Contents 3 страница

From the moment Liv and I became something more than a casual fling, part of me had felt uneasy about it. There's no hard and fast rules about relationships within the group. As long as our secrets remain hidden, you're allowed to do whatever you want. Most Alpha members simply choose to forgo that kind of companionship to make their lives easier, and I'd been firmly in that camp. Then I met her.

Liv had a vibrancy to her that was completely infectious. I'd never known anyone like her. She was passionate and energetic, and she seemed to genuinely care about me for more than just my money. In retrospect, I could recognise more than a little youthful infatuation in our relationship, but at the time it felt like something deeper. A little voice in the back of my head constantly told me that I was leading her down a dangerous road, but I was too selfish to stop. I don't know why I was surprised when it blew up in my face. Even if her death was an accident, I still broke her heart, and I hated myself for that. I swore I'd never be responsible for that sort of pain again.

But now there was Sophia. If my attraction to Liv was the firm pull of a magnet, my attraction to Sophia was like gravity; unyielding and inescapable. Something about her just rendered me utterly powerless. From the moment I met her, I felt like I was trapped in a whirlpool, swimming in vain against the current as it gradually sucked me down. It scared me. It felt like only a matter of time before it drowned us both.

" Either way, " I said, " I still put Sophia in danger. You're not going to try and absolve me of that one too are you? "

He sighed. " Just because you're involved doesn't make it your fault. "

I wished I could believe that. He was just being a good friend, but no amount of support could fix this.

I gazed around at the roomful of men I'd given my life to. From the moment I joined the group, they'd been the world to me. Even when I was with Liv, I'd never considered a different path. " Do you ever regret all this? " I asked, my tone softening. " Because I have to say, right now, for the first time, I'm actually starting to doubt my choice. "

He flashed a sympathetic smile. " I think we've all felt like that, at one time or another. This isn't an easy road, by any means. But you know how important it is. "

I nodded, though it was more for him than me. Truth be told, I wasn't sure I knew what was important anymore. Nothing made sense now.

A few minutes later, everyone had arrived. We took our seats.

" So, " said Ewan, " give me some good news. " Although he wasn't in charge in any real sense, as the longest serving member, he ran the meetings. He was also the most visibly upset person in the room. Sunken eyes spoke of sleepless nights, and his hands roved restlessly across the table, as if just staying in motion might somehow speed things up. The two men we'd lost, Simon and Charlie, had been close friends of his.

Marcus, the youngest member of the group, grimaced. He was our point of contact for the investigation. " We don't know much more than yesterday, unfortunately. Our guys went over every inch of Simon's house, but it was the same as Charlie's. No signs of forced entry, security footage wiped. Whoever it was did one hell of a job. "

" What about the autopsy? " asked Thomas.

" Still coming, " replied Marcus. He glanced at Ewan. " He didn't go gently, though, I can tell you that much. "

Ewan slammed his fist down on the table. " I'll make sure you don't go gently, you little shit. "

" I don't mean to be disrespectful, " replied Marcus, looking a little pale. " But it's important. This wasn't just about taking them out. Someone went to a lot of effort working them over, which means that, chances are, they wanted to know something. "

" Were the two of them working on any projects together? " I asked. " Anything tying them together? "

But before Marcus could reply, Ewan cut in. " Well, look who has decided to rejoin us, " he said, making a big show of looking surprised to see me. " Does that mean you're ready to focus on what's important again? "

" I'm sorry about my absence last night, " I replied, trying to remain calm. " I had other things on my mind. " He was right to be angry, and if I'd been in his position, I'd have reacted the same way. I had an obligation to these men, an obligation that couldn't just be cast aside on a whim. But the suggestion that anything was more important than finding Sophia made everything inside me tense.

" That's exactly my fucking point, " the older man replied. " We've got a major crisis going on, and your head isn't in the game. It's busy burying itself between a pretty pair of thighs. "

Thomas' hand flew out, firmly holding me in my chair. He knew me well. Rage poured through me. " If you keep talking like that, " I said, my voice sharp enough to cut glass, " the group will be down another member before too long. "

" Is that right? " Ewan asked. He didn't look even slightly perturbed. " You'd put her before one of your own? You're even further gone than I thought. "

Guilt and anger seethed in my stomach. Ewan and I had never gotten along, and I knew most of his aggression was just frustration at the loss of his friends, but there was a tiny part of me that thought he might be right. Perhaps my priorities really had changed. " Why do you care so much what I do? "

