Chapter 12

Chapter 12

“I wouldn’t be marrying her if I didn’t plan on keeping her.”

My hearing had to be faulty. Keep me? As if I were some sort of pet? Placing my hand over his as I fixed a smile on my face, I dug my nails into his flesh.

Casteel’s thumb didn’t miss a single sweep along my inner hip. “I can’t help myself.” His lips brushed my cheek, and it took everything in me not to elbow him in the throat. “Penellaphe intrigued me from the first moment I spoke to her.”

Intrigued. That word again.

“I can see why.” Alastir tilted his head. “She’s utterly unique, and most likely not what one would expect from the Maiden.”

“She is unique and brave, intelligent and beautiful,” Casteel agreed, apparently no longer content to drive me out of my mind with just his thumb. His fingers were involved now, sliding out from his palm and then gliding back. “And completely unexpected. But she is not the Maiden, Alastir.” His chin grazed my shoulder as he turned his head to the wolven. “And if you refer to her as the Maiden one more time, we are going to have a problem. Understand?”

This time, when my muscles tensed, it was in response to his words.

“Understood,” Alastir murmured.

“Good.” Casteel’s chin drifted over the curve of my jaw as he sat back.

Alastir was quiet for a moment, and then he addressed the men. “Make sure the horses are ready for when we check the roads.”

Everyone at the table rose—everyone but Delano and Naill. Those two remained even after Alastir flicked a pointed look in their direction.

“If I called those men back, they would heed my summons,” Casteel began, his fingers still sliding along my waist and hip. “And those who remain will only leave this table once I command it.”

Alastir faced Casteel. “I know this.”

“Glad to hear that, because for a moment there, I thought you might have forgotten who commands whom here.”

A shiver tiptoed down my spine, a reminder of whose lap I sat in. This was not Hawke. He was the Prince of a kingdom, and he would not be disobeyed.

“I haven’t, Casteel. You know me better than that. Which is why I must speak openly.”

“Then speak,” Casteel replied quietly, and visions of him slamming his hand through Landell’s chest danced before me.

“You wish for me to do so right now?” Alastir’s gaze flicked to me briefly. “Even if what I have to say is something you might not want to be spoken at this time?”

A tingling sensation swept over me as Casteel’s fingers stilled on my hip. For a moment, I thought he would send me away. “You’d be surprised by what Penellaphe already knows.”

Alastir lifted his brows.

“He planned to ransom me in exchange for his brother,” I announced, deciding it sounded a little better coming from me. Alastir’s eyes widened slightly. “It’s not a secret. Everyone at this table knows.”

“And that has changed?” Alastir queried softly, but neither Casteel nor I had a chance to answer before he continued. “I’ve watched you grow from a small boy sitting at his mother’s side to the man you are today, just as I watched Malik. And I wish every damn day that I would’ve gotten to watch him grow into the King he was destined to be. You two would do anything for each other, sacrifice anything.” The sacrifice anyone went unspoken, but it still lingered in the space. “And I understand the sense of obligation you carry within you. I understand more than most do, as I’m sure you remember.”

Tension crept into Casteel’s body, and I knew that Alastir had struck a chord.

“I know it’s not like you’ve suddenly given up on your brother, no matter how intrigued you may be.” Alastir tipped toward us, his voice low. “Neither your mother nor your father wanted you to leave when you did. They understand why you felt you needed to, but you also know where they stand on this.”

“I know where they stand,” Casteel stated, and instinct told me that Alastir was referring to Prince Malik. “And where do you stand?”

“Where I always have, with the Kingdom of Atlantia,” Alastir answered. “But I also would never expect you to give up on Malik. I wouldn’t be able to if I were you, so I need to ask. Is this…engagement another ploy to gain your brother’s freedom?”

The fact that Alastir zeroed right in on what Casteel was planning told me that he did know him as well as he claimed.

I realized then that it wouldn’t be me who needed to convince Alastir of the engagement’s authenticity. It would have to be Casteel. And if he couldn’t? Then what?

“How does marrying Penellaphe have anything to do with my brother?” Casteel’s voice was level.

“That’s a good question.” Alastir leaned back. “Perhaps you believe that taking what the Kingdom of Solis covets and putting her in line to be the eventual Queen of Atlantia will give you better bargaining power.”

