William Somerset Maugham 8 страница

" Oh well, he's clean anyway. "

With a little shrug of her shoulders Julia slipped her hand to the

door and drew back the bolt. It would be stupid in the circumstances

to be prudish. He came in, went into the lavatory and in a moment

came out, brandishing a toothbrush. She had noticed it when she

brushed her own teeth, but thought it belonged to the person who

had the compartment next door. At that period adjoining compart-

ments shared a lavatory. The Spaniard seemed to catch sight of the

bottle.

" I'm so thirsty, do you mind if I have a glass of champagne? "

Julia was silent for a fraction of a second. It was his champagne

and his compartment. Oh, well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

" Of course not. "

He poured himself out a glass, lit a cigarette and sat down on the

edge of her bed. She moved a little to give him more room. He ac-

cepted the situation as perfectly natural.

" You couldn't possibly have slept in that carriage, " he said. " The-

re's a man there who's a heavy breather. I'd almost rather he sno-

red. If he snored one could wake him. "

" I'm so sorry. "

" Oh, it doesn't matter. If the worst comes to the worst I'll curl up

in the corridor outside your door. "

" He can hardly expect me to ask him to come and sleep in here, "

Julia said to herself. " I'm beginning to think this was all a put-up job.

Nothing doing, my lad. " And then aloud. " Romantic, of course, but

uncomfortable. "

" You're a terribly attractive woman. "

She was just as glad that her nightdress was pretty and that she

had put no cream on her face. She had in point of fact not troubled

to take off her make-up. Her lips were brightly scarlet, and with the

reading light behind her she well knew that she did not look her

worst. But she answered ironically.

" If you think that because you've given up your compartment to

me I'm going to let you sleep with me, you're mistaken. "

" Just as you say, of course. But why not? "

" I'm not that sort of terribly attractive woman. "

" What sort of woman are you then? "

" A faithful wife and a devoted mother. "

He gave a little sigh.

" Very well. Then I'll say good night to you. "

He crushed the stub of his cigarette on the ashtray and took her

hand and kissed it. He slowly ran his lips up her arm. It gave Julia a

funny little sensation. The beard slightly tickled her skin. Then he le-

ant over and kissed her lips. His beard had a somewhat musty smell,

which she found peculiar; she was not sure if it revolted or thrilled

her. It was odd when she came to think of it, she had never been

kissed by a man with a beard before. It seemed strangely indecent.

He snapped out the light.

He did not leave her till a chink of light through the drawn blind

warned them that day had broken. Julia was shattered morally and

physically.

" I shall look a perfect wreck when we get to Cannes. "

And what a risk to take! He might have murdered her or stolen

her pearl necklace. She went hot and cold all over as she pictured to

herself the danger she had incurred. He was going to Cannes too.

Supposing he claimed acquaintance with her there, how on earth

was she going to explain him to her friends? She felt sure Dolly wo-

uldn't like him. He might try to blackmail her. And what should she

do if he wanted to repeat the experience? He was passionate, there

was no doubt about that, he had asked her where she was staying,

and though she had not told him, he could certainly find out if he tri-

ed; in a place like Cannes, it would be almost impossible not to run

across him. He might pester her. If he loved her as much as he said

it was inconceivable that he should let her alone, and foreigners we-

re so unreliable, he might make frightful scenes. The only comfort

was that he was only staying over Easter, she would pretend she

was tired and tell Dolly that she preferred to stay quietly at the villa.

" How could I have been such a fool? " she cried angrily.

Dolly would be there to meet her at the station, and if he was

tactless enough to come up and say good-bye to her she would tell

Dolly that he had given up his compartment to her. There was no

harm in that. It was always best to tell as much of the truth as you

could. But there was quite a crowd of passengers getting out at Can-

nes, and Julia got out of the station and into Dolly's car without catc-

hing a glimpse of him.

" I've arranged nothing for today, " said Dolly. " I thought you'd be

tired and I wanted to have you all to myself just for twenty-four ho-

urs. "

Julia gave her arm an affectionate squeeze.

