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I gulp. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?” he scolds me again.

Oh, for fucks sake. Just fuck me already. “Okay, Gabriel,” I emphasize the word to appease him.

“Very good,” he says. And then a soft black cloth emerges in front of my eyes as he knots it around the back of my head.

“This will teach you not to look at me for now,” he says. “Now lean forward so that your face is against the floor, but keep your ass in the air and spread your legs.”

Oh my God, he has got to be joking. I don’t want to be in such a vulnerable position in front of him, so exposed. He can see everything if I do that. I hesitate for a few moments, and then feel his hand tugging my hair, easing my head to the floor.

“Don’t make me wait,” he growls.

I reluctantly push my ass into the air and spread my legs. Thank God I waxed everything. The air is cool against my sensitive flesh as I lay there, waiting.

“Good, Victoria. You look lovely like that.” He dips one of his fingers inside me. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

I clench my eyes shut even though I’m blindfolded. This is embarrassing. I’m not used to this kind of intimacy, and I have no idea why I’m giving it to him.

And then I feel it. His palm, tapping me down there. It isn’t inside me, but rather right above my entrance. Right over my swollen, sensitive flesh. It’s soft at first, a light teasing tap, and then he increases the pressure gradually. It feels strange, like a slight bite of pain mixed with pleasure, and the feelings it evokes are intense. I moan as he increases again, harder and faster. I can’t move my hands, and my hips seem to be rocking of their own accord.

“Don’t move,” he says firmly. “I want you still. I’m going to make you come, and I want you to feel all of it.”

Oh, sweet mother of all. He sounds so sure of himself. But I’m not. I can’t tell if I’m going to explode or cry from the intensity. I try to remain still as the taps turn into slaps. Hard, fast slaps that send pulsing sensations throughout my entire body. My stomach is beginning to ache, everything in my body tense as the feelings take over me. And then, all at once, a scream tears from deep inside of me as he releases waves of pleasure throughout my body.

I collapse onto the ground, breathless and unable to hold myself up a second longer. There’s moisture running down my legs, but I don’t care. I’m too shocked by what just happened to be uncomfortable. I’m flying high on Gabriel, and the things this man can do to me. He’s brought pleasure to a place that had once only known pain. He made me feel unashamed for something which I had only ever felt embarrassed about.

I lay there for several moments in complete silence, trying to catch my breath. The next thing I feel is Gabriel scooping me up into his arms and carrying me across the room. He stops at the foot of the bed, laying the top half of my body across it, leaving my legs dangling over the end. His hand caresses the tender flesh between my legs again, and I jerk at the contact.

“God, Victoria, you are so fucking wet.” His voice is husky and feral, ripe with need.

“Mmmm…” is all I can manage. I’m still dizzy and seeing stars from the intense orgasm.

I hear the sound of foil right before his erection presses against me. He nudges inside of me slowly, pressing his hand into my lower back as he fills me. Every inch that he pushes deeper sends my nerves into overdrive, my body begging for more.

He moves in and out in soft teasing strokes at first, savoring the feel of me around him. But then his instincts take over, and he loses himself in the need for his pleasure. He starts pumping hard and fast, keeping his hand on my back to hold me in place. He’s taking no prisoners, and as he promised he’s fucking me roughly.

His pace quickens again and I can feel his balls slapping against me as he thrusts, the tightness building inside me. I’m exhausted and sore, but my body craves this. My stomach is clenching, tightening, aching in anticipation. He slides one of his hands up into my hair, grabbing a handful as he pumps into me furiously. The pleasure mingled with the slight pain is enough to send me over the edge, and I come violently around his hard cock.

Before the tremors inside of me have even subsided, Gabriel grunts loudly behind me, both his hands digging into my hips. His cock pulses inside of me as he releases, an animalistic sound wrenching from his chest. And then he collapses on top of me.

I can hardly breathe, but I don’t care. I love the feeling of his warm, naked body on top of mine. After a few more blissful moments, Gabriel pulls out of me and drags me up onto the bed completely. I lay there panting and dazed as he undoes the belt and the blindfold. I can’t speak or move, and I’m glad when he lays down next to me in silence.

