4 NATURE. 5 IMPRINT

4 NATURE

I WAS HAVING A BAD WEEK.

I knew that essentially nothing had changed. Okay, so Victoria had not given up, but had I ever dreamed for one moment that she had? Her reappearance had only confirmed what I’d already known. No reason for fresh panic.

In theory. Not panicking was easier said than done.

Graduation was only a few weeks away, but I wondered if it wasn’t a little foolish to sit around, weak and tasty, waiting for the next disaster. It seemed too dangerous to be human – just begging for trouble. Someone like me shouldn’t be human. Someone with my luck ought to be a little less helpless.

But no one would listen to me.

Carlisle had said, “There are seven of us, Bella. And with Alice on our side, I don’t think Victoria’s going to catch us off guard. I think it’s important, for Charlie’s sake, that we stick with the original plan. ”

Esme had said, “We’d never allow anything to happen to you, sweetheart. You know that. Please don’t be anxious. ” And then she’d kissed my forehead.

Emmett had said, “I’m really glad Edward didn’t kill you. Everything’s so much more fun with you around. ”

Rosalie had glared at him.

Alice had rolled her eyes and said, “I’m offended. You’re not honestly worried about this, are you? ”

“If it’s no big deal, then why did Edward drag me to Florida? ” I’d demanded.

“Haven’t you noticed yet, Bella, that Edward is just the teeniest bit prone to overreaction? ”

Jasper had silently erased all the panic and tension in my body with his curious talent of controlling emotional atmospheres. I’d felt reassured, and let them talk me out of my desperate pleading.

Of course, that calm had worn off as soon as Edward and I had walked out of the room.

So the consensus was that I was just supposed to forget that a deranged vampire was stalking me, intent on my death. Go about my business.

I did try. And surprisingly, there were other things almost as stressful to dwell on besides my status on the endangered species list. . . .

Because Edward’s response had been the most frustrating of them all.

“That’s between you and Carlisle, ” he’d said. “Of course, you know that I’m willing to make it between you and me at any time that you wish. You know my condition. ” And he had smiled angelically.

Ugh. I did know his condition. Edward had promised that he would change me himself whenever I wanted. . . just as long as I was married to him first.

Sometimes I wondered if he was only pretending that he couldn’t read my mind. How else had he struck upon the one condition that I would have trouble accepting? The one condition that would slow me down.

All in all, a very bad week. And today was the worst day in it.

It was always a bad day when Edward was away. Alice had foreseen nothing out of the ordinary this weekend, and so I’d insisted that he take the opportunity to go hunting with his brothers. I knew how it bored him to hunt the easy, nearby prey.

“Go have fun, ” I’d told him. “Bag a few mountain lions for me. ”

I would never admit to him how hard it was for me when he was gone – how it brought back the abandonment nightmares. If he knew that, it would make him feel horrible and he would be afraid to ever leave me, even for the most necessary reasons. It had been like that in the beginning, when he’d first returned from Italy. His golden eyes had turned black and he’d suffered from his thirst more than it was already necessary that he suffer. So I put on a brave face and all but kicked him out the door whenever Emmett and Jasper wanted to go.

I think he saw through me, though. A little. This morning there had been a note left on my pillow:

I’ll be back so soon you won’t have time to miss me. Look after my heart – I’ve left it with you.

So now I had a big empty Saturday with nothing but my morning shift at Newton’s Olympic Outfitters to distract me. And, of course, the oh‑ so‑ comforting promise from Alice.

“I’m staying close to home to hunt. I’ll only be fifteen minutes away if you need me. I’ll keep an eye out for trouble. ”

Translation: don’t try anything funny just because Edward is gone.

Alice was certainly just as capable of crippling my truck as Edward was.

I tried to look on the bright side. After work, I had plans to help Angela with her announcements, so that would be a distraction. And Charlie was in an excellent mood due to Edward’s absence, so I might as well enjoy that while it lasted. Alice would spend the night with me if I was pathetic enough to ask her to. And then tomorrow, Edward would be home. I would survive.

Not wanting to be ridiculously early for work, I ate my breakfast slowly, one Cheerio at a time. Then, when I’d washed the dishes, I arranged the magnets on the fridge into a perfect line. Maybe I was developing obsessive‑ compulsive disorder.

The last two magnets – round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold ten sheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat – did not want to cooperate with my fixation. Their polarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place.

For some reason – impending mania, perhaps – this really irritated me. Why couldn’t they just play nice? Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up. I could have flipped one over, but that felt like losing. Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, I pulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands. It took a little effort – they were strong enough to put up a fight – but I forced them to coexist side‑ by‑ side.

“See, ” I said out loud – talking to inanimate objects, never a good sign – “That’s not so horrible, is it? ”

I stood there like an idiot for a second, not quite able to admit that I wasn’t having any lasting effect against scientific principles. Then, with a sigh, I put the magnets back on the fridge, a foot apart.

“There’s no need to be so inflexible, ” I muttered.

It was still too early, but I decided I’d better get out of the house before the inanimate objects started talking back.

When I got to Newton’s, Mike was methodically dry mopping the aisles while his mom arranged a new counter display. I caught them in the middle of an argument, unaware that I had arrived.

“But it’s the only time that Tyler can go, ” Mike complained. “You said after graduation –”

“You’re just going to have to wait, ” Mrs. Newton snapped. “You and Tyler can think of something else to do. You are not going to Seattle until the police stop whatever it is that is going on there. I know Beth Crowley has told Tyler the same thing, so don’t act like I’m the bad guy – oh, good morning, Bella, ” she said when she caught sight of me, brightening her tone quickly. “You’re early. ”

Karen Newton was the last person I’d think to ask for help in an outdoor sports equipment store. Her perfectly highlighted blond hair was always smoothed into an elegant twist on the back of her neck, her fingernails were polished by professionals, as were her toenails – visible through the strappy high heels that didn’t resemble anything Newton’s offered on the long row of hiking boots.

