9 THEORY. 10 INTERROGATIONS

9 THEORY

" Can I ask just one more? " I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street. He didn't seem to be paying any attention to the road.

He sighed.

" One, " he agreed. His lips pressed together into a cautious line.

" Well… you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that. "

He looked away, deliberating.

" I thought we were past all the evasiveness, " I grumbled.

He almost smiled.

" Fine, then. I followed your scent. " He looked at the road, giving me time to compose my face. I couldn't think of an acceptable response to that, but I filed it carefully away for future study. I tried to refocus. I wasn't ready to let him be finished, now that he was finally explaining things.

" And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…" I stalled.

He looked at me with disapproval. " Which one? "

" How does it work – the mind‑ reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…? " I felt silly, asking for clarification on make‑ believe.

" That's more than one, " he pointed out. I simply intertwined my fingers and gazed at him, waiting.

" No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's… 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles. " He paused thoughtfully. " It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum – a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear.

" Most of the time I tune it all out – it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal" – he frowned as he said the word – " when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words. "

" Why do you think you can't hear me? " I asked curiously.

He looked at me, his eyes enigmatic.

" I don't know, " he murmured. " The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM. " He grinned at me, suddenly amused.

" My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak? " The words bothered me more than they should – probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.

" I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that you're the freak, " he laughed. " Don't worry, it's just a theory…" His face tightened. " Which brings us back to you. "

I sighed. How to begin?

" Aren't we past all the evasions now? " he reminded me softly.

I looked away from his face for the first time, trying to find words. I happened to notice the speedometer.

" Holy crow! " I shouted. " Slow down! "

" What's wrong? " He was startled. But the car didn't decelerate.

" You're going a hundred miles an hour! " I was still shouting. I shot a panicky glance out the window, but it was too dark to see much. The road was only visible in the long patch of bluish brightness from the headlights. The forest along both sides of the road was like a black wall – as hard as a wall of steel if we veered off the road at this speed.

" Relax, Bella. " He rolled his eyes, still not slowing.

" Are you trying to kill us? " I demanded.

" We're not going to crash. "

I tried to modulate my voice. " Why are you in such a hurry? "

" I always drive like this. " He turned to smile crookedly at me.

" Keep your eyes on the road! "

" I've never been in an accident, Bella – I've never even gotten a ticket. " He grinned and tapped his forehead. " Built‑ in radar detector. "

" Very funny. " I fumed. " Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away. "

" Probably, " he agreed with a short, hard laugh. " But you can't. " He sighed, and I watched with relief as the needle gradually drifted toward eighty. " Happy? "

" Almost. "

" I hate driving slow, " he muttered.

" This is slow? "

" Enough commentary on my driving, " he snapped. " I'm still waiting for your latest theory. "

I bit my lip. He looked down at me, his honey eyes unexpectedly gentle.

" I won't laugh, " he promised.

" I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me. "

" Is it that bad? "

" Pretty much, yeah. "

He waited. I was looking down at my hands, so I couldn't see his expression.

" Go ahead. " His voice was calm.

" I don't know how to start, " I admitted.

" Why don't you start at the beginning… you said you didn't come up with this on your own. "

" No. "

" What got you started – a book? A movie? " he probed.

" No – it was Saturday, at the beach. " I risked a glance up at his face. He looked puzzled.

" I ran into an old family friend –Jacob Black, " I continued. " His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby. "

He still looked confused.

" His dad is one of the Quileute elders. " I watched him carefully. His confused expression froze in place.

" We went for a walk –" I edited all my scheming out of the story " – and he was telling me some old legends – trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" I hesitated.

" Go on, " he said.

" About vampires. " I realized I was whispering. I couldn't look at his face now. But I saw his knuckles tighten convulsively on the wheel.

" And you immediately thought of me? " Still calm.

" No. He… mentioned your family. "

He was silent, staring at the road.

I was worried suddenly, worried about protecting Jacob.

" He just thought it was a silly superstition, " I said quickly. " He didn't expect me to think anything of it. " It didn't seem like enough; I had to confess. " It was my fault, I forced him to tell me. "

" Why? "

" Lauren said something about you – she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him, " I admitted, hanging my head.

He startled me by laughing. I glared up at him. He was laughing, but his eyes were fierce, staring ahead.

" Tricked him how? " he asked.

" I tried to flirt – it worked better than I thought it would. " Disbelief colored my tone as I remembered.

" I'd like to have seen that. " He chuckled darkly. " And you accused me of dazzling people – poor Jacob Black. "

I blushed and looked out my window into the night.

" What did you do then? " he asked after a minute.

" I did some research on the Internet. "

" And did that convince you? " His voice sounded barely interested. But his hands were clamped hard onto the steering wheel.

" No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…" I stopped.

" What? "

" I decided it didn't matter, " I whispered.

