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   36. Restless



       " I was just thinking about you. Can't sleep? "

       " No, " I answered softly.

       " I didn't want to wake you, so I was waiting to call you tomorrow. "

       " Well, it is tomorrow, " I offered with a slight grin.

       " Barely, " he laughed lightly. " I'm glad you called. "

       " I was afraid you wouldn't want to hear from me. "

       " Emma, I always want to hear from you. It's when I don't that makes me worry. "

       " I'm sorry. Really, I'm so sorry for not telling you what was going on with my mother. But I want to. I want to tell you everything. "

       " We'll talk when I get back, okay? For now, I just want to know you're all right. "

       " I'm better. "

       " The two a. m. call is convincing, " he returned playfully.

       A smile crept across my face. " I'll be able to sleep now that I've talked to you. "

       " So will I. "

       " Will you still call me tomorrow? " I requested, not wanting to sound too desperate.

       " Yes, I will. You should try to get some sleep now. "

       " Okay, " I whispered. Before I hung up, I called, " Evan. "

       " Yes, Emma. "

       " I love you. "

       " I love you, too. "

           

 

       I hoped I hadn't dreamt the call when I woke the next morning. It stirred, faint as whispers in my head, not seeming real. But when I looked at my call history and found his number at two eleven in the morning, I exhaled in relief.

       " Wow, is that a smile I see on your face, Emma Thomas? " Sara teased when she walked in the room. " Did you actually have a nice dream for once? "

       " Uh, no, " I countered. " I talked to Evan last night. "

       " Really? What did you talk about? "

       " Nothing much. It was late, but he promised to call me today. "

       " That's good, " she returned with a smile. " He can't stay upset with you. He's kind of pathetic that way. "

       " Sara! " I balked. " He's not pathetic. "

       She smirked and continued to her closet.

       " I can't wait for the next two months to be over, " I sighed, lying on my back and looking up at the skylights with a pillow hugged to my chest. " Are you coming out to Santa Barbara with Evan and me this summer before school starts? I'm pretty sure Jared knows the guys we're staying with. "

       I waited, but Sara didn't respond. " Sara? "

       She emerged from the closet with her mouth contorted. She couldn't look me in the eye, so I knew she had something to tell me that she didn't want to. " Sara, tell me. "

       Sara took a deep breath and pressed her knees against her bed, her face already apologizing for whatever it was she was about to say. I braced myself.

       " I didn't accept the offer to go to CCA in San Francisco. " My eyes widened in shock. We'd been planning to go to college in California for what seemed like forever, and her acceptance to California College of the Arts was perfect. We’d be near each other while I was at Stanford.

       " I'm going to Parsons. "

       " New York? " I uttered as my mouth dropped. The disappointment left me speechless. I'd never been without Sara since I met her, and being so far away from her for college was impossible to wrap my head around. I didn't respond for a moment, needing to get over the blow. Then I took a step back and released the part that was about me.

       Parsons was closer to her family... and Jared. And it was one of the best fashion design schools in the world. She watched me carefully, waiting for my full reaction. I finally looked up at her with tears in my eyes and a proud smile on my face. " I'm going to miss you. But Sara, I'm so happy for you. " The worry disappeared, replaced by a stunning smile that lit up her eyes.

       " Really? " she confirmed, walking around the bed. " You're not mad? "

       " Mad? I'm not going to lie. I'm sad we won't be together, but I want this for you. Parsons is amazing, and you deserve to go there. "

       Sara sat next to me and gave me a hug. It surprised me at first, but I wrapped my arms around her and held her with my face buried in her hair. She squeezed me tight, not making a move to release me. A tear escaped down my cheek as I kept holding on, almost afraid to let go. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

       Her voice heavy with emotion, she murmured in my ear, " I'm coming out to California for the summer, until school starts. " We slowly separated. Her eyes glistened with tears. " We'll see each other every break. And I'll email you and text and Skype everyday; it'll be like I'm there with you. And you'll have Evan, so you won't be alone. "

       I grinned at her assurances. " I know. We're always going to be friends. "

       " No. We're always going to be sisters. " Sara smiled and wiped away the tears that moistened her cheeks.

       " Besides, there's so much to look forward to in the next two months, " she expressed jubilantly, trying to laugh away the sadness. " We have prom, senior week, graduation. Emma, I know right now it sucks for you, but everything's going to get better― especially now that you're moving back in with me. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you'll get through this― you always do. And you may even enjoy the last couple months of your senior year. "

       I nodded, running my hand along my damp cheeks with my lips pressed into a smile. A mixture of emotions fueled the tears. I’d lost my mother (again). And now Sara… She truly was my sister in every way, and I was so proud of her. Everything was changing so fast. I hoped it wasn't going to change too much.

           

 

       " That was quick, " Sara noted when I returned from speaking with Evan, after anxiously awaiting his call all day. I sat down next to her at the kitchen table.

       " He just wanted to say hi before it got too late, " I explained quietly, using the tongs to lift the fettuccine out of the bowl and set the small mound on my plate. " They were on their way out to surf, so the guys were waiting for him. "

       " He's still a little off, isn't he? "

       " A little, " I admitted, poking at the pasta with my fork― not even considering taking a bite.