Chapter Ten

Victoria

Two hours later, I roll over and groggily realize my mistake. I fell asleep. Gabriel looks uncomfortable with the whole situation as he sits in a chair next to the bed, typing on his computer. As I rub my sleepy eyes, the awkwardness threatens to swallow me whole. This was just supposed to be sex, and I fell asleep in his apartment.

“I didn’t want you to wake up and not know where you were,” he says gently.

“Right… sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He shrugs. “I’m sure I exhausted you.”

I sit up and belatedly come to the conclusion that I’m still naked. Embarrassment washes over me as Gabriel watches me, his expression indecipherable. I still can’t believe I was sleeping in front of him completely naked, no doubt drooling too.

“You did exhaust me,” I say, unable to think of anything else.

“Did you enjoy it?” he asks tentatively.

“I did.”

My cheeks burn as he continues to scrutinize me, like he’s watching me for some sort of false reaction or something.

“So does that mean you’ll do it again?” he asks.

“Yes.” I give him a soft smile. “I’d like that.”

He pushes his computer aside and stands, approaching me slowly. He’s dressed again, and part of me saddens at the thought. I still haven’t actually had a chance to look at him naked, and I wonder if I ever will.

He pauses at the side of the bed, the longing in his eyes now clear, but he doesn’t make any moves. Is he waiting for me to tell him it’s okay? Because I thought I just had.

I don’t wait or try to overanalyze it anymore. I climb towards the edge of the bed, sitting up on my knees in front of him and pulling him into a kiss. It’s a moment of bravery, and I’m not entirely sure he will like it, but he groans with pleasure as soon as my lips touch his. I fist my hands into his hair and pull him down onto me, his erection pressing against me.

“Aren’t you sore?” he asks hesitantly.

“I’m very sore.” I nod. “But I still want you.”

He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to mine, savoring my words. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please, Gabriel. I want this.”

He contemplates it for another moment before tugging his shirt over his head and leaving me in stunned silence. The sight that greets me is so unexpected, I can do nothing but stare at him like a loon. His upper arms and chest are covered in beautiful pieces of ink that I had no idea were lurking beneath his clothing. Intricately woven black roses surround a pair of wings and a patch of script with the name Parker. The artist did an amazing job of bringing the emotion of the piece to life, and I realize immediately it’s a memorial.

I want to ask him about it, but Gabriel stiffens as I inspect it, and I tear my gaze away to his abs instead. Hard and muscular with that perfect sexy V-shape, he has a small trail of hair leading down to his waistband. My fingers trail over it absently, and he seems to relax beneath my touch.

He mounts the bed and lowers himself onto me, his lips meeting mine in a feverish kiss. I reach down and tug at his waist band, letting his erection spring free as I gather it into my palm. My hand moves up and down his thick shaft, testing my limits. I know I’m pushing my luck, but he hasn’t outright stopped me, and his entire body has slackened with my touch. But all too soon, he gains back what little control he may have lost in the moment.

“Victoria,” he whispers. “Lay on your back.”

I pout and do as he says, watching him roll on a condom.

“I’m going to fuck you now,” he smirks.

It’s an offer too good to refuse.

He fucks me, as promised, but not quite as rough as before, and this time with no bondage. By the time it’s all over, I really am exhausted. I can hardly move, and I’m surprised when he takes me into his arms, holding me against his chest. He smells so good, and now I smell like him too… just like I wanted. His skin is warm and comforting against my cheek, and before I know it, my eyes are growing heavy again. I force myself to sit up.

“I should probably go.”

He looks up at me, his face soft and relaxed. “Are you sure?” he pauses for a moment before adding, “you don’t have to. You could sleep in here for a while if you’re tired.”

Without him, I assume. “No, it’s okay. My roommate’s probably waiting for me anyway. And I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

He doesn’t respond, so I think I’m right in my assumption. I stand up and quickly reassemble myself, picking up my clothes and dressing.

Gabriel ambles over to me, surprising me by taking me in his arms and kissing me again. The kiss is soft and surprisingly gentle.

“I could find something to eat if you’re hungry,” he offers.