" It didn't matter? " His tone made me look up – I had finally broken through his carefully composed mask. His face was incredulous, with just a hint of the anger I'd feared.

" No, " I said softly. " It doesn't matter to me what you are. "

A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. " You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human! "

" No. "

He was silent, staring straight ahead again. His face was bleak and cold.

" You're angry, " I sighed. " I shouldn't have said anything. "

" No, " he said, but his tone was as hard as his face. " I'd rather know what you're thinking – even if what you're thinking is insane. "

" So I'm wrong again? " I challenged.

" That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'! " he quoted, gritting his teeth together.

" I'm right? " I gasped.

" Does it matter? "

I took a deep breath.

" Not really. " I paused. " But I am curious. " My voice, at least, was composed.

He was suddenly resigned. " What are you curious about? "

" How old are you? "

" Seventeen, " he answered promptly.

" And how long have you been seventeen? "

His lips twitched as he stared at the road. " A while, " he admitted at last.

" Okay. " I smiled, pleased that he was still being honest with me. He stared down at me with watchful eyes, much as he had before, when he was worried I would go into shock. I smiled wider in encouragement, and he frowned.

" Don't laugh – but how can you come out during the daytime? "

He laughed anyway. " Myth. "

" Burned by the sun? "

" Myth. "

" Sleeping in coffins? "

" Myth. " He hesitated for a moment, and a peculiar tone entered his voice. " I can't sleep. "

It took me a minute to absorb that. " At all? "

" Never, " he said, his voice nearly inaudible. He turned to look at me with a wistful expression. The golden eyes held mine, and I lost my train of thought. I stared at him until he looked away.

" You haven't asked me the most important question yet. " His voice was hard now, and when he looked at me again his eyes were cold.

I blinked, still dazed. " Which one is that? "

" You aren't concerned about my diet? " he asked sarcastically.

" Oh, " I murmured, " that. "

" Yes, that. " His voice was bleak. " Don't you want to know if I drink blood? "

I flinched. " Well, Jacob said something about that. "

" What did Jacob say? " he asked flatly.

" He said you didn't… hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals. "

" He said we weren't dangerous? " His voice was deeply skeptical.

" Not exactly. He said you weren't supposed to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case. "

He looked forward, but I couldn't tell if he was watching the road or not.

" So was he right? About not hunting people? " I tried to keep my voice as even as possible.

" The Quileutes have a long memory, " he whispered.

I took it as a confirmation.

" Don't let that make you complacent, though, " he warned me. " They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous. "

" I don't understand. "

" We try, " he explained slowly. " We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you. "

" This is a mistake? " I heard the sadness in my voice, but I didn't know if he could as well.

" A very dangerous one, " he murmured.

We were both silent then. I watched the headlights twist with the curves of the road. They moved too fast; it didn't look real, it looked like a video game. I was aware of the time slipping away so quickly, like the black road beneath us, and I was hideously afraid that I would never have another chance to be with him like this again – openly, the walls between us gone for once. His words hinted at an end, and I recoiled from the idea. I couldn't waste one minute I had with him.

" Tell me more, " I asked desperately, not caring what he said, just so I could hear his voice again.

He looked at me quickly, startled by the change in my tone. " What more do you want to know? "

" Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people, " I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation. I realized my eyes were wet, and I fought against the grief that was trying to overpower me.

" I don't want to be a monster. " His voice was very low.

" But animals aren't enough? "

He paused. " I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger – or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time. " His tone turned ominous. " Sometimes it's more difficult than others. "

" Is it very difficult for you now? " I asked.

He sighed. " Yes. "

" But you're not hungry now, " I said confidently – stating, not asking.

" Why do you think that? "

" Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people – men in particular – are crabbier when they're hungry. "

He chuckled. " You are observant, aren't you? "

I didn't answer; I just listened to the sound of his laugh, committing it to memory.

" Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett? " I asked when it was quiet again.

" Yes. " He paused for a second, as if deciding whether or not to say something. " I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty. "

" Why didn't you want to leave? "

" It makes me… anxious… to be away from you. " His eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to be making my bones turn soft. " I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed. " He shook his head, and then seemed to remember something. " Well, not totally unscathed. "

" What? "

" Your hands, " he reminded me. I looked down at my palms, at the almost‑ healed scrapes across the heels of my hands. His eyes missed nothing.

" I fell, " I sighed.

" That's what I thought. " His lips curved up at the corners. " I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse – and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves. " He smiled ruefully at me.

" Three days? Didn't you just get back today? "

" No, we got back Sunday. "

" Then why weren't any of you in school? " I was frustrated, almost angry as I thought of how much disappointment I had suffered because of his absence.

" Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight – at least, not where anyone can see. "

" Why? "

" I'll show you sometime, " he promised.

