice. ‘I’m just sampling what’s on offer before I decide on what to invest in. ’

Victoria scoffs and swivels her chair around, effectively blanking him out. I sit gingerly, wincing as my butt comes to rest on the soft, padded seat that feels more like iron. I get my phone from my bag and find a text from Kate.

Left early, didn’t want to wake u in case u were dreaming of all things Lord like; -)Baroque at 1? Have to be back for 2: 30 xxx
Yes. And daydreams too. I start to text back a big, resounding NO to Kate’s lunch offer – I’m seeing a God – but then freeze mid-type. I’m supposed to be meeting Matt for lunch. I slump in my chair. My mind’s all over the place at the moment, and I’m not going to try and kid myself as to why that is. I sit drumming my nail on my front tooth, trying to work out how I can get around this. My conclusion? I can’t, so I text Kate first.

Sorry, busy busy busy. C u at home. Ax
I can’t believe I’m sat twiddling my hair as I text a lie. She would go loopy if she knew I had arranged to meet Matt. I recommence the drumming of my tooth, struggling to decide which man I’m going to be letting down. Matt sounded really low and said he wasn’t okay. Jesse wants me back at The Manor to commence design, with the possibility of some added extras. My thighs squeeze together at the prospect. I pick my phone up to call Matt.

‘Hey, ’ he greets me, sounding happier than I thought he would. Probably not for long, though.

‘Hey, listen, something’s come up. Can we rearrange? ’ I hold my breath, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip as I wait for his response, and yes, I’m twiddling my hair. I’m not even really lying. Something has come up.

‘Ava, please! ’ he begs. I drop my lock of hair immediately. The sure, arrogant Matt’s gone again, being replaced with an uncertain, timid stranger. ‘I really need to see you. ’

I slump back in my chair, completely defeated. How can I not go when he hits me with that? There must be something seriously wrong. ‘Sure, ’ I sigh. ‘I’ll see you at Baroque. ’

‘Brill, see you then. ’ His self-assured tone has returned.

I busy myself with emails and checking up on contractor progress. At the same time, I’m thinking of all sorts of excuses I can feed Jesse. Thank God I don’t have to face him, because with me and my twiddling fingers, I’d be rumbled instantly.

Patrick comes rolling in at eleven with Starbucks. I could kiss him.

‘Cappuccino, extra shot, no sugar or chocolate for you, flower. ’ He clucks my cheek, placing my coffee on my desk. ‘Don’t forget your appointment with Mikael tomorrow. ’ he perches on my desk, and I hold my breath as it creaks.

‘No, I haven’t. ’ I push my diary across my desk for Patrick to see the big, bold print.

‘Good girl. How did you get on at The Manor? ’

I blush instantly. I didn’t tell Patrick about my second appointment, but he only has to flick through my diary to see – which he obviously has.

‘Fine, ’ I squeak, my voice a few notes higher than my normal tone, my face burning up. I will him to accept my one word, abrupt answer and leave me alone.

‘Jolly good. Keep me posted. ’ He lifts himself up from my desk and goes about handing out the rest of the coffees. I instinctively check underneath for splintered wood or loose screws, puffing my cheeks out in relief for both his lack of interrogation and for my desk’s wellbeing. With all of my distractions, I hadn’t considered the possibility of Patrick finding out about my extracurricular activities with Mr Ward. This could be tricky.

My phone alerts me of a text. I snatch it up quickly, finding a reply from Kate.

Get the wine xxx
I look at the clock on my computer. Eleven fifteen. I would be leaving for my noon appointment with Mr Ward about now. I bite the bullet and pull his number up, but instead of calling him, I’m a complete shit bag and I text him.

Something important has come up. We’ll rearrange. Ring u later Ax
No sooner have I placed my phone back on my desk and untangled my finger from my hair, the office door opens and a spray of calla lilies are carted in. It’s the delivery girl from Lusso. I see Tom point to my desk, and I’m instantly flooded with guilt. I re-slump in my chair. I’ve just stood him up and he’s sent me flowers. Well, I’ve not technically stood him up. I’m rearranging a business meeting. He’ll understand. I accept the flowers, signing the delivery girl’s paperwork before finding the card.

