William Somerset Maugham 19 страница

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" Lucky it's a fine day for them, poor brutes. "

In bygone years she had been intolerably nervous before a first

night. She had felt slightly sick all day and as the hours passed got

into such a state that she almost thought she would have to leave

the stage. But by now, after having passed through the ordeal so

many times, she had acquired a certain nonchalance. Throughout

the early part of the day she felt only happy and mildly excited; it

was not till late in the afternoon that she began to feel ill at ease.

She grew silent and wanted to be left alone. She also grew irritable,

and Michael, having learnt from experience, took care to keep out of

her way. Her hands and feet got cold and by the time she reached

the theatre they were like lumps of ice. But still the apprehension

that filled her was not unpleasant.

Julia had nothing to do that morning but go down to the Siddons

for a word-rehearsal at noon, so she lay in bed till late. Michael did

not come back to luncheon, having last things to do to the sets, and

she ate alone. Then she went to bed and for an hour slept soundly.

Her intention was to rest all the afternoon; Miss Phillips was coming

at six to give her a light massage, and by seven she wanted to be at

the theatre. But when she awoke she felt so much refreshed that it

irked her to stay in bed, so she made up her mind to get up and go

for a walk. It was a fine, sunny day. Liking the town better than the

country and streets more than trees, she did not go into the Park,

but sauntered round the neighbouring squares, deserted at that ti-

me of year, idly looking at the houses, and thought how much she

preferred her own to any of them. She felt at ease and light-hearted.

Then she thought it time to go home. She had just reached the cor-

ner of Stanhope Place when she heard her name called in a voice

that she could not but recognize. " Julia. "

She turned round and Tom, his face all smiles, caught her up. She

had not seen him since her return from France. He was very smart

in a neat grey suit and a brown hat. He was tanned by the sun.

" I thought you were away. "

" I came back on Monday. I didn't ring up because I knew you were

busy with the final rehearsals. I'm coming tonight; Michael gave me

a stall. "

" Oh, I'm glad. "

It was plain that he was delighted to see her. His face was eager

and his eyes shone. She was pleased to discover that the sight of

him excited no emotion in her. She wondered as they went on tal-

king what there was in him that had ever so deeply affected her.

" What on earth are you wandering about like this for? "

" I've been for a stroll. I was just going in to tea. "

" Come and have tea with me. "

His flat was just round the corner. Indeed he had caught sight of

her just as he was going down the mews to get to it.

" How is it you're back so early? "

" Oh, there's nothing much on at the office just now. You know,

one of our partners died a couple of months ago, and I'm getting a

bigger share. It means I shall be able to keep on the flat after all.

Michael was jolly decent about it, he said I could stay on rent free till

things got better. I hated the idea of turning out. Do come. I'd love

to make you a cup of tea. "

He rattled on so vivaciously that Julia was amused. You would ne-

ver have thought to listen to him that there had ever been anything

between them. He seemed perfectly unembarrassed.

" All right. But I can only stay a minute. "

" O. K. "

They turned into the mews and she preceded him up the narrow

staircase.

" You toddle along to the sitting-room and I'll put the water on to

boil. "

She went in and sat down. She looked round the room that had

been the scene of so many emotions for her. Nothing was changed.

Her photograph stood in its old place, but on the chimney piece was

a large photograph also of Avice Crichton. On it was written for Tom

from Avice. Julia took everything in. The room might have been a set

in which she had once acted; it was vaguely familiar, but no longer

meant anything to her. The love that had consumed her then, the je-

alousy she had stifled, the ecstasy of surrender, it had no more re-

ality than one of the innumerable parts she had played in the past.

She relished her indifference. Tom came in, with the tea-cloth she

had given him, and neatly set out the tea-service which she had also

given him. She did not know why the thought of his casually using

still all her little presents made her inclined to laugh. Then he came

in with the tea and they drank it sitting side by side on the sofa. He

told her more about his improved circumstances. In his pleasant, fri-

endly way he acknowledged that it was owing to the work that thro-

ugh her he had been able to bring the firm that he had secured a

larger share in the profits. He told her of the holiday from which he

had just returned. It was quite clear to Julia that he had no inkling

how much he had made her suffer. That too made her now inclined

to laugh.