He laughed. " You flatter yourself. Honestly, Sebastian, I don't give two shits what you do. But what I do care about is you using Alpha resources to rescue your girlfriend when they could be out there finding the bastards that did Simon and Charlie in. "

I opened my mouth, unsure exactly what I was going to say, but Thomas jumped in ahead of me. " You still don't think there's a connection there, Ewan? The people that took Sophia were organised, efficient, and clearly backed by some serious money. Exactly the sort of operation that might have been able to take out our guys. "

Ewan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. " That doesn't prove anything. "

" That's true, " Thomas said, " but it is a pretty big coincidence, and I, personally, don't care much for coincidences. In any case, we have very little idea what's going on here yet. Let's not lose our heads until we know more. "

Ewan seethed in his chair for a few moments. " Maybe you're right. Maybe. But you want to hear what I know already? I know that the group is under attack, and yet there's a civilian girl walking around in our headquarters, seeing everything, overhearing God knows what. " He turned his gaze to me and raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, as if to say, 'Or being told God knows what. '

" Where do you want her to go? " I asked, desperation creeping into my voice. " You know the kinds of people we deal with. Sending her back out there may well be a death sentence. "

For a moment, I thought I'd gotten through, but then Ewan's expression hardened further. " I don't know, but she doesn't belong here. "

" For now, I say she does, " Thomas said. " At least until we know what we're up against. Someone wants her, and if it is the same people who did that to Simon and Charlie, then it's in our best interests to deny them what they want, wouldn't you say? "

Ewan glared around the table. Several others seemed to share his disapproval, but nobody could come up with a counter. It was hard to argue in the face of sound logic.

I shot Thomas an appreciative smile. " I'll make sure she stays out of everyone's hair, " I said to Ewan.

He nodded curtly, and the meeting turned to other matters. Despite my best intentions, however, I couldn't focus. All I could think about were Ewan's words. In truth, he was right. Bringing her here had been a mistake. Even if I'd told her nothing, her curiosity would eventually have gotten the best of her. The moment she'd walked through those doors, everything had changed. But all other paths led to the unthinkable. I didn't know what other option I'd had. It was a no win scenario.

* * * * *

I spent the rest of the day alone in my room, trying a few more abstract methods to identify Sophia's kidnappers, but the truth was, it was mostly a waiting game at this point. All the information we had was already out there. We were just waiting for someone to get back to us with something positive. It was incredibly frustrating. We had all the power in the world at our fingertips, and we were still coming up empty.

At about five in the evening, there was a knock at my door.

" You got a minute? " asked Marcus, poking his head inside. It had ruffled a few feathers that we had promoted him to the council so quickly, but despite being relatively young, he was a really promising member; the perfect combination of smart and level-headed.

" Sure, what's up? " I said.

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. " Well, I just got something back from the lab, and I thought you should be the first to know. "

I felt a tingle of excitement. Maybe we'd finally caught our break. " Tell me you've got a name for me, " I said.

He licked his lips nervously. " Not exactly. Our guys are still trying to run down who exactly owns that house you raided. Whoever it is laid one hell of a paper trail. What we did get was a match on some blood we found in one of the rooms there. " He hesitated ever so slightly. " It belonged to Simon. "

I sank back slowly into my chair. Thomas had been right, the two situations were linked. I wasn't surprised — the coincidence was difficult to ignore — but knowing for sure only made our predicament more confusing. Why would anyone go to pains to kill two of my brothers, but then take Sophia instead of me? All I could think of was that they wanted leverage over me somehow, but I couldn't imagine what for. It was baffling.

" I appreciate you telling me first, " I said.

" No problem. The others called a pre-dinner meeting, but I kind of figured you might not show. "

I nodded. " Yeah, I might sit this one out. You've given me a lot to think about. " As much as I wanted to be there to see Ewan's face when the connection was confirmed, I didn't particularly feel like wading back into that minefield just yet.

" No worries. I'll keep you posted. "

" Thanks. "

I sat for a while after he left, pondering the new discovery. As frightening as the situation was, in some ways that connection was a good thing. Whatever our enemies were planning, Sophia was obviously a part of it, and so rescuing her had likely thrown a spanner in the works. And since we now had just a single target, I could feel comfortable directing the full brunt of Alpha's resources at the problem.

It was little progress, but I knew Sophia would want to hear about it anyway. I found her in her room, curled up on the bed, nursing a cup of tea and staring at the wall.

