William Somerset Maugham 3 страница

to bring himself to spring to that, but she was so touched that he

should give her anything that she could not help crying.

" What an emotional little thing you are, " he said, but he was ple-

ased and touched to see her tears.

She found his thrift rather an engaging trait. He could not bear to

throw his money about. He was not exactly mean, but he was not

generous. Once or twice at restaurants she thought he undertipped

the waiter, but he paid no attention to her when she ventured to re-

monstrate. He gave the exact ten per cent, and when he could not

make the exact sum to a penny asked the waiter for change.

" Neither a borrower nor a lender be, " he quoted from Polonius.

When some member of the company, momentarily hard up, tried

to borrow from him it was in vain. But he refused so frankly, with so

much heartiness, that he did not affront.

" My dear old boy, I'd love to lend you a quid, but I'm absolutely

stony. I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent at the end of the

week. "

For some months Michael was so much occupied with his own

parts that he failed to notice how good an actress Julia was. Of cour-

se he read the reviews, and their praise of Julia, but he read summa-

rily, without paying much attention till he came to the remarks the

critics made about him. He was pleased by their approval, but not

cast down by their censure. He was too modest to resent an unfavo-

urable criticism.

" I suppose I was rotten, " he would say ingenuously.

His most engaging trait was his good humour. He bore Jimmie

Langton's abuse with equanimity. When tempers grew frayed during

a long rehearsal he remained serene. It was impossible to quarrel

with him. One day he was sitting in front watching the rehearsal of

an act in which he did not appear. It ended with a powerful and mo-

ving scene in which Julia had the opportunity to give a fine display of

acting. When the stage was being set for the next act Julia came

through the pass door and sat down beside Michael. He did not spe-

ak to her, but looked sternly in front of him. She threw him a surpri-

sed look. It was unlike him not to give her a smile and a friendly

word. Then she saw that he was clenching his jaw to prevent its

trembling and that his eyes were heavy with tears.

" What's the matter, darling? "

" Don't talk to me. You dirty little bitch, you've made me cry. "

" Angel! "

The tears came to her own eyes and streamed down her face.

She was so pleased, so flattered.

" Oh, damn it, " he sobbed. " I can't help it. "

He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and dried his eyes.

(" I love him, I love him, I love him. " )

Presently he blew his nose.

" I'm beginning to feel better now. But, my God, you shattered

me. "

" It's not a bad scene, is it? "

" The scene be damned, it was you. You just wrung my heart. The

critics are right, damn it, you're an actress and no mistake. "

" Have you only just discovered it? "

" I knew you were pretty good, but I never knew you were as good

as all that. You make the rest of us look like a piece of cheese.

You're going to be a star. Nothing can stop you. "

" Well then, you shall be my leading man. "

" Fat chance I'd have of that with a London manager. " Julia had an

inspiration.

" Then you must go into management yourself and make me your

leading lady. "

He paused. He was not a quick thinker and needed a little time to

let a notion sink into his mind. He smiled.

" You know that's not half a bad idea. "

They talked it over at luncheon. Julia did most of the talking while

he listened to her with absorbed interest.

" Of course the only way to get decent parts consistently is to run

one's own theatre, " he said. " I know that. "

The money was the difficulty. They discussed how much was the

least they could start on. Michael thought five thousand pounds was

the minimum. But how in heaven's name could they raise a sum like

that? Of course some of those Middlepool manufacturers were rol-

ling in money, but you could hardly expect them to fork out five tho-

usand pounds to start a couple of young actors who had only a local

reputation. Besides, they were jealous of London.

" You'll have to find your rich old woman, " said Julia gaily.

She only half believed all she had been saying, but it excited her

to discuss a plan that would bring her into a close and constant rela-

tion with Michael. But he was being very serious.

