Chapter 8 13 страница

And somehow, as all of that churned violently within her, she'd known what she had to do. She might be able to live without the children she hadn't yet borne, but she couldn't live without Simon. The children were amorphous, unknown beings she couldn't picture or touch.

But Simon—Simon was real and he was here. She knew how it felt to touch his cheek, to laugh in his presence. She knew the sweet taste of his kiss, and the wry quirk of his smile.

And she loved him.

And although she barely dared think it, maybe he was wrong. Maybe he could have children. Maybe he'd been misled by an incompetent surgeon, or maybe God was just waiting for the right time to bestow a miracle. She'd be unlikely to mother a brood the size of the Bridgertons, but if she could have even one child she knew she'd feel complete.

She wouldn't mention these thoughts to Simon, though. If he thought she was holding out even the tiniest hope for a child, he wouldn't marry her. She was sure of it. He'd gone to such lengths to be brutally honest. He wouldn't allow her to make a decision if he didn't think she had the facts absolutely straight.

"Daphne?"

Daphne, who had been sitting listlessly on the sofa in the Bridgerton's drawing room, looked up to see her mother gazing at her with an expression of deep concern.

"Are you all right?" Violet asked.

Daphne forced a weary smile. "I'm just tired," she replied. And she was. It hadn't even occurred to her until that very
moment that she hadn't slept in over thirty-six hours.

Violet sat beside her. "I thought you'd be more excited. I know how much you love Simon."

Daphne turned surprised eyes to her mother's face.

"It's not hard to see," Violet said gently. She patted her on the hand. "He's a good man. You've chosen well."

Daphne felt a wobbly smile coming on. She had chosen well. And she would make the best of her marriage.

If they weren't blessed with children—well, she reasoned, she might have turned out to be barren, anyway. She knew of several couples who had never had children, and she doubted any of them had known of their deficiencies prior to their marriage vows. And with seven brothers and sisters, she was sure to have plenty of nieces and nephews to hug and spoil.

Better to live with the man she loved than to have children with one she didn't.

"Why don't you take a nap?" Violet suggested. "You look terribly tired. I hate seeing such dark smudges below your eyes."

Daphne nodded and stumbled to her feet. Her mother knew best. Sleep was what she needed. "I'm sure I'll feel much better in an hour or two," she said, a wide yawn escaping her mouth.

Violet stood and offered her daughter her arm. "I don't think you're going to be able to make it up the stairs on your own," she said, smiling as she led Daphne out of the room and up the stairs. "And I sincerely doubt we'll see you in an hour or two. I shall give everyone explicit instructions that you are not to be disturbed until morning."

Daphne nodded sleepily. "Thaz good," she mumbled, stumbling into her room. "Morningsh good."

Violet steered Daphne to the bed and helped her into it. The shoes she pulled off, but that was all. "You might as well sleep in your clothes," she said softly, then bent to kiss her daughter on the forehead. "I can't imagine I'll be able to move you enough to get you out of them."

Daphne's only reply was a snore.

* * *

Simon, too, was exhausted. It wasn't every day that a man resigned himself to death. And then to be saved by—and
betrothed to!—the woman who had occupied his every dream for the past two weeks.

If he weren't sporting two black eyes and a sizable bruise on his chin, he'd have thought he'd dreamed the whole thing.

Did Daphne realize what she'd done? What she was denying herself? She was a levelheaded girl, not given to foolish dreams and flights of fancy; he didn't think she would have agreed to marry him without sorting through all the consequences.

But then again, she'd reached her decision in under a minute. How could she have thought everything through in under a minute?

Unless she fancied herself in love with him. Would she give up her dream of a family because she loved him?

Or maybe she did it out of guilt. If he'd died in that duel, he was sure Daphne could come up with some line of reasoning that would make it seem her fault. Hell, he liked Daphne. She was one of the finest people he knew. He didn't think he could live with her death on his conscience. Perhaps she felt the same way about him.

But whatever her motives, the simple truth was that come this Saturday (Lady Bridgerton had already sent him a note
informing him that the engagement would not be ah extended one) he would be bound to Daphne for life.

And she to him.

There was no stopping it now, he realized. Daphne would never back out of the marriage at this point, and neither would he. And to his utter surprise, this almost fatalistic certainty felt...

Good.

Daphne would be his. She knew of his shortcomings, she knew what he could not give her, and she had still chosen him.

It warmed his heart more than he would ever have thought possible.

"Your grace?"

Simon looked up from his slouchy position in his study's leather chair. Not that he needed to; the low, even voice was
obviously that of his butler. "Yes, Jeffries?"