“Light traffic, ” I joked as I grabbed my hideous fluorescent orange vest out from under the counter. I was surprised that Mrs. Newton was as worked up about this Seattle thing as Charlie. I’d thought he was going to extremes.

“Well, er. . . ” Mrs. Newton hesitated for a moment, playing uncomfortably with a stack of flyers she was arranging by the register.

I stopped with one arm in my vest. I knew that look.

When I’d let the Newtons know that I wouldn’t be working here this summer – abandoning them in their busiest season, in effect – they’d started training Katie Marshall to take my place. They couldn’t really afford both of us on the payroll at the same time, so when it looked like a slow day. . .

“I was going to call, ” Mrs. Newton continued. “I don’t think we’re expecting a ton of business today. Mike and I can probably handle things. I’m sorry you got up and drove out. . . . ”

On a normal day, I would be ecstatic with this turn of events. Today. . . not so much.

“Okay, ” I sighed. My shoulders slumped. What was I going to do now?

“That’s not fair, Mom, ” Mike said. “If Bella wants to work –”

“No, it’s okay, Mrs. Newton. Really, Mike. I’ve got finals to study for and stuff. . . . ” I didn’t want to be a source of familial discord when they were already arguing.

“Thanks, Bella. Mike, you missed aisle four. Um, Bella, do you mind throwing these flyers in a Dumpster on the way out? I told the girl who left them here that I’d put them on the counter, but I really don’t have the room. ”

“Sure, no problem. ” I put my vest away, and then tucked the flyers under my arm and headed out into the misty rain.

The Dumpster was around the side of Newton’s, next to where we employees were supposed to park. I shuffled along, kicking pebbles petulantly on my way. I was about to fling the stack of bright yellow papers into the trash when the heading printed in bold across the top caught my eye. One word in particular seized my attention.

I clutched the papers in both hands as I stared at the picture beneath the caption. A lump rose in my throat.

SAVE THE OLYMPIC WOLF

Under the words, there was a detailed drawing of a wolf in front of a fir tree, its head thrown back in the act of baying at the moon. It was a disconcerting picture; something about the wolf’s plaintive posture made him look forlorn. Like he was howling in grief.

And then I was running to my truck, the flyers still locked in my grip.

Fifteen minutes – that’s all I had. But it should be long enough. It was only fifteen minutes to La Push, and surely I would cross the boundary line a few minutes before I hit the town.

My truck roared to life without any difficulty.

Alice couldn’t have seen me doing this, because I hadn’t been planning it. A snap decision, that was the key! And as long as I moved fast enough, I should be able to capitalize on it.

I’d thrown the damp flyers in my haste and they were scattered in a bright mess across the passenger seat – a hundred bolded captions, a hundred dark howling wolves outlined against the yellow background.

I barreled down the wet highway, turning the windshield wipers on high and ignoring the groan of the ancient engine. Fifty‑ five was the most I could coax out of my truck, and I prayed it would be enough.

I had no clue where the boundary line was, but I began to feel safer as I passed the first houses outside La Push. This must be beyond where Alice was allowed to follow.

I’d call her when I got to Angela’s this afternoon, I reasoned, so that she’d know I was fine. There was no reason for her to get worked up. She didn’t need to be mad at me – Edward would be angry enough for two when he got back.

My truck was positively wheezing by the time it grated to a stop in front of the familiar faded red house. The lump came back to my throat as I stared at the little place that had once been my refuge. It had been so long since I’d been here.

Before I could cut the engine, Jacob was standing in the door, his face blank with shock.

In the sudden silence when the truck‑ roar died, I heard him gasp.

“Bella? ”

“Hey, Jake! ”

“Bella! ” he yelled back, and the smile I’d been waiting for stretched across his face like the sun breaking free of the clouds. His teeth gleamed bright against his russet skin. “I can’t believe it! ”

He ran to the truck and half‑ yanked me through the open door, and then we were both jumping up and down like kids.

“How did you get here? ”

“I snuck out! ”

“Awesome! ”

“Hey, Bella! ” Billy had rolled himself into the doorway to see what all the commotion was about.

“Hey, Bil –! ”

Just then my air choked off – Jacob grabbed me up in a bear hug too tight to breathe and swung me around in a circle.

“Wow, it’s good to see you here! ”

“Can’t. . . breathe, ” I gasped.

He laughed and put me down.

“Welcome back, Bella, ” he said, grinning. And the way he said the words made it sound like welcome home.

We started walking, too keyed up to sit still in the house. Jacob was practically bouncing as he moved, and I had to remind him a few times that my legs weren’t ten feet long.

As we walked, I felt myself settling into another version of myself, the self I had been with Jacob. A little younger, a little less responsible. Someone who might, on occasion, do something really stupid for no good reason.

Our exuberance lasted through the first few topics of conversation: how we were doing, what we were up to, how long I had, and what had brought me here. When I hesitantly told him about the wolf flyer, his bellowing laugh echoed back from the trees.

But then, as we ambled past the back of the store and shoved through the thick scrub that ringed the far edge of First Beach, we got to the hard parts. All too soon we had to talk about the reasons behind our long separation, and I watched as the face of my friend hardened into the bitter mask that was already too familiar.

“So what’s the story, anyway? ” Jacob asked me, kicking a piece of driftwood out of his way with too much force. It sailed over the sand and then clattered against the rocks. “I mean, since the last time we. . . well, before, you know. . . ” He struggled for the words. He took a deep breath and tried again. “What I’m asking is. . . everything is just back to the way it was before he left? You forgave him for all of that? ”

I took a deep breath. “There was nothing to forgive. ”

I wanted to skip past this part, the betrayals, the accusations, but I knew that we had to talk it through before we’d be able to move on to anything else.

