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THE ALL STATE FOOTBALL BANQUET WAS TO BE HELT IN A little town called Flomaton, what Coach Fellers described as a " switch up the railroad tracks. " We was put on a bus—they was five or six of us from this area who won the prize—an we was trucked up there. It was a hour or two before we arrived, an the bus didn't have no toilet, an I had drank two Slurpees fore we lef, so when we get to Flomaton, I really got to go bad.

The thing was helt at the Flomaton Highschool auditorium, an when we git inside, me and some of the others find the toilet. Somehow, tho, when I go to unzip my pants, the zipper is stuck in my shirttail an won't come down. After a bit of this, a nice little guy from a rival school goes out and finds Coach Fellers an he come in with the two goons an they be tryin to get my pants open. One of the goons say the only way to git it down is jus rip it apart. At this, Coach Fellers put his hans on his hips an say, " I spose you expect me to send this boy out there with his fly unzipped an his thing hangin out—now what kind of a impression do you think that would make? "

Then he turn to me an say, " Forrest, you jus got to keep a lid on it till this thing's over, an then we get it open for you—okay? " An I nod, cause I don't know what else to do, but I figgerin I be in for a long evenin.

When we get out to the auditorium there's a million people all settin there at tables, smilin an clappin as we come out. We is put up at a big long table on the stage in front of everbody an my worst fears was realized about the long evenin. Seem like ever soul in the room got up to make a speech—even the waiters an janitor. I wished my mama coulda been there, cause she'd of hepped me, but she back at home in bed with the grippe. Finally it come time to get handed our prizes, which was little gold-colored footballs, an when our names was called we was sposed to go up to the microphone an take the prize an say " thank you, " an they also tole us if anybody has anythin else he wants to say, to keep it short on account of we want to be gettin out of there before the turn of the century.

Most everbody had got they prize an said " thank you, " an then it come my turn. Somebody on the microphone call out " Forrest Gump, " which, if I hadn't tole you before, is my last name, an I stand up an go over an they han me the prize. I lean over to the mike an say, " Thank you, " an everbody starts to cheer an clap an stand up in they seats. I spose somebody tole them aforehan I'm some kind of idiot, an they makin a special effort to be nice. But I'm so surprised by all this, I don't know what to do, so I jus kep standin there. Then everbody hush up, an the man at the mike he lean over and axe me if I got anythin else I want to say. So I says, " I got to pee. "

Everbody in the audience didn't say nothin for a few moments, an jus started lookin funny at each other, an then they begun a sort of low mumblin, an Coach Fellers come up an grap me by the arm and haul me back to my seat. Rest of the night he be glarin at me, but after the banquet is over, Coach an the goons done take me back to the bathroom an rip open my pants an I done peed a bucket!

" Gump, " Coach say after I am finished, " you sure got a way with words. "

* * *

       Now nex year wadn't too eventful, cept somebody put out the word that a idiot got hissef on the All State Football team an a bunch of letters start comin in from all round the country. Mama collect them all and start keepin a scrapbook. One day a package come from New Yawk City that contain a official baseball signed by the entire New Yawk Yankees baseball team. It was the best thing ever happen to me! I treasure that ball like a goldbrick, till one day when I was tossin it aroun in the yard, a big ole dog come up an grap it outta the air an chewed it up. Things like that always happenin to me.

       One day Coach Fellers call me in an take me into the principal's office. They was a man there from up to the University who shook my han an axe me whether I ever thought bout playin football in college. He say they been



       " watchin" me. I shook my head, cause I hadn't.

       Everbody seemed to be in awe of this man, bowin an scrapin an callin him " Mister Bryant. " But he say for me to call him " Bear, " which I thought was a funny name, cept he do look similar to a bear in some respects.

       Coach Fellers point out that I am not the brightest person, but the Bear, he say that is plenty true of most of his players, an that he figgers to get me special hep in my studies. A week later they give me a test with all sorts of screwy questions the like of which I am not familiar with. After a wile I get bored and stop takin the test.

