Chapter 21

When Valerie and Jack got back from Europe, they were busy with a mountain of things they had to do. She had decisions to make about some of her licensing agreements, shows to plan, and an offer from her publisher to do another book. And she had to attend to the last details of April’s wedding, and still had to pick the wedding cake. And Jack was just as busy.

She spoke to April the night they arrived, who said that the reconstruction of the restaurant was off to a good start, although it looked a mess, but she sounded happy. She was excited about the wedding. Valerie told her that Dawn had done a great job handling the details before her return. She had talked her through them in dozens of calls from Europe.

Their schedules that week were relentless, but by Friday night, Valerie felt as though she had a grip on things and that all was under control. Her first days back from a trip were always a nightmare. She managed to order April’s cake on Friday afternoon, since April had explained exactly what she wanted. She wanted a delicate almond‑ paste icing and a chocolate and mocha filling with a hint of orange. The baker wasn’t happy about it but he agreed to do it to April’s specifications. She would have made it herself if she had time, but she had no kitchen to do it, and Valerie assured her it would be fine.

When she left her office on Friday, Valerie went back to Jack’s apartment. They were spending the weekend there. Their back‑ and‑ forth life between the two still seemed to be working, although their lives were hectic. There had been a photograph of them together in Paris, and People magazine had called her office that afternoon to find out what was going on. Dawn had cleverly acted like it was no big deal, and explained nothing. They would find out on their own anyway.

Valerie got to Jack’s apartment before he did, and she thought he looked serious when he walked in. She was taking a bath, and he sat down on the edge of the tub with a somber expression. He didn’t say anything at first, and then he kissed her. She thought he looked depressed, which was unlike him.

“Bad day? ” she asked sympathetically, and touched his hand.

“Yeah. Kind of. Just the usual hassles after a trip. You have to pay the penalty for all that fun, I guess. ” He smiled at her, but it was wintry. She didn’t press him about it, and figured he would tell her what was bothering him eventually.

It wasn’t until Saturday afternoon, as they walked in Central Park on a beautiful warm May day, that he did. He had been quiet for a long time as they walked along, and then they sat down on a bench and he looked at her and spat it out.

“The network wants to move me to Miami. ” He looked devastated, and they both knew what it meant for them. Her show was here, and she couldn’t move with him. They could commute on weekends if they wanted to badly enough, but it wouldn’t be the same.

“Why? ”

“God knows. They think it makes more sense. It’s a bigger job attached to the network there. I’d be commentating more stuff, not just football. I’m happy with what I’m doing, and I guess I should be flattered. It’s more money, more prestige. ” He hesitated then. “But I don’t want to leave you. I love what we have, and I love you. Long‑ distance relationships are hard and most of the time they don’t work. I don’t want to be commuting at my age. And I don’t want to live in Miami. ” He looked desperately unhappy.

“Did you turn it down? ” Valerie asked quietly, hoping that he had. She had no right to influence him, or interfere with his career, and she wouldn’t, but she knew that it would not be good for them if he moved. And she couldn’t move with him, she wasn’t about to leave her show for him. Nor did she expect him to retire from broadcasting for her, or negatively impact his job. She couldn’t do that to him. This was a big and very unhappy news flash for them, and she didn’t see how he could refuse it, or why he would, even if he didn’t love Miami.

“I told them I’d think about it, ” he answered. “And I will. I guess our ‘what if’ games in Paris about what would happen if one of us had a job opportunity that required giving up the other, or hurting them, weren’t so imaginary after all. I guess this happens. They made it very clear that they expect me to do this. I can say no, but they won’t thank me for it. Valerie, ” he said slowly, “how do you feel about it? What would you do? ” He really wanted her input and guidance to help him make the decision.

“Those are two separate questions, ” she said quietly. “How do I feel about it? Sad. I don’t want you to move away. I love our life together. Maybe it was too easy and we were too lucky for it to last. Maybe life just isn’t that simple. What would I do? Honestly, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to screw up my career, but I wouldn’t want to leave you either. I’m glad I don’t have to make that choice. And I don’t love Miami either. It’s fun for a weekend, but I wouldn’t want to live there. But you have to go where the job takes you, and where the big bucks are for you, and the important promotions. You’re too young to retire. ” And she felt that she was too. “Just know that whatever you do, I’ll understand and we’ll make the best of it. I could come to Miami on Friday nights, and take an early flight back on Monday. Others do it. Politicians do it all the time, commuting from Washington, D. C., to their home states in California or the West. CEOs do it to work in one city and join their families in another. It’s not easy, but if we want to, we can do it. ” She meant it, and he looked profoundly touched as she said it. “Just do what’s right for you. We’ll figure it out for us later. ” But she was worried that living in Miami, he’d go back to the bimbos and young girls. He would be alone a lot of the time, and maybe eventually the old temptations would reclaim him. She felt very insecure, but she didn’t share that with him. She thought it would be unfair to do so. He had enough pressure on him already from the network. He had made that clear. They weren’t threatening to hurt his career if he didn’t go, but it wouldn’t help it either. No matter who you were, they expected you to go where you were sent. Even a big star like him. He felt it like a physical blow. Everything had been going so smoothly for them, and now this.

