The Pickwick Papers 57 страница

“Master and Mr. Pickwick is a-going to dine here at five, ” replied the fat boy.

“Leave the room! ” said Mr. Snodgrass, glaring upon the bewildered youth.

“No, no, no, ” added Emily hastily. “Bella, dear, advise me. ”

Upon this, Emily and Mr. Snodgrass, and Arabella and Mary, crowded into a corner, and conversed earnestly in whispers for some minutes, during which the fat boy dozed.

“Joe, ” said Arabella, at length, looking round with a most bewitching smile, “how do you do, Joe? ”

“Joe, ” said Emily, “you're a very good boy; I won't forget you, Joe. ”

“Joe, ” said Mr. Snodgrass, advancing to the astonished youth, and seizing his hand, “I didn't know you before. There's five shillings for you, Joe! ”

“I'll owe you five, Joe, ” said Arabella, “for old acquaintance sake, you know; ” and another most captivating smile was bestowed upon the corpulent intruder.

The fat boy's perception being slow, he looked rather puzzled at first to account for this sudden prepossession in his favour, and stared about him in a very alarming manner. At length his broad face began to show symptoms of a grin of proportionately broad dimensions; and then, thrusting half-a-crown into each of his pockets, and a hand and wrist after it, he burst into a horse laugh: being for the first and only time in his existence.

“He understands us, I see, ” said Arabella. “He had better have something to eat, immediately, ” remarked Emily.

The fat boy almost laughed again when he heard this suggestion. Mary, after a little more whispering, tripped forth from the group and said—

“I am going to dine with you to-day, sir, if you have no objection. ”

“This way, ” said the fat boy eagerly. “There is such a jolly meat-pie! ”

With these words, the fat boy led the way downstairs; his pretty companion captivating all the waiters and angering all the chambermaids as she followed him to the eating-room.

There was the meat-pie of which the youth had spoken so feelingly, and there were, moreover, a steak, and a dish of potatoes, and a pot of porter.

“Sit down, ” said the fat boy. “Oh, my eye, how prime! I am SO hungry. ”

Having apostrophised his eye, in a species of rapture, five or six times, the youth took the head of the little table, and Mary seated herself at the bottom.

“Will you have some of this? ” said the fat boy, plunging into the pie up to the very ferules of the knife and fork.

“A little, if you please, ” replied Mary.

The fat boy assisted Mary to a little, and himself to a great deal, and was just going to begin eating when he suddenly laid down his knife and fork, leaned forward in his chair, and letting his hands, with the knife and fork in them, fall on his knees, said, very slowly—

“I say! How nice you look! ”

This was said in an admiring manner, and was, so far, gratifying; but still there was enough of the cannibal in the young gentleman's eyes to render the compliment a double one.

“Dear me, Joseph, ” said Mary, affecting to blush, “what do you mean? ”

The fat boy, gradually recovering his former position, replied with a heavy sigh, and, remaining thoughtful for a few moments, drank a long draught of the porter. Having achieved this feat, he sighed again, and applied himself assiduously to the pie.

“What a nice young lady Miss Emily is! ” said Mary, after a long silence.

The fat boy had by this time finished the pie. He fixed his eyes on Mary, and replied—“I knows a nicerer. ”

“Indeed! ” said Mary.

“Yes, indeed! ” replied the fat boy, with unwonted vivacity.

“What's her name? ” inquired Mary.

“What's yours? ”

“Mary. ”

“So's hers, ” said the fat boy. “You're her. ” The boy grinned to add point to the compliment, and put his eyes into something between a squint and a cast, which there is reason to believe he intended for an ogle.