"Lord Bridgerton is here to see you. Shall I inform him that you are not at home?"

Simon pulled himself to his feet. Damn, but he was tired. "He won't believe you."

Jeffries nodded. "Very well, sir." He took three steps, then turned around. "Are you certain you wish to receive a guest?
You do seem to be a trifle, er, indisposed."

Simon let out a single humorless chuckle. "If you are referring to my eyes, Lord Bridgerton would be the one responsible for the larger of the two bruises."

Jeffries blinked like an owl. "The larger, your grace?"

Simon managed a half-smile. It wasn't easy. His entire face hurt. "I realize it's difficult to discern, but my right eye is actually a touch worse off than the left."

Jeffries swayed closer, clearly intrigued.

"Trust me."

The butler straightened. "Of course. Shall I show Lord Bridgerton to the drawing room?"

"No, bring him here." At Jeffries's nervous swallow, Simon added, "And you needn't worry for my safety. Lord Bridgerton isn't likely to add to my injuries at this juncture. Not," he added in a mutter, "that he'd find it easy to find a spot he hasn't already injured."

Jeffries's eyes widened, and he scurried out of the room.

A moment later Anthony Bridgerton strode in. He took one look at Simon, and said, "You look like hell."

Simon stood and raised a brow—not an easy feat in his current condition. "This surprises you?"

Anthony laughed. The sound was a little mirthless, a little hollow, but Simon heard a shadow of his old friend. A shadow of their old friendship. He was surprised by how grateful he was for that.

Anthony motioned to Simon's eyes. "Which one is mine?"

"The right," Simon replied, gingerly touching his abused skin. "Daphne packs quite a punch for a girl, but she lacks your size and strength."

"Still," Anthony said, leaning forward to inspect his sister's handiwork, "she did quite a nice job."

"You should be proud of her," Simon grunted. "Hurts like the devil."

"Good."

And then they were silent, with so much to say and no idea how to say it.

"I never wanted it to be like this," Anthony finally said.

"Nor I."

Anthony leaned against the edge of Simon's desk, but he shifted uncomfortably, looking oddly ill at ease in his own body. "It wasn't easy for me to let you court her."

"You knew it wasn't real."

"You made it real last night."

What was he to say? That Daphne had been the seducer, not he? That she'd been the one to lead him off the terrace and
dance into the darkness of the night? None of that mattered. He was far more experienced than Daphne. He should have
been able to stop.

He said nothing.

"I hope we may put this behind us," Anthony said.

"I'm certain that would be Daphne's fondest wish."

Anthony's eyes narrowed. "And is it now your aim in life to grant her fondest wishes?"

All but one, Simon thought. All but the one that really matters. "You know that I will do everything in my capabilities to keep her happy," he said quietly.

Anthony nodded. "If you hurt her—"

"I will never hurt her," Simon vowed, his eyes blazing.

Anthony regarded him with a long and even stare. "I was prepared to kill you for dishonoring her. If you damage her soul, I guarantee you will never find peace as long as you live. Which," he added, his eyes turning slightly harder, "would not be long."

"Just long enough to put me in excruciating pain?" Simon asked mildly.

"Exactly."

Simon nodded. Even though Anthony was threatening torture and death, Simon could not help but respect him for it.
Devotion to one's sister was an honorable thing.

Simon wondered if Anthony perhaps saw something in him that no one else did. They had known each other for over half of their lives. Did Anthony somehow see the darkest corners of his soul? The anguish and fury he tried so hard to keep hidden?

And if so, was that why he worried for his sister's happiness?

"I give you my word," Simon said. "I will do everything in my power to keep Daphne safe and content."

Anthony nodded curtly. "See that you do." He pushed himself away from the desk and walked to the door. "Or you'll be seeing me."

He left.

Simon groaned and sank back into the leather chair. When had his life grown so damned complicated? When had friends become enemies and flirtations grown to lust?

And what the hell was he going to do with Daphne? He didn't want to hurt her, couldn't bear to hurt her, actually, and yet he was doomed to do so simply by marrying her. He burned for her, ached for the day when he could lay her down and cover her body with his, slowly entering her until she moaned his name—

He shuddered. Such thoughts could not possibly be advantageous to his health.

"Your grace?"

Jeffries again. Simon was too tired to look up, so he just made an acknowledging motion with his hand.

"Perhaps you would like to retire for the evening, your grace."

Simon managed to look at the clock, but that was only because he didn't have to move his head to do it. It was barely seven in the evening. Hardly his usual bedtime. "It's early yet," he mumbled.

"Still," the butler said pointedly, "perhaps you'd like to retire."

