William Somerset Maugham 4 страница

berately to separate us. "

" Oh, dearie, you're doing me an injustice. In point of fact I don't

mind telling you that I said to him he could have anyone in the com-

pany he liked with the one exception of Michael Gosselyn. "

Julia did not see the look in Jimmie's eyes when he told her this,

but if she had would have wondered why he was looking as pleased

as if he had pulled off a very clever little trick.

" Even me? " she said.

" I knew he didn't want women. They've got plenty of their own.

It's men they want who know how to wear their clothes and don't

spit in the drawing-room. "

" Oh, Jimmie, don't let Michael go. I can't bear it. "

" How can I prevent it? His contract's up at the end of the season.

It's a wonderful chance for him. "

" But I love him. I want him. Supposing he sees someone else in

America. Supposing some American heiress falls in love with him. "

" If he doesn't love you any more than that I should have thought

you'd be well rid of him. "

The remark revived Julia's fury.

" You rotten old eunuch, what do you know about love? "

" These women, " Jimmie sighed. " If you try to go to bed with them

they say you're a dirty old man, and if you don't they say you're a

rotten old eunuch. "

" Oh, you don't understand. He's so frightfully handsome, they'll

fall for him like a row of ninepins, * and poor lamb, he's so susceptib-

le to flattery. Anything can happen in two years. "

" What's this about two years? "

" If he's a success he's to stay another year. "

" Well, don't worry your head about that. He'll be back at the end

of the season and back for good. That manager only saw him in Can-

dida. It's the only part he's half-way decent in. Take my word for it,

it won't be long before they find out they've been sold a pup. He's

going to be a flop. "

" What do you know about acting? "

" Everything. "

" I'd like to scratch your eyes out. "

" I warn you that if you attempt to touch me I shan't give you a lit-

tle bit of a slap, I shall give you such a biff on the jaw that you won't

be able to eat in comfort for a week. "

" By God, I believe you'd do it. Do you call yourself a gentleman? "

" Not even when I'm drunk. "

Julia giggled, and Jimmie felt the worst of the scene was over.

" Now you know just as well as I do that you can act him off his he-

ad. I tell you, you're going to be the greatest actress since Mrs. Ken-

dal. What do you want to go and hamper yourself with a man who'll

always be a millstone round your neck? You want to go into mana-

gement; he'll want to play opposite you. He'll never be good eno-

ugh, my dear. "

" He's got looks. I can carry him. "

" You've got a pretty good opinion of yourself, haven't you? But

you're wrong. If you want to make a success you can't afford to ha-

ve a leading man who's not up to the mark. "

" I don't care. I'd rather marry him and be a failure than be a suc-

cess and married to somebody else. "

" Are you a virgin? "

Julia giggled again.

" I don't know that it's any business of yours, but in point of fact I

am. "

" I thought you were. Well, unless it means something to you, why

don't you go over to Paris with him for a fortnight when we close?

He won't be sailing till August. It might get him out of your system. "

" Oh, he wouldn't. He's not that sort of man. You see, he's by way

of being a gentleman. "

" Even the upper classes propagate their species. "

" You don't understand, " said Julia haughtily.

" I bet you don't either. "

Julia did not condescend to reply. She was really very unhappy.

" I can't live without him, I tell you. What am I to do with myself

when he's away? "

" Stay on with me. I'll give you a contract for another year. I've got

a lot of new parts I want to give you and I've got a juvenile in my

eye who's a find. You'll be surprised how much easier you'll find it

when you've got a chap opposite you who'll really give you somet-

hing. You can have twelve pounds a week. "

Julia went up to him and stared into his eyes searchingly.

" Have you done all this to get me to stay on for another year? Ha-

ve you broken my heart and ruined my whole life just to keep me in

your rotten theatre? "

" I swear I haven't. I like you and I admire you. And we've done

better business the last two years than we've ever done before. But

damn it, I wouldn't play you a dirty trick like that. "

" You liar, you filthy liar. "

" I swear it's the truth. "

" Prove it then, " she said violently.