I thought about it for a moment.

" You might have called me, " I decided.

He was puzzled. " But I knew you were safe. "

" But I didn't know where you were. I –" I hesitated, dropping my eyes.

" What? " His velvety voice was compelling.

" I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too. " I blushed to be saying this out loud.

He was quiet. I glanced up, apprehensive, and saw that his expression was pained.

" Ah, " he groaned quietly. " This is wrong. "

I couldn't understand his response. " What did I say? "

" Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. " He turned his anguished eyes to the road, his words flowing almost too fast for me to understand. " I don't want to hear that you feel that way. " His voice was low but urgent. His words cut me. " It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella – please, grasp that. "

" No. " I tried very hard not to look like a sulky child.

" I'm serious, " he growled.

" So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late. "

His voice whipped out, low and harsh. " Never say that. "

I bit my lip and was glad he couldn't know how much that hurt. I stared out at the road. We must be close now. He was driving much too fast.

" What are you thinking? " he asked, his voice still raw. I just shook my head, not sure if I could speak. I could feel his gaze on my face, but I kept my eyes forward.

" Are you crying? " He sounded appalled. I hadn't realized the moisture in my eyes had brimmed over. I quickly rubbed my hand across my cheek, and sure enough, traitor tears were there, betraying me.

" No, " I said, but my voice cracked.

I saw him reach toward me hesitantly with his right hand, but then he stopped and placed it slowly back on the steering wheel.

" I'm sorry. " His voice burned with regret. I knew he wasn't just apologizing for the words that had upset me.

The darkness slipped by us in silence.

" Tell me something, " he asked after another minute, and I could hear him struggle to use a lighter tone.

" Yes? "

" What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression – you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something. "

" I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker – you know, self‑ defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain. " I thought of the dark‑ haired man with a surge of hate.

" You were going to fight them? " This upset him. " Didn't you think about running? "

" I fall down a lot when I run, " I admitted.

" What about screaming for help? "

" I was getting to that part. "

He shook his head. " You were right – I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive. "

I sighed. We were slowing, passing into the boundaries of Forks. It had taken less than twenty minutes.

" Will I see you tomorrow? " I demanded.

" Yes – I have a paper due, too. " He smiled. " I'll save you a seat at lunch. "

It was silly, after everything we'd been through tonight, how that little promise sent flutters through my stomach, and made me unable to speak.

We were in front of Charlie's house. The lights were on, my truck in its place, everything utterly normal. It was like waking from a dream. He stopped the car, but I didn't move.

" Do you promise to be there tomorrow? "

" I promise. "

I considered that for a moment, then nodded. I pulled his jacket off, taking one last whiff.

" You can keep it – you don't have a jacket for tomorrow, " he reminded me.

I handed it back to him. " I don't want to have to explain to Charlie. "

" Oh, right. " He grinned.

I hesitated, my hand on the door handle, trying to prolong the moment.

" Bella? " he asked in a different tone – serious, but hesitant.

" Yes? " I turned back to him too eagerly.

" Will you promise me something? "

" Yes, " I said, and instantly regretted my unconditional agreement. What if he asked me to stay away from him? I couldn't keep that promise.

" Don't go into the woods alone. "

I stared at him in blank confusion. " Why? "

He frowned, and his eyes were tight as he stared past me out the window.

" I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that. "

I shuddered slightly at the sudden bleakness in his voice, but I was relieved. This, at least, was an easy promise to honor. " Whatever you say. "

" I'll see you tomorrow, " he sighed, and I knew he wanted me to leave now.

" Tomorrow, then. " I opened the door unwillingly.

" Bella? " I turned and he was leaning toward me, his pale, glorious face just inches from mine. My heart stopped beating.

" Sleep well, " he said. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form. I blinked, thoroughly dazed. He leaned away.

I was unable to move until my brain had somewhat unscrambled itself. Then I stepped out of the car awkwardly, having to use the frame for support. I thought I heard him chuckle, but the sound was too quiet for me to be certain.

He waited till I had stumbled to the front door, and then I heard his engine quietly rev. I turned to watch the silver car disappear around the corner. I realized it was very cold.

I reached for the key mechanically, unlocked the door, and stepped inside.

Charlie called from the living room. " Bella? "

" Yeah, Dad, it's me. " I walked in to see him. He was watching a baseball game.

" You're home early. "

" Am I? " I was surprised.

" It's not even eight yet, " he told me. " Did you girls have fun? "

" Yeah – it was lots of fun. " My head was spinning as I tried to remember all the way back to the girls' night out I had planned. " They both found dresses. "

" Are you all right? "

" I'm just tired. I did a lot of walking. "

" Well, maybe you should go lie down. " He sounded concerned. I wondered what my face looked like.

" I'm just going to call Jessica first. "

" Weren't you just with her? " he asked, surprised.

