Sister Carrie 9 страница

“I am not very bad, ” he said, apologetically, as if he owed it to her to explain on this score. “You think, probably, that I roam around, and get into all sorts of evil? I have been rather reckless, but I could easily come out of that. I need you to draw me back, if my life ever amounts to anything. ”

Carrie looked at him with the tenderness which virtue ever feels in its hope of reclaiming vice. How could such a man need reclaiming? His errors, what were they, that she could correct? Small they must be, where all was so fine. At worst, they were gilded affairs, and with what leniency are gilded errors viewed. He put himself in such a lonely light that she was deeply moved.

“Is it that way? ” she mused.

He slipped his arm about her waist, and she could not find the heart to draw away. With his free hand he seized upon her fingers. A breath of soft spring wind went bounding over the road, rolling some brown twigs of the previous autumn before it. The horse paced leisurely on, unguided.

“Tell me, ” he said, softly, “that you love me. ”

Her eyes fell consciously.

“Own to it, dear, ” he said, feelingly; “you do, don't you? ”

She made no answer, but he felt his victory.

“Tell me, ” he said, richly, drawing her so close that their lips were near together. He pressed her hand warmly, and then released it to touch her cheek.

“You do? ” he said, pressing his lips to her own.

For answer, her lips replied.

“Now, ” he said, joyously, his fine eyes ablaze, “you're my own girl, aren't you? ”

By way of further conclusion, her head lay softly upon his shoulder.

Chapter XIV

WITH EYES AND NOT SEEING—ONE INFLUENCE WANES

Carrie in her rooms that evening was in a fine glow, physically and mentally. She was deeply rejoicing in her affection for Hurstwood and his love, and looked forward with fine fancy to their next meeting Sunday night. They had agreed, without any feeling of enforced secrecy, that she should come down town and meet him, though, after all, the need of it was the cause.

Mrs. Hale, from her upper window, saw her come in.

“Um, ” she thought to herself, “she goes riding with another man when her husband is out of the city. He had better keep an eye on her. ”

The truth is that Mrs. Hale was not the only one who had a thought on this score. The housemaid who had welcomed Hurstwood had her opinion also. She had no particular regard for Carrie, whom she took to be cold and disagreeable. At the same time, she had a fancy for the merry and easy-mannered Drouet, who threw her a pleasant remark now and then, and in other ways extended her the evidence of that regard which he had for all members of the sex. Hurstwood was more reserved and critical in his manner. He did not appeal to this bodiced functionary in the same pleasant way. She wondered that he came so frequently, that Mrs. Drouet should go out with him this afternoon when Mr. Drouet was absent. She gave vent to her opinions in the kitchen where the cook was. As a result, a hum of gossip was set going which moved about the house in that secret manner common to gossip.

Carrie, now that she had yielded sufficiently to Hurstwood to confess her affection, no longer troubled about her attitude towards him. Temporarily she gave little thought to Drouet, thinking only of the dignity and grace of her lover and of his consuming affection for her. On the first evening, she did little but go over the details of the afternoon. It was the first time her sympathies had ever been thoroughly aroused, and they threw a new light on her character. She had some power of initiative, latent before, which now began to exert itself. She looked more practically upon her state and began to see glimmerings of a way out. Hurstwood seemed a drag in the direction of honour. Her feelings were exceedingly creditable, in that they constructed out of these recent developments something which conquered freedom from dishonour. She had no idea what Hurstwood's next word would be. She only took his affection to be a fine thing, and appended better, more generous results accordingly.

As yet, Hurstwood had only a thought of pleasure without responsibility. He did not feel that he was doing anything to complicate his life. His position was secure, his home-life, if not satisfactory, was at least undisturbed, his personal liberty rather untrammelled. Carrie's love represented only so much added pleasure. He would enjoy this new gift over and above his ordinary allowance of pleasure. He would be happy with her and his own affairs would go on as they had, undisturbed.