" How can I prove it? You know I'm decent really. "

" Give me fifteen pounds a week and I'll believe you. "

" Fifteen pounds a week? You know what our takings are. How can

I? Oh well, all right. But I shall have to pay three pounds out of my

own pocket. "

" A fat lot I care. "

AFTER a fortnight of rehearsals, Michael was thrown out of the

part for which he had been engaged, and for three or four weeks

was left to kick his heels about till something else could be found for

him. He opened in due course in a play that ran less than a month in

New York. It was sent on the road; but languished and was withd-

rawn. After another wait he was given a part in a costume play whe-

re his good looks shone to such advantage that his indifferent acting

was little noticed, and in this he finished the season. There was no

talk of renewing his contract. Indeed the manager who had engaged

him was caustic in his comments.

" Gee, I'd give something to get even with that fellow Langton, the

son of a bitch, " he said. " He knew what he was doing all right when

he landed me with that stick. "

Julia wrote to Michael constantly, pages and pages of love and

gossip, while he answered once a week, four pages exactly in a ne-

at, precise hand. He always ended up by sending her his best love

and signing himself hers very affectionately, but the rest of his letter

was more informative than passionate. Yet she awaited its coming

in an agony of impatience and read it over and over again. Though

he wrote cheerfully, saying little about the theatre except that the

parts they gave him were rotten and the plays in which he was ex-

pected to act beneath contempt, news travels in the theatrical

world, and Julia knew that he had not made good.

" I suppose it's beastly of me, " she thought, " but thank God, thank

God. "

When he announced the date of his sailing she could not contain

her joy. She got Jimmie so to arrange his programme that she might

go and meet him at Liverpool.

" If the boat comes in late I shall probably stay the night, " she told

Jimmie.

He smiled ironically.

" I suppose you think that in the excitement of homecoming you

may work the trick. "

" What a beastly little man you are. "

" Come off it, dear. My advice to you is, get him a bit tight and

then lock yourself in a room with him and tell him you won't let him

out till he's made a dishonest woman of you. "

But when she was starting he came to the station with her. As she

was getting into the carriage he took her hand and patted it.

" Feeling nervous, dear? "

" Oh, Jimmie dear, wild with happiness and sick with anxiety. "

" Well, good luck to you. And don't forget you're much too good

for him. You're young and pretty and you're the greatest actress in

England. "

When the train steamed out Jimmie went to the station bar and

had a whisky and soda. " Lord, what fools these mortals be, " he sig-

hed. But Julia stood up in the empty carriage and looked at herself in

the glass.

" Mouth too large, face too puddingy, nose too fleshy. Thank God,

I've got good eyes and good legs. Exquisite legs. I wonder if I've got

too much make-up on. He doesn't like make-up off the stage. I look

bloody without rouge. My eyelashes are all right. Damn it all, I don't

look so bad. "

Uncertain till the last moment whether Jimmie would allow her to

go, Julia had not been able to let Michael know that she was meeting

him. He was surprised and frankly delighted to see her. His beautiful

eyes beamed with pleasure.

" You're more lovely than ever, " she said.

" Oh, don't be so silly, " he laughed, squeezing her arm affectiona-

tely. " You haven't got to go back till after dinner, have you? "

" I haven't got to go back till tomorrow. I've taken a couple of ro-

oms at the Adelphi, so that we can have a real talk. "

" The Adelphi's a bit grand, isn't it? "

" Oh, well, you don't come back from America every day. Damn

the expense. "

" Extravagant little thing, aren't you? I didn't know when we'd

dock, so I told my people I'd wire when I was getting down to Chel-

tenham. I'll tell them I'll be coming along tomorrow. "

When they got to the hotel Michael came to Julia's room, at her

suggestion, so that they could talk in peace and quiet. She sat on

his knees, with her arm round his neck, her cheek against his.

" Oh, it's so good to be home again, " she sighed.