“You mustn't talk to me in that way, ” said Mary; “you don't mean it. ”

“Don't I, though? ” replied the fat boy. “I say? ”

“Well? ”

“Are you going to come here regular? ”

“No, ” rejoined Mary, shaking her head, “I'm going away again to-night. Why? ”

“Oh, ” said the fat boy, in a tone of strong feeling; “how we should have enjoyed ourselves at meals, if you had been! ”

“I might come here sometimes, perhaps, to see you, ” said Mary, plaiting the table-cloth in assumed coyness, “if you would do me a favour. ”

The fat boy looked from the pie-dish to the steak, as if he thought a favour must be in a manner connected with something to eat; and then took out one of the half-crowns and glanced at it nervously.

“Don't you understand me? ” said Mary, looking slily in his fat face.

Again he looked at the half-crown, and said faintly, “No. ”

“The ladies want you not to say anything to the old gentleman about the young gentleman having been upstairs; and I want you too. ”

, is that all? ” said the fat boy, evidently very much relieved, as he pocketed the half-crown again. “Of course I ain't a-going to. ”

“You see, ” said Mary, “Mr. Snodgrass is very fond of Miss Emily, and Miss Emily's very fond of him, and if you were to tell about it, the old gentleman would carry you all away miles into the country, where you'd see nobody. ”

“No, no, I won't tell, ” said the fat boy stoutly.

“That's a dear, ” said Mary. “Now it's time I went upstairs, and got my lady ready for dinner. ”

“Don't go yet, ” urged the fat boy.

“I must, ” replied Mary. “Good-bye, for the present. ”

The fat boy, with elephantine playfulness, stretched out his arms to ravish a kiss; but as it required no great agility to elude him, his fair enslaver had vanished before he closed them again; upon which the apathetic youth ate a pound or so of steak with a sentimental countenance, and fell fast asleep.

There was so much to say upstairs, and there were so many plans to concert for elopement and matrimony in the event of old Wardle continuing to be cruel, that it wanted only half an hour of dinner when Mr. Snodgrass took his final adieu. The ladies ran to Emily's bedroom to dress, and the lover, taking up his hat, walked out of the room. He had scarcely got outside the door, when he heard Wardle's voice talking loudly, and looking over the banisters beheld him, followed by some other gentlemen, coming straight upstairs. Knowing nothing of the house, Mr. Snodgrass in his confusion stepped hastily back into the room he had just quitted, and passing thence into an inner apartment (Mr. Wardle's bedchamber), closed the door softly, just as the persons he had caught a glimpse of entered the sitting-room. These were Mr. Wardle, Mr. Pickwick, Mr. Nathaniel Winkle, and Mr. Benjamin Allen, whom he had no difficulty in recognising by their voices.

“Very lucky I had the presence of mind to avoid them, ” thought Mr. Snodgrass with a smile, and walking on tiptoe to another door near the bedside; “this opens into the same passage, and I can walk quietly and comfortably away. ”

There was only one obstacle to his walking quietly and comfortably away, which was that the door was locked and the key gone.

“Let us have some of your best wine to-day, waiter, ” said old Wardle, rubbing his hands.

“You shall have some of the very best, sir, ” replied the waiter.

“Let the ladies know we have come in. ”

“Yes, Sir. ”

Devoutly and ardently did Mr. Snodgrass wish that the ladies could know he had come in. He ventured once to whisper, “Waiter! ” through the keyhole, but the probability of the wrong waiter coming to his relief, flashed upon his mind, together with a sense of the strong resemblance between his own situation and that in which another gentleman had been recently found in a neighbouring hotel (an account of whose misfortunes had appeared under the head of “Police” in that morning's paper), he sat himself on a portmanteau, and trembled violently.

“We won't wait a minute for Perker, ” said Wardle, looking at his watch; “he is always exact. He will be here, in time, if he means to come; and if he does not, it's of no use waiting. Ha! Arabella! ”

“My sister! ” exclaimed Mr. Benjamin Allen, folding her in a most romantic embrace.

“Oh, Ben, dear, how you do smell of tobacco, ” said Arabella, rather overcome by this mark of affection.

“Do I? ” said Mr. Benjamin Allen. “Do I, Bella? Well, perhaps I do. ”

Perhaps he did, having just left a pleasant little smoking-party of twelve medical students, in a small back parlour with a large fire.