Simon closed his eyes. Jeffries had a point. Maybe what he needed was a long engagement with his feather mattress and fine linen sheets. He could escape to his bedroom, where he might manage to avoid seeing a Bridgerton for an entire night.

Hell, the way he felt, he might hole up there for days.

Chapter 13

It's marriage for the Duke of Hasting and Miss Bridgerton!

This Author must take this opportunity to remind you, dear reader, that the forthcoming nuptials were predicted
in this very column. It has not escaped the note of This Author that when this newspaper reports a new attachment between an eligible gentleman and an unmarried lady, the odds in the betting books at gentleman's clubs change within hours, and always in favor of marriage.

Although This Author is not allowed in White's, she has reason to believe that the official odds concerning the marriage of the duke and Miss Bridgerton were 2-1 for.

Lady Whistledowns Society Papers, 21 May 1813

The rest of the week flew by in a rush. Daphne didn't see Simon for several days. She might have thought he'd left town, except that Anthony told her he'd been over to Hastings House to settle the details of the marriage contract.

Much to Anthony's surprise, Simon had refused to accept even a penny as dowry. Finally, the two men had decided that Anthony would put the money his father had put aside for Daphne's marriage in a separate estate with himself as the trustee. It would be hers to spend or save as she liked.

"You can pass it along to your children," Anthony suggested.

Daphne only smiled. It was either that or cry.

A few days after that, Simon called upon Bridgerton House in the afternoon. It was two days before the wedding.

Daphne waited in the drawing room after Humboldt announced his arrival. She sat primly on the edge of the damask sofa, her back straight and her hands clasped together in her lap. She looked, she was sure, the very model of genteel English womanhood.

She felt a bundle of nerves.

Correction, she thought, as her stomach turned itself inside out, a bundle of nerves with frayed edges.

She looked down at her hands and realized that her fingernails were leaving red, crescent-shaped indentations on her palms.

Second correction, a bundle of nerves with frayed edges with an arrow stuck through them. Maybe a flaming arrow at that.

The urge to laugh was almost as overwhelming as it was inappropriate. She had never felt nervous at seeing Simon before. In fact, that had been possibly the most remarkable aspect of their friendship. Even when she caught him gazing at her with smoldering heat, and she was sure that her eyes reflected the same need, she had felt utterly comfortable with him. Yes, her stomach flipped and her skin tingled, but those were symptoms of desire, not of unease. First and foremost, Simon had been her friend, and Daphne knew that the easy, happy feeling she'd experienced whenever he was near was not something to be taken for granted.

She was confident that they would find their way back to that sense of comfort and companionship, but after the scene in Regent's Park, she very much feared that this would occur later rather than sooner.

"Good day, Daphne."

Simon appeared in the doorway, filling it with his marvelous presence. Well, perhaps his presence wasn't quite as marvelous as usual. His eyes still sported matching purple bruises, and the one on his chin was starting to turn an impressive shade of green.

Still, it was better than a bullet in the heart.

"Simon," Daphne replied. "How nice to see you. What brings you to Bridgerton House?"

He gave her a surprised look. "Aren't we betrothed?"

She blushed. "Yes, of course."

"It was my impression that men were supposed to visit their betrothed." He sat down across from her. "Didn't Lady Whistledown say something to that effect?"

"I don't think so," Daphne murmured, "but I'm certain my mother must have done."

They both smiled, and for a moment Daphne thought that all would be well again, but as soon as the smiles faded, an uncomfortable silence fell across the room.

"Are your eyes feeling any better?" she finally asked. "They don't look quite as swollen."

"Do you think?" Simon turned so that he was facing a large gilt mirror. "I rather think the bruises have turned a spectacular shade of blue."

"Purple."

He leaned forward, not that that brought him appreciably closer to the mirror. "Purple then, but I suppose it might be a debatable fact."

"Do they hurt?"

He smiled humorlessly. "Only when someone pokes at them."

"I shall refrain from doing so, then," she murmured, her lips quirking in a telltale twitch. "It shall be difficult, of course, but I shall persevere."

"Yes," he said, with a perfectly deadpan expression, "I've often been told I make women want to poke me in the eye."

Daphne's smile was one of relief. Surely if they could joke about such things, everything would go back to the way it was.

Simon cleared his throat. "I did have a specific reason for coming to see you."

Daphne gazed at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

He held out a jewelers' box. "This is for you."

Her breath caught in her throat as she reached for the small, velvet-covered box. "Are you certain?" she asked.

"I believe betrothal rings are considered quite de rigueur," he said quietly.

"Oh. How stupid of me. I didn't realize..."

'That it was a betrothal ring? What did you think it was?"