“That’s alright.” I smile. “Alanna is probably waiting for me to eat dinner.”

He frowns, looking almost disappointed. But he recovers quickly as he walks me to the door.

“Alanna is your roommate.”

I’m not sure if he’s asking or stating. By now, I have no idea what kind of information he has on me, and quite frankly it’s a bit worrying. Because if he can get his hands on that kind of information, then surely almost anyone can.

“Yes, she is. Roommate, slash pain in the ass, slash best friend,” I reply jokingly.

Gabriel doesn’t smile at my joke. He seems to be distant again.

“So, do you know how long you want to keep this thing going between us?” he asks in a business-like tone.

“Um, I’m not sure.”

“Well, I don’t want it to get complicated,” he says. “So what do you say, maybe three months and then we can go from there?”

Geez, his mood shifted so suddenly. Is he pissed at me? Or is this just how he treats his fuck buddies? Does he think I’m going to get too overly emotional, and that’s why he’s asking? If that’s the case, I know how to stop that thought process right here.

“I’m leaving in two months, Gabriel. So I guess it will be either before or until then.”

My words actually seem to shock him, and the muscle in his jaw starts ticking.

“When were you planning on telling me that?”

“Um, I just did?”

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “We’ll talk about this later then.” He kisses me chastely on the lips before sending me out the door.

I can’t help feeling a little wounded myself at the manner in which I’m being dismissed. I know he offered for me to stay, and then offered me food, but then he just switched off like he didn’t mean any of it. Mere formalities. I hate that he’s so hot and cold all the time. And he didn’t even tell me when we’d see each other again. I shiver as I step out into the cool evening air of New York City, knowing I’ve really stepped in it this time.

Chapter Eleven

Victoria

I arrive back at my apartment, courtesy of a taxi. Paul was waiting downstairs at Gabriel’s apartment by the time I got to the bottom which only added to my annoyance. The thought of him being on standby for me, waiting to leave, was more than a little strange. I told him I would get my own way home, and he looked none too happy about it. Presumably due to the prospect of facing Gabriel’s irritation.

I have some serious thinking to do about this whole situation. I feel deflated as I climb the steps to my door, hoping Alanna can help make some sense of all of this. She always knows just what to do in these types of situations, and that’s one of the reasons why I love her so much. But as I suspect after walking into an empty apartment, I find a note stating she’s on another date. I don’t bother making anything to eat and opt for a hot shower and bed instead.

The next day I sleep in late and don’t bother checking with the courier company for work. As I pad down the hallway, I find Alanna hunkered down on the couch watching tv. She smiles when I walk in and then frowns when she reads the expression on my face.

“What happened, babe? You were asleep so early last night. Did everything go alright?”

I pour myself some coffee and make my way to the couch, kicking my fuzzy slippers onto the rickety coffee table. “Well, it didn’t exactly go to plan, I’ll put it that way. And I definitely need your advice on this one. But first I want to order some food, I’m starving.”

“Okay doll, anything you want, I’m yours for the day.” She walks to the fridge and grabs some takeout menus. “What do you feel like? Indian, Chinese, Pizza?”

Nothing really sounds that appetizing, even though I’m starving. “I don’t know, surprise me.”

Alanna sets out to find her cell phone and order the food. She comes back ten minutes later to find me sprawled out on the couch, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

“Okay, food’s on its way. Now tell me what the hell happened because I can’t take the suspense of knowing why you look…” She motions at my lifeless body with her hand. “Like that. It isn’t like you, and I’m worried.”

I pull myself together and sit up. “Well, you don’t need to be worried, I’m fine I swear. I’m just confused and probably being dramatic. God, I don’t even know where to begin, Alanna. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.”

She furrows her eyebrows with concern and takes a seat beside me. “What happened? Did he hurt you?”

I smile at her protective instincts and shake my head. “No, it was nothing like that.”

I purposely leave out the little detail of him spanking me, because even though it did hurt a little, I enjoyed it, and it would just be embarrassing if I told her about it.

“Oh, well then color me confused. What happened then?”