" That'll be too wonderful. We'll just sit about the villa and grease

our faces and have a good old gossip. "

But next day Dolly had arranged that they should go out to lunc-

heon, and they were to meet their hosts at one of the bars on the

Croisette to have cocktails. It was a beautiful day, clear, warm and

sunny. When they got out of the car Dolly stopped to give the chauf-

feur instructions about fetching them and Julia waited for her. Sud-

denly her heart gave agreat jump, for there was the Spaniard wal-

king towards her, with a woman on one side of him clinging to his

arm and on the other a little girl whose hand he held. She had not ti-

me to turn away. At that moment Dolly joined her to walk across the

pavement. The Spaniard came, gave her a glance in which there

was no sign of recognition, he was in animated conversation with

the woman on his arm, and walked on. In a flash Julia understood

that he was just as little anxious to see her as she was to see him.

The woman and the child were obviously his wife and daughter

whom he had come down to Cannes to spend Easter with. What a

relief! Now she could enjoy herself without fear. But as she accom-

panied Dolly to the bar, Julia thought how disgusting men were. You

simply couldn't trust them for a minute. It was really disgraceful that

a man with a charming wife and such a sweet little girl should be

willing to pick up a woman in the train. You would think they'd have

some sense of decency.

But as time passed Julia's indignation was mitigated, and she had

often thought of the adventure since with a good deal of pleasure.

After all it had been fun. Sometimes she allowed her reveries to run

away with her and she went over in her fancy the incidents of that

singular night. He had been a most agreeable lover. It would be so-

mething to look back on when she was an old woman. It was the be-

ard that had made such an impression on her, the odd feeling of it

on her face and that slightly musty* smell which was repulsive and

yet strangely exciting. For years she looked out for men with beards,

and she had a feeling that if one of them made proposals to her she

simply wouldn't be able to resist him. But few men wore beards any

more, luckily for her because the sight made her go a little weak at

the knees, and none of those that did ever made any advance to

her. She would have liked to know who the Spaniard was. She saw

him a day or two later playing chemin de fer* at the Casino and as-

ked two or three people if they knew him. Nobody did, and he rema-

ined in her recollection, and in her bones, without a name. It was an

odd coincidence that she didn't know the name either of the young

man who had that afternoon behaved in so unexpected a manner. It

struck her as rather comic.

" If I only knew beforehand that they were going to take liberties

with me I'd at least ask for their cards. "

With this thought she fell happily asleep.

SOME days passed, and one morning, while Julia was lying in bed

reading a play, they rang through from the basement to ask if she

would speak to Mr. Fennell. The name meant nothing to her and she

was about to refuse when it occurred to her that it might be the yo-

ung man of her adventure. Her curiosity induced her to tell them to

connect him. She recognized his voice.

" You promised to ring me up, " he said. " I got tired of waiting, so

I've rung you up instead. "

" I've been terribly busy the last few days. "

" When am I going to see you? "

" As soon as I have a moment to spare. "

" What about this afternoon? "

" I've got a matinee today. "

" Come to tea after the matinee. "

She smiled. (" No, young feller-me-lad, you don't catch me a se-

cond time like that. " )

" I can't possibly, " she answered. " I always stay in my dressing-ro-

om and rest till the evening performance. "

" Can't I come and see you while you're resting? "

She hesitated for an instant. Perhaps the best thing would be to

get him come; with Evie popping in and out and Miss Phillips due at

seven, there would be no chance of any nonsense, and it would be a

good opportunity to tell him, amiably, because he was really a sweet

little thing, but firmly, that the incident of the other afternoon was to

have no sequel. With a few well-chosen words she would explain to

him that it was quite unreasonable and that he must oblige her by

erasing the episode from his memory.