Jacob’s face puckered up like he’d just licked a lemon. “I wish Sam had taken a picture when he found you that night last September. It would be exhibit A. ”

“Nobody’s on trial. ”

“Maybe somebody should be. ”

“Not even you would blame him for leaving, if you knew the reason why. ”

He glared at me for a few seconds. “Okay, ” he challenged acidly. “Amaze me. ”

His hostility was wearing on me – chafing against the raw; it hurt to have him angry with me. It reminded me of the bleak afternoon, long ago, when – under orders from Sam – he’d told me we couldn’t be friends. I took a second to compose myself.

“Edward left me last fall because he didn’t think I should be hanging out with vampires. He thought it would be healthier for me if he left. ”

Jacob did a double take. He had to scramble for a minute. Whatever he’d been planning to say, it clearly no longer applied. I was glad he didn’t know the catalyst behind Edward’s decision. I could only imagine what he’d think if he knew Jasper had tried to kill me.

“He came back, though, didn’t he? ” Jacob muttered. “Too bad he can’t stick to a decision. ”

“If you remember, I went and got him. ”

Jacob stared at me for a moment, and then he backed off. His face relaxed, and his voice was calmer when he spoke.

“That’s true. So I never did get the story. What happened? ”

I hesitated, biting my lip.

“Is it a secret? ” His voice took on a taunting edge. “Are you not allowed to tell me? ”

“No, ” I snapped. “It’s just a really long story. ”

Jacob smiled, arrogant, and turned to walk up the beach, expecting me to follow.

It was no fun being with Jacob if he was going to act like this. I trailed behind him automatically, not sure if I shouldn’t turn around and leave. I was going to have to face Alice, though, when I got home. . . . I supposed I wasn’t in any rush.

Jacob walked to a huge, familiar piece of driftwood – an entire tree, roots and all, bleached white and beached deep in the sand; it was our tree, in a way.

Jacob sat down on the natural bench, and patted the space next to him.

“I don’t mind long stories. Is there any action? ”

I rolled my eyes as I sat next to him. “There’s some action, ” I allowed.

“It wouldn’t be real horror without action. ”

“Horror! ” I scoffed. “Can you listen, or will you be interrupting me with rude comments about my friends? ”

He pretended to lock his lips and then threw the invisible key over his shoulder. I tried not to smile, and failed.

“I’ll have to start with the stuff you were already there for, ” I decided, working to organize the stories in my head before I began.

Jacob raised his hand.

“Go ahead. ”

“That’s good, ” he said. “I didn’t understand much that was going on at the time. ”

“Yeah, well, it gets complicated, so pay attention. You know how Alice sees things? ”

I took his scowl – the wolves weren’t thrilled that the legends of vampires possessing supernatural gifts were true – for a yes, and proceeded with the account of my race through Italy to rescue Edward.

I kept it as succinct as possible – leaving out anything that wasn’t essential. I tried to read Jacob’s reactions, but his face was enigmatic as I explained how Alice had seen Edward plan to kill himself when he’d heard that I was dead. Sometimes Jacob seemed so deep in thought, I wasn’t sure if he was listening. He only interrupted one time.

“The fortune‑ telling bloodsucker can’t see us? ” he echoed, his face both fierce and gleeful. “Seriously? That’s excellent! ”

I clenched my teeth together, and we sat in silence, his face expectant as he waited for me to continue. I glared at him until he realized his mistake.

“Oops! ” he said. “Sorry. ” He locked his lips again.

His response was easier to read when I got to the part about the Volturi. His teeth clenched together, goose bumps rose on his arms, and his nostrils flared. I didn’t go into specifics, I just told him that Edward had talked us out of trouble, without revealing the promise we’d had to make, or the visit we were anticipating. Jacob didn’t need to have my nightmares.

“Now you know the whole story, ” I concluded. “So it’s your turn to talk. What happened while I was with my mom this weekend? ” I knew Jacob would give me more details than Edward had. He wasn’t afraid of scaring me.

Jacob leaned forward, instantly animated. “So Embry and Quil and I were running patrol on Saturday night, just routine stuff, when out of nowhere – bam! ” He threw his arms out, impersonating an explosion. “There it is – a fresh trail, not fifteen minutes old. Sam wanted us to wait for him, but I didn’t know you were gone, and I didn’t know if your bloodsuckers were keeping an eye on you or not. So we took off after her at full speed, but she’d crossed the treaty line before we caught up. We spread out along the line, hoping she’d cross back over. It was frustrating, let me tell you. ” He wagged his head and his hair – growing out from the short crop he’d adopted when he’d joined the pack – flopped into his eyes. “We ended up too far south. The Cullens chased her back to our side just a few miles north of us. Would have been the perfect ambush if we’d known where to wait. ”

He shook his head, grimacing now. “That’s when it got dicey. Sam and the others caught up to her before we did, but she was dancing right along the line, and the whole coven was right there on the other side. The big one, what’s‑ his‑ name –”

“Emmett. ”

“Yeah, him. He made a lunge for her, but that redhead is fast! He flew right behind her and almost rammed into Paul. So, Paul. . . well, you know Paul. ”

“Yeah. ”

“Lost his focus. Can’t say that I blame him – the big bloodsucker was right on top of him. He sprang – hey, don’t give me that look. The vampire was on our land. ”

I tried to compose my face so that he would go on. My nails were digging into my palms with the stress of the story, even though I knew it had turned out fine.

“Anyway, Paul missed, and the big one got back on his side. But by then the, er, well the, uh, blonde. . . ” Jacob’s expression was a comical mix of disgust and unwilling admiration as he tried to come up with a word to describe Edward’s sister.