I can’t look her in the eye. We talk about sex all the time, but it’s mainly Alanna’s sex life since I don’t have one. But this is different, and it feels more than a little awkward. “I uh… I don’t know exactly how to say this.”

“Oh c’mon!” she urges. “Don’t be embarrassed around me. You can tell me anything. We have no secrets, remember?”

I sigh, knowing that she’s right. She’s the one person I trust with my life. And given our background, there’s good reason for that.

When I met Alanna, it was during my first year of being on the run. I was crashing in a homeless shelter in Texas when she came in bloodied and bruised. She had been beaten to a pulp by her husband, who just so happened to be a cop. She was scared and had nowhere to go and was afraid she would have to return to her husband or die trying to get away.

We became fast friends, deciding to go on the run together. We learned through trial and error how to stay under the radar. We would only stay in places that took cash and fake names and only worked under the table type jobs. After a while, we realized that the big cities were easier to hide in, with lots of crappy places to stay that didn’t mind turning a blind eye for a bit of cash.

But it didn’t take long for me to realize that Alanna had more problems than just an abusive husband after her. She was addicted to pain-killers as well. I found her in our motel room one night passed out with the empty bottles surrounding her. She was unresponsive, and I had to take a big risk by taking her to the hospital. I gave the hospital a fake name and paid in cash for the visit. Luckily Alanna pulled through, but everything changed after that night.

I had to give her an ultimatum. If she wanted to stick together, she had to give up the drugs, and we could have no secrets between us. She pleaded with me to stay with her, and I did. For the next month, we stayed locked up in a cheap motel room while she detoxed. I was there for her every step of the way. And during that time, our friendship changed. From that day on, we became more like sisters.

I glance at the woman sitting across from me now and smile. I would have never believed that the vibrant, beautiful, bubbly creature that she is would have ever been depressed in her life. Or taken any kind of shit from a man. She’s a changed woman now, and I couldn’t be prouder of how far she’s come.

She clears her throat and smirks at me. “What are you smiling about over there in la-la land? You’ve been out of it for like five minutes!”

I grin, and grab her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“Just something you said. I was thinking about the early days of us on the run together. How did I ever get so lucky to meet you?”

She leans in and hugs me tight. “Are you kidding me, Toto? I’m the lucky one. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Literally a blessing from heaven above. You saved my life, and I can’t imagine being without you either.”

“Remember how stupid we were back then?” I laugh. “Trying to hide in small towns and trying to come up with fake names all the time. It was so much harder when we had no idea what we were doing. We are like pros now.”

She bursts out laughing right along with me. “Yeah, we were pretty dumb back then.”

We sit back on the couch and relax for a minute before she changes the subject back. I knew it was only a matter of time.

“Seriously Toto, you and I have been through so much together. You can tell me anything, and I will never ever judge you or make you feel bad for it. I am so not that person, you should know that.”

I nod and clasp my hands nervously in my lap. “I know.”

“So, please will you tell me what happened with you and Gabriel today?” she asks.

“Yes, Alanna.” I sigh. “But you should know this is really awkward for me. You know how I get when I try to talk about sex.”

“Okay.” She scrunches her face, trying her best to suppress her smile.

“So Gabriel has a little bit of a kinky side.”

Her eyes widen with sudden interest. “Well, honestly, I’d be kind of surprised if he didn’t. He’s rich, and those people are notorious for being kinky bastards. So what exactly is he into?”

“Um….” I shift nervously in my seat. “Well, he likes to… uh… dominate, I guess.” I whisper as if that will somehow compensate for the embarrassment.

Alanna shakes violently with laughter and slaps her hand on her thigh for good measure. I scowl at her. After her minute-long fit of uproarious laughter, she breathes a huge sigh of relief. “Is that all? So he told you he wants to dominate you?”

“Yes!” I state firmly, panic flashing across my face. “And I actually let him.”

“You had me thinking the worst. So you actually tried it? Did you like it?” As soon as the words are out of her mouth, her brow furrows with new realization. “Oh…. geez I am such an idiot. I didn’t even think. Of course, it would be scary for you, babe. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me, and I wasn’t scared at all. To my surprise, I actually… um, kind of liked it.”