" I hear you're going to have an enormous success tonight. "

" It would be nice, wouldn't it? "

" Avice says that both you and Michael have been awfully good to

her. Take care she doesn't romp away with the play. "

He said it chaffingly, but Julia wondered whether Avice had told

him that this was what she expected to do.

" Are you engaged to her? "

" No. She wants her freedom. She says an engagement would in-

terfere with her career. "

" With her what? " The words slipped out of Julia's mouth before

she could stop them, but she immediately recovered herself. " Yes, I

see what she means of course. "

" Naturally, I don't want to stand in her way. I mean, supposing af-

ter tonight she got a big offer for America I can quite see that she

ought to be perfectly free to accept. "

Her career! Julia smiled quietly to herself.

" You know, I do think you're a brick, the way you've behaved to

her. "

" Why? "

" Oh well, you know what women are! "

As he said this he slipped his arm round her waist and kissed her.

She laughed outright.

" What an absurd little thing you are. " *

" How about a bit of love? "

" Don't be so silly. "

" What is there silly about it? Don't you think we've been divorced

long enough? "

" I'm all for irrevocable divorce. And what about Avice? "

" Oh, she's different. Come on. "

" Has it slipped your memory that I've got a first night tonight? "

" There's plenty of time. "

He put both arms round her and kissed her softly. She looked at

him with mocking eyes. Suddenly she made up her mind.

" All right. "

They got up and went into the bedroom. She took off her hat and

slipped out of her dress. He held her in his arms as he had held her

so often before. He kissed her closed eyes and the little breasts of

which she was so proud. She gave him her body to do what he wan-

ted with but her spirit held aloof. She returned his kisses out of ami-

ability, but she caught herself thinking of the part she was going to

play that night. She seemed to be two persons, the mistress in her

lover's embrace, and the actress who already saw in her mind's eye

the vast vague dark audience and heard the shouts of applause as

she stepped on to the stage. When, a little later, they lay side by si-

de, he with his arm round her neck, she forgot about him so comple-

tely that she was quite surprised when he broke a long silence.

" Don't you care for me any more? "

She gave him a little hug.

" Of course, darling. I dote on you. "

" You're so strange today. "

She realized that he was disappointed. Poor little thing, she didn't

want to hurt his feelings. He was very sweet really.

" With the first night before me I'm not really myself today. You

mustn't mind. "

When she came to the conclusion, quite definitely now, that she

no longer cared two straws for him she could not help feeling a gre-

at pity for him. She stroked his cheek gently.

" Sweetie pie. (I wonder if Michael remembered to have tea sent

along to the queues. It doesn't cost much and they do appreciate it

so enormously. ) You know, I really must get up. Miss Phillips is co-

ming at six. Evie will be in a state, she won't be able to think what's

happened to me. "

She chattered brightly while she dressed. She was conscious, alt-

hough she did not look at him, that Tom was vaguely uneasy. She

put her hat on, then she took his face in both her hands and gave

him a friendly kiss.

" Good-bye, my lamb. Have a good time tonight. "

" Best of luck. "

He smiled with some awkwardness. She perceived that he did not

quite know what to make of her. Julia slipped out of the flat, and if

she had not been England's leading actress, and a woman of hard

on fifty, she would have hopped on one leg all the way down Stan-

hope Place till she got to her house. She was as pleased as punch.

She let herself in with her latchkey* and closed the front door be-

hind her.

" I dare say there's something in what Roger said. Love isn't worth

all the fuss they make about it. "

FOUR hours later it was all over. The play went well from the be-

ginning; the audience, notwithstanding the season, a fashionable

one, were pleased after the holidays to find themselves once more

in a playhouse, and were ready to be amused. It was an auspicious

beginning for the theatrical season. There had been great applause

after each act and at the end a dozen curtain calls; Julia took two by

herself, and even she was startled by the warmth of her reception.