The fact that Alastir was yet again so on point with what Casteel planned should’ve stunned me. It didn’t. What took me by surprise was the eventual Queen of Atlantia part.

I might’ve toppled out of the chair if it weren’t for Casteel’s arm around me. It struck me then that Casteel had left a very important part out when he discussed our arrangement.

He was to become King.

Oh, we had so much to talk about, it wasn’t even funny.

“Maybe this would put all of us in a position of better bargaining power,” Casteel remarked. I bit down on the inside of my lip. “But during the time spent at the capital and in Masadonia, I’ve come to accept that my brother is beyond my reach.”

Lie. That was such a lie. But I said nothing because even I had the sense to remain quiet.

Alastir was silent for a long moment and then he exhaled heavily. “As much as I hate to say this, because I love both you and Malik as if you were my sons, I hope that is true. If only for your sake and the sake of the kingdom. It is far past time to let go.”

I reached out with my senses again, this time not hesitating. Sincerity echoed through the invisible cord, tasting like warm vanilla.

“It is,” Casteel said, and my ability stretched out toward him. The burst of agony was tangy, coating my insides.

My hand dropped to his out of instinct, and I only stopped myself at the last moment. He would know what I’d done. I slipped my hand away, clasping them in my lap.

“What about your obligations?” Alastir met Casteel’s gaze with an unflinching one of his own. “What was expected of you before you left still awaits your return.”

Casteel’s fingers started moving again, along the curve of my hip. “Things change all the time.”

What had been expected of Casteel upon his return? Questions bubbled to the tip of my tongue, but I held them back, figuring that the second I started asking them would be the moment they stopped talking. Right now, it was as if they had forgotten I sat between them.

“And things have changed since you left, Casteel. You’ve been gone for over two years,” Alastir advised, picking up his cup. “There is unrest among our people, especially the wolven.”

“I know that,” Casteel answered as I glanced at Kieran. He stood with a hand on the hilt of his sword, but other than that, I wondered if it were possible for someone to be asleep while standing with their eyes open. He looked that bored. “And I will do everything I can to ease that unrest.”

“By marrying someone who is only half-Atlantian? An outsider?” Alastir turned to me. “And I mean no offense by that, Penellaphe. I sincerely do not.”

“None taken,” I advised. He was right. I would be an outsider to Casteel’s people.

“She may only be half-Atlantian and raised in Solis, but my people will accept her because I accept her.” Casteel stated this as if there were no other option. “You know, you were partly correct when you said that marrying her gives us bargaining power. It does. With her at my side, we have a better chance of gaining back our land.”

Alastir sat back in his chair. “To avoid war?”

“Yes. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that better than sending our people off to die by the thousands?” Casteel demanded. “Do you want to see more wolven die?”

“Of course, not.” Alastir shook his head. “I want to avoid war. I’ve already lost enough to the Ascended, as you know.”

I felt a momentarily tensing in Casteel’s body. “I do. Gods, I do know.” He exhaled heavily, relaxing a bit, and I sensed that there was more, things not being said. “The part you were incorrect about is assuming that my only reason for marrying Penellaphe is for bargaining power, whether that be for my brother or the kingdom. If I didn’t feel the way I do for her, I could’ve simply used her in the way I originally planned.”

The truth stung, but the lies scraped over my skin like hot knives. I kept my face blank, showing no reaction.

“That is true.” Alastir dragged his lower lip between his teeth. “I can only hope the unrest is manageable. I’ve been trying, but the young ones…they have a certain view on how things should be carried out. And your father has agreed with them more and more.” Alastir’s gaze fixed on the cup he held. “He hoped that your time in Solis would prove fruitful. He has learned that it has. However, he has plans now, Casteel. And he is still the King.”

“Do those plans involve me?” There went the realization that I should remain quiet. Still, I couldn’t hold myself back. For far too many years, I’d sat in silence while others around me discussed me, my life, and my future.

No more.

The look of surprise flickering across Alastir’s expression gave way to a faint smile. “I have a feeling that many things involve you now.” His features sobered as his gaze shifted to the Prince. “I would like to speak to Penellaphe.”

“About?” Casteel queried.

“About all of this. I want to talk to her alone,” he requested.

Casteel leaned forward, pressing his chest to my back. “Why do you want that?”

