Prologue 10 страница

       I sat and started to read instead, because otherwise, I would just pace and if I sat on my bed I’d fall asleep in no time.

       After careful consideration of my wardrobe, I curled up in my cami and cherry sleep pants in the club chair in the corner of my room. I didn’t want him to think I was trying to be sexy, but I didn’t want to look like a frump either. But I needed to be wearing something that he could easily reach my skin. I gnawed my bottom lip in anticipation of tonight. I mean it didn’t mean anything really. I’d slept with him before, once. It’s just sleep, I knew that, but for some reason, tonight it felt like so much more. Like this was a step for us towards something.

       So I read my favorite book, Pride and Prejudice. I’d worn down the pages so much that the binding barely held anymore. I know it’s the cliché favorite girl’s book but I can’t help it. It was a perfect story. Elizabeth is the typical girl with confidence yet insecurities and family drama and Mr. Darcy was a fine specimen of what a man should be like.

       After I’d read for about twenty minutes I started to be curious. I didn’t want to text him again and seem clingy or controlling but I was worried that he’d already tried to come and dad had turned him away.

       Then I heard the tink of something hitting my window. My heart leapt in giddiness. There’s a guy tossing rocks at my window! It was a very classic movie moment for me. I eased it open and looked down to see Caleb smiling up at me.

       It had to be the second floor, he thought to me.

       I gasped at his words in my mind and laughed happily but quietly and shrugged. He began to climb up the drainpipe and then hooked his leg over the porch roof. He pulled himself up and walked over easily to the window.

       “Can I come in? ” he asked.

       “Yes. ” I moved back so he had room. “So this was the big plan. To sneak in? ” I jested.

       “Yep. Couldn’t think of anything else. Does your door lock? ”

       I went to it and turned the little bolt to lock it. I came back to him as he shucked his backpack.

       “I brought snacks, ” he chimed and pulled out two packs of honey buns.

       “Ah! Yay! ” I took mine and unwrapped it enough to take a bite. “You totally get points for remembering. ”

       “That’s what I was going for, ” he laughed. He took a bite of his too and devoured it in two more bites. “Hey, pretty good. ”

       “How have you not had a honey bun before? ”

       He shrugged.

       “Not sure. My favorite snacks are macadamia nut cookies. My mom always makes them for me and mails them to my apartment once a week. ”

       “Aw. That’s nice. I like cookies too but, honey buns are just the right amount of sweet, ” I said and smiled but that turned into a yawn.

       “Sleepy again? ” he asked and pulled me to sit on the bed beside him.

       “Yeah. I can’t believe it but I am. ”

       “So, what happened with the guy? ” His voice was a little hard. “Did I win the bet? ”

       “Yes, ” I sighed reluctantly. “I shouldn’t feel guilty, he dumped me, but I do a little. He was pretty upset. ”

       “He wanted to get back together and you said no? ”

       “What else would I say? ”

       “I don’t know. That you regret what happened. ”

       “You mean you? I regret you? ” He stayed silent but that was answer enough. “No. Of course I don’t. He hasn’t given me half of what we have in just the few days I’ve known you and I told him that. ”

       “He kissed you, ” he said so low I barely heard him.

       “Yes, ” I answered truthfully and waited. Was he angry? Did his silence mean he regretted it? Was he disappointed because he thought I let him or wanted it? “I didn’t let him if that’s what you’re thinking. In fact, I shocked him or... something when he wouldn’t let go. ”

       “Wouldn’t let go? ” he asked and I heard the edge to his tone.

       “I handled it. ”

       “Did he hurt you? Force you? ” He moved to stand over me, tower over me. “Tell me the truth, Maggie. ”

       “No, he didn’t hurt me, just got a little carried away. I zapped him or whatever and told him I wanted you. And then I went inside. ”

       His breathing was heavy and his face hard.

       “He better hope I don’t see him walking around. ”

       “It’s ok. ” I stood too and placed my palm on his cheek. His breathing almost instantly calmed and he sighed, leaning into my hand. “Then my dad scolded me for it, like it was my fault. And then... he said he’d like it if I went to college next semester. ”

       “He said that? ”

       “Yeah, ” I said softly and so hated to stomp on the hope in his voice. “But I can’t go. I told you, I completely screwed up this year. The rest of the years won’t matter. No one’s going to let me in. ”

       “Let us handle that. Will you? We have connections at Tennessee. If you’re sure you want to go there, you’re in. ”

       “What kind of connections? ”

       “Well, Benjamin Franklin is the most famous. ”

       “What is he your great, great, great uncle or something? ”

       “No, ” he laughed. “I meant hundreds as in dollars. We furnished the library in the Jacobson family name. Plus all colleges give alumni special privileges. ”

       My heart skipped at the idea but plummeted in the next beat.