“But I am delighted to see you, ” said Mr. Ben Allen. “Bless you, Bella! ”

“There, ” said Arabella, bending forward to kiss her brother; “don't take hold of me again, Ben, dear, because you tumble me so. ”

At this point of the reconciliation, Mr. Ben Allen allowed his feelings and the cigars and porter to overcome him, and looked round upon the beholders with damp spectacles.

“is nothing to be said to me? ” cried Wardle, with open arms.

“A great deal, ” whispered Arabella, as she received the old gentleman's hearty caress and congratulation. “You are a hardhearted, unfeeling, cruel monster. ”

“You are a little rebel, ” replied Wardle, in the same tone, “and I am afraid I shall be obliged to forbid you the house. People like you, who get married in spite of everybody, ought not to be let loose on society. But come! ” added the old gentleman aloud, “here's the dinner; you shall sit by me. Joe; why, damn the boy, he's awake! ”

To the great distress of his master, the fat boy was indeed in a state of remarkable vigilance, his eyes being wide open, and looking as if they intended to remain so. There was an alacrity in his manner, too, which was equally unaccountable; every time his eyes met those of Emily or Arabella, he smirked and grinned; once, Wardle could have sworn, he saw him wink.

This alteration in the fat boy's demeanour originated in his increased sense of his own importance, and the dignity he acquired from having been taken into the confidence of the young ladies; and the smirks, and grins, and winks were so many condescending assurances that they might depend upon his fidelity. As these tokens were rather calculated to awaken suspicion than allay it, and were somewhat embarrassing besides, they were occasionally answered by a frown or shake of the head from Arabella, which the fat boy, considering as hints to be on his guard, expressed his perfect understanding of, by smirking, grinning, and winking, with redoubled assiduity.

“Joe, ” said Mr. Wardle, after an unsuccessful search in all his pockets, “is my snuff-box on the sofa? ”

“No, sir, ” replied the fat boy.

“Oh, I recollect; I left it on my dressing-table this morning, ” said Wardle. “Run into the next room and fetch it. ”

The fat boy went into the next room; and, having been absent about a minute, returned with the snuff-box, and the palest face that ever a fat boy wore.

“What's the matter with the boy? ” exclaimed Wardle.

“Nothen's the matter with me, ” replied Joe nervously.

“Have you been seeing any spirits? ” inquired the old gentleman.

“Or taking any? ” added Ben Allen.

“I think you're right, ” whispered Wardle across the table. “He is intoxicated, I'm sure. ”

Ben Allen replied that he thought he was; and, as that gentleman had seen a vast deal of the disease in question, Wardle was confirmed in an impression which had been hovering about his mind for half an hour, and at once arrived at the conclusion that the fat boy was drunk.

“Just keep your eye upon him for a few minutes, ” murmured Wardle. “We shall soon find out whether he is or not. ”

The unfortunate youth had only interchanged a dozen words with Mr. Snodgrass, that gentleman having implored him to make a private appeal to some friend to release him, and then pushed him out with the snuff-box, lest his prolonged absence should lead to a discovery. He ruminated a little with a most disturbed expression of face, and left the room in search of Mary.

But Mary had gone home after dressing her mistress, and the fat boy came back again more disturbed than before.

Wardle and Mr. Ben Allen exchanged glances. “Joe! ” said Wardle.

“Yes, sir. ”

“What did you go away for? ”

The fat boy looked hopelessly in the face of everybody at table, and stammered out that he didn't know.

“Oh, ” said Wardle, “you don't know, eh? Take this cheese to Mr. Pickwick. ”

Now, Mr. Pickwick being in the very best health and spirits, had been making himself perfectly delightful all dinner-time, and was at this moment engaged in an energetic conversation with Emily and Mr. Winkle; bowing his head, courteously, in the emphasis of his discourse, gently waving his left hand to lend force to his observations, and all glowing with placid smiles. He took a piece of cheese from the plate, and was on the point of turning round to renew the conversation, when the fat boy, stooping so as to bring his head on a level with that of Mr. Pickwick, pointed with his thumb over his shoulder, and made the most horrible and hideous face that was ever seen out of a Christmas pantomime.

