PUBLISHED BY. Prologue

Barely Breathing

by Rebecca Donovan KINDLE EDITION

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PUBLISHED BY

Rebecca Donovan on Kindle Reason to Breathe Copyright © 2012 by Rebecca Donovan All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U. S Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Table of Contents

Prologue

1. Try Again

2. Fireworks

3. Still Loved

4. " Home"

5. People Change

6. Lifestyles

7. Social Life

8. Intensity

9. Just Not Right

10. Distraction

11. All Better

12. " F" Valentine's Day

13. Overreaction

14. Under the Surface

15. Another Chance

16. Ready?

17. Freaked

18. Story Time

19. Waiting for Friday

20. No Such Thing as " Normal"

21. Drama

22. Inside Out

23. Boundaries

24. Happy Birthday

25. All Over Again

26. Disappointment

27. Lines Blurred

28. To the Extreme

29. Fatherly Advice

30. Unexpected Future

31. What If

32. In the Woods

33. Consequences

34. Confessions

35. Everyone Hurts

36. Restless

37. Into a Nightmare

38. Covering Up

39. Breathe for Me

40. Honest Truth

41. Power of Suggestion

42. Something To Hold On To

43. Spontonaeity

44. In the End

Epilogue

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Prologue

Six months ago, I was dead. My heart didn't beat within my chest. Breath did not pass between my lips. Everything was gone, and I was dead.

It's not easy to think about, not existing― despite how much I fought to be forgettable all those years. So I've chosen not to think of it at all.

My therapist asked me to write down my thoughts and feelings in this journal. After months of avoiding the assignment, I figured I should try it once― then maybe I could finally get some sleep. I'm doubtful, but I'll try anything.

I don't honestly remember what happened that night. I get glimpses and moments of panic in my nightmares, but the details evade me. And I'm not looking to fill in the blanks.

I woke up in a hospital bed, barely able to talk, with dark bruises on my neck. There were bandages wrapped around my wrists to protect the raw skin. A sling supported my dislocated shoulder, and a cast concealed my ankle after reconstructive surgery. I don't know what I went through to end up that way. All I care about is that I'm breathing.

The police asked questions. The doctors asked questions. The lawyers asked questions. Whenever they'd start to talk about the details, I'd close them off, or leave the room. Evan and Sara promised to keep the details from me as well. They weren't there that night, but they were in the courtroom for the entire trial― as brief as it was.

Carol...

It’s so hard to even write her name. She pled guilty. I didn't have to see her. I didn't have to testify. I didn't have to listen to the witnesses’ testimonies. They summoned Sara and Evan, and I couldn't be there for that either― even though the lawyers requested my presence.

And George... from what little I overheard, he was there that night. He was the one who called the ambulance. They didn't press charges. I begged them not to. Leyla and Jack need their dad. And now… Now I don't even know where they are. ~~I hope they remember how much~~ Sorry. I can't. It hurts too much to think about them.

Sara and Evan have barely left my side since that night. I've tried to assure them that I'm okay, but they just have to look at the circles under my eyes to know that I'm not. In truth, I don't want to be alone.

There was some press, but it was a closed trial, and the records are sealed because I'm a minor (I'm pretty sure Sara's father had some influence over that too) ― so there wasn't much for the papers to write about.

The town exploded with news of the attempted murder, and you can only imagine what it was like to return to school, or to be seen anywhere in Weslyn. Whispers. Pointing. Eyes following me everywhere. I've become a morbid celebrity― the girl who survived death.

Even the teachers treat me differently, like they’re waiting for me to shatter. The small group that confronted me that day are especially wary. Their interference is what put the whole ordeal in motion. They'd made a call to the authorities before speaking with me, and then called George when I left the school.

Carol must have found out about their call to George, or maybe someone from the state contacted her to look into the allegations. Either way, she was desperate for me to disappear ― forever. But it doesn't matter what made her do it. She can't hurt me now.

I do hurt. I'm not going to deny that. Especially since no one will ever see this journal. My ankle will probably never be the same, and will remain a constant reminder of what I went through. I fought to recover, and despite the anticipated outcome, I returned to the soccer field four months later. At the beginning, I would cry in the shower after each practice and game. The pain was almost unbearable. But now I barely notice it.

Nothing looks the same anymore. Nothing feels the same. I'm not sure how to explain this to Sara and Evan. I don't know if they'd understand. I'm not sure that I do.

She wanted me dead.

I keep telling myself that's she's gone. She's in prison where she can stay for as long as forever, as far as I'm concerned. But I don't feel safe. Especially when I close my eyes each night and she's right there waiting for me.

I need to get out of Weslyn. Away from the stares. Away from the shadows that continue to haunt me. Away from the pain that paralyzes me when I least expect it. Six more months and all of it will be gone. I get to start again, with the two people I love most in the world.

Then again, my life is anything but predictable, and a lot can happen in six months.