On Sunday evening Carrie dined with him at a place he had selected in East Adams Street, and thereafter they took a cab to what was then a pleasant evening resort out on Cottage Grove Avenue near 39th Street. In the process of his declaration he soon realised that Carrie took his love upon a higher basis than he had anticipated. She kept him at a distance in a rather earnest way, and submitted only to those tender tokens of affection which better become the inexperienced lover. Hurstwood saw that she was not to be possessed for the asking, and deferred pressing his suit too warmly.

Since he feigned to believe in her married state he found that he had to carry out the part. His triumph, he saw, was still at a little distance. How far he could not guess.

They were returning to Ogden Place in the cab, when he asked:

“When will I see you again? ”

“I don't know, ” she answered, wondering herself.

“Why not come down to The Fair, ” he suggested, “next Tuesday? ”

She shook her head.

“Not so soon, ” she answered.

“I'll tell you what I'll do, ” he added. “I'll write you, care of this West Side Post-office. Could you call next Tuesday? ”

Carrie assented.

The cab stopped one door out of the way according to his call.

“Good-night, ” he whispered, as the cab rolled away.

Unfortunately for the smooth progression of this affair, Drouet returned. Hurstwood was sitting in his imposing little office the next afternoon when he saw Drouet enter.

“Why, hello, Charles, ” he called affably; “back again? ”

“Yes, ” smiled Drouet, approaching and looking in at the door.

Hurstwood arose.

“Well, ” he said, looking the drummer over, “rosy as ever, eh? ”

They began talking of the people they knew and things that had happened.

“Been home yet? ” finally asked Hurstwood.

“No, I am going, though, ” said Drouet.

“I remembered the little girl out there, ” said Hurstwood, “and called once. Thought you wouldn't want her left quite alone. ”

“Right you are, ” agreed Drouet. “How is she? ”

“Very well, ” said Hurstwood. “Rather anxious about you though. You'd better go out now and cheer her up. ”

“I will, ” said Drouet, smilingly.

“Like to have you both come down and go to the show with me Wednesday, ” concluded Hurstwood at parting.

“Thanks, old man, ” said his friend, “I'll see what the girl says and let you know. ”

They separated in the most cordial manner.

“There's a nice fellow, ” Drouet thought to himself as he turned the corner towards Madison.

“Drouet is a good fellow, ” Hurstwood thought to himself as he went back into his office, “but he's no man for Carrie. ”

The thought of the latter turned his mind into a most pleasant vein, and he wandered how he would get ahead of the drummer.

When Drouet entered Carrie's presence, he caught her in his arms as usual, but she responded to his kiss with a tremour of opposition.

“Well, ” he said, “I had a great trip. ”

“Did you? How did you come out with that La Crosse man you were telling me about? ”

“Oh, fine; sold him a complete line. There was another fellow there, representing Burnstein, a regular hook-nosed sheeny, but he wasn't in it. I made him look like nothing at all. ”

As he undid his collar and unfastened his studs, preparatory to washing his face and changing his clothes, he dilated upon his trip. Carrie could not help listening with amusement to his animated descriptions.

“I tell you, ” he said, “I surprised the people at the office. I've sold more goods this last quarter than any other man of our house on the road. I sold three thousand dollars' worth in La Crosse. ”

He plunged his face in a basin of water, and puffed and blew as he rubbed his neck and ears with his hands, while Carrie gazed upon him with mingled thoughts of recollection and present judgment. He was still wiping his face, when he continued:

“I'm going to strike for a raise in June. They can afford to pay it, as much business as I turn in. I'll get it too, don't you forget. ”

“I hope you do, ” said Carrie.

“And then if that little real estate deal I've got on goes through, we'll get married, ” he said with a great show of earnestness, the while he took his place before the mirror and began brushing his hair.

“I don't believe you ever intend to marry me, Charlie, ” Carrie said ruefully. The recent protestations of Hurstwood had given her courage to say this.

“Oh, yes I do—course I do—what put that into your head? ”

He had stopped his trifling before the mirror now and crossed over to her. For the first time Carrie felt as if she must move away from him.

“But you've been saying that so long, ” she said, looking with her pretty face upturned into his.

