Sister Carrie 22 страница

“I will, ” said Hurstwood.

He nodded good-morning and came away. At the corner he looked at the furniture company's address, and saw that it was in West Twenty-third Street. Accordingly, he went up there. The place was not large enough, however. It looked moderate, the men in it idle and small salaried. He walked by, glancing in, and then decided not to go in there.

“They want a girl, probably, at ten a week, ” he said.

At one o'clock he thought of eating, and went to a restaurant in Madison Square. There he pondered over places which he might look up. He was tired. It was blowing up grey again. Across the way, through Madison Square Park, stood the great hotels, looking down upon a busy scene. He decided to go over to the lobby of one and sit a while. It was warm in there and bright. He had seen no one he knew at the Broadway Central. In all likelihood he would encounter no one here. Finding a seat on one of the red plush divans close to the great windows which look out on Broadway's busy rout, he sat musing. His state did not seem so bad in here. Sitting still and looking out, he could take some slight consolation in the few hundred dollars he had in his purse. He could forget, in a measure, the weariness of the street and his tiresome searches. Still, it was only escape from a severe to a less severe state. He was still gloomy and disheartened. There, minutes seemed to go very slowly. An hour was a long, long time in passing. It was filled for him with observations and mental comments concerning the actual guests of the hotel, who passed in and out, and those more prosperous pedestrians whose good fortune showed in their clothes and spirits as they passed along Broadway, outside. It was nearly the first time since he had arrived in the city that his leisure afforded him ample opportunity to contemplate this spectacle. Now, being, perforce, idle himself, he wondered at the activity of others. How gay were the youths he saw, how pretty the women. Such fine clothes they all wore. They were so intent upon getting somewhere. He saw coquettish glances cast by magnificent girls. Ah, the money it required to train with such—how well he knew! How long it had been since he had had the opportunity to do so!

The clock outside registered four. It was a little early, but he thought he would go back to the flat.

This going back to the flat was coupled with the thought that Carrie would think he was sitting around too much if he came home early. He hoped he wouldn't have to, but the day hung heavily on his hands. Over there he was on his own ground. He could sit in his rocking-chair and read. This busy, distracting, suggestive scene was shut out. He could read his papers. Accordingly, he went home. Carrie was reading, quite alone. It was rather dark in the flat, shut in as it was.

“You'll hurt your eyes, ” he said when he saw her.

After taking off his coat, he felt it incumbent upon him to make some little report of his day.

“I've been talking with a wholesale liquor company, ” he said. “I may go on the road. ”

“Wouldn't that be nice! ” said Carrie. “It wouldn't be such a bad thing, ” he answered.

Always from the man at the corner now he bought two papers—the “Evening World” and “Evening Sun. ” So now he merely picked his papers up, as he came by, without stopping.

He drew up his chair near the radiator and lighted the gas. Then it was as the evening before. His difficulties vanished in the items he so well loved to read.

The next day was even worse than the one before, because now he could not think of where to go. Nothing he saw in the papers he studied—till ten o'clock—appealed to him. He felt that he ought to go out, and yet he sickened at the thought. Where to, where to?

“You mustn't forget to leave me my money for this week, ” said Carrie, quietly.

They had an arrangement by which he placed twelve dollars a week in her hands, out of which to pay current expenses. He heaved a little sigh as she said this, and drew out his purse. Again he felt the dread of the thing. Here he was taking off, taking off, and nothing coming in.

“Lord! ” he said, in his own thoughts, “this can't go on. ”

To Carrie he said nothing whatsoever. She could feel that her request disturbed him. To pay her would soon become a distressing thing.

“Yet, what have I got to do with it? ” she thought. “Oh, why should I be made to worry? ”

Hurstwood went out and made for Broadway. He wanted to think up some place. Before long, though, he reached the Grand Hotel at Thirty-first Street. He knew of its comfortable lobby. He was cold after his twenty blocks' walk.

“I'll go in their barber shop and get a shave, ” he thought.

Thus he justified himself in sitting down in here after his tonsorial treatment.

Again, time hanging heavily on his hands, he went home early, and this continued for several days, each day the need to hunt paining him, and each day disgust, depression, shamefacedness driving him into lobby idleness.