" Hey, " she said, as I entered.

" Hi. " Our conversations were uncomfortable now, like the lies and secrets had piled up to form an invisible barrier in the air between us. It was what I wanted, it was what we needed, but it still hurt like hell.

" How are you holding up? "

She shrugged. " As well as can be expected, I guess. There's not much to do around here. " She held up her mug and gave it a little shake. " Although this tea addiction I'm developing looks promising. This is my fifth cup today. "

" That stuff will kill you, " I said, managing a small smile.

She returned it, and something loosened in my chest. " So they tell me. Anyway, how's the big investigation? Assassinate any presidents today? "

" Not that I know of, although that's not my department, " I replied. I was glad she was still able to find humour in the situation. Maybe she wasn't quite as damaged by it all as I'd feared. " I did get one small piece of info, though. "

She gazed at me expectantly. " Yeah? "

" They found a few bloodstains in that house you were being held in. Our lab just matched it with Simon, one of my brothers who was killed. "

Her expression grew tense once more. " I see. I guess the connection makes sense. Does that help you find out who's behind it? "

I shook my head. " We're still coming up empty on that, so far. But now that we know the investigations are linked, we'll be throwing everything we have at it. "

She nodded, although she didn't look particularly comforted. " Okay. "

" There's something else I wanted to talk to you about, " I said, moving over to sit next to her on the bed. " I know this situation is awful for you, and God knows that being in this place isn't making it any easier. "

" You mean the friendly Scotsman and his band of merry men? " she said.

" Yeah. I know they're not the most welcoming lot, so I was thinking, what if you went away for a while? We have the resources to get you a new passport, a new identity, and obviously money isn't a problem. You could go wherever you wanted, and nobody would be able to track you down. It would be kind of like a holiday. "

Part of me hated the idea of sending her anywhere I couldn't watch over her, but my argument with Ewan had got me thinking about alternatives. Her presence here was certainly problematic, and it wasn't going to get any easier. In fact with everyone on such short fuses, it felt almost inevitable that something would explode eventually. This wasn't a world she belonged in, and taking a trip was the only way I could think of to extricate her while still keeping her safe.

" And how long would I be gone, exactly? " she asked, her expression unreadable.

" You know I can't give you an exact time frame, Sophia. "

I thought she was going to blow up at me, but when she spoke, her tone was calm. " I appreciate the offer, but I have a life here, Sebastian. The idea of dropping everything and disappearing with no return date in mind doesn't sit well with me. "

I closed my eyes, feeling a huge stab of guilt. Whether or not she went, her life was on hold. She could hardly wander back home in a few weeks if our enemies were still out there.

" Just think about it, okay? " I said.

" Okay. "

She continued to stare at me. There was a sadness to her expression, but also a glimmer of something else, something questioning. I realised then how closely we were sitting. There was barely a foot separating us. Her smell — orange blossom and vanilla — suddenly seemed to be everywhere. All I had to do was lean in and my mouth would be on hers. I could already visualise how she'd taste, how she'd tremble, how her tongue would feel curled around my own.

I knew I should leave, but my muscles refused to obey. All I could do was sit there and drink her in. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to grab hold of her and push her down and show her that she was still mine. But, of course, that wasn't true.

I didn't understand why she hadn't sent me away yet. Instead she just sat with her eyes locked to mine, her lips hanging ever so slightly open, like an illicit invitation. There was something smoky lurking in her gaze now, something that shouldn't have been there.

It was almost enough.

Closing my eyes, I sucked in a shuddering breath and got to my feet. " I have to go. "

She was still for a few seconds, then nodded slowly. For a brief moment, I almost thought she looked disappointed. It didn't make any sense.

I fled.

I needed to be alone with my thoughts, but as I headed for my room, I ran into the last person I wanted to see.

" Sneaking in a quickie while the rest of us are slaving away, hey? " said Ewan, who was waiting for me around the corner.

" I'm not in the mood, Ewan, " I said, trying to swerve around him, but he stepped sideways, blocking my path.

" Maybe I am, " he said.

