LETTER TONE: FORMAL. Contents. Student’s Letter Corrected. A museum near your home is looking for people to do part-time voluntary/unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntary/unpaid work at the museum.. Write a letter to the museum director to apply

LETTER TONE: FORMAL

Contents

Student’s Letter Corrected…. 2

Bands and My Comments …. 3

Rewritten Letter…………….. 4

Student’s Letter Corrected

A museum near your home is looking for people to do part-time voluntary/unpaid work. You would like to do some voluntary/unpaid work at the museum.

Write a letter to the museum director to apply for the voluntary/unpaid work.

In your letter

· explain why you want to do voluntary/unpaid work at the museum

· describe some skills and qualities you have that would be useful

· give details of when you would be available for work

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in doing part-time voluntary work at the museum which is under your management.

The advertis~~ing~~ment [LR: advertisement is a more precise word] in the local newspaper made me very excited about such an opportunity to contribute to the cultural life of our community. I clearly understand that voluntary work is unpaid; [GRA: a semi-colon is necessary to split two clauses, but not a comma here] nevertheless, the opportunity to [GRA: the definite article is needed as it’s clear due to the context what kind of opportunity is meant, that is work in the museum] benefit of doing something useful for people is worth more than money [GRA: the structure with “benefit” needs rewriting]. Moreover, I live only two blocks away, and the museum is one of my favorite entertainments [GRA: “entertainment” is countable in this context, so must be plural].

During my last visit to the museum, a collection of sailboat models drew my attention. Some models ~~looked~~ were looking [GRA: the stative verb “look” shouldn’t be used in this context in the continuous form]excellent, while others, obviously, needed some minor restoration [TA: it’s better to write “while others seemed to need some minor restoration” to sound politer]. I am willing to help with it, [GRA: the clauses in the compound sentence must be separated with a comma] and I hope my five-year experience working as a ship-modelling [LR: “l” must be doubled according to the UK spelling] tutor can serve as a proof that I am the right person [TA: give more support to your idea, mention the skills that you’ve got]. I hope it can be helpful in making a decision in my favour. [TA: irrelevant idea, repetition of the previous sentence] I would also like to highlight my punctuality and reliability, [GRA: a comma is needed as the relative clause gives additional information, non-essential] which you will probably appreciate.

It would be convenient for me to devote myself to the voluntary work for about two hours every Saturday and Sunday in the morning, beginning at 10 am. If this schedule is not acceptable, I will be able to change it in accordance with your preferences.

I would be grateful if you could respond at your earliest convenience.

Yours faithfully,

Maria Baria

! Coherence and cohesion

the words coloured yellow highlight cohesive features in the letter, not the mistakes

Words 189 Overall band: 8986=7. 5

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