"I wasn't thinking," she admitted sheepishly. He'd never given her a gift before. She'd been so taken aback by the gesture she'd completely forgotten that he owed her a betrothal ring.

"Owed." She didn't like that word, didn't like that she'd even thought it. But she was fairly certain that that was what Simon must have been thinking when he'd picked out the ring.

This depressed her.

Daphne forced a smile. "Is this a family heirloom?"

"No!" he said, with enough vehemence to make her blink.

"Oh."

Yet another awkward silence.

He coughed, then said, "I thought you might like something of your own. All of the Hastings jewelry was chosen for someone else. This I chose for you."

Daphne thought it a wonder she didn't melt on the spot. "That's so sweet," she said, just barely managing to stifle a
sentimental sniffle.

Simon squirmed in his seat, which didn't surprise her. Men did so hate to be called sweet.

"Aren't you going to open it?" he grunted.

"Oh, yes, of course." Daphne shook her head slightly as she snapped back to attention. "How silly of me." Her eyes had
glazed over slightly as she stared at the jeweler's box. Blinking a few times to clear her vision, she carefully released the box's clasp and opened it.

And couldn't possibly say anything besides, "Oh, my goodness," and even that came out with more breath than voice.

Nestled in the box was a stunning band of white gold, adorned with a large marquis-cut emerald, flanked on either side by a single, perfect diamond. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry Daphne had ever seen, brilliant but elegant, obviously precious but not overly showy.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. "I love it."

"Are you certain?" Simon removed his gloves, then leaned forward and took the ring out of the box. "Because it is your
ring. You shall be the one to wear it, and it should reflect your tastes, not mine."

Daphne's voice shook slightly as she said, "Clearly, our tastes coincide."

Simon breathed a small sigh of relief and picked up her hand. He hadn't realized how much it meant to him that she liked the ring until that very moment. He hated that he felt so nervous around her when they'd been such easy friends for the past few weeks. He hated that there were silences in their conversations, when before she'd been the only person with whom he never felt the need to pause and take stock of his words.

Not that he was having any trouble speaking now. It was just that he didn't seem to know what to say.

"May I put it on?" he asked softly.

She nodded and started to remove her glove.

But Simon stilled her fingers with his own, then took over the task. He gave the tip of each finger a tug, then slowly slid the glove from her hand. The motion was unabashedly erotic, clearly an abbreviated version of what he wanted to do: remove every stitch from her body.

Daphne gasped as the edge of the glove trailed past the tips of her fingers. The sound of her breath rushing across her lips made him want her all the more.

With tremulous hands, he slid the ring on her finger, easing it over her knuckle until it rested in place.

"It fits perfectly," she said, moving her hand this way and that so that she could see how it reflected the light.

Simon, however, didn't let go of her hand. As she moved, her skin slid along his, creating a warmth that was oddly soothing. Then he lifted her hand to his mouth and dropped a gentle kiss on her knuckles. "I'm glad," he murmured. "It suits you."

Her lips curved—a hint of that wide smile he'd come to adore. Maybe a hint that all would be well between them.

"How did you know I like emeralds?" she asked.

"I didn't," he admitted. "They reminded me of your eyes."

"Of my—" Her head cocked slightly as her mouth twisted into what could only be described as a scolding grin. "Simon,
my eyes are brown."

"They're mostly brown," he corrected.

She twisted until she was facing the gilt mirror he'd used earlier to inspect his bruises and blinked a few times. "No," she said slowly, as if she were speaking to a person of considerably small intellect, "they're brown."

He reached out and brushed one gentle finger along the bottom edge of her eye, her delicate lashes tickling his skin like a butterfly kiss. "Not around the edge."

She gave him a look that was mostly dubious, but a little bit hopeful, then let out a funny little breath and stood. "I'm going to look for myself."

Simon watched with amusement as she stood and marched over to the mirror and put her face close to the glass. She
blinked several times, then held her eyes open wide, then blinked some more.

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaimed. "I've never seen that!"

Simon stood and moved to her side, leaning with her against the mahogany table that stood in front of the mirror.
"You'll soon learn that I am always right."

She shot him a sarcastic look. "But how did you notice that?"

He shrugged. "I looked very closely."

"You..." She seemed to decide against finishing her statement, and leaned back against the table, opening her eyes wide to inspect them again. "Fancy that," she murmured. "I have green eyes."

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say—"

"For today," she interrupted, "I refuse to believe they are anything but green."

Simon grinned. "As you wish."

She sighed. "I was always so jealous of Colin. Such beautiful eyes wasted on a man."

"I'm sure the young ladies who fancy themselves in love with him would disagree."