" You don't have to tell me that, " he said, not understanding that

she referred to his arms and not to his arrival.

" D'you still like me? "

" Rather. "

She kissed him fondly.

" Oh, you don't know how I've missed you. "

" I was an awful flop in America, " he said. " I didn't tell you in my

letters, because I thought it would only worry you. They thought me

rotten. "

" Michael, " she cried, as though she could not believe him.

" The fact is, I suppose, I'm too English. They don't want me anot-

her year. I didn't think they did, but just as a matter of form I asked

them if they were going to exercise their option and they said no,

not at any price. "

Julia was silent. She looked deeply concerned, but her heart was

beating with exultation.

" I honestly don't care, you know. I didn't like America. It's a smack

in the eye of course, it's no good denying that, but the only thing is

to grin and bear it. If you only knew the people one has to deal with!

Why, compared with some of them, Jimmie Langton's a great gentle-

man. Even if they had wanted me to stay I should have refused. "

Though he put a brave face on it, Julia felt that he was deeply

mortified. He must have had to put up with a good deal of unple-

asantness. She hated him to have been made unhappy, but, oh, she

was so relieved.

" What are you going to do now? " she asked quietly.

" Well, I shall go home for a bit and think things over. Then I shall

go to London and see if I can't get a part. "

She knew that it was no good suggesting that he should come

back to Middlepool. Jimmie Langton would not have him.

" You wouldn't like to come with me, I suppose? "

Julia could hardly believe her ears.

" Me? Darling, you know I'd go anywhere in the world with you. "

" Your contract's up at the end of this season, and if you want to

get anywhere you've got to make a stab at London soon. I saved

every bob* I could in America, they all called me a tight-wad but I

just let them talk, I've brought back between twelve and fifteen

hundred pounds. "

" Michael, how on earth can you have done that? "

" I didn't give much away, you know, " he smiled happily. " Of cour-

se it's not enough to start management on, but it's enough to get

married on, I mean we'd have something to fall back on if we didn't

get parts right away or happened to be out of a job for a few

months. "

It took Julia a second or two to understand what he meant.

" D'you mean to say, get married now? "

" Of course it's a risk, without anything in prospect, but one has to

take a risk sometimes. "

Julia took his head in both her hands and pressed his iips with

hers. Then she gave a sigh.

" Darling, you're wonderful and you're as beautiful as a Greek god,

but you're the biggest damned fool I've ever known in my life. "

They went to a theatre that night and at supper drank champag-

ne to celebrate their reunion and toast their future. When Michael

accompanied her to her room she held up her face to his.

" D'you want me to say good night to you in the passage? I'll just

come in for a minute. "

" Better not, darling, " she said with quiet dignity.

She felt like a high-born damsel, with all the traditions of a great

and ancient family to keep up; her purity was a pearl of great price;

she also felt that she was making a wonderfully good impression: of

course he was a great gentleman, and " damn it all" it behoved her

to be a great lady. She was so pleased with her performance that

when she had got into her room and somewhat noisily locked the

door, she paraded up and down bowing right and left graciously to

her obsequious retainers. She stretched out her lily white hand for

the trembling old steward to kiss (as a baby he had often dandled

her on his knee), and when he pressed it with his pallid lips she felt

something fall upon it. A tear.

THE first year of their marriage would have been stormy except

for Michael's placidity. It needed the excitement of getting a part or

a first night, the gaiety of a party where he had drunk several glas-

ses of champagne, to turn his practical mind to thoughts of love. No

flattery, no allurements, could tempt him when he had an engage-

ment next day for which he had to keep his brain clear or a round of

golf for which he needed a steady eye. Julia made him frantic sce-

nes. She was jealous of his friends at the Green Room Club, jealous

of the games that took him away from her, and jealous of the men's

luncheons he went to under the pretext that he must cultivate peop-

le who might be useful to them. It infuriated her that when she wor-

ked herself up into a passion of tears he should sit there quite

calmly, with his hands crossed and a good-humoured smile on his

handsome face, as though she were merely making herself ridiculo-

us.