“Dear me! ” said Mr. Pickwick, starting, “what a very—Eh? ” He stopped, for the fat boy had drawn himself up, and was, or pretended to be, fast asleep.

“What's the matter? ” inquired Wardle.

“This is such an extremely singular lad! ” replied Mr. Pickwick, looking uneasily at the boy. “It seems an odd thing to say, but upon my word I am afraid that, at times, he is a little deranged. ”

“Oh! Mr. Pickwick, pray don't say so, ” cried Emily and Arabella, both at once.

“I am not certain, of course, ” said Mr. Pickwick, amidst profound silence and looks of general dismay; “but his manner to me this moment really was very alarming. Oh! ” ejaculated Mr. Pickwick, suddenly jumping up with a short scream. “I beg your pardon, ladies, but at that moment he ran some sharp instrument into my leg. Really, he is not safe. ”

“He's drunk, ” roared old Wardle passionately. “Ring the bell! Call the waiters! He's drunk. ”

“I ain't, ” said the fat boy, falling on his knees as his master seized him by the collar. “I ain't drunk. ”

“Then you're mad; that's worse. Call the waiters, ” said the old gentleman.

“I ain't mad; I'm sensible, ” rejoined the fat boy, beginning to cry.

“Then, what the devil did you run sharp instruments into Mr. Pickwick's legs for? ” inquired Wardle angrily.

“He wouldn't look at me, ” replied the boy. “I wanted to speak to him. ”

“What did you want to say? ” asked half a dozen voices at once.

The fat boy gasped, looked at the bedroom door, gasped again, and wiped two tears away with the knuckle of each of his forefingers.

“What did you want to say? ” demanded Wardle, shaking him.

“Stop! ” said Mr. Pickwick; “allow me. What did you wish to communicate to me, my poor boy? ”

“I want to whisper to you, ” replied the fat boy.

“You want to bite his ear off, I suppose, ” said Wardle. “Don't come near him; he's vicious; ring the bell, and let him be taken downstairs. ”

Just as Mr. Winkle caught the bell-rope in his hand, it was arrested by a general expression of astonishment; the captive lover, his face burning with confusion, suddenly walked in from the bedroom, and made a comprehensive bow to the company.

“Hollo! ” cried Wardle, releasing the fat boy's collar, and staggering back. “What's this? ”

“I have been concealed in the next room, sir, since you returned, ” explained Mr. Snodgrass.

“Emily, my girl, ” said Wardle reproachfully, “I detest meanness and deceit; this is unjustifiable and indelicate in the highest degree. I don't deserve this at your hands, Emily, indeed! ”

“Dear papa, ” said Emily, “Arabella knows—everybody here knows—Joe knows—that I was no party to this concealment. Augustus, for Heaven's sake, explain it! ”

Mr. Snodgrass, who had only waited for a hearing, at once recounted how he had been placed in his then distressing predicament; how the fear of giving rise to domestic dissensions had alone prompted him to avoid Mr. Wardle on his entrance; how he merely meant to depart by another door, but, finding it locked, had been compelled to stay against his will. It was a painful situation to be placed in; but he now regretted it the less, inasmuch as it afforded him an opportunity of acknowledging, before their mutual friends, that he loved Mr. Wardle's daughter deeply and sincerely; that he was proud to avow that the feeling was mutual; and that if thousands of miles were placed between them, or oceans rolled their waters, he could never for an instant forget those happy days, when first—et cetera, et cetera.

Having delivered himself to this effect, Mr. Snodgrass bowed again, looked into the crown of his hat, and stepped towards the door.

“Stop! ” shouted Wardle. “Why, in the name of all that's—”

“Inflammable, ” mildly suggested Mr. Pickwick, who thought something worse was coming.