“Rosalie. ”

“Whatever. She got real territorial, so Sam and I fell back to get Paul’s flanks. Then their leader and the other blond male –”

“Carlisle and Jasper. ”

He gave me an exasperated look. “You know I don’t really care. Anyway, so Carlisle spoke to Sam, trying to calm things down. Then it was weird, because everyone got really calm really fast. It was that other one you told me about, messing with our heads. But even though we knew what he was doing, we couldn’t not be calm. ”

“Yeah, I know how it feels. ”

“Really annoying, that’s how it feels. Only you can’t be annoyed until afterwards. ” He shook his head angrily. “So Sam and the head vamp agreed that Victoria was the priority, and we started after her again. Carlisle gave us the line, so that we could follow the scent properly, but then she hit the cliffs just north of Makah country, right where the line hugs the coast for a few miles. She took off into the water again. The big one and the calm one wanted permission to cross the line to go after her, but of course we said no. ”

“Good. I mean, you were being stupid, but I’m glad. Emmett’s never cautious enough. He could have gotten hurt. ”

Jacob snorted. “So did your vampire tell you we attacked for no reason and his totally innocent coven –”

“No, ” I interrupted. “Edward told me the same story, just without quite as many details. ”

“Huh, ” Jacob said under his breath, and he bent over to pick up a rock from among the millions of pebbles at our feet. With a casual flick, he sent it flying a good hundred meters out into the bay. “Well, she’ll be back, I guess. We’ll get another shot at her. ”

I shuddered; of course she would be back. Would Edward really tell me next time? I wasn’t sure. I’d have to keep an eye on Alice, to look for the signs that the pattern was about to repeat. . . .

Jacob didn’t seem to notice my reaction. He was staring across the waves with a thoughtful expression on his face, his broad lips pursed.

“What are you thinking about? ” I asked after a long, quiet time.

“I’m thinking about what you told me. About when the fortune‑ teller saw you cliff jumping and thought you’d committed suicide, and how it all got out of control. . . . Do you realize that if you had just waited for me like you were supposed to, then the bl – Alice wouldn’t have been able to see you jump? Nothing would have changed. We’d probably be in my garage right now, like any other Saturday. There wouldn’t be any vampires in Forks, and you and me. . . ” He trailed off, deep in thought.

It was disconcerting the way he said this, like it would be a good thing to have no vampires in Forks. My heart thumped unevenly at the emptiness of the picture he painted.

“Edward would have come back anyway. ”

“Are you sure about that? ” he asked, belligerent again as soon as I spoke Edward’s name.

“Being apart. . . It didn’t work out so well for either of us. ”

He started to say something, something angry from his expression, but he stopped himself, took a breath, and began again.

“Did you know Sam is mad at you? ”

“Me? ” It took me a second. “Oh. I see. He thinks they would have stayed away if I wasn’t here. ”

“No. That’s not it. ”

“What’s his problem then? ”

Jacob leaned down to scoop up another rock. He turned it over and over in his fingers; his eyes were riveted on the black stone while he spoke in a low voice.

“When Sam saw. . . how you were in the beginning, when Billy told them how Charlie worried when you didn’t get better, and then when you started jumping off cliffs. . . ”

I made a face. No one was ever going to let me forget that.

Jacob’s eyes flashed up to mine. “He thought you were the one person in the world with as much reason to hate the Cullens as he does. Sam feels sort of. . . betrayed that you would just let them back into your life like they never hurt you. ”

I didn’t believe for a second that Sam was the only one who felt that way. And the acid in my voice now was for both of them.

“You can tell Sam to go right to –”

“Look at that, ” Jacob interrupted me, pointing to an eagle in the act of plummeting down toward the ocean from an incredible height. It checked itself at the last minute, only its talons breaking the surface of the waves, just for an instant. Then it flapped away, its wings straining against the load of the huge fish it had snagged.

“You see it everywhere, ” Jacob said, his voice suddenly distant. “Nature taking its course – hunter and prey, the endless cycle of life and death. ”

I didn’t understand the point of the nature lecture; I guessed that he was just trying to change the subject. But then he looked down at me with dark humor in his eyes.

“And yet, you don’t see the fish trying to plant a kiss on the eagle. You never see that. ” He grinned a mocking grin.

I grinned back tightly, though the acid taste was still in my mouth. “Maybe the fish was trying, ” I suggested. “It’s hard to tell what a fish is thinking. Eagles are good‑ looking birds, you know. ”

“Is that what it comes down to? ” His voice was abruptly sharper. “Good looks? ”

“Don’t be stupid, Jacob. ”

“Is it the money, then? ” he persisted.

“That’s nice, ” I muttered, getting up from the tree. “I’m flattered that you think so much of me. ” I turned my back on him and paced away.

“Aw, don’t get mad. ” He was right behind me; he caught my wrist and spun me around. “I’m serious! I’m trying to understand here, and I’m coming up blank. ”

His eyebrows pushed together angrily, and his eyes were black in their deep shadow.

“I love him. Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich! ” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit – because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand? ”

“It’s impossible to understand. ”

“Please enlighten me, then, Jacob. ” I let the sarcasm flow thick. “What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I’m doing it wrong. ”

“I think the best place to start would be to look within your own species. That usually works. ”

“Well, that just sucks! ” I snapped. “I guess I’m stuck with Mike Newton after all. ”

Jacob flinched back and bit his lip. I could see that my words had hurt him, but I was too mad to feel bad about that yet. He dropped my wrist and folded his arms across his chest, turning from me to glare toward the ocean.

“I’m human, ” he muttered, his voice almost inaudible.

“You’re not as human as Mike, ” I continued ruthlessly. “Do you still think that’s the most important consideration? ”

“It’s not the same thing. ” Jacob didn’t look away from the gray waves. “I didn’t choose this. ”

I laughed once in disbelief. “Do you think Edward did? He didn’t know what was happening to him any more than you did. He didn’t exactly sign up for this. ”

Jacob was shaking his head back and forth with a small, quick movement.

“You know, Jacob, you’re awfully self‑ righteous – considering that you’re a werewolf and all. ”

“It’s not the same, ” Jacob repeated, glowering at me.

“I don’t see why not. You could be a bit more understanding about the Cullens. You have no idea how truly good they are – to the core, Jacob. ”

He frowned more deeply. “They shouldn’t exist. Their existence goes against nature. ”

I stared at him for a long moment with one eyebrow raised incredulously. It was a while before he noticed.

“What? ”

“Speaking of unnatural. . . , ” I hinted.