" You don't think I'm running after any other woman, do you? " he

asked.

" How do I know? It's quite obvious that you don't care two straws*

for me. "

" You know you're the only woman in the world for me. "

" My God! "

" I don't know what you want. "

" I want love. I thought I'd married the handsomest man in Eng-

land and I've married a tailor's dummy. "

" Don't be so silly. I'm just the ordinary normal Englishman. I'm not

an Italian organ-grinder. " *

She swept up and down the room. They had a small flat at Buc-

kingham Gate and there was not much space, but she did her best.

She threw up her hands to heaven.

" I might be squint-eyed and hump-backed. I might be fifty. Am I

so unattractive as all that? It's so humiliating to have to beg for love.

Misery, misery. "

" That was a good movement, dear. As if you were throwing a cric-

ket ball. Remember that. "

She gave him a look of scorn.

" That's all you can think of. My heart is breaking, and you can talk

of a movement that I made quite accidentally. "

But he saw by the expression of her face that she was registering

it in her memory, and he knew that when the occasion arose she

would make effective use of it.

" After all love isn't everything. It's all very well at its proper time

and in its proper place. We had a lot of fun on our honeymoon,

that's what a honeymoon's for, but now we've got to get down to

work. "

They had been lucky. They had managed to get fairly good parts

together in a play that had proved a success. Julia had one good ac-

ting scene in which she had brought down the house, and Michael's

astonishing beauty had made a sensation. Michael with his gentle-

manly push, with his breezy good-nature, had got them both a lot of

publicity and their photographs appeared in the illustrated papers.

They were asked to a number of parties and Michael, notwithstan-

ding his thriftiness, did not hesitate to spend money on entertaining

people who might be of service. Julia was impressed by his lavish-

ness on these occasions. An actor-manager offered Julia the leading

part in his next play, and though there was no part for Michael and

she was anxious to refuse it, he would not let her. He said they co-

uld not afford to let sentiment stand in the way of business. He

eventually got a part in a costume play.

They were both acting when the war broke out. To Julia's pride

and anguish Michael enlisted at once, but with the help of his father,

one of whose old brother officers was an important personage at the

War Office, he very soon got a commission. When he went out to

France Julia bitterly regretted the reproaches she had so often he-

aped upon him, and made up her mind that if he were killed she wo-

uld commit suicide. She wanted to become a nurse so that she could

go out to France too and at least be on the same soil as he, but he

made her understand that patriotism demanded that she should go

on acting, and she could not resist what might very well be his dying

request. Michael thoroughly enjoyed the war. He was popular in the

regimental mess, and the officers of the old army accepted him al-

most at once, even though he was an actor, as one of themselves. It

was as though the family of soldiers from which he was born had set

a seal on him so that he fell instinctively into the manner and way of

thinking of the professional soldier. He had tact and a pleasant man-

ner, and he knew how to pull strings adroitly; it was inevitable that

he should get on the staff of some general. He showed himself pos-

sessed of considerable organizing capacity and the last three years

of the war he passed at G. H. Q. * He ended it as a major, with the Mi-

litary Cross and the Legion of Honour.

Meanwhile Julia had been playing a succession of important parts

and was recognized as the best of the younger actresses. Througho-

ut the war the theatre was very prosperous, and she profited by be-

ing seen in plays that had long runs. Salaries went up, and with Mic-

hael to advise her she was able to extort eighty pounds a week from

reluctant managers. Michael came over to England on his leaves

and Julia was divinely happy. Though he was in no more danger than

if he had been sheep-farming in New Zealand, she acted as though

the brief periods he spent with her were the last days the doomed

man would ever enjoy on earth. She treated him as though he had

just come from the horror of the trenches and was tender, conside-

rate, and unexacting.

It was just before the end of the war that she fell out of love with

him.