“Well, and I mean it too, but it takes money to live as I want to. Now, when I get this increase, I can come pretty near fixing things all right, and I'll do it. Now, don't you worry, girlie. ”

He patted her reassuringly upon the shoulder, but Carrie felt how really futile had been her hopes. She could clearly see that this easy-going soul intended no move in her behalf. He was simply letting things drift because he preferred the free round of his present state to any legal trammellings.

In contrast, Hurstwood appeared strong and sincere. He had no easy manner of putting her off. He sympathised with her and showed her what her true value was. He needed her, while Drouet did not care.

“Oh, no, ” she said remorsefully, her tone reflecting some of her own success and more of her helplessness, “you never will. ”

“Well, you wait a little while and see, ” he concluded. “I'll marry you all right. ”

Carrie looked at him and felt justified. She was looking for something which would calm her conscience, and here it was, a light, airy disregard of her claims upon his justice. He had faithfully promised to marry her, and this was the way he fulfilled his promise.

“Say, ” he said, after he had, as he thought, pleasantly disposed of the marriage question, “I saw Hurstwood to-day, and he wants us to go to the theatre with him. ”

Carrie started at the name, but recovered quickly enough to avoid notice.

“When? ” she asked, with assumed indifference.

“Wednesday. We'll go, won't we? ”

“If you think so, ” she answered, her manner being so enforcedly reserved as to almost excite suspicion. Drouet noticed something but he thought it was due to her feelings concerning their talk about marriage. “He called once, he said. ”

“Yes, ” said Carrie, “he was out here Sunday evening. ”

“Was he? ” said Drouet. “I thought from what he said that he had called a week or so ago. ”

“So he did, ” answered Carrie, who was wholly unaware of what conversation her lovers might have held. She was all at sea mentally, and fearful of some entanglement which might ensue from what she would answer.

“Oh, then he called twice? ” said Drouet, the first shade of misunderstanding showing in his face.

“Yes, ” said Carrie innocently, feeling now that Hurstwood must have mentioned but one call.

Drouet imagined that he must have misunderstood his friend. He did not attach particular importance to the information, after all.

“What did he have to say? ” he queried, with slightly increased curiosity.

“He said he came because he thought I might be lonely. You hadn't been in there so long he wondered what had become of you. ”

“George is a fine fellow, ” said Drouet, rather gratified by his conception of the manager's interest. “Come on and we'll go out to dinner. ”

When Hurstwood saw that Drouet was back he wrote at once to Carrie, saying:

“I told him I called on you, dearest, when he was away. I did not say how often, but he probably thought once. Let me know of anything you may have said. Answer by special messenger when you get this, and, darling, I must see you. Let me know if you can't meet me at Jackson and Throop Streets Wednesday afternoon at two o'clock. I want to speak with you before we meet at the theatre. ”

Carrie received this Tuesday morning when she called at the West Side branch of the post-office, and answered at once.

“I said you called twice, ” she wrote. “He didn't seem to mind. I will try and be at Throop Street if nothing interferes. I seem to be getting very bad. It's wrong to act as I do, I know. ”

Hurstwood, when he met her as agreed, reassured her on this score.

“You mustn't worry, sweetheart, ” he said. “Just as soon as he goes on the road again we will arrange something. We'll fix it so that you won't have to deceive any one. ”

Carrie imagined that he would marry her at once, though he had not directly said so, and her spirits rose. She proposed to make the best of the situation until Drouet left again.

“Don't show any more interest in me than you ever have, ” Hurstwood counselled concerning the evening at the theatre.

“You mustn't look at me steadily then, ” she answered, mindful of the power of his eyes.

“I won't, ” he said, squeezing her hand at parting and giving the glance she had just cautioned against.

“There, ” she said playfully, pointing a finger at him.

“The show hasn't begun yet, ” he returned.

He watched her walk from him with tender solicitation. Such youth and prettiness reacted upon him more subtly than wine.

At the theatre things passed as they had in Hurstwood's favour. If he had been pleasing to Carrie before, how much more so was he now. His grace was more permeating because it found a readier medium. Carrie watched his every movement with pleasure. She almost forgot poor Drouet, who babbled on as if he were the host.