“Well—that's inflammable, ” said Wardle, adopting the substitute; “couldn't you say all this to me in the first instance? ”

“Or confide in me? ” added Mr. Pickwick.

“Dear, dear, ” said Arabella, taking up the defence, “what is the use of asking all that now, especially when you know you had set your covetous old heart on a richer son-in-law, and are so wild and fierce besides, that everybody is afraid of you, except me? Shake hands with him, and order him some dinner, for goodness gracious” sake, for he looks half starved; and pray have your wine up at once, for you'll not be tolerable until you have taken two bottles at least. ”

The worthy old gentleman pulled Arabella's ear, kissed her without the smallest scruple, kissed his daughter also with great affection, and shook Mr. Snodgrass warmly by the hand.

“She is right on one point at all events, ” said the old gentleman cheerfully. “Ring for the wine! ”

The wine came, and Perker came upstairs at the same moment. Mr. Snodgrass had dinner at a side table, and, when he had despatched it, drew his chair next Emily, without the smallest opposition on the old gentleman's part.

The evening was excellent. Little Mr. Perker came out wonderfully, told various comic stories, and sang a serious song which was almost as funny as the anecdotes. Arabella was very charming, Mr. Wardle very jovial, Mr. Pickwick very harmonious, Mr. Ben Allen very uproarious, the lovers very silent, Mr. Winkle very talkative, and all of them very happy.

CHAPTER LV Mr. SOLOMON PELL, ASSISTED BY A SELECT COMMITTEE

OF COACHMEN, ARRANGES THE AFFAIRS OF THE ELDER Mr. WELLER

“Samivel, ” said Mr. Weller, accosting his son on the morning after the funeral, “I've found it, Sammy. I thought it wos there. ”

“Thought wot wos there? ” inquired Sam.

“Your mother-in-law's vill, Sammy, ” replied Mr. Weller. “In wirtue o” vich, them arrangements is to be made as I told you on, last night, respectin” the funs. ”

“Wot, didn't she tell you were it wos? ” inquired Sam.

“Not a bit on it, Sammy, ” replied Mr. Weller. “We wos a adjestin” our little differences, and I wos a-cheerin” her spirits and bearin” her up, so that I forgot to ask anythin” about it. I don't know as I should ha” done it, indeed, if I had remembered it, ” added Mr. Weller, “for it's a rum sort o” thing, Sammy, to go a-hankerin” arter anybody's property, ven you're assistin” “em in illness. It's like helping an outside passenger up, ven he's been pitched off a coach, and puttin” your hand in his pocket, vile you ask him, vith a sigh, how he finds his-self, Sammy. ”

With this figurative illustration of his meaning, Mr. Weller unclasped his pocket-book, and drew forth a dirty sheet of letter-paper, on which were inscribed various characters crowded together in remarkable confusion.

“This here is the dockyment, Sammy, ” said Mr. Weller. “I found it in the little black tea-pot, on the top shelf o” the bar closet. She used to keep bank-notes there, “fore she vos married, Samivel. I've seen her take the lid off, to pay a bill, many and many a time. Poor creetur, she might ha” filled all the tea-pots in the house vith vills, and not have inconwenienced herself neither, for she took wery little of anythin” in that vay lately, “cept on the temperance nights, ven they just laid a foundation o” tea to put the spirits atop on! ”

“What does it say? ” inquired Sam.

“Jist vot I told you, my boy, ” rejoined his parent. “Two hundred pound vurth o” reduced counsels to my son-in-law, Samivel, and all the rest o” my property, of ev'ry kind and description votsoever, to my husband, Mr. Tony Veller, who I appint as my sole eggzekiter. ”

“That's all, is it? ” said Sam.

“That's all, ” replied Mr. Weller. “And I s'pose as it's all right and satisfactory to you and me as is the only parties interested, ve may as vell put this bit o” paper into the fire. ”

“Wot are you a-doin” on, you lunatic? ” said Sam, snatching the paper away, as his parent, in all innocence, stirred the fire preparatory to suiting the action to the word. “You're a nice eggzekiter, you are. ”

“Vy not? ” inquired Mr. Weller, looking sternly round, with the poker in his hand.