" All right. Come at half-past five and I'll give you a cup of tea. "

There was no part of her busy life that she enjoyed more than

those three hours that she spent in her dressing-room between the

afternoon and the evening performances. The other members of the

cast had gone away; and Evie was there to attend to her wants and

the doorkeeper to guard her privacy. Her dressing-room was like the

cabin of a ship. The world seemed a long way off, and she relished

her seclusion. She felt an enchanting freedom. She dozed a little,

she read a little, or lying on the comfortable sofa she let her tho-

ughts wander. She reflected on the part she was playing and the fa-

vourite parts she had played in the past. She thought of Roger her

son. Pleasant reveries sauntered through her mind like lovers wan-

dering in a green wood. She was fond of French poetry, and someti-

mes she repeated to herself verses of Verlaine.

Punctually at half-past five Evie brought her in a card.

" Mr. Thomas Fennell", she read.

" Send him in and bring some tea. "

She had decided how she was going to treat him. She would be

amiable, but distant. She would take a friendly interest in his work

and ask him about his examination. Then she would talk to him abo-

ut Roger.

Roger was seventeen now and in a year would be going to Camb-

ridge. She would insinuate the fact that she was old enough to be

his mother. She would act as if there had never been anything bet-

ween them and he would go away, never to see her again except

across the footlights, half convinced that the whole thing had been a

figment of his fancy. But when she saw him, so slight, with his hectic

flush and his blue eyes, so charmingly boyish, she felt a sudden

pang. Evie closed the door behind him. She was lying on the sofa

and she stretched out her arm to give him her hand, the gracious

smile of Madame Recamier on her lips, but he flung himself on his

knees and passionately kissed her mouth. She could not help her-

self, she put her arms round his neck, and kissed him as passiona-

tely.

(" Oh, my good resolutions. My God, I can't have fallen in love with

him. " )

" For goodness' sake, sit down. Evie's coming in with the tea. "

" Tell her not to disturb us. "

" What do you mean? " But what he meant was obvious. Her heart

began to beat quickly. " It's ridiculous. I can't. Michael might come

in. "

" I want you. "

" What d'you suppose Evie would think? It'd be idiotic to take such

a risk. No, no, no. "

There was a knock at the door and Evie came in with the tea. Julia

gave her instructions to put the table by the side of her sofa and a

chair for the young man on the other side of the table. She kept Evie

with unnecessary conversation. She felt him looking at her. His eyes

moved quickly, following her gestures and the expression of her fa-

ce; she avoided them, but she felt their anxiety and the eagerness

of his desire. She was troubled. It seemed to her that her voice did

not sound quite natural.

(" What the devil's the matter with me? God, I can hardly breat-

he. " )

When Evie reached the door the boy made a gesture that was so

instinctive that her sensitiveness rather than her sight caught it. She

could not but look at him. His face had gone quite pale.

" Oh, Evie, " she said. " This gentleman wants to talk to me about a

play. See that no one disturbs me. I'll ring when I want you. "

" Very good, miss. "

Evie went out and closed the door.

(" I'm a fool. I'm a bloody fool. " )

But he had moved the table, and he was on his knees, and she

was in his arms.

She sent him away a little before Miss Phillips was due, and when

he was gone rang for Evie.

" Play any good? " asked Evie.

" What play? "

" The play 'e was talkin' to you abaht. "

" He's clever. Of course he's young. "

Evie was looking down at the dressing-table. Julia liked everything

always to be in the same place, and if a pot of grease or her eyeb-

lack was not exactly where it should be made a scene.

" Where's your comb? "

He had used it to comb his hair and had carelessly placed it on

the tea-table. When Evie caught sight of it she stared at it for a mo-

ment reflectively.

" How on earth did it get there? " cried Julia lightly.

" I was just wondering. "

It gave Julia a nasty turn. Of course it was madness to do that sort

of thing in the dressing-room. Why, there wasn't even a key in the

lock. Evie kept it. All the same the risk had given it a spice. It was

fun to think that she could be so crazy. At all events they'd made a

date now. Tom, she'd asked him what they called him at home and

he said Thomas, she really couldn't call him that, Tom wanted to ta-

ke her to supper somewhere so that they could dance, and it happe-

ned that Michael was going up to Cambridge for a night to rehearse

a series of one-act plays written by undergraduates. They would be

able to spend hours together.