Hurstwood was too clever to give the slightest indication of a change. He paid, if anything, more attention to his old friend than usual, and yet in no way held him up to that subtle ridicule which a lover in favour may so secretly practise before the mistress of his heart. If anything, he felt the injustice of the game as it stood, and was not cheap enough to add to it the slightest mental taunt.

Only the play produced an ironical situation, and this was due to Drouet alone.

The scene was one in “The Covenant, ” in which the wife listened to the seductive voice of a lover in the absence of her husband.

“Served him right, ” said Drouet afterward, even in view of her keen expiation of her error. “I haven't any pity for a man who would be such a chump as that. ”

“Well, you never can tell, ” returned Hurstwood gently. “He probably thought he was right. ”

“Well, a man ought to be more attentive than that to his wife if he wants to keep her. ”

They had come out of the lobby and made their way through the showy crush about the entrance way.

“Say, mister, ” said a voice at Hurstwood's side, “would you mind giving me the price of a bed? ”

Hurstwood was interestedly remarking to Carrie.

“Honest to God, mister, I'm without a place to sleep. ”

The plea was that of a gaunt-faced man of about thirty, who looked the picture of privation and wretchedness. Drouet was the first to see. He handed over a dime with an upwelling feeling of pity in his heart. Hurstwood scarcely noticed the incident. Carrie quickly forgot.

Chapter XV

THE IRK OF THE OLD TIES—THE MAGIC OF YOUTH

The complete ignoring by Hurstwood of his own home came with the growth of his affection for Carrie. His actions, in all that related to his family, were of the most perfunctory kind. He sat at breakfast with his wife and children, absorbed in his own fancies, which reached far without the realm of their interests. He read his paper, which was heightened in interest by the shallowness of the themes discussed by his son and daughter. Between himself and his wife ran a river of indifference.

Now that Carrie had come, he was in a fair way to be blissful again. There was delight in going down town evenings. When he walked forth in the short days, the street lamps had a merry twinkle. He began to experience the almost forgotten feeling which hastens the lover's feet. When he looked at his fine clothes, he saw them with her eyes—and her eyes were young.

When in the flush of such feelings he heard his wife's voice, when the insistent demands of matrimony recalled him from dreams to a stale practice, how it grated. He then knew that this was a chain which bound his feet.

“George, ” said Mrs. Hurstwood, in that tone of voice which had long since come to be associated in his mind with demands, “we want you to get us a season ticket to the races. ”

“Do you want to go to all of them? ” he said with a rising inflection.

“Yes, ” she answered.

The races in question were soon to open at Washington Park, on the South Side, and were considered quite society affairs among those who did not affect religious rectitude and conservatism. Mrs. Hurstwood had never asked for a whole season ticket before, but this year certain considerations decided her to get a box. For one thing, one of her neighbours, a certain Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey, who were possessors of money, made out of the coal business, had done so. In the next place, her favourite physician, Dr. Beale, a gentleman inclined to horses and betting, had talked with her concerning his intention to enter a two-yearold in the Derby. In the third place, she wished to exhibit Jessica, who was gaining in maturity and beauty, and whom she hoped to marry to a man of means. Her own desire to be about in such things and parade among her acquaintances and common throng was as much an incentive as anything.

Hurstwood thought over the proposition a few moments without answering. They were in the sitting room on the second floor, waiting for supper. It was the evening of his engagement with Carrie and Drouet to see “The Covenant, ” which had brought him home to make some alterations in his dress.

“You're sure separate tickets wouldn't do as well? ” he asked, hesitating to say anything more rugged.

“No, ” she replied impatiently.

“Well, ” he said, taking offence at her manner, “you needn't get mad about it. I'm just asking you. ”

“I'm not mad, ” she snapped. “I'm merely asking you for a season ticket. ”

“And I'm telling you, ” he returned, fixing a clear, steady eye on her, “that it's no easy thing to get. I'm not sure whether the manager will give it to me. ”

He had been thinking all the time of his “pull” with the racetrack magnates.

“We can buy it then, ” she exclaimed sharply.

“You talk easy, ” he said. “A season family ticket costs one hundred and fifty dollars. ”

“I'll not argue with you, ” she replied with determination. “I want the ticket and that's all there is to it. ”

She had risen, and now walked angrily out of the room.