“Do you really need to ask that question?” Alastir returned, his cheeks flushing with the first hints of genuine anger. “You will need my aid when it comes to convincing your father and the wolven that this is a worthy marriage—that this will benefit the kingdom, and that you truly chose her. You know that. Do you think I will go along with any of that if she is being forced into this?”

My respect for the elder wolven blew through the roof of the keep.

“No, I do not believe you will go along with it,” Casteel answered. “If Penellaphe wishes to speak with you, I have no problem.”

My heart rate kicked up, but when Alastir turned to me, I nodded. “I will speak with you.”

“Perfect.” Alastir gave me a tight smile as he rose. “Come. Let’s walk.”

Casteel’s arm slipped from around me, and I stood. “Just so you know, Penellaphe doesn’t need protection. She is more than capable of handling things herself. But that is my future you are walking away with. Guard her well. Your life depends on it.”

“Is it true?” Alastir asked as we walked the narrow halls of the keep, my hand tucked into the crook of his arm. Dim light flickered from the oil sconces, casting shadows along the unfamiliar stone walls. “You can defend yourself? Is that with or without a weapon?”

“Both,” I answered. “I have been trained with a dagger and a sword, as well as a bow. I have also been trained on how to fight, hand-to-hand.”

Surprise and respect settled into his features as he looked down at me. “That is not common for the women of Solis, and especially not for one who was the Maiden.”

“It’s not,” I agreed. “But I was so helpless when my parents died. I was a child, but my mother hadn’t been able to fight back. If she could have, she might’ve survived. I just…I didn’t want to be helpless like that again, and so many people, especially women, never have the opportunity to learn how to protect themselves. They have to rely on others—on the Ascended—and I…I’m beginning to realize that further strengthens the absolute control the Ascended have.”

“But they allowed you to learn how to fight?”

Imagining the Duchess’s or Duke’s reaction to such news, I laughed softly. “No. My guardians would’ve had an absolute fit. But, honestly, I always thought…”

“Thought what?” he prodded when I trailed off.

I wasn’t sure if I should share this, but something about Alastir put me at ease, and maybe that something was how much he reminded me of Vikter. “I always thought Queen Ileana would’ve approved if she’d learned that I could fight. I don’t know why I believe that. It’s just that…the Queen I knew—”

“Isn’t the Queen others know,” he supplied, and I nodded. “People have many different sides to them. Even the Ascended. How did you learn to fight?”

“One of my personal guards taught me in secret. His name was Vikter.” A knot lodged in my throat and stayed there as I told Alastir about him and the risks he took. “He was like a father to me, and I…gods, I miss him so much.”

Alastir had stopped walking as I spoke of Vikter, but he still held my arm. “He sounds like an amazing man.”

“He was, and I—” I blinked back the hot rush of tears. “He should be alive today.”

His gaze searched mine as he said, “And he died at the hands of Descenters who were following Prince Casteel’s lead? How were you able to move past that?”

How? My stomach dipped. I hadn’t moved past that. “I don’t think I will ever get over that.”

“And yet you’ve fallen in love with Casteel? He may not have held the sword—”

“But they killed in his name,” I finished for him. “I know. Casteel knows that. He knows that he is responsible, and I know he loses sleep over it.” My mouth dried as I said, “It hasn’t been easy, but what I feel for him has nothing to do with Vikter.” The lie rolled off my tongue smoothly enough. Maybe too easily. My heart lurched as wind beat at a nearby window. “Nothing about Casteel and I has been easy. I thought he was someone else entirely when we first met, but I started falling for him even then.” And gods, that was the truth. “And so, here we are.”

“Yes, here we are.” Alastir gave a close-lipped smile as he shifted my arm so his hand held mine. “I’ve known Casteel since birth, as well as his brother. I knew his father before then, and his mother even longer than that. I remember when the Queen was married to a different King,” he said quietly, and that alone told me that he was far older than I anticipated. “Casteel is like a son to me. In reality, he would’ve been a son of mine if fate had played out differently.”

Would have been a son of mine? “What do you mean?”

The skin at his eyes creased as my gift suddenly pressed against my skin, responding to the sudden shift in his emotions. An agony so potent and raw that it reached out to me. I opened myself, unable to stop it, and immediately tensed at the turmoil rolling through him, thus passing to me. His grief cut so deeply, it made it hard to breathe. I started to use my gift differently, to lessen the pain.

“Did you know that Casteel has been in love before?”