" I don't believe one could hope to make a success in London un-

less one were pretty well known already. The thing to do would be

to act there in other managements for three or four years first; one's

got to know the ropes. And the advantage of that would be that one

would have had time to read plays. It would be madness to start in

management unless one had at least three plays. One of them out

to be a winner. "

" Of course if one did that, one ought to make a point of acting to-

gether so that the public got accustomed to seeing the two names

on the same bill. "

" I don't know that there's much in that. The great thing is to have

good, strong parts. There's no doubt in my mind that it would be

much easier to find backers if one had made a bit of a reputation in

London. "

IT was getting on for Easter, and Jimmie Langton always closed

his theatre for Holy Week. Julia did not quite know what to do with

herself; it seemed hardly worth while to go to Jersey. She was surpri-

sed to receive a letter one morning from Mrs. Gosselyn, Michael's

mother, saying that it would give the Colonel and herself so much

pleasure if she would come with Michael to spend the week at Chel-

tenham. When she showed the letter to Michael he beamed.

" I asked her to invite you. I thought it would be more polite than if

I just took you along. "

" You are sweet. Of course I shall love to come. "

Her heart beat with delight. The prospect of spending a whole we-

ek with Michael was enchanting. It was just like his good nature to

come to the rescue when he knew she was at a loose end. But she

saw there was something he wanted to say, yet did not quite like to.

" What is it? "

He gave a little laugh of embarrassment.

" Well, dear, you know, my father's rather old-fashioned, and there

are some things he can't be expected to understand. Of course I

don't want you to tell a lie or anything like that, but I think it would

seem rather funny to him if he knew your father was a vet. When I

wrote and asked if I could bring you down I said he was a doctor. "

" Oh, that's all right. "

Julia found the Colonel a much less alarming person than she had

expected. He was thin and rather small, with a lined face and close-

cropped white hair. His features had a worn distinction. He reminded

you of a head on an old coin that had been in circulation too long.

He was civil, but reserved. He was neither peppery nor tyrannical as

Julia, from her knowledge of the stage, expected a colonel to be.

She could not imagine him shouting out words of command in that

courteous, rather cold voice. He had in point of fact retired with ho-

norary rank after an entirely undistinguished career, and for many

years had been content to work in his garden and play bridge at his

club. He read The Times, went to church on Sunday and accompani-

ed his wife to tea-parties. Mrs. Gosselyn was a tall, stoutish, elderly

woman, much taller than her husband, who gave you the impression

that she was always trying to diminish her height. She had the re-

mains of good looks, so that you said to yourself that when young

she must have been beautiful. She wore her hair parted in the mid-

dle with a bun on the nape of her neck. Her classic features and her

size made her at first meeting somewhat imposing, but Julia quickly

discovered that she was very shy. Her movements were stiff and

awkward. She was dressed fussily, with a sort of old-fashioned rich-

ness which did not suit her. Julia, who was entirely without self-cons-

ciousness, found the elder woman's deprecating attitude rather to-

uching. She had never known an actress to speak to and did not qu-

ite know how to deal with the predicament in which she now found

herself. The house was not at all grand, a small detached stucco*

house in a garden with a laurel hedge, and since the Gosselyns had

been for some years in India there were great trays of brass ware

and brass bowls, pieces of Indian embroidery and highly-carved Indi-

an tables. It was cheap bazaar stuff, and you wondered how anyone

had thought it worth bringing home.

Julia was quick-witted. It did not take her long to discover that the

Colonel, notwithstanding his reserve, and Mrs. Gosselyn, notwiths-

tanding her shyness, were taking stock of her. The thought flashed

through her mind that Michael had brought her down for his parents

to inspect her. Why? There was only one possible reason, and when

she thought of it her heart leaped. She saw that he was anxious for

her to make a good impression. She felt instinctively that she must

conceal the actress, and without effort, without deliberation, merely

because she felt it would please, she played the part of the simple,

modest, ingenuous girl who had lived a quiet country life. She wal-

ked round the garden with the Colonel and listened intelligently whi-

le he talked of peas and asparagus; she helped Mrs. Gosselyn with

the flowers and dusted the ornaments with which the drawing-room

was crowded. She talked to her of Michael. She told her how cleverly

he acted and how popular he was and she praised his looks. She

saw that Mrs. Gosselyn was very proud of him, and with a flash of in-

tuition saw that it would please her if she let her see, with the ut-

most delicacy, as though she would have liked to keep it a secret

but betrayed herself unwittingly, that she was head over ears in love

with him.