" You can get back with the milk, " * he'd said.

" And what about my performance next day? "

" We can't bother about that. "

She had refused to let him fetch her at the theatre, and when she

got to the restaurant they had chosen he was waiting for her in the

lobby. His face lit up as he saw her.

" It was getting so late, I was afraid you weren't coming. "

" I'm sorry, some tiresome people came round after the play and I

couldn't get rid of them. "

But it wasn't true. She had been as excited all the evening as a

girl going to her first ball. She could not help thinking how absurd

she was. But when she had taken off her theatrical make-up and

made up again for supper she could not satisfy herself. She put blue

on her eyelids and took it off again, she rouged her cheeks, rubbed

them clean and tried another colour.

" What are you trying to do? " said Evie.

" I'm trying to look twenty, you fool. "

" If you try much longer you'll look your age. "

She had never seen him in evening clothes before. He shone like

a new pin. Though he was of no more than average height his slim-

ness made him look tall. She was a trifle touched to see that for all

his airs of the man of the world he was shy with the head waiter

when it came to ordering supper. They danced and he did not dance

very well, but she found his slight awkwardness rather charming.

People recognized her, and she was conscious that he enjoyed the

reflected glory of their glances. A pair of young things who had been

dancing came up to their table to say how do you do to her. When

they had left he asked:

" Wasn't that Lord and Lady Dennorant? "

" Yes. I've known George since he was at Eton. "

He followed them with his eyes.

" She was Lady Cecily Laweston, wasn't she? "

" I've forgotten. Was she? "

It seemed a matter of no interest to her. A few minutes later anot-

her couple passed them.

" Look, there's Lady Lepard. "

" Who's she? "

" Don't you remember, they had a big party at their place in Ches-

hire a few weeks ago and the Prince of Wales was there. It was in

the Bystander! ''

Oh, that was how he got all his information. Poor sweet. He read

about grand people in the papers and now and then, at a restaurant

or a theatre, saw them in the flesh. Of course it was a thrill for him.

Romance. If he only knew how dull they were really! This innocent

passion for the persons whose photographs appear in the illustrated

papers made him seem incredibly naive, and she looked at him with

tender eyes.

" Have you ever taken an actress out to supper before? "

He blushed scarlet.

" Never. "

She hated to let him pay the bill, she had an inkling that it was

costing pretty well his week's salary, but she knew it would hurt his

pride if she offered to pay it herself. She asked casually what the ti-

me was and instinctively he looked at his wrist.

" I forgot to put on my watch. "

She gave him a searching look.

" Have you pawned it? "

He reddened again.

" No. I dressed in rather a hurry tonight. "

She only had to look at his tie to know that he had done no such

thing. He was lying to her. She knew that he had pawned his watch

in order to take her out to supper. A lump came into her throat. She

could have taken him in her arms then and there and kissed his blue

eyes. She adored him.

" Let's go, " she said.

They drove back to his bed-sitting room in Tavistock Square.

NEXT day Julia went to Cartier's and bought a watch to send to

Tom Fennell instead of the one he had pawned, and two or three

weeks later, discovering that it was his birthday, she sent him a gold

cigarette-case.

" D'you know, that's the one thing I've wanted all my life. "

She wondered if there were tears in his eyes. He kissed her passi-

onately.

Then, on one excuse and another, she sent him pearl studs and

sleeve-links and waistcoat buttons. It thrilled her to make him pre-

sents.

" It's so awful that I can't give you anything in return, " he said.

" Give me the watch you pawned to stand me a supper. "

It was a little gold watch that could not have cost more than ten

pounds, but it amused her to wear it now and then.

It was not till after that night when they had first supped together

that Julia confessed to herself that she had fallen in love with Tom. It

came to her as a shock. But she was exhilarated.

" I who thought I could never be in love again. Of course it can't

last. But why shouldn't I get what fun out of it I can? "

She decided that he must come again to Stanhope Place. It was

not long before an opportunity presented itself.

" You know that young accountant of yours, " she said to Michael.

