VII Lusingando

Dulchiiissime! Katherina held the high note until the conductor’s signal. Then she let her voice tumble through the delicious melisma to totam tibi sub do me, and the chorus followed with the warm swell of “Ave Formosissima. ” She thrilled at the ecstatic conclusion of Carmina Burana, the pumping heartbeat of the final chorus and the ever-repeating “bodoomp BOOM” of the timpani. It was a wild dance, the very essence of pagan erotic passion that mocked the monastic origin of its text.

The final fortissimo section crashed to an end and the orchestra fell silent. The conductor waved the chorus and dancers off the stage, dismissing them until the Friday performance. Only the soloists had to do another run-through. Katherina was slightly annoyed; she would miss the early train back to Berlin.

Ulrich seemed disappointed too and his eyes followed Sabine as she strode in long graceful steps into the wings. He acquitted himself well in his song, though he was obviously bored. Dieter forced his voice one more time into the falsetto lines of his swan aria. Finally it was her turn and she focused her full attention on “Stedit puella in rosa tunica. ” She loved the delicate sensuality of the words. “The girl stood in a red dress, and when she moved, the tunic rustled. ” She sang the passage without looking at the score, directly at the conductor, and ended the long “Eiiiah” on pianissimo.

Von Hausen was obviously satisfied. “Good work. All of you. Bring it with you on Friday and we’ll have a hit. ”

Relieved, Katherina followed the other soloists back to the dressing rooms.

Her room was small and sparse, but afforded privacy since, as the only female soloist, she had it all to herself. She would use it on performance night to change into her concert gown. The wide cushioned bench at one end was an amenity she had not expected to need. Today, however, when she had an hour to kill before catching the late train, it was welcome and she dropped onto it gratefully.

The chorus had left and so had the dancers, and Ulrich’s dismay was apparent when he stuck his head through the dressing room doorway and said good-bye. He had obviously not gotten very far with Sabine the night before and could not fathom why. Katherina did not intend to inform him.

Staring blankly at her score, she let the images of the flirtation drift again through her imagination. She had been brooding the entire day on it, for it had exposed a part of her that she had always carefully guarded. Without a current boyfriend, even the shallow kind like the ones she’d had at university, she felt unprotected.

Well, that was over now and she could let it pass from her mind. She tried to study her notes, but fatigue and the warmth of the room made her drowsy. She slouched against the wall and allowed herself to doze.

Katherina dreamt she was at the table in the Café zum Engel again, but not only the Carmina Burana singers and dancers sat there with her. Directly across the table was her father. Sitting shoulder to shoulder with him was Anastasia Ivanova, as on the record jacket. And similar to the photograph of Faust and Marguerite, her father seemed penitent, terrified, while next to him, Anastasia smiled. The rest of the group at the table seemed oblivious to them and to the woman next to Katherina, who began to caress her breast. Katherina dared not move, for fear of drawing attention to herself, so she allowed the caress, growing both more aroused and more frightened. Her father glanced first at her, then past her to someone who stood behind her. She wanted to turn around, but something held her in place. She could only ask, “Is that Florian? ’

She awoke, abruptly, to some sound.

Sabine stood just inside the dressing room. “I see you waited after all. I’m glad. ”

Katherina tried to clear her sleep-addled brain. “What? No, I wasn’t waiting for anything. I mean, my train leaves in an hour and I don’t want to sit in the station. ”

“If you say so. ” Sabine swept gracefully toward the soft bench and sat down next to Katherina. She rested leisurely against the wall and surveyed the room.

“Nice. The privacy, I mean. Not like washing up with six other half-naked dancers. ” She shifted her position to face Katherina. “Funny how one naked woman is erotically appealing but six of them are not. I wonder why that is. ”

Katherina could think of nothing to reply.

“Do you like naked women? ” Sabine’s voice was suddenly soft, suggestive.

“What? ” Katherina drew back as if pricked. “What kind of a question is that? ”

“You don’t have to be so afraid of the subject. I look quite good naked. I bet you do too. ”

“I suppose so, but it’s not something people talk about. ”

“Why not? It’s something we all think about. What other people look like naked. I know you wonder about me. I’ve seen you looking at me. ”

“You flatter yourself. I look at everyone. ”

“But not the way you look at me. What do you think about? Do you wonder what it would be like to touch me? ”

“Of course not. ” Katherina’s blood was pounding in her ears as it had done in the café. She licked dry lips.

Sabine bent toward her and murmured, “You do. I know you do. You think about what it’s like to be intimate with a woman. Well, I can tell you. It’s…exquisite. ”

“How can you say those things to me? Look, I don’t even want to have this conversation. ” Katherina threw her weight forward to stand up, was halfway off the seat when Sabine caught her wrist and pulled her back down.

“Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic. I’m not trying to embarrass you. ” Her voice became softer, cajoling. “Look, I just want to get to know you, honestly and without pretense. Here we are, in a nice quiet room all by ourselves. No one here to see or know anything. Really. Nothing to be afraid of. ”

She was close to Katherina’s face now. Katherina could feel the warm breath on her cheek, smell the soap she had just washed with. “I…I don’t know, ” was all that Katherina could manage.

Sabine’s hand rose and touched her softly on the cheek, brushed away a strand of hair, then came to rest on her chin. Katherina turned her head with the pressure of the hand and found Sabine’s lips centimeters away from her own. Sabine gazed into her eyes dreamily. Then her bright expression clouded with desire and her mouth came down on Katherina’s lips.

For the briefest moment Katherina resisted, her back stiffening. She froze, as if waiting for some third party to arbitrate, then relented. Her defenses fell—to the heat of Sabine’s mouth and the flickering invasion of her tongue, to the strong arm that slipped around her back, to the hand that dropped from her cheek to her breast.

Her own hands did not know where to go. They landed, helpless, on Sabine’s upper arms and her fingers curled feebly to clutch Sabine’s sleeves. She inhaled Sabine’s breath, tasted Sabine’s saliva mixing with her own. The hand on her breast squeezed and caressed, then ventured farther, down the side of her leg and under her skirt. When the intruder’s fingertips touched the skin on the inside of her thigh, something in Katherina broke away. Will and flesh seemed to separate, and the flesh surrendered.

This is not me. I am not doing this. Katherina told herself, This is another part of me that is just for now, that will go away again afterward. The thought seemed to free her to throw herself into the maelstrom that drew her ever downward.

She melted, her sex pouring out hot syrup over Sabine’s invading fingers. Tiny demons gathered in her groin, flickering like fireflies, growing in number and intensity.

Was she still kissing Sabine? Yes, their tongues still slipped past each other, their panting breaths—the only sound—blew across each other’s cheeks.

The flashing demons congealed, deep inside of her, merged into a burning ring that set her trembling. Tighter and hotter the ring closed, until she could no longer endure it and she moaned into Sabine’s mouth. Then it broke. She shuddered as the convulsions erupted through her, then collapsed against Sabine’s shoulder.

Spent, Katherina rested for several moments with her forehead against Sabine’s neck. As the euphoria evaporated, she became aware that nothing more was happening, no further tenderness, no gentle promises. “What do we do now? ” she murmured.

“Now? ” Sabine answered. “Now you have a train to catch. ”

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