" Of course we hope he'll do well, " said Mrs. Gosselyn. " We didn't

much like the idea of his going on the stage; you see, on both sides

of the family, we're army, but he was set on it. "

" Yes, of course I see what you mean. "

" I know it doesn't mean so much as when I was a girl, but after all

he was born a gentleman. "

" Oh, but some very nice people go on the stage nowadays, you

know. It's not like in the old days. "

" No, I suppose not. I'm so glad he brought you down here. I was a

little nervous about it. I thought you'd be made-up and... perhaps a

little loud. No one would dream you were on the stage. "

(" I should damn well think not. Haven't I been giving a perfect

performance of the village maiden for the last forty-eight hours? " )

The Colonel began to make little jokes with her and sometimes he

pinched her ear playfully.

" Now you mustn't flirt with me, Colonel, " she cried, giving him a

roguish delicious glance. " Just because I'm an actress you think you

can take liberties with me. "

" George, George, " smiled Mrs. Gosselyn. And then to Julia: " He al-

ways was a terrible flirt. "

(" Gosh, I'm going down like a barrel of oysters. " )

Mrs. Gosselyn told her about India, how strange it was to have all

those coloured servants, but how nice the society was, only army

people and Indian civilians, but still it wasn't like home, and how

glad she was to get back to England.

They were to leave on Easter Monday because they were playing

that night, and on Sunday evening after supper Colonel Gosselyn sa-

id he was going to his study to write letters; a minute or two later

Mrs. Gosselyn said she must go and see the cook. When they were

left alone Michael, standing with his back to the fire, lit a cigarette.

" I" m afraid it's been very quiet down here; I hope you haven't had

an awfully dull time. " " It's been heavenly. "

" You've made a tremendous success with my people. They've ta-

ken an enormous fancy to you. "

" God, I've worked for it, " thought Julia, but aloud said: " How d'you

know? "

" Oh, I can see it. Father told me you were very ladylike, and not a

bit like an actress, and mother says you're so sensible. "

Julia looked down as though the extravagance of these compli-

ments was almost more than she could bear. Michael came over and

stood in front of her. The thought occurred to her that he looked like

a handsome young footman* applying for a situation. He was stran-

gely nervous. Her heart thumped against her ribs.

" Julia dear, will you marry me? "

For the last week she had asked herself whether or not he was

going to propose to her, and now that he had at last done so, she

was strangely confused.

" Michael! "

" Not immediately, I don't mean. But when we've got our feet on

the ladder. I know that you can act me, off the stage, but we get on

together like a house on fire, and when we do go into management I

think we'd make a pretty good team. And you know I do like you

most awfully. I mean, I've never met anyone who's a patch on you. "

(" The blasted fool, why does he talk all that rot? Doesn't he know

I'm crazy to marry him? Why doesn't he kiss me, kiss me, kiss me? I

wonder if I dare tell him I'm absolutely sick with love for him. " )

" Michael, you're so handsome. No one could refuse to marry

you! "

" Darling! "

(" I'd better get up. He wouldn't know how to sit down. God, that

scene that Jimmie made him do over and over again! " )

She got on her feet and put up her face to his. He took her in his

arms and kissed her lips.

" I must tell mother. "

He broke away from her and went to the door. " Mother, mother! "

In a moment the Colonel and Mrs. Gosselyn came in. They bore a

look of happy expectancy. (" By God, it was a put-up job. " )

" Mother, father, we're engaged. "

Mrs. Gosselyn began to cry. With her awkward, lumbering gait

she came up to Julia, flung her arms round her, and sobbing, kissed

her. The Colonel wrung his son's hand in a manly way and releasing

Julia from his wife's embrace kissed her too. He was deeply moved.