At last three days came in which a storm prevailed, and he did not go out at all. The snow began to fall late one afternoon. It was a regular flurry of large, soft, white flakes. In the morning it was still coming down with a high wind, and the papers announced a blizzard. From out the front windows one could see a deep, soft bedding.

“I guess I'll not try to go out to-day, ” he said to Carrie at breakfast. “It's going to be awful bad, so the papers say. ”

“The man hasn't brought my coal, either, ” said Carrie, who ordered by the bushel.

“I'll go over and see about it, ” said Hurstwood. This was the first time he had ever suggested doing an errand, but, somehow, the wish to sit about the house prompted it as a sort of compensation for the privilege.

All day and all night it snowed, and the city began to suffer from a general blockade of traffic. Great attention was given to the details of the storm by the newspapers, which played up the distress of the poor in large type.

Hurstwood sat and read by his radiator in the corner. He did not try to think about his need of work. This storm being so terrific, and tying up all things, robbed him of the need. He made himself wholly comfortable and toasted his feet.

Carrie observed his ease with some misgiving. For all the fury of the storm she doubted his comfort. He took his situation too philosophically.

Hurstwood, however, read on and on. He did not pay much attention to Carrie. She fulfilled her household duties and said little to disturb him.

The next day it was still snowing, and the next, bitter cold. Hurstwood took the alarm of the paper and sat still. Now he volunteered to do a few other little things. One was to go to the butcher, another to the grocery. He really thought nothing of these little services in connection with their true significance. He felt as if he were not wholly useless—indeed, in such a stress of weather, quite worth while about the house.

On the fourth day, however, it cleared, and he read that the storm was over. Now, however, he idled, thinking how sloppy the streets would be.

It was noon before he finally abandoned his papers and got under way. Owing to the slightly warmer temperature the streets were bad. He went across Fourteenth Street on the car and got a transfer south on Broadway. One little advertisement he had, relating to a saloon down in Pearl Street. When he reached the Broadway Central, however, he changed his mind.

“What's the use? ” he thought, looking out upon the slop and snow. “I couldn't buy into it. It's a thousand to one nothing comes of it. I guess I'll get off, ” and off he got. In the lobby he took a seat and waited again, wondering what he could do.

While he was idly pondering, satisfied to be inside, a welldressed man passed up the lobby, stopped, looked sharply, as if not sure of his memory, and then approached. Hurstwood recognised Cargill, the owner of the large stables in Chicago of the same name, whom he had last seen at Avery Hall, the night Carrie appeared there. The remembrance of how this individual brought up his wife to shake hands on that occasion was also on the instant clear.

Hurstwood was greatly abashed. His eyes expressed the difficulty he felt.

“Why, it's Hurstwood! ” said Cargill, remembering now, and sorry that he had not recognised him quickly enough in the beginning to have avoided this meeting.

“Yes, ” said Hurstwood. “How are you? ”

“Very well, ” said Cargill, troubled for something to talk about. “Stopping here? ”

“No, ” said Hurstwood, “just keeping an appointment. ” “I knew you had left Chicago. I was wondering what had become of you. ”

“Oh, I'm here now, ” answered Hurstwood, anxious to get away.

“Doing well, I suppose? ”

“Excellent. ”

“Glad to hear it. ”

They looked at one another, rather embarrassed.

“Well, I have an engagement with a friend upstairs. I'll leave you. So long. ”

Hurstwood nodded his head.

“Damn it all, ” he murmured, turning toward the door. “I knew that would happen. ”

He walked several blocks up the street. His watch only registered 1. 30. He tried to think of some place to go or something to do. The day was so bad he wanted only to be inside. Finally his feet began to feel wet and cold, and he boarded a car. This took him to Fifty-ninth Street, which was as good as anywhere else. Landed here, he turned to walk back along Seventh Avenue, but the slush was too much. The misery of lounging about with nowhere to go became intolerable. He felt as if he were catching cold.

Stopping at a corner, he waited for a car south bound. This was no day to be out; he would go home.

Carrie was surprised to see him at a quarter of three.

“It's a miserable day out, ” was all he said. Then he took off his coat and changed his shoes.

