Bands and My Comments

Task Achievement: 8

-covers all requirements of the task sufficiently; presents, highlights and illustrates bullet points clearly and appropriately.

-to get a higher band, mind my notes in brackets.

Coherence and Cohesion: 9

-uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention; skillfully manages paragraphing.

Lexical Range and Accuracy: 8

- uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings;

-lexis to appreciate: under your management, made me very excited, to contribute to the cultural life of our community, clearly understand, worth more than money, two blocks away, drew my attention, minor restoration, am willing to help, serve as a proof, making a decision in my favour, highlight my punctuality and reliability, probably appreciate, this schedule is not acceptable, change it in accordance with your preferences, respond at your earliest convenience.

-skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there are occasional inaccuracies in collocation (*devote oneself to smth); rare errors in spelling (*modelling) and word formation (*advertising), some repetition should be avoided to score higher.

Grammar Range and Accuracy: 6

- uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms (*relative clauses, conditionals); makes some errors in grammar and persistent punctuation errors with clauses.

-to increase the band more error-free and complex sentences are required.

Rewritten letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in doing part-time voluntary work at the museum which is under your management.

The advertisement in the local newspaper made me very excited about such an opportunity to contribute to the cultural life of our community. I clearly understand that voluntary work is unpaid; nevertheless, the opportunity to benefit doing something useful for people is worth more than money. Moreover, I live only two blocks away, and the museum is one of my favorite entertainments.

During my last visit to the museum, a collection of sailboat models drew my attention. Some models looked excellent, while othersseemed to need some minor restoration. I am willing to help with it, and I hope my five-year experience working as a ship-modelling tutor can serve as a proof that I am the right person. I am said to be proficient in making and assembling warship miniatures in a meticulous and creative way. I would also like to highlight my punctuality and reliability, which you will probably appreciate.

It would be convenient for me to devote myself to the voluntary work for about two hours every Saturday and Sunday in the morning beginning at 10 am. If this schedule is not acceptable, I will be able to change it in accordance with your preferences.

I would be grateful if you could respond at your earliest convenience.

Yours faithfully,

Maria Baria

Words 226 TA: 9 CC: 9 LRA: 8 GRA: 8 Overall: 8. 5

⇐ Предыдущая 1 23