All this emotion worked on Julia and, though she smiled happily, the

tears coursed down her cheeks. Michael watched the affecting sce-

ne with sympathy.

" What d'you say to a bottle of pop* to celebrate? " he said. " It lo-

oks to me as though mother and Julia were thoroughly upset. "

" The ladies, God bless 'em, " said the Colonel when glasses were

filled.

JULIA now was looking at the photograph of herself in her wed-

ding-dress.

" Christ, what a sight I looked. "

They decided to keep their engagement to themselves, and Julia

told no one about it but Jimmie Langton, two or three girls in the

company and her dresser. She vowed them to secrecy and could not

understand how within forty-eight hours everyone in the theatre se-

emed to know all about it. Julia was divinely happy. She loved Micha-

el more passionately than ever and would gladly have married him

there and then, but his good sense prevailed. They were at present

no more than a couple of provincial actors, and to start their conqu-

est of London as a married couple would jeopardize their chances.

Julia showed him as clearly as she knew how, and this was very cle-

arly indeed, that she was quite willing to become his mistress, but

this he refused. He was too honourable to take advantage of her.

" I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honour more, "

he quoted.

He felt sure that when they were married they would bitterly reg-

ret it if they had lived together before as man and wife. Julia was

proud of his principles. He was a kind and affectionate lover, but in a

very short while seemed to take her a trifle for granted; by his man-

ner, friendly but casual, you might have thought they had been mar-

ried for years. But he showed great good nature in allowing Julia to

make love to him. She adored to sit cuddled up to him with his arm

round her waist, her face against his, and it was heaven when she

could press her eager mouth against his rather thin lips. Though

when they sat side by side like that he preferred to talk of the parts

they were studying or make plans for the future, he made her very

happy. She never tired of praising his beauty. It was heavenly, when

she told him how exquisite his nose was and how lovely his russet,

curly hair, to feel his hold on her tighten a little and to see the ten-

derness in his eyes.

" Darling, you'll make me as vain as a peacock. "

" It would be so silly to pretend you weren't divinely handsome. "

Julia thought he was, and she said it because she liked saying it,

but she said it also because she knew he liked to hear it. He had af-

fection and admiration for her, he felt at ease with her, and he had

confidence in her, but she was well aware that he was not in love

with her. She consoled herself by thinking that he loved her as much

as he was capable of loving, and she thought that when they were

married, when they slept together, her own passion would excite an

equal passion in him. Meanwhile she exercised all her tact and all

her self-control. She knew she could not afford to bore him. She

knew she must never let him feel that she was a burden or a res-

ponsibility. He might desert her for a game of golf, or to lunch with a

casual acquaintance, she never let him see for a moment that she

was hurt. And with an inkling that her success as an actress strengt-

hened his feeling for her she worked like a dog to play well.

When they had been engaged for rather more than a year an

American manager, looking for talent and having heard of Jimmie

Langton's repertory company, came to Middlepool and was greatly

taken by Michael. He sent him round a note asking him to come to

his hotel on the following afternoon. Michael, breathless with excite-

ment, showed it to Julia; it could only mean that he was going to of-

fer him a part. Her heart sank, but she pretended that she was as

excited as he, and went with him next day to the hotel. She was to

wait in the lobby while Michael saw the great man.

" Wish me luck, " he whispered, as he turned from her to enter the

lift. " It's almost too good to be true. "

Julia sat in a great leather armchair willing with all her might the

American manager to offer a part that Michael would refuse or a sa-

lary that he felt it would be beneath his dignity to accept. Or alter-

natively that he should get Michael to read the part he had in view

and come to the conclusion that he could not touch it. But when she

saw Michael coming towards her half an hour later, his eyes bright

and his step swinging, she knew he had clicked. For a moment she

thought she was going to be sick, and when she forced on her face

an eager, happy smile, she felt that her muscles were stiff and hard.

" It's all right. He says it's a damned good part, a boy's part, nine-

teen. Eight or ten weeks in New York and then on the road. It's a sa-

fe forty weeks with John Drew. Two hundred and fifty dollars a we-

ek. "

" Oh, darling, how wonderful for you. "

It was quite clear that he had accepted with alacrity. The thought

of refusing had never even occurred to him.

