CHAPTER TWELVE

Sebastian stayed the night at my place, and the next morning we went out for breakfast. It was a little unprofessional to be late to the office again, especially after ducking out early yesterday, but the truth was that I didn't care. Last night had shown me how perfect our relationship could be, and all I wanted to do was keep feeling that same euphoria for as long as possible.

" What's your schedule like for the next few days? " I asked him, as we were finishing up our coffees.

He grimaced. " Busy, unfortunately. I suspect I'll be eating all my meals at my desk for the foreseeable future. You may have to entertain yourself for a few days. "

I felt a pang of disappointment, but I brushed it aside. " Fair enough. We're getting pretty stuck into the Wrights case now anyway, so I won't exactly be bored. " I picked up my coffee spoon and drew it in and out of my mouth slowly, dragging my tongue along the underside. " Of course, I may require entertaining once more before you disappear. "

He grinned. " You know, it just so happens that I have a block of free time that has just opened up right... now. "

Suffice it to say that I was even later to work than I initially planned.

In truth, I wasn't as upset about Sebastian's busyness as I should have been, because he'd given me an idea. His surprises were becoming a regular fixture in our relationship, and I wanted to even the score a little. So I decided that if he was too busy to go out, I'd bring myself to him.

When lunch time rolled around the next day, I picked up a couple of sandwiches from a nearby deli and headed for his building. A little subtle questioning over breakfast had told me that while he did have that office stashed behind the bar, that was only used during functions. He actually spent most of his time at the main Fraiser Capital building, which turned out to be only a ten minute walk from mine.

The building was as impressive as I'd been expecting. A sparkling cylinder of dark glass that shot up into the sky like a raised fist. It was somewhat intimidating being at Sebastian's office. There was nothing overtly strange about it, but the secrecy with which his company approached their work made me feel a little like a soldier venturing behind enemy lines.

I marched up to the front desk, trying my best to look like I belonged.

" Can I help you? " asked the receptionist, smiling a little too widely. She was a pretty young girl, albeit in an overly made up, magazine cover sort of way.

" Yes, I'm here to see Sebastian Lock. "

She glanced at the screen in front of her. " Do you have an appointment? "

" Not really. I was hoping to surprise him. " I held up the paper bag containing our lunch.

" Oh, I'm sorry, but nobody goes upstairs without an appointment. Company policy. "

" I appreciate that, but it's not like I'm a stranger. I'm his girlfriend. " It felt a little funny to say that out loud. We'd never used terms like that before. But still, it was true, wasn't it?

The woman behind the counter smiled in that slightly patronising way that people usually reserve for small children. " I'm sorry, but I can't make exceptions. I can call him if you like, maybe get him to come down? "

I exhaled sharply. I had hoped to surprise him in his actual office, but if this was my only option I guess I had no choice. " Okay sure. Thanks. "

She tapped a few buttons on the phone and sat patiently, but nothing happened.

" I'm sorry, but he doesn't seem to be in. I could take a message for you if you like. "

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps it was a stupid plan. He was a busy man. I should have just organised to see him over the phone like a normal person.

" Sophia? " said a voice behind me.

I turned and came face to face with Sebastian's friend Thomas.

" It is you. I thought so, " he said. He managed a small smile, although he didn't look quite as pleased to see me as he had the other night. Apparently Sebastian wasn't the only one under a lot of stress.

I nodded. " Hi, Thomas. "

" You here to see Sebastian? "

I felt a glimmer of hope. " Well I was hoping to, but they won't let me up. "

He winced. " Yeah, we're not really meant to have guests upstairs. It's a bit draconian I know, but it's the rules. "

" But if I went up with you, it'd be okay, right? " I said, flashing him a smile.

He chewed on his lip. " Technically you have to be a client... "

" Please! I was really hoping to surprise him. I only need a few minutes. "

I thought my feminine charms had done the trick, but eventually he shook his head " Sorry. If anyone found out I'd be in a crazy amount of trouble. Hell, Sebastian himself would chew me out. But since you came all the way here, I can go and find him for you if you like. He's in a meeting, but shouldn't be much longer. "

I deflated a little, although I don't know why I was surprised. Sebastian had described Thomas as " a company man through and through. " Expecting him to break the rules was probably unrealistic.

Still, his offer was better than nothing. " Okay, sure, that'd be great. "

He gestured for me to follow. As we walked towards the lift, he glanced down at the bag I held. " A hand delivered lunch? Sebastian's a lucky man. "

" It's more out of necessity than romance I fear. We're both so busy we barely get to see one another. I figured fifteen minutes over a sandwich is better than nothing. "

" For sure. " He was silent for a few seconds. " So things must be going pretty well between you two then. "

My strong, independent side hated the goofy smile that bloomed on my face. Fuck, Sophia, you're practically swooning. But try as I might, I couldn't get rid of it. " Yeah, I think so. "

" That's good. That's good. " But something in his tone said he didn't necessarily believe that. I didn't know what to make of it. Did he still worry about Sebastian's ability to commit? I had to admit, I still had the occasional doubts, but our night at Mi Casa had gone a long way to settling those.

