Part Three 14 страница

At that moment Polenka, who had run to fetch her sister, squeezed quickly through the crowd in the entryway. She came in, almost breathless from running hard, took off her kerchief, sought out her mother with her eyes, went to her, and said: “She's coming! I met her in the street! ” Her mother pulled her down and made her kneel beside her. Timidly and inaudibly, a girl came in, squeezing through the crowd, and her sudden appearance was strange in that room, in the midst of poverty, rags, death, and despair. She, too, was in rags, a two-penny costume, but adorned in street fashion, to suit the taste and rules established in that special world, with a clearly and shamefully explicit purpose. Sonya stood in the entryway, just at the threshold but not crossing it, with a lost look, unconscious, as it seemed, of everything, forgetting her gaudy silk dress with its long and absurd train, bought at fourth hand and so unseemly here, and her boundless crinoline that blocked the entire doorway, and her light-colored shoes, and the little parasol, useless at night, which she still carried with her, and her absurd round straw hat with its flame-colored feather. From under this hat, cocked at a boyish angle, peered a thin, pale, and frightened little face, mouth open and eyes fixed in terror. Sonya was of small stature, about eighteen years old, thin but quite pretty, blond, and with remarkable blue eyes. She stared at the bed, at the priest; she, too, was breathless from walking quickly. Finally, certain whispered words from the crowd probably reached her. She looked down, took a step over the threshold, and stood in the room, though still just by the door.

Confession and communion were over. Katerina Ivanovna again went up to her husband's bed. The priest withdrew and, as he was leaving, tried to address a few words of admonition and comfort to Katerina Ivanovna.

“And what am I to do with these? ” she interrupted sharply and irritably, pointing to the little ones.

“God is merciful; hope for help from the Almighty, ” the priest began.

“Ehh! Merciful, but not to us! ”

“That is sinful, madam, sinful, ” the priest observed, shaking his head.

“And is this not sinful? ” cried Katerina Ivanovna, pointing to the dying man.

“Perhaps those who were the inadvertent cause will agree to compensate you, at least for the loss of income... ”

“You don't understand! ” Katerina Ivanovna cried irritably, waving her hand. “What is there to compensate? He was drunk; he went and got under the horses himself! And what income? There wasn't any income from him, there was only torment. The drunkard drank up everything. He stole from us, and took it to the pot-house; he wasted their lives and mine in the pot-house! Thank God he's dying! We'll have fewer losses! ”

“You would do better to forgive him in the hour of death. Such feelings are a sin, madam, a great sin! ”

Katerina Ivanovna was bustling around the sick man, giving him water, wiping the sweat and blood from his head, straightening his pillow, as she talked with the priest, and only turned to him from time to time while doing other things. But now she suddenly fell upon him almost in a frenzy.

“Eh, father! Words, nothing but words! Forgive him! And what if he didn't get run over? He'd come home drunk, wearing his only shirt, all dirty and ragged, and flop down and snore, and I'd be sloshing in the water till dawn, washing his and the children's rags, and then I'd hang them out the window to dry, and as soon as it was dawn, I'd sit down right away to mend them—that's my night! ... So what's all this talk about forgiveness! As if I hadn't forgiven him! ”

Deep, terrible coughing interrupted her words. She spat into her handkerchief and thrust it out for the priest to see, holding her other hand to her chest in pain. The handkerchief was all bloody. . .

The priest hung his head and said nothing.

Marmeladov was in his final agony; he would not take his eyes from the face of Katerina Ivanovna, who again bent over him. He kept wanting to say something to her; he tried to begin, moving his tongue with effort and uttering unintelligible words, but Katerina Ivanovna, understanding that he wanted to ask her forgiveness, at once shouted at him peremptorily:

“Be quiet! Don't! ... I know what you want to say! . . . ” And the sick man fell silent; but at that same moment his wandering eyes rested on the doorway, and he saw Sonya. . .