“Well, you get it then, ” he said grimly, though in a modified tone of voice.

As usual, the table was one short that evening.

The next morning he had cooled down considerably, and later the ticket was duly secured, though it did not heal matters. He did not mind giving his family a fair share of all that he earned, but he did not like to be forced to provide against his will.

“Did you know, mother, ” said Jessica another day, “the Spencers are getting ready to go away? ”

“No. Where, I wonder? ”

“Europe, ” said Jessica. “I met Georgine yesterday and she told me. She just put on more airs about it. ”

“Did she say when? ”

“Monday, I think. They'll get a notice in the papers again—they always do. ”

“Never mind, ” said Mrs. Hurstwood consolingly, “we'll go one of these days. ”

Hurstwood moved his eyes over the paper slowly, but said nothing.

“'We sail for Liverpool from New York, '” Jessica exclaimed, mocking her acquaintance. “'Expect to spend most of the “summah” in France, '—vain thing. As If it was anything to go to Europe. ”

“It must be if you envy her so much, ” put in Hurstwood.

It grated upon him to see the feeling his daughter displayed.

“Don't worry over them, my dear, ” said Mrs. Hurstwood.

“Did George get off? ” asked Jessica of her mother another day, thus revealing something that Hurstwood had heard nothing about.

“Where has he gone? ” he asked, looking up. He had never before been kept in ignorance concerning departures.

“He was going to Wheaton, ” said Jessica, not noticing the slight put upon her father.

“What's out there? ” he asked, secretly irritated and chagrined to think that he should be made to pump for information in this manner.

“A tennis match, ” said Jessica.

“He didn't say anything to me, ” Hurstwood concluded, finding it difficult to refrain from a bitter tone.

“I guess he must have forgotten, ” exclaimed his wife blandly. In the past he had always commanded a certain amount of respect, which was a compound of appreciation and awe. The familiarity which in part still existed between himself and his daughter he had courted. As it was, it did not go beyond the light assumption of words. The TONE was always modest. Whatever had been, however, had lacked affection, and now he saw that he was losing track of their doings. His knowledge was no longer intimate. He sometimes saw them at table, and sometimes did not. He heard of their doings occasionally, more often not. Some days he found that he was all at sea as to what they were talking about—things they had arranged to do or that they had done in his absence. More affecting was the feeling that there were little things going on of which he no longer heard. Jessica was beginning to feel that her affairs were her own. George, Jr., flourished about as if he were a man entirely and must needs have private matters. All this Hurstwood could see, and it left a trace of feeling, for he was used to being considered—in his official position, at least—and felt that his importance should not begin to wane here. To darken it all, he saw the same indifference and independence growing in his wife, while he looked on and paid the bills.

He consoled himself with the thought, however, that, after all, he was not without affection. Things might go as they would at his house, but he had Carrie outside of it. With his mind's eye he looked into her comfortable room in Ogden Place, where he had spent several such delightful evenings, and thought how charming it would be when Drouet was disposed of entirely and she was waiting evenings in cosey little quarters for him. That no cause would come up whereby Drouet would be led to inform Carrie concerning his married state, he felt hopeful. Things were going so smoothly that he believed they would not change. Shortly now he would persuade Carrie and all would be satisfactory.

The day after their theatre visit he began writing her regularly— a letter every morning, and begging her to do as much for him. He was not literary by any means, but experience of the world and his growing affection gave him somewhat of a style. This he exercised at his office desk with perfect deliberation. He purchased a box of delicately coloured and scented writing paper in monogram, which he kept locked in one of the drawers. His friends now wondered at the cleric and very official-looking nature of his position. The five bartenders viewed with respect the duties which could call a man to do so much desk-work and penmanship.

Hurstwood surprised himself with his fluency. By the natural law which governs all effort, what he wrote reacted upon him. He began to feel those subtleties which he could find words to express. With every expression came increased conception. Those inmost breathings which there found words took hold upon him. He thought Carrie worthy of all the affection he could there express.