Daphne gave him a smirky glance. "Yes, but they don't signify, do they?"

Simon caught himself wanting to laugh. "Not if you say so."

"You'll soon learn," she said archly, "that I am always right."

This time he did laugh. There was no way he could have held it in. He finally stopped, realizing that Daphne was silent. She was regarding him warmly, though, her lips curved into a nostalgic smile.

"This was nice," she said, placing her hand on his. "Almost like it used to be, don't you think?"

He nodded, turning his hand palm up so that he could clasp hers.

"It will be like this again, won't it?" Her eyes showed a flicker of trepidation. "We'll go back to the way it was, won't we? Everything will be exactly the same."

"Yes," he said, even though he knew it could not be true. They might find contentment, but it would never be just as it was.

She smiled, closed her eyes, and rested her head against his shoulder. "Good."

Simon watched their reflection for several minutes. And he almost believed he would be able to make her happy.

* * *

The next evening—Daphne's last night as Miss Bridgerton—Violet knocked on her bedroom door.

Daphne was sitting on her bed, mementos of her childhood spread out before her, when she heard the rap. "Come in!"
she called out.

Violet poked her head in, an awkward smile pasted on her face. "Daphne," she said, sounding queasy, "do you have a moment?"

Daphne looked at her mother with concern. "Of course." She stood as Violet edged into the room. Her mother's skin was a remarkable match with her yellow dress.

"Are you quite all right, Mother?" Daphne inquired. "You look a little green."

"I'm fine. I just—" Violet cleared her throat and steeled her shoulders. "It's time we had a talk."

"Ohhhhhh," Daphne breathed, her heart racing with anticipation. She'd been waiting for this. All her friends had told her that the night before one's wedding, one's mother delivered all the secrets of marriage. At the last possible moment, one was admitted into the company of womanhood, and told all those wicked and delicious facts that were kept so scrupulously from the ears of unmarried girls. Some of the young ladies of her set had, of course, already married, and Daphne and her friends had tried to get them to reveal what no one else would, but the young matrons had just giggled and smiled, saying, "You'll find out soon."

"Soon" had become "now," and Daphne couldn't wait.

Violet, on the other hand, looked as if she might lose the contents of her stomach at any moment.

Daphne patted a spot on her bed. "Would you like to sit here, Mother?"

Violet blinked in a rather distracted manner. "Yes, yes, that would be fine." She sat down, half-on and half-off the bed. She didn't look very comfortable.

Daphne decided to take pity on her and begin the conversation. "Is this about marriage?" she asked gently.

Violet's nod was barely perceptible.

Daphne fought to keep the fascinated glee out of her voice. "The wedding night?"

This time Violet managed to bob her chin up and down an entire inch. "I really don't know how to tell this to you. It's
highly indelicate."

Daphne tried to wait patiently. Eventually her mother would get to the point.

"You see," Violet said haltingly, "there are things you need to know. Things that will occur tomorrow night. Things"—
she coughed—"that involve your husband."

Daphne leaned forward, her eyes widening.

Violet scooted back, clearly uncomfortable with Daphne's obvious interest. "You see, your husband... that is to say, Simon, of course, since he will be your husband..."

Since Violet showed no sign of finishing that thought, Daphne murmured, "Yes, Simon will be my husband."

Violet groaned, her cornflower blue eyes glancing everywhere but Daphne's face. "This is very difficult for me."

"Apparently so," Daphne muttered.

Violet took a deep breath and sat up straight, her narrow shoulders thrown back as if she were steeling herself for the
most unpleasant task. "On your wedding night," she began, "your husband will expect you to do your marital duty."

This was nothing Daphne didn't already know.

"Your marriage must be consummated."

"Of course," Daphne murmured.

"He will join you in your bed."

Daphne nodded. She knew this as well.

"And he will perform certain"—Violet groped for a word, her hands actually waving through the air—"intimacies upon
your person."

Daphne's lips parted slightly, her short indrawn breath the room's only sound. This was finally getting interesting.

"I am here to tell you," Violet said, her voice turning quite brisk, "that your marital duty need not be unpleasant."

But what was it?

Violet's cheeks blazed. "I know that some women find the, er, act distasteful, but—"

"They do?" Daphne asked curiously. 'Then why do I see so many maids sneaking off with the footmen?"

Violet instantly went into outraged employer mode. "Which maid was that?" she demanded.

"Don't try to change the subject," Daphne warned. "I've been waiting for this all week."

Some of the steam went out of her mother. "You have?"

Daphne's look was pure what-did-you-expect. "Well, of course."

Violet sighed and mumbled, "Where was I?"

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