They walked slowly back to his apartment, and didn’t speak. They both had a lot on their minds. He kept to himself for most of the weekend, and she offered to go home, but he said he didn’t want her to. He wanted her with him, but she felt as though she’d already lost him. This time the “what if” game was real.

They didn’t make love that night, which was rare for them. They just lay in bed and held each other. He looked lonely and scared. He talked to his agent about it on Sunday, and his attorney. His agent said it was up to him, and didn’t think they’d penalize him if he didn’t do it, and his attorney advised him to move to Miami. In the end, the choice was his.

Valerie went to meet April on Sunday afternoon, at the restaurant. She was working there alone, cleaning things up, and still throwing things away. She stopped for a few minutes to talk to her mother, mostly about the wedding. It was a week away, and she was excited, although she said that Mike seemed very stressed about the baby again. It was becoming very real, particularly with all the baby furniture in the apartment, and Ellen had dropped off the bathtub and the stroller.

“He’d better show up at the wedding, ” Valerie warned, and April nodded.

“He will. He’s just scared. I guess I am too. It’s a big change. ” So was getting married. It all was. Life, the fire, relationships, babies, marriage. They were all big bites to swallow. And Valerie had her own. She didn’t say anything to April about Jack’s potential move to Miami. She didn’t want to upset her. She had enough on her mind with Mike, the fire, and the baby. Her due date was two weeks away. They were down to the wire.

On Sunday night she and Jack went to a movie. They both agreed that it was better for them to get out and be distracted. They had pizza for dinner at a restaurant called John’s, but both of them were feeling down and had trouble coming up with conversation. She returned to her apartment that night without him. It was the first night they had spent apart in months. Valerie thought he needed space, and she said that to him. And if he was moving away, they’d better get used to nights alone again, although she didn’t say it. The relationship had taken a step backward with the offer from the network, and it was painful. Both of them were afraid of what it would mean for them. And neither of them liked it. Valerie was doing everything not to pressure him in any way. But she was sad, and he could see it. So was he. It was just life. Things happened, even if you found a great woman or guy. Something like this could come along and toss everything right out the window. She hoped that wouldn’t happen to them, but they both knew it could, and they were mourning it already.

They saw very little of each other the following week, although she slept at his apartment. She didn’t want him to think that she was withdrawing from him. She wasn’t, she was just busy, and she got back to his place so late every night that he was half asleep when she got there. She’d get into bed with him, and he’d wrap his arms around her and pass out. They kept meaning to make love, and didn’t. They were always rushed, or running to a meeting. And Valerie had no idea what he was doing about the decision, and didn’t ask him. She was fairly certain he would go. She thought she probably would in his shoes, although she wasn’t totally sure, but she thought so. You couldn’t build a career and an image for all those years and then toss it in the trash because you didn’t want to move to another city. There were sacrifices you had to make. And sometimes, at the worst of times, those sacrifices were people. Maybe this was one of those. She knew she had put her marriage on the line for her career years before, although she’d been younger and on the way up. Would she make the same choice again today? She didn’t know. She was glad she wasn’t the one having to make the decision. She didn’t envy Jack. And it was a wild guess as to whether going would improve his career or not going would hurt it. No one knew. And it wasn’t only about money. The network held the cards here. Other networks would have wanted him, but he was well established with this one, and had been for twelve years. Valerie was giving Jack all the space he needed to make the decision, and all her sympathy and support because it was such a tough one. She knew they loved each other, but what that translated to in real life, when the chips were down, remained to be seen. She was trying to be adult about it, it was the only advantage to age: the ability to be disappointed and survive it, because you had done it before.

The week of the wedding, April was at the construction site of the restaurant every day. Mike was busy at the paper. Everything was ready for the baby at the apartment, and they were exploding at the seams, and so was April. She looked as though she was literally about to pop, and she felt it. She could hardly sleep at night now, so she padded around the apartment, folding things for the baby, tiny shirts and nightgowns and pajamas, and little caps and blankets and booties and sweaters. She had gone on a washing frenzy a few days before, washing everything. And she had to walk up and down three flights of stairs to do it, and didn’t mind. Mike told Jim at the office that she was going a little nuts, and Jim assured him it was to be expected. He said all women did at the end of the pregnancy. It was their way of preparing for the baby, frantically building their nests. Some days, Mike tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, just so he could relax. And it was reassuring for him to check things out with Jim, who was an old hand at this. He had been through it three times before and his wife had just gotten pregnant again, so they had that in common too, although Mike could barely imagine one child, let alone four.