“Bella, ” he said, his voice slow and different. Aged. I realized that he sounded suddenly older than me – like a parent or a teacher. “What I am was born in me. It’s a part of who I am, who my family is, who we all are as a tribe – it’s the reason why we’re still here.

“Besides that” – he looked down at me, his black eyes unreadable – “I am still human. ”

He picked up my hand and pressed it to his fever‑ warm chest. Through his t‑ shirt, I could feel the steady beating of his heart under my palm.

“Normal humans can’t throw motorcycles around the way you can. ”

He smiled a faint, half‑ smile. “Normal humans run away from monsters, Bella. And I never claimed to be normal. Just human. ”

Staying angry with Jacob was too much work. I started to smile as I pulled my hand away from his chest.

“You look plenty human to me, ” I allowed. “At the moment. ”

“I feel human. ” He stared past me, his face far away. His lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it hard.

“Oh, Jake, ” I whispered, reaching for his hand.

This was why I was here. This was why I would take whatever reception waited for me when I got back. Because, underneath all the anger and the sarcasm, Jacob was in pain. Right now, it was very clear in his eyes. I didn’t know how to help him, but I knew I had to try. It was more than that I owed him. It was because his pain hurt me, too. Jacob had become a part of me, and there was no changing that now.

5 IMPRINT

“ARE YOU OKAY, JAKE? CHARLIE SAID YOU WERE HAVING a hard time. . . . Isn’t it getting any better? ”

His warm hand curled around mine. “’S not so bad, ” he said, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

He walked slowly back to the driftwood bench, staring at the rainbow‑ colored pebbles, and pulling me along at his side. I sat back down on our tree, but he sat on the wet, rocky ground rather than next to me. I wondered if it was so that he could hide his face more easily. He kept my hand.

I started babbling to fill the silence. “It’s been so long since I was here. I’ve probably missed a ton of things. How are Sam and Emily? And Embry? Did Quil –? ”

I broke off mid‑ sentence, remembering that Jacob’s friend Quil had been a sensitive subject.

“Ah, Quil, ” Jacob sighed.

So then it must have happened – Quil must have joined the pack.

“I’m sorry, ” I mumbled.

To my surprise, Jacob snorted. “Don’t say that to him. ”

“What do you mean? ”

“Quil’s not looking for pity. Just the opposite – he’s jazzed. Totally thrilled. ”

This made no sense to me. All the other wolves had been so depressed at the idea of their friend sharing their fate. “Huh? ”

Jacob tilted his head back to look at me. He smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Quil thinks it’s the coolest thing that’s ever happened to him. Part of it is finally knowing what’s going on. And he’s excited to have his friends back – to be part of the ‘in crowd. ’” Jacob snorted again. “Shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. It’s so Quil. ”

“He likes it? ”

“Honestly. . . most of them do, ” Jacob admitted slowly. “There are definitely good sides to this – the speed, the freedom, the strength. . . the sense of – of family. . . . Sam and I are the only ones who ever felt really bitter. And Sam got past that a long time ago. So I’m the crybaby now. ” Jacob laughed at himself.

There were so many things I wanted to know. “Why are you and Sam different? What happened to Sam anyway? What’s his problem? ” The questions tumbled out without room to answer them, and Jacob laughed again.

“Is he ready to kill me? ” Jacob asked with a grim smile, unconcerned by my anger.

“Not like you seem to be! ” I realized I was yelling. “At least he can be a grown‑ up about this. He knows that hurting you would hurt me – and so he never would. You don’t seem to care about that at all! ”

“Yeah, right, ” Jacob muttered. “I’m sure he’s quite the pacifist. ”

“Ugh! ” I ripped my hand out of his and shoved his head away. Then I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around them.

I glared out toward the horizon, fuming.

Jacob was quiet for a few minutes. Finally, he got up off the ground and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I shook it off.

“Sorry, ” he said quietly. “I’ll try to behave myself. ”

I didn’t answer.

“Do you still want to hear about Sam? ” he offered.

I shrugged.

“That’s a long story. ” I’d seen the long gash clearly, seen the blood that flowed into the sink. The rust‑ and‑ salt smell of it had almost pulled me under. It should have needed stitches. It should have taken days to scab over and then weeks to fade into the shiny pink scar that marked his skin now.

“I told you a long story. Besides, I’m not in any hurry to get back, ” I said, and then I grimaced as I thought of the trouble I would be in. He screwed his mouth up into half a smile and thumped his fist once against his chest. “Werewolf, remember? ”

He looked up at me swiftly, hearing the double edge in my words. “Will he be mad at you? ” His eyes held mine for an immeasurable moment.

“Yes, ” I admitted. “He really hates it when I do things he considers. . . risky. ” “Right, ” I finally said.

“Like hanging out with werewolves. ” He laughed at my expression. “I told you this. You saw Paul’s scar. ”

“Yeah. ” I shook my head to clear it. “It’s a little different, seeing the action sequence firsthand. ”

Jacob shrugged. “So don’t go back. I’ll sleep on the couch. ” I kneeled down and dug the bleach out of the cabinet under the sink. Then I poured some on a dusting rag and started scrubbing the floor. The burning scent of the bleach cleared the last of the dizziness from my head.

“That’s a great idea, ” I grumbled. “Because then he would come looking for me. ” “Let me clean up, ” Jacob said.

Jacob stiffened, and then smiled bleakly. “Would he? ” “I got this. Throw that towel in the wash, will you? ”

“If he was afraid I was hurt or something – probably. ” When I was sure the floor smelled of nothing but bleach, I got up and rinsed the right side of the sink with bleach, too. Then I went to the laundry closet beside the pantry, and poured a cupful into the washing machine before starting it. Jacob watched me with a disapproving look on his face.

“My idea’s sounding better all the time. ” “Do you have obsessive‑ compulsive disorder? ” he asked when I was done.

“Please, Jake. That really bugs me. ” Huh. Maybe. But at least I had a good excuse this time. “We’re a bit sensitive to blood around here. I’m sure you can understand that. ”

“What does? ” “Oh. ” He wrinkled his nose again.