He had not noticed her until then: she was standing in the corner, in the shadows.

“Who's there? Who's there? ” he said suddenly, in a hoarse, breathless voice, all alarmed, in horror motioning with his eyes towards the doorway where his daughter stood, and making an effort to raise himself.

“Lie down! Lie do-o-own! ” cried Katerina Ivanovna.

But with an unnatural effort he managed to prop himself on one arm. He gazed wildly and fixedly at his daughter for some time, as though he did not recognize her. And indeed he had never seen her in such attire. All at once he recognized her—humiliated, crushed, bedizened, and ashamed, humbly waiting her turn to take leave of her dying father. Infinite suffering showed in his face.

“Sonya! Daughter! Forgive me! ” he cried, and tried to hold out his hand to her, but without its support he slipped from the sofa and went crashing face down on the floor; they rushed to pick him up, laid him out again, but by then he was almost gone. Sonya cried out weakly, ran and embraced him, and remained so in that embrace. He died in her arms.

“So he got it! ” Katerina Ivanovna cried, looking at her husband's corpse. “Well, what now? How am I going to bury him! And how am I going to feed them tomorrow, all of them? ”

Raskolnikov went up to Katerina Ivanovna.

“Katerina Ivanovna, ” he began, “last week your deceased husband told me all about his life and his circumstances... You may be sure that he spoke of you with rapturous respect. Since that evening, when I learned how devoted he was to all of you, and how he respected and loved you especially, Katerina Ivanovna, in spite of his unfortunate weakness, since that evening we became friends... Permit me now... to assist... to pay what is due to my deceased friend. Here are... twenty roubles, I think—and if this can serve to help you, then... I... in short, I'll come again—I'll be sure to come... maybe even tomorrow... Good-bye! ”

And he quickly left the room, hastening to squeeze through the crowd and reach the stairs; but in the crowd he suddenly ran into Nikodim Fomich, who had learned of the accident and wished to take a personal hand in the arrangements. They had not seen each other since that scene in the office, but Nikodim Fomich recognized him instantly.

“Ah, it's you? ” he asked.

“He's dead, ” Raskolnikov answered. “The doctor was here, a priest was here, everything's in order. Don't trouble the poor woman too much, she's consumptive as it is. Cheer her up with something, if you can... You're a kind man, I know. .. ” he added with a smirk, looking him straight in the eye.

“But, really, you're all soaked with blood, ” Nikodim Fomich remarked, making out by the light of the lantern several fresh spots of blood on Raskolnikov's waistcoat.

“Soaked, yes... I've got blood all over me! ” Raskolnikov said, with some peculiar look; then he smiled, nodded his head, and went down the stairs.

He went down slowly, unhurriedly, all in a fever, and filled, though he was not aware of it, with the new, boundless sensation of a sudden influx of full and powerful life. This sensation might be likened to the sensation of a man condemned to death who is suddenly and unexpectedly granted a pardon. ^{^[68]} Halfway down he was overtaken by the priest on his way home. Raskolnikov silently let him pass, exchanging wordless bows with him. But as he was going down the last few steps, he suddenly heard hurried footsteps behind him. Someone was running after him. It was Polenka; she was running after him and calling: “Listen! Listen! ”

He turned to her. She ran down the last flight and stopped very close to him, just one step higher. A dim light came from the courtyard. Raskolnikov made out the girl's thin but dear little face, smiling and looking at him with childish cheerfulness. She had come running with an errand, which apparently pleased her very much.

“Listen, what is your name?... and also, where do you live? ” she asked hurriedly, in a breathless little voice.

He put his two hands on her shoulders and looked at her with something like happiness. It gave him such pleasure to look at her—he did not know why himself.

“Who sent you? ”

“My sister Sonya sent me, ” the girl replied, smiling even more cheerfully.