" Tom Fennell's his name. I met him out at supper the other night

and I've asked him to dinner next Sunday. We want an extra man. "

" Oh, d'you think he'll fit in? "

It was rather a grand party. It was on that account she had asked

him. She thought it would please him to meet some of the people he

had known only from their pictures. She had realized already that he

was a bit of a snob. Well, that was all to the good; she could give

him all the smart people he wanted. For Julia was shrewd, and she

knew very well that Tom was not in love with her. To have an affair

with her flattered his vanity. He was a highly-sexed young man and

enjoyed sexual exercise. From hints, from stories that she had drag-

ged out of him, she discovered that since he was seventeen he had

had a great many women. He loved the act rather than the person.

He looked upon it as the greatest lark in the world. And she could

understand why he had so much success. There was something ap-

pealing in his slightness, his body was just skin and bone, that was

why his clothes sat on him so well, and something charming in his

clean freshness. His shyness and his effrontery combined to make

him irresistible. It was strangely flattering for a woman to be treated

as a little bit of fluff* that you just tumbled on to a bed.

" What he's got, of course, is sex appeal. "

She knew that his good looks were due to his youth. He would

grow wizened as he grew older, dried up and haggard; that char-

ming flush on his cheeks would turn into a purple glow and his deli-

cate skin would go lined and sallow; but the feeling that what she lo-

ved in him would endure so short a time increased her tenderness.

She felt a strange compassion for him. He had the high spirits of yo-

uth, and she lapped them up as a kitten laps up milk. But he was not

amusing. Though he laughed when Julia said a funny thing he never

said one himself. She did not mind. She found his dullness restful.

She never felt so light-hearted as in his company, and she could be

brilliant enough for two.

People kept on telling Julia that she was looking ten years youn-

ger and that she had never acted better. She knew it was true and

she knew the reason. But it behoved her to walk warily. She must

keep her head. Charles Tamerley always said that what an actress

needed was not intelligence, but sensibility, and he might be right;

perhaps she wasn't clever, but her feelings were alert and she trus-

ted them. They told her now that she must never tell Tom that she

loved him. She was careful to make it plain to him that she laid no

claims on him and that he was free to do whatever he liked. She to-

ok up the attitude that the whole thing was a bit of nonsense to

which neither of them must attach importance. But she left nothing

undone to bind him to her. He liked parties and she took him to par-

ties. She got Dolly and Charles Tamerley to ask him to luncheon. He

was fond of dancing and she got him cards for balls. For his sake she

would go to them herself for an hour, and she was conscious of the

satisfaction he got out of seeing how much fuss people made of her.

She knew that he was dazzled by the great, and she introduced him

to eminent persons. Fortunately Michael took a fancy to him. Micha-

el liked to talk, and Tom was a good listener. He was clever at his

business. One day Michael said to her:

" Smart fellow, Tom. He knows a lot about income-tax. I believe

he's shown me a way of saving two or three hundred pounds on my

next return. "

Michael, looking for new talent, often took him to the play in the

evenings, either in London or the suburbs; they would fetch Julia af-

ter the performance, and the three of them supped together. Now

and then Michael asked Tom to play golf with him on Sundays and

then if there was no party would bring him home to dinner.

" Nice to have a young fellow like that around, " he said. " It keeps

one from growing rusty. "

Tom was very pleasant about the house. He would play backgam-

mon* with Michael, or patience with Julia, and when they turned on

the gramophone he was always there to change the records.

" He'll be a nice friend for Roger, " said Michael. " Tom's got his he-

ad screwed on his shoulders the right way, and he's a lot older than

Roger. He ought to have a good influence on him. Why don't you ask

him to come and spend his holiday with us? "

(" Lucky I'm a good actress. " ) But it wanted an effort to keep the

joy out of her voice and to prevent her face from showing the exul-

tation that made her heart beat so violently. " That's not a bad idea, "

she answered. I'll ask him if you like. "

Their play was running through August, and Michael had taken a

house at Taplow so that they could spend the height of the summer