“Vy not? ” exclaimed Sam. “Cos it must be proved, and probated, and swore to, and all manner o” formalities. ”

“You don't mean that? ” said Mr. Weller, laying down the poker.

Sam buttoned the will carefully in a side pocket; intimating by a look, meanwhile, that he did mean it, and very seriously too.

“Then I'll tell you wot it is, ” said Mr. Weller, after a short meditation, “this is a case for that “ere confidential pal o” the Chancellorship's. Pell must look into this, Sammy. He's the man for a difficult question at law. Ve'll have this here brought afore the Solvent Court, directly, Samivel. ”

“I never did see such a addle-headed old creetur! ” exclaimed Sam irritably; “Old Baileys, and Solvent Courts, and alleybis, and ev'ry species o” gammon alvays a-runnin” through his brain. You'd better get your out o” door clothes on, and come to town about this bisness, than stand a-preachin” there about wot you don't understand nothin” on. ”

“Wery good, Sammy, ” replied Mr. Weller, “I'm quite agreeable to anythin” as vill hexpedite business, Sammy. But mind this here, my boy, nobody but Pell—nobody but Pell as a legal adwiser. ”

“I don't want anybody else, ” replied Sam. “Now, are you a-comin”? ”

“Vait a minit, Sammy, ” replied Mr. Weller, who, having tied his shawl with the aid of a small glass that hung in the window, was now, by dint of the most wonderful exertions, struggling into his upper garments. “Vait a minit” Sammy; ven you grow as old as your father, you von't get into your veskit quite as easy as you do now, my boy. ”

“If I couldn't get into it easier than that, I'm blessed if I'd vear vun at all, ” rejoined his son.

“You think so now, ” said Mr. Weller, with the gravity of age, “but you'll find that as you get vider, you'll get viser. Vidth and visdom, Sammy, alvays grows together. ”

As Mr. Weller delivered this infallible maxim—the result of many years” personal experience and observation—he contrived, by a dexterous twist of his body, to get the bottom button of his coat to perform its office. Having paused a few seconds to recover breath, he brushed his hat with his elbow, and declared himself ready.

“As four heads is better than two, Sammy, ” said Mr. Weller, as they drove along the London Road in the chaise-cart, “and as all this here property is a wery great temptation to a legal gen'l'm'n, ve'll take a couple o” friends o” mine vith us, as'll be wery soon down upon him if he comes anythin” irreg'lar; two o” them as saw you to the Fleet that day. They're the wery best judges, ” added Mr. Weller, in a half-whisper—“the wery best judges of a horse, you ever know'd. ”

“And of a lawyer too? ” inquired Sam.

“The man as can form a ackerate judgment of a animal, can form a ackerate judgment of anythin', ” replied his father, so dogmatically, that Sam did not attempt to controvert the position.

In pursuance of this notable resolution, the services of the mottled-faced gentleman and of two other very fat coachmen—selected by Mr. Weller, probably, with a view to their width and consequent wisdom—were put into requisition; and this assistance having been secured, the party proceeded to the public-house in Portugal Street, whence a messenger was despatched to the Insolvent Court over the way, requiring Mr. Solomon Pell's immediate attendance.

The messenger fortunately found Mr. Solomon Pell in court, regaling himself, business being rather slack, with a cold collation of an Abernethy biscuit and a saveloy. The message was no sooner whispered in his ear than he thrust them in his pocket among various professional documents, and hurried over the way with such alacrity that he reached the parlour before the messenger had even emancipated himself from the court.

“Gentlemen, ” said Mr. Pell, touching his hat, “my service to you all. I don't say it to flatter you, gentlemen, but there are not five other men in the world, that I'd have come out of that court for, to-day. ”

“So busy, eh? ” said Sam.

