Reading the opposite sex. Psychologist of the University of Chicago, Lisa Evans

Reading the opposite sex

The seminar of a psychologist on ‘’the art of flirting’’

Psychologist of the University of Chicago, Lisa Evans

As we know, people are constantly throwing off a storm of signals. These signals may be silent (non-verbal) messages communicated through the body movements, facial expressions, voice tone and loudness. While flirting we add opportunities for micro communication on the level of body-language. The capacity of men and women to flirt and turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches. You’ll agree with me that every look sent and every sidelong glance received are mutually understood signals and encode different messages. Of course, flirting is a negotiation process that takes place after there has been some initial attraction. Two people have to share with each other the information that they are attracted, and then test each other employing different gestures, postures and so on. We, homo sapiens, like all mammals and most animals (including birds, fish, even fruit flies) engage in complicated and energy-intensive plans for attracting others. That is, they flirt like we do. Really, people in dozens of cultures, from the South Sea islands to the Far East, Western Europe, Africa and South America, regardless of language, socioeconomic status or religious upbringing, similarly engage in a fairly fixed set of gestures to express sexual availability and interest. Females have very many more ways of attracting attention to themselves than males, and so are able to express interest and availability in far more ways than males tend to do.

Body language serves us to advertise ourselves to the opposite sex. Can you imagine, that female interest in males is relatively selective, but Male interest in females is by comparison constant and indiscriminate. The ground is, that it happens is due fundamentally to human mating behaviour, in which essentially women control the chase and the choice, and men respond primarily to female permissions.

And now I’d like to represent you is a list of identical flirtation messages, and surely you are all aware of them. Usually while flirting a female smiles at a male, then catches eyes and looks away ( a standard initial signal of interest designed to hook male reaction), puts her hands on or near her mouth, licks their lips and keeps them parted. It is like a chain of actions. Women shrug their shoulders, show forearm or shoulders signifying helplessness. Women exaggeratedly extend their neck, a sign of vulnerability and submissiveness. By swaying her hips, suggesting capacity for bearing a child. By arching her brows and widening their eyes, flicking hair the way a child's eyes do, advertising, along with giggles, her youth and " submissiveness. " Very often women employ self-touching for drawing attention to sexually appealing parts of the body.

To women’s surprise, most men are interested perpetually in most women, and therefore male signals are generally designed to attract the attention of any females, rather than directed at one female in particular.

It’s not a secret that male signals of interest in females essentially follow normal body language rules, for example widening eyes, forward leaning, prolonged direct eye contact, active listening reactions. Normally, men make grand gestures poses as leaning forward, 'chest-thumping' with shoulder back and stomach in; keeping hands in pockets, lighting a cigarette, –all these signs indicate interest and attraction, designed, of course, to draw attention to themselves. Furthermore, like women, they tend to preening and grooming - adjusting clothes, ties, cuffs, sleeves, running hands through or over hair. For his part, by their grandiose gestures, expanding and showing off muscles and a hairy chest, laughing loudly, smiling, a man signals his ability to protect offspring, his woman, his resources and the testosterone.

And you’ll ask me-why do we flirt, for what purpose? From nature's point, the goal of life is the survival of our DNA. Sex is the way most animals gain the flexibility to sort and mix their genes. And flirting is the way a person focuses the attention of a specific member of the opposite sex. And it is true, that a flirting plan has been embedded in our genes and in our brain's operating system. Body language in flirting can be significant in indicating a strong match, but just as easily can merely be an initial filtering stage.