       Two days afterward, the Bear come back again and I get hauled into the principal's office by Coach Fellers.

       Bear lookin distressed, but he still bein nice; he axe me have I done tried my best on that test. I nod my head, but the principal be rollin his eyes, an the Bear say, " Well, this is unfortunate then, cause the score appears to indicate that this boy is a idiot. "

       The principal be noddin his head now, an Coach Fellers is standin there with his hands in his pockets lookin sour. It seem to be the end of my college football prospects.

       * * *

       The fact that I were too dumb to play college football did not seem to impress the United States Army none.

       It were my last year at highschool an in the springtime everbody else graduated. They let me set up on the stage tho, an even give me a black robe to put on, an when it come time, the principal announce they was gonna give me a " special" diploma. I got up to go to the microphone an the two goons stan up an go with me—I spose so's I don't make no remarks like I did at the All State Football thing. My mama is down in the front row cryin and wringin her hans an I really feel good, like I actually done accomplish somethin.

       But when we git back home, I finally realize why she bawlin an carryin on—they was a letter come from the Army say I got to report to the local daft board or somesuch. I didn't know what the deal was, but my mama did—it was 1968 an they was all sorts of shit fixin to hoppen.

       Mama give me a letter from the school principal to han to the daft-board people, but somehow I lost it on the way there. It was a loony scene. They was a big colored guy in a Army suit yellin at people an dividin them up into bunches. We was all standin there and he come up an shout, " All right, I want half of you to go over there an half of you to go over here, an the other half of you to stay put! " Everbody millin aroun an lookin bewildered an even I could figger out this guy's a moron.

       They took me in a room and line us up an tell us to remove our clothes. I ain't much for that, but everbody else done it an so I did too. They lookin at us everplace—eyes, noses, mouths, ears—even our private parts. At one point they tell me, " Bend over, " an when I do, somebody jam his finger up my ass.

       That's it!

       I turn an grapped that bastid an knock him upside the head. They was suddenly a big commotion an a bunch of people run up an jump on top of me. However, I am used to that treatment. I thowed them off an run out the door. When I get home an tell my mama what happen, she all upset, but she say, " Don't worry, Forrest—everthin gonna be okay. "

       It ain't. Next week, a van pull up at our house and a number of men in Army suits an shiny black helmets come up to the door be axin for me. I'm hidin up in my room, but Mama come up an say they jus wanta give me a ride back down to the daft board. All the way there, they be watchin me real close, like I'm some kinda maniac.

       They was a door that lead to a big office where there's a older man all dressed up in a shiny uniform an he eyein me pretty careful too. They set me down an shove another test in front of me, an wile it's one hell of a lot easier than the college football test, it still ain't no piece of cake.



       When I'm done, they take me to another room where they's four or five guys settin at a long table what start axin me questions an passin around what looked like the test I took. Then they all git into a huddle and when they finish one of em sign a paper an han it to me. When I take it home, Mama read it an begin pullin at her hair an weepin an praisin the Lord, cause it say I am " Temporarily Deferred, " on account of I am a numbnuts.

       * * *

       Somethin else occurred durin that week that was a major event in my life. There was this lady boarder livin with us that worked down to the telephone company as a operator. Miss French was her name. She was a real nice lady, what kep mostly to hersef, but one night when it was terribily hot, an they was thunderstorms, she stuck her head out the door to her room as I was walkin by an say, " Forrest, I just got a box of nice divinity this afternoon—would you like a piece? "

       An I say " yes, " an she bring me into her room an there on the dresser is the divinity. She give me a piece of it, then she axe if I want another, an she points for me to set down on the bed. I must of ate ten or fifteen pieces of the divinity an lightnin was flashin outside an thunder an the curtains was blowin an Miss French kinda pushes me an makes me lie back on the bed. She commences to start strokin me in a personal way. " Jus keep your eyes closed, " she say, " an everthing will be all right. " Nex thing you know there is somethin happenin that had not happen before. I cannot say what it was, because I was keepin my eyes closed, an also because my mama woulda kilt me, but let me tell you this—it give me an entirely new outlook on things for the future.