“Well, I am so relieved.” She smiles softly. “But did you kind of like it, or did you really like it? Because right now your face is bright red.”

“Okay, maybe I liked it a lot,” I say sheepishly. “But I don’t know if I want to keep doing this. He is so weird. One minute he’s all hot and sweet, and the next he’s ice cold. I felt weird just leaving afterwards.”

“Well, I hate to point out the obvious, but that’s how casual sex goes. You don’t really stick around.”

“I know,” I groan. “I just… I don’t know.”

“Well, has he treated you badly?” Alanna asks, concern etching her face.

“No, nothing like that,” I reassure her. “He was good, really good. But I just don’t know how to keep my distance, from getting too attached I mean. I don’t want to feel rejected every time I have to leave his apartment.”

“Ah, Victoria, I know it’s hard. I can’t make up your mind for you, sweetie,” she says gently. “All I can do is tell you what I think. You have to decide if it’s something you want to try. I don’t know this guy, he could be great, but I just want you to be careful. I don’t want you going back down the same path as before with men. Letting them treat you like shit. It’s one thing to dominate you in the bedroom, but he better treat you like a princess everywhere else.”

I sink back into the couch, trying to digest her words.

“As for the emotional stuff,” Alanna continues, “sometimes you can’t shut it off. You are just such a caring person. But you also need to make sure that whatever guy you give your love to is actually worthy of it. I don’t want you to put yourself in another situation that could be traumatic for you in any way. After that whole ordeal with that fucker Chris, I don’t ever want to see you with someone like that again.”

I glance up at her, noticing her open disdain as she mentions my ex-boyfriend. Well, I don’t know if I could even call him that. He was the guy I was madly in love with for years. He was more or less the man who used me for sex whenever one of us was passing through. He definitely didn’t love me, and it took me a lot of heartbreak to finally accept it.

“Chris wasn’t a bad guy, he just had problems. Anyway, I’ve moved on from that. Why do you think Gabriel would be like him?” I ask nervously.

Alanna gives me a sympathetic smile and reaches for my hand. “I don’t. Honestly, I don’t even know the guy. I’m just trying to look out for you. So are you sure you liked what you tried today and weren’t just doing it to appease him?”

“No, it definitely wasn’t like that.” I shake my head. “I mean, it’s kind of weird, but I like the way he talks to me. So blunt and open about what he wants. Even though he infuriates me sometimes, it’s kind of hot when he talks to me that way. But at the same time it kind of feels wrong. I mean, I don’t know I just feel torn.”

“Toto, being dominated isn’t wrong if you enjoy it. It’s nothing like what you went through, I promise you that. It took me a long time to realize that too. As long as it’s with the right person, and they know what they’re doing. But you have to be able to trust that person, and to relinquish control. Some women really like it, and some couldn’t wrap their heads around it if they tried. I personally love it when I find a man who takes control… in the bedroom, I mean.”

“I’m so lucky to have such a sexually adventurous friend.” I tease. “I mean who else would I turn to with these kinds of questions?”

Alanna laughs in response. “I know right?”

“Well, I guess I have a lot of thinking to do tonight. But I don’t think you have to worry about Gabriel. He doesn’t seem like the typical assholes I attract, just a kinky one.”

“And mega rich,” she adds. “And hot to boot.”

I roll my eyes, and Alanna takes it in stride.

“Listen, Toto, if you want to try it with him, just remember you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. But I’m still in shock that I’m just now finding out that you like to be dominated.” I smirk. “I have all sorts of crazy images running through my head now, images I never wanted to see.”

“You would say that.” She giggles. “Maybe I’m a little fucked up in the head too, but I enjoy it.”

I relax back into the couch for a moment, lost in thought when the doorbell rings. Alanna pays the delivery man and then lays out an impressive carb-laden spread of Chinese comfort food. I spend the day in my pajamas watching Gilmore Girls and then watch as Alanna happily skips off to another date later that evening.

I haven’t heard anything from Gabriel, and I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m disappointed. I try to remind myself over and over this is supposed to be casual. But at this point, I honestly don’t know if I can do that. Not with him anyway.