That night he felt a cold coming on and took quinine. He was feverish until morning, and sat about the next day while Carrie waited on him. He was a helpless creature in sickness, not very handsome in a dull-coloured bath gown and his hair uncombed. He looked haggard about the eyes and quite old. Carrie noticed this, and it did not appeal to her. She wanted to be goodnatured and sympathetic, but something about the man held her aloof.

Toward evening he looked so badly in the weak light that she suggested he go to bed.

“You'd better sleep alone, ” she said, “you'll feel better. I'll open your bed for you now. ”

“All right, ” he said.

As she did all these things, she was in a most despondent state.

“What a life! What a life! ” was her one thought.

Once during the day, when he sat near the radiator, hunched up and reading, she passed through, and seeing him, wrinkled her brows. In the front room, where it was not so warm, she sat by the window and cried. This was the life cut out for her, was it? To live cooped up in a small flat with some one who was out of work, idle, and indifferent to her. She was merely a servant to him now, nothing more.

This crying made her eyes red, and when, in preparing his bed, she lighted the gas, and, having prepared it, called him in, he noticed the fact.

“What's the matter with you? ” he asked, looking into her face. His voice was hoarse and his unkempt head only added to its grewsome quality.

“Nothing, ” said Carrie, weakly.

“You've been crying, ” he said.

“I haven't, either, ” she answered.

It was not for love of him, that he knew.

“You needn't cry, ” he said, getting into bed. “Things will come out all right. ”

In a day or two he was up again, but rough weather holding, he stayed in. The Italian newsdealer now delivered the morning papers, and these he read assiduously. A few times after that he ventured out, but meeting another of his old-time friends, he began to feel uneasy sitting about hotel corridors.

Every day he came home early, and at last made no pretence of going anywhere. Winter was no time to look for anything.

Naturally, being about the house, he noticed the way Carrie did things. She was far from perfect in household methods and economy, and her little deviations on this score first caught his eye. Not, however, before her regular demand for her allowance became a grievous thing. Sitting around as he did, the weeks seemed to pass very quickly. Every Tuesday Carrie asked for her money.

“Do you think we live as cheaply as we might? ” he asked one Tuesday morning.

“I do the best I can, ” said Carrie.

Nothing was added to this at the moment, but the next day he said:

“Do you ever go to the Gansevoort Market over here? ”

“I didn't know there was such a market, ” said Carrie.

“They say you can get things lots cheaper there. ”

Carrie was very indifferent to the suggestion. These were things which she did not like at all.

“How much do you pay for a pound of meat? ” he asked one day.

“Oh, there are different prices, ” said Carrie. “Sirloin steak is twenty-two cents. ”

“That's steep, isn't it? ” he answered.

So he asked about other things, until finally, with the passing days, it seemed to become a mania with him. He learned the prices and remembered them. His errand-running capacity also improved. It began in a small way, of course. Carrie, going to get her hat one morning, was stopped by him.

“Where are you going, Carrie? ” he asked.

“Over to the baker's, ” she answered.

“I'd just as leave go for you, ” he said.

She acquiesced, and he went. Each afternoon he would go to the corner for the papers.

“Is there anything you want? ” he would say.

By degrees she began to use him. Doing this, however, she lost the weekly payment of twelve dollars.

“You want to pay me to-day, ” she said one Tuesday, about this time.

“How much? ” he asked.

She understood well enough what it meant.

“Well, about five dollars, ” she answered. “I owe the coal man. ”

The same day he said:

“I think this Italian up here on the corner sells coal at twentyfive cents a bushel. I'll trade with him. ”

Carrie heard this with indifference.

“All right, ” she said.

Then it came to be:

“George, I must have some coal to-day, ” or, “You must get some meat of some kind for dinner. ”

He would find out what she needed and order.

Accompanying this plan came skimpiness.

“I only got a half-pound of steak, ” he said, coming in one afternoon with his papers. “We never seem to eat very much. ”

These miserable details ate the heart out of Carrie. They blackened her days and grieved her soul. Oh, how this man had changed! All day and all day, here he sat, reading his papers. The world seemed to have no attraction. Once in a while he would go out, in fine weather, it might be four or five hours, between eleven and four. She could do nothing but view him with gnawing contempt.