       The problem was that wile Miss French was a nice kind lady, the things that she done to me that night was the kinds of things I'd have preferred to have done to me by Jenny Curran. An yet, there was no way I could see to even begin gettin that accomplished cause what with the way I am, it is not so easy to ask anyone for a date. That is to put it mildly.

       But on account of my new experience, I got up the courage to axe my mama what to do about Jenny, tho I certainly didn't say nothin bout me an Miss French. Mama said she'll take care of it for me, an she call up Jenny Curran's mama an splain the situation to her, an the nex evenin, lo an behole, who should appear at our door but Jenny Curran hersef!

       She is all dressed up in a white dress an a pink flower in her hair an she look like nothin I have ever dreamt of. She come inside an Mama took her to the parlor an give her a ice-cream float an call for me to come down from my room, where I had run to as soon as I seen Jenny Curran comin up the walk. I'd of rather had five thousand people chasin me than to come out of my room jus then, but Mama come up an take me by the han an lead me down an give me a ice-cream float too. That made it better.

       Mama said we can go to the movies an she give Jenny three dollars as we walk out of the house. Jenny ain't never been nicer, talkin an laughin an I am noddin an grinnin like a idiot. The movie was jus four or five blocks from our house, an Jenny went up an got some tickets an we went in an set down. She axed me if I want some popcorn an when she come back from gettin it, the picture done started.

       It is a movie about two people, a man an a lady called Bonnie an Clyde that robbed banks an they was some interestin other people in it also. But it was a lot of killin an shootin an shit like that, too. It seemed to me funny that folks would be shootin an killin one another that way, so's I laughed a lot when that went on, an whenever I did, Jenny Curran seemed to squnch down in her seat a lot. Halfway thru the movie, she was almost squnched down to the floor. I suddenly saw this an figgered she had somehow felled out of her seat, so I reached over an grapped her by the shoulder to lif her up again.

       As I did this, I heard somethin tear, an I look down an Jenny Curran's dress is ripped completely open an everthing is hangin out. I took my other han to try to cover her up, but she start makin noises an flail about wild-like, an me, I'm tryin to hole onto her so's she don't fall down again or come undone an there's people around us lookin back tryin to see what all the commotion is about. Suddenly a fellow come down the aisle an shine a bright light right on Jenny an me, but bein exposed an all, she commenced to shriek an wail an then she jump up an run out of the show.

       Nex thing I know, two men come an tell me to get up an I follow them to a office. A few minutes later, four policemen arrive an axe me to come with them. They show me to a police car an two get in front an two get in back with me, jus like it was with Coach Fellers' goons, cept'n this time we do go " downtown, " an they escort me to a room an jab my fingers onto a pad an I get my picture taken an they thowed me in jail. It was a horrible experience. I was worried all the time bout Jenny, but after a bit my mama showed up an come in wipin her eyes with a handkerchief an twistin her fingers an I knowed I'm in the doghouse again.

       There was some kind of ceremony a few days later down to the courthouse. My mama dressed me in my suit an took me there, an we met a nice man with a moustache carrying a big purse who tole the judge a bunch of things an then some other people, includin my mama, say some other shit an finally it was my turn.

       The man with the moustache took me by the arm so's I'd stand up, an the judge axed me how all this done happen? I couldn't figger out what to say, so I jus shrugged my shoulders an then he axes if there's anything else I want to add, an so I says, " I got to pee, " cause we'd been settin there almost haf a day an I'm about to bust! The judge, he lean forward from behind his big ole desk an peer at me like I am a Marsman or somethin. Then the feller with the moustache speaks up and followin this the judge tells him to take me to the toilet, which he does. I look back as we leavin the room an see po ole Mama holdin her head an daubin at her eyes with the handkerchief.

       Anyhow, when I get back, the judge be scratchin his chin an he say the whole deal is " very peculiar, " but that he think I ought to go in the Army or somethin which might hep straighten me out. My mama inform him that the United States Army won't have me, account of I am a idiot, but that this very mornin a letter done come from up to the University sayin that if I will play football for them, I can go to school there scot free.