“Like I said, it’s a long story. And very. . . strange. There’re so many strange things about this new life. I haven’t had time to tell you the half of it. And this thing with Sam – well, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to explain it right. ”

His words pricked my curiosity in spite of my irritation.

“I’m listening, ” I said stiffly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the side of his face pull up in a smile.

“Sam had it so much harder than the rest of us. Because he was the first, and he was alone, and he didn’t have anyone to tell him what was happening. Sam’s grandfather died before he was born, and his father has never been around. There was no one there to recognize the signs. The first time it happened – the first time he phased – he thought he’d gone insane. It took him two weeks to calm down enough to change back.

“This was before you came to Forks, so you wouldn’t remember. Sam’s mother and Leah Clearwater had the forest rangers searching for him, the police. People thought there had been an accident or something. . . . ”

“Leah? ” I asked, surprised. Leah was Harry’s daughter. Hearing her name sent an automatic surge of pity through me. Harry Clearwater, Charlie’s life‑ long friend, had died of a heart attack this past spring.

His voice changed, became heavier. “Yeah. Leah and Sam were high school sweethearts. They started dating when she was just a freshman. She was frantic when he disappeared. ”

“But he and Emily –”

“I’ll get to that – it’s part of the story, ” he said. He inhaled slowly, and then exhaled in a gust.

I supposed it was silly for me to imagine that Sam had never loved anyone before Emily. Most people fall in and out of love many times in their lives. It was just that I’d seen Sam with Emily, and I couldn’t imagine him with someone else. The way he looked at her. . . well, it reminded me of a look I’d seen sometimes in Edward’s eyes – when he was looking at me.

“Sam came back, ” Jacob said, “but he wouldn’t talk to anyone about where he’d been. Rumors flew – that he was up to no good, mostly. And then Sam happened to run in to Quil’s grandfather one afternoon when Old Quil Ateara came to visit Mrs. Uley. Sam shook his hand. Old Quil just about had a stroke. ” Jacob paused to laugh.

“Why? ”

Jacob put his hand on my cheek and pulled my face around to look at him – he was leaning toward me, his face was just a few inches away. His palm burned my skin, like he had a fever.

“Oh, right, ” I said. It was uncomfortable, having my face so close to his with his hand hot against my skin. “Sam was running a temperature. ”

Jacob laughed again. “Sam’s hand felt like he’d left it sitting on a hot stovetop. ”

He was so close, I could feel his warm breath. I reached up casually, to take his hand away and free my face, but wound my fingers through his so that I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. He smiled and leaned back, undeceived by my attempt at nonchalance.

“So Mr. Ateara went straight to the other elders, ” Jacob went on. “They were the only ones left who still knew, who remembered. Mr. Ateara, Billy, and Harry had actually seen their grandfathers make the change. When Old Quil told them, they met with Sam secretly and explained.

“It was easier when he understood – when he wasn’t alone anymore. They knew he wouldn’t be the only one affected by the Cullens’ return” – he pronounced the name with unconscious bitterness – “but no one else was old enough. So Sam waited for the rest of us to join him. . . . ”

“The Cullens had no idea, ” I said in a whisper. “They didn’t think that werewolves still existed here. They didn’t know that coming here would change you. ”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it did. ”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side. ”

“You think I should be as forgiving as you are? We can’t all be saints and martyrs. ”

“Grow up, Jacob. ”

“I wish I could, ” he murmured quietly.

I stared at him, trying to make sense of his response. “What? ”

Jacob chuckled. “One of those many strange things I mentioned. ”

“You. . . can’t. . . grow up? ” I said blankly. “You’re what? Not. . . aging? Is that a joke? ”

“Nope. ” He popped his lips on the P.

I felt blood flood my face. Tears – tears of rage – filled my eyes. My teeth mashed together with an audible grinding sound.

“Bella? What did I say? ”

I was on my feet again, my hands balled up into fists, my whole frame shaking.

“You. Are. Not. Aging, ” I growled through my teeth.

Jacob tugged my arm gently, trying to make me sit. “None of us are. What’s wrong with you? ”

“Am I the only one who has to get old? I get older every stinking day! ” I nearly shrieked, throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a Charlie‑ esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part. “Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where’s the justice? ”

“Take it easy, Bella. ”

“Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair! ”

“Did you seriously just stamp your foot? I thought girls only did that on TV. ”

I growled unimpressively.

“It’s not as bad as you seem to think it is. Sit down and I’ll explain. ”

“I’ll stand. ”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay. Whatever you want. But listen, I will get older. . . someday. ”

“Explain. ”

He patted the tree. I glowered for a second, but then sat; my temper had burned out as suddenly as it had flared and I’d calmed down enough to realize that I was making a fool of myself.

“When we get enough control to quit. . . , ” Jacob said. “When we stop phasing for a solid length of time, we age again. It’s not easy. ” He shook his head, abruptly doubtful. “It’s gonna take a really long time to learn that kind of restraint, I think. Even Sam’s not there yet. ’Course it doesn’t help that there’s a huge coven of vampires right down the road. We can’t even think about quitting when the tribe needs protectors. But you shouldn’t get all bent out of shape about it, anyway, because I’m already older than you, physically at least. ”

“What are you talking about? ”

“Look at me, Bells. Do I look sixteen? ”

I glanced up and down his mammoth frame, trying to be unbiased. “Not exactly, I guess. ”

“Not at all. Because we reach full growth inside of a few months when the werewolf gene gets triggered. It’s one hell of a growth spurt. ” He made a face. “Physically, I’m probably twenty‑ five or something. So there’s no need for you to freak out about being too old for me for at least another seven years. ”

Twenty‑ five or something. The idea messed with my head. But I remembered that growth spurt – I remembered watching him shoot up and fill out right before my eyes. I remembered how he would look different from one day to the next. . . . I shook my head, feeling dizzy.