I’m looking very forward to my appointment. You should be too. Jx I drop my arms on the desk and bury my head in them, feeling like a hundred tons of shit. He went to all that trouble yesterday, pounding on Mr Baldy Jag, rescuing me from certain assault, and what do I do? I’m a complete loser and ditch him for my ex. I need help. Good Lord, if Kate finds out, I’m a goner. I need to tell him to lay off on the flower deliveries to my office, though. It won’t be long before Patrick starts asking questions.

I leave at twelve forty five to go and meet Matt, after being even more of a shit bag and ignoring ten missed calls from Jesse. I know I’ve made things worse for myself, but I gathered, after I missed his first call due to a genuine toilet break, his second because I was on the landline and then it proceeded to persistently ring thereafter, that he’s not very happy. And now I’m also thoroughly fed up with one of my all-time favourite tracks.

When I arrive, the bar is busy, but I spot Matt in the corner with drinks already on the table.

He jumps up when he spots me, smiling brightly. ‘Ava! ’ He grabs me, squeezing me to his chest, throwing me out completely. He’s never hugged me like this, even when we were together. He pulls away and plants a kiss on my cheek, lingering longer than is necessary. ‘Thanks for coming. I got you a wine, your favourite. Is that okay? ’

‘Sure, ’ I smile. A small one won’t hurt. I break away from him and settle on a chair opposite. ‘Is everything okay? ’ I ask nervously, my voice laced with all of the apprehension I really feel.

‘You look nice, ’ he says cheerfully on a smile. ‘Did you want something to eat? ’

‘No, I’m fine, ’ I frown at him. ‘Matt, what have you got to tell me? You said you weren’t okay. ’ He’s acting shifty and nervous, and it’s making me incredibly uncomfortable. I take a sip of my wine, watching him over my glass as he fidgets and plays with the rim of his pint. What’s eating him? He eventually draws a deep breath and leans across the table, placing his hand over mine. I halt mid-sip, looking down at his hand.

Realisation hits. Oh, no! I widen my eyes on him and prey he’s going to tell me that Henry, the goldfish, is dead. Please be that, instead of what I think’s coming.

‘Ava, I want you back. ’ he says, firmly and concisely.

Well, I didn’t see that coming – not until about ten seconds ago. What the hell is wrong with him?

My glass is still hovering at my lips as he continues. ‘I was a total twat. I don’t deserve any second chances... ’

I scoff. ‘Second chance? ’

He drops his head in defeat. ‘Yeah, okay. I take your point. ’ He lifts his head, his face all genuine and soppy. ‘It would never happen again, I promise you. ’

Is he having me on? How many times have I heard the same old bullshit? He’s a serial cheater. ‘Matt, I’m sorry, but it’s never going to happen. ’ I tell him evenly and calmly. His eyes widen with surprise. I shake my head lightly to re-affirm my statement.

In the space of three seconds, his face turns from all sorrowful and hurt, to black and suspicious.

‘It’s her, isn’t it? ’ he spits across the table. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who her is. ‘She opens her fat trap and you listen. When are you going to start thinking for yourself? ’

I’m stunned. In actual fact, Kate kept her trap shut for four years. She made it clear that she didn’t like Matt, but it never interfered with our friendship. I just kept them apart. She never tried to influence me. She was just there, like a true friend, when things went tits up. And they did…often. I pull my hand from under his and take another calming sip of my wine. He doesn’t deserve my time. He’s wasted four years of it already, and I’m damned if he’s robbing me of any more. I cannot believe I’ve dropped Jesse for this.

‘Are you not going to say anything? ’ he hisses, his eyes beady and harbouring all sorts of contempt. It makes me boil a little on the inside.

I manage to retain my temper. ‘Matt, I’ve said all I’ve got to say. Was that all you dragged me here for? ’

He recoils, his eyebrows hitting his hairline. ‘You’re not prepared to give it another try? ’

‘No. ’ I reply simply. I’ve never made such an easy decision.

He jumps up from the table in a temper, knocking his drink over in the process. ‘You’ll need me before I need you. ’

I laugh in his face. ‘I’ll need you? ’ I gather my hysteria. ‘Yeah, that’s why you’re here begging me to come back, and I’ve told you where to go. What’s the matter, Matt? Ran out of birds to shag? ’ I watch as he rearranges his cheap, black suit and straightens his brown, floppy hair. Funny, I don’t find him attractive anymore. Actually, he makes my skin crawl. What did I ever see in him? He was a habit, that’s all he was – a very bad habit.