       The judge say that sounds kinda peculiar too, but it's okay with him so long as I get my big ass out of town.

       The nex mornin I am all packed up an Mama, she take me to the bus station an put me on the bus. I is lookin out the winder an there is Mama, cryin an wipin her eyes with her handkerchief. That is gettin to be a scene I know too well. It is stamped permanant into my memory. Anyhow, they started up the bus, an away I went.



3

       WHEN WE GIT UP TO THE UNIVERSITY, COACH BRYANT HE come out to the gym where we all settin in our shorts and sweatshirts an begin makin a speech. It bout the same kind of speech Coach Fellers would make, cept even a simpleton like mysef could tell this man mean bidness! His speech short an sweet, an conclude with the statement that the last man on the bus to the practice field will get a ride there not on the bus, but on Coach Bryant's shoe instead. Yessiree. We do not doubt his word, an stack ourselfs into the bus like flapjacks.

       All this was durin the month of August, which in the state of Alabama is somewhat hotter than it is elsewhere. That is to say, that if you put a egg on top of your football helmet it would be fried sunnyside up in about ten seconds. Of course nobody ever try that on account of it might get Coach Bryant angry. That was the one thing nobody wish to do, because life was almost intolerable as it was.

       Coach Bryant have his own goons to show me around. They take me to where I is gonna stay, which is a nice brick building on the campus that somebody says is called the " Ape Dorm. " Them goons escort me over there in a car an lead me upstairs to my room. Unfortunately, what might of looked nice from the outside was not true for the inside. At first, it appear that nobody had lived in this building for a long time, they was so much dirt an shit aroun, an most of the doors had been torn off they hinges an bashed in, an most of the winders are busted out too.

       A few of the fellers is lyin on they cots inside, wearin very little cause it about 110 degrees hot in there, an flies an things be hummin an buzzin. In the hall they is a big stack of newspapers, which at first I afraid they gonna make us read, it being college an all, but soon I learn they are for puttin down on the floor so's you don't have to step on all the dirt an shit when you walk aroun.

       The goons take me to my room an say they be hopin to find my roomate there, whose name is Curtis somebody, but he nowhere to be foun. So they get my stuff unpacked an show me where the bathroom is, which look worse than what you might expect to find at a one-pump gasoline station, an they be on they way. But before they go, one of the goons say Curtis an me should get on fine cause both of us have about as much brains as a eggplant. I look real hard at the goon what said that, cause I be tired of hearin all that shit, but he tell me to drop down and give him fifty pushups. After that, I just be doin what I'm tole.

       * * *

       I went to sleep on my cot after spreadin a sheet over it to cover up the dirt, an was havin a dream bout settin down in the parlor with my mama like we use to do when it was hot, an she'd fix me a limeade an talk to me hour after hour—an then suddenly the door of the room done crashed in flat an scare me haf to death! A feller be standin there in the doorway with a wild look on his face, eyes all bugged out, no teeth in front, nose look like a yeller squash an his hair standin straight up like he done stuck his thing in a light-socket. I figger this be Curtis.

       He come inside the room like he expectin somebody to pounce on him, lookin from side to side, an walk right over the door that he just caved in. Curtis ain't very tall, but he look like an icebox otherwise. First thing he axe me is where I'm from. When I say Mobile, he say that is a " candyass" town, an informs me he's from Opp, where they make peanut butter, an if I don't like it, he gonna open up a jar hissef an butter my butt with it! That were the extent of our conversation for a day or so.

       That afternoon at football practice it be about ten thousan degrees hot on the field, an all Coach Bryant's goons runnin roun scowlin an yellin at us an makin us exercise. My tongue hangin down like it was a necktie or somethin, but I tryin to do the right thing. Finally they divides up everbody an puts me with backs an we start to run pass patterns.

