Contents 4 страница

" I think that's fair enough, " I replied.

" That's actually where I met Sebastian. "

" Sebastian was in the army? " That revelation reminded me exactly how little I knew about the man who had stolen my heart.

" Briefly. " He gave a rueful shake of his head. " He was a terrible soldier, just like me. Too headstrong, too stubborn. I was his commanding officer, and it got to the point where I was forced to discharge him, but it seemed like such a waste. There was something special about him. I knew he was capable of doing great things, and the characteristics that made him unfit for duty made him perfect for Alpha. So I released him from service and nominated him for consideration to join the group. He was accepted, and now here we are. "

" I see, " I replied, trying to picture Sebastian in mud spattered combat fatigues. It was difficult. The suit and tie seemed almost like his second skin.

" What about you? Why'd you quit? " I continued.

" Well, obviously I had more important things to do here, " he deadpanned, nodding in the direction of the bedrooms.

I laughed. " Obviously. "

" Honestly though, I just kind of got tired. You'd think gaining rank would be a good thing, but by the last decade of my career, I dreaded it. Every promotion meant a little more time spent behind a desk, a little more paperwork. There was nothing to look forward to, anymore. "

" And so your solution was to drive your proté gé e around, day in and day out? " I asked.

He shrugged. " It may not seem particularly exciting, but the truth is, there's rarely a dull moment around here. "

Thinking back on everything that had happened in the last few days, I could see his point. If this sort of stuff was a regular occurrence, I wasn't sure my heart could keep up. Another point against Sebastian and I ever having a real relationship. Thinking about it gave me a newfound respect for military wives. The prospect of my partner constantly venturing into indescribable danger was daunting, to say the least. I didn't know how they coped.

" Is it always like this? " I asked. " Kidnappings and secret lairs? "

He smiled. " Sometimes, but not as often as you'd think. These are pretty dire circumstances. Most of the time it's more like being a politician; lots of paperwork and meetings. "

" So Sebastian just has impeccable timing then. "

Joe stared at me for several seconds. " Don't be too hard on him, Sophia. He didn't mean for any of this to happen. "

I let out a long breath and shook my head slightly. " I know, but it doesn't change the fact that it did. "

" Not to downplay what you've been through at all, but to be honest, I think he's dealing with it as badly as you are. Like I said, I was there when he got the news. I've never seen anything like it before. He could barely speak. Everyone seemed to take it as anger, but I know him better than most. I knew it for what it really was. Fear.

" He wanted to throw everything we had at that house the moment they took you there, but that's not how the group works. You can't just use Alpha resources for personal situations, no matter how serious they may be. " His lips compressed. " They argued for hours. Virtually the whole room was against him. Eventually, he realised they weren't going to budge, but rather than back down, he just stormed out and came for you anyway. Took an entire squad of our troops. To be honest, I'm kind of glad nobody physically stepped in to stop him. I have little doubt he'd have gone by himself, if he had to.

" For now, nobody is doing anything about it. We've got too much else to worry about. But if I know that group, he hasn't heard the last of it. Not by a long shot. " His gaze bored into me. " I understand that this was hell for you, I really do, but Sebastian did everything in his power to make up for what happened. He put himself at risk to save you, so maybe cut him a little slack, hey? "

My mouth felt impossibly dry. I knew Sebastian had been distraught at my kidnapping, but this cast it in an entirely new light. He hadn't simply been cleaning up an Alpha group mess. If anything, he'd been doing the opposite. He'd actively put my safety above the interests of his brothers. He'd broken the rules for me. I didn't know what it meant — was it a temporary lapse or a permanent statement? — but it made me warm all over. My mind was suddenly racing with possibilities.

" I didn't know, " I said eventually.

" Well, now you do, " he said with a nod.

" Will he be in serious trouble? "

" I don't know. Time will tell. But, in the past, such actions have been... frowned upon, let's just say. "

Something about the way he said gave me the impression it was more serious than he was letting on.

I weighed his words. Were Sebastian's actions enough to overcome all of the lies and the secrets? I didn't know. I still had so many questions.

" Liv's death, " I said carefully.