‘I knew it! ’ Kate’s high pitched screech makes my shoulders tense. ‘I knew you were seeing him! ’ I turn and see her pretty, pale face is bright red with anger.

‘Oh, she’s come to join the party, ’ Matt shoots over my head. ‘You just can’t keep your fucking nose out, can you? ’

I glance around the bar and notice that people are starting to stare at the little exchange going on, their attention drawn by Matt’s flying pint glass. If I get the opportunity, I’ll save Kate the wasted breath and tell her exactly what just happened. But I suppose, after four years of keeping her fat trap shut, I should let her have her moment.

She strolls up to him, all confident and cocky, Matt’s lips curling into a snarl as she gets up close and personal with him. ‘She doesn’t want you, you useless sack of shit. ’ Her tone is controlled and penetrating. ‘She’s got someone else, so go and crawl back into the hole you came from. ’

Oh shit! Why did she have to say that for? I watch as Matt flicks his eyes to me for confirmation, but I don’t offer any. He hisses and spits a few times before stomping out of the bar.

Kate plonks herself in the chair opposite me, narrowing her bright blue eyes on me. I’m immediately on the defense.

‘He said he wasn’t okay. I thought someone had died! ’

She shakes her head. ‘I’m really mad with you. ’

I scoff and grab my wine for a welcome slurp. ‘I’m mad at myself. I didn’t need you to say that. Why did you say that? ’

She grins. ‘Because it was funny. Did you see his face? ’

Yes, it was a classic. But still, she’s throwing around statements that are simply not true. I haven’t got anyone else; I’m fucking someone else. There’s a big difference. My phone starts ringing, and I fish it from my bag, finding call number eleven from Jesse.

‘Who’s that? ’ Kate asks, cocking her head up so she can get a glimpse of the screen.

‘Jesse. ’

She frowns. ‘Aren’t you going to answer? ’

I lean back in my chair, letting it ring off. ‘I cancelled him to meet Matt. ’ I grumble.

Kate’s jaw drops open. ‘Ava, you really are very dim at times. And don’t take this personally, but when you were with Matt, you dialed down the fun factor so much, I was considering breaking up with you. ’

I recoil at her speech. ‘That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it? ’

She laughs. ‘The truth hurts, doesn’t it? ’

‘Yes, it does. ’

‘You’ve been dragged through the mill good and proper, so I’m willing to let it go. ’ She leans forward. ‘Have some fun. And anyway, I like him. ’

Well, she made that pretty obvious, and he is fun. But I know this can only end in tears. A member of staff approaches with a dust pan and brush, and I offer a small apologetic smile, but I’m distracted when my phone starts to shout. I ignore it…again. I need time to think about this. I was so overwhelmed yesterday, I let a firm chest, hypnotising voice and soft lush lips derail my cognitive thinking. Who am I kidding? Every time I’m with this man, I’m derailed and distracted. He overwhelms me with his intensity, knocking all rationality right out of me.

‘Hello, hotty at three o’clock! Oh, and he’s looking. How’s my hair? Have I got any icing on my face? ’ Kate starts frantically brushing her cheeks with her palms.

I turn to three o’clock and see the guy from the bar at The Manor. Which one was it? Drew? No, Sam. He has a big smile on his cheeky face as he raises his bottle of beer to me. I raise my hand and turn back to Kate.

‘You know him? ’ she asks incredulously.

‘Sam, he was at The Manor. He’s a friend of Jesse’s. ’

‘Fucking hell! Jesse’s a member of the hot gang. ’ She giggles, her eyes widening with excitement. ‘Why have I never heard of this place? ’ she asks. ‘I’m coming to your next site visit. ’ she’s says determinedly, and I know she’s not joking. ‘Hey, he’s coming over. Introduce me, please! ’

I shake my head at her. It’s one more first date for her to get her teeth into. Wait…I suddenly panic. Did he see me with Matt? Hang on…why am I worried about that?

‘Hi, Ava, how are you? ’ Sam reaches the table, still smiling and flashing that dimple. He really is very cute, with his unkempt hair and twinkling eyes. He’s in jeans and a t-shirt again. Casual must be his thing.