His question threw me, causing me to drop the connection with him. Even then, the tangy bitterness of sorrow still filled the back of my throat. “Yes, I know that.”

And that was all I knew. That he had been in love.

“Did he tell you that he was once engaged?”

Words left me. I shook my head.

A small, sad smile appeared. “I’m not surprised to hear that. He doesn’t talk about her often. No matter how much I’ve tried in the past. And to be honest, I can’t remember the last time he even said her name. I can’t blame him for that, and neither should you. She is a wound that has healed, but still a wound nonetheless. He would be…” He looked down the hall, his shoulders tensing and then loosening. “He would be very upset with me to know that I spoke of Shea with you. And, truthfully, I am overstepping here. But you need to know why I was so surprised to learn of your engagement. I honestly didn’t think Casteel would ever allow himself to feel like that again.” His gaze met mine. “And you need to know why I hope his motivations for this marriage are true and rooted in his heart and not as a desperate bid to find his brother.”

I didn’t know which part of what he’d shared was the most shocking. That Casteel had been engaged—to a wolven—that he’d been in love with someone who was so obviously no longer alive, or that Alastir wanted the marriage between us to be real.

I cleared my throat. “Shea was your daughter?”

Alastir nodded. “She was. And it’s strange, I barely know you, but you remind me of her. She too often spoke her mind, much to the ire of everyone around her. And she was capable of defending herself when needed.” He laughed a little. “I would guess that is one of the things that has drawn Casteel to you. That allowed him to see beyond the veil, so to speak.”

I didn’t know what to think of any of that. “When did she…die? How?”

“It was quite some time ago, many years before you were born.” His words were yet another reminder of how many years of experience Casteel had. “She is my daughter, but her death is not my story to share. That’s Casteel’s.” His gaze met and held mine. “And I do hope it is one that he’ll one day share with you.”

I’d believed that the source of Casteel’s grief had stemmed from his brother’s capture, but I’d already discovered that some of it was from what had been done to him. And now I wondered just how much of it was tied to this man’s daughter.

“I’m sorry to hear about your child,” I said, meaning it. “And I won’t say anything.”

“I don’t mind if you do. To be frank, I hope he does talk to you—talks to someone about her.”

I was the last person who should be speaking to him about Shea. “Why are you telling me this, though? It doesn’t sound like it’s something I should bring up with him.”

“It’s not. At least, not now. I hope that he will open up and talk to someone one day, even if it’s not me. The reason I’m telling you this is because Shea was no damsel. I can see that you aren’t either. But I hope you are not so much like her that you don’t ask for help or refuse it when you need it.” He patted my hand. “I will forever be loyal to my kingdom, to the gods, and to the Da’Neers, but even if I never had a daughter, I could not stand by and watch a young woman be used against her will in such a way. War is cruel. There are casualties. But this would be unnecessarily cruel, and I will not stand for it.”

My heart was pounding again. Could he sense that?

“Casteel has been determined to find his brother for decades, Penellaphe. Enough time to fill a mortal’s lifespan. And while I hope he has finally moved on, that he will assume the role his kingdom desperately needs, most importantly, I wish that he is finally allowing himself to live. I want to believe that. Yet, I don’t.”

I tensed.

Alastir’s gaze met mine. “So, that is why I’m offering you my aid. If you are being forced into this, I will help you escape. I will do everything in my power to ensure safe passage. Not to send you back to Solis. I will not hand you over to those who seek to abuse you in a different way. But I will make sure you are somewhere neither the Ascended nor Casteel can ever reach you. All you have to do is tell me, and this will be over for you.”

The breath I took went nowhere as I processed his words—his offer. It was freedom. The same as Casteel offered, but without the strings of marriage and all the pretending and the risks involved. And I believed the sincerity of his offer. This man who’d just met me would risk the ire of his Prince, possibly even consequences that extended far beyond anger, to help a girl he barely knew. All because he was…

Because he was a good man.

And it was something I could see Vikter doing. It was something I knew Vikter had wished that he could’ve done once he realized how much being the Maiden was killing me, bit by bit, each and every day. Tears burned the backs of my eyes once more.

“Dear gods,” Alastir uttered. “I think the threat of tears tells me everything I need to know. I’m sorry—”

“No. It’s not that.” I squeezed his hand. “It’s just that your offer is unexpected. You’re a good person and—and there are so few good people. It’s something I think Vikter would’ve done, and it just made me think of him.”