" Yes – but I left my jacket in her car. I want to make sure she brings it tomorrow. "

" Well, give her a chance to get home first. "

" Right, " I agreed.

I went to the kitchen and fell, exhausted, into a chair. I was really feeling dizzy now. I wondered if I was going to go into shock after all. Get a grip, I told myself.

The phone rang suddenly, startling me. I yanked it off the hook.

" Hello? " I asked breathlessly.

" Bella? "

" Hey, Jess, I was just going to call you. "

" You made it home? " Her voice was relieved… and surprised.

" Yes. I left my jacket in your car – could you bring it to me tomorrow? "

" Sure. But tell me what happened! " she demanded.

" Um, tomorrow – in Trig, okay? "

She caught on quickly. " Oh, is your dad there? "

" Yes, that's right. "

" Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow, then. Bye! " I could hear the impatience in her voice.

" Bye, Jess. "

I walked up the stairs slowly, a heavy stupor clouding my mind. I went through the motions of getting ready for bed without paying any attention to what I was doing. It wasn't until I was in the shower – the water too hot, burning my skin – that I realized I was freezing. I shuddered violently for several minutes before the steaming spray could finally relax my rigid muscles. Then I stood in the shower, too tired to move, until the hot water began to run out.

I stumbled out, wrapping myself securely in a towel, trying to hold the heat from the water in so the aching shivers wouldn't return. I dressed for bed swiftly and climbed under my quilt, curling into a ball, hugging myself to keep warm. A few small shudders trembled through me.

My mind still swirled dizzily, full of images I couldn't understand, and some I fought to repress. Nothing seemed clear at first, but as I fell gradually closer to unconsciousness, a few certainties became evident. About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him – and I didn't know how potent that part might be – that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

10 INTERROGATIONS

It was very hard, in the morning, to argue with the part of me that was sure last night was a dream. Logic wasn't on my side, or common sense. I clung to the parts I couldn't have imagined – like his smell. I was sure I could never have dreamed that up on my own.

It was foggy and dark outside my window, absolutely perfect. He had no reason not to be in school today. I dressed in my heavy clothes, remembering I didn't have a jacket. Further proof that my memory was real.

When I got downstairs, Charlie was gone again – I was running later than I'd realized. I swallowed a granola bar in three bites, chased it down with milk straight from the carton, and then hurried out the door. Hopefully the rain would hold off until I could find Jessica.

It was unusually foggy; the air was almost smoky with it. The mist was ice cold where it clung to the exposed skin on my face and neck. I couldn't wait to get the heat going in my truck. It was such a thick fog that I was a few feet down the driveway before I realized there was a car in it: a silver car. My heart thudded, stuttered, and then picked up again in double time.

I didn't see where he came from, but suddenly he was there, pulling the door open for me.

" Do you want to ride with me today? " he asked, amused by my expression as he caught me by surprise yet again. There was uncertainty in his voice. He was really giving me a choice – I was free to refuse, and part of him hoped for that. It was a vain hope.

" Yes, thank you, " I said, trying to keep my voice calm. As I stepped into the warm car, I noticed his tan jacket was slung over the headrest of the passenger seat. The door closed behind me, and, sooner than should be possible, he was sitting next to me, starting the car.

" I brought the jacket for you. I didn't want you to get sick or something. " His voice was guarded. I noticed that he wore no jacket himself, just a light gray knit V‑ neck shirt with long sleeves. Again, the fabric clung to his perfectly muscled chest. It was a colossal tribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.

" I'm not quite that delicate, " I said, but I pulled the jacket onto my lap, pushing my arms through the too‑ long sleeves, curious to see if the scent could possibly be as good as I remembered. It was better.

" Aren't you? " he contradicted in a voice so low I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear.

We drove through the fog‑ shrouded streets, always too fast, feeling awkward. I was, at least. Last night all the walls were down… almost all. I didn't know if we were still being as candid today. It left me tongue‑ tied. I waited for him to speak.

He turned to smirk at me. " What, no twenty questions today? "

" Do my questions bother you? " I asked, relieved.

" Not as much as your reactions do. " He looked like he was joking, but I couldn't be sure.

I frowned. " Do I react badly? "

" No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly – it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking. "

" I always tell you what I'm really thinking. "

" You edit, " he accused.

" Not very much. "

" Enough to drive me insane. "

" You don't want to hear it, " I mumbled, almost whispered. As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. The pain in my voice was very faint; I could only hope he hadn't noticed it.

He didn't respond, and I wondered if I had ruined the mood. His face was unreadable as we drove into the school parking lot. Something occurred to me belatedly.

" Where's the rest of your family? " I asked – more than glad to be alone with him, but remembering that his car was usually full.

" They took Rosalie's car. " He shrugged as he parked next to a glossy red convertible with the top up.