She was pregnant at the time. Michael had judged it imprudent to

have a baby just then, but she was nearly thirty and thought that if

they were going to have one at all they ought to delay no longer;

she was so well established on the stage that she could afford not to

appear for a few months, and with the possibility that Michael might

be killed at any moment - it was true he said he was as safe as a ho-

use, he only said that to reassure her, and even generals were killed

sometimes - if she was to go on living she must have a child by him.

The baby was expected at the end of the year. She looked forward

to Michael's next leave as she had never done before. She was fe-

eling very well, but she had a great yearning to feel his arms around

her, she felt a little lost, a little helpless, and she wanted his protec-

tive strength. He came, looking wonderfully handsome in his well-

cut uniform, with the red tabs and the crown on his shoulder-straps.

He had filled out a good deal as the result of the hardships of G. H. Q.

and his skin was tanned. With his close-cropped hair, breezy manner

and military carriage he looked every inch a soldier. He was in great

spirits, not only because he was home for a few days, but because

the end of the war was in sight. He meant to get out of the army as

quickly as possible. What was the good of having a bit of influence if

you didn't use it? So many young men had left the stage, either

from patriotism or because life was made intolerable for them by

the patriotic who stayed at home, and finally owing to conscription,

that leading parts had been in the hands either of people who were

inapt for military service or those who had been so badly wounded

that they had got their discharge. There was a wonderful opening,

and Michael saw that if he were available quickly he could get his

choice of parts. When he had recalled himself to the recollection of

the public they could look about for a theatre, and with the reputati-

on Julia had now acquired it would be safe to start in management.

They talked late into the night and then they went to bed. She

cuddled up to him voluptuously and he put his arms round her. After

three months of abstinence he was amorous.

" You're the most wonderful little wife, " he whispered.

He pressed his mouth to hers. She was filled on a sudden with a

faint disgust. She had to resist an inclination to push him away. Be-

fore, to her passionate nostrils his body, his young beautiful body,

had seemed to have a perfume of flowers and honey, and this had

been one of the things that had most enchained her to him, but now

in some strange way it had left him. She realized that he no longer

smelt like a youth, he smelt like a man. She felt a little sick. She co-

uld not respond to his ardour, she was eager that he should get his

desire satisfied quickly, turn over on his side, and go to sleep. For

long she lay awake. She was dismayed. Her heart sank because she

knew she had lost something that was infinitely precious to her, and

pitying herself she was inclined to cry; but at the same time she was

filled with a sense of triumph, it seemed a revenge that she enjoyed

for the un-happiness he had caused her; she was free of the bonda-

ge in which her senses had held her to him and she exulted. Now

she could deal with him on equal terms. She stretched her legs out

in bed and sighed with relief.

" By God, it's grand to be one's own mistress. "

They had breakfast in their room, Julia in bed and Michael seated

at a little table by her side. She looked at him while he read the pa-

per. Was it possible that three months had made so much difference

in him, or was it merely that for years she had still seen him with the

eyes that had seen him when he came on the stage to rehearse at

Middlepool in the glorious beauty of his youth and she had been

stricken as with a mortal sickness? He was wonderfully handsome

still, after all he was only thirty-six, but he was not a boy any more;

with his close-cropped hair and weather-beaten skin, little lines be-

ginning to mark the smoothness of his forehead and to show under

his eyes, he was definitely a man. He had lost his coltish grace and

his movements were set. Each difference was very small, but taken

altogether they amounted, in her shrewd, calculating eyes, to all the

difference in the world. He was a middle-aged man.

They still lived in the small flat that they had taken when first

they came to London. Though Julia had been for some time earning

a good income it had not seemed worthwhile to move while Michael

was on active service, but now that a baby was coming the flat was

obviously too small. Julia had found a house in Regent's Park that

she liked very much. She wanted to be settled down in good time for

her confinement.

The house faced the gardens. Above the drawing-room floor were

two bedrooms and above these, two rooms that could be made into

a day and a night nursery. Michael was pleased with everything;

even the price seemed to him reasonable. Julia had, during the last