‘I’m good, Sam, you? ’ I finish my wine off. I could do with another, but Patrick won’t appreciate me returning to the office half pissed. ‘Been here long? ’ I ask casually.

‘No, just got here. How’s Jesse? ’ he enquires on a grin.

Why would he think I know that? Has Jesse told him? I feel my face blush, even though I’ve reached the swift conclusion that he’s playing with me. He’s Jesse’s mate, he should know how he is. I shrug, because I really don’t know what to say. And, in actual fact, I have no idea how Jesse is because I didn’t turn up for our appointment. When I left him yesterday, he was firing on all sexual cylinders, and I was panting like a desperate, wanton loser. Now, I expect, he’s slightly irate that I’ve cancelled our meeting. Ha! What’s he going to do? Sack me? He probably should. It will save me all of this brain ache and turmoil. I feel a sharp crack on my shin and look up to see Kate scowling at me.

‘Oh, Sam, this is Kate. Kate, meet Sam. ’ I wave my hand between the two of them, watching as Kate turns all angelic, putting her hand out to Sam, who grins before clasping it.

‘Nice to meet you, Kate. ’ he says smoothly, maintaining his grin and running his free hand through his mousey waves.

‘You too. ’ She arches a brow.

She’s a brazen hussy! She’s flirting with him. She giggles as Sam compliments her on her wild, red hair, their hands still linked. My phone declares a text. To escape the blatant flirting exchange going on in front of me, I pick it up and open the message with one eye closed.

There better be a GOOD fucking reason for you standing me up. Someone had better be dying. I’m going out of my fucking mind, lady. NO KISS
Ah, he’s worried! My heart does an unexpected skip of approval, but then I snap myself out of my pathetic bubble of contentment, reminding myself that I’m not answerable to him. He certainly likes compliance. Besides, I didn’t stand him up; I delayed a business meeting. My poor bloody brain feels like it could explode. What’s happening to me? I put my phone on the table and look up to see Kate performing the best flirting act I’ve ever witnessed. She’s such a tart, and their hands are still clasped.

She drags her attention away from Sam to look at me. ‘Jesse? ’ she asks unashamedly. I kick her under the table, feeling Sam’s eyes on me. I’ll kill her.

‘Jesse? ’ Sam asks. ‘He just called. He’ll be here in a minute. ’

What?

Kate starts laughing like a hyena, earning her another boot under the table. Did Sam tell him I was here?

‘I’d better be off, ’ I go to stand. ‘Kate, ’ I smile sweetly as she gets her laughter under control. ‘Haven’t you got a two thirty appointment? ’

‘Nope. ’ She smiles back, trumping my sweetness level. She’s a pain in the fucking arse.

I narrow my eyes on her, picking up my bag and phone. ‘Well, I’ll see you later then. It was nice to see you again, Sam. ’

He releases Kate’s hand and kisses me on the cheek. ‘Yeah, and you, Ava. Keep it real. ’

I turn to leave, but swing back around, all straight faced and cool. ‘Oh, Kate. Dan’s back next week. ’ I toss it into the air like a grenade and wait for the explosion. It takes just a nanosecond for her jaw to drop, like a huge lump of lead, to the table.

Ha! I fling her a don’t-mess-with-me look and turn on my heels with immense satisfaction. My smugness is short lived, though. Jesse is stood behind me, glaring at me like a rabid dog. I shrink on the spot

‘Who’s dead? ’ he barks.

He’s really mad. ‘I was at work. ’ I defend myself nervously.

He scowls at me, good and proper. ‘And that renders you incapable of answering your phone, does it? ’ His voice is dripping with displeasure.

Oh yes, me not answering his calls might be a contributing factor to his annoyance. I turn and find Kate and Sam silently observing our little altercation. Kate starts looking anywhere and everywhere but our direction, and Sam struggles to regain control of his raised eyebrows, doing a really rubbish job of looking uninterested. I sigh, turning back to Jesse, who still looks like he’s about to hit something.

‘I have to get back to work. ’ I say, sidestepping him and leaving the bar. This is beyond an overreaction and dangerously in the realms of controlling and manipulating. Neither of which I want.

I walk out onto Piccadilly and into the lunchtime crowd. I know he’s following me. I can feel his penetrating green eyes stabbing at my back.