“I just knew it was your sister Sonya. ”

“Mama sent me, too. When my sister Sonya was sending me, mama also came over and said: 'Run quickly, Polenka! ’”

“Do you love your sister Sonya? ”

“I love her most of all! ” Polenka said with some special firmness, and her smile suddenly became more serious.

“And will you love me? ”

Instead of an answer, he saw the girl's little face coming towards him, her full little lips naively puckered to kiss him. Suddenly her arms, thin as matchsticks, held him hard, her head bent to his shoulder, and the girl began crying softly, pressing her face harder and harder against him.

“I'm sorry for papa! ” she said after a minute, raising her tear-stained face and wiping away the tears with her hands. “We've had so many misfortunes lately, ” she added unexpectedly, with that especially solemn look children try so hard to assume when they suddenly want to talk like “big people. ”

“And did papa love you? ”

“He loved Lidochka most of all, ” she went on, very seriously and no longer smiling, just the way big people speak, “he loved her because she's little, and because she's sick, and he always brought her treats, and us he taught to read, and me he taught grammar and catechism, ” she added with dignity, “and mama didn't say anything, but we still knew she liked that, and papa knew it, and mama wants to teach me French, because it's time I got my education. ”

“And do you know how to pray? ”

“Oh, of course we do, since long ago! I pray to myself, because I'm big now, and Kolya and Lidochka pray out loud with mother; first they recite the 'Hail, Mary' and then another prayer: 'God forgive and bless our sister Sonya, ' and then 'God forgive and bless our other papa, ' because our old papa died already and this one is the other one, but we pray for that one, too. ”

“Polechka, my name is Rodion; pray for me, too, sometimes: 'and for the servant of God, Rodion'—that's all. ”

“I'll pray for you all the rest of my life, ” the girl said ardently, and suddenly laughed again, rushed to him, and again held him hard.

Raskolnikov told her his name, gave her the address, and promised to come the next day without fail. The girl went away completely delighted with him. It was past ten when he walked out to the street. Five minutes later he was standing on the bridge, in exactly the same spot from which the woman had thrown herself not long before.

“Enough! ” he said resolutely and solemnly. “Away with mirages, away with false fears, away with spectres! ... There is life! Was I not alive just now? My life hasn't died with the old crone! May the Lord remember her in His kingdom, and—enough, my dear, it's time to go! Now is the kingdom of reason and light and. .. and will and strength... and now we shall see! Now we shall cross swords! ” he added presumptuously, as if addressing some dark force and challenging it. “And I had already consented to live on a square foot of space!

“... I'm very weak at the moment, but... all my illness seems to have gone. And I knew it would when I went out today. By the way, Pochinkov's house is just two steps away. To Razumikhin's now, certainly, even if it weren't two steps away... let him win the bet! ... Let him have his laugh—it's nothing, let him! ... Strength, what's needed is strength; without strength you get nowhere; and strength is acquired by strength—that's something they don't know, ” he added proudly and self-confidently, and he left the bridge barely able to move his legs. Pride and self-confidence were growing in him every moment; with each succeeding moment he was no longer the man he had been the moment before. What special thing was it, however, that had so turned him around? He himself did not know; like a man clutching at a straw, he suddenly fancied that he, too, “could live, that there still was life, that his life had not died with the old crone. ” It was perhaps a rather hasty conclusion, but he was not thinking of that.

“I did ask her to remember the servant of God, Rodion, however, ” suddenly flashed in his head. “Well, but that was... just in case! ” he added, and laughed at once at his own schoolboy joke. He was in excellent spirits.

He had no trouble finding Razumikhin; the new tenant of Pochinkov's house was already known, and the caretaker immediately showed him the way. From halfway up the stairs one could already hear the noise and animated conversation of a large gathering. The door to the stairs was wide open; shouts and arguing could be heard. Razumikhin's room was quite big, and about fifteen people were gathered in it. Raskolnikov stopped in the anteroom. There, behind a partition, two of the landlady's serving-girls busied themselves with two big samovars, bottles, plates and platters with pies and hors d'oeuvres brought from the landlady's kitchen. Raskolnikov asked for Razumikhin. He came running out, delighted. One could tell at a glance that he had drunk an unusual amount, and though Razumikhin was almost incapable of getting really drunk, this time the effect was somewhat noticeable.