       Now before I come up to the University, they done sent me a package which contain about a million different football plays, an I done axed Coach Fellers what I'm spose to do with it an he jus shake his head sadly an say not to try to do nothin—jus to wait till I get to the University an let them figger somethin out.

       I wish I had not taken Coach Fellers' advice now, cause when I run out for my first pass I done turned the wrong way an the head goon come rushin up hollerin an shoutin at me an when he stop shoutin he axed me don't I study the plays they send me? When I says, " Uh, uh, " he commence to jump up an down an flail his arms like hornets is upon him, an when he calm down he tell me to go run five laps aroun the field wile he consult with Coach Bryant bout me.

       Coach Bryant be settin up in a great big tower lookin down on us like the Great Gawd Bud, I'm runnin the laps and watchin the goon clime up there, an when he get to the top an say his piece, Coach Bryant crane his neck forward an I feel his eyes burnin hot on my big stupid ass. Suddenly a voice come over a megaphone for everbody to hear, say, " Forrest Gump, report to the coachin tower, " an I seen Coach Bryant an the goon climin down. All the time I be runnin over there I am wishin I were runnin backwards instead.

       But imagine my surprise when I see Coach Bryant smilin. He motion me over to some bleachers an we set down an he axed me again if I'd not learnt them plays they send me. I begin to splain what Coach Fellers had tole me, but Coach Bryant he stop me an say for me to git back in the line an start catchin passes, an then I tole him somethin else I guess he didn't want to hear, which was that I had never even caught a pass at highschool, cause they figgered it hard enough to get me to remember where our own goaline is, let alone runnin aroun tryin to grap the ball outta the air too.

       At this news, Coach Bryant get a real odd squint in his eyes, an he look off in the distance, as if he was lookin all the way to the moon or somethin. Then he tell the goon to go fetch a football an when the football come, Coach Bryant hissef tell me to run out a little ways an turn aroun. When I do, he thowed the football at me. I see it comin almost like slow-motion but it bounce off my fingers an fall on the ground. Coach Bryant be noddin his head up an down like he should of figgered this out earlier, but somehow I get the idea he is not pleased.

       * * *

       From the time I'm little, ever time I do somethin wrong, my mama, she'd say, " Forrest, you got to be careful, cause they gonna put you away. " I was so scairt of bein put in this " away" place I'd always try to be better, but I'm damned if there's a worst place they could of sent me than this Ape Dorm thing I'm livin in.

       People be doin shit they wouldn't of tolerated even in the nut school—rippin out the toilets, for instance, so's you'd go to the bathroom an wouldn't fine nothin but a hole in the floor to shit in, an they'd have heaved the toilet out the winder onto the top of somebody's car drivin past. One night some big ole goofball what played in the line got out a rifle an commence to shoot out all the winders in somebody's fraternity house across the street.

       The campus cops come rushin over, but the feller drop a big outboard motor he found someplace out the winder onto the top of the cop car. Coach Bryant make him run a bunch of extra laps for doing that.

       Curtis an me ain't gettin along so hot, an I never been so lonely. I miss my mama, an wanta go back home.

       Trouble with Curtis is, I don't understand him. Everthing he say got so many cusswords in it, time I get to figgerin out what they are, I miss his point. Most of the time, I gather his point is that he ain't happy bout somethin.

       Curtis had a car an he used to give me a ride to practice, but one day I go to meet him an he cussin an growlin an bent over a big drain grate in the street. Seems he's got a flat tire an when he go to change it he put the lug nuts in his hubcap and accidentally knock em down into the drain. We fixin to be late to practice which was not real good to do, so's I say to Curtis, " Why don't you take one lug nut off each of them three other tires an that way you will have three nuts on each tire, which ought to be enough to get us to practice? "

       Curtis stop cussin for a moment an look up at me an say, " You supposed to be a idiot, how you figure that out? " An I say, " Maybe I am a idiot, but at least I ain't stupid, " an at this, Curtis jump up an commence chasin me with the tire tool, callin me ever terrible thing he can think up, an that pretty much ruin our relationship.