“And that’s all?” He watched me closely, placing his other hand over mine.

“Yes,” I said, holding his gaze. “I appreciate your offer. I appreciate what you are willing to do for me. But he’s not using me. Not like that.”

“You don’t need my help, then?”

“I don’t. I swear.”

And I didn’t. Not now.

If he’d come to me a day before, my answer probably would’ve been different. I would’ve said yes. I would’ve run. But he couldn’t give me what Casteel could. Ian. And I couldn’t walk away now, knowing that I could help change things for the people of Solis. The freedom Alastir offered wasn’t the kind I needed.

Alastir sighed, and I could tell that he thought I was making a foolish choice. Maybe that meant he didn’t believe Casteel. It could mean he felt bad for me because he believed me. I didn’t know.

“If you ever change your mind,” he said, his eyes sad, “you only need to tell me. Can you promise me that?”

I really felt like crying now. “I can promise that.”

“Good.” He smiled, and I…

I didn’t even know what I was doing until I sprang forward and threw my arms around Alastir. I hugged him. The gesture stunned the man. For a moment, he didn’t move, but then he put his arms around me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, pulling away. My face was hot.

He smiled then, one that crinkled the skin at the corners of his eyes. “You never need to apologize for a hug, Penellaphe. It’s been far too long since I’ve had one, to be honest. Neither Casteel nor Kieran is the hugging type.”

I laughed hoarsely. “I think if I tried to hug Kieran, he’d pass out.”

“Most likely. Well, I think I know all that I need to,” he said, yet he still sounded sad. I thought the emotion was either for his daughter, for Casteel, or even possibly for me. “I should probably get you back to the Prince.”

I started to turn but stopped. I didn’t know when we’d get a chance to speak privately again. “May I ask you something?” When Alastir nodded, I said, “You used to help move Atlantians or their descendants from Solis?”

“I did.”

“I was thinking about my parents—about why they left the capital. It’s possible that they knew what the Ascended planned or learned that they were descendants themselves. At least one of them. Were there others who did what you did?”

“There were others. Not many. And sadly, most never returned home.” He stroked his chin with his thumb. “We assume they were captured, so there aren’t many you could speak with.”

I hadn’t even dared to hope that there was anyone I could talk to. “I was just wondering if it was possible for my parents to have known that someone like you existed.”

“Of course, it was. The King and Queen knew that we were actively searching for our people,” he confirmed. “It’s possible one of your parents learned of us from an Ascended.” His head cocked. “So, you think that is what happened?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, running a hand over where the knife was sheathed to my thigh. “I don’t remember much about the night I was attacked, but I do remember that my father was quieter than usual during the trip. So was my mother. They seemed nervous instead of excited about starting a new life in a quieter place. And I…I think my father met with someone. I vaguely remember there being another person there.”

“But your memories aren’t clear enough.” When I shook my head, he said, “That’s fairly common after such a trauma.”

It was. Or so I’d been told.

“After the war, many survivors claimed to have forgotten entire battles they fought. The emotions and the scars were still there, but the details were nothing but shadows,” he explained. “The same with Casteel. He remembers very little of his time in captivity.”

That wasn’t true. He remembered it all, or at least enough to not have to search the shadows for details, but I didn’t say that. I was surprised that he’d shared enough for me to know that he remembered and had not told Alastir.

“I have dreams. Sometimes they reveal a little more. Like opening a chest and letting more of the night out. But I don’t know if those memories are real or not. The new ones, that is,” I said. “Anyway, I don’t know if it matters. I just want to know.”

“Wanting to know is understandable. I understand.” His features tightened for a moment, and then they smoothed out. “Most of those who knew to look for us used false last names. What were your parents’ first names?”

I exhaled heavily. “Coralena and Leopold. Cora and Leo,” I said, staring at the lamp, trying to remember what my father looked like. The memories of him had faded. “That’s what they called each other.”

“Coralena,” Alastir said after a moment, clearing his throat. I looked at him, but he too was staring at the lamp. “That’s a beautiful name. One unique enough that if they used their real first names, it would be remembered. When we arrive in Atlantia, I’ll ask those who are still with us if they recall ever speaking with or about one with that name. It’s a long shot, but you never know. The world, no matter how big, is often smaller than we realize.”

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