“Listen, ” Raskolnikov hurried, “I only came to tell you that you've won the bet, and that indeed nobody knows what may happen to him. But I can't come in; I'm so weak I'm about to fall over. So, hello and good-bye! Come and see me tomorrow. . . ”

“You know what, I'm going to take you home! If you yourself say you're so weak, then. . . ”

“What about your guests? Who's that curly one who just peeked out here? ”

“Him? Devil knows! Must be some acquaintance of my uncle's, or maybe he came on his own... I'll leave my uncle with them, a most invaluable man, too bad you can't meet him right now. But devil take them all anyway! They've forgotten about me now, and besides, I need some cooling off, because you came just in time, brother: another two minutes and I'd have started a fight in there, by God! They pour out such drivel. . . You can't imagine to what extent a man can finally get himself wrapped up in lies! But why can't you imagine it? Don't we lie ourselves? Let them lie, then; and afterwards they won't lie... Sit down for a minute, I'll get Zossimov. ”

Zossimov fell upon Raskolnikov even with a sort of greediness; some special curiosity could be seen in him; soon his face brightened.

“To bed without delay, ” he decided, having examined the patient as well as he could, “and take a bit of something for the night. Will you? I've already prepared it... a little powder. ”

“Or two, even, ” Raskolnikov replied.

The powder was taken at once.

“It will be very good if you go with him, ” Zossimov remarked to Razumikhin. “We'll see what may happen tomorrow, but today it's not bad at all: quite a change from this morning. Live and learn. . . ”

“You know what Zossimov whispered to me just now, as we were leaving? ” Razumikhin blurted out as soon as they stepped into the street. “I'll tell you everything straight out, brother, because they're fools. Zossimov told me to chat you up on the way and get you to chat back, and then tell him, because he's got this idea... that you're... mad, or close to it. Imagine that! First, you're three times smarter than he is; second, if you're not crazy, you'll spit on him having such drivel in his head; and third, this hunk of meat—a surgeon by profession—has now gone crazy over mental illnesses, and what finally turned him around about you was your conversation today with Zamyotov. ”

“Zamyotov told you everything? ”

“Everything, and it's an excellent thing he did. I now understand it all inside and out; Zamyotov understands it, too... Well, in short, Rodya... the point is... I'm a bit drunk now... but that doesn't matter... the point is that this notion... you understand?... was really hatching in them... you understand? That is, none of them dared to say it aloud, because it's the most absurd drivel, and especially once they'd picked up that house-painter, it all popped and went out forever. But how can they be such fools? I gave Zamyotov a bit of a beating then—that's between us, brother, don't let out even a hint that you know; I've noticed he's touchy; it was at Laviza's—but today, today it all became clear. This Ilya Petrovich, mainly! He took advantage of your fainting in the office that time, but afterwards he felt ashamed himself, that I know... ”

Raskolnikov listened greedily. Razumikhin was drunk and telling all.

“I fainted that time because it was stuffy and smelled of oil paint, ” Raskolnikov said.