It was apathy with Hurstwood, resulting from his inability to see his way out. Each month drew from his small store. Now, he had only five hundred dollars left, and this he hugged, half feeling as if he could stave off absolute necessity for an indefinite period. Sitting around the house, he decided to wear some old clothes he had. This came first with the bad days. Only once he apologised in the very beginning:

“It's so bad to-day, I'll just wear these around. ” Eventually these became the permanent thing.

Also, he had been wont to pay fifteen cents for a shave, and a tip of ten cents. In his first distress, he cut down the tip to five, then to nothing. Later, he tried a ten-cent barber shop, and, finding that the shave was satisfactory, patronised regularly. Later still, he put off shaving to every other day, then to every third, and so on, until once a week became the rule. On Saturday he was a sight to see.

Of course, as his own self-respect vanished, it perished for him in Carrie. She could not understand what had gotten into the man. He had some money, he had a decent suit remaining, he was not bad looking when dressed up. She did not forget her own difficult struggle in Chicago, but she did not forget either that she had never ceased trying. He never tried. He did not even consult the ads in the papers any more.

Finally, a distinct impression escaped from her.

“What makes you put so much butter on the steak? ” he asked her one evening, standing around in the kitchen.

“To make it good, of course, ” she answered.

“Butter is awful dear these days, ” he suggested.

“You wouldn't mind it if you were working, ” she answered.

He shut up after this, and went in to his paper, but the retort rankled in his mind. It was the first cutting remark that had come from her.

That same evening, Carrie, after reading, went off to the front room to bed. This was unusual. When Hurstwood decided to go, he retired, as usual, without a light. It was then that he discovered Carrie's absence.

“That's funny, ” he said; “maybe she's sitting up. ”

He gave the matter no more thought, but slept. In the morning she was not beside him. Strange to say, this passed without comment.

Night approaching, and a slightly more conversational feeling prevailing, Carrie said:

“I think I'll sleep alone to-night. I have a headache. ”

“All right, ” said Hurstwood.

The third night she went to her front bed without apologies.

This was a grim blow to Hurstwood, but he never mentioned it.

“All right, ” he said to himself, with an irrepressible frown, “let her sleep alone. ”

Chapter XXXVI

A GRIM RETROGRESSION—THE PHANTOM OF CHANCE

The Vances, who had been back in the city ever since Christmas, had not forgotten Carrie; but they, or rather Mrs. Vance, had never called on her, for the very simple reason that Carrie had never sent her address. True to her nature, she corresponded with Mrs. Vance as long as she still lived in Seventy-eighth Street, but when she was compelled to move into Thirteenth, her fear that the latter would take it as an indication of reduced circumstances caused her to study some way of avoiding the necessity of giving her address. Not finding any convenient method, she sorrowfully resigned the privilege of writing to her friend entirely. The latter wondered at this strange silence, thought Carrie must have left the city, and in the end gave her up as lost. So she was thoroughly surprised to encounter her in Fourteenth Street, where she had gone shopping. Carrie was there for the same purpose.

“Why, Mrs. Wheeler, ” said Mrs. Vance, looking Carrie over in a glance, “where have you been? Why haven't you been to see me? I've been wondering all this time what had become of you. Really, I——”

“I'm so glad to see you, ” said Carrie, pleased and yet nonplussed. Of all times, this was the worst to encounter Mrs. Vance. “Why, I'm living down town here. I've been intending to come and see you. Where are you living now? ”

“In Fifty-eighth Street, ” said Mrs. Vance, “just off Seventh Avenue—218. Why don't you come and see me? ”

“I will, ” said Carrie. “Really, I've been wanting to come. I know I ought to. It's a shame. But you know——”

“What's your number? ” said Mrs. Vance.

“Thirteenth Street, ” said Carrie, reluctantly. “112 West. ”

“Oh, ” said Mrs. Vance, “that's right near here, isn't it? ”

“Yes, ” said Carrie. “You must come down and see me some time. ”

“Well, you're a fine one, ” said Mrs. Vance, laughing, the while noting that Carrie's appearance had modified somewhat. “The address, too, ” she added to herself. “They must be hard up. ”

Still she liked Carrie well enough to take her in tow.

“Come with me in here a minute, ” she exclaimed, turning into a store.