“Busy! ” replied Pell; “I'm completely sewn up, as my friend the late Lord Chancellor many a time used to say to me, gentlemen, when he came out from hearing appeals in the House of Lords. Poor fellow; he was very susceptible to fatigue; he used to feel those appeals uncommonly. I actually thought more than once that he'd have sunk under “em; I did, indeed. ”

Here Mr. Pell shook his head and paused; on which, the elder Mr. Weller, nudging his neighbour, as begging him to mark the attorney's high connections, asked whether the duties in question produced any permanent ill effects on the constitution of his noble friend.

“I don't think he ever quite recovered them, ” replied Pell; “in fact I'm sure he never did. “Pell, ” he used to say to me many a time, “how the blazes you can stand the head-work you do, is a mystery to me. ”—”Well, ” I used to answer, “I hardly know how I do it, upon my life. ”—”Pell, ” he'd add, sighing, and looking at me with a little envy—friendly envy, you know, gentlemen, mere friendly envy; I never minded it—”Pell, you're a wonder; a wonder. ” Ah! you'd have liked him very much if you had known him, gentlemen. Bring me three-penn'orth of rum, my dear. ”

Addressing this latter remark to the waitress, in a tone of subdued grief, Mr. Pell sighed, looked at his shoes and the ceiling; and, the rum having by that time arrived, drank it up.

“However, ” said Pell, drawing a chair to the table, “a professional man has no right to think of his private friendships when his legal assistance is wanted. By the bye, gentlemen, since I saw you here before, we have had to weep over a very melancholy occurrence. ”

Mr. Pell drew out a pocket-handkerchief, when he came to the word weep, but he made no further use of it than to wipe away a slight tinge of rum which hung upon his upper lip.

“I saw it in the ADVERTISER, Mr. Weller, ” continued Pell. “Bless my soul, not more than fifty-two! Dear me—only think. ”

These indications of a musing spirit were addressed to the mottled-faced man, whose eyes Mr. Pell had accidentally caught; on which, the mottled-faced man, whose apprehension of matters in general was of a foggy nature, moved uneasily in his seat, and opined that, indeed, so far as that went, there was no saying how things was brought about; which observation, involving one of those subtle propositions which it is difficult to encounter in argument, was controverted by nobody.

“I have heard it remarked that she was a very fine woman, Mr. Weller, ” said Pell, in a sympathising manner.

“Yes, sir, she wos, ” replied the elder Mr. Weller, not much relishing this mode of discussing the subject, and yet thinking that the attorney, from his long intimacy with the late Lord Chancellor, must know best on all matters of polite breeding. “She wos a wery fine “ooman, sir, ven I first know'd her. She wos a widder, sir, at that time. ”

“Now, it's curious, ” said Pell, looking round with a sorrowful smile; “Mrs. Pell was a widow. ”

“That's very extraordinary, ” said the mottled-faced man.

“Well, it is a curious coincidence, ” said Pell.

“Not at all, ” gruffly remarked the elder Mr. Weller. “More widders is married than single wimin. ”

“Very good, very good, ” said Pell, “you're quite right, Mr. Weller. Mrs. Pell was a very elegant and accomplished woman; her manners were the theme of universal admiration in our neighbourhood. I was proud to see that woman dance; there was something so firm and dignified, and yet natural, in her motion. Her cutting, gentlemen, was simplicity itself. Ah! well, well! Excuse my asking the question, Mr. Samuel, ” continued the attorney in a lower voice, “was your mother-in-law tall? ”

“Not wery, ” replied Sam.

“Mrs. Pell was a tall figure, ” said Pell, “a splendid woman, with a noble shape, and a nose, gentlemen, formed to command and be majestic. She was very much attached to me—very much—highly connected, too. Her mother's brother, gentlemen, failed for eight hundred pounds, as a law stationer. ”

“Vell, ” said Mr. Weller, who had grown rather restless during this discussion, “vith regard to bis'ness. ”

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