" Ostentatious, isn't it? "

" Um, wow, " I breathed. " If she has that, why does she ride with you? "

" Like I said, it's ostentatious. We try to blend in. "

" You don't succeed. " I laughed and shook my head as we got out of the car. I wasn't late anymore; his lunatic driving had gotten me to school in plenty of time. " So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous? "

" Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking all the rules now. " He met me at the front of the car, staying very close to my side as we walked onto campus. I wanted to close that little distance, to reach out and touch him, but I was afraid he wouldn't like me to.

" Why do you have cars like that at all? " I wondered aloud. " If you're looking for privacy? "

" An indulgence, " he admitted with an impish smile. " We all like to drive fast. "

" Figures, " I muttered under my breath.

Under the shelter of the cafeteria roof's overhang, Jessica was waiting, her eyes about to bug out of their sockets. Over her arm, bless her, was my jacket.

" Hey, Jessica, " I said when we were a few feet away. " Thanks for remembering. " She handed me my jacket without speaking.

" Good morning, Jessica, " Edward said politely. It wasn't really his fault that his voice was so irresistible.

Or what his eyes were capable of.

" Er… hi. " She shifted her wide eyes to me, trying to gather her jumbled thoughts. " I guess I'll see you in Trig. " She gave me a meaningful look, and I suppressed a sigh. What on earth was I going to tell her?

" Yeah, I'll see you then. "

She walked away, pausing twice to peek back over her shoulder at us.

" What are you going to tell her? " Edward murmured.

" Hey, I thought you couldn't read my mind! " I hissed.

" I can't, " he said, startled. Then understanding brightened his eyes. " However, I can read hers – she'll be waiting to ambush you in class. "

I groaned as I pulled off his jacket and handed it to him, replacing it with my own. He folded it over his arm.

" So what are you going to tell her? "

" A little help? " I pleaded. " What does she want to know? "

He shook his head, grinning wickedly. " That's not fair. "

" No, you not sharing what you know – now that's not fair. "

He deliberated for a moment as we walked. We stopped outside the door to my first class.

" She wants to know if we're secretly dating. And she wants to know how you feel about me, " he finally said.

" Yikes. What should I say? " I tried to keep my expression very innocent. People were passing us on their way to class, probably staring, but I was barely aware of them.

" Hmmm. " He paused to catch a stray lock of hair that was escaping the twist on my neck and wound it back into place. My heart spluttered hyperactively. " I suppose you could say yes to the first… if you don't mind – it's easier than any other explanation. "

" I don't mind, " I said in a faint voice.

" And as for her other question… well, I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself. " One side of his mouth pulled up into my favorite uneven smile. I couldn't catch my breath soon enough to respond to that remark. He turned and walked away.

" I'll see you at lunch, " he called over his shoulder. Three people walking in the door stopped to stare at me. I hurried into class, flushed and irritated. He was such a cheater. Now I was even more worried about what I was going to say to Jessica. I sat in my usual seat, slamming my bag down in aggravation.

" Morning, Bella, " Mike said from the seat next to me. I looked up to see an odd, almost resigned look on his face. " How was Port Angeles? "

" It was…" There was no honest way to sum it up. " Great, " I finished lamely. " Jessica got a really cute dress. "

" Did she say anything about Monday night? " he asked, his eyes brightening. I smiled at the turn the conversation had taken.

" She said she had a really good time, " I assured him.

" She did? " he said eagerly.

" Most definitely. "

Mr. Mason called the class to order then, asking us to turn in our papers. English and then Government passed in a blur, while I worried about how to explain things to Jessica and agonized over whether Edward would really be listening to what I said through the medium of Jess's thoughts. How very inconvenient his little talent could be – when it wasn't saving my life.

The fog had almost dissolved by the end of the second hour, but the day was still dark with low, oppressing clouds. I smiled up at the sky.

Edward was right, of course. When I walked into Trig Jessica was sitting in the back row, nearly bouncing off her seat in agitation. I reluctantly went to sit by her, trying to convince myself it would be better to get it over with as soon as possible.

" Tell me everything! " she commanded before I was in the seat.

" What do you want to know? " I hedged.

" What happened last night? "

" He bought me dinner, and then he drove me home. "

She glared at me, her expression stiff with skepticism. " How did you get home so fast? "

" He drives like a maniac. It was terrifying. " I hoped he heard that.

" Was it like a date – did you tell him to meet you there? "

I hadn't thought of that. " No – I was very surprised to see him there. "

Her lips puckered in disappointment at the transparent honesty in my voice.

" But he picked you up for school today? " she probed.

" Yes – that was a surprise, too. He noticed I didn't have a jacket last night, " I explained.

" So are you going out again? "

" He offered to drive me to Seattle Saturday because he thinks toy truck isn't up to it – does that count? "

" Yes. " She nodded.