His expression turned grim. " Now that was a hell of a thing. "

" Sebastian said nobody really knows what happened. Is that true? "

Despite his age, he was still sharp. He saw my implication instantly. " You're wondering if he should have expected this? " He shook his head. " No, nobody could have seen this coming. He blames himself for Liv, but the reality is it was just a case of wrong place, wrong time. "

" But if there was nothing to worry about, why did he leave someone outside my place? "

" Paranoia I suspect. You have to understand, Sebastian took that hard, harder than anything I've seen, until you disappeared. He feels like if he hadn't ended things with her, if he'd found some way to make the relationship work, perhaps things would have been different. "

I blinked in surprise. " Ended things? He told me they were engaged. "

" Ah, " he said with a wince. " I'm sorry. I assumed he'd told you the whole story. Technically he didn't lie; they were engaged. Several of us tried to warn him of the dangers of such big secrets in a marriage, but it's hard to argue with love. Of course, it became progressively easier as she began to get suspicious. She was a bit of a computer guru, you see. Was being headhunted by all kinds of A-list companies, but they wanted her to move overseas and Sebastian couldn't, so she turned them down. Anyway, one day, Sebastian left his laptop open at an Alpha login portal. To most people that wouldn't mean much, but to a girl like her, it was a beacon. Soon, she was digging up all manner of strange info. It wasn't enough to tell her anything concrete, but it told her he was hiding something. "

He took a long sip from his mug. " So, she confronted him. They argued and she gave him an ultimatum. "

" And he chose the group, " I finished.

He nodded slowly. " Although 'chose' might be a little generous. This isn't the sort of thing you can just walk away from. A few people have managed over the years, but it requires an immense amount of planning and a willingness to drop totally off the grid. Not exactly an appealing prospect for an up and coming IT whiz. "

" I guess not. " It was a lot to take in. I couldn't help but notice all the parallels. As well as the one big difference. Sebastian had initially chosen the group this time too but, when push came to shove, he'd picked me.

" Anyway, " Joe said, dragging himself to his feet, " it's time to take these old bones to bed. It's been lovely chatting with you, Sophia. "

" Goodnight. "

He moved to leave, but paused in the doorway. " I hope that whatever comes of all this, you find some peace. "

" Me too, " I replied.

CHAPTER SIX

Sophia

I intended to head back to my room but, instead, I found myself walking right past the door and continuing up the hallway. Something told me that Sebastian would still be awake. I didn't know exactly why I wanted to see him, only that I did.

My instincts proved accurate. I found him sitting at a desk in his room, hunched over a laptop screen. The door was open, but he didn't appear to notice me, so for a while I simply stood and watched. He looked tired. No, that wasn't the right word. Haggard was more appropriate. A man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Even now, just the sight of him sent a tingle curling through me. A surge of lust, but there was something deeper too, something comforting and strong that blossomed in my stomach like a sunrise. It made the prospect of seeing him again exciting, no matter how often it happened. I was beginning to think that feeling would never go away.

I tried to put myself in his shoes; impossible obligations pulling at me from all sides. Would I have reacted differently? Would I have continued our relationship, knowing the world I was exposing him to? I didn't know. It felt like a position where there were no right moves.

" I know what you did for me, " I said eventually.

He flinched at the sound of my voice, his hand darting towards the desk drawer, although he stopped when he recognised me. " Christ, Sophia. Sneaking up on people at four o'clock in the morning in this particular house is a really, really bad idea. "

" Sorry. "

He studied me. I could tell that part of him simply wanted to send me away. Every conversation between us now was difficult, strangled by guilt and uncertainty. But eventually he spoke. " What do you mean, what I did for you? "

" The way you stood up to your brothers when no one else wanted to help rescue me. "

He waved dismissively. " Ah, that. It's not a big deal. "

" That's not what Joe said. He said it was quite the argument. "

I walked inside and sat on the surface of the desk. Sebastian was close enough to reach out and touch now, and I had to resist the urge to do just that. I was doing a good job of keeping my fear at bay, but that didn't mean it had fled. It still simmered inside me, waiting for another opportunity to boil over, and the prospect of facing that alone was almost too daunting to consider. Just being near him soothed my shredded nerves.

" You broke the rules for me, " I continued. " In a pretty big way, from what I understand. "

His gaze was hard, radiating intensity. I could almost feel the conflict playing out inside him. " What else could I have done, Sophia? I couldn't let them take you. "

" I thought the group came first. "

He hesitated, then shook his head slowly. " So did I. "

We sat in silence for a few moments. I think we both knew what was coming. We couldn't avoid discussing our relationship forever. I was still afraid to do so, lest that wound tear open inside me again, but knowing what he'd done gave me a glimmer of hope. Maybe, somehow, there was a way through this.