She had made the little halting speech, prepared beforehand, which

the occasion demanded. There had been a final call of the entire

company and then the orchestra had struck up the National Anthem.

Julia, pleased, excited and happy, went to her dressing-room. She

had never felt more sure of herself. She had never acted with gre-

ater brilliance, variety and resource. The play ended with a long tira-

de in which Julia, as the retired harlot, castigated the flippancy, the

uselessness, the immorality of the idle set into which her marriage

had brought her. It was two pages long, and there was not another

actress in England who could have held the attention of the audien-

ce while she delivered it. With her exquisite timing, with the modula-

tion of her beautiful voice, with her command of the gamut of emoti-

ons, she had succeeded by a miracle of technique in making it a

thrilling, almost spectacular climax to the play. A violent action co-

uld not have been more exciting nor an unexpected denouement*

more surprising. The whole cast had been excellent with the excep-

tion of Avice Crichton. Julia hummed in an undertone as she went in-

to her dressing-room.

Michael followed her in almost at once.

" It looks like a winner all right. " He threw his arms round her and

kissed her. " By God, what a performance you gave. "

" You weren't so bad yourself, dear. "

" That's the sort of part I can play on my head, " he answered care-

lessly, modest as usual about his own acting. " Did you hear them

during your long speech? That ought to knock the critics. "

" Oh, you know what they are. They'll give all their attention to the

blasted play and then three lines at the end to me. "

" You're the greatest actress in the world, darling, but by God,

you're a bitch. "

Julia opened her eyes very wide in an expression of the most na-

ive surprise.

" Michael, what do you mean? "

" Don't look so innocent. You know perfectly well. Do you think you

can cod an old trooper like me? "

He was looking at her with twinkling eyes, and it was very difficult

for her not to burst out laughing.

" I am as innocent as a babe unborn. "

" Come off it. If anyone ever deliberately killed a performance you

killed Avice's. I couldn't be angry with you, it was so beautifully do-

ne. "

Now Julia simply could not conceal the little smile that curled her

lips. Praise is always grateful to the artist. Avice's one big scene was

in the second act. It was with Julia, and Michael had rehearsed it so

as to give it all to the girl. This was indeed what the play demanded

and Julia, as always, had in rehearsals accepted his direction. To

bring out the colour of her blue eyes and to emphasize her fair hair

they had dressed Avice in pale blue. To contrast with this Julia had

chosen a dress of an agreeable yellow. This she had worn at the

dress rehearsal. But she had ordered another dress at the same ti-

me, of sparkling silver, and to the surprise of Michael and the cons-

ternation of Avice it was in this that she made her entrance in the

second act. Its brilliance, the way it took the light, attracted the at-

tention of the audience. Avice's blue looked drab by comparison.

When they reached the important scene they were to have together

Julia produced, as a conjurer produces a rabbit from his hat, a large

handkerchief of scarlet chiffon and with this she played. She waved

it, she spread it out as though to look at it, she screwed it up, she

wiped her brow with it, she delicately blew her nose. The audience

fascinated could not take their eyes away from the red rag. And she

moved up stage so that Avice to speak to her had to turn her back

on the audience, and when they were sitting on a sofa together she

took her hand, in an impulsive way that seemed to the public exqu-

isitely natural, and sitting well back herself forced Avice to turn her

profile to the house. Julia had noticed early in rehearsals that in pro-

file Avice had a sheep-like look. The author had given Avice lines to

say that had so much amused the cast at the first rehearsal that

they had all burst out laughing. Before the audience had quite reali-

zed how funny they were Julia had cut in with her reply, and the

audience anxious to hear it suppressed their laughter. The scene

which was devised to be extremely amusing took on a sardonic colo-

ur, and the character Avice played acquired a certain odiousness.

Avice in her inexperience, not getting the laughs she had expected,

was rattled; her voice grew hard and her gestures awkward. Julia to-

ok the scene away from her and played it with miraculous virtuosity.