" Well, then, yes. "

" W‑ o‑ w. " She exaggerated the word into three syllables. " Edward Cullen. "

" I know, " I agreed. " Wow" didn't even cover it.

" Wait! " Her hands flew up, palms toward me like she was stopping traffic. " Has he kissed you? "

" No, " I mumbled. " It's not like that. "

She looked disappointed. I'm sure I did, too.

" Do you think Saturday…? " She raised her eyebrows.

" I really doubt it. " The discontent in my voice was poorly disguised.

" What did you talk about? " She pushed for more information in a whisper. Class had started but Mr. Varner wasn't paying close attention and we weren't the only ones still talking.

" I don't know, Jess, lots of stuff, " I whispered back. " We talked about the English essay a little. " A very, very little. I think he mentioned it in passing.

" Please, Bella, " she begged. " Give me some details. "

" Well… okay, I've got one. You should have seen the waitress flirting with him – it was over the top.

But he didn't pay any attention to her at all. " Let him make what he could of that.

" That's a good sign, " she nodded. " Was she pretty? "

" Very – and probably nineteen or twenty. "

" Even better. He must like you. "

" I think so, but it's hard to tell. He's always so cryptic, " I threw in for his benefit, sighing.

" I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him, " she breathed.

" Why? " I was shocked, but she didn't understand my reaction.

" He's so… intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him. " She made a face, probably remembering this morning or last night, when he'd turned the overwhelming force of his eyes on her.

" I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him, " I admitted.

" Oh well. He is unbelievably gorgeous. " Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did.

" There's a lot more to him than that. "

" Really? Like what? "

I wished I had let it go. Almost as much as I was hoping he'd been kidding about listening in.

" I can't explain it right… but he's even more unbelievable behind the face. " The vampire who wanted to be good – who ran around saving people's lives so he wouldn't be a monster… I stared toward the front of the room.

" Is that possible? " She giggled.

I ignored her, trying to look like I was paying attention to Mr. Varner.

" So you like him, then? " She wasn't about to give up.

" Yes, " I said curtly.

" I mean, do you really like him? " she urged.

" Yes, " I said again, blushing. I hoped that detail wouldn't register in her thoughts.

She'd had enough with the single syllable answers. " How much do you like him? "

" Too much, " I whispered back. " More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that. " I sighed, one blush blending into the next.

Then, thankfully, Mr. Varner called on Jessica for an answer.

She didn't get a chance to start on the subject again during class, and as soon as the bell rang, I took evasive action.

" In English, Mike asked me if you said anything about Monday night, " I told her.

" You're kidding! What did you say?! " she gasped, completely sidetracked.

" I told him you said you had a lot of fun – he looked pleased. "

" Tell me exactly what he said, and your exact answer! "

We spent the rest of the walk dissecting sentence structures and most of Spanish on a minute description of Mike's facial expressions. I wouldn't have helped draw it out for as long as I did if I wasn't worried about the subject returning to me.

And then the bell rang for lunch. As I jumped up out of my seat, shoving my books roughly in my bag, my uplifted expression must have tipped Jessica off.

" You're not sitting with us today, are you? " she guessed.

" I don't think so. " I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't disappear inconveniently again.

But outside the door to our Spanish class, leaning against the wall – looking more like a Greek god than anyone had a right to – Edward was waiting for me. Jessica took one look, rolled her eyes, and departed.

" See you later, Bella. " Her voice was thick with implications. I might have to turn off the ringer on the phone.

" Hello. " His voice was amused and irritated at the same time. He had been listening, it was obvious.

" Hi. "

I couldn't think of anything else to say, and he didn't speak – biding his time, I presumed – so it was a quiet walk to the cafeteria. Walking with Edward through the crowded lunchtime rush was a lot like my first day here; everyone stared.

He led the way into the line, still not speaking, though his eyes returned to my face every few seconds, their expression speculative. It seemed to me that irritation was winning out over amusement as the dominant emotion in his face. I fidgeted nervously with the zipper on my jacket.

He stepped up to the counter and filled a tray with food.

" What are you doing? " I objected. " You're not getting all that for me? "

He shook his head, stepping forward to buy the food.

" Half is for me, of course. "

I raised one eyebrow.

He led the way to the same place we'd sat that one time before. From the other end of the long table, a group of seniors gazed at us in amazement as we sat across from each other. Edward seemed oblivious.

" Take whatever you want, " he said, pushing the tray toward me.

" I'm curious, " I said as I picked up an apple, turning it around in my hands, " what would you do if someone dared you to eat food? "

" You're always curious. " He grimaced, shaking his head. He glared at me, holding my eyes as he lifted the slice of pizza off the tray, and deliberately bit off a mouthful, chewed quickly, and then swallowed. I watched, eyes wide.