“He keeps explaining! And it wasn't only the paint: that inflammation had been coming on for a whole month; Zossimov is here to testify! But how mortified the boy is now, you can't even imagine! 'I'm not worth his little finger! ' he says—meaning yours. He occasionally has decent feelings, brother. But the lesson, the lesson today in the 'Crystal Palace, ' that tops them all! You really scared him at first, nearly drove him to convulsions! You really almost convinced him again about all that hideous nonsense, and then suddenly—stuck your tongue out at him: 'Take that! ' Perfect! Now he's crushed, destroyed! By God, you're an expert; it serves them right! Too bad I wasn't there! He's been waiting terribly for you now. Porfiry also wants to make your acquaintance. . . ”

“Ah... him, too... And why have I been put down as mad? ”

“Well, not mad, exactly. It seems I've been spouting off too much, brother... You see, it struck him today that you were interested only in just that one point; now it's clear why you were interested; knowing all the circumstances... and how it irritated you then, and got tangled up with your illness... I'm a little drunk, brother, only devil knows about him, he's got some idea in his head... I tell you, he's gone crazy over mental illnesses. But you can spit. . . ”

They were silent for half a minute or so.

“Listen, Razumikhin, ” Raskolnikov started to say, “I want to tell you straight out: I'm just coming from a dead man's house, some official who died... I gave them all my money... and besides, I was just kissed by a being who, even if I had killed someone, would still... in short, I saw another being there, too... with a flame-colored feather... but I'm getting confused; I'm very weak, hold me up... here's the stairs. . . ”

“What is it? What is it? ” asked the alarmed Razumikhin.

“I'm a little dizzy, only that's not the point, but I feel so sad, so sad! —like a woman... really! Look, what's that? Look! Look! ”

“What? ”

“Don't you see? A light in my room, see? Through the crack. . . ”

They were standing before the last flight, next to the landlady's door, and looking up one could indeed see that there was a light in Raskolnikov's closet.

“Strange! Nastasya, maybe, ” observed Razumikhin.

“She never comes to my room at this hour; besides, she's long been asleep, but... I don't care! Farewell! ”

“But what is it? I'll take you up, we'll go in together! ”

“I know we'll go in together, but I want to shake your hand here and say farewell to you here. So, give me your hand, and farewell! ”

“What's got into you, Rodya? ”

“Nothing; let's go; you'll be a witness. . . ”

They began climbing the stairs, and the thought flashed through Razumikhin's mind that Zossimov might be right after all. “Eh, I upset him with all my babbling! ” he muttered to himself. Suddenly, coming up to the door, they heard voices in the room.

“What's going on here? ” Razumikhin cried out.

Raskolnikov took the door first and flung it wide open, flung it open and stood rooted to the threshold.

His mother and sister were sitting on the sofa, and had already been waiting there for an hour and a half. Why was it that he had expected them least of all, and had thought of them least of all, even in spite of the earlier repeated news that they had left, were on their way, would arrive any moment? For the entire hour and a half they had been vying with each other in questioning Nastasya, who was standing before them even now and had managed to tell them the whole story backwards and forwards. They were beside themselves with fear when they heard that “he ran away today, ” sick, and, as appeared from the story, certainly delirious. “God, what's become of him! ” They both wept, they both endured the agony of the cross during that hour and a half of waiting.

A cry of rapturous joy greeted Raskolnikov's appearance. Both women rushed to him. But he stood like a dead man; a sudden, unbearable awareness struck him like a thunderbolt. And his arms would not rise to embrace them; they could not. His mother and sister hugged him tightly, kissed him, laughed, wept... He took a step, swayed, and collapsed on the floor in a faint.

Alarm, cries of terror, moans... Razumikhin, who was standing on the threshold, flew into the room, took the sick man up in his powerful arms, and in an instant had him lying on the sofa.

“It's nothing, nothing! ” he cried to the mother and sister, “he's just fainted, it's all rubbish! The doctor just said he was much better, completely well! Water! See, he's already recovering; see, he's come to! . . . ”

And grabbing Dunechka's arm so hard that he almost twisted it, he bent her down to see how “he's already come to. ” The mother and sister both looked upon Razumikhin with tenderness and gratitude, as on Providence itself; they had already heard from Nastasya what he had been for their Rodya throughout his illness—this “efficient young man, ” as he was referred to that same evening, in an intimate conversation with Dunva, by Pulcheria Alexandrovna Raskolnikov herself.

Part Three

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