“So, did you want to hear about Sam, or did you want to scream at me some more for things that are out of my control? ”

I took a deep breath. “Sorry. Age is a touchy subject for me. That hit a nerve. ”

Jacob’s eyes tightened, and he looked as if he were trying to decide how to word something.

Since I didn’t want to talk about the truly touchy stuff – my plans for the future, or treaties that might be broken by said plans, I prompted him. “So once Sam understood what was going on, once he had Billy and Harry and Mr. Ateara, you said it wasn’t so hard anymore. And, like you also said, there are the cool parts. . . . ” I hesitated briefly. “Why does Sam hate them so much? Why does he wish I would hate them? ”

Jacob sighed. “This is the really weird part. ”

“I’m a pro at weird. ”

“Yeah, I know. ” He grinned before he continued. “So, you’re right. Sam knew what was going on, and everything was almost okay. In most ways, his life was back to, well, not normal. But better. ” Then Jacob’s expression tightened, like something painful was coming. “Sam couldn’t tell Leah. We aren’t supposed to tell anyone who doesn’t have to know. And it wasn’t really safe for him to be around her – but he cheated, just like I did with you. Leah was furious that he wouldn’t tell her what was going on – where he’d been, where he went at night, why he was always so exhausted – but they were working it out. They were trying. They really loved each other. ”

“Did she find out? Is that what happened? ”

He shook his head. “No, that wasn’t the problem. Her cousin, Emily Young, came down from the Makah reservation to visit her one weekend. ”

I gasped. “Emily is Leah’s cousin? ”

“Second cousins. They’re close, though. They were like sisters when they were kids. ”

“That’s. . . horrible. How could Sam. . . ? ” I trailed off, shaking my head.

“Don’t judge him just yet. Did anyone ever tell you. . . Have you ever heard of imprinting? ”

“Imprinting? ” I repeated the unfamiliar word. “No. What’s that mean? ”

“It’s one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesn’t happen to everyone. In fact, it’s the rare exception, not the rule. Sam had heard all the stories by then, the stories we all used to think were legends. He’d heard of imprinting, but he never dreamed. . . ”

“What is it? ” I prodded.

Jacob’s eyes strayed to the ocean. “Sam did love Leah. But when he saw Emily, that didn’t matter anymore. Sometimes. . . we don’t exactly know why. . . we find our mates that way. ” His eyes flashed back to me, his face reddening. “I mean. . . our soul mates. ”

“What way? Love at first sight? ” I snickered.

Jacob wasn’t smiling. His dark eyes were critical of my reaction. “It’s a little bit more powerful than that. More absolute. ”

“Sorry, ” I muttered. “You’re serious, aren’t you? ”

“Yeah, I am. ”

“Love at first sight? But more powerful? ” My voice still sounded dubious, and he could hear that.

“It’s not easy to explain. It doesn’t matter, anyway. ” He shrugged indifferently. “You wanted to know what happened to Sam to make him hate the vampires for changing him, to make him hate himself. And that’s what happened. He broke Leah’s heart. He went back on every promise he’d ever made her. Every day he has to see the accusation in her eyes, and know that she’s right. ”

He stopped talking abruptly, as if he’d said something he hadn’t meant to.

“How did Emily deal with this? If she was so close to Leah. . . ? ” Sam and Emily were utterly right together, two puzzle pieces, shaped for each other exactly. Still. . . how had Emily gotten past the fact that he’d belonged to someone else? Her sister, almost.

“She was real angry, in the beginning. But it’s hard to resist that level of commitment and adoration. ” Jacob sighed. “And then, Sam could tell her everything. There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half. You know how she got hurt? ”

“Yeah. ” The story in Forks was that she was mauled by a bear, but I was in on the secret.

Werewolves are unstable, Edward had said. The people near them get hurt.

“Well, weirdly enough, that was sort of how they resolved things. Sam was so horrified, so sickened by himself, so full of hate for what he’d done. . . . He would have thrown himself under a bus if it would have made her feel better. He might have anyway, just to escape what he’d done. He was shattered. . . . Then, somehow, she was the one comforting him, and after that. . . . ”

Jacob didn’t finish his thought, and I sensed the story had gotten too personal to share.

“Poor Emily, ” I whispered. “Poor Sam. Poor Leah. . . . ”

“Yeah, Leah got the worst end of the stick, ” he agreed. “She puts on a brave face. She’s going to be a bridesmaid. ”

I gazed away, toward the jagged rocks that rose from the ocean like stubby broken‑ off fingers on the south rim of the harbor, while I tried to make sense of it all. I could feel his eyes on my face, waiting for me to say something.

“Did it happen to you? ” I finally asked, still looking away. “This love‑ at‑ first‑ sight thing? ”

“No, ” he answered briskly. “Sam and Jared are the only ones. ”

“Hmm, ” I said, trying to sound only politely interested. I was relieved, and I tried to explain my reaction to myself. I decided I was just glad he didn’t claim there was some mystical, wolfy connection between the two of us. Our relationship was confusing enough as it was. I didn’t need any more of the supernatural than I already had to deal with.

He was quiet, too, and the silence felt a little awkward. My intuition told me that I didn’t want to hear what he was thinking.

“How did that work out for Jared? ” I asked to break the silence.

“No drama there. It was just a girl he’d sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. She’d had a huge crush on him. She’d had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary. ” He laughed mockingly.

I frowned. “Did Jared tell you that? He shouldn’t have. ”

Jacob bit his lip. “I guess I shouldn’t laugh. It was funny, though. ”

“Some soul mate. ”

He sighed. “Jared didn’t tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember? ”

“Oh, yeah. You can hear each other’s thoughts, but only when you’re wolves, right? ”

“Right. Just like your bloodsucker. ” He glowered.

“Edward, ” I corrected.

“Sure, sure. That’s how come I know so much about how Sam felt. It’s not like he would have told us all that if he’d had a choice. Actually, that’s something we all hate. ” The bitterness was abruptly harsh in his voice. “It’s awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you’re ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see. ” He shuddered.