" If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you? " he asked condescendingly.

I wrinkled my nose. " I did once… on a dare, " I admitted. " It wasn't so bad. "

He laughed. " I suppose I'm not surprised. " Something over my shoulder seemed to catch his attention.

" Jessica's analyzing everything I do – she'll break it down for you later. " He pushed the rest of the pizza toward me. The mention of Jessica brought a hint of his former irritation back to his features.

I put down the apple and took a bite of the pizza, looking away, knowing he was about to start.

" So the waitress was pretty, was she? " he asked casually.

" You really didn't notice? "

" No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind. "

" Poor girl. " I could afford to be generous now.

" Something you said to Jessica… well, it bothers me. " He refused to be distracted. His voice was husky, and he glanced up from under his lashes with troubled eyes.

" I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdropners, " I reminded him.

" I warned you I would be listening. "

" And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking. "

" You did, " he agreed, but his voice was still rough. " You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking – everything. I just wish… that you wouldn't be thinking some things. "

I scowled. " That's quite a distinction. "

" But that's not really the point at the moment. "

" Then what is? " We were inclined toward each other across the table now. He had his large white hands folded under his chin; I leaned forward, my right hand cupped around my neck. I had to remind myself that we were in a crowded lunchroom, with probably many curious eyes on us. It was too easy to get wrapped up in our own private, tense little bubble.

" Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you? " he murmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark golden eyes piercing.

I tried to remember how to exhale. I had to look away before it came back to me.

" You're doing it again, " I muttered.

His eyes opened wide with surprise. " What? "

" Dazzling me, " I admitted, trying to concentrate as I looked back at him.

" Oh. " He frowned.

" It's not your fault, " I sighed. " You can't help it. "

" Are you going to answer the question? "

I looked down. " Yes. "

" Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that? " He was irritated again.

" Yes, I really think that. " I kept my eyes down on the table, my eyes tracing the pattern of the faux wood grains printed on the laminate. The silence dragged on. I stubbornly refused to be the first to break it this time, fighting hard against the temptation to peek at his expression.

Finally he spoke, voice velvet soft. " You're wrong. "

I glanced up to see that his eyes were gentle.

" You can't know that, " I disagreed in a whisper. I shook my head in doubt, though my heart throbbed at his words and I wanted so badly to believe them.

" What makes you think so? " His liquid topaz eyes were penetrating – trying futilely, I assumed, to lift the truth straight from my mind. I stared back, struggling to think clearly in spite of his face, to find some way to explain. As I searched for the words, I could see him getting impatient; frustrated by my silence, he started to scowl. I lifted my hand from my neck, and held up one finger.

" Let me think, " I insisted. His expression cleared, now that he was satisfied that I was planning to answer. I dropped my hand to the table, moving my left hand so that my palms were pressed together. I stared at my hands, twisting and untwisting my fingers, as I finally spoke.

" Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" I hesitated. " I can't be sure – I don't know how to read minds – but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else. " That was the best I could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered in me at times.

" Perceptive, " he whispered. And there was the anguish again, surfacing as he confirmed my fear. " That's exactly why you're wrong, though, " he began to explain, but then his eyes narrowed. " What do you mean, 'the obvious'? "

" Well, look at me, " I said, unnecessarily as he was already staring. " I'm absolutely ordinary – well, except for bad things like all the near‑ death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you. " I waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection.

His brow creased angrily for a moment, then smoothed as his eyes took on a knowing look. " You don't see yourself very clearly, you know. I'll admit you're dead‑ on about the bad things, " he chuckled blackly, " but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day. "

I blinked, astonished. " I don't believe it…" I mumbled to myself.

" Trust me just this once – you are the opposite of ordinary. "

My embarrassment was much stronger than my pleasure at the look that came into his eyes when he said this. I quickly reminded him of my original argument.

" But I'm not saying goodbye, " I pointed out.

" Don't you see? That's what proves me right. I care the most, because if I can do it" – he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought – " if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe. "

I glared. " And you don't think I would do the same? "

" You'd never have to make the choice. "

Abruptly, his unpredictable mood shifted again; a mischievous, devastating smile rearranged his features.

" Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full‑ time occupation that requires my constant presence. "

" No one has tried to do away with me today, " I reminded him, grateful for the lighter subject. I didn't want him to talk about goodbyes anymore. If I had to, I supposed I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close… I banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on my face. That idea would definitely get me in trouble.

" Yet, " he added.

" Yet, " I agreed; I would have argued, but now I wanted him to be expecting disasters.

" I have another question for you. " His face was still casual.

" Shoot. "

" Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers? "

I made a face at the memory. " You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet, " I warned him.

" It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him. "

" Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me – I just really wanted to watch your face, " he chuckled, I would have been angrier if his laughter wasn't so fascinating. " If I'd asked you, would you have turned me down? " he asked, still laughing to himself.