But her final stroke was accidental. Avice had a long speech to deli-

ver, and Julia nervously screwed her red handkerchief into a ball;

the action almost automatically suggested an expression; she lo-

oked at Avice with troubled eyes and two heavy tears rolled down

her cheeks. You felt the shame with which the girl's flippancy affec-

ted her, and you saw her pain because her poor little ideals of up-

rightness, her hankering for goodness, were so brutally mocked. The

episode lasted no more than a minute, but in that minute, by those

tears and by the anguish of her look, Julia laid bare the sordid mi-

sery of the woman's life. That was the end of Avice.

" And I was such a damned fool, I thought of giving her a cont-

ract, " said Michael.

" Why don't you? "

" When you've got your knife into her? Not on your life. You're a

naughty little thing to be so jealous. You don't really think she me-

ans anything to me, do you? You ought to know by now that you're

the only woman in the world for me. "

Michael thought that Julia had played this trick on account of the

rather violent flirtation he had been having with Avice, and though,

of course, it was hard luck on Avice he could not help being a trifle

flattered.

" You old donkey, " smiled Julia, knowing exactly what he was thin-

king and tickled to death at his mistake. " After all, you are the hand-

somest man in London. "

" All that's as it may be. But I don't know what the author'll say.

He's a conceited little ape and it's not a bit the scene he wrote. "

" Oh, leave him to me. I'll fix him. "

There was a knock at the door and it was the author himself who

came in. With a cry of delight, Julia went up to him, threw her arms

round his neck and kissed him on both cheeks.

" Are you pleased? "

" It looks like a success, " he answered, but a trifle coldly.

" My dear, it'll run for a year. " She placed her hands on his shoul-

ders and looked him full in the face. " But you're a wicked, wicked

man. "

" I? "

" You almost ruined my performance. When I came to that bit in

the second act and suddenly saw what it meant I nearly broke down.

You knew what was in that scene, you're the author; why did you let

us rehearse it all the time as if there was no more in it than appe-

ared on the surface? We're only actors, how can you expect us to -

to fathom your subtlety? It's the best scene in your play and I almost

bungled it. No one in the world could have written it but you. Your

play's brilliant, but in that scene there's more than brilliance, there's

genius. "

The author flushed. Julia looked at him with veneration. He felt

shy and happy and proud.

(" In twenty-four hours the mug'll think he really meant the scene

to go like that. " )

Michael beamed.

" Come along to my dressing-room and have a whisky and soda.

I'm sure you need a drink after all that emotion. "

They went out as Tom came in. Tom's face was red with excite-

ment.

" My dear, it was grand. You were simply wonderful. Gosh, what a

performance. "

" Did you like it? Avice was good, wasn't she? "

" No, rotten. "

" My dear, what do you mean? I thought she was charming. "

" You simply wiped the floor with her. She didn't even look pretty

in the second act. "

Avice's career!

" I say, what are you doing afterwards? "

" Dolly's giving a party for us. "

" Can't you cut it and come along to supper with me? I'm madly in

love with you. "

" Oh, what nonsense. How can I let Dolly down? "

" Oh, do. "

His eyes were eager. She could see that he desired her as he had

never done before, and she rejoiced in her triumph. But she shook

her head firmly. There was a sound in the corridor of a crowd of pe-

ople talking, and they both knew that a troop of friends were forcing

their way down the narrow passage to congratulate her.

" Damn all these people. God, how I want to kiss you. I'll ring you

up in the morning. "

The door burst open and Dolly, fat, perspiring and bubbling over

with enthusiasm, swept in at the head of a throng that packed the

dressing-room to suffocation. Julia submitted to being kissed by all

and sundry. Among others were three or four well-known actresses,

and they were prodigal of their praise. Julia gave a beautiful perfor-

mance of unaffected modesty. The corridor was packed now with

people who wanted to get at least a glimpse of her. Dolly had to

fight her way out.

