Chapter Twenty-Six

H ello. "

His mind went blank.

" Hello? "

Was it her? But it had to be — this was the last Barrett in the book and the voice was fresh and appealing, the kind of voice that went with all that beauty he had seen at the bus stop.

" Hello, " he managed, his voice emerging as an ugly croak.

" Is this Danny? " she asked.

He was instantly, insanely jealous of Danny, whoever Danny was.

" No, " he croaked again, miserably.

" Who is this? " she asked, annoyance now in her voice.

" Is this Ellen? Ellen Barrett? " The name was strange on his tongue. He had never said it aloud although he had whispered it silently a thousand times.

Silence.

" Look, " he began, his heart beating desperately. " Look, you don't know who I am but I see you every day…"

" Are you some kind of pervert? " she asked, not horrified at all but good-naturedly curious, like, " Hey ma, I've got a pervert on the line. "

" No. I'm the fellow at the bus stop. "

" What fellow? What bus stop? " Her voice had lost all its demureness. It had become a wise-guy, show-me kind of voice.

He wanted to say you smiled at me yesterday, the day before that, last week. And I love you. But couldn't. He suddenly saw how futile, how ridiculous the situation was. A fellow didn't call up a girl on the evidence of a smile and introduce himself this way. She probably smiled at a hundred guys a day.

" I'm sorry for bothering you, " he said.

" Are you sure this isn't Danny? Are you trying to put me on, Danny? Look, Danny, I'm getting tired of you and your crap…"

Jerry hung up. He didn't want to hear anymore. The word " crap, " echoing now in his mind, had destroyed all illusion about her. Like meeting a lovely girl and having her smile reveal rotten teeth. But his heart was still beating wildly. Are you some kind of pervert? Maybe I am. Not a sexual pervert but another kind. Wasn't refusing to sell the chocolates a kind of perversion? Wasn't it crazy to go on refusing to sell the chocolates, particularly after that last warning yesterday by Archie Costello and The Vigils? And yet this morning, he had stood his ground and feed a level and positive No at Brother Leon. For the first time, the word brought exultancy to him, a lifting of the spirit.

With the latest No resounding in his ears, Jerry had expected the school building to fall or something dramatic to happen. Nothing. He had seen Goober shake his head in dismay. But Goober didn't know about this new feeling, the sense that his bridges were burning behind him and for once in his life he didn't care. He was still buoyant when he arrived home, otherwise, he wouldn't have had the courage to call all those Barretts and to actually talk to the girl. It had been a miserable failure, of course. But he had made the call, taken a step, broken the routine of his days and nights.

He went into the kitchen, suddenly ravenous, and dumped some ice cream from the freezer into a dish.

" My name is Jerry Renault and I'm not going to sell the chocolates, " he said to the empty apartment.

The words and his voice sounded strong and noble.