       “But I don’t have any college money. My mom took it when she left and my dad let things go too badly to help me with loans. ”

       “Don’t worry about it. My dad wants to take care of it. ”

       “What! Like pay my way to college? ” I stared at him. “No way. I couldn’t let him do that. ”

       “Why not? He has the money, that’s what it’s there for. Family. ” He brought his head to mine. “You’re family now. Anything that’s ours is yours. ”

       “Caleb, it’s too much. ”

       “No it isn’t. Just think about it, ok? I’m not guessing here. He already talked to me about it. Same way with the house. It’s your house now too. ”

       I hadn’t even kissed him yet and he was already trying to pay for my college.

       “Not me, my father, ” he corrected, reading my thoughts. “He wants to, he lives for it. We all help each other. It’s why everyone works so hard in our family. ”

       I looked at him and saw he was completely serious and sincere.

       “Ok, I’ll think about it but, it’s pretty crazy and I’m not really comfortable with the whole paying-my-way thing. ”

       He nodded and continued to look down at me.

       “Did I tell you how cute you look in pajamas? ”

       “Yeah, ” I giggled. “I think you did. Nice subject change, by the way. ”

       “It worked, ” he smirked and it defined his dimple.

       I couldn’t wait another second.

       I bit my lip as I slid my hands up his chest to his neck to rest in his hair. It was curly and soft as I pushed my fingers through it. He closed his eyes and groaned a little when I scratched and ran them through the strands. It was exactly like I imagined it was.

       “I’ve wanted to do that every since you knocked me to the pavement, ” I said easily and smiled.

       He looked like he was having trouble with his breaths. I remembered what he had said that day, about being more affected by my touch than I was to his.

       He reached out and did the same to me, ran his fingers through my hair and down my neck. It felt better than anything ever before it. He leaned down to kiss my forehead. I pulled his face down, moving his lips from my forehead to my mouth. I paused for just a second and saw his eyes flash before I pulled him down and... and then we were kissing. His fingers tightened in my hair as I pressed my lips to his. When our mouths opened together, it was almost like imprinting all over again.

       I felt a tingling burn start at my lips and move outwards down my neck, a cold in my veins and hot on my skin, my body zinged with a jolt of tremors and shocks and a heavy fog seemed to blanket the room, like morphine. I was calm, almost too calm but also enraptured with him and his lips.

       I got flashes and glimpses from Caleb and saw that he was feeling the same thing, but we didn’t stop. I moved my fingers to the back of his neck and felt the gentle pressure of his tongue. I could barely take what was happening to me.

       And then he gently pushed me back to lie on the bed, placing himself over me, never breaking the kiss.

       While my pulse rioted in my body under his, my lips pushed harder. I pulled my knees up to be on either side of him as I was pressed into the mattress. I had a strange feeling like this is what Rachel and Gran had been trying to tell us about. That eventually it would be like a dam would break and we’d be unable to control ourselves with each other.

       But I wasn’t accustomed to letting something else control me. I knew we could be trusted with each other, that we could enjoy the other but not get carried away.

       I fought for control. I felt the fog lift slowly as I pulled away, our lips were barely apart and we shared breath as we panted and fought to get a grip.

       “Ah, ” he breathed. “That’s what I’ve been missing with you? You got to be kidding me? ” he said hoarsely and then laughed a strained chuckle as he stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers.

       I didn’t know what to say. In my mind that may as well have been my first kiss because nothing before it even mattered. I smiled up at him. He eased off me slowly, pulling me to sit up even as he moved to sit in the chair.

       “I, uh, think I better sit over here for a minute. ”

       I felt confused. Did he really think he couldn’t control himself? Why was he moving away? Did I go too fast? I thought he wanted me to? Was I not any good? It was almost funny to me that I’d never had any of these concerns with Chad.

       He came back to kneel in front of me on the floor, between my knees. He put his hands on my hips and squeezed once.

       “Are you for real? Of course I wanted you to. And it was good. Too good. I just don’t want things to get out of control. ”

       “You don’t think we can control ourselves? ” I asked and gave him a questioning look.

       “Well, my mom explained that it’s really intense. And it was. I know you felt it. ”

       “Yes. I did. But we stopped just fine. Look, no offense to your mad skills, ” he laughed and shook his head, “but I think I can handle it. I’m not afraid of you losing control with me and I’m not worried about me not being to stop you either. You’d never hurt me. You’re parents trusted us to be alone, didn’t they? ”

       “Yeah. But my mom is worried about you. That I’ll persuade you to do something you don’t want to even if neither of us meant to. That I’ll let it control me. ”

       I was so confused.