I have an important decision to make, and I decide that I need to do some research of my own. I need a better understanding of what kind of man Gabriel is. I sit down on my bed and fire up my laptop, taking a nervous breath as I type his name into Google. For the next forty-five minutes, I mill through gossip blogs, photos, and news articles. By the end, I’m exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Looking at the women he’s dated in the past- famous models and actresses- I feel even worse than before.

In my heart, I know I can’t do this. I’m already feeling too emotionally invested. It shouldn’t be this complicated just to have sex. And I know if I go through with it, somehow I’ll end up getting hurt.

While my mind is clear and focused, I grab my phone and punch in his number. I fumble with the keys as I type out the message.

I’m sorry, but I can’t meet you again.

Victoria x

Before I lose my nerve, I hit send. Then I shut off my phone and take a hot shower. I climb into bed, not even caring that it’s only 7:00 pm. I want sleep and comfort, and to wake up and put all of this behind me tomorrow.

Chapter Twelve

Victoria

I wake to the sound of my door creaking open and the light shining in my face. I rub my eyes wearily as I try to make out the figure looming over me.

“Victoria, it’s me.”

There’s no mistaking the sound of that voice. Deep and rich and sexy as hell. Gabriel. At first I think I might be dreaming, so I smile. But then panic sets in. I sit up in bed anxiously, not sure what I should do. He’s in my apartment, in my fucking bedroom. And here I am half naked and no makeup on.

He proceeds slowly to the mattress on the floor and sits down as gracefully as he can. He looks different. As my eyes adjust, I realize he’s wearing a leather motorcycle jacket and his hair is all windswept and wild.

“What are you doing here?” I ask nervously.

“Alanna let me in,” he replies shortly, glancing around the dimly lit room.

“Jesus, this can’t be where you really live.” He looks down at my mattress with disapproval. “You don’t even have a fucking bed! And don’t get me started on how scary this apartment is.”

His words are enough to bring my inner bitch out of hiding. “Did you just come here to judge my interior decorating skills?”

“This isn’t funny, Victoria.” He stares at me with concern. “This place isn’t safe. It’s very seedy, and I don’t like that two women are living here alone, namely you.”

“Look, I can take care of myself okay. And so can Alanna, we take care of each other. And I do have a bed, you’re sitting on it.”

“A mattress doesn’t make a bed. Tell me why you’re living here. Surely there are better places than this around. Is it an issue of money?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous.” I can’t help but sound offended. “I have money, plenty of money. I just choose not to spend it on flash apartments or furnishing a place that is only temporary.”

He leans closer to me, tucking a loose hair behind my ear, and sending shivers down my spine. I need to get a grip. How can one little touch affect me so much?

I smell the leather of his coat mixed with mint on his breath and I sigh at the pure delight of it. I just assumed he wore suits most of the time, like in all of his photos and at work. But he comes here dressed like this and it just screams bad boy. For some twisted reason, it only makes me want him even more.

“Why did you send me that text?” he asks.

Crap. Here it is. The reason for his being here in the middle of the night.

I look down at my clasped hands in my lap. It was so much easier to be strong when he was safely out of my bubble. But here he is all hot and delicious, expecting me to explain logic to him. “I… I just can’t. It’s too complicated.”

He cups my chin and brings my attention back to his face. “Explain it to me then.”

His voice is soft and gentle as he makes a request that to him seems so simple. But how can I possibly tell him I’m afraid of getting attached? I barely know him. It would sound ridiculous.

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “You are just so all over the place. I don’t know if I’m right for you, I mean for what you want. I’m not anything like the women you usually...”

A small smile creeps across his lips as he stops me. “No, you aren’t,” he says simply. “That’s why I like you.”

I’m glad in the moment for the dim light in the room because I’m blushing like crazy.

“As for yesterday,” he continues, “I’m sorry if I seemed crass when you were leaving. You took me by surprise. And then you told me you were leaving the city soon. But why?”

His tone is gentle, and if I didn’t know any better he seems genuinely disappointed at the news that I’m leaving. I feel a small pain in my own chest at the thought. I like it here. I like him.

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