       After that, I decide I got to find another place to stay, so when we git off from practice I gone down into the basement of the Ape Dorm an spen the rest of the night there. It wadn't no dirtier than the upstairs rooms an there was an electric lightbulb. Nex day I moved my cot down there an from then on, it was where I lived.

       Meantime, school is done started an they got to figger out what to do with me. They was a guy with the atheletic department that seemed to do nothin but figger out how to get dummos to where they could pass a class. Some of the classes was sposed to be easy, such as Physical Education, an they enroll me in that. But also I have got to take one English course an one science or math, an there is no gettin aroun that. What I learnt later was that there was certain teachers that would give a football player a sort of break, meanin that they'd appreciate he is consumed with playin football an cannot spend much of his time on school. They was one of these teachers in the science department, but unfortunately, the only class he taught was somethin called

       " Intermediate Light, " which was apparently for graduate physics majors or something. But they put me in there anyhow, even though I didn't know physics from phys-ed.

       I was not so lucky in English. They apparently did not have no sympathetic people over in that department, so's they tole me just to go ahead an take the class an fail it, an they'd figger out somethin else later.

       In Intermediate Light, they provide me with a textbook that weigh five pounds an look like a Chinaman wrote it. But ever night I take it down to the basement an set on my cot under the lightbulb, an after a wile, for some peculiar reason, it begun to make sense. What did not make sense was why we was sposed to be doin it in the first place, but figgerin out them equations was easy as pie. Professor Hooks was my teacher's name, an after the first test, he axed me to come to his office after class. He say, " Forrest, I want you to tell me the truth, did somebody provide you the answers to these questions? " An I shake my head, an then he han me a sheet of paper with a problem written on it and says for me to set down an figger it out. When I'm thru, Professor Hooks look at what I done an shake his head an say, " Greatgodamighty. "

       English class was another deal entirely. The teacher is a Mister Boone, an he a very stern person who talk a lot. At the end of the first day, he say for us to set down that night an write a short autobiography of ourselfs for him. It's jus bout the most difficult thing I ever try to do, but I stay up most of the night, thinkin an writin, an I just say whatever come to mine on account of they tole me to fail the class anyhow.

       A few days later, Mister Boone start handin back our papers an he criticism an makin fun of everbody's autobiography. Then he come to what I done, an I figger I'm in the doghouse for sure. But he hold up my paper an start readin it out loud to everbody an he commences laughin an everbody else is too. I had tole bout bein in the nut school, an playin football for Coach Fellers an goin to the All State Football banquet, an about the daft board, an Jenny Curran an the movie an all. When he's thru, Mr. Boone, he say, " Now here is originality! Here is what I want, " an everbody turn an look at me, an he says, " Mister Gump, you ought to think about gettin into the creative writing department—how did you think this up? " An I says, " I got to pee. "

       Mister Boone kinda jump back for a secont, an then he bust out laughin an so does everbody else, an he says, " Mister Gump, you are a very amusing feller. "

       An so I am surprised again.

       * * *

       The first football game was on a Saturday a few weeks later. Most of the time practice had been pretty bad, till Coach Bryant figgered out what to do with me, which was bout what Coach Fellers had done at highschool.

       They jus give me the ball an let me run. I run good that day, an score four touchdowns, an we whip the University of Georgia 35 to 3 an everbody slappin me on the back till it hurt. After I get cleaned up I phoned my mama an she done listened to the game over the radio an is so happy she can bust! That night, everbody goin to parties an shit, but nobody axed me to any, so I go on down to the basement. I'm there a wile when I hear this kind of music comin from someplace upstairs and it's real pretty-like, an, I don't know why, but I went on up there to find out what it was.

       There was this guy, Bubba, settin in his room playin a mouth organ. He'd broke his foot in practice an couldn't play an didn't have nowhere to go either. He let me set on a cot an listen to him, we didn't talk or nothing, he jus settin on one cot an me on the other, an he's playing his harmonica. An after bout a hour I axed him if I could try it an he says, " Okay. " Little did I know that it would change my life forever.

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