CHAPTER TWENTY

“Why don’t they come? ” Neala said, whispering so she wouldn’t wake Johnny.

“You sound like you want ’em to, ” Sherri said.

“Hardly. ” She was dressed and standing in the doorway, watching the distant Krulls. Several times, she had tried to count them. They kept moving, though–some vanishing into the woods, others appearing. She counted twenty, twenty‑ four, nineteen, twenty‑ six. They seemed to be doing nothing special. Just milling about. She couldn’t see them well because of the crosses and heads.

“It’s like they’re waiting for something, ” Neala said.

“Yeah. For us. Why don’t we shut the door? ”

“We’ve got to watch. ”

“We can, ” Sherri said. She closed and latched the door. “Over here. ” She stepped sideways through the darkness, and lifted one of the deer skins draping the front wall. Sunlight spilled through the gaps between the logs.

So this was how Sherri spied on them, Neala thought. Anger and humiliation began to burn in her. How much had Sherri watched? The whole thing? Had it turned her on?

God, how could she sink that low! Her best friend!

Reaching up, Sherri yanked the deer skin loose. She flung it aside. “That’s better, ” she muttered.

Neala peered through a crack. She could see exactly where she’d been with Johnny. She looked up, saw the Krulls still wandering beyond the stakes, and lowered her eyes again to the spot where she’d made love to Johnny.

“Why’d you do it? ” she whispered.

“What does it matter? ”

“It matters to me. ”

“Look I said I’m sorry. ”

“I know. I don’t want another apology. I want to know why. You’re my best friend, Sherri. How could you stand here and spy on me like that? ”

“We’re all going to die here. You know that, don’t you? ”

“No, I don’t. ”

“You think your johnny will wave a magic wand and–Presto! –we’re home again? ”

“Hardly. ”

“Those people out there–those things–they’re going to get us sooner or later. And it won’t make a damn bit of difference why I watched you, will it? ”

“It makes a difference to me now. ”

“Suit yourself, ” Sherri said.

“Tell me. ”

“Just let it go. ”

“I can’t. Not if we’re going to stay friends. ”

“Shit. ”

“Okay. If that’s all it means to you…”

“You have no idea what you mean to me. Not the slightest. ”

The words frightened Neala.

“I love you. ”

She looked at Sherri, stunned. “What do you mean? ”

“You know what I mean. And when I saw you, this morning, standing out there in the sunlight… I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop watching. ” She made a sour laugh. “You probably thought I was hankering after Johnny, huh? Surprise surprise. ”

“I can’t believe this. ”

“Believe it, Neala. ”

“But those guys you’re always talking about–Jack and Larry. Wesley…”

“I’m bi. ”

“I go either way. ”

“I know what it means. I just never…” She shook her head. She felt disgusted and afraid.

“I’d hoped you might be that way, too. I thought, you know, I’d find out on our camping trip. ”

“What were you going to do, seduce me? ”

“Only if you… You’ve got to believe, I never would have forced myself on you. I love you. I’d never do anything unless you were willing. ”

“Boy. ”

“I’m sorry. ”

“All these months…”

“Sorry, ” Sherri said. She stepped away from the wall. “This would be a great time for an exit, but I think I’ll pass on it. ”

Neala watched her move across the room, and lie down in a corner. She turned again to the wall. She peered out the crack.

I love you.

The words were like a heavy stone in her stomach. She felt betrayed. As if her friendship with Sherri had been a nasty trick. Not a friendship, at all, but a game Sherri had played to stay close to her. To sneak intimate moments: a glimpse of her body, a casual touch, sometimes a quick, happy hug.

Her face felt on fire as she remembered their weekend in San Diego, last month. After a day at SeaWorld, the motel room. Calling to Sherri from the shower because she’d forgotten her shampoo. Sherri’s little joke. “If I was a guy, I’d climb in and lend a hand. ” Not such a joke, after all. A suggestion.

God, she must’ve prayed I’d ask her to come in, anyway.

It must’ve been torture for Sherri.

The whole weekend. Being so close to her, but never close enough.

She remembered other scenes from that weekend, now. The times they changed clothes in the same room. The night Sherri had given herself a breast examination, probing and massaging herself as she chatted with Neala, urging her to do the same.

If she’d offered to perform the examination herself, Neala would’ve been suspicious. Sherri’d been too smart for that. She played the game well.

She hadn’t been subtle, but she’d misdirected Neala like a skillful magician.

“Get a load of this number, ” she’d said, pulling a sheer, black negligee from her suitcase. “Wesley picked it up at Frederick’s. Horniest son of a bitch I’ve ever met. ” She dropped her bathrobe onto the bed, and slipped into the negligee. “Cute, huh? ”

“What there is of it. ”

“Well, it’s the only nightgown I’ve got, kiddo I just brought it in deference to your modesty. I usually sleep in the raw. ”

“Don’t let me stop you. ”

Sherri did a lot in the raw, that weekend. Neala just assumed she liked the free, natural feel of it. Now it didn’t seem that way at all. Sherri’d been displaying herself, trying to entice her.

Well, she hadn’t been enticed.

Sherri had a fine body, big and firm and nearly flawless. But it had one flaw, for Neala.

It was the body of a woman, not a man.

She just couldn’t get worked up about it, and that must have been terrible for Sherri. The weekend must have been a torment. All the time they spent together, for nearly a year, was obviously filled with pain and frustrated desire and hope. Constant, unfulfilled hope that Neala would finally respond.

God, the misery Sherri had put herself through!

Neala looked across the dark room. She saw Sherri in the corner, lying on her back, an arm over her face.

She went to her.

She sat down beside her.

“My turn on watch? ” Sherri asked.

“No. ”

“What’re they doing out there? ”

“Just waiting. ”

“Gonna starve us out. ”

“Hey Sherri. ”

“Huh? ”

“I’m sorry. ”

“You? What for? ”

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t be what you need. ”

“Yeah. Me too. ”

Neala reached down, and took her friend’s hand.