“It sounds horrible, ” I whispered.

“It is sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate, ” he said grudgingly. “Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun. And if the Cullens hadn’t gotten in our way last Saturday. . . ugh! ” he groaned. “We could have had her! ” His fists clenched into angry balls.

I flinched. As much as I worried about Jasper or Emmett getting hurt, it was nothing like the panic I felt at the idea of Jacob going up against Victoria. Emmett and Jasper were the closest thing to indestructible I could imagine. Jacob was still warm, still comparatively human. Mortal. I thought of Jacob facing Victoria, her brilliant hair blowing around her oddly feline face. . . and shuddered.

Jacob looked up at me with a curious expression. “But isn’t it like that for you all the time? Having him in your head? ”

“Oh, no. Edward’s never in my head. He only wishes. ”

Jacob’s expression became confused.

“He can’t hear me, ” I explained, my voice a tiny bit smug from old habit. “I’m the only one like that, for him. We don’t know why he can’t. ”

“Weird, ” Jacob said.

“Yeah. ” The smugness faded. “It probably means there’s something wrong with my brain, ” I admitted.

“I already knew there was something wrong with your brain, ” Jacob muttered.

“Thanks. ”

The sun broke through the clouds suddenly, a surprise I hadn’t been expecting, and I had to narrow my eyes against the glare off the water. Everything changed color – the waves turned from gray to blue, the trees from dull olive to brilliant jade, and the rainbow‑ hued pebbles glittered like jewels.

We squinted for a moment, letting our eyes adjust. There were no sounds besides the hollow roar of the waves that echoed from every side of the sheltered harbor, the soft grinding of the stones against each other under the water’s movement, and the cry of gulls high overhead. It was very peaceful.

Jacob settled closer to me, so that he was leaning against my arm. He was so warm. After a minute of this, I shrugged out of my rain jacket. He made a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat, and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I could feel the sun heat my skin – thought it was not quite as warm as Jacob – and I wondered idly how long it would take me to burn.

Absentmindedly, I twisted my right hand to the side, and watched the sunlight glitter subtly off the scar James had left there.

“What are you thinking about? ” he murmured.

“The sun. ”

“Mmm. It’s nice. ”

“What are you thinking about? ” I asked.

He chuckled to himself. “I was remembering that moronic movie you took me to. And Mike Newton puking all over everything. ”

I laughed, too, surprised by how time had changed the memory. It used to be one of stress, of confusion. So much had changed that night. . . . And now I could laugh. It was the last night Jacob and I had had before he’d learned the truth about his heritage. The last human memory. An oddly pleasant memory now.

“I miss that, ” Jacob said. “The way it used to be so easy. . . uncomplicated. I’m glad I’ve got a good memory. ” He sighed.

He felt the sudden tension in my body as his words triggered a memory of my own.

“What is it? ” he asked.

“About that good memory of yours. . . ” I pulled away from him so that I could read his face. At the moment, it was confused. “Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were thinking something that bothered Edward. ” Bothered wasn’t quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.

Jacob’s face brightened with understanding, and he laughed. “I was just thinking about you. Didn’t like that much, did he? ”

“Me? What about me? ”

Jacob laughed, with a harder edge this time. “I was remembering the way you looked that night Sam found you – I’ve seen it in his head, and it’s like I was there; that memory has always haunted Sam, you know. And then I remembered how you looked the first time you came to my place. I bet you don’t even realize what a mess you were then, Bella. It was weeks before you started to look human again. And I remembered how you always used to have your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to hold yourself together. . . . ” Jacob winced, and then shook his head. “It’s hard for me to remember how sad you were, and it wasn’t my fault. So I figured it would be harder for him. And I thought he ought to get a look at what he’d done. ”

I smacked his shoulder. It hurt my hand. “Jacob Black, don’t you ever do that again! Promise me you won’t. ”

“No way. I haven’t had that much fun in months. ”

“So help me, Jake –”

“Oh, get a grip, Bella. When am I ever going to see him again? Don’t worry about it. ”

I got to my feet, and he caught my hand as I started to walk away. I tried to tug free.

“I’m leaving, Jacob. ”

“No, don’t go yet, ” he protested, his hand tightening around mine. “I’m sorry. And. . . okay, I won’t do it again. Promise. ”

I sighed. “Thanks, Jake. ”

“Come on, we’ll go back to my house, ” he said eagerly.

“Actually, I think I really do need to go. Angela Weber is expecting me, and I know Alice is worried. I don’t want to upset her too much. ”

“But you just got here! ”

“It feels that way, ” I agreed. I glared up at the sun, somehow already directly overhead. How had the time passed so quickly?

His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again, ” he said in a hurt voice.

“I’ll come back the next time he’s away, ” I promised impulsively.

“Away? ” Jacob rolled his eyes. “That’s a nice way to describe what he’s doing. Disgusting parasites. ”

“If you can’t be nice, I won’t come back at all! ” I threatened, trying to pull my hand free. He refused to let go.

“Aw, don’t be mad, ” he said, grinning. “Knee‑ jerk reaction. ”

“If I’m going to try to come back again, you’re going to have to get something straight, okay? ”

He waited.

“See, ” I explained. “I don’t care who’s a vampire and who’s a werewolf. That’s irrelevant. You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters. ”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “But I am a werewolf, ” he said unwillingly. “And he is a vampire, ” he added with obvious revulsion.

“And I’m a Virgo! ” I shouted, exasperated.

He raised his eyebrows, measuring my expression with curious eyes. Finally, he shrugged.

“If you can really see it that way. . . ”

“I can. I do. ”

“Okay. Just Bella and Jacob. None of those freaky Virgos here. ” He smiled at me, the warm, familiar smile that I had missed so much. I felt the answering smile spread across my face.

“I’ve really missed you, Jake, ” I admitted impulsively.

“Me, too, ” his smile widened. His eyes were happy and clear, free for once of the angry bitterness. “More than you know. Will you come back soon? ”

“As soon as I can, ” I promised.

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