I found myself fuming at his school boy antics. " Have you got something you want to say? "

He chewed thoughtfully for several seconds, as if working an invisible piece of tobacco around his mouth. " Marcus filled us in on what he'd found. Looks like your girl is involved in all this, somehow. "

" Does that mean you're going to get off my back about it? "

He laughed. " Hardly. Just because you went and created a weak spot for yourself doesn't mean the group should have to clean up after you. Having her here is a liability. We don't know her and we don't trust her. "

" I trust her. "

" Do you? " he asked, bitter amusement evident in his voice. " Perhaps that's the problem. "

I took a step closer, feeling something animal flare in my chest. " What's that supposed to mean? "

But Ewan was not easily intimidated. " It means that something here doesn't add up, " he said, staring me right in the eyes. " Nobody outside of Alpha should even know the council exists. Yet a month or two after you start swapping promise rings with Ally McBeal in there, suddenly our guys start dying. "

" You're joking, right? Did you forget that they took her too? "

He gave a little shrug. " Maybe they were just finishing the job. Cleaning up loose ends. "

It took every fibre of my being not to knock him to the floor. My hands twitched at my sides, both balled tightly into fists. But I was already walking on thin ice as it was. Hitting him would only make things worse.

" This is ridiculous, " I said.

" Maybe. Maybe I'm way off. But either way, there's no excuse for breaking the rules. "

I stared at him with gritted teeth. There was nothing I could say. He was right and we both knew it.

Not knowing what else to do, I moved to leave again. This time he didn't try to stop me. He'd gotten his message across. Sophia's presence here was more than an inconvenience, and it was only a matter of time before she was out on her own.

CHAPTER FIVE

Sophia

The second night was a little better than the first, but not much. More than once I woke flushed and sweating, the sharp tang of my latest nightmare still fresh on the back of my tongue. I wondered if this was post-traumatic stress. Based on what little I knew, it certainly seemed possible. I'd never understood how you couldn't just block that stuff out, but now I did.

Part of me expected Sebastian to magically appear once more and slip into my bed like a comforting ghost, but the door remained closed. I found myself disappointed about that. It seemed crazy to think about the prospect of 'us', in the context of everything that was happening, but no matter how terrified and out of my depth I felt, there was no denying the strength of my feelings for him. Not to mention my attraction. The energy that had sprung up between us when he'd visited earlier had nearly overwhelmed me. He had this way of looking at my body, like he was preparing to devour me, that ignited something deep in my stomach. I wanted to be angry — hell I was angry — but if, at that moment, he'd kissed me, I wasn't sure I'd have put up a fight.

I didn't know whether to be touched or offended at the 'holiday' he'd offered. It did feel a little like he was just taking the easy route and trying to sweep me under the rug, but at the same time, everything he said was valid. Things were uncomfortable here, and I knew it must be just as bad for him. I appreciated the predicament he was in, even if it was somewhat his fault. I just wished I wasn't in it as well.

More than once I considered agreeing to go. An all-expenses paid trip overseas was hardly the worst proposition in the world; but, truth be told, the idea of being out there all alone scared me. My life was here and it was under siege. I couldn't just run away while somebody else dealt with that.

After several hours of restless turning, I gave up trying to sleep and reached for my phone. Sebastian hadn't mentioned it, but when I woke up that morning, I found a few of my possessions waiting for me in the hallway outside. Apparently he'd sent someone to my house.

It was a good thing too, because there were already several texts from the girls waiting for me. Another day or two and they'd have started to worry.

Ruth: Hey Hon'. Hope the wallowing is going well. If you need another pick-me-up, I'm willing to take one for the team and suffer through a few more midday mojitos. Let me know.

I'd read them over and over today, relishing that tiny connection to my old life. It had been less than two days, but somehow that's what it felt like now: my old life. At a time where everything else was in ruins, it was nice to be reminded I still had someone waiting for me when this was all over. If it ever would be.

I'd already reassured them both I was fine, conjuring up some story about visiting my sister down in Melbourne for a little mental recharge, but as I stared at the screen now, I was nearly overcome with the desire to call them and tell them everything. It was a terrible idea, but curled up there, in the unfamiliar dark, surrounded by people I barely knew with agendas I couldn't even fathom, I felt so incredibly alone.

After staring for a few precarious seconds, my thumb poised over Ruth's number, I shoved the phone back into my bedside drawer and headed out in search of tea. What I really wanted was something a little more numbing — I figured a house like this had to have a wine cellar — but drinking away my problems probably wasn't the best option right now. I needed to stay alert. The world seemed to have turned into a much more dangerous place, virtually overnight, and in this dimension of secret societies and covert kidnappings, waking up with a killer hangover might have a different meaning entirely.