       “Will you explain it to me, please? You keep talking about this but I don’t understand. It’s worse for you? ”

       “Yes, in a way. It’s uncomfortable. ” His cheeks actually turned pink as he looked away. “The males are the protectors, the leaders of the clan. The way I feel about you is more than just... affection, which I feel plenty of. I feel protective of you above everything else and concerned about your welfare. When I’m not with you, I spend the whole time trying to tell myself that you’re ok, that you’re safe, that you don’t need me right that second. It’s like a steady constant stream running through my mind. ”

       I licked my lips nervously.

       “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was like that for you. ”

       “No, ” he crooned and grabbed my face gently. “No, no. I want it that way. It helps me keep you safe. And it helps me keep you happy. I can’t always read your mind unless I’m trying but I can feel what you feel, especially when you have a spike of adrenaline or emotion. And you know how you can feel my heartbeat sometimes? ” I nodded. “I can always feel yours. Always, even when I’m not with you, beating right next to mine. ”

       I thought about all the times he’d touched me and my heart raced. All the times I’d watched him and thought about him and it skipped and jumped. I’m sure my face was as red a beet.

       “This, ” he continued, “is why I didn’t tell you all this yet. I didn’t want you to feel weird around me or be embarrassed and I still don’t. I wanted you to be yourself so you could get to know me. ”

       I had a thought.

       “That’s how you knew Chad kissed me? ” I accused him but it came out as barely a whisper, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

       “Yeah, ” he said and flashed a second’s of irritation on his face before he settled for a slight scowl. “You see, your heartbeats sound different when you’re excited and when your distressed. ”

       I flushed brighter, the heat almost unbearable.

       “I was not excited that he was kissing me, ” I said vehemently.

       “I know that. ” His thumbs caressed my cheeks making me shiver. “But your body involuntarily reacts when someone kisses you. I figured it out and it took all my will power to trust you and not come over here to pummel him. ”

       That made me laugh. He nuzzled his nose with mine.

       “What I was getting at, is that I feel everything you do but, because I feel my own feelings plus yours, it’s just a lot harder for me. If I’m touching you and you like it... it all just adds together and makes me want to touch you even more, ” he said gruffly and wrapped his arms around my waist. “It feels sometimes like I couldn’t stop touching you for anything. ”

       He brushed his lips against mine.

       “I don’t see why that’s a bad thing, ” I murmured against his lips.

       “It’s not. I just want you to understand that if we get carried away, it won’t be me that stops us. I don’t know if I could. ”

       “I’m not worried. I told you. I have no problem with making sure we don’t go too far, ok? I trust you. ”

       “I’m glad. I want you to trust me. I want you to feel completely safe with me. I would never hurt you, Maggie, and I’d never let anything happen to you. ”

       “I know that, ” I insisted.

       “You, ” he took my hand and held it to his chest where our hearts beat together, “are in me now. You’re everything. All I want is for you to be happy and safe. I need you to be. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me things, anything. If I’m being too pushy, crowding or controlling you or getting on your nerves, just say the word. ”

       “I don’t think I could not like those things, ” I said sweetly.

       “Maggie, I’m serious. ”

       “So am I. ” I pulled him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I want you to be happy too. I want you to tell me the same things. Everything is gonna be fine. We’ll both be honest and it’s not like we can’t read each others thoughts and feelings anyway. It’s not like I could hide it if I was annoyed, right? ”

       He smiled sadly.

       “No, not really. ”

       There was something he wasn’t telling me. I could feel it hanging there. I reached out in my mind and pushed. His gaze shot to mine and he knew I was looking for something. He let down any resistance and closed his eyes. We were completely open to each other, connected.

       I could see how he still felt my choices were being taken away. He thought I’d still be with Chad and would never have given him the time of day had things not happened like they did. He was so extremely worried and upset over this echoling thing, pissed even. He also wanted to kiss me again and it almost hurt to restrain himself and it hurt me to know that. To actually feel the way it pulled him to me and wanted him to just consume me with passion. I had no idea he was feeling this way around me.

       But the most important thing I saw was that he loved me.

       He had no intentions of telling me because he thought I’d freak and think it was way too soon. But what he didn’t understand is that I did. I understood how crazy and unconventional this all was but we were bound together and I wasn’t scared anymore. That could not be denied. And though I didn’t know him that well, something in me did. It recognized him and chose him as he chose me because we were meant for each other.