When Carrie returned home, there was Hurstwood, reading as usual. He seemed to take his condition with the utmost nonchalance. His beard was at least four days old.

“Oh, ” thought Carrie, “if she were to come here and see him? ”

She shook her head in absolute misery. It looked as if her situation was becoming unbearable.

Driven to desperation, she asked at dinner:

“Did you ever hear any more from that wholesale house? ”

“No, ” he said. “They don't want an inexperienced man. ”

Carrie dropped the subject, feeling unable to say more.

“I met Mrs. Vance this afternoon, ” she said, after a time.

“Did, eh? ” he answered.

“They're back in New York now, ” Carrie went on. “She did look so nice. ”

“Well, she can afford it as long as he puts up for it, ” returned Hurstwood. “He's got a soft job. ”

Hurstwood was looking into the paper. He could not see the look of infinite weariness and discontent Carrie gave him.

“She said she thought she'd call here some day. ”

“She's been long getting round to it, hasn't she? ” said Hurstwood, with a kind of sarcasm.

The woman didn't appeal to him from her spending side.

“Oh, I don't know, ” said Carrie, angered by the man's attitude. “Perhaps I didn't want her to come. ”

“She's too gay, ” said Hurstwood, significantly. “No one can keep up with her pace unless they've got a lot of money. ”

“Mr. Vance doesn't seem to find it very hard. ”

“He may not now, ” answered Hurstwood, doggedly, well understanding the inference; “but his life isn't done yet. You can't tell what'll happen. He may get down like anybody else. ”

There was something quite knavish in the man's attitude. His eye seemed to be cocked with a twinkle upon the fortunate, expecting their defeat. His own state seemed a thing apart—not considered.

This thing was the remains of his old-time cocksureness and independence. Sitting in his flat, and reading of the doings of other people, sometimes this independent, undefeated mood came upon him. Forgetting the weariness of the streets and the degradation of search, he would sometimes prick up his ears. It was as if he said:

“I can do something. I'm not down yet. There's a lot of things coming to me if I want to go after them. ”

It was in this mood that he would occasionally dress up, go for a shave, and, putting on his gloves, sally forth quite actively. Not with any definite aim. It was more a barometric condition. He felt just right for being outside and doing something.

On such occasions, his money went also. He knew of several poker rooms down town. A few acquaintances he had in downtown resorts and about the City Hall. It was a change to see them and exchange a few friendly commonplaces.

He had once been accustomed to hold a pretty fair hand at poker. Many a friendly game had netted him a hundred dollars or more at the time when that sum was merely sauce to the dish of the game— not the all in all. Now, he thought of playing.

“I might win a couple of hundred. I'm not out of practice. ”

It is but fair to say that this thought had occurred to him several times before he acted upon it. The poker room which he first invaded was over a saloon in West Street, near one of the ferries. He had been there before. Several games were going. These he watched for a time and noticed that the pots were quite large for the ante involved.

“Deal me a hand, ” he said at the beginning of a new shuffle. He pulled up a chair and studied his cards. Those playing made that quiet study of him which is so unapparent, and yet invariably so searching.

Poor fortune was with him at first. He received a mixed collection without progression or pairs. The pot was opened.

“I pass, ” he said.

On the strength of this, he was content to lose his ante. The deals did fairly by him in the long run, causing him to come away with a few dollars to the good.

The next afternoon he was back again, seeking amusement and profit. This time he followed up three of a kind to his doom. There was a better hand across the table, held by a pugnacious Irish youth, who was a political hanger-on of the Tammany district in which they were located. Hurstwood was surprised at the persistence of this individual, whose bets came with a sangfroid which, if a bluff, was excellent art. Hurstwood began to doubt, but kept, or thought to keep, at least, the cool demeanour with which, in olden times, he deceived those psychic students of the gaming table, who seem to read thoughts and moods, rather than exterior evidences, however subtle. He could not down the cowardly thought that this man had something better and would stay to the end, drawing his last dollar into the pot, should he choose to go so far. Still, he hoped to win much—his hand was excellent. Why not raise it five more?

“I raise you three, ” said the youth.

“Make it five, ” said Hurstwood, pushing out his chips.

“Come again, ” said the youth, pushing out a small pile of reds.