" Try not to be too late, " she said to Julia. " It's going to be a he-

avenly party. "

" I'll come as soon as ever I can. "

At last the crowd was got rid of and Julia, having undressed, be-

gan to take off her make-up. Michael came in, wearing a dressing-

gown.

" I say, Julia, you'll have to go to Dolly's party by yourself. I've got

to see the libraries and I can't manage it. I'm going to sting them. "

" Oh, all right. "

" They're waiting for me now. See you in the morning. "

He went out and she was left alone with Evie. The dress she had

arranged to wear for Dolly's party was placed over a chair. Julia

smeared her face with cleansing cream.

" Evie, Mr. Fennel will be ringing up tomorrow. Will you say I'm

out? "

Evie looked in the mirror and caught Julia's eyes.

" And if he rings up again? "

" I don't want to hurt his feelings, poor lamb, but I have a notion I

shall be very much engaged for some time now. "

Evie sniffed loudly, and with that rather disgusting habit of hers

drew her forefinger across the bottom of her nose.

" I understand, " she said dryly.

" I always said you weren't such a fool as you looked. " Julia went

on with her face. " What's that dress doing on that chair? "

" That? That's the dress you said you'd wear for the party. "

" Put it away. I can't go to the party without Mr. Gosselyn. "

" Since when? "

" Shut up, you old hag. Phone through and say that I've got a bad

headache and had to go home to bed, but Mr. Gosselyn will come if

he possibly can. "

" The party's being given special for you. You can't let the poor old

gal down like that? "

Julia stamped her feet.

" I don't want to go to a party. I won't go to a party. "

" There's nothing for you to eat at home. "

" I don't want to go home. I'll go and have supper at a restaurant. "

" Who with? "

" By myself. "

Evie gave her a puzzled glance.

" The play's a success, isn't it? "

" Yes. Everything's a success. I feel on the top of the world. I feel

like a million dollars. I want to be alone and enjoy myself. Ring up

the Berkeley and tell them to keep a table for one in the little room.

They'll know what I mean. "

" What's the matter with you? "

" I shall never in all my life have another moment like this. I'm not

going to share it with anyone. "

When Julia had got her face clean she left it. She neither painted

her lips nor rouged her cheeks. She put on again the brown coat and

skirt in which she had come to the theatre and the same hat. It was

a felt hat with a brim, and this she pulled down over one eye so that

it should hide as much of her face as possible. When she was ready

she looked at herself in the glass.

" I look like a working dressmaker whose husband's left her, and

who can blame him? I don't believe a soul would recognize me. "

Evie had had the telephoning done from the stage-door, and

when she came back Julia asked her if there were many people wa-

iting for her there.

" About three 'undred I should say. "

" Damn. " She had a sudden desire to see nobody and be seen by

nobody. She wanted just for one hour to be obscure. " Tell the fire-

man to let me out at the front and I'll take a taxi, and then as soon

as I've got out let the crowd know there's no use in their waiting. "

" God only knows what I 'ave to put up with, " said Evie darkly.

" You old cow. "

Julia took Evie's face in her hands and kissed her raddled cheeks;

then slipped out of her dressing-room, on to the stage and through

the iron door into the darkened auditorium.

Julia's simple disguise was evidently adequate, for when she ca-

me into the little room at the Berkeley of which she was peculiarly

fond, the head waiter did not immediately know her.

" Have you got a corner that you can squeeze me into? " she asked

diffidently.

Her voice and a second glance told him who she was.

" Your favourite table is waiting for you, Miss Lambert. The messa-

ge said you would be alone? " Julia nodded and he led her to a table

in the corner of the room. " I hear you've had a big success tonight,

Miss Lambert. " How quickly good news travelled. " What can I or-

der? "

The head waiter was surprised that Julia should be having supper

by herself, but the only emotion that it was his business to show cli-

ents was gratification at seeing them.

" I'm very tired, Angelo. "

" A little caviare to begin with, madame, or some oysters? "

" Oysters, Angelo, but fat ones. " " I will choose them myself, Miss

Lambert, and to follow? "

Julia gave a long sigh, for now she could, with a free conscience,