Sister Carrie 37 страница

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singing and dreaming.

Thus in life there is ever the intellectual and the emotional nature--

the mind that reasons, and the mind that feels. Of one come the men of

action--generals and statesmen; of the other, the poets and dreamers--

artists all.

As harps in the wind, the latter respond to every breath of fancy,

voicing in their moods all the ebb and flow of the ideal.

Man has not yet comprehended the dreamer any more than he has the

ideal. For him the laws and morals of the world are unduly severe.

Ever hearkening to the sound of beauty, straining for the flash of its

distant wings, he watches to follow, wearying his feet in traveling.

So watched Carrie, so followed, rocking and singing.

And it must be remembered that reason had little part in this. Chicago

dawning, she saw the city offering more of loveliness than she had ever

known, and instinctively, by force of her moods alone, clung to it. In

fine raiment and elegant surroundings, men seemed to be contented.

Hence, she drew near these things. Chicago, New York; Drouet,

Hurstwood; the world of fashion and the world of stage--these were but

incidents. Not them, but that which they represented, she longed for.

Time proved the representation false.

Oh, the tangle of human life! How dimly as yet we see. Here was

Carrie, in the beginning poor, unsophisticated. emotional; responding

with desire to everything most lovely in life, yet finding herself

turned as by a wall. Laws to say: " Be allured, if you will, by

everything lovely, but draw not nigh unless by righteousness. "

Convention to say: " You shall not better your situation save by honest

labor. " If honest labor be unremunerative and difficult to endure; if

it be the long, long road which never reaches beauty, but wearies the

feet and the heart; if the drag to follow beauty be such that one

abandons the admired way, taking rather the despised path leading to

her dreams quickly, who shall cast the first stone? Not evil, but

longing for that which is better, more often directs the steps of the

erring. Not evil, but goodness more often allures the feeling mind

unused to reason.

Amid the tinsel and shine of her state walked Carrie, unhappy. As when

Drouet took her, she had thought: " Now I am lifted into that which is

best"; as when Hurstwood seemingly offered her the better way: " Now am

I happy. " But since the world goes its way past all who will not

partake of its folly, she now found herself alone. Her purse was open

to him whose need was greatest. In her walks on Broadway, she no

longer thought of the elegance of the creatures who passed her. Had

they more of that peace and beauty which glimmered afar off, then were

they to be envied.

Drouet abandoned his claim and was seen no more. Of Hurstwood's death

she was not even aware. A slow, black boat setting out from the pier

at Twenty-seventh Street upon its weekly errand bore, with many others,

his nameless body to the Potter's Field.

Thus passed all that was of interest concerning these twain in their

relation to her. Their influence upon her life is explicable alone by

the nature of her longings. Time was when both represented for her all

that was most potent in earthly success. They were the personal

representatives of a state most blessed to attain--the titled

ambassadors of comfort and peace, aglow with their credentials. It is

but natural that when the world which they represented no longer

allured her, its ambassadors should be discredited. Even had Hurstwood

returned in his original beauty and glory, he could not now have

allured her. She had learned that in his world, as in her own present

state, was not happiness.

Sitting alone, she was now an illustration of the devious ways by which

one who feels, rather than reasons, may be led in the pursuit of

beauty. Though often disillusioned, she was still waiting for that

halcyon day when she would be led forth among dreams become real. Ames

had pointed out a farther step, but on and on beyond that, if

accomplished, would lie others for her. It was forever to be the

pursuit of that radiance of delight which tints the distant hilltops of

the world.

Oh, Carrie, Carrie! Oh, blind strivings of the human heart! Onward

onward, it saith, and where beauty leads, there it follows. Whether it

be the tinkle of a lone sheep bell o'er some quiet landscape, or the

glimmer of beauty in sylvan places, or the show of soul in some passing

eye, the heart knows and makes answer, following. It is when the feet

weary and hope seems vain that the heartaches and the longings arise.

Know, then, that for you is neither surfeit nor content. In your

rocking chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your

rocking chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you

may never feel.

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