" Probably not, " I admitted. " But I would have canceled later – faked an illness or a sprained ankle. "

He was puzzled. " Why would you do that? "

I shook my head sadly. " You've never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand. "

" Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over? "

" Obviously. "

" That wouldn't be a problem. " He was very confident. " It's all in the leading. " He could see that I was about to protest, and he cut me off. " But you never told me – are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different? "

As long as the " we" part was in, I didn't care about anything else.

" I'm open to alternatives, " I allowed. " But I do have a favor to ask. "

He looked wary, as he always did when I asked an open‑ ended question. " What? "

" Can I drive? "

He frowned. " Why? "

" Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he will ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me. "

He rolled his eyes. " Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving. " He shook his head in disgust, but then his eyes were serious again. " Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me? " There was an undercurrent to his question that I didn't understand.

" With Charlie, less is always more. " I was definite about that. " Where are we going, anyway? "

" The weather will be nice, so I'll be staying out of the public eye… and you can stay with me, if you'd like to. " Again, he was leaving the choice up to me.

" And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun? " I asked, excited by the idea of unraveling another of the unknowns.

" Yes. " He smiled, and then paused. " But if you don't want to be… alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size. "

I was miffed. " Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle – just in population. In physical size –"

" But apparently, " he interrupted me, " your number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me. " His eyes did that unfair smoldering thing again.

I couldn't argue, with the eyes or the motivation, and it was a moot point anyway. " As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you. "

" I know, " he sighed, brooding. " You should tell Charlie, though. "

" Why in the world would I do that? "

His eyes were suddenly fierce. " To give me some small incentive to bring you back. "

I gulped. But, after a moment of thought, I was sure. " I think I'll take my chances. "

He exhaled angrily, and looked away.

" Let's talk about something else, " I suggested.

" What do you want to talk about? " he asked. He was still annoyed.

I glanced around us, making sure we were well out of anyone's hearing. As I cast my eyes around the room, I caught the eyes of his sister, Alice, staring at me. The others were looking at Edward. I looked away swiftly, back to him, and I. asked the first thing that came to mind.

" Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend… to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears. "

He stared at me as if I was missing something very obvious.

" Bears? " I gasped, and he smirked. " You know, bears are not in season, " I added sternly, to hide my shock.

" If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons, " he informed me.

He watched my face with enjoyment as that slowly sank in.

" Bears? " I repeated with difficulty.

" Grizzly is Emmett's favorite. " His voice was still offhand, but his eyes were scrutinizing my reaction. I tried to pull myself together.

" Hmmm, " I said, taking another bite of pizza as an excuse to look down. I chewed slowly, and then took a long drink of Coke without looking up.

" So, " I said after a moment, finally meeting his now‑ anxious gaze. " What's your favorite? "

He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disapproval. " Mountain lion. "

" Ah, " I said in a politely disinterested tone, looking for my soda again.

" Of course, " he said, and his tone mirrored mine, " we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators – ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that? "

He smiled teasingly.

" Where indeed, " I murmured around another bite of pizza.

" Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season – they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable. " He smiled at some remembered joke.

" Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear, " I agreed, nodding.

He snickered, shaking his head. " Tell me what you're really thinking, please. "

" I'm trying to picture it – but I can't, " I admitted. " How do you hunt a bear without weapons? "

" Oh, we have weapons. " He flashed his bright teeth in a brief, threatening smile. I fought back a shiver before it could expose me. " Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting. "

I couldn't stop the next shiver that flashed down my spine. I peeked across the cafeteria toward Emmett, grateful that he wasn't looking my way. The thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso were somehow even more menacing now.

Edward followed my gaze and chuckled. I stared at him, unnerved.

" Are you like a bear, too? " I asked in a low voice.

" More like the lion, or so they tell me, " he said lightly. " Perhaps our preferences are indicative. "

I tried to smile. " Perhaps, " I repeated. But my mind was filled with opposing images that I couldn't merge together. " Is that something I might get to see? "

" Absolutely not! " His face turned even whiter than usual, and his eyes were suddenly furious. I leaned back, stunned and – though I'd never admit it to him – frightened by his reaction. He leaned back as well, folding his arms across his chest.

" Too scary for me? " I asked when I could control my voice again.

" If that were it, I would take you out tonight, " he said, his voice cutting. " You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you. "

" Then why? " I pressed, trying to ignore his angry expression.

He glared at me for a long minute.

" Later, " he finally said. He was on his feet in one lithe movement. " We're going to be late. "

I glanced around, startled to see that he was right and the cafeteria was nearly vacant. When I was with him, the time and the place were such a muddled blur that I completely lost track of both. I jumped up, grabbing my bag from the back of my chair.

" Later, then, " I agreed. I wouldn't forget.

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