       " He'll be back in a few days, " Sara encouraged. " I'm sure it's hard over the phone. It will be different in person. "

       " I hope so, " I sighed, playing back the awkward strain in our conversation as we searched for anything positive to say. There wasn't much to talk about until he heard what I hadn't told him over the past couple of months. The missing conversations separated us further than the distance between Connecticut and Hawaii.

       " What should we do tonight? " Sara asked, trying to distract me.

       " Don't you have to get up early to go to the airport? "

       " We can make it an early night and just watch a movie, " she suggested. " Besides, you could use the sleep. " She smirked teasingly. There was no denying the repercussions of sleep deprivation, especially with Sara. She just had to look at me to know how long it had been since I'd slept― and it had been awhile. With the buildup of drama and anxiety, sleep was a turbid mirage.

       " Are you going to be okay staying here by yourself? "

       " I was thinking about asking Casey if I could stay with her since we have soccer together, " I told her. " Evan's back Saturday, so it would only be for two nights. "

       " That won't be bad, " Sara mused. Then she grinned wickedly and added, " You seem pretty positive that you're staying over at his house on Saturday night. You're not all that worried he'll forgive you, are you? "

       I shrugged sheepishly. " I'm hoping I can convince him. "

       " Oooh, Emma, " she chuckled. " I have rubbed off on you. "

       " Sara, " I gaped, " I'm not going to seduce him so he'll forgive me. Besides we're not having sex until next month. "

       " What? " Sara laughed in disbelief. " You've planned it? "

       " Yeah, " I admitted, my cheeks reddening. " We have a sex date for the night before prom. "

       Sara laughed harder. " You two kill me. How in the world can that be romantic, planning to have sex? Where's the lust and passion? "

       " You don't know Evan, " I spurted without thinking, then turned crimson when Sara's mouth dropped open. " Okay, what movie are we watching? "

           

 

       I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of her breath from the bed next to me, hoping it would lull me to sleep. Sara inhaled and exhaled in long easy breaths. I could predict the next draw of air. But then it stopped. I waited, but she didn't breathe in again.

       I opened my eyes and rolled over onto my back, listening intently. I inhaled quickly when the silhouette appeared next to my bed.

       " Sara? " I questioned. " Is something wrong? "

       She didn't move. Maybe she was sleepwalking. I propped myself up on my elbows, trying to focus on her and asked again, " Sara? "

       When my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized it wasn't her. I kicked my legs to remove the blankets, but the more I kicked, the more tangled they became in the bedding. Then I couldn't see. I'd sunk beneath the blankets and everything was dark. I pushed at the sheets but they sucked in tighter around me. Then she gripped my neck.

       I choked and coughed, trying to pull her hands away, but they were too strong. I kicked and shook my head from side to side to get out from under her claws, but it was no use.

       " You don't deserve to live, " she grunted.

       I grabbed onto her wrists and pried them loose, screaming, “You've already killed me! "

       My hands were on my throat when I woke. My breath was heavy and my heart was pounding fiercely. The room was dark and I could hear Sara breathing in the bed next to me. I pulled back the blankets and crept out of the room. Sleep and I weren't going to find each other tonight, and there was no point lying there, staring into the dark.

       I had my phone in my trembling hand when I sat on the couch in the rec room. I thought about calling Evan, but I knew it would just be another awkward conversation, and I didn't want to go through that twice in one day.

       I clicked on the television and turned down the volume so Sara wouldn't hear it. I started scanning the channels and stopped on an infomercial for a microfiber cloth that claimed to be able to clean a car, computer or boat by just adding water, streak free. I almost laughed out loud. After a minute of being sucked into the enthusiastic sales pitch, I picked up my phone.

       " I saw your infomercial, " I said as soon as I heard him pick up.

       " Just needs water, " he replied, a smile in his voice. " Been wondering how you've been sleeping. Thought you might be cured after all. "

       " Hardly, " I responded. " How about you? Been out on any dates lately? "

       " Not yet, " he chuckled. " Where are you? "

       " At Sara's. "

       " That's good. You're not going back, are you? "

       " No, " I replied quietly. " I'm not. Some things aren't fixable. "

       " I thought when I didn't hear from you that he may have made you stop talking to me. "

       I was puzzled by his assumption. " Evan's away right now. We haven't had a chance to talk yet. "

       " Oh, " Jonathan replied. " Then, should you be talking to me? "

       " Yeah, why not? We're friends, " I returned, bewildered. " Evan has girls who are friends too. You're not the reason things are off between us anyway. "

       " Do you want to talk about it? " Jonathan asked hesitantly.

       " No, " I whispered.

       After a moment of silence, he asked, “Do you want to hang out again? " Then he added quickly, “No cliffs this time. "

       I laughed. " Sure. We could do something tomorrow if you want. I have practice in the afternoon, but maybe after that. "

       " Yeah, I should be home from work by six. How about... ” he paused for a moment. " How about we get dinner or something? And I kind of have a something to share. "

       " Really? " I replied, intrigued. " Sure, just text me where to meet you. "

       " Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. " When I hung up, I realized my lips were turned up into a smile and my heart was beating a little faster.

           

 



  

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