Carrie was indeed worth loving if ever youth and grace are to command that token of acknowledgment from life in their bloom. Experience had not yet taken away that freshness of the spirit which is the charm of the body. Her soft eyes contained in their liquid lustre no suggestion of the knowledge of disappointment. She had been troubled in a way by doubt and longing, but these had made no deeper impression than could be traced in a certain open wistfulness of glance and speech. The mouth had the expression at times, in talking and in repose, of one who might be upon the verge of tears. It was not that grief was thus ever present. The pronunciation of certain syllables gave to her lips this peculiarity of formation—a formation as suggestive and moving as pathos itself.

There was nothing bold in her manner. Life had not taught her domination—superciliousness of grace, which is the lordly power of some women. Her longing for consideration was not sufficiently powerful to move her to demand it. Even now she lacked self-assurance, but there was that in what she had already experienced which left her a little less than timid. She wanted pleasure, she wanted position, and yet she was confused as to what these things might be. Every hour the kaleidoscope of human affairs threw a new lustre upon something, and therewith it became for her the desired—the all. Another shift of the box, and some other had become the beautiful, the perfect.

On her spiritual side, also, she was rich in feeling, as such a nature well might be. Sorrow in her was aroused by many a spectacle—an uncritical upwelling of grief for the weak and the helpless. She was constantly pained by the sight of the whitefaced, ragged men who slopped desperately by her in a sort of wretched mental stupor. The poorly clad girls who went blowing by her window evenings, hurrying home from some of the shops of the West Side, she pitied from the depths of her heart. She would stand and bite her lips as they passed, shaking her little head and wondering. They had so little, she thought. It was so sad to be ragged and poor. The hang of faded clothes pained her eyes.

“And they have to work so hard! ” was her only comment.

On the street sometimes she would see men working—Irishmen with picks, coal-heavers with great loads to shovel, Americans busy about some work which was a mere matter of strength—and they touched her fancy. Toil, now that she was free of it, seemed even a more desolate thing than when she was part of it. She saw it through a mist of fancy—a pale, sombre half-light, which was the essence of poetic feeling. Her old father, in his flourdusted miller's suit, sometimes returned to her in memory, revived by a face in a window. A shoemaker pegging at his last, a blastman seen through a narrow window in some basement where iron was being melted, a bench-worker seen high aloft in some window, his coat off, his sleeves rolled up; these took her back in fancy to the details of the mill. She felt, though she seldom expressed them, sad thoughts upon this score. Her sympathies were ever with that under-world of toil from which she had so recently sprung, and which she best understood.

Though Hurstwood did not know it, he was dealing with one whose feelings were as tender and as delicate as this. He did not know, but it was this in her, after all, which attracted him. He never attempted to analyse the nature of his affection. It was sufficient that there was tenderness in her eye, weakness in her manner, good nature and hope in her thoughts. He drew near this lily, which had sucked its waxen beauty and perfume from below a depth of waters which he had never penetrated, and out of ooze and mould which he could not understand. He drew near because it was waxen and fresh. It lightened his feelings for him. It made the morning worth while.

In a material way, she was considerably improved. Her awkwardness had all but passed, leaving, if anything, a quaint residue which was as pleasing as perfect grace. Her little shoes now fitted her smartly and had high heels. She had learned much about laces and those little neckpieces which add so much to a woman's appearance. Her form had filled out until it was admirably plump and well-rounded.

Hurstwood wrote her one morning, asking her to meet him in Jefferson Park, Monroe Street. He did not consider it policy to call any more, even when Drouet was at home.

The next afternoon he was in the pretty little park by one, and had found a rustic bench beneath the green leaves of a lilac bush which bordered one of the paths. It was at that season of the year when the fulness of spring had not yet worn quite away. At a little pond near by some cleanly dressed children were sailing white canvas boats. In the shade of a green pagoda a bebuttoned officer of the law was resting, his arms folded, his club at rest in his belt. An old gardener was upon the lawn, with a pair of pruning shears, looking after some bushes. High overhead was the clean blue sky of the new summer, and in the thickness of the shiny green leaves of the trees hopped and twittered the busy sparrows.

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