" Sebastian, I—"

" Don't, " he said, rising to his feet and putting some distance between us. " We can't do this, Sophia. " His voice was sharp, almost pained.

" I have to know, " I replied. " What does all of this mean for us? "

He stormed towards me and I jolted backwards. " There is no us. There can't be. You've seen the sort of life I lead. How can you even ask that? "

" I don't know, " I said softly. " But I'm asking all the same. "

He closed his eyes and swept a hand through his hair. " I nearly got you killed. I don't understand how you're even still talking to me. "

A few days ago, I might have agreed with him. Logically I knew I still should. But logic had always taken a back seat where he was concerned. Yes he'd kept things from me, but I now appreciated the full weight of those secrets. Everything he'd done spoke of how much he cared for me, and I couldn't deny that my emotions burned just as strongly. I could hold the situation against him, or I could move on and try to build something to go back to, after it was over.

" I don't blame you, Sebastian. I did in the beginning, but I don't now. You couldn't have known. Yeah, if I hadn't met you, none of this would have happened, but then I'd never have met you and, the truth is, that thought terrifies me far more than any of this. "

He stared at me with wide eyes, his expression hovering somewhere between anguish and awe. " How do you do that? " he asked. It was barely more than a whisper. " No matter what I do, no matter how sure I am, you say just the right thing to make me question myself. "

A smile crept onto my face. " I'm just that talented, I guess. "

His expression softened a fraction, but it didn't last long. " I can't keep making these mistakes, Sophia. It's too dangerous. Sure, I saved you this time, but what about next time? Or the time after? This life offers no guarantees. I won't give it another opportunity to claim you. "

" So that's it, then? I don't even get a say? " Moisture rushed to my eyes. " Don't my feelings count for anything? "

" Of course they count, " he lamented, although he didn't seem to know how to finish the sentence.

" So if we never had a chance, why tell me all those things then? " I asked. " Why bring me into your world? Why slip into my room at night and comfort me like nothing has changed? "

He shook his head desperately. " I don't know. I don't know. "

For a few moments there was silence.

" Do you remember what you said to me over dinner, the first time we went out? " I asked eventually. " 'Nothing worth having comes risk free. ' Well, that's how I feel now. " I got to my feet and moved over to him, taking his hands in mine. " I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions. I understand the risks, and I'm telling you I'm okay with them. I love you, Sebastian, and if that's the price for being with you, then it's one I'm willing to pay. The question is, are you? "

The surge of emotion on his face mirrored my own. That was the first time I'd said the L word out loud to him. It hadn't been intentional, but the moment it left my lips I knew it was true. It was so perfectly right. I could feel it down to my bones.

He closed his eyes momentarily. " You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that. But not now. Not now! " Pulling his hands free, he turned away. " I don't know if I can keep fighting this, Sophia. It hurts too much. Seeing you every day, not being able to hold you or kiss you or love you. It's ruining me. "

" So stop fighting. "

For a few seconds, I thought I'd lost him again, but then he was spinning and his lips were crashing into mine.

I'd never been kissed like that, not even by him. In that gesture, I could feel every ounce of his guilt, his pain, his love, and I found myself kissing back just as ferociously, my own torrent of emotions thundering through my chest. The joy I felt was almost enough to make me weep.

In a few seconds, he'd worked my track pants free and lifted me back onto the desk. No words were necessary. Desperation and longing burned brighter than the sun in both of us. I needed that connection, that perfect affirmation that said more than words ever could.

I was dimly aware that the door was still open, but nothing in the world could have stopped us at that moment. We were utterly lost in one another. With raw hunger, he yanked his fly down, freeing his shaft, and then buried himself inside me. My skin burned with the suddenness of it, but I didn't care at all. I savoured the pain because it came from him, a stinging symbol of the bond between us.

He moved slowly, coaxing my body to life around him with gentle thrusts. I mewed softly against his mouth, feeling myself grow slick, but he didn't break the kiss. He devoured me, drawing my lips tenderly between his teeth and stroking them with his tongue. His hands found my legs, looping under my knees to lift them higher, allowing him to sheathe himself in me all the way to the root.

Finally he pulled away, only to bury his head against my neck. " Say it again, " he whispered, teasing me with a slow rocking motion.

" I love you, " I breathed.

" And I love you, " he replied.