I had no idea how to process everything Sebastian had told me. Part of me wanted to laugh it off as an absurd joke, something dug out of a bad eighties espionage film, but taking into account everything that I'd seen, I believed it. I didn't know what it all meant yet, but I planned on remedying that situation. As unbelievable as it was, I was a part of this, now. I could either sit, awestruck on the sidelines, or I could try and work out exactly what the hell I'd gotten myself into.

The house was silent as I made my way to the kitchen. It wasn't until I put the kettle on and began hunting for a cup that I realised I wasn't the only person awake.

" Can't sleep? " said a voice behind me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Turning, I saw a familiar figure, cast in shadow, nursing a mug of his own at the breakfast table.

" Jesus, Joe. You scared the hell out of me. "

He chuckled. " My apologies, " he said, although he didn't sound particularly sorry. " Feel like some company? "

It seemed harmless enough. I wasn't exactly going to drift off anytime soon. I filled my cup and moved over to join him. " I take it you know what happened? " I asked.

He nodded. " I was there when Sebastian got the news. "

" Then you know why I can't sleep. "

He nodded again. " I don't blame you. I don't think anyone would rest easy after a thing like that. "

I appreciated that he didn't offer any advice. Just understanding.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Despite the lack of conversation, I was enjoying the company. He might not have been Sebastian, but his presence seemed to hold back the darkness a little nonetheless.

Eventually though, he spoke. " He told you. " It wasn't a question.

Fear seized my belly. I turned my gaze to him slowly. He didn't look angry, in fact a ghost of a smile touched his lips, but I knew what he meant nonetheless. It hadn't occurred to me that Joe might be an Alpha member. He just seemed like hired help. But clearly there was more to him than that.

I debated denying it, but the certainty in his eyes said there was no point. He knew. The question was, what would he do with that knowledge?

I let out a long sigh. " He did. "

Joe chewed his lip thoughtfully. " Well then. "

" You don't sound surprised. "

He shrugged. " Everyone likes to think they can keep their mouth shut when necessary, but the truth is, every man has his breaking point. The way he talks about you, the only thing that surprises me is that it took this long. "

The way he talks about you. My mind instantly went back to Sebastian's letter, to all those heartbreakingly sweet things he'd said. And then to that look he'd worn when he first pushed his way inside my prison, the rapture that had lit his face when his eyes found mine. I wasn't the only one struggling to switch off my feelings.

You always hear stories about the purity of love, about the way it swells inside you until nothing else even matters. I never cared much for that perspective before — that kind of love typically isn't compatible with the sort of future I saw for myself — but now I found myself longing for it to be that simple. Every decision had turned into a conflict, a titanic battle between heart and brain, between logic and emotion. I couldn't deny my feelings for him, but whenever they rose inside me, they brought with them anger and betrayal. I knew it wasn't intentional, but he'd exposed me to this world, a world that was currently trying to chew me up and spit me out again. It was hard to forgive that, with the terror of my kidnapping still blanketing everything like a thick fog.

And even if I could get past it, there were other elements to the equation. Was he still the same man I'd fallen for? In light of everything he'd told me this morning, I didn't know. It was almost easier to just write him and his friends off as corrupt, power hungry monsters; but, try as I might, I couldn't see him being a part of something like that. Not to mention guys like Thomas, or apparently Joe. If Sebastian said their intentions were noble, then I believed him.

" This is a mess, " I said, after a pause, not sure if I was referring to my relationship with Sebastian or the forbidden knowledge he'd shared.

Joe let out a laugh. " That it is, girl. That it is. "

" So you're a member too then? " I asked, stalling for time. I wasn't sure where the conversation was going exactly, but he'd obviously brought it up for a reason. Something in my gut told me I could trust him, but Sebastian's warning loomed large in my mind nonetheless.

" Indeed. "

" Well, I don't mean any disrespect, but isn't it a little demeaning having you drive another member around? "

He shrugged. " It's not so bad. I give him hell, but Sebastian's a better sort than most. Besides, it's not like I always did this. "

" Oh? "

He grinned. " Alpha's not exactly in the business of recruiting chauffeurs. Not much to be gained by that. No, before this I served thirty years in the British Army. "

I nodded. That explained the war wound he'd mentioned the first day we met. " In what capacity? "

" Infantry first, but they quickly shuffled me to the officers' path instead. " He leaned in conspiratorially. " Didn't seem to care for all the questions I asked. " He let out a short laugh. " Nope, there's not a lot of space for curiosity on the battlefield. I think they figured that if I was going to be doing all that thinking, I might as well be the one answering the questions instead of asking. "