" And I - I, " she thought, " if they'd offered me a thousand dollars a

week I wouldn't have gone if it meant being separated from Micha-

el. "

Black despair seized her. She could do nothing. She must pretend

to be as delighted as he was. He was too much excited to sit still

and took her out into the crowded street to walk.

" It's a wonderful chance. Of course America's expensive, but I

ought to be able to live on fifty dollars a week at the outside, they

say the Americans are awfully hospitable and I shall get a lot of free

meals. I don't see why I shouldn't save eight thousand dollars in the

forty weeks and that's sixteen hundred pounds. "

(" He doesn't love me. He doesn't care a damn about me. I hate

him. I'd like to kill him. Blast that American manager. " )

" And if he takes me on for a second year I'm to get three hund-

red. That means that in two years I'd have the best part of four tho-

usand pounds. Almost enough to start management on. "

" A second year! " For a moment Julia lost control of herself and her

voice was heavy with tears. " D'you mean to say you'll be gone two

years? "

" Oh, I should come back next summer of course. They pay my fa-

re back and I'd go and live at home so as not to spend any money. "

" I don't know how I'm going to get on without you. "

She said the words very brightly, so that they sounded polite, but

somewhat casual.

" Well, we can have a grand time together in the summer and you

know a year, two years at the outside, well, it passes like a flash of

lightning. "

Michael had been walking at random, but Julia without his noti-

cing had guided him in the direction she wished, and now they arri-

ved in front of the theatre. She stopped.

" I'll see you later. I've got to pop up and see Jimmie. "

His face fell.

" You're not going to leave me now! I must talk to somebody. I

thought we might go and have a snack together before the show. "

" I'm terribly sorry. Jimmie's expecting me and you know what he

is. "

Michael gave her his sweet, good-natured smile.

" Oh, well, go on then. I'm not going to hold it up against you be-

cause for once you've let me down. "

He walked on and she went in by the stage door. Jimmie Langton

had arranged himself a tiny flat under the roof to which you gained

access through the balcony. She rang the bell of his front door and

he opened it himself. He was surprised, but pleased, to see her.

" Hulloa, Julia, come in. "

She walked past him without a word, and when they got into his

sitting-room, untidy, littered with typescript plays, books and other

rubbish, the remains of his frugal luncheon still on a tray by his

desk, she turned and faced him. Her jaw was set and her eyes were

frowning.

" You devil! "

With a swift gesture she went up to him, seized him by his loose

shirt collar with both hands and shook him. He struggled to get free

of her, but she was strong and violent.

" Stop it. Stop it. "

" You devil, you swine, you filthy low-down cad. " He took a swing

and with his open hand gave her a great smack on the face. She ins-

tinctively loosened her grip on him and put her own hand up to her

cheek, for he had hurt her. She burst out crying.

" You brute. You rotten hound to hit a woman. "

" You put that where the monkey put the nuts, dearie. Didn't you

know that when a woman hits me I always hit back? "

" I didn't hit you. "

" You damned near throttled me. "

" You deserved it. Oh, my God, I'd like to kill you. "

" Now sit down, duckie, and I'll give you a drop of Scotch to pull

you together. And then you can tell me all about it. "

Julia looked round for a big chair into which she could conveni-

ently sink.

" Christ, the place is like a pig-sty. Why the hell don't you get a

charwoman in? "

With an angry gesture she swept the books on to the floor from

an armchair, threw herself in it, and began to cry in earnest. He po-

ured her out a stiff dose of whisky, added a drop of soda, and made

her drink it.

" Now what's all this Tosca stuff about? "

" Michael's going to America. "

" Is he? "

She wrenched herself away from the arm he had round her shoul-

der.

" How could you? How could you? "

" I had nothing to do with it. "

" That's a lie. I suppose you didn't even know that filthy American

manager was in Middlepool. Of course it's your doing. You did it deli-