And then he was moving in me again, his mouth tracing fire across my collarbone, sending my capacity for speech spiralling away. His thrusts strengthened as the animal in him gradually broke free of its cage. He snarled against my chin, one hand slipping between my legs to find my clit, sending a new chord of ecstasy thrumming through me.

His lovemaking was different now. Every time before, I'd seen a new side of him; sometimes dominant, sometimes soft, sometimes hungry, but this was all of those things together; fierce strength combined with loving tenderness. I felt like I was finally getting all of him, no more shields, no more secrets, he was finally letting it all go, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever experienced. In that moment I knew that I was his and he was mine.

As his rhythm reached its crescendo, the pressure building in my core began to swell. I wrapped my hands around his neck, fingers digging into his flesh, his body tightening in time with mine as we came together.

" God, I've missed you, " he said, laying his forehead against mine as we caught our breath. Standing there above me, dishevelled and bathed in sweat, he looked absolutely radiant.

I nuzzled my nose against his. " Me too. "

We moved over to the bed and lay, for a while, in each other's arms. The bliss I felt in that moment almost made it possible to forget everything that had happened; we were just an ordinary couple, snuggling together, after making love.

" I love you, " I said again, turning to stare him in the eyes.

He smiled. " I'll never get sick of hearing that. " His expression slipped a little, and I knew we were about to come hurtling back to reality. " I hate to break the moment, but we aren't done talking. If we're really going to do this, there's some things we need to think about. "

" Okay, " I replied cautiously, half afraid he was going to go off the deep end again.

He took his time choosing his words. " Even when we get through whatever is going on right now, I don't know exactly how we make this work. " He raised his hand to cut off my objections. " I'm not saying we don't try. I can't deny this anymore, Sophia. I love you, and for some stupid reason you appear to return the feeling. "

" I'm a slow learner, I guess, " I replied.

He shot me a half smile. " The fact is, you're here and you're involved and you know things you shouldn't know. And my brothers... some of them are already worried about you. They're distracted now, but when things settle down, and we're still together, they're going to start asking questions of their own, and I don't think they're going to like the answers. "

I'd been wondering about that. I may have been saved from immediate danger, but the longer I spent in the Alpha house, the more I realised that I wasn't as safe as I'd thought. I couldn't just forget everything I'd seen, and these people knew it. " So what do we do? "

He shook his head. " I don't know. "

" You kind of make it sound like we're doomed, no matter what. "

" No, no, that's not what I meant. " He exhaled sharply. " I'll figure something out. For now, we just need to tread carefully. We both know a lot of people don't approve of your presence here, so let's not give them any reason to take it further. "

Once again I felt an uneasy feeling settle in my stomach. " Are you sure about the people who kidnapped me? " I asked carefully. " Because if there's any chance it was someone here, we might wind up playing right into their hands. "

" I'm sure, " he said firmly. " These men are my brothers. Besides, whoever took you also killed Charlie and Simon. Nobody here would do that. "

His certainty put my mind at ease; well, as at ease as was possible with some kind of rogue terror group trying to kidnap me. " You've used the word 'council' a few times, " I said, spotting another chance to sate my curiosity, " is that like the Alpha board or something? I've been trying to work out how you make your decisions. "

His jaw tightened a fraction. " I'm not sure I should talk about that. "

" Oh come on. They're already going to be super angry if they find out what you've told me so far, right? So how much worse can it get? "

He hesitated, but eventually gave a resigned smile. " I guess you have a point. Yeah, in a nutshell, the council runs things in this area; it's in control of the Asia Pacific region. Other regions are run by different groups. "

" And you're on it? "

He nodded. " Almost everyone here is, except the muscle, drivers, and house staff. "

" So that makes you kind of a big deal, then? " I asked with a grin.

He laughed. " Kind of. "

It made sense. I struggled to picture Sebastian anywhere but the top of the ladder, regardless of what he was doing.

" So it's like a democracy? You all just vote on everything? "

" Yes and no. For most decisions, the whole council has a say, but ultimately there still needs to be a figurehead, to settle disputes and keep the group operating smoothly. The official title is Archon. "

" Archon? " I said, raising an eyebrow.