He had made a reservation for them at the Carlyle, for their honeymoon. They were only staying one night. It was all he could afford, but he wanted it to be perfect for her. He had gone to see the room himself. And he never mentioned that the bride was nine months pregnant. He just hoped they wouldn’t be spending the night at the hospital instead. It could happen. The doctor said she was ready, and she was having a lot of contractions. He kept begging her to go easy on the construction work, but as usual, she wouldn’t listen. She carried lumber, used the crowbar, took things to the Dumpster. She even moved some bricks around. April was a workhorse who had no idea how not to be. Mike accepted that about her now.

She talked to her mother the day before the wedding and realized that Valerie was sad.

“Are you okay, Mom? ” she asked her, sounding concerned.

“I’m fine, sweetheart, just busy. ” She sounded depressed much more than busy. April mentioned it later that night to Mike.

“I wonder if everything’s okay with her and Jack. ”

“Why wouldn’t it be? ” The last time he had seen them, they had looked like newlyweds themselves.

“You never know, ” April said wisely.

Miraculously, April had found a dress that fit her for the wedding. She and Ellen had gone shopping and had found it at Barney’s. It was a wide white silk swing dress with a halter top that showed off her shoulders. It was the only part of her now that didn’t look ready to explode. The dress was short, and she was going to wear high‑ heeled sandals with it, and carry lily of the valley that her mother had had flown in from Paris. It was hardly a traditional wedding dress, but it was perfect for what she needed. And Pat was giving her away. Ellen was her matron of honor, her sisters were her bridesmaids, and Maddie had found matching sky‑ blue linen dresses for them, to save April the trouble, and she was grateful for her stepmother’s help. Her mother was doing all white flowers in the apartment, orchids, roses, and more lily of the valley.

By Friday night, everything was set up in Valerie’s apartment, and she was staying at Jack’s, as she had all week. There was too much activity in her own, and Dawn was staying there to help set up the wedding. All the guests had accepted, except two of the waiters who had to attend family events of their own. Everyone else was coming, including Mike’s editor, Jim and his wife and kids, and Mike’s other friend from the paper. He had asked Jack to be best man, which touched him, since Mike had no real family of his own whom he still saw.

The night before the wedding, Valerie noticed that Jack looked peaceful, and she had an eerie feeling, as though he had decided to let go of her, and continue on his own. There was a bittersweet quality to the way he looked at her, and she felt waves of panic engulf her, but she said nothing to him. She owed him that because she loved him. She was going to be brave about it, she promised herself, if he left her. Maybe he had decided not to try a long‑ distance relationship after all, and just end it between them when he moved away. She said nothing to him, but cried in the bathroom alone that night, and then put a good face on when she joined him in bed and they made love. Every time now she worried that it would be the last time. It was going to be hard to lose someone she loved so much, but she kept reminding herself that she’d live through it. She had no other choice.

And in their bed next to the crib that night, Mike and April were talking about their wedding. She knew that traditionally, they weren’t supposed to see each other the morning of the wedding, but they had nowhere else to go. Her mother was at Jack’s, her apartment was all set up for the wedding, there was no room for her at her father’s, and Mike wanted to be with her, and didn’t want to go to a hotel alone. So they were at his place, in bed, whispering in the moonlight on their wedding eve.

“Are you scared? ” she whispered. They were like two little kids giggling in the dark.

“Kind of, ” he acknowledged. It was easier to say in the darkness, although he was willing to admit it to her.

“Me too. I’m more scared of having the baby than about what happens after that. What if it hurts too much and I can’t stand it? ” She was frightened of that now. What if she went nuts from the pain or totally lost it in front of Mike? It would be embarrassing to have him see that.

“We’ll get you lots of drugs, ” he promised. “Other women seem to get through it. ” He hoped it wouldn’t be bad for her. He had been terrified when she’d been in the hospital after the fire, and he was dreading the pain she’d have to face now. They both were.

“My mom’s really been working hard on the wedding, ” April said, snuggling up to him, with his arm around her shoulders. It didn’t surprise him. Wyatt women seemed to work hard at everything and shirked nothing. He admired that about them. April was no less conscientious than her mother. She was doing the job of ten men at the restaurant, even nine months pregnant, but it didn’t seem to do her any harm.

“I’m sure it’ll be beautiful, ” he said gently.

He was used to the canopied crib beside their bed now, and it no longer surprised him. He wondered what it would be like when someone was in it. Or when she sat in the rocking chair nursing their child. He had a feeling it would be sweet to behold.

When he finally turned over and turned his back to her, and she cuddled up behind him, he could feel the baby kicking. It was relentless, and he fell asleep to the soft rhythm of the kicks, wondering how she could sleep at all.