After a few more seconds, the lift arrived. " We'll probably be a few minutes, " he said, stepping inside. " Feel free to make yourself comfortable. " He pointed to a long sofa that rested against the far wall.

" No worries. Thanks, Thomas. "

" My pleasure. "

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd just done as he asked. It was one of those seemingly inconsequential decisions that turns out to have massive ramifications.

Instead of sitting and waiting, I couldn't resist the urge to have a little wander. It was becoming clear that I may never get the chance to see Sebastian's actual office, but that didn't mean I couldn't check out the building a little. I was still incredibly curious about the sorts of things they did.

The bottom story appeared to be mostly admin staff; young women in blouses and dark pencil skirts bustling back and forward down long corridors. A few of them shot me strange looks, but nobody stopped me, so I figured I wasn't in breach of any major rules.

I didn't intend to wander very far, just enough to get a glimpse of what went on back there, but the place was a maze, and at some point I managed to get turned around. Before I knew it, I found myself standing in a narrow corridor that was devoid of doors or people. It felt like I'd gradually been moving in a loop, so I headed to the end and turned the corner, expecting to be taken back to the main access point.

Instead, I found something that caused my mouth to drop open.

This hallway was shorter, and it had a door. Just one. The access keypad off to one side said that I wasn't going any further in that direction. Not that I needed to. The door itself told me everything I needed to know. There was no signage, nothing to indicate what lay beyond. That is, except for the small golden letter A that was inscribed on the surface.

There was a grinding sensation in my head, the feeling of a host of gears all suddenly clicking into place. I knew now why that symbol had looked so familiar. This wasn't the first door I'd seen it on. I thought back to the night Sebastian and I had met, to the hidden offices I'd inadvertently prowled through. The name tags had thrown me off, but now I remembered; they were all marked the same way.

Something heavy and dark began to claw at my stomach. I'd asked Sebastian outright about the tattoo, and he'd lied. There was clearly a lot more to it than a drunken generic design. All the strange occurrences and eccentricities that he'd talked his way out of raced through my head. The hidden offices, the secret parties, the strange documents, they were all tied to this. They had to be. Each one taken by itself was fairly innocuous, but throw in the dead man on the news, and this one tiny symbol suddenly pulled it all together into something much more sinister.

Who the fuck were these people?

Somehow, I found my way back to the lifts and threw myself down heavily on the sofa. I had no idea what to do. It wasn't fair. Things between Sebastian and I had finally felt like they were making sense. I'd been happy dammit. But now I could feel that slowly bleeding out of me, replaced by an overwhelming sense of fear.

I'd known there were things about his job he had to keep quiet. I'd accepted that. But I'd assumed that meant client names and project details and other random minutia. This was something else entirely. Part of me wanted to just ignore it, to shove it under the rug in the back of my mind and let things continue the way they had been, but I knew that wasn't possible. I had to know what on earth I was dealing with.

A few moments later, the lift doors split open and Thomas and Sebastian strode out. " Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise, " Sebastian said, grinning at me, although the smile fell rapidly when he caught sight of my face. " Sophia, what's wrong? "

Thomas seemed to sense my mood had changed. " I've got something to take care of, " he said, shooting me a curious look before heading in the direction of the main foyer. I was thankful for the privacy.

I stared at Sebastian for a few seconds, uncertain where to even begin. " Why can't I come upstairs? " I asked eventually.

That seemed to catch him off guard. " Sorry. I know it's a bit strange. It's just company policy. "

" So you're not hiding anything up there? "

Something flickered across his face ever so briefly. " What would I be hiding? "

" That's what I'm trying to figure out. "

He looked puzzled by that. Slipping onto the seat next to me, he placed one hand gently on my knee. " I don't understand. What's this about? "

I didn't answer directly. " Do you remember what you told me that night outside my house, " I said instead, " the night before you went away? 'I promise I'll never lie to you. '"

He nodded slowly. " I remember. "

" So why did you? "

There was a pause. " I'm not sure what you mean. "

I sighed. I hadn't really expected him to just spill everything of his own accord, but it had been worth a try. " Let me be more direct then. Why is there a door back there, " I nodded towards the centre of the building, " that has the same mark on it as the one on your chest? "

His eyes widened. There were a few seconds of stunned silence. " I think you must be mistaken, " he said shakily, but even he didn't sound convinced.

I felt a small flash of anger, but I smothered it. I'd already overreacted once with him. I wanted to give him a chance to explain. " Please, at least do me the courtesy of dropping the act now. I'm not stupid, Sebastian. I know what I saw. I saw it that first night we met as well, I just didn't remember until now. "

He had a panicked look in his eyes now, his pupils madly darting left and right. " I'm sorry, " he said eventually.