He shrugged. " Blame the Greeks. We're stuck with it now. "

I laughed. " And who is this Archon? "

His face took on a strange expression. " I don't know. "

" You don't know? " I said slowly. " How can you not know? "

" It's a secret, even amongst the group. The heads of each cell have an immense amount of power. For example, they're the only people with access to the full list of Alpha personnel worldwide. If that sort of power fell into the wrong hands, the damage would be catastrophic. So they stay hidden, just in case. "

I licked my lips as I tried to process this. " But how does that work? "

" Well, the council has sixteen members, one of whom is in charge. By all appearances, they are just a regular member of the group. Anything that requires their attention as the Archon is dealt with through the Alpha computer network. The commands come anonymously, so nobody but the Archon and their lieutenant know the source. "

" Lieutenant? "

He nodded. " The Archon chooses a second in command, someone to take over if anything happens to them. They're like a backup. Otherwise, there would be no way to choose a new leader when the existing one dies. The lieutenant is the only other person that knows who runs the show. It's a little eccentric, I know, but it works. "

" I was going to say paranoid, actually. "

" Maybe that too. We didn't always do things this way, but about five hundred years ago, one of our enemies managed to infiltrate the group and, through the Archon, they learned everything. We lost hundreds of members and years of progress. So we devised a system to stop that happening again. "

It all seemed incredibly mysterious, but then again, that was true of the entire situation. Besides, on some level, that just added to the coolness of it all. I was basically living in a conspiracy theory!

I couldn't help but smile as the full implication of what he'd said sank in. " So, when you said you didn't know, was that you telling the truth, or you toeing the company line? "

" That was me telling you I didn't know, " he replied, a twinkle in his eye.

" Right. But if you were in charge, I'm guessing you probably wouldn't tell me anyway, right? "

There was a twinkle in his eye when he replied. " Perhaps not. I need to keep some secrets, Sophia. "

I sighed dramatically. " I suppose that's fair. Well then, mister councilman, what do we do now? "

I'd intended us to talk a little more about the problems we faced, but apparently he had something else in mind. In response he gently rolled me away from him, then pulling me close until we were spooning. Although I still wore my top, I was naked from the waist down, and the position pressed my bare ass against the growing hardness between his legs. I felt my body stir again.

" Now, we make up for lost time, " he replied, his voice growing husky.

And despite the weight of the discussion we'd just had, he quickly convinced me that that was exactly what I wanted to do.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Sophia

The next few days were a mixture of frustration and joy. By night, I had Sebastian back. We ate together, we talked, and we spent a great deal of time reacquainting ourselves with each other's bodies. Although it hadn't been that long since we'd been intimate, it felt like I was discovering him for the first time all over again.

However, while the sun was up, things were different. As much as we both wanted to just shut ourselves away and ignore everything, the fact was, Sebastian still had a job to do. The threat — whatever it was — wouldn't disappear on its own. If we wanted any hope for some kind of normality in the future, we had to take action.

Or should I say, he had to take action. Although he tried to keep me in the loop, my involvement was strictly second hand. There was no way for me to attend their meetings without putting us both at risk. He'd return to his room, which was now our room, and brief me on what had happened that day. They had a few leads, but so far they'd hit nothing but brick walls. Aside from that they apparently spent most of the time fighting about what the next step was.

I tried to amuse myself while he was gone, but it was hard. I wasn't used to being left to my own devices. I hadn't had more than a few days to myself since high school. It didn't help that I was confined to quarters. Until things were safe, Sebastian insisted I did not leave the building. I read a lot and watched more TV than I had in my entire life, but within a few days I felt dangerously close to breaking point. I began having visions of myself as one of those creepy old ladies in Victorian period dramas, who can be seen haunting the windows of ancient manor houses, but never venture out into open air.

Then there was the tension with the group members. Ewan and his cronies continued to make sure I was aware how unwelcome I was. It wasn't outright aggression, but the dark looks and biting remarks told me exactly how they felt.

" Have they said anything about us? " I asked Sebastian, after a particularly bad day.

He frowned and shook his head. " No, actually, they've been strangely silent. "

" So that's good, right? "

" I guess, " he replied, although he didn't sound convinced.

Most of the others didn't seem to know how to react to me, so they simply ignored my presence. And Joe, the only one I assumed might have talked to me, had gone overseas to attend to some family problem. I felt a little like a ghost, floating unseen and unacknowledged, around that buzzing house.

After several days, my boredom got the better of me and I went in search of a computer. I figured that if I had to kill time, I could at least do it laughing at cats with hilarious facial expressions. Sebastian had a laptop, but he carried it with him during the day. I'd seen a few desktops scattered around the building, and nobody ever seemed to be using them, so I didn't think anyone would mind.