As I turn into Berkeley Street, the crowd thins out, and I glance back, finding him stalking behind me, his eyes full of fury. He does look delicious in his charcoal suit and pale blue shirt, though. I huff to myself and increase my pace. If I can make it to my office, I’ll be safe from his wrath. There’s no way he would cause a scene at my office, would he? He didn’t seem to give two hoots about scolding me in front of Kate and Sam. Can I risk it? The man’s so volatile. Why is he behaving like this, anyway? I’ve only had sex with the guy, not married him.

I quicken my pace, making it through the office door, but no sooner have I got to my desk, I’m hauled from my feet on a squeal, and I’m on my way back out.

‘What the bloody hell are you doing? ’ I shout at him, but he ignores me, carrying on with his long, even strides out of my office. I brace my hands at the bottom of his back and look up to see Tom, Victoria and Sally, all gawping at me being manhandled into the street. Oh God, please let Patrick be out of the office. ‘Jesse, fucking hell! Put me down now! ’

He lets me slide down his front – purposely slow so I feel every hard muscle of his delicious chest – stopping me before my feet hit the ground. He holds me around my waist so my lips are level with his, his blatant erection rubbing me in just the right spot. He’s mad and turned on?

A treacherous moan escapes my lips as he pushes himself against me, breathing his hot, minty breath on my lips. I’m supposed to be bloody mad here. Instead, I’m being held against my will – kind of – and wanting to strip my captor in front of all of my colleagues, who are all squashed at the office door, fighting for the best view.

‘Mouth. You stood me up. ’ He presses his lips to mine before he pulls away, his sludgy eyes softening as he looks at me expectantly.

I can hardly tell him why I cancelled now. I imagine he’ll go up the wall. ‘I’m sorry. ’ I sigh. Will he accept that? I need to get back into the office and sort my head out. No, I need to go home and sort my head out, preferably with a bottle of wine.

He shakes his head mildly, and then he attacks my mouth purposely, right in the middle of Bruton Street. My fingers thread through his hair as I surrender to his impossibly addictive mouth, without much thought at all. He’s unashamed and oblivious to the hustle and bustle of lunch time pedestrians passing and, quite probably, staring as he completely consumes me. He swallows me up every time. He thrusts his groin forward aggressively, coaxing a moan to escape my mouth. This is a look-what-you-missed kiss, and I’m beginning to damn Matt to Hell.

‘Don’t do it again. ’ he orders, in a tone that dares me to challenge him. He releases me from his grip and my feet hit the ground, the loss of support causing me to stagger forward.

He grabs the top of my arm to steady me, causing a slight stab of pain to radiate through me, snapping me out of my spellbound state on a sharp inhale. He drops my arm and stands back from me, his soft eyes raging and focused on the scatter of bruises at the top of my arm, courtesy of Mr Baldy Jag. His jaw starts ticking, his chest puffing, as he stares at my arm.

All I can think about is how lucky Mr Baldy Jag is that these bruises weren’t present yesterday. ‘I’m fine, ’ I cover my arm with my palm in the hope that concealing the offending area might snap him out of his fuming state. He looks positively homicidal. Is he mad because I have a few bruises? ‘I need to get back to work. ’ My voice is small, nervous even.

He drags his stare from my arm, back to my eyes, looking at me like I’m the offending object. A flash of irritation passes over his handsome face as he reaches up to rub his temples with his fingertips. It’s an obvious sigh of stress.

He eventually shakes his head lightly and stalks off, without another word, leaving me standing on the pavement wondering what in the world just happened. I look down to the ground, my eyes darting about, like I might find the answer written in chalk on the slabs.

Is that it? Is it over? The look on his face said it is. I’m not sure how I feel about that. One second he’s thrusting his hips into me on a moan, the next he’s looking at me in pure irritation. What am I supposed to make of this? I really don’t know. I shake myself out of my reverie and head back into the office. The silence is awkward, everyone obviously pretending to look busy.

‘You okay? ’ Tom asks, slowly passing my desk. I look up, seeing his usual nosey expression is dotted with concern.

‘I’m fine. Not a word to Patrick. ’ It comes out harsher than I intended.

‘Of course, I’ll say no more. ’ He holds his hands up in defense.

Fuck! All I need is Patrick to find out that I’m caught up with a client. I should have been stronger and resisted his advances. I’m really not very comfortable with how I feel right now. I think…I think it’s somewhere in the realms of…abandonment?

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