" I don't want apologies, Sebastian. I want explanations! "

He ran a hand through his hair and stared down at the floor. " You don't know what you're asking. "

" I'm asking for you to be honest with me. That's all. It's pretty clear you're not who you say you are, and between the secret offices, the strange symbols, and the dead foreign dignitaries, this has me confused and to be honest, a little frightened. "

His eyes shot up to meet mine, and any lingering doubts I'd had about the connection vanished. " Dead foreign dignitaries? "

I nodded. " I saw a dead man on the news a few weeks ago. A British politician. He had the same tattoo as you, only on his arm. At the time I thought it was just a coincidence, but your reaction basically confirms that it's not. "

He gazed at me, his face utterly distraught. It was the look of a man with an impossible choice to make, and it sent a fresh wave of dread rolling through me. After all we'd shared since that night at my house, I'd honestly been expecting us to get past this. It had felt like he finally trusted me, and that it was only a matter of time before the rest of his walls came down too. But now I wasn't so sure. Whatever he was still hiding was apparently bigger than everything else. Was it bigger than what he felt for me?

" This isn't fair, Sophia, " he replied eventually. " You knew we had secrets. I never hid that. "

This time the surge of anger was bigger. " It isn't fair? Are you kidding me? Look, I understand some jobs deal with sensitive information, and I totally respect that. I'm in the same boat myself with case details. But this is something else entirely. Do you understand how this looks to me? You have a bloody tattoo of some secret company logo on your chest! I can't even begin to imagine what that means. "

His fingers clenched and unclenched rapidly, his head shaking back and forward in a steady rhythm, as if he could send everything into rewind through sheer force of will. " Please don't make me do this, " he pleaded.

" What choice do I have? " I asked. " How am I meant to be with a man who keeps things like this from me? How can I trust anything you say? I thought I was starting to get to know the man behind the mask, but now I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. " Saying it out loud just made the pain worse. I felt heat welling behind my eyes, but I blinked it away. I was not going to cry in the middle of his office.

He drew a heavy breath. " Everything you saw was real, Sophia. I'm a lot of things, things that might not be easy to understand, but I'm also the same man I was a few days ago. The man who danced with you and held you and felt so impossibly lucky to wake up next to you. The man who thinks he's falling in love with you. "

I recoiled as if struck. Of all the things he could have said to shock me, that was at the top of the list. How could I possibly deal with that?

" Love? " I said, barely able to wrap my mouth around the word. " Seriously? That's how you're going to wriggle out of this one? " I thought I'd been confused before, but that one little word had set off a bomb inside me. My emotions now lay scattered in a thousand tiny pieces.

He looked almost as surprised as me. " I'm not wriggling out of anything. Look, I've kept things from you, that's true, and I'm sorry beyond words for that, but they were only the things I had no choice but to hide. I have never lied to you about the way I feel. Never. " There was fire in his voice when he said that, an earnestness that was almost impossible to ignore.

I shook my head. No matter what I said or did, it felt like it would be the wrong decision. I didn't understand this man. This man that could make me feel so treasured one minute, then so alone the next.

" Even if that's true, it's not enough, " I replied slowly. Of course it's enough, a tiny part of me was screaming, but it was drowned out by the chorus of other voices, all yelling with equal fervour. " I'm not going to pretend like I have any idea what the hell is going on here, but I can't deal with the constant questions anymore, Sebastian. I can't keep finding new secrets behind the curtains. "

" I know, " he said wearily.

" So can you promise an end to all that? "

There was a long pause, perhaps the longest of my life. It felt like that moment in my house all over again, that agonising wait, the whole relationship teetering on the next words out of his mouth. Only this time, I didn't get the response I'd hoped for.

Eventually, he closed his eyes. " I don't know. "

Every muscle in my body tightened. I let out a long breath. " Then there's nothing more to talk about. "

I was surprised by how calmly I got to my feet. I expected him to object. He'd proven his tenacity time and time again. But he didn't. He just stared mournfully at the floor and let me walk away.

I caught sight of Thomas on my way out. He was sitting in an armchair a little way around the corner, sorting through some papers, although he gave me a sympathetic nod as I walked passed. Apparently he hadn't gone far after all. So much for privacy.

I made it into the back of a cab before I began to cry. The driver shot me several uncomfortable glances, but my mind didn't have space to focus on him right now. There was too much pain. Too much confusion. I had no idea how I was meant to have reacted to what just happened. The scope of Sebastian's lies still hadn't sunk in. I didn't know what it could possibly all mean.

And then there was that word.

If he'd meant what he said, how could he just let me leave? Love was supposed to be a connection that triumphed over everything else. I tried to convince myself that it was just a ploy, a desperate, last ditch attempt to save what we had. But the pain in his eyes had been so real, the conviction in his voice so strong. It didn't make any sense.

None of it made any sense.