“Let me have some more chips, ” said Hurstwood to the keeper in charge, taking out a bill.

A cynical grin lit up the face of his youthful opponent. When the chips were laid out, Hurstwood met the raise.

“Five again, ” said the youth.

Hurstwood's brow was wet. He was deep in now—very deep for him. Sixty dollars of his good money was up. He was ordinarily no coward, but the thought of losing so much weakened him. Finally he gave way. He would not trust to this fine hand any longer.

“I call, ” he said.

“A full house! ” said the youth, spreading out his cards.

Hurstwood's hand dropped.

“I thought I had you, ” he said, weakly.

The youth raked in his chips, and Hurstwood came away, not without first stopping to count his remaining cash on the stair.

“Three hundred and forty dollars, ” he said.

With this loss and ordinary expenses, so much had already gone.

Back in the flat, he decided he would play no more.

Remembering Mrs. Vance's promise to call, Carrie made one other mild protest. It was concerning Hurstwood's appearance. This very day, coming home, he changed his clothes to the old togs he sat around in.

“What makes you always put on those old clothes? ” asked Carrie.

“What's the use wearing my good ones around here? ” he asked.

“Well, I should think you'd feel better. ” Then she added: “Some one might call. ”

“Who? ” he said.

“Well, Mrs. Vance, ” said Carrie.

“She needn't see me, ” he answered, sullenly.

This lack of pride and interest made Carrie almost hate him.

“Oh, ” she thought, “there he sits. 'She needn't see me. ' I should think he would be ashamed of himself. ”

The real bitterness of this thing was added when Mrs. Vance did call. It was on one of her shopping rounds. Making her way up the commonplace hall, she knocked at Carrie's door. To her subsequent and agonising distress, Carrie was out. Hurstwood opened the door, half-thinking that the knock was Carrie's. For once, he was taken honestly aback. The lost voice of youth and pride spoke in him.

“Why, ” he said, actually stammering, “how do you do? ”

“How do you do? ” said Mrs. Vance, who could scarcely believe her eyes. His great confusion she instantly perceived. He did not know whether to invite her in or not.

“Is your wife at home? ” she inquired.

“No, ” he said, “Carrie's out; but won't you step in? She'll be back shortly. ”

“No-o, ” said Mrs. Vance, realising the change of it all. “I'm really very much in a hurry. I thought I'd just run up and look in, but I couldn't stay. Just tell your wife she must come and see me. ”

“I will, ” said Hurstwood, standing back, and feeling intense relief at her going. He was so ashamed that he folded his hands weakly, as he sat in the chair afterwards, and thought.

Carrie, coming in from another direction, thought she saw Mrs. Vance going away. She strained her eyes, but could not make sure.

“Was anybody here just now? ” she asked of Hurstwood.

“Yes, ” he said guiltily; “Mrs. Vance. ”

“Did she see you? ” she asked, expressing her full despair. This cut Hurstwood like a whip, and made him sullen.

“If she had eyes, she did. I opened the door. ”

“Oh, ” said Carrie, closing one hand tightly out of sheer nervousness. “What did she have to say? ”

“Nothing, ” he answered. “She couldn't stay. ”

“And you looking like that! ” said Carrie, throwing aside a long reserve.

“What of it? ” he said, angering. “I didn't know she was coming, did I? ”

“You knew she might, ” said Carrie. “I told you she said she was coming. I've asked you a dozen times to wear your other clothes. Oh, I think this is just terrible. ”

“Oh, let up, ” he answered. “What difference does it make? You couldn't associate with her, anyway. They've got too much money.

“Who said I wanted to? ” said Carrie, fiercely.

“Well, you act like it, rowing around over my looks. You'd think I'd committed——”

Carrie interrupted:

“It's true, ” she said. “I couldn't if I wanted to, but whose fault is it? You're very free to sit and talk about who I could associate with. Why don't you get out and look for work? ”

This was a thunderbolt in camp.

“What's it to you? ” he said, rising, almost fiercely. “I pay the rent, don't I? I furnish the——”

“Yes, you pay the rent, ” said Carrie. “You talk as if there was nothing else in the world but a flat to sit around in. You haven't done a thing for three months